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Welcome to the discussion forum for CJ’s series. All things CJ are fair game, I simply ask you be respectful of others. I will actively participate in the discussion. Ask questions, speculate about what’s coming, or bitch about what happened. The links below will take you to the series on Gay Authors and to photo albums on Facebook. We’re now open for business! CJ: Stories CJ: T-shirts CJ: Locations

I see that this wonderful story hasn't received a thread yet. Let the discussion begin. We keep talking about the fact that Declan is eventually going to figure out what Bailey's been doing, but its interesting to note that he's had a few opportunities to ask about it now, and he's chosen not to. I think that Declan already knows what's going on, and he doesn't want to make it more real by talking about it. It's not in his normal character, but I think we've seen that when Bailey's involved that Declan doesn't act in ways he normally acts.

This is part of the new story entitled "LUCID LOVE" which I actually started writing some time ago. The actual story has changed from time to time, and is somewhat based on someone that I actually that I met a few years ago. No, the story is "FAKE" but some of the feelings and emotional connection are based on this person that knew. The story is MATURE CONTENT and the segment that I'm posting here for feedback does contain MATURE CONTENT. I'm hoping to get back into writing as soon as possible and I'm going head strong with this project as long as the passion burns of course. Even if no one likes it I'll probably keep going with it because I actually enjoy just escaping with my words. -----------------------------------------------------

(mom, or someone else) " I speed-dialled 'DADDY' from your phone - but it wasn't your father that answered!"

For discussion of themes and topics. The book can be found here: https://www.gayauthors.org/story/timothy-m/cluelesscamping

Lucid Love is my new story that I'm working on and right now I'm two chapters in and I can't wait to go on with chapter three. I guess it's because I am a writer that I keep working on it - I can't just sit here and do nothing because I don't write that great. Lol. Even though I may not be a good writer, or good enough to entertain people then I'm still going to work on this project. Why? Because it's a story that I really want to write. This story involves the emotional connection that I had with someone just a few years ago and I actually still have feelings for (Ooops! Really?) He was quite a nice guy that gave me that special feeling, and actually made me feel special. I posted a section of the story in the Sneak Peak section of the Writers Circle, and I thought for those that actually read my blog that I would give you the complete chapter one: So this is my new adventure that I'm working on, and I hope that someone will enjoy it and be a little intrigued to wanna see more. Over time, yes the writing will hopefully get better but at least hopefully I can tell a story that people would want to read. Hopefully! Because I have a ton more ideas that I would like to put down, but I better take some time and focus on my current project - Lucid Love

Zachary Miller was having a good life until he finally came out, to his surprise his parents hated him & sent him to his uncles... One thing that was said by his uncle before school started was that "Craziness runs in the family kid"

For topics and themes in Changes (I'm honored to create the first story discussion forum for Promising Author, Mikiesboy )

Has anyone come across the story deviant magic?

Hey everybody--wanted to create a discussion forum for my new story, "The Best Four Years of Adam Becker." Adam Becker wants out. Out of the shadow of his popular big brother, out from his stifling D.C. prep school, out from the political spotlight of his high-ranking Republican father. So when he heads off on his own to college in New Orleans, one year post-Katrina, he gets more than he bargained for: four years of friendship, love, secrets, hurricanes, and debauchery--his best four years yet. I started writing this story about two years ago. I was going through a difficult breakup--my boyfriend had moved to New York, and I had no intention of leaving D.C. I was also leaving my first job out of college, at a political nonprofit, and I intended to write a novel about my experiences in the 2012 election cycle. But I couldn't get past the first chapter. And, after writing the same iteration of the same opening scene over and over again, I figured I'd rewind a bit--and write a fictional series loosely based on my memories from college, and what was going on in my life. I never intended anyone to read this: this was my way of creating on on-ramp to the eventual novel, sharpening my skills, and getting words on a page. I've written the story through the beginning of senior year--but over the last six months or so, I felt my energy beginning to wane. So I figured I would edit it, chapter by chapter, and put it online here--find an audience, and feel like I'm writing for someone, rather than into the abyss. So far, no one's read this but me--even my college friends, who provided a lot of character and plot inspiration, have read only brief excerpts--but I hope you enjoy it. Thanks for reading!

