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    Talo Segura
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Stories posted in this category are works of fiction. Names, places, characters, events, and incidents are created by the authors' imaginations or are used fictitiously. Any resemblances to actual persons (living or dead), organizations, companies, events, or locales are entirely coincidental.
Note: While authors are asked to place warnings on their stories for some moderated content, everyone has different thresholds, and it is your responsibility as a reader to avoid stories or stop reading if something bothers you. 

Camp Echo - 1. Chapter One - The Boys (second edition).

The first few chapters have been tidied up with proper paragraphing and some editing to improve the reading experience.

Camp Echo
by Talo Segura
copyright 2018


Introduction

Boys and girls come out to play,
The moon does shine as bright as day;
Come with a hoop, and come with a call,
Come with a good will or not at all.
Loose your supper, and loose your sleep,
Come to your playfellows in the street.


Prelude

When you go to camp echo your goals are high, it’s the most beautiful place on earth. One big family, you never want to leave, it’s a magic place, you’ll make memories and bonds that will last a lifetime. If only they aren’t broken like crushed dreams that evaporate in the air, disappear, and leave no trace, only dried up tears.

 

Chapter One - The Boys

second edition

 

Quite how Max became friends with Geoffrey is a mystery, but he was the person whom he often turned to for reasons unknown, he had become Max's confidant.

“It was a shed. Well, you know, not an actual shed. I mean it was a railway building. Used to be a shed.” Max was telling Geoffrey.

“Used to be?” Geoffrey questioned.

“Yeah. It was next to the railway.”

“Oh. You don’t know where?” Geoffrey frowned..

“Well, I guess.”

“Never mind. I’m listening.”

“Aeriol took us.”

“Aeriol always takes you darling. I know, believe me.”

Geoffrey knew Aeriol probably as well as he knew Max. Each of them had in some way settled into their own roles, something which left Max in a sort of relationship, living with Aeriol, and Geoffrey like some independent guru recluse in his own bedsit.

That, of course, is a massive over simplification, and it was nothing like that.

“Me and Jules. We were meeting up with Reuben and his boyfriend. That's pronounced Ru-ven.” Max continued his explanation.

“And?”

“So, yeah. We go upstairs and there’s rows of benches. Screen in front. We were just in time. It was about to start.”

“The film?”

“Of course, what else?”

Geoffrey raised an eyebrow and smiled.

“It was one of those gay art films. I don’t remember the name.”

“Reuben. You were telling me about him," Geoffrey prompted.

“I squeezed in along the bench next to Reuben. Kevin was the other side.”

“His boyfriend?”

“Yeah. Nice guy. So... Aeriol is next to me and Jules at the end. We had to squeeze up. The lights dim. Reuben didn’t say anything. Then the palm of his hand is on my leg. On my thigh. And I’m like, instantly hard!”

“I suppose you would be, darling.” Geoffrey now had a broad grin across his face.

“Geof...frey, what’s that supposed to mean?”

“Now if I have to spell it out.”

“I was surprised. It was so unexpected.”

“I’m sure it was. Do you always get hard when you’re surprised?”

“Cut it out. You wanna hear this or not?”

“Oh well, now you’ve got me interested. Reuben, that would be Jewish?”

“Yeah, it is. So what?”

“Does he have a large nose?”

“Meaning?”

“Well my dear. You do know about men with... um, large proboscis?”

“No, no, no. Nobody believes that stuff. It’s like from Hello Magazine or National Enquirer.”

“If you say so.”

“It wouldn’t matter anyway.”

Geoffrey raised his eyebrows again, and gave a little flick of the head. It was his silent I don’t believe you, response.

“He doesn’t do that.”

“Uh ha!”

“Geoffrey... he doesn’t fuck!”

“Oooh! Another bottom.” Geoffrey quipped.

“No. Not another bottom. You’re making me jump ahead.”

“Mmm, well I’m sorry, but Jewish and a large honker!”

“He does NOT have a big nose. And I don’t believe that crap anyway. He has black hair and dark skin. He’s actually pretty good looking. And very sexy!”

