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Found 23 results

  1. Dodger

    Blogging from the UK

    So here’s what’s new. I’ve returned to the land of my ancestors. The little, funny-shaped island on the top left-hand corner of Europe where I spent most of my childhood, including half of my school life and a few chaotic years as an adult. This is the fourth time that I have been back since I was shipped off to the new world as a teenager and it seems that each time I return, this once very familiar place has moved a little further away. I have to admit that after seventeen years in Canada there is very little English left in me and I am now no more than a tourist in a city which for so long, I regarded as my home. One of the reasons for this visit was to attend a surprise birthday party for a friend who I have known since primary school. It was organised by his wife and she was the one who persuaded me to come over in a series of clandestine telephone calls and emails. It was a genuine surprise for my friend who didn’t suspect a thing and as you can imagine, it was quite an emotional reunion. He was completely unaware of the secret cross Atlantic messaging between his best friend and his wife and had no idea that she had already moved me into the spare room in their house earlier that day while he was at work. Understandably I suppose, he wasn’t that concerned by my harmless cavorting with his good lady and I spent most of the evening trying to free myself from his endless, tearful man hugs. I didn’t mind at all; he has always been one hundred percent straight but completely at home and supportive of my sexuality. I couldn’t want for a better friend and I shall miss him the most.
  2. Here is a little taste of my next story, The Promise ... i hope you enjoy it. The Promise The well was no longer used and sat in a copse of large oak trees. To Finn it was a secret and magical place. The canopy was large and thick, and grass no longer grew here. It was quiet but for the leaves moving in the breeze. Shady and cool, Finn liked how slips of sunlight made it through the thick mass of leaves and branches. The well itself was capped with a large a wire grate. "Too bad I'm not more skinny. Then I could fit down there." So far, in his animated and expressive imagination, the well had been a cave, a home for a lost dragon, and this morning, a place where riches beyond measure lay hidden. The little boy pulled the University Ring from his pocket. "Ah ha! So this came from the secret treasure cave? Excellent! We must go there and find out what more is hidden. Jackson, bring the car around!" As he played Finn leaned over the well, his smooth-soled leather shoes slipped, the ring bobbled in his fingers; he reached for it and missed. His daddy's special and most favourite ring fell into the water below. The subsequent plop was not at all satisfying today. "Oh … no." Finn sat on the ground next to the well and cried hot tears. "I am going to be in so much trouble. I wish I didn't take that stupid ring! I wonder if a frog on a string could help me?" He sat there and wiped his eyes. It was midday and warm, and after his tears, Finn Green fell asleep with his forehead on his knees. Something poked his arm once, and then again, and several more times before he awoke. "What?" "I heard you crying." Finn looked at the … little boy? "Who are you?" "I can help you. I can go down and get your treasure." The boy was odd looking. A bit pasty and his features were flattened, making his face seem rounder and smooth. Big, round, golden eyes looked back at him, and Finn noticed the boy, if that's what he was, smelled a bit like freshly caught fish. He wore only a tunic, not proper clothes. "I don't have a string to pull you out, and how can you fit through the wire?" "I can climb. See." The boy held out hands with long slim fingers. "I can climb up. I'll go get it for you." No sooner had he said it than the boy pulled off his tunic, slipped through the wire and climbed down the well. Finn, now on his feet, leaned over to watch. Once at the bottom, his new friend slipped into the water and disappeared for several long minutes. When he popped up again, Finn realized he'd been holding his breath. "Did you find it?" "Yes, I'm coming back up." He easily climbed the inner bricks of the well. Finn helped the boy back through the wire. The tiny fellow was dripping wet, as he handed the ring over. "Oh, thank you so much. I need to give you a present. Thank you." The small boy pulled his tunic back on. "You can't tell anyone about me, because my parents will be angry." "Okay, but what can I do to say thank you properly?" The little thing smiled. "Just a promise." "Promise? Promise for what?" "Just a promise, if I need help one day, you'll help me, like I did you." Finn nodded and answered simply, "Yes, of course, I promise." ____
  3. AdammadA

    Dating Bi-Curious Men “Love”