From Changes, Again - Chapter 1 The Party. This is the first story i've written where i've brought back characters. It was from something @droughtquake mentioned at the end of Changes. I thank him for it made me think and i decided there was a story there. Posting will begin mid-January. I hope you enjoy... Rena and Robert arrived first. Never ones to arrive empty handed, they brought a glorious bunch of tulips—in purple, soft violet and white—and nice ready-chilled wine. We settled in the living room with a glass of the sweet white. I was feeling good and just wanted to drink enough to feel happy and mellow. We had sipped our way through our first glasses, when Robert spoke up. "Um, hope you don't mind but I really need a word with Don. I'd like to before we get too happy and before dinner. I can smell those potatoes, Louis." I looked at Don who replied with a tight-lipped smile. Okay, so you're saying nothing. Rena wasn't giving up anything either. "Sure, you two go over to the office and I'll set the table and stuff, but when Harry and Gareth arrive, I'll send them to fetch you." "Don't mind them, Louis. I'll help you." Rena got up and put her arm through mine. I smiled at her. We picked up empty wine glasses and followed Robert and Don. Don rolled forward toward the kitchen. The door there was closest to his office. "We'll likely be back before then. Don't worry, babe. We'll have a good time tonight." Not wanting to ruin the mood, I bent and kissed him. "You two go. It's fine, Donny." Robert patted my shoulder and then grabbed the handles on Don's chair. "Don's right. We won't be long." After the door closed, I turned to Rena. "Do you know what's going on?" "I don't. Frankly, Robert's been quiet this afternoon. I asked if everything was okay, and he said it was. Just that he needed to get something important at work resolved, sooner rather than later." I pulled a deep violet and white checked tablecloth out of the bottom drawer in the kitchen island, and put it on the table. Atop that, I put Rena and Robert's flowers; it felt like spring. As we adjusted the cloth and laid out the tableware, Rena asked, "How is the birthday trip plan going?" "Pretty good. I was thinking Sonoma County in California, it's supposed to be wheelchair friendly. Lots of things to do, including tasting lots of wine, and lots of sunshine." "That sounds lovely, but you know Don will go wherever you want to go." "I know, but I wanted us both to relax, and being wheelchair friendly just took away one worry." "Well, if you want to go to Sonoma County, you do that." Rena smoothed a corner of the tablecloth. "The table is beautiful." I checked the potatoes, which were nearly done. I'd just turned down the oven when the doorbell rang. I smiled at Rena and walked to the front door. Gareth and Harry stood there together, grinning like schoolboys. Harry was in his early fifties now, but still as gorgeous and sexy as he always had been. Gareth was my age, cute in a young Jeffrey Dean Morgan sort of way; always with a warm smile. Each of them carried a bottle of wine. "Come on in. It's good to see you guys." Gareth hugged me first. "You look great, Louis! Where is that sexy man of yours?" "Out in the office with Robert. They'll be back shortly." Harry was next. He released me after a warm hug and said, "You want me to go and get them?" "No … you two come