“I think you mean sallow skin. Mediterranean.”

“Whatever. Shall I stop?”

“No, no. Mother wants to know all. You were getting hard. Nothing new there.”

Max ignored the last comment, although he briefly wondered.

“After, we went back to Reuben’s place. Aeriol, Jules, and Reuben were talking about the film. I never paid it much attention.”

“No you wouldn’t have. You had other things on your mind.”

“You make it sound like I jump into bed with every new guy I meet.”

“I do?

Max ignored the insinuation.

“So I’m talking to Kevin. He’s an interesting guy. He had just come back from Japan. I mean, can you believe that? Japan!”

“I can believe anything. Suddenly you seem more interested in Kevin than Reuben.”

“Just not interested in that arty film. Kevin is definitely into one to one relationships. I got the idea all was not well between them.”

“So that’s what you were doing. I just knew it.” Geoffrey sort of huffed and raised his shoulders. “You were testing the water.”

“No, it wasn’t like that at all.”

Max looked around the little room. If he reflected on Geoffrey's situation, mirrored by where he lived, it didn't seem so great. Still the guy was a great listener, despite his airs and graces, and Max liked being able to talk to him. He thought his time spent with Geoffrey would cost him a fortune on the couch of a professional, without ever being so entertaining. Even if Geoffrey annoyed and irritated him, he was entertaining. Max smiled to himself.

“This Reuben guy. How old is he?” Geoffrey asked.

“I don’t know. I don’t go round asking everyone's age.”

“He’s older then?”

“Yeah. He’s older. Maybe twenty-six, or twenty-eight, or something. But anyway, we didn’t have that much time cos Aeriol wanted to get back.”

“That’s it then?”

“No. I arranged to come over and see Reuben. Next Friday.”

“That would be a day that Aeriol is busy, and Reuben's boyfriend won’t be there.”

The thought crossed Max's mind that Geoffrey was good at this. He was very astute.

“Not at all! As it happens yes. But Aeriol and I have an open relationship.”

“Is that what you call it? I thought he clicked his fingers and you jumped. And he does have a big honker!”

“You, are, a size queen.”

“You don’t deny it?”

“What that Aeriol is a big prick, or that he’s busy on Friday?”

“If you talked back to Aeriol like that. Well, I simply can’t imagine what would happen.”

“Oh, I’m sure you could. You know him quite well.”

Max was holding his own and giving Geoffrey as good as he got.

“And so. You’re off to see Reuben.”

“This was last week. I went to see Reuben already.”

“Oooh, you’ve picked up the Jewish parlance.”

“Shut up.”

“What happened?”

“He explained that he didn’t do anal.”

“And you were so looking forward to it.”

The banter was going back and forth like the climax to a tennis match.

“Fuck you, Geoffrey!”

“No, Max. Fuck... YOU.”

“There was this other young guy there when I arrived.”

“And, he was whom?”

“Davy. He was youngish.”

“Yeah, you said. I’ve got it. Davy was a few years your junior. Which makes him what? Sixteen?”

“I don’t know. He looked young, but...”

“I know,” Geoffrey interrupted smiling broadly. “You don’t ask their age.”

“Well Davy left, but they arranged to meet up.”

“I assume Davy was not his son then?”

“Nah. Of course not. But as it happens, Reuben is married. They’re separated.”

“Well, no surprise there," Geoffrey told him.

“You have an acerbic commentary every time.”

“Big word, Max. No doubt it comes with experience.”

The ball was whacked into Max's court.

“It could be why Kevin and Reuben are splitting up. His wife lives in America, and Reuben wants to move back there,”

“You lost on all counts. Except the split with Kevin.”

“I did not go there as a pick up.”

“Of course you didn't. But, well, long distant relationships never work, and definitely not when the other guy is married.”

“You think you know it all. He’s not going back to America yet. It’s a plan. And he’s not going to join his wife. He can live there, and he prefers that country. He’s got a green card. He can find a job and, well that’s the plan.”

Like usual, Max was losing the game.

“And poor Kevin?”