    Love, we all believe in it and hope one day to find it. While growing up we will learn many different types of love, from your family, the love of a friend and of course the love someone special gives you. In stories we are told that one day you will find the one and all will begin to fall into place, as if there really is just one person that will come sweep you off your feet? This often leading you to believe that out there only one person will ever love you fully. So why is it when we are single you see yourself differently? Why must we be down on ourselves because we have not found love? Throughout life many people will come and go, while at times we may think what we have found is true love. So really how do you know you’re in love? In my opinion there can be levels of love you feel for another, each one for a different reason. I had a friend once tell me they felt each man she had loved helped to prepare her for the one she ended up with. This made me think back too the different men that I had felt there had been some kind of love with. Before I wrote about someone called X, although that was somewhat more of a friendship there was still some else more. I’m not sure I would say I was in love, but there was love between us. We went through a lot together so what it grew to steamed from a kind of love. It made me think of the time of life and the events we were both facing. There had been a lot of ups and downs for us both so when we were there to pick up the pieces it created a love. With your friends you do love them and then if sex is involved it changes the entire game. Now why is it when it comes to love we see it as a game, the game of love? I often wondered was that because we seldom won and when you lost it was a gamble? With X it always felt as if it were a game, usually he held all the cards and never allowed me to roll the dice. So in all honestly this could only be considered as a love of a very close friend, one you had sex with. Even if you both did have feeling for each other and felt a strong connection you may not be in love, but who’s to say with X any ways. The way we depended on each other or how often we had sex made you believe it was more than just a friendship. I knew I did love him and from his actions I knew he loved me as well, but that love wasn’t strong enough to hold us together. When it comes to dating bi-curious men most times it’s just for the fun, yet there are times your feelings truly do get involved. Each man is different some just look for the thrill of the experience, but there are a few that also are looking for a little more. There was this guy I dated we will just call SI, he was a very sweet man, but also on the down low. For him though it was more of the fact he was still figuring himself out, along with trying to see if he preferred men over women, since he was bisexual. When we first met no one knew about him yet, he was still unsure himself, although from the first day we hung out we both felt this connection to each other we had never felt before. There was something different about SI not only was he a little more open about his sexuality, he was also more open about me. We began to hang out quite often and let me tell you the man knew how to take you out. Every date was more exciting than the last and each time he grew more comfortable with the possibility of settling with a man. SI wasn’t afraid to meet my friends, plus when we were out he made sure people knew we were together. When you finally found a man that was excited to show the world you were together you did all you could to keep him happy. Together SI and I made sure we both were happy, it was as if we had found the one, the one you thought may never come. Each time we went out the connection between us grew stronger and the sex was probably some of the best I’d ever had. This was turning into a real relationship and I was nothing but excited for the outcome. Of course life never allows you to be truly happy because soon SI had some family stuff to take care of and he left New York for a while. We wanted to wait for each other only he felt that was unfair to me so we took a break. The promise was once he returned we would pick up right where we left off, let’s hope right? Dating men in general can be very confusing most men find it hard to express the smallest of emotion. There had been this guy that I call Man, Man was the type of guy that showed you all of the romance and made sure to share his feeling with you. When we first started dating I felt everything was going in the right direction, not only did he make sure to plan nice dates, he also did all he could to make you know he was interested in you. He said the right words and had a way of making you feel as the most important person in the world. The thing that was different about Man was that he began to use the word love very early on, in fact he made sure we both did, for a bi-curious man that was a first. It was nice finding someone that wanted this as much as I did and as the months past he only made sure to make me fall for him more. So was this really love, or were we just in love with the idea of it? Either way he was the first and only man that I had ever met who rushed a relationship to the level we ended up on. I always assumed he was just a romantic or even someone that just really wanted a relationship then you wonder if it could have been love at sight? The love with Man was a forced love, one he craved for his own satisfaction and in the end he did make me fall for him. This love was not the same has I had felt for SI, shit even X. Every person will bring a certain love to you, some may be for good reasons while others may be to help you grow. In a way I guess to teach us what true love really is. The way I see it each guy you date and fall for may not be the one, or even anything more than a friend, but there is love there. We are human we want affection and in all honesty we can’t control who gets into our hearts or who we may care for. Something we all forget to do when thinking back at the lost loves of our lives is think what was it that they actually provided for you? The first thing we think about is why they left and could I have done anything different? Next is always how are they now and what are they doing? The third thing always is the I miss them and thinking what the future could have been like with them. We all do it and trust me I know I have many times, its like we need to have some sort of fantasy in our minds that we need to hold on too a little longer. I often felt we do this to ourselves only because of the fact that they got away from us. Friends always used to say your heart will always want what it can’t have, so does that mean our hearts don’t understand love? Love can be a strange thing one that is hard to let go even when there is nothing left between you and the other person. Whether you are dating a bi-curious man or not you can’t be too sure as to what you are really feeling. Take this other bi-curious man I was seeing for a while it was this guy I’ll call FL for first love. Now this story I have yet to tell and chances are I may never, but one thing I will talk about is the love we had for each other. This was one of those secret relationships you have in high school, you know the kind where you feel you need to hide your true feelings since someone was still in the closet. I was out back then already and sadly to this day I’m sure he still hasn’t told anyone. We had a thing that started when we were both young, you know that curious time where you had to be sure as to what you really