Freshman Year - 12. Apologies

Wesley and Seamus

By Wesley Lewis

Chapter 12: Apologies

“Why are you crying?” Melvin asked, if I didn’t know any better I would say he was concerned. When I looked up he had a look of concern on his face. I still wasn’t sure what he wanted and truthfully didn’t care, I just wanted to be alone.

“I just found out my mother died I’m not really in the mood to deal with people at this second.” I was hoping that would get rid of him but the look on his face said he wasn’t ready to do that yet. So, I sighed and told him to sit down and I’d tell him the whole story up to my outburst at Jesse.

“Dude I hate to say this, but you were a total ass. I get your mom died but Jesse didn’t mean anything by what he said, I’m sure he was just trying to lighten the mood.” As soon as the words left his mouth I knew they were true. All I cared about was how it affected me. I ran out of the house so quick I didn’t even bother to check on daddy.

“Melvin, what are you doing out here by yourself? You look like you’ve had a rough day.”

“Well my old man was drunk, and I can’t stand being around him when he’s like that. I mean its not like he hits me or my brother, but he’s just an intolerable asshole.”

“Well what about your mom, what does she have to say about it?”

“Nothing, of course, it is hard to say something when you don’t have any idea where she is. Me and Tommy haven’t seen her since we were little.”

After saying that I could see Melvin had tears in his eyes and I couldn’t think of a way to comfort him. It was weird seeing this big guy who liked pushing me and others around be in such a vulnerable state. It seems we both got a bad draw when it came to mothers. It’s difficult to describe the way I was feeling now, whether I should pity, sympathize, or laugh. I say laugh because of him crying, but then I don’t have room to be laughing at him with what happened between my mother and me. I could sympathize with him, but it would feel a little forced if I’m being honest.

It was awkward just sitting there on the swing set doing nothing at all, so I figured I’d ask him about school and stuff. He told me he was passing everything but English, which was one of my favorite classes. I offered to help him, and he immediately accepted. He asked if he could come to one of the meeting of the GSA and I told him anyone could come too it but when I asked him why he got real nervous and started to withdraw. I told him he didn’t have to tell me anything, but he confided in me and told he was gay and he needed someone to talk to and he figured that would be the best place to go. I told him no one was judged there as long as you treated everyone with respect. He looked almost relieved to get that off his chest and even hugged me. I also told him he should talk with Brandon about it as well. After talking for a while he said he was going home to make some calls and told me not to blame Jesse too much for what he said.

When I got home Jesse immediately tried to apologize I stopped him. I told him I was acting like a total brat and he didn’t mean it the way it sounded. I told him I had a talk with a friend who told me I was acting like an ass. He told me he never would try to replace mama and he wanted nothing more to than be my friend, and possibly a father too. He told me though I shouldn’t have run like that without consulting with my physical therapist’s consent, which earned him a slap on the head from Daddy. I hugged him and apologized to daddy afterwards and he said he knew I just needed some time. We settled down and discussed the funeral and everything that was going to happen on Monday. I was kind of disappointed because this weekend there was a block party at Mr. Colton, a former math teacher, house. One of the guys that sits with us at lunch is being adopted by him and his partner. Jam, his name is Jacob, but his initials spent Jam hence the nickname, and his boyfriend Phillip helped us set up the GSA that was organized. Jam also visited a few times when I was recovering in the hospital. There wasn’t going to be much of a funeral as much as a remembrance ceremony. Mama always wanted to be cremated so her ashes could be scattered along the lake near our house. Daddy told me later that was where they were married. Jesse told me about how he was almost married once and about Teddy. He even showed me a picture of him, he was cute. Both Daddy and Jesse have had losses in their lives and for once they deserved some happiness, I was going to try my hardest to make sure they did get their happiness. When I went to bed that night for the first time in a while I didn’t have any nightmares.

The ceremony was, to say the least a sobering experience. I’ve been to a few funerals before, but they weren’t depressing as this one was. In a way though I’m glad we were able to remember mama for the good things she had done. I learned a lot about her too. One thing was before she went to college she was an avid volunteer at the homeless shelters and soup kitchens. She was a wonderful person. I wish I could’ve known her while she was that kind generous person.