“Well Reuben is like Aeriol. He’s not into monogamy.”

“I’m glad you qualified that. Because he does sound very similar to Aeriol.”

“Kevin is going back to Japan. He has a job there. He came back to see where their relationship was. Before he made up his mind about Japan.”

“And you and Reuben?”

“There is no me and Reuben. But it’s odd.”

“How so?”

“I like him. Even if he isn’t into sex. Well some sex. And that Davy. I wonder what they do?”

The odd truth about Geoffrey and Max, was that Geoffrey could see more clearly what Max was doing, than he could himself.

“Don’t tell me you’re jealous of a man and boy who don’t even have sex. And all this comes from a hard on at some art cinema.”

“You make it sound sordid. And you make me... I don’t know.”

“Look. Forget it Max. Whatever they do. Whatever the relationship. Forget it.”

“I can’t.”

Game, set, and match. Max admitted to Geoffrey a fascination with this boy Davy, a stranger he glimpsed when he went round to see Reuben. Geoffrey's advice might prove to be well founded, but Max would never follow it.

 

 

The more time Maximillian spent with Reuben the less he got to know him. Exactly the inverse of any normal relationship, but it wasn’t any normal relationship. The boy Davy, Max only ever heard about, after that one, first brief encounter. He would go over to Reuben’s flat and only Reuben would be there, except this one time.

“I met this guy.”

Geoffrey did not appear to be paying too much attention. He nodded, but didn’t reply.

“Hey! Geoffrey. Geoffrey, are you listening?”

“Yes my dear. You were telling me you met someone.”

“Only... you seem distracted.”

“Mother was thinking about her trip.”

“Why do you talk like that?”

“Excuse me!”

“In the third person... why?”

“Well, you must have heard the Queen?”

“What!”

“The Queen. Her Royal Highness,”

“No man, you’ve lost me.”

“Her Majesty always uses the Royal we.”

“Are you stoned?”

Max scrutinised Geoffrey, trying to discern if he was high on something. In the dim light, with the blinds half closed he couldn't clearly see his eyes.

“Just continue dear. I was contemplating my voyage.”

“Alright. When are you going?”

Geoffrey smiled, “Quite soon, quite soon. Then you will be alone for three whole months, whilst I enjoy myself in Brazil.”

Max thought about that for a moment, but only registered the going away bit and not the three months. He continued his story. “I met this friend of Reuben’s. Tall, slim, blond, very nice. His name is Jonathan.”

“You flirt.”

“Well, we are going to meet up on Saturday. At a gay pub he knows. Not far from where he lives.”

“So now you have forgotten your Jewish man. Is this because he is imminently decamping to the other side of the Atlantic?” Geoffrey pursed his lips and raised his eyebrows.

“No Geoffrey. It’s because he’s into leather, and handcuffs, and... It’s not my thing.”

Max didn't really know what Reuben was into, he simply made that up to provoke Geoffrey. Nevertheless, by an odd twist of fate, he would later find out that he was probably right.

“Mmm. Are you sure? I could picture you stripped and strung up," Geoffrey teased.

“You’re depraved!”

“Ah huh. And you aren't?”

Max ignored the question. He didn’t think it merited a response.

“Oh, don’t sulk. Tell me all about Jonathan, he sounds super.”

“I’ll tell you next Sunday, if you’re still here.”

“I will be," Geoffrey assured him. "My last weekend, so make sure you do,”

Max glanced around the room as he stood up to leave. “Why don’t you tidy up a bit and open the blinds?”

“It was a long night. That answer your question?”

Max turned and left, but he’d be back next Sunday. He knew it, and so did Geoffrey, although he pretended not to care.

 

 

Finding the pub was easy. You wouldn’t even need to know the name, but he did. Jonathan had specified the time and place. The crowd of early evening drinkers spread outside onto the pavement. Under any other circumstances Max would have ignored them and walked on by. But he very much wanted to meet Jonathan, he was banking on getting invited back. Jonathan said the pub was near to where he lived. Max squeezed his way through the crowd as one or two heads turned his way, but he was mostly ignored. Still he was careful not to bump anyone or spill anyone’s drink. He thought about Reuben as he found the front door and went inside, it seemed distinctly full of leather men. Somewhat daunting, but he was a boy with a mission.

