Living in Surreality - 28. Chapter 28

chapter 28:
: edited by viv :


Something had ended in the last seven weeks Jacob had spent in the hospital, and try as he might, he couldn't pinpoint exactly what it was. Innocence? Freedom? They were possibilities for sure, and undeniably linked to the absence of the midnight blue Mustang he knew he would encounter when he arrived home.

"You alright?" Matt asked, stealing a glance at Jacob from the driver's seat of Joanne's Explorer.

Jacob averted his gaze from the blur of passing scenery, offering Matt a warm, comfortable smile. "I'm good," he added with a slight nod.

Matt arched his brow at Jacob's response. "Are you sure?"

Jacob thought about the question, he didn't want to admit to feeling like he messed their summer up somehow, but he couldn't hide from the thinly veiled concern on both Matt's face, and in the innocent question he asked.

"I ruined it," Jacob answered, the placid grin he was wearing faltered with the revelation.

"Ruined what?" Matt asked, now openly concerned with the dark demeanor Jacob had been displaying for the last few days.

"This was supposed to be ours," Jacob said nodding out the window. "Our summer, and I messed it up." Matt didn't know how to combat Jacob's self accusation, and he didn't like the inept feeling that was brewing in the pit of his stomach.

"You wanna get some pizza?" he asked, trying to steer the conversation away from the pitfall he could see coming. Jacob shook his head in response, silently indicating that he just wanted to get home, and hopefully back to some semblance of normalcy, or as normal as things could be, now that what he saw as the end was here.

"Valerie left two days ago," Jacob stated unexpectedly some fifteen minutes later, commenting on the glaring absence of the Mustang in her driveway.

"Yup," Matt nodded, she'll probably give you a call tonight, and is already planning on driving back down in a few weeks once she gets used to the campus and settled into her routine," he answered as he pulled the explorer into Jacob's driveway and set the parking break.

Jacob sat still, staring out the window at nothing but a low brick wall shrouded with shrubs, the muscles in his jaw rigid and tense. "You're leaving too," he observed in a choked voice, not wanting to see the answer on Matt's face and completely missing the way Matt's expression dropped at the notion, mimicking the way his heart fell to his chest. "It just got good, and everything changed again."

"I'm not going to be that far away," Matt urged, placing his hand on Jacob's leg. Jacob's attention left the shrubs and turned to Matt, revealing red eyes and unshed tears as he motioned to the blue and white sign impaled in Matt's front lawn.

"You never told me about that," Jacob said, using the fallout from the failed Keats marriage as a harbinger of ill tidings.

Matt blushed at his own stupidity for not mentioning that his parents had agreed to sell the home on Lily Court as a way to divide their assets equally. Viola could have fought for retention of the residence, but in the end, after having discussed the matter with Matt decided that she just wanted away from Richard, no matter what it would cost in terms of financial relinquishment.

"It's just a house," Matt observed in a whisper as he gazed at the building he used to live in. "It was never a real home. My father made sure of that. Mom has a Condo off Mulberry, it's nice."

Jacob nodded still not feeling any better about the developments he ran into. The absence of the Mustang was one thing, he expected as much, but the thought of Matt no longer being across the street didn't set well with him in the least.

"Across town?" Jacob asked, finding little solace in the new tidbit of information.

Matt smiled, knowing the gripe Jacob had with the condo on Mulberry. He knew it had nothing to with his mother, and everything to do with the assumption that Matt was sharing the condominium with her. Matt leaned forward and placed a tender kiss on Jacob's lips, willing the small touch would ease any worry that Jacob held steadfast.

"C'mere," Matt said, his thumb grazing the downy stubble along Jacob's jaw line. "I want to show you something," he said before hopping out of the Explorer, rounding the back to retrieve Jacob's crutches before swinging the passenger door open.

"What?" Jacob asked, intrigued by the spring in Matt's gait, and even more-so by the secretive smile his inquiry received in place of an answer.

Through the front door, Jacob was relieved everything looked much the same as it had when he left on the morning of July Fourth. The cool air tainted with something other than the bitter, flat tang of Lysol. Smelling more of pineapple cut not so long ago, its aroma more distinct, and even tangible, in the corners of his mouth as they neared the kitchen.

