Gemini - 17. A Walk in the Park

“I want to take a walk before I go home, could you drop me off at the park?” I asked Sarah after Josh had left the car. I was sure that Ian or Conrad would confront me about Cody again, and I really didn’t want to spend the end of such an awesome day fighting with them. Instead of facing them, I would just avoid that by going home as late as possible.

“Sure,” she replied. “Problems with your brothers?”

“How do you know about that?” I asked surprised. “But yeah,” I sighed. “They are being a pain.”

She glanced towards Cody, who was busy typing something on his phone, then looked back to me. “I’ve overheard some of what you said to Conrad after class.” She smiled proudly. “I think it’s great that you stood up to him the way you did. It was about time for something like this to happen. Don’t worry too much about it, they’ll be alright. They are just not used to anyone contradicting them, but they will understand eventually.”

“Thanks,” I said, nodding at her.

“What are you talking about?” Cody asked, and then he added tentatively: “If you don’t mind me asking?”

“Oh, it doesn’t really matter,” I said, feeling uncomfortable. I didn’t want him to know that I was getting in a fight with my brothers about him. “It’ll blow over soon. Just a minor disagreement.” I turned to Sarah. “By the way, do you want to hang out with me after you drop off Cody?”

“Sorry,” she replied. “I have to be home too soon, so it’s pointless. Maybe some other time.”

“I can hang out with you until you have to go home,” Cody offered quickly. “If you want that?”

“You have that long?” I asked him. “I probably won’t be home until 10 pm.”

“Well,” he said. “Not usually, but I’ve been giving my parents shit about moving so often, me always having to get used to a new school, find new friends and so on. They feel sorry for me, and they want me to make new friends, so I can afford to break the rules and stay out a little longer every once in the while. I’ll just send them a text and it’ll be alright.”

“Cool, thanks,” I said happily. Even if I would have preferred spending an hour with Sarah, having Cody to chat with was still better than walking around alone.

Sarah stopped the car at the side of a street next to the park. “Alright, see you tomorrow morning in school.”

“Yeah, see you,” I said, and pulled her in a brief half-hug. I let go of her only a second or two later, longing to linger, to feel the closeness of her body, but not daring to do so. “Have a good night.”

Cody and I climbed out of the car, shut the doors and watched Sarah drive off. When she was gone, I turned and walked down the small path into the park, Cody following me. Thoughts of Ian and Conrad, and that they would most likely bug me about the whole deal with Cody again, were occupying my mind. I briefly glanced over to Cody, worried that I was being impolite by not talking to him, but he seemed to get that I needed a moment. Or maybe he was just lost in thoughts himself. At least he didn’t even seem to notice me looking at him.

Thinking of my adopted brothers produced a strong feeling of defiance. Sure, a while back I had been a bit careful about gays myself, but seeing how bad Josh had it with his parents, I couldn’t help but get angry at the homophobia of my very own brothers. What if they had children in a few years? What if I had a son that was gay? Would he have to fear the taunts of his uncles? Sure, they were by far not as bad as Mr. Adams, but they weren’t all that accepting either. The thought of them making crude comments about a future son of mine gave me a bitter taste in my mouth. Still with these things on my mind, I turned to Cody.

“Hey, can I ask you a question?” I inquired, breaking the tranquility between us and the trees.

It took a second before he reacted. He looked up with surprise, as if I had interrupted his thoughts, and cleared his throat. “Sure, what is it?”

“Uhm,” I started. “Uhm… how do I put this? I hope you don’t get this the wrong way… but, well… what is it like? To be, uh… to be gay, I mean.”

He frowned at me. “What do you mean? It feels pretty normal to me. I guess there is no difference to being straight really.” He stopped walking and turned to stand face to face. “What did you expect? That I am different? I simply like boys, just like you like girls. There’s no difference at all. I guess you can understand it better if I say, I like boys, just like most girls do. Does that make sense?”

I blushed a little. “That’s not what I meant.”