Jonathan saw Max before Max could find him amongst the crowd. “You found it?”

Stupid greeting, Max thought. Of course I bloody found it. I’m not stupid am I? But you could have said it was a leather bar.’

Jonathan was saying something, “...Arlo, and this is Patrick.”

“Hi,” Max didn’t feel like being very enthusiastic. For one thing, he felt out of place; second, he had the impression he was looking up at everybody. Even Jonathan, who was taller than him looked dwarfed.

“Can I get you a drink?” Jonathan asked.

He knew Jonathan was being nice, but at the same time he got the distinct impression that he never expected him to come. That in some way he was intruding on Jonathan’s Saturday night out. But he couldn't believe Jonathan was looking to pick up one of these hunks.

“Beer please,” Max finally answered.

He looked up and half smiled at Arlo and Patrick as Jonathan pushed his way to the bar.

“You're a friend of Jonathan's?” Arlo was smiling at him.

Are all these people completely inane? Max asked himself. “Yeah, we just met.”

That statement seemed to throw Arlo. Max looked around as far as he could, but only saw leather and people’s backs. He did notice two things: there were some leather caps, and Arlo’s personality didn't seem to match his macho look.

Jonathan reappeared, miraculously without spilling any beer. Quite a feat given the crowd. Conversation, of sorts, followed, but Max paid little attention. He kept thinking about how soon he could get out of there and how he’d work his way into Jonathan's bed. The thought made him hard. Maybe Geoffrey was right, he was a slut. By the time it got late and the crowd had actually thinned out, it became obvious Jonathan was out of luck if he wanted to get off with someone. Which of course Max was pleased about.

“You know it’s a long way back home for me,” Max almost whimpered like a lost puppy.

Jonathan smiled but didn’t respond, still he was too nice to ignore Max.

“Maybe I could stay over at your place?” Max suggested.

Jonathan took a moment to pause before answering. “Well, the thing is...”

“Please, Jonathan. I won’t be any trouble. Just to sleep.”

That’s what he said, but his plan was to do more than sleep.

“Max I’d like to be able to, but...”

Again Max interrupted, “please.”

And Jonathan relented.

“Okay, but so it’s clear. There’s only one bed. We can share, but NO sex. I insist on that.” Jonathan looked at him, trying to make certain he got the message.

“Let’s go then.” Max smiled.

After saying their goodbyes, Jonathan led the way home.

 

 

“I’m all ears," Geoffrey said, and he did look like he was paying attention. For once the blinds were up, the sun shone in illuminating the room with shards of light. It was incredibly tidy, everything seemed put away and in its place.

Max had arrived early. He wanted to make sure not to miss Geoffrey, because he had the follow up episode about meeting Jonathan to tell him. “Jonathan made it clear I could sleep in his bed, but no sex. How was that gonna work?” Max asked Geoffrey.

“I don’t know my dear. I simply can’t imagine.”

Was Geoffrey taking the piss? Mocking him? “Well, anyhow. We went into his bedroom and he began to undress.”

“You did what?” Geoffrey asked, with feigned astonishment.

“What do you think?” There was a silent pause. “I looked.”

“And?”

“And, he didn’t react. Just slipped under the covers. He said, ‘You sleep on that side, okay.’ It wasn’t okay, but...”

“So did something happen?”

“Nothing.”

“You know what Max.”

“What?”

“Your tall, slim, blond boy is into men, not boys.”

“I figured that out. He was me, only older.” Max admitted.

“What now?”

“I don’t know. It’s frustrating.”

“And Aeriol, things okay there?” Geoffrey asked, changing the subject

“No change. Except he’s seeing Alex.” Max told him.

“Alex?”

“Yeah. A black boy. I wonder what it’s like, I’ve never been with a black boy. He is kinda cute.”

“And black boys are like Jewish men with big noses.”