Joanne could barely contain the excitement she felt rushing through her chest, a nagging, persistent vibration that had her wanting to spring from her seat at the kitchen table and smother her son with hugs and kisses, welcoming him home proper. Fighting that very urge, remaining seated, vibrating with excitement as she looked at a copy of Architectural Digest, pretending to read something her mind couldn't make sense of at the moment. Almost giddy with excitement, Joanne suppressed the grin tugging at the corners of her mouth as the boys entered the kitchen, Jacob hobbling and Matt walking at a steady pace by his side.

"My other freeloader is home," she said, looking up only after the tell-tale knock of Jacob's crutches against the wood floor ceased.

Jacob wobbled in his stance, stubbornly fighting the beaming smile he was breaking into at seeing his mother in her element, away from the pain and worry she always had in the hospital. He wanted to rush to her and hold her like it would be the last time, those intentions showing through in the hasty jerk forward he took.

Matt was on him in an instant, grabbing his waist to hold him upright as Joanne rushed forward from the table grabbing her son into the hug she so desperately wanted to deliver curbside. Jacob slipped from Matt's supportive grasp as he melted into his mother, confident her slight frame could support his dead weight as it had on countless occasions in the past.

A light perfume of warm lavender and sandalwood greeted his senses as Jacob clenched his eyes shut, fighting the tears that were working their way through his defenses in spite of his machismo. Beyond the scent of her familiar perfume, there was something else, something he had only ever noticed subconsciously, a note or two above her earthy floral perfume. A scent he couldn't describe or every remember smelling anywhere other than in the protective clutch of his mother.

"What ya' eating?" Jacob asked, pulling away from his mother and steadying himself on his crutches before wiping at the errant moisture around his eyes.

"Pineapple," Joanne smiled before stretching over the table retrieving the earthen-ware bowl filled with the chunked fruit and offering it to her son.

Jacob's response was natural; he could taste the sweet tang of the fruit even before he tossed one of the rough cut yellow chunks of stringy flesh into his mouth. "Thanks," he mumbled around the fruit grabbing for another piece. Joanne smiled at Jacob's appreciation, catching the look of anticipation on Matt's face as she did.

Matt had remained quiet during their greeting. True, Jacob hadn't been in a far off place and Joanne had seen her son every day while he was in the hospital, but he still felt awkward intruding on their greeting. More so, he was eager to get Jacob upstairs, he wanted Jacob to discover the biggest secret he had insured been kept while Jacob was away recovering.

"That's enough for now," Joanne said winking over Jacob's shoulder at Matt. "There'll be plenty for later," she continued moving the bowl out of Jacob's reach as he plucked his sixth piece.

"Matt wanted to show me something anyway," Jacob huffed, regretting the loss of the fruit.

"I know," Joanne issued with a conspiratorial smile before moving into the kitchen proper. Jacob rounded on Matt as his mother left, issuing him a questioning glance complete with an arched eyebrow. Matt only shrugged in response to Joanne's hanging comment.

"You need help up the stairs?" Matt asked, blushing under the suspicious grin he was receiving from Jacob.

"Yeah," Jacob answered hobbling forward, bumping his shoulder into Matt's. "Even if I hadn't been practicing getting up steps with these things," he said nodding down at the crutches, "I'd ask for your help anyway," he finished with a wink.

The trek up the stairs was probably the most measured journey up them Jacob had ever taken. He wasn't bounding up them enthusiastically, two or three steps at a time, as he was prone to do. This trek was more laborious, one step at a time. Steadying himself with the hand-rail, Jacob placed his good foot on the first tread. Using the same leg he lifted his weight off the crutches long enough to quickly swing the crutches up to the next step, only to repeat the process again.

Several times through, exertion of the seemingly simple task Jacob swayed dangerously backwards, only to press into Matt's sturdy frame as he shadowed Jacob up the narrow staircase, one hand on the banister, the other lightly pressed against the small of Jacob's back, both reassuring him and urging him forward.

Matt found the ascent arduous for an altogether different reason. He wasn't suffering from the same limitation that straddled Jacob; Matt's disability in the moment was patience, or an extreme lack thereof. He was eager to get to the top of the steps, eager to realize Jacob's reaction. Matt even entertained the idea of scooping Jacob up in his arms and carrying him up the last few steps. Knowing Jacob though, he probably saw his ladder as the last hurdle to his recovery. That, added with the fact that Matt saw himself falling backwards down the steps, had him dismissing the notion before the idea was even fully formed.