“What did you mean then? Are you thinking about switching teams?” He asked deadpan.

“Oh no,” I hastily replied, shocked that he would think that. “I’m just…”

He interrupted me with a giggle. “You should see your face. I was just teasing you.”

I frowned at him, but then let it be. “Anyway.” My eyes turned to the ground, instead of meeting his. “I’m just wondering. I mean, even nowadays there is a lot of homophobia going around, and stuff.” I stopped and my eyes found his. “And well, you didn’t know it when you were a kid, did you? You had to like… notice it or something, right? When was that?”

He nodded, now getting what I wanted to know. “Let’s start with when I realized that I am gay.” He paused and looked off into the woods, almost as if he was wallowing in memories. “I was thirteen. There was this guy, Jason was his name. God, he was so hot, and he still is by the way. I had the biggest crush on him. Jeez, I was almost like some girl. Couldn’t stop thinking about him. I would’ve given up everything just to be able to kiss him.” He stopped. “Oh sorry, you probably don’t want to hear all those gay, mushy details.”

“Uh, it’s fine,” I said, even though I hadn’t quite decided whether I was uncomfortable with that, or not. “It’s interesting, I guess. I asked, so I gotta deal with the answer.”

He nodded, but it didn’t look like I had really convinced him. “Anyway, that was when I knew. It’s probably unusual. Many notice it much later. Some won’t even admit it until they are already married and have children. There are people who hide it all their life, and then they get to a breaking point. Really fucks up families and all. I can understand them, though. Not everyone has parents and friends as accepting as I do. It can be tough, you know?”

I nodded understandingly. What he said did make sense, and it also got me thinking about Josh’s situation again. He could have been one of those people, his background and family surely didn’t make it easy for him. Yet he was so self-assured, so clear in his words when I had questioned it, and to me it almost seemed like he just wanted to get away from his family, and live his own life. I couldn’t really grasp the concept of what it had to feel like, but I saw that this conflict had forced him to grow up quicker than most people did.

My thoughtfulness must have made Cody suspicious, because when I looked up, he was staring at me. “Why do you ask?” He grinned. “Are you sure it’s not because you wanna explore the other side of the rainbow?”

I shook my head. “It’s just…”

“...because of a friend,” he finished my sentence, and winked at me. “Yeah, that’s what they all say.”

I thought of Josh, and somehow that made me smile. “Actually, in a way it is, I guess,” I replied.

“Ethan?” Cody asked, looking at me curiously, his voice sounding almost eager.

“Ethan?” I croaked. “Why Ethan?”

He hesitated to speak, gave me a nervous look, and then looked at the ground. “Uhm.”

Suddenly I remembered how well Cody and Ethan had gotten along during the afternoon. I had asked Ethan to entertain Cody so I could resolve my problems with Josh, and when we had picked them up to go to Schenectady, they had acted like they had known each other for a long time. And then there had been the innuendos, and Ethan’s reaction...

“Wait! Is Ethan gay?” I asked, looking at him flabbergasted.

“Huh?” He asked. “So you didn’t mean Ethan?”

“Uh... not really, but is he? Are you guys like, together?” I asked, almost accusingly. Could Ethan be gay, but had never told me about it? That seemed too out of character for him, but then again...

“I was hoping you could tell me,” Cody said. “To be honest, I’ve been hoping. I have my suspicions, but I don’t really know.”

“Oh,” I simply said. Now that he said that, I really started thinking about it. Ethan had never told me anything about girls. He had teased me once or twice about Sarah, he probably assumed that I had fallen for her, but other than that, girls had never been a topic between us. Could that be an indicator? Ethan had always seemed so young, almost childish, even innocent, despite his craziness and his sexual innuendos. As weird as that might sound, I had simply thought that he was a late bloomer, so I had never questioned it. But now? It didn’t have to be that way, but considering all the signs, it seemed possible.

“Or maybe you’re just saying that because you accidentally gave it away,” I stated after a brief pause, thinking aloud.

