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Last Saturday morning, about ten minutes after arriving at my destination on campus my mother called my cell phone. I could barely make out what she was saying. The gist of it was that dad had a massive heart attack and collapsed in the driveway. She told me she was getting on the ambulance and hung up. It took me almost 15 minutes to trudge across campus through the snow to my car. I was going as quick as I could without falling on the ice. I drove to my house and grabbed my meds and some clothes. Before jumping back in my car, I called my uncle to get the hospital they took him to. I jumped back in the car and drove to the next city over. The normally 70 minute drive was nearly 2 hours. The Thruway was covered in snow and it was snowing the whole drive. I arrived at the hospital and when I checked in at the security desk, the guard basically said "Oh. Come with me." We went through a maze of hallways. As soon as I came around the corner my wailed "he's gone". I think that sound she made will hunt my nightmares for years. Dad went just like his father did. Grandpa died at work at age 51. He just dropped and was gone. Dad was 67 and a couple weeks and he he just dropped and was gone too. They tried in the ambulance to bring him back. But he was gone when he hit the driveway. The last time I talked to him was his birthday. My last words to him were "I love you dad." His last words to me were "I love you." So, though I wasn't there when he went, he knew how much I loved him and I knew how much he loved me. I'm an only child and this week has been hell on earth. For those of you that have siblings, you probably never give much thought to it, but at the end of the day when everyone goes home, there is only you and your mom. Mom had dad for 38 years. They still acted like teenagers when they went out. Nothing can fill that hole and trying to hold it together for mom has been the hardest thing I've ever done. I've got a lot of stuff to do ahead of me, but I wanted to write this to talk about dad. And because dad was a funny guy I want to leave this on something upbeat, because that's what he'd want. When I was 24, the first father's day after coming out, I played golf with my father/son golf tournament. While sitting in the golf cart waiting for all the people to play, my father kept pointing at the various sons and going "What about that one? His ass sticks out. do you like that one?" as we passed various guys, he kept doing this. finally he points to a kid,maybe 15, and says, "what about him?" "DAD!! Sure, when he's a few years older and not jailbait!" "Bah, if there's grass on the field, it's ready to mow." I smacked his arm. Did any of your dads point out guys to you after coming out? Bye Dad. I'll love you forever.