Jacob stopped for a moment to catch his breath as his footing landed on the second floor, he was lightly panting and a substantial sheen of sweat moistened his brow by the time he cleared the last step. The frustration he felt in his slow progress soundly blown out of the water by his pride for accomplishing the task. He couldn't have hidden the smile of satisfaction if he tried, even then, Matt would have known his true feelings.

"You okay?" Matt asked, grinning madly over Jacob's accomplishment, but worried about the strain it may have caused.

Jacob didn't respond verbally, only nodded his head vigorously as he turned and nudged his bedroom door further open with the rubber foot on one his crutches. Matt hung back as Jacob shuffled his way into the bedroom, a fact that wasn't lost on Jacob.

"Aren't you coming?" he asked over his shoulder, worried about Matt's apparent reluctance.

"I, uh..." Matt stammered, fidgeting slightly, "have to go to the restroom."

"Okay," Jacob shrugged, watching Matt as he continued to stand there despite his claim of having to go to the restroom.

"Yeah," Matt responded, but still refused to move off the top step.

A mischievous grin bloomed on Jacob's face; Matt's curious actions and his mother's cryptic answer earlier were slowly forming into a realization in Jacob's mind. "What are you guys up to?" Jacob asked, finding the thought of his mother and Matt conspiring more than a little daunting.

"Wh-what?" Matt blanched.

Jacob's smile broadened, and with an indifferent shrug to show Matt he was joking, Jacob continued through the doorway into his room. Matt was left on the top step, like a triumphant mountain climber having reached the peak, and now at a loss for what to do. Matt wanted to see Jacob's face, but something kept his feet planted firmly where they were, something that manifested itself in a cool trickle sliding from his armpit down his side.

Jacob turned as he shuffled into the room, ever so ready to just relax on his bed for a few minutes, perhaps a few hours. Jacob found such a want comical, he had spent the majority of the summer lying in a bed; he didn't realize a short trip upstairs could make a bed seem inviting so quickly. Lost in chuckling at himself, Jacob nearly didn't register the massive change when his eyes first brushed past the mural.

The faux pas quickly corrected as Jacob's head snapped in sudden realization to the mural enveloping the wall and his memories. A cake smeared face here, a starlit slow dance there. The memories all flooded back just as vivid as the colors on the wall, each tumbling down on him one after another, augmented by the random scent of pizza or jasmine, the sultry lick of warm rain sliding down his spine.

"Matt," he whispered, a smile building on his shocked face. "Matt!" he yelled.

Matt jumped, hearing Jacob bellow, followed quickly by the sound of an aluminum crutch colliding with the wooden floor. His reaction was instantaneous as he cleared the four feet to the door with a single step, surprised to see Jacob still standing even though a dull thud didn't proceed the sound of the crutch falling.

Matt stared at Jacob; Jacob stared at the wall between stolen side glances at Matt.

"I forgot to make the bed," Matt answered, choosing to comment on the one thing that Jacob probably would have never noticed.

Jacob's eyes moved from the mural to Matt. Twisting sideways a bit he gazed down at the disheveled linen's on his bed before turning his attention back to Matt with an altogether quizzical look on his face. The realization of what Matt was saying didn't register as he continued to stare at Matt looking awed, more from the fact that Matt had remembered the request Jacob had made what now seemed like a lifetime ago.

"When did you do this?" Jacob asked, his gaze finally settling on Matt looking much the same as the first time he met Matt, the two of them washed in an amber shower of light where he saw the same something in Matt's eyes that he saw now.

Matt shuffled into the room with a sheepish grin as his attention moved to what he considered his best work. "The day after you went into the hospital," Matt answered, gracing Jacob with a timid smile.

Jacob nodded; he didn't remember much about July Fourth, or the few days that followed. He knew the first person he wanted to see though, and as badly as part of him wanted that person to be his mother, the sight of her concerned smile when he opened his eyes only deepened the absence of Matt's.

Silently Jacob shuffled backwards, dragging the plaster of his cast along the wood planked floor as he eased down on the edge of his bed. His eyes still fixed on the mural, moving through the story, scene by scene until he reached end, where he drew a ragged breath as his eyes settled on the two 'stars' of the story kissing.