wanted. Now as we both grew up the feelings we had grew as well, making it harder to say goodbye to each other when we both had to go our separate ways. The first love is always one that really makes you think back and remember the happiness it brought you. So dating bi-curious men can always be fun but the times that love gets involved it doesn’t necessarily mean that it’s a bad thing. Look at the men I spoke about each one gave me a certain type of love and helped me grow to be where I am now. X showed me that love between two good friends could lead to more which sometimes can be the one thing you needed. People say a good relationship can come from a good friendship. Even though X and I didn’t last long it helped me to accept the fact that friends can fall in love. Then look at SI the one man that showed me love from a DL man can still be about romance. The love we had helped us both to only seek something that would truly satisfy you, in fact his love made me realize I was worth it. SI only wanted to keep me happy and make sure I needed for nothing. The love we had was something true, a love you often don’t find, but it gave me hope and sometimes that is all you have. Man was the love that was on the border of lust. The kind that was more of a sexual love that made you appreciate a man that wanted to please you and make you feel beyond good. Although this love wasn’t anything to really think about or long for it still showed you a man can love you and give you the kind of sex you only hear about. With Man I will always look back at the little love and the amazing sex we had together. So it in a way it was the love of sex and passion we had for each other. FL’s love is the one that will always leave you searching and looking for another love. In all reality this is the love that makes you crave something so much more. If you really think about it the first love is always the one that leaves you wanting more while being happy you were able to love at all. Most first loves will never last but it leaves you happy that someone gave you that love you were unsure you would ever find. Love can be a funny thing and at times we find ourselves doing any and everything to keep it. So what happens when you think you have found the one, but you may not be the one for them???
  4. Secrets, we all have them and for some reason we feel obligated to keep them. Even after the friendship has ended or the trust has been broken. I guess we always hold on to that little hope that we may go back to what once was. With friends we often hold all their secrets as they hold ours, only what happens if you become the secret? What if you are now the thing they must be kept hidden? At times we never stop and think about that, its always the secrets we hold. What of the other person? So ask yourself this, have I ever been the secret? While dealing with down low or bi-curious men you are often one of their biggest secrets. During the time when we are trying to figure out our sexuality you never let that question cross your mind, it is as if you really don’t mind. When we get older and begin to really date someone you start to wonder what this relationship really is then you may come up with a different relationship in your mind. Sometimes we think if we put it out there it will happen, you know the whole positive energy thing. Only how far can that really take it? Men for some reason find it much harder to accept that they may be gay or bisexual which leads to them creating these secrets. So trust me when I say I have been that secret more than I can count, yet three men stick out in my head more. Now it wasn’t because of the fact I was a secret more or less the reason why I had to be one. First one that came to mind is the guy I knew I just call Hairy, why you ask, because he was extremely hairy. He was one of those very sweet and caring men, the guy you knew would make the perfect boyfriend. Now we had been friends for a while and honestly I had been there for him during some crazy times when it came to his family or girlfriend. What can I say I always try to be a great friend for everyone, maybe I shouldn’t have? After a few weeks of helping Hairy out with his crazy family and his annoying girlfriend he decided to take me out for a nice dinner. Of course he stated it was a thank you meal and I believed him. It turned out being a fun night, not to mention a fancy restaurant in midtown. Sometimes I wondered about him and is preference when it came to dating, I mean he always joked about dating me. So after this first dinner he made it a point to take me out at least twice a week for about a month. Then the early morning text messages began and the phone calls just to check in. For the most part I feel into this and allowed him to slowly make me the man he secretly went out with. One night after dinner Hairy drove me home and as we sat in his car he finally made a move. He kissed me and after all we had been through I couldn’t fight back. We sat there for a good ten minutes lips locked while our hands searched the other’s body. Finally he stopped and that was when he came clean and told me what he was wanting this to be. Apparently he had been trying to figure out a way to not only sleep with me, but to create a special relationship between us. He liked men and only dated women because of his family. You see he came from a very wealthy background and in order for him to get his inheritance he had to marry a women and have at least one child. For years he had kept the same girl around to hopefully get his money. He promised me that once he had he would buy an apartment, a place for us, he would make me his boyfriend, although he would marry the girl, and we would spend as much time together as we could. He told me that I was the man he wanted to spend as much of his life as he could with and that he would be able to leave the wife once he had everything. Don’t get me wrong it was tempting and it was nice to meet a man that was welling to jump through hoops for you. Only this wouldn’t be a real relationship as long as I was to remain the secret it would never be anything real. He would keep me in the shadows and still live the life he felt he was supposed to in public, how great is that? I mean really how many lies must you create just to get everything you wanted? Not just that what about the wife and kid? Being a man’s secret lover was one thing, but to be pulled into a while secret life and potentially family made this secret one that could really hurt a lot of people. I may have gotten myself into some crazy situations before only this is too TV movie even for me. So Hairy was welling to have a secret man for the rest of his life, he was okay with lying to the world only to get what he truly wanted, money. Really how important is money or acceptance from people that wouldn’t love you for you? If you are okay with setting someone else up only to be left alone in the dark how could I be sure it wouldn’t be me in the end he threw out like the trash? Hairy was a nice guy and all, but I was about to create a whole life that could only destroy someone else’s. I said no and that was when I saw the true man behind him. First came the fighting then the threatening if I told anyone. Second was the mean and nasty comments about me, he trying to put me down as much as he could. Third was he begging me to change my mind and promising me more then he could probably offer. Lastly came Hairy blaming me saying I made him think he was gay and I was crazy. All I could say was bye and that was the end of him. The next guy was this man I call