in. I'll go out there," Rena said, as she joined us, greeting Harry and Gareth with a hug. "I'll run out there now." She returned to the kitchen and went out the back door. Harry took Gareth's bottle and handed both to me, the Cabernet Sauvignon was a magnum. "As usual, we couldn't choose between red or white, so we brought both!" "Thank you. I'll put them in the kitchen. Do you want a drink?" I said over my shoulder as I walked. "Harry, sit down, I'll help Louis." After giving his husband a peck and a pat, Gareth joined me. He picked up the corkscrew and started to open the red. "This is Harry's favourite." I poured a glass of white for Rena, one for myself, and for Gareth. "It's a generous gift, thanks. Will you pour one for Robert and Don as well please?" "Sure." Gareth did as asked. "How are you Louis? Seems like forever since we've seen you two." "We're good, thanks. You both look like you are as well." Gareth picked up the glass of white I'd passed him. "We are. Harry and I are just back from New York. He was there for a publisher's conference. I was able to get time off to go with him." "Hey! I'm lonely out here!" Harry called from the living room. "And worse, I'm thirsty." Gareth and I laughed. "You take your man his wine, and I'll pop the hors d'oeuvres in the oven to heat up." "Thanks." Gareth picked up his husband's wine and glanced out the window. "It appears yours is on his way in too. See you in the living room." I glanced out. "Finally. Then we can get this party started!" I put the tray of small pastries in the oven to heat. Though I was curious as to what was going on, I just wanted to enjoy our get-together, so I shoved my questions to the back of my mind. It could be nothing, but frankly it felt like a huge secret. The backdoor opened and the three of them came into the kitchen. I handed Rena and Robert glasses of wine, and they continued on through to the living room. Don smiled. "I'll go out in a bit and start the barbeque. Something smells good. Do you need my help in here?" "There's a glass of wine there for you. I'll bring it. Can you carry these plates and napkins?" "Sure, Lous." He took the small plates and napkins and put them on his knees, and rolled out to the living room. I followed with our wine. Don had put the napkins and plates on the coffee table. "Here's your wine, Don. Harry brought that excellent Cabernet you like." Don sipped. "Mmmm, yeah this is nice. Thanks, Harry. Thanks for coming everyone! Now, if you don't mind I have a quick speech to make." We all groaned; Donny's speeches were rarely short. He eyed each of us. "No groaning. I can smell food, so that means I have to hurry. Now, as you know it is my beautiful husband's birthday in a few weeks. As we'll be away, I thought we could wish him an early Happy Birthday today." I wasn't prepared for this and nearly slid off my perch on the arm of our sofa. Five faces turned to me, each of them smiling. Then a chorus of Happy Birthday rang out. Once they’d finished, we were all laughing, and I appealed for quiet. "You guys … wow, thank you so much. I appreciate it. Now, I better get those canapes out or they will be burnt!" Practically running into the kitchen to escape, I leaned on the counter to breathe. Relief coursed through me. They'd just been planning this little celebration of my birthday. Worrying over nothing again, Louis.