He laughed. “I wish, but seriously, if I did know, you could probably tell. I suck when it comes to lying.”

I gave him a scrutinizing look, but then decided that he was telling the truth. Or was it just what I wanted to hear?

“Would you mind?” Cody asked softly.

“Mind what?” I asked confused.

“Ethan being gay?” He asked quietly.

I hesitated. “It’s kinda weird. When I sleep over at his place, we always share a bed. I don’t know what to think about that.”

Cody’s reply was immediate and harsh in its tone. “Has he ever tried anything on you? Touched you when you didn’t want it, or when it was more than just what is normal between friends? Has he?”

“No,” I had to admit. Sure, Ethan was very physical at times, but he was that way with everyone who let him; girls, boys, his family, everyone, and I couldn’t recall a moment when I had felt uncomfortable with that.

“Then if he is gay, you shouldn’t let that change anything between you guys,” he stated. “Just think of him as a chick.” He laughed. “Even if you might want them, just because they like dicks, it doesn’t mean that they want to have yours.”

“They don’t?” I asked, feigning surprise.

He raised his eyebrows. “I hate to break it to you, but nope, they don’t.”

“And what about you?” I asked, and regretted it immediately. Did I really want to know?

He gave me a once-over and then he grinned. “Sorry, I’m currently interested in someone else. I can let you know if it doesn’t work out and I’m available again.”

“Uh, no offense, but no thanks,” I shot back. “I like girls just fine, and that’s all I need.”

“Whatever floats your boat,” he said, which got me laughing because normally that should have been my part to say about him being gay, not his to say about me being hetero. We resumed walking, and a few minutes passed before I started talking again.

“But seriously, do you really think Ethan is gay? Are you like... gonna try to get together with him?” I asked again, still feeling the need to talk about it.

“To be honest, we’re talking wishful thinking,” Cody said seriously. He sighed. “I have no clue… but would you mind if I did?” He asked tentatively.

I thought about that. Yes, it would be weird, but who was I to tell Ethan who he should be with? I just hoped it wouldn’t change things between the two of us. Either way, as long as whoever he got together with made him happy, I was happy. Of course, that was only assuming he was gay, a small, yet growing suspicion, even if I still couldn’t really imagine it.

“It’s not my place to tell him what to do,” I finally said, and when I saw the look he gave me, I hastily added: “Well, I guess that’s not what you wanted to hear. Uhm, seriously, I don’t know you well enough to give a response. However, whatever makes Ethan happy is fine with me. If that is being with you, well, then I hope it works out.”

Cody smiled. “That’s nice to hear. No matter if Ethan is gay or not, any of your friends who happens to be like that is lucky to have you. Not everyone has friends like that.”

I nodded, once again reminded of my brothers and Mr. Adams. “Did you have any negative experiences?” I asked interestedly.

“Nothing too bad,” he said. “Other than a few, stupid comments, I’ve been lucky. My family is awesome and California and New York are both very accepting towards gays, so I haven’t had much trouble at school, except for the incident with Jenkins maybe. But it’s not like that for everyone.” He pulled his wallet out and handed me a photo from it.

“Is that your ex?” I asked, looking at the blond kid of about fourteen years. He was kind of small and scrawny, vulnerable really, but also good-looking, as far as I could tell. He sure had to be turning some girls, and guys, heads.

Cody shook his head with a melancholic expression. “I had a boyfriend once, but that is a different story. That’s Pete. He got kicked out because his parents didn’t want to have a fag living in their house.” He spit out the last words in anger.

“Wow,” I said. “Things like that still happen?” Thinking of Mr. Adams, it didn’t seem all that unlikely, but still, there was a difference between considering what could happen, and hearing about it actually happening.

“Of course,” Cody said, astounded at my surprise. One of his brother found out and told his parents. His stepfather lost it. It wasn’t pretty. A broken arm, several broken ribs, a concussion and pretty much every part of his body was bruised. Oh and a ruptured testicle. Dunno who did that one. Probably one of his brothers getting a kick in when his father took a break.”