V. Now V was your sexy, well off New York business man, the kind of man you saw on TV and the movies. He had that sexy tatted up body, which he kept hidden under his expensive suits, and the personality that you dreamed of, not to mention we had some amazing sex. He was that type of guy you heard stories about so when he made the move on you, you knew you had to have him. So when he told me I was someone he wanted I couldn’t say no. I know, I know this wasn’t the best thing to do. V and I create a secret relationship, one that went on for a few years. Now he wasn’t as available as I would like, but he made sure to talk to me every day, it was as if he understood how to make this work. On days I felt alone I would randomly receive a gift from him. Then when he knew he wouldn’t be able to see me when I needed he made sure to plan the best date I had ever gone on for the following weekend. He did more than just impress me, V made sure I would never consider leaving him. In all reality this could have been the perfect relationship, one where you could see yourself settling down together. He was one of those successful men that always had a certain front people knew him by. Everyone saw him has this macho, athletic, woman’s man, kind of guy. I heard the stories of all the girls he had before and all of the girls that threw themselves at him. V was the man that every guy looked up too, the guy they all wanted to be friends with. It was as if every time he came into a room people demanded he know them so they could say they were friends. I guess I could honestly say V had the perfect life, the girl to show off, a great job, people that wanted him or wanted to be him, and now a man on the side. So just because you had this persona people saw do you really have to live up to it? Why is that? Why must people worry so much what others think or say that they would actually live a lie? So you would rather be unhappy and drag other people down with you? I guess the real problem was why was I welling to fall into this mess and allow him to use me when he needed. The thing was he knew how to keep me happy and what I needed to feel this was real, sadly it would never be what I wanted or needed it to be. Some people may be okay with actually being nothing to a person, besides a person to fulfill a fantasy with. At this time I really didn’t think I could handle that anymore. I’m not sure if he ever sought out another man for his secret boyfriend all I knew was it couldn’t be me. The last guy I actually didn’t understand the reasoning behind him wanting to even keep our friendship a secret. I’m just going to call him L, so L and I had known each other for a few years. He recently was going through a divorce and had been taking it pretty bad. Only that didn’t stop him from his dating a few different girls, or so he told people. One day he was upset about a girl he was trying to date, or should I support. Apparently they had gone out on two dates which meant dinner and shopping of course he paid for everything. So when she decided she wasn’t feeling him he came crawling to me for support. It’s funny how these guys always saw me as that shoulder to cry on. Since I was being the good friend I decided to take L out for some drinks and let him get everything off his chest. So after at least three drinks L was more than ready to open up and let me tell you the things he shared with me were very surprising. He ended up coming back to my place where he continued to complain about his life and how much he hated everything in it. Soon he went on to say how important my friendship had become to him and he was thankful for me. So when he asked to spend the night and if I would hold him until he feel asleep I said yes. After that night L started coming over a lot more and he was calling me every day, multiple times in fact. I was starting to look forward to our conversations and we actually had fun going out. The funny part for me was that even though we were just friends L kept me a secret. None of his friends knew about me and I was never invited out, unless it were just he and I. I did invite him out when I had something going on and all he would say was it would be better if people didn’t know, didn’t know what? Maybe he was one of those guys that didn’t want people to know he was friends with a gay man or the fact that we cuddled at least one night a week. Our friendship went on for a few more weeks and then things changed. One night L and I had gone out for a few drinks. When we got back to my place was when we moved into the physical side. To my surprise the next morning he woke me up kissing me, in fact we had sex again a couple of times. So much for him being straight, then again maybe he was just curious? Now was when L and I became more like boyfriends, he started calling me babe and made it very clear I could not see any other men. Whenever we hung out we would have sex, and of course he did all he could to keep me in the background of his life. L was actually treating me pretty good for this being a secret relationship, he knew how to be an amazing boyfriend. I wasn’t sure as to why I had to be this big secret, okay maybe now that we were sexual I could see why. Then I look back to when we were just friends and wondered why I had to be hidden then. My guess was that he must have had feelings for me before and wasn’t sure how to react. Or maybe he just needed someone and had nowhere else to turn, since I was a good friend he let something more happen with me. Yet that still didn’t answer as to why he wanted to keep our friendship a secret. The secret relationship L and I had created went on for only another month or so. Finally I worked up the nerve to ask him why he never wanted people to know he and I were friends. Then I asked why he allowed our friendship to change into a relationship. The last question I asked was if he really saw something serious with me or if this was just his way to fulfill a fantasy he always had. Sadly L provided me no answers, he became angry that I would even consider this anything real. Although he did say he never wanted any of his friends to know he was gay. He left and to this day we have yet to talk about what really went on between us. All I know is he blocked me and I did try to reach out to him once just to check in, which I never got any responses back. Three different men that chose to keep me a secret in their life, all for very different reasons. Hairy, was gay and only wanted to make sure he got his family money. V, bisexual that wanted to have it all. Then L a gay man so afraid to admit he was that he would do all he could to remain straight. So in a sense looking from the outside in you would think these were just your everyday bi-curious men that wanted to enjoy the company of another man, only we don’t stop to think what secrets they are truly hiding? We all have secrets, but how far would you go to keep one? Some men decide to stay on the down low and fulfill that urge once in a while, then you have a few that want a secret relationship with a man. So let me ask you this, what do you think would happen if their were actual feelings involved? What if someone feel in love?