"This is why you weren't there?"

Matt nodded his head, only to shake it remorsefully. "I- I couldn't," he answered honestly. "I couldn't sit there and wait for them to tell me that... I just found you," he shook his head. "I had to get out and do something else," Matt continued as he sat beside Jacob, trying to explain why he was absent at Jacob's bedside for so long.

"Shhhh," Jacob cooed, tossing his unhindered arm over Matt's shoulder, chasing away the tremor he could feel through the mattress and Matt's proximity. "I love it," Jacob smiled, elated with the mural that covered his wall, thrilled with the hands that performed the work, delighted with the heart that had poured itself onto his wall and into his own chest. "I love you," he whispered, cuddling Matt into him and reclining the two of them down on the mattress.

The words washed over Matt like warm bathwater, comforting and refreshing, something he would never tire of hearing or feeling as he adjusted into the comfortable place in the crook of Jacob's arm and side. The place that God had made especially for him, or at least that's how it felt.

The comfort was short lived as Matt shifted suddenly, grabbing the two pillows from the head of the bed. Jacob leaned up, allowing Matt to situate one under his head saving the other for himself. Pillows in place, and Matt once again safely tucked into his side; Jacob stared at the wall again, taking every nuance in as he rested his head on the cast on his right arm. After thinking quietly to himself for several moments, Jacob lulled his head in Matt's direction as a deliberate smile bloomed on his handsome face.

"Do you think Valerie would have our baby?" he asked.

"What?" Matt asked, blindsided by the question and how far in the future Jacob was willing to think.

Jacob didn't bother to repeat the question. "Cause if she does, I call dibs on..." His remark was cut short by a pair of Matt's fingers digging into his ribs causing him to laugh involuntarily.

"I don't think so pal," Matt chided. "If she agrees, you're so nutting in a beaker."

"You," Jacob responded, in between fits of laughter, "ruin all the fun."

"Don't worry," Matt said smiling. "I'll be right there in the room with you. Maybe even toss some of mine in as well and they can shake it up or something."

Jacob laughed even louder, picturing the whole event taking place in a fertility clinic, he and Matt explaining that they wouldn't need any visual aides, and would like just one room.

"Seriously though," Jacob said after he calming down, his eyes begging Matt for an honest answer.

"I dunno," Matt said with an easy shrug, enjoying the idea a little himself. "We can always ask her when she comes home for Thanksgiving."

"I'd like that," Jacob decided settling into his bed, holding Matt close with his good arm and staring at the story of their love emblazoned on his wall by Matt's hand.

Matt didn't want to ruin the quiet he and Jacob had settled into, but he there was one question burning at the base of his chest, a question that he needed the answer to. Sure, it could wait for another day, or even later on in the evening, but as he lay there pressed into Jacob's side, the question nagged at his mind.

Jacob's breathing just began to even out as he gave in to the weight of his eyelids, letting them close and block out the mural, replacing its pictures with vibrant memories playing out like movies in Jacob's mind. The proud smile Jacob wore may have faded with his fatigue, but evidence of that same smile still graced the slightly upturned corners of his mouth.

"Jacob," Matt whispered, dragging his index finger along Jacob's side.

"Mmm..." Jacob body rocked under Matt's finger as he grunted the response, but didn't open his eyes.

"Can I ask you something?" he asked, flattening his hand out on Jacob's chest and reveling in the murmur of a heartbeat he felt there.

"Mmm..." Jacob answered, floating in the surreality between dreams and consciousness.

"Are you going to ride again?" Matt asked even though he felt he knew the answer already.

Six words strung together to form a distant question. That was all it took to drag Jacob back through the fog as his eyes snapped open, the faint content smile on his lips fading as he turned his head slightly to look at Matt in the eyes.

"Would you be mad?" he asked now wide awake.

Matt's eyes drifted down as he pondered the question for a few moments. Would he be mad? It was a tough question in the end. Above everything else, he wanted Jacob safe, but Matt also didn't want to see Jacob defeated, if that was Jacob's perception on the accident, Matt accepted that Jacob would one day straddle a bike again.