As the number of MetaBooks continues to grow, this forums allows to exchange thoughts on the MetaWolf saga; esp. complaints and ranting about cliffhangers, ambiguous hints and politically incorrect statements. So far, this is supposed to cover: MetaWolf 1: Meta (complete) https://www.gayauthors.org/story/johnar/meta MetaWolf 2: MetaOrigins (complete) https://www.gayauthors.org/story/johnar/metaorigins MetaWolf 3: MetaShadowLands (in progress) https://www.gayauthors.org/forums/story/johnar/metashadowlands MetaWolf 4: MetaBattles (soon to come) MetaWolf 5: MetaDeaths (written) MetaWolf 6: MetaProphecies (70% written) MetaWolf 7: MetaEndings (planned) MetaWolf 8: Fate (potential short story) and MetaPrompts (in progress) https://www.gayauthors.org/story/johnar/metaprompts

I recently discovered "coming out on top" by Obscurasoft. Has someone here ever played it? If so, what were/are your impressions?

Love, we all believe in it and hope one day to find it. While growing up we will learn many different types of love, from your family, the love of a friend and of course the love someone special gives you. In stories we are told that one day you will find the one and all will begin to fall into place, as if there really is just one person that will come sweep you off your feet? This often leading you to believe that out there only one person will ever love you fully. So why is it when we are single you see yourself differently? Why must we be down on ourselves because we have not found love? Throughout life many people will come and go, while at times we may think what we have found is true love. So really how do you know you’re in love? In my opinion there can be levels of love you feel for another, each one for a different reason. I had a friend once tell me they felt each man she had loved helped to prepare her for the one she ended up with. This made me think back too the different men that I had felt there had been some kind of love with. Before I wrote about someone called X, although that was somewhat more of a friendship there was still some else more. I’m not sure I would say I was in love, but there was love between us. We went through a lot together so what it grew to steamed from a kind of love. It made me think of the time of life and the events we were both facing. There had been a lot of ups and downs for us both so when we were there to pick up the pieces it created a love. With your friends you do love them and then if sex is involved it changes the entire game. Now why is it when it comes to love we see it as a game, the game of love? I often wondered was that because we seldom won and when you lost it was a gamble? With X it always felt as if it were a game, usually he held all the cards and never allowed me to roll the dice. So in all honestly this could only be considered as a love of a very close friend, one you had sex with. Even if you both did have feeling for each other and felt a strong connection you may not be in love, but who’s to say with X any ways. The way we depended on each other or how often we had sex made you believe it was more than just a friendship. I knew I did love him and from his actions I knew he loved me as well, but that love wasn’t strong enough to hold us together. When it comes to dating bi-curious men most times it’s just for the fun, yet there are times your feelings truly do get involved. Each man is different some just look for the thrill of the experience, but there are a few that also are looking for a little more. There was this guy I dated we will just call SI, he was a very sweet man, but also on the down low. For him though it was more of the fact he was still figuring himself out, along with trying to see if he preferred men over women, since he was bisexual. When we first met no one knew about him yet, he was still unsure himself, although from the first day we hung out we both felt this connection to each other we had never felt before. There was something different about SI not only was he a little more open about his sexuality, he was also more open about me. We began to hang out quite often and let me tell you the man knew how to take you out. Every date was more exciting than the last and each time he grew more comfortable with the possibility of settling with a man. SI wasn’t afraid to meet my friends, plus when we were out he made sure people knew we were together. When you finally found a man that was excited to show the world you were together you did all you could to keep him happy. Together SI and I made sure we both were happy, it was as if we had found the one, the one you thought may never come. Each time we went out the connection between us grew stronger and the sex was probably some of the best I’d ever had. This was turning into a real relationship and I was nothing but excited for the outcome. Of course life never allows you to be truly happy because soon SI had some family stuff to take care of and he left New York for a while. We wanted to wait for each other only he felt that was unfair to me so we took a break. The promise was once he returned we would pick up right where we left off, let’s hope right? Dating men in general can be very confusing most men find it hard to express the smallest of emotion. There had been this guy that I call Man, Man was the type of guy that showed you all of the romance and made sure to share his feeling with you. When we