  5. Friends there isn’t anything you wouldn’t do for them. When growing up they become your second family, in fact they can be the people you count on the most. If you look back we all had that one friend that you could never say no too. In most cases it’s someone of the same sex, only being a gay man it can be a girl. Now for me I always had that one guy friend as well. You know the one friend you knew you had each other’s backs, yet sometimes you had to question how far the friendship would go? I had this friend I’m just going to call Bro. Now with Bro I wouldn’t call it a relationship, it was more of a Bro-mance. I had met him while living in Brooklyn and at first I was unsure if he and I would even be friends. I had been told by many people he was a little homophobic. So at first I made sure to just treat him with respect and not spend too much time with him. As the weeks began to pass Bro and I learned we had a lot in common. We seemed to be able to open up with each other more than we could with other friends. What can I say you should never judge people off their sexuality or the gossip you hear. You honestly never know why they may have come into your life. With Bro there was a reason why we both had, only I don’t think we fully understood the why. Our friendship began to grow throughout the years and we became the others best friend. There wasn’t anything we wouldn’t tell each other and we spent most of our free time together. It was beginning to feel as if we only had each other out in this world. When it came to bad dates or horrible breakups we were the first person the other would call. Having a friend that you could truly count on is a must. For years we were those friends that spoke every day. There was honestly no secret that we kept from each other, or so we thought. With a friendship like this you often wondered why you would need anyone else? It made you feel as if you would always belong. Even when one of us found ourselves talking to someone we made sure to always include the other. Not saying third wheel type, only looking at it now it really was. For Bro and myself things began to change one night when we went out he was sure he had found a girl to go home with, sadly things didn’t turn out that way. We went back to my place as he complained the entire time about how horny he was. I played it all off as any friend would so back at my place we drank some more. He was the first to crash so when I was ready I climbed into the bed next to him. Yes, we usually slept in the same bed, I mean why not we were friends right? The moment my head hit the pillow it happened. Bro got on top of me kissing me so forcefully I couldn’t help but give in. That night we crossed a line most friendships didn’t, yet it felt right. Only I don’t think either of us ever thought this would happen. A close friendship between a straight man and a gay man usually only stayed a friendship. The thing was we had something closer than most which was why I should have paid more attention to our actions. Look at Bro and I as the years went on, so we hung out together more than we ever had with someone we were actually dating. Yes, we enjoyed the others company, but shouldn’t we want to be with a significant other more? When it came to needing help or someone to lean on we seemed to be the others emergency contact. It was as if we had this unspoken commitment to the other, one stronger than any other bond we had. At times we’d joke about living together and just having fun. Whether it be whoring it up or just partying we figured we’d be happier together. Now what straight man would suggest that with a gay man? So after our first night of connecting on a sexual level Bro disappeared for a few months. I knew he was going to need to figure things out. I mean he had just had sex with his gay best friend and he’s supposed to be straight. That could make anyone think and trust me, I was too. There wasn’t a day I thought about it and why we hadn’t stopped.I decided as Bro took his time away from me I’d leave him alone. He needed to get over things in his head and I too wanted to find understanding in this. Now I wouldn’t say there were feelings between us, yet I was starting to see our friendship differently.Finally the day came and Bro wanted to meet up to grab a drink. The best thing was once we were together it was as if nothing had ever happened. Neither of us brought up that night nor did we question the time apart. We were just the same friends back in our Bro-mance. We drank and caught up on our lives. It was nice being out with him. Bro always seemed to know how to put me in a great mood. That night we once again took the step into sexual territory only this time he seemed more eager and interested in what we had. Maybe all Bro needed was some time away because from that night on we were back to what we had always been. We began to spend almost every day together it was almost as if we both needed each other more than we were willing to accept. There was this unspoken thing between us. Like most bi-curious men he would never admit nor say this was anything more than what made him comfortable with it. Bro and I had truly made a new type of friendship/dating between a gay man and a “straight,” or should I say bi-curious man. We had all the best qualities of a friendship, yet we had the best parts of a relationship. Nothing about this Bro-mance bored the other we went out a lot and of course we had sex multiple times a day. I felt lucky to have Bro as I did in my life. Nothing seemed to stand in our way I guess when it came to us we had destroyed all boundaries and created new rules in this called friendship. Here I thought we had beat the game and showed the world it didn’t matter who you chose to be with.As things felt that they were coming to the best life throws you a curve ball. A Bro-mance, a private and special relationship between two men, in most cases, whether they admit it or not, sex may be involved. The two of you can and will do any and everything together. With this type of friendship no one’s judgement will matter, in fact all that you care about is what your bro thinks. Bro and I had a great Bro-mance, yet there is still a lot more to this story. Some stories will always continue on and with Bro you will need to find the rest. You see when it comes to certain stories we often feel they are better left a secret, but really why do we keep secrets? Secrets, we often feel out of respect you keep them for the people you cherish the most. In the case of Bro I kept our secret, in all reality this is the first time I’m telling the story. So let me make this clear I’m not telling my Bi-Curious stories to expose people more or less to share experiences. You see I have many secrets some I had chosen to keep hidden. Only now, with this story and the next, I felt it was time to let you all see what it’s honestly like to date a bi-curious man. I feel most tales have it all wrong, it’s not all happy endings and falling in love. The secret is they really are just secrets, while with the truth, do you think you will be able to handle it???
  6. Hey Guys, With today being the U.S. Thanksgiving, and Canada’s last month... Holiday season is upon us. With so many traditions, the food is my favorite. Some are seasonal, some are traditions, some are ridiculously decadent. What are some of your favorite foods? I have three absolute favorites. The first is stuffing... Yes, this boy is a carbaholic. I could easily do a meal of just stuffing, or dressing to some. The second is my nana’s homemade fudge. While I love chocolate, this fudge is just *orgasmic*. The last would be the assortment of homemade Italian cookies my nana made. Made with love. These cookies were time-consuming. Yet my nana made them religiously for over 60 children and grandchildren. Yes, 60 is correct. We’re italian, say no more! Tell GA your favorite foods and traditions... This blog is meant for the season, name Thanksgiving and Christmas faves.
  7. BlindAmbition