Searching out Jacob's waiting eyes with ease, Matt inched his lips forward placing a light kiss on Jacob's lips. "No," he answered, as sure of his decision as he could be watching Jacob's eyes soften, and take on the contented dreamy look the question had initially chased away.

"When do you have to go home?" Jacob asked as his eyes grew heavy again, wanting to just lay there with Matt for a while.

"I'm already home," Matt answered thinking of his clothes hanging in the closet next to Jacob's as he burrowed into Jacob's side, indulging in the scent of Jacob, a smell, which as far as Matt was concerned, had been absent from the bed linens for far too long.

Jacob, didn't say anything, squeezing Matt to himself instead as he let the weight overtake his vision once again.

***

The gnarled, vibrant orange saucer cut a graceful arc through the air, suspended by its motion until Hannibal plucked the disc from the air with relative ease. Wagging her tail in excitement, she roughly tossed the Frisbee on the ground and pounced on it before clutching the toy in her slobbering jaws again.

"Hannah," Deacon called out, patting his thighs roughly with a set of open hands. "C'mere girl."

The lean, muscular Wiemaraner heeded the call of her master and took off across the open field, her head undulating with every gallop as she held on to her well-loved toy. With all the excitement of a puppy a third of her age, Hannah buried her head into Deacon's midsection as he sat on his haunches welcoming her with open arms.

Hannah growled playfully as she jerked back on the worn Frisbee Deacon was trying to yank from her grasp. A quick scratch behind her floppy ears released the disc from her grasp as she sought out Deacon's hand, giving the fleshy pad at the base of his hand gentle bite before an appreciative lick.

"You're going to burn them," Valerie said standing beside Jacob who was manning the grill, as she bounced a toddler on her hip.

"I'm not going to burn them," Jacob repeated, annoyed with Valerie's insistence that he was going to reduce the hamburgers to glorified hockey pucks... again. "I only ever burned them the one time," he added for measure.

"Uhuh," Valerie observed with a keen smile, remembering about how she and Matt had to make a run to the chicken place to make up for the inedible meal. "They need to be flipped," she added.

"I just flipped them!" Jacob argued as Matt slid up behind him and wrapped his arms around Jacob's waist in a loose hug.

"Almost ready?" Matt asked, setting his chin on Jacob's shoulder.

"Grill Master here keeps telling me how to cook," Jacob accused, pointing a spatula in Valerie's direction.

"Well you did..." Matt began to say but stopped abruptly, laughing as Jacob pushed him off.

Jacob turned from the grill, holding an accusing spatula in Matt's direction, "She's already reminded me of that."

"Harass your own man, this one's mine," Matt laughed at Valerie.

Valerie rolled her eyes and smirked before fiddling with the toddler's shirt. "He's with the other woman," she scowled playfully, "Wanna go get him?" she asked with a sweet smile.

"Sure," Matt offered.

"Hand me a plate," Matt heard Jacob say as he walked off in search of Deacon and Hannah, followed quickly by Valerie saying, "see, I told you."

Matt found Deacon crouched on the ground some one-hundred yards away, trying to wrestle Hannah's favorite toy from her mouth. "Why did you ever name this dog Hannibal?" Matt asked leaning in to give the grey colored canine a sound scratching as she panted and took up a more relaxed pose in the lush green carpeting of the park.

"She was supposed to be a boy," Deacon scowled slightly, but ruffled the dog's head and floppy ears anyhow, muttering a string of gibberish in baby talk at the dog.

Matt chuckled lightly, both at Deacon being inept to tell the sex of a puppy and his unabashed love in the form of unintelligible coos aimed at Hannah, which she apparently lapped up with as much gusto as any human infant would have.

"You guys going to come eat?" Valerie called out from the nearby gathering of picnic benches the group had occupied, still jostling the toddler on her hip.

Deacon stood and patting his thigh with the orange Frisbee, Hannah jumped to her feet as well, following at an obedient trot behind her master. Grabbing a baby wipe, Deacon cleaned of his hands before place a small kiss on Valerie's cheek.

"And I thought you were only in this for the dog," Valerie chided with a smile.

"Me, me, me, me, me," Deacon mimicked shaking his head about jokingly, as he retrieved a Tupperware bowl sitting next to Jacob's helmet on the table, popping the lid he grabbed a chocolate chip cookie and quickly popped into his mouth.