first started dating I felt everything was going in the right direction, not only did he make sure to plan nice dates, he also did all he could to make you know he was interested in you. He said the right words and had a way of making you feel as the most important person in the world. The thing that was different about Man was that he began to use the word love very early on, in fact he made sure we both did, for a bi-curious man that was a first. It was nice finding someone that wanted this as much as I did and as the months past he only made sure to make me fall for him more. So was this really love, or were we just in love with the idea of it? Either way he was the first and only man that I had ever met who rushed a relationship to the level we ended up on. I always assumed he was just a romantic or even someone that just really wanted a relationship then you wonder if it could have been love at sight? The love with Man was a forced love, one he craved for his own satisfaction and in the end he did make me fall for him. This love was not the same has I had felt for SI, shit even X. Every person will bring a certain love to you, some may be for good reasons while others may be to help you grow. In a way I guess to teach us what true love really is. The way I see it each guy you date and fall for may not be the one, or even anything more than a friend, but there is love there. We are human we want affection and in all honesty we can’t control who gets into our hearts or who we may care for. Something we all forget to do when thinking back at the lost loves of our lives is think what was it that they actually provided for you? The first thing we think about is why they left and could I have done anything different? Next is always how are they now and what are they doing? The third thing always is the I miss them and thinking what the future could have been like with them. We all do it and trust me I know I have many times, its like we need to have some sort of fantasy in our minds that we need to hold on too a little longer. I often felt we do this to ourselves only because of the fact that they got away from us. Friends always used to say your heart will always want what it can’t have, so does that mean our hearts don’t understand love? Love can be a strange thing one that is hard to let go even when there is nothing left between you and the other person. Whether you are dating a bi-curious man or not you can’t be too sure as to what you are really feeling. Take this other bi-curious man I was seeing for a while it was this guy I’ll call FL for first love. Now this story I have yet to tell and chances are I may never, but one thing I will talk about is the love we had for each other. This was one of those secret relationships you have in high school, you know the kind where you feel you need to hide your true feelings since someone was still in the closet. I was out back then already and sadly to this day I’m sure he still hasn’t told anyone. We had a thing that started when we were both young, you know that curious time where you had to be sure as to what you really wanted. Now as we both grew up the feelings we had grew as well, making it harder to say goodbye to each other when we both had to go our separate ways. The first love is always one that really makes you think back and remember the happiness it brought you. So dating bi-curious men can always be fun but the times that love gets involved it doesn’t necessarily mean that it’s a bad thing. Look at the men I spoke about each one gave me a certain type of love and helped me grow to be where I am now. X showed me that love between two good friends could lead to more which sometimes can be the one thing you needed. People say a good relationship can come from a good friendship. Even though X and I didn’t last long it helped me to accept the fact that friends can fall in love. Then look at SI the one man that showed me love from a DL man can still be about romance. The love we had helped us both to only seek something that would truly satisfy you, in fact his love made me realize I was worth it. SI only wanted to keep me happy and make sure I needed for nothing. The love we had was something true, a love you often don’t find, but it gave me hope and sometimes that is all you have. Man was the love that was on the border of lust. The kind that was more of a sexual love that made you appreciate a man that wanted to please you and make you feel beyond good. Although this love wasn’t anything to really think about or long for it still showed you a man can love you and give you the kind of sex you only hear about. With Man I will always look back at the little love and the amazing sex we had together. So it in a way it was the love of sex and passion we had for each other. FL’s love is the one that will always leave you searching and looking for another love. In all reality this is the love that makes you crave something so much more. If you really think about it the first love is always the one that leaves you wanting more while being happy you were able to love at all. Most first loves will never last but it leaves you happy that someone gave you that love you were unsure you would ever find. Love can be a funny thing and at times we find ourselves doing any and everything to keep it. So what happens when you think you have found the one, but you may not be the one for them???