    Hello All! I've been instructed to write this letter. For my actions and reactions to an issue with a friend. I did not handle myself in an appropriate way. Being irrational. I apologize to the Sirs I disrespected. With the way I may have addressed them. Along with not honoring with proper title. I deeply regret my actions to you. I've embarrassed myself and Sir. I promise to be more mindful in future. Respecting Sirs and friends. Showing respect and settling my issues directly with individuals involved. I hope you can forgive my outbursts and current irrational behavior. I'm working through what I need too. With Sir, and hopefully Dr. help.
  8. BlindAmbition

    GA Participation!

    Hello GA family, I'm bringing this to you, in hopes for your contribution. Since my last blog, I've been asked multiple times when next is... Well one coming shortly. I'm not going to ruin the surprise. I'm asking for assistance on future blog entries. I want my blog to be community participation. Whether I spend time talking to you. You all matter to me. I'm volunteering to be the big ole GA gay ambassador of love and community. Any ideas on topics you'd like to participate in.... I've got spirit, How about You?
  9. BlindAmbition

    What's in a screen name?

    I ask this mostly out of curiosity. With many unique and individualized names... Why did you choose your GA name? I was asked this very question by @William King. We discussed me doing this blog a couple months ago. I carry the same interest with names like @Lux Apollo or @SolarMaxx. As for my name Mr. King. The name @BlindAmbition is a mantra. It signifies power to me. Many already know I'm blind. While this disability doesn't define me. It gave me strength, courage, and will to adapt. Ambition reminds me to reach for the stars, don't stagnate in life. Pursue my dreams, no matter how great my challenge. so I ask again... What's in a screen name? Take the challenge and answer. Inquiring minds want to know!
  10. BlindAmbition

    Thank You GA Community!

    Thank you, A couple of months ago I posted a blog entry Who Are You? It was something to learn about people on GA. It did very well. I'm grateful for that. After that I had many people tell me they enjoyed it. People like Dodger. A presence and character I enjoy seeing. Some of you may know, he is selective about what he visits. So if he pops up I think I did good. Its the selective ones that make me nervous. Am I liked enough for people to visit. This doesn't refer to Dodger. He has always showed friendship and concern when I was about to leave GA. Not long after this blog entry I was approached by William King. He wanted me to do a blog on screen names. William was curious about the roots of my name. It was something I've considered about many names as well. William said he was busy with many things. He couldn't do it. Told me to consider doing it. I was the right person to do it with the success of first blog. This turned into What's in a Screen Name? This started the pressure for me. Not William's fault. I've had self issues for years. Doubt, hate, the list goes on. I have very good friends on GA, but still feel somewhat isolated. When I'm not comfortable I shutdown. I also have a hard time starting conversations. This is due to me being introverted and a submissive personality. I started posting poetry on GA. Something I've done for myself for years. Along with my journal. Recently many have been about lifestyle and things I've been dealing with. Topics which make some people uncomfortable. That's ok... However, for me I've felt an outsider on GA and Poetry Society. Nothing intentional.. Also just part of my doubt and sensitive nature. Anyways... My blog entry Whats in a screen name? was successful. The community involvement I wanted. I thank you for that. For the one always feeling on the outside... I'm happy you enjoyed and participated. I would love to do more to involve the community. However, the fear of rejection often appears. I've been given ideas for more. To those people, I really am considering them. I just have to build myself up again. Right now I have some personal issues that require my time and attention. The year has continued to keep me off-center. Leaving me unsettled, without focus or control. These entries and community interactions are what I would like to create more of. Much Love, jp
  11. BlindAmbition

    Who Are You?

    With recent events... I've learned that people you know can still be strangers. This is my experiment to get to know my chat friends better. Please share something about yourself... Remember this is Public!
  12. Hi, Yeah the new upgraded site looks ok, but I have lost all my story's that were on my profile page that I liked, my friends and authors I follow. Are these going to be re-added when the upgrades are completed or do I have to search and re-load all the lost information again?? Jeff.
  13. asamvav111


    Begin by music what lyrics had shunned, Evanescent feelings that shan't be returned, Forever is a long time if you are not a friend, Every limit mortal as time's sickle bend. Yet I bequeath my heart and desire, To you and your lot I cast in my fire, A flame everlasting shall flourish in me, Like a flower that blooms only for the bee. 31/12/16 ©asamvav111 Wishing everyone of my friends, near & dear ones, far & farces, enemies & rivals A VERY HAPPY NEW YEAR.
  14. This is a story forum for readers of lomax61's first story Uninvited Guest to discuss themes and topics of the story with each other and the author. For those of you who may have tripped on this thread and not yet seen the story: https://www.gayauthors.org/story/lomax61/uninvitedguest The setting is partly rural England and partly London, and Iomax has introduced us to several interesting characters, mysteries, and dramatic situations in the eight chapters posted so far. And I apologize to lomax for spelling his name with capital I instead of l. It was only as I wrote him a PM I realized my mistake.
  15. Hogan