Jacob laughed as he passed Valerie carrying a plate with hamburger patties and hot dogs, pausing a moment to kiss the forehead of the eighteen-month old Valerie was holding.

"Someone is so aiming to sleep on the couch tonight," Valerie chuckled aiming a wink in Deacon's direction. Her chuckle turned into a soft laugh at the pout forming around his chocolate chip cookie, before she leaned in and kissed him.

"Enough of that," Joanne said in a jubilant voice as she stood up from where she was having a conversation with Viola, Dan, and Kitty. "Give me my grandson," she said hold her arms open in Valerie's direction. "Hi, hi baby James," Viola cooed, making O's with her mouth, inciting a gurgling series of giggles from her grandson.

Matt sat down on the bench next to Jacob, smiling in Joanne's direction as Dan, Kitty, and his own mother stood to gush over their grandchild. Not thinking about the action, his hand sought out Jacob's and grasped it in familiarity, leaving the matching stainless steel wristbands they wore to rub together.

Jacob didn't seem overly enthusiastic about the any of platinum rings they had looked at. It wasn't a lack of love or respect for the commitment they would be making; he was more than ready for that, even being the driving force at times. He just found the idea of rings too standard, too predictable to signify the love he felt every morning when he woke up next to Matt lying beside him. The life they had found in each other was more than the run of the mill, more than a cookie cutter wedding band could properly signify.

Matt was keen on Jacob's more than subtle hints about a bracelet of sorts. He would talk about rubber ones, but be bummed about the fact they were made of rubber. The metal ones the found were all too bulky or could fall off too easily There was the mention of a braided wristband much like a friendship bracelet in Junior High, but Matt knew something had to be done when Jacob suggested matching wrist tattoos. Arguing against the tattoo idea, which seemed firm in Jacob's mind, Matt kept his idea more under wraps and asked a friend if he could make a set of matching wristbands out of stainless steel.

Jacob was speechless as Matt slipped the thin cuff on his wrist, and that was okay with Matt because it gave him a chance to thank Jacob. Thank him for his persistence, for continually whittling away at his defenses, besting the dragon within and setting his heart free.

Jacob didn't answer with words, they were a weakness, he answered Matt's accusation by gathering his face in his hands and pulling him in for a deep kiss, providing a connection between them far stronger than his fumbling blindly for the right words in the moment ever would. The bracelets were later secured in place so they could never be taken off.

The Hart Senate Office Building was more than the twenty-nine hundred miles that separated it from the sun drenched park in Oak Meadow California. It was a world away; both in acceptance and values, but the junior member of the U.S. Senate was the furthest thing from the minds of the family that was celebrating Matt and Jacob's sixth anniversary in the park. Matt wouldn't deny the fact that somewhere he wished his father was there, but had long ago accepted the impasse the two of them had reached.

As Jacob looked out at their family he reflected on the small city nestled in the rolling foothills of Southern California. It all seemed different now, Jacob mused, thinking back on the first time he laid eyes on this new place. It all seemed so different, so strange, its filtered light more placid than the light he knew in Sacramento. Now it was home even in the garish light of the mid-day summer sun, and for all that it was worth, Jacob wouldn't have it any other way.

With the thought, Jacob gave Matt's hand a light squeeze before he leaned in and placed a kiss on Matt's neck. "You wanna go rescue your kid?" Jacob asked nodding towards the adoring grandparents.

"You're the big bad hero fire-fighter," Matt observed with a smile.

Jacob thought about the statement, "I am, ain't I," he stated looking overly confidant.

"Yep," Matt mused. "But I think he's safe enough, unless Deacon starts talking to him like he talks to his dog." Moments later Deacon stumbled forward, carrying James at arms length.

"Somebody needs to be changed," Deacon announced, clearly planning to flee the moment he handed the toddler off.

Matt smiled as he turned to Jacob, "And that's your kid."

Jacob did his best to look exasperated as he let go of Matt's hand and stood from the bench seat. "Do you think I could con Mom into doing it?" he asked looking at Matt hopefully while grabbing for the duffle bag that now served as an improvised diaper bag.

"No," Joanne called looking away from Viola and Valerie's parents.

Jacob shrugged as he collected his son from Deacon's comical grasp. With a quick kiss to James' cheek, he whispered, "Looks like it's just you and me, Kid."

FIN