Secrets, we all have them and for some reason we feel obligated to keep them. Even after the friendship has ended or the trust has been broken. I guess we always hold on to that little hope that we may go back to what once was. With friends we often hold all their secrets as they hold ours, only what happens if you become the secret? What if you are now the thing they must be kept hidden? At times we never stop and think about that, its always the secrets we hold. What of the other person? So ask yourself this, have I ever been the secret? While dealing with down low or bi-curious men you are often one of their biggest secrets. During the time when we are trying to figure out our sexuality you never let that question cross your mind, it is as if you really don’t mind. When we get older and begin to really date someone you start to wonder what this relationship really is then you may come up with a different relationship in your mind. Sometimes we think if we put it out there it will happen, you know the whole positive energy thing. Only how far can that really take it? Men for some reason find it much harder to accept that they may be gay or bisexual which leads to them creating these secrets. So trust me when I say I have been that secret more than I can count, yet three men stick out in my head more. Now it wasn’t because of the fact I was a secret more or less the reason why I had to be one. First one that came to mind is the guy I knew I just call Hairy, why you ask, because he was extremely hairy. He was one of those very sweet and caring men, the guy you knew would make the perfect boyfriend. Now we had been friends for a while and honestly I had been there for him during some crazy times when it came to his family or girlfriend. What can I say I always try to be a great friend for everyone, maybe I shouldn’t have? After a few weeks of helping Hairy out with his crazy family and his annoying girlfriend he decided to take me out for a nice dinner. Of course he stated it was a thank you meal and I believed him. It turned out being a fun night, not to mention a fancy restaurant in midtown. Sometimes I wondered about him and is preference when it came to dating, I mean he always joked about dating me. So after this first dinner he made it a point to take me out at least twice a week for about a month. Then the early morning text messages began and the phone calls just to check in. For the most part I feel into this and allowed him to slowly make me the man he secretly went out with. One night after dinner Hairy drove me home and as we sat in his car he finally made a move. He kissed me and after all we had been through I couldn’t fight back. We sat there for a good ten minutes lips locked while our hands searched the other’s body. Finally he stopped and that was when he came clean and told me what he was wanting this to be. Apparently he had been trying to figure out a way to not only sleep with me, but to create a special relationship between us. He liked men and only dated women because of his family. You see he came from a very wealthy background and in order for him to get his inheritance he had to marry a women and have at least one child. For years he had kept the same girl around to hopefully get his money. He promised me that once he had he would buy an apartment, a place for us, he would make me his boyfriend, although he would marry the girl, and we would spend as much time together as we could. He told me that I was the man he wanted to spend as much of his life as he could with and that he would be able to leave the wife once he had everything. Don’t get me wrong it was tempting and it was nice to meet a man that was welling to jump through hoops for you. Only this wouldn’t be a real relationship as long as I was to remain the secret it would never be anything real. He would keep me in the shadows and still live the life he felt he was supposed to in public, how great is that? I mean really how many lies must you create just to get everything you wanted? Not just that what about the wife and kid? Being a man’s secret lover was one thing, but to be pulled into a while secret life and potentially family made this secret one that could really hurt a lot of people. I may have gotten myself into some crazy situations before only this is too TV movie even for me. So Hairy was welling to have a secret man for the rest of his life, he was okay with lying to the world only to get what he truly wanted, money. Really how important is money or acceptance from people that wouldn’t love you for you? If you are okay with setting someone else up only to be left alone in the dark how could I be sure it wouldn’t be me in the end he threw out like the trash? Hairy was a nice guy and all, but I was about to create a whole life that could only destroy someone else’s. I said no and that was when I saw the true man behind him. First came the fighting then the threatening if I told anyone. Second was the mean and nasty comments about me, he trying to put me down as much as he could. Third was he begging me to change my mind and promising me more then he could probably offer. Lastly came Hairy blaming me saying I made him think he was gay and I was crazy. All I could say was bye and that was the end of him. The next guy was this man I call V. Now V was your sexy, well off New York business man, the kind of man you saw on TV and the movies. He had that sexy tatted up body, which he kept hidden under his expensive suits, and the personality that you dreamed of, not to mention we had some amazing sex. He was that type of guy you heard stories about so when he made the move on you, you knew you had to have him. So when he told me I was someone he wanted I couldn’t say no. I know, I know this wasn’t the best thing to do. V and I create a secret relationship, one that went on for a few years. Now he wasn’t as available as I would like, but he made sure to talk to me every day, it was as if he understood how to make this work. On days I felt alone I would randomly receive a gift from him. Then when he knew he wouldn’t be able to see me when I needed he made sure to plan the best date I had ever gone on for the following weekend. He did more than just impress me, V made sure I would