The way he listed it seemed almost cold to me, but that might have been because he had told the story many times before while I heard it for the first time. I was horrified at the thought, and more so that something like this might happen to Josh when his parents found out. I guess in that moment I really did get Josh’s fear about Philip possibly knowing and blackmailing him. I had more or less understood what he said, but now, for the first time, I really felt what he meant.

“That’s horrible!” I exclaimed. “How could brothers, and parents, do something like this?”

Cody shrugged, and when he spoke, he sounded very bitter. “You get used to hearing stuff like that. Kids getting kicked out. People getting beaten up, people being murdered. Sure, the US is a great place for gays, compared to other countries, some of which punish us with death penalty. But that doesn’t mean it’s perfect here, either. Twenty to forty percent of homeless youth are gay, lesbian, bisexual or transgender. Gay teens are four times more likely to commit suicide than their normal heterosexual peers. Gay conversion therapy, which is basically harmful torture and condemned by scientists and medical associations, is still permitted to force onto your children pretty much everywhere. I might have it easy, and it might seem like it is not a big deal anymore, but that doesn’t mean all gay teens in the US, or in the world, have it this good.”

“I didn’t know that,” I said, at loss for appropriate words to reply to the disturbing numbers and facts he was telling me. “I’ve never really thought about this, but it sounds pretty bad.” He simply nodded, and we walked for a minute in silence until we reached a huge meadow. I looked over to the other side, watching a few teens who were tossing around a ball. Except for their occasional shouts and cheers, and some distant noises and honking from cars, it was quiet.

I finally broke the silence, not wanting to let our conversation end on such a negative topic. “How do you know about all this stuff?”

“Oh, I read a lot, and I’ve helped founding a GSA, a gay straight alliance,” Cody explained.

“They have one of those at our school, too, don’t they?” I suddenly remembered.

“Yeah,” Cody nodded. “Maybe you should come to a meeting with me. You could bring that friend of yours, too. It’s also for straight people, so you don’t have to worry about someone thinking something about it.”

“Maybe,” I said non-committally. I doubted that I would really go. Except to piss off Ian and Conrad. Imagining their reaction to a stunt like that made me grin. I might do it just to see their faces.

The sun was already setting and we had crossed the meadow. “Let’s turn left here,” I suggested. “That way will lead us out of the park, and after walking you home, it should be late enough for me to go home, too.”

For a while, we walked down a broad path until we ended up at a large, mostly empty parking lot at the other end of the park. I decided to take a shortcut and go across the lot instead of walking around it. We had barely entered it when I saw a very familiar grey suburban with a visible scratch on the left side pull onto the parking lot and stop about sixty yards away from us. What the hell was Philip doing here?

I immediately jumped behind one of the few cars standing close and started praying that I was wrong, or if I was right that he hadn’t seen me. Him knowing about our little secret was the worst thing that could possibly happen.

“Uhm, what exactly is going on?” Cody, who was still standing out in the open, asked me with a puzzled look.

“I’ll explain later,” I said, raising my hand to stop him. “Wait a second.” I carefully got up and looked through the windows of the black SUV I was hiding behind. Even though the sun was setting and it was getting dark, I could clearly see that it was Philip. He got out of his car and leaned with his back against it, apparently waiting for someone. He was facing in our direction, so I quickly lowered my head again, so he couldn’t spot me.

I turned to Cody. “See that grey suburban with that guy leaning against it? Can you watch him and tell me what he is doing? Just lean against the car, take out your phone and pretend to type something or like that, so it doesn’t look suspicious,” I ordered. Then I realized what tone I was using, and added a pleading: “Please?”

He shot me another questioning look, but did as I said. At first I didn’t hear anything from him, but then he suddenly spoke. “Dude, he’s looking over to me.”

“Don’t worry about it, as long as he doesn’t come over, it’s all good,” I replied.