Geoffrey loved his provocative quips, they seemed to slide off his tongue. Max burst out laughing, and Geoffrey chuckled.

“That's what they say. Of course I wouldn’t know.” Geoffrey added.

“You’re shocking.”

“I know," Geoffrey replied. "So Max, you'll be all alone, I won’t be here," he reminded him.

“I guess so.”

If you got here, then you probably read the first chapter. Take a minute, please, to comment, and let me know what you thought.
Thank you - Tal.
Copyright © 2018 Talo Segura; All Rights Reserved.
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Stories posted in this category are works of fiction. Names, places, characters, events, and incidents are created by the authors' imaginations or are used fictitiously. Any resemblances to actual persons (living or dead), organizations, companies, events, or locales are entirely coincidental.
Note: While authors are asked to place warnings on their stories for some moderated content, everyone has different thresholds, and it is your responsibility as a reader to avoid stories or stop reading if something bothers you. 
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Chapter Comments

Interesting first chapter. I liked the way that, in spite of the fact that it was nearly all dialogue, we managed to get to know so many different characters. I'll be interested to see how this plays out.

 

The introduction of the two names Davy and Jonathan near the beginning, along with the Jewish references, made me think of the relationship between David and Johnathan in the Old Testament: "Jonathan made a covenant with David, because he loved him as his own soul" (1 Samuel 18:3) - one example where the Old Testament mentions love between two people of the same gender.

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4 hours ago, Marty said:

in spite of the fact that it was nearly all dialogue, we managed to get to know so many different characters

Thank you, thank you, so much. That was exactly what I was hoping to achieve, I'm so pleased it worked for you (obviously I liked the dialogue intro myself, but I have to confess having been told by others, not on this site, to go away and come back when I'd learnt how to write, your comment gives me real encouragement).

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3 hours ago, Talo Segura said:

I have to confess having been told by others, not on this site, to go away and come back when I'd learnt how to write, your comment gives me real encouragement

 

The haters will always hate, the knockers will always try to knock people down...

 

Have faith in yourself - you have talent. :thumbup:

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Talo, first I see that you were able to get the story cover right up front where it belongs. Good for you.

The story is interesting, but sometimes I’m confused as to who is talking as this is mostly dialogue. There are a number of characters too, which I’m trying to keep straight. I didn’t pick up what Marty picked up about the Old Testament because I  know very little about it.

I’m interested to see how it develops. I think you did pretty good getting all the boys in with a two-person dialogue. Now, on to Sex.

Glad to see that this isn’t on hold any longer. Thank you.

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On 2/18/2019 at 12:49 PM, Marty said:

 

The haters will always hate, the knockers will always try to knock people down...

 

Have faith in yourself - you have talent. :thumbup:

I agree!

The only way to get better is to write and suffer through the critics. Some have nothing good to say (you ignore) and some have good criticism (who you can learn from) like you recently gave me and which I’m trying to incorporate into my writing.

Go for it!

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1 hour ago, Arran said:

...sometimes I’m confused as to who is talking as this is mostly dialogue. There are a number of characters too, which I’m trying to keep straight.

It's the first thing I wrote and there is probably too much dialogue and not enough narrative, well actually the opening chapters are practically all dialogue. There are lots of characters which doesn't make it easy to follow. If I'm being my own critic, it's a bit of a soap opera, I can't exactly call it a story with a plot. 

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4 hours ago, Talo Segura said:

It's the first thing I wrote and there is probably too much dialogue and not enough narrative, well actually the opening chapters are practically all dialogue. There are lots of characters which doesn't make it easy to follow. If I'm being my own critic, it's a bit of a soap opera, I can't exactly call it a story with a plot. 

Okay that answers why I was having difficulty trying to figure out the plot. I thought I was being premature as this is only chapter one. You still did well with the intro in the story header. It pretty well covered what the “soap opera” (your words) is about. I’m really interested to see where it goes, though.

But don’t be hard on yourself. You’re experimenting and there’s nothing wrong with that. I figure you for more of a nonconformist. Am I right?