never consider leaving him. In all reality this could have been the perfect relationship, one where you could see yourself settling down together. He was one of those successful men that always had a certain front people knew him by. Everyone saw him has this macho, athletic, woman’s man, kind of guy. I heard the stories of all the girls he had before and all of the girls that threw themselves at him. V was the man that every guy looked up too, the guy they all wanted to be friends with. It was as if every time he came into a room people demanded he know them so they could say they were friends. I guess I could honestly say V had the perfect life, the girl to show off, a great job, people that wanted him or wanted to be him, and now a man on the side. So just because you had this persona people saw do you really have to live up to it? Why is that? Why must people worry so much what others think or say that they would actually live a lie? So you would rather be unhappy and drag other people down with you? I guess the real problem was why was I welling to fall into this mess and allow him to use me when he needed. The thing was he knew how to keep me happy and what I needed to feel this was real, sadly it would never be what I wanted or needed it to be. Some people may be okay with actually being nothing to a person, besides a person to fulfill a fantasy with. At this time I really didn’t think I could handle that anymore. I’m not sure if he ever sought out another man for his secret boyfriend all I knew was it couldn’t be me. The last guy I actually didn’t understand the reasoning behind him wanting to even keep our friendship a secret. I’m just going to call him L, so L and I had known each other for a few years. He recently was going through a divorce and had been taking it pretty bad. Only that didn’t stop him from his dating a few different girls, or so he told people. One day he was upset about a girl he was trying to date, or should I support. Apparently they had gone out on two dates which meant dinner and shopping of course he paid for everything. So when she decided she wasn’t feeling him he came crawling to me for support. It’s funny how these guys always saw me as that shoulder to cry on. Since I was being the good friend I decided to take L out for some drinks and let him get everything off his chest. So after at least three drinks L was more than ready to open up and let me tell you the things he shared with me were very surprising. He ended up coming back to my place where he continued to complain about his life and how much he hated everything in it. Soon he went on to say how important my friendship had become to him and he was thankful for me. So when he asked to spend the night and if I would hold him until he feel asleep I said yes. After that night L started coming over a lot more and he was calling me every day, multiple times in fact. I was starting to look forward to our conversations and we actually had fun going out. The funny part for me was that even though we were just friends L kept me a secret. None of his friends knew about me and I was never invited out, unless it were just he and I. I did invite him out when I had something going on and all he would say was it would be better if people didn’t know, didn’t know what? Maybe he was one of those guys that didn’t want people to know he was friends with a gay man or the fact that we cuddled at least one night a week. Our friendship went on for a few more weeks and then things changed. One night L and I had gone out for a few drinks. When we got back to my place was when we moved into the physical side. To my surprise the next morning he woke me up kissing me, in fact we had sex again a couple of times. So much for him being straight, then again maybe he was just curious? Now was when L and I became more like boyfriends, he started calling me babe and made it very clear I could not see any other men. Whenever we hung out we would have sex, and of course he did all he could to keep me in the background of his life. L was actually treating me pretty good for this being a secret relationship, he knew how to be an amazing boyfriend. I wasn’t sure as to why I had to be this big secret, okay maybe now that we were sexual I could see why. Then I look back to when we were just friends and wondered why I had to be hidden then. My guess was that he must have had feelings for me before and wasn’t sure how to react. Or maybe he just needed someone and had nowhere else to turn, since I was a good friend he let something more happen with me. Yet that still didn’t answer as to why he wanted to keep our friendship a secret. The secret relationship L and I had created went on for only another month or so. Finally I worked up the nerve to ask him why he never wanted people to know he and I were friends. Then I asked why he allowed our friendship to change into a relationship. The last question I asked was if he really saw something serious with me or if this was just his way to fulfill a fantasy he always had. Sadly L provided me no answers, he became angry that I would even consider this anything real. Although he did say he never wanted any of his friends to know he was gay. He left and to this day we have yet to talk about what really went on between us. All I know is he blocked me and I did try to reach out to him once just to check in, which I never got any responses back. Three different men that chose to keep me a secret in their life, all for very different reasons. Hairy, was gay and only wanted to make sure he got his family money. V, bisexual that wanted to have it all. Then L a gay man so afraid to admit he was that he would do all he could to remain straight. So in a sense looking from the outside in you would think these were just your everyday bi-curious men that wanted to enjoy the company of another man, only we don’t stop to think what secrets they are truly hiding? We all have secrets, but how far would you go to keep one? Some men decide to stay on the down low and fulfill that urge once in a while, then you have a few that want a secret relationship with a man. So let me ask you this, what do you think would happen if their were actual feelings involved? What if someone feel in love?