“No, this is getting scary. He just stared at me and then he started to grin, or so. Now he’s looking at his phone again,” Cody complained. “Seriously, tell me what this is about.”

“Uhm, that’s…” I started, but Cody interrupted me. “There’s someone coming to his car.”

“Who?” I asked eagerly.

“Some kid,” he replied. Then he suddenly gasped. “I know that guy, he goes to school with us. His name is Seth, I think. I saw him at the last GSA meeting. He’s a freshman, as far as I know, but I’m not sure. He is like the youngest member of the club, though. Oh, and he’s definitely gay.”

I suddenly remembered Josh’s suspicions about Philip. “What are they doing?” I wanted to know.

“It looks like they know each other,” Cody commented. “Now he’s giving something to Seth. Damn, I can’t see what it is.”

Not wanting to believe what I was hearing, I looked through the windows again, so I could see for myself. Philip was still leaning against the car, and Seth was standing fairly close to him. They appeared to be discussing something. I couldn’t hear a word, but their gestures made it pretty obvious.

Cody joined me behind the car. “I don’t want Seth to see me. I have no clue what this is about, but either you’re totally being weird, or I have a reason to be scared. He hasn’t noticed me yet, and the way you are behaving, it is probably better if he doesn’t.”

“Yeah,” I simply responded, too busy watching Philip. He took out his wallet and gave Seth a few notes. Then he opened the passenger door and gestured for him to get in.

“What the hell?” I turned to look at Cody, who was now beside me, also looking through the windows. “Did you see that?” Cody blinked a few times, opened his mouth then shut it as if the words failed him to get out. “He just….he just…that was money, right? And he got Seth in his car,” Cody rambled on. “What the hell! I hope it is not what I think it is.”

“I think, I’m thinking the same as you,” I said through gritted teeth. So that was Philip’s deal? My emotions were a vortex of anger towards Philip, being scared for Josh, and feeling sorry for Seth. Whatever had gotten Seth to do what he did, this had to stop. “But it definitely looks like it is exactly that.”

“We should go to the police,” I said.

“I don’t know if that’s the best idea,” Cody stated. “Maybe it’s better to talk to Seth before we do anything? I mean, it looks pretty clear to me, but we might have it wrong. Also, how are we gonna prove it. If Seth doesn’t talk, we’ll look stupid and there probably won’t be a second chance to catch him.”

He was right. Also, if Philip found out who had reported him, and he probably would, then Josh’s and my secret would be out, and I didn’t want to imagine the fallout for Josh. Philip might just try to get back at me by hurting him. While the suburban left the parking lot, I breathed slowly, trying to calm down.

“Let’s go,” I said, as soon as they were gone. I wanted to get away from there, so I could think clearly. We left the parking lot and while we walked to Cody’s place, I tried to think of a solution for this mess. First, before doing anything else, I had to talk to Josh. I would try to do that during the next afternoon. Maybe he had some ideas.

“Could you try to find out what’s going on with Seth without arising any suspicions or scaring him away or anything?” I asked Cody. “It’s probably better if you do that. If he trusts anyone here, then that would be you since you are in the GSA, and all.”

“You are probably right. I’ll try my best,” Cody agreed. “But who was that guy anyway?”

“He works for Josh’s parents,” I informed him.

“Oh,” Cody said. “I hope he never tried anything on Josh.”

“Nope, at least not yet,” I said. I was sure that Josh wanted to keep this entirely between us, but it was too late for that anyway. “But it’s one more reason to get involved,” I added with a resolve.

After saying goodbye to Cody at his place, I turned to walk home. Now alone, my thoughts were in a total chaos. Philip, Seth, Ian, Conrad, and all those other things; if it went on like this, I was going to need a heart pacemaker in a few weeks. ‘First things first’, I resolved when I entered my home, trying to get focused. Right now my mission was to get into bed and fall asleep before Ian or Conrad could talk to me about Cody.