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5 hours ago, Arran said:

I figure you for more of a nonconformist. Am I right?

I think you probably are right. I did come away from writing Camp Echo and decided I should try a proper story, Milo, which worked out fine. The funny thing about writing a book, is that everyone ( including myself ) thinks they can do it. Everyone ( nearly everyone ) is literate and so, who can't I write a book? You wouldn't think that way about playing music or singing, you have to learn how to do it. Otherwise you need to be content with singing to yourself in the shower or making sounds no one else calls music. :rofl:

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9 hours ago, Talo Segura said:

I think you probably are right. I did come away from writing Camp Echo and decided I should try a proper story, Milo, which worked out fine. The funny thing about writing a book, is that everyone ( including myself ) thinks they can do it. Everyone ( nearly everyone ) is literate and so, who can't I write a book? You wouldn't think that way about playing music or singing, you have to learn how to do it. Otherwise you need to be content with singing to yourself in the shower or making sounds no one else calls music. :rofl:

I agree. Being a writer, a good writer, requires a lot of work, dedication and tenacity. A good story requires a lot of thought and organization. While I’m not good with outlines, I think they are  needed to create good story flow and to help avoid writer’s block.

So, are you going to finish Camp Echo, or focus your efforts elsewhere? I’ll still read it, no matter what.

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On 11/26/2019 at 6:27 PM, Arran said:

So, are you going to finish Camp Echo, or focus your efforts elsewhere? I’ll still read it, no matter what.

Yes. I will bring it to an end, but I'm not sure when. Which is why there are sometimes large gaps between chapters. However, I will sort something out. It's a challenge.

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Interesting way to introduce many of the characters through Max and Geoffrey's interactions. We got to see something of  the whole group dynamics.

I was expecting Max and Aeriol to be more of an item based on the synopsis you gave but it looks like they share a place and not much more. 

Looking forward to the communal gatherings and the whole philosophical discussions that I expect will happen. And exactly what has Max to look forward to, in his sex life? ;) 

I read the other comments. Dialogue is great as far as I am concerned. It encourages the reader to think about what was said but leaves you to decide upon what may not have been said, and what was actually meant. That's a different thing entirely. So much better than being spoon fed what we are to think.

Keep it going @Talo Segura 

At first, I thought Geoffrey was going to be a bit too much for my tastes. But now it's a pity that he's leaving for Brazil for three months. He's not short on perspicacity.

Edited by Bard Simpson
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1 hour ago, Bard Simpson said:

He's not short on perspicacity.

If Geoffrey were in this conversation, he would say: "Big word, Bard!" Being more serious, I'm glad you got to like Geoffrey, I like him too, and he has some good insights. On the point of dialogue, too much, too little, more narrative, etc. etc. I did modify it a bit, hence the annotation (second edition). Not wanting to come across as either too conceited or not caring about what I write, I have visited a number of writing sites, received critiques and comments, have learnt a few things and aim to try and use what I've learnt going forward. However, you do often get conflicting opinions about how to write and consequently I think the best approach is to take away what you think are good points and ignore the rest. If not you feel like you're in a washing machine, tumbling around, waiting for the spin cycle that will get you more or less dry, depending on the program. 

Thanks for your comments, I enjoy getting readers' take on things and the story line. All comments are good and very welcome. Oh and as for Max's sex life - he has a lot going on!

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On 3/13/2020 at 10:28 AM, Bard Simpson said:

perspicacity.

I just learned a new word (and I looked it up), although it’s difficult to pronounce. Say it three times quickly and you’ll be tongue-tied.

Very good response, Talo.

Edited by Arran
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Well I like the dialogue. It is not that unusual a format and quickly builds the characters by what they say, particularly when you add in the little asides and comments. I started reading your work because these are marked complete and count myself lucky to have found an author who writes differently and appropriately for each story. Formula writing has its place I suppose, in the way that “wham, bam, thank you man” gives some relief but is not satisfying. Your work is intellectual and gives me pause to think. That is satisfying. Moving on now to the next chapters.

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