    What a Wonderfully Weird Day

    I went to lunch recently with a old school friend I hadn't seen in years. Same old story, lost touch over years, went to a High School Reunion, reacquainted ourselfs, and planned a lunch date to catch up, that got post poned like 10 times. A year later we finally get our busy schedules in line and met for a very good lunch. I told him that I had something to tell him. "He said sure what is it." " Well, I have schizophrenia! Been sick for the past 15 years, but doing well these days." I got the look....by now I know the look. Most are usually running scenarios in their head while your saying this, like you should be in a bell tower somewhere picking off people with a rifle. Or in a robe slobbering all over yourself talking in code, or wearing a tin foil hat so the government cant steal your thoughts. Others are scanning the table to check to see if all the knives and forks are accounted for. I gave him the whole run down how it started, how it took 5 years to get stable and how my life is doing now... good I might add. He did rather well I thought, and only had a few questions. The the next thing, he says, "Well I got something I'd like to tell you." He totally trumps my little disease with his..."I'm HIV+, and have been since 1991." Now I had the look of holy crabcakes, and he had the look of is he going to freak out or be cool with it. It was kinda like in wrestling when you think you have someone in a full nelson and your yelling at them to submit, cause there's no way in hell they are going to get out of this, then BAM, the next thing you know, your on your face with your arm pinned back, and your loosing the match. Holy Cow..he let me go on and on about my crybaby crap and he has this bomb. I think I handled it well and we talked for a long time. I don't think he had ever met anyone with schizophrenia, and I have never had any one tell me they had HIV. Its a small town...so it was kinda surreal to say the least. We both have diseases with lots of stigma associated with them. I texted him later to let him know we would keep in touch, and we needed to schedule another lunch or dinner very soon.. He agreed. Sorry, its something personal, but I didn't have anyone else I could to share this with.
  16. I am IAN

    How many faces are there?

    From the album: My life

    Just felt the urge to post another photo.

    © I am IAN 2013

  17. I am IAN


    From the album: My life

    Me and some of my friends.

    © I am IAN 2013

  18. Freddyness

    coping? are you?

    I dunno but i’m just going to write down everything that is running through my head right now. but I honestly do not understand any of this. It started with small argument between my parents in the past year or so, slowly building up getting more and more severe over small things neither would listen to the other because the other wouldn’t listen to them. Things got worse but they concealed it from me and my little sister who is still ignorant. Slowly my dad got more and more possessive and controlling, while my mother slowly ceased to really care. They got agitated over more and more trifling subjects. It took a while but things started to look up when it seemed like my sister had a shot at getting on the junior british squad for her sport. The pair of them went to the pub, it seemed like a normal evening of mid november, but when they came back they came back separately. My mum went to go back to bed and my dad smashed open the back door and started screaming at my mum, and my mother screamed back complaining that he had kicked her in the shin. (Her lower legs were swollen at the time due to “underlying” health issues according to the doctor. So i went down to mediate the situation and remind them that my sister was asleep. I left once the situation looked under control. A short while later the shouting started again, this time more serious than before. I didn’t intervene as my mother left the house. I found out later that evening my father had threatened to kill my mother. But before this i thought everything would calm down. But i could hear smashing and crashing so i thought perhaps he’d hurt himself. So i went to see what was happening to find my dad smashing everything up, from the kitchen to the front lounge. Only to end up haveing bit of the kitchen unit lobbed at me. So i swiftly left to my room. I sorted out my room with enough space for my little sister, I got her from her room and put her near me. Cause ever fiber of my mind had judged my dad as a threat to myself and my sister. I thought maybe he’ll calm down and go to sleep. Not too long later he stormed in screaming “I’ll kill her, if she’s not back in 10 minutes. I’ll kill her. Tell her that.” It took him awhile to realised he’d scared the shit out of my sister. As soon as it was quiet enough to leave, i took my sister and we left the house. I didn’t care that it was 4 am. All I knew is my dad wasn’t sane, sober or thinking straight and a danger to myself and my sisters well being. I walked down the road with my sister and across to the local shops planning to go to my friends. Yeah i was just going to waltz into my best friends house and sleep on the sofa with my sister. but my mums friend phoned me telling me she’d phoned the police and they were coming to drop us off at hers, which is where my mum had fled too. We waited for the police, until they came. My little sister rather panicked, over what had happened was occurring. My mum decided we were going to go stay with her parents for a while so we spent almost two months there. No college for me, no school for my sister. My mother she was and emotional wreck and still is. Well both me and my sister decided we’d see him on weekends eventually. But currently they’re both bitching about the other. neither has realised that they issues upstairs arn’t going to be solved like that. You know for a while I was the sane mind, in the family. Ha yeah me Who trusts almost no one. And certainly relies on no one. But in the end I became emotionless as i was over my nans death. Yeah i liked her. But for some reason I had still have no feeling on the event and what occurred. But you know its not just that, my mother is trying to be someone she’s not and is now seriously suffering from depression and barely getting anything done. My father he’s spinning a web of words into my little sister ear, he can try all he likes to spin his web with me but i know the trick as i taught it to myself to knock the bullies down in school. So now my father probably doesn’t realise he’s polluting my sisters mind and she is saying thoughtless things around my mother that is sinking her deeper into depression. What are my feeling on this, I think about what each of them has done to wrong me. Then tally them up. But for some reason on this whole matter i have no emotions, all I want to do is LEAVE. but i know i can’t leave my sister to sit there and be broken by both of my parents shattered emotions, words & deceit. But when it comes down to it both my parents have made me feel like i’m worthless, and never going to amount to anything. It is one thing to be told these words by your peers but when your own parents say the words, it becomes a part of you. That you never escape. And to be honest, ever since my father backed up the word of my peers. I’ve felt like even if i try i’m going to fail. So why bother smiling and trying and continueing if you're only going to fail and never amount to anything. I’ll tell you something if it wasn’t for my best friend who fell in to anxiety issues and depression. I wouldn’t be here. Cause everyday I wake up thinking how stupid I am how fat, worthless and how i’m never going to make it through life, every single Stupid, Dumb or things i’ve done wrong throughout my life flashes through my mind. And everytime I try to sleep the same things flash through my mind till i have to cry myself to sleep. But that one thing that keeps me going everyday, is that I care for my friends before I care for myself. So I try to forget, everything that makes me upset, feel worthless all for the sake of my friend I smile and pretend i’m okay. I have this issue that I can’t cry when people are around, because after all I can’t trust or rely on anyone but myself. So I try my best never to look like these are the thoughts running through my head. So in the end I just become numb, neutral. It looks like i don’t care but I care, I do. They think no matter what we say you’ll be fine, it won’t affect you. they’re words and actions sting more than anything else. In the end the person I can’t forgive the most is myself. So today I wrote this to tell you all, because you can’t alway not explain sometimes you need to explain it to another to explain it to yourself. When I was younger i wanted to kill myself. Today I just want to leave and start anew, somewhere away from where I grew up and different from how i’ve lived till now. If you read this thanks, just for reading it. Just knowing that someone had read about my situation from myself I hope it lift my burden slightly. Cause I know that just writing this has lifted it a lot.
  19. comicfan

    Finding a bit of relief

    Okay, I have been in physical therapy for two weeks now, and have finally found my first bit of relief. Yesterday, my therapy took a new direction. In addition to the chiropractor , I have begun trigger point therapy. Basically, they insert needles into the muscles of my back and inject something to force the muscles to relax. I hadn't realized how tight the muscles were, but a day later my back is in constant ache mode. I will take that as a success. At work one of the women I really get along with is leaving. Her position is open and I am applying for it. It would mean a set schedule, no closings, and Saturdays off. It would be the closest I come to working a 9 to 5 job while in retail. Wish me luck. Dad is doing okay. My second cousin is up to see the family, her friends, and take care of a few odds and ends before her wedding. With my back an hour is the outer limits of what I can do right now. Traveling down to Western Pennsylvania for her wedding isn't something I can do by next month. So I got to see her today. A friend is going through what can only be a really rough patch in his life. No one should have to deal with the blows he has had recently. My thoughts and prayers are with him and his family. Meanwhile, another friend has graced me with a package. I love and look forward to a card so you know I was like a little kid at Christmas. Thank you Jo Ann. Your thoughtfulness is appreciated. To my friends, well beware started another round of postcards. Stay well and be happy.
  20. comicfan


    Time has a way of moving on and not always do we notice. Unfortunately we seem to mark events by the good or bad events in our lives. Overall I guess I cannot complain. I have events that are great milestones. Graduating high school, then college. Going for my Masters degree (okay it is just the damn thesis I need to finish). The birth of my godson. The marriage of my brother. The marriages of so many friends. However these are offset by the passing of some important people as well. The passing of my grandmother still is one that I remember well. She was the first person I knew and loved to die. It leaves a mark on your heart you can't forget. Of course that does not compare to the one left by my mother's passing four years ago. The pain is there though not as sharp. Little things bring her to mind, but at least now it makes me smile. So sorry if I am a bit off. My friends have kept me up and I am grateful. Again it might be a day late but Happy Mother's Day to all of those special women who work so tirelessly to improve the lives of their children.
  21. ♀♂ Јŭνёήίlε ₣έєlïņğş ¡‼ "Juvenile Feelings" is a story of six friends, who start their highschool with a promise that they won't let anything affect their friendship ever. Summary: A tight group of six friends have been together forever, unknown to the little secrets each one of them keeps. May it be a secret crush on the other, a secret affair or a secret past. As they begin their exciting journey of high school, they make a promise to be there for each other no matter what. Link to the story: https://www.gayauthors.org/story/sidlove/juvenilefeelings You can share your views, compliments, critics or if you wanna discuss the story, post under this thread
  22. podiumdavis

    A place called home

    As GA celebrates its tenth anniversary, I thought I'd share some things. Point and blank, unedited, and unprovoked. When I first came to GA, I came looking for a place to be able to cross-post my stories, to find a wider scope, a bigger audience. As I arrived, I found something very different, and yet very scary at the same time. I had seen GA in passing many times, never looking deeper than the front page; originally I thought it was a site I needed to pay to use and moved on. But once I got past the original registration page, months later, I realized that they included premium content, which was cool. Anyway, I'm going off base. When I first arrived, I went into chat, found someone by the name of Cia. I was nervous, thought my story wouldn’t fit the style of the site; boy was I wrong. Thanks to Cia, Bugeye, and Krista, who listened to my concerns with a keen eye; they urged me to post and to see what happens. So with that, I took a leap of faith forward and after some extreme editing on my part, I posted the first chapter of 'The Journey of Jacob and Kyle'. Not only was I welcomed with open arms, review’s and likes out the door, I felt like I had found a special place. As the months went on, I continued to post, and gained many friends because of it. Instead I find myself cross posting to other sites now, nifty was never my home, but a lifeless shell of some freaky people, who had scared me away once before. Now I consider GA my home, a place of comfort and acceptance. Encouragement especially. I thank everyone, all those who’ve read my stories, made comments and the likes. For I’ve found a place to call home. Let’s give her another ten amazing years. Thanks to Myr, the mods, and admins involved for giving us [authors] a place to feel welcome and needed. Especially those who are now published, who are still down to earth and willing to lend an ear. This is where I’ll plant my cot and lay in the shadow of all those better than I. ~CHEERS~

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