Friends there isn’t anything you wouldn’t do for them. When growing up they become your second family, in fact they can be the people you count on the most. If you look back we all had that one friend that you could never say no too. In most cases it’s someone of the same sex, only being a gay man it can be a girl. Now for me I always had that one guy friend as well. You know the one friend you knew you had each other’s backs, yet sometimes you had to question how far the friendship would go? I had this friend I’m just going to call Bro. Now with Bro I wouldn’t call it a relationship, it was more of a Bro-mance. I had met him while living in Brooklyn and at first I was unsure if he and I would even be friends. I had been told by many people he was a little homophobic. So at first I made sure to just treat him with respect and not spend too much time with him. As the weeks began to pass Bro and I learned we had a lot in common. We seemed to be able to open up with each other more than we could with other friends. What can I say you should never judge people off their sexuality or the gossip you hear. You honestly never know why they may have come into your life. With Bro there was a reason why we both had, only I don’t think we fully understood the why. Our friendship began to grow throughout the years and we became the others best friend. There wasn’t anything we wouldn’t tell each other and we spent most of our free time together. It was beginning to feel as if we only had each other out in this world. When it came to bad dates or horrible breakups we were the first person the other would call. Having a friend that you could truly count on is a must. For years we were those friends that spoke every day. There was honestly no secret that we kept from each other, or so we thought. With a friendship like this you often wondered why you would need anyone else? It made you feel as if you would always belong. Even when one of us found ourselves talking to someone we made sure to always include the other. Not saying third wheel type, only looking at it now it really was. For Bro and myself things began to change one night when we went out he was sure he had found a girl to go home with, sadly things didn’t turn out that way. We went back to my place as he complained the entire time about how horny he was. I played it all off as any friend would so back at my place we drank some more. He was the first to crash so when I was ready I climbed into the bed next to him. Yes, we usually slept in the same bed, I mean why not we were friends right? The moment my head hit the pillow it happened. Bro got on top of me kissing me so forcefully I couldn’t help but give in. That night we crossed a line most friendships didn’t, yet it felt right. Only I don’t think either of us ever thought this would happen. A close friendship between a straight man and a gay man usually only stayed a friendship. The thing was we had something closer than most which was why I should have paid more attention to our actions. Look at Bro and I as the years went on, so we hung out together more than we ever had with someone we were actually dating. Yes, we enjoyed the others company, but shouldn’t we want to be with a significant other more? When it came to needing help or someone to lean on we seemed to be the others emergency contact. It was as if we had this unspoken commitment to the other, one stronger than any other bond we had. At times we’d joke about living together and just having fun. Whether it be whoring it up or just partying we figured we’d be happier together. Now what straight man would suggest that with a gay man? So after our first night of connecting on a sexual level Bro disappeared for a few months. I knew he was going to need to figure things out. I mean he had just had sex with his gay best friend and he’s supposed to be straight. That could make anyone think and trust me, I was too. There wasn’t a day I thought about it and why we hadn’t stopped.I decided as Bro took his time away from me I’d leave him alone. He needed to get over things in his head and I too wanted to find understanding in this. Now I wouldn’t say there were feelings between us, yet I was starting to see our friendship differently.Finally the day came and Bro wanted to meet up to grab a drink. The best thing was once we were together it was as if nothing had ever happened. Neither of us brought up that night nor did we question the time apart. We were just the same friends back in our Bro-mance. We drank and caught up on our lives. It was nice being out with him. Bro always seemed to know how to put me in a great mood. That night we once again took the step into sexual territory only this time he seemed more eager and interested in what we had. Maybe all Bro needed was some time away because from that night on we were back to what we had always been. We began to spend almost every day together it was almost as if we both needed each other more than we were willing to accept. There was this unspoken thing between us. Like most bi-curious men he would never admit nor say this was anything more than what made him comfortable with it. Bro and I had truly made a new type of friendship/dating between a gay man and a “straight,” or should I say bi-curious man. We had all the best qualities of a friendship, yet we had the best parts of a relationship. Nothing about this Bro-mance bored the other we went out a lot and of course we had sex multiple times a day. I felt lucky to have Bro as I did in my life. Nothing seemed to stand in our way I guess when it came to us we had destroyed all boundaries and created new rules in this called friendship. Here I thought we had beat the game and showed the world it didn’t matter who you chose to be with.As things felt that they were coming to the best life throws you a curve ball. A Bro-mance, a private and special relationship between two men, in most cases, whether they admit it or not, sex may be involved. The two of you can and will do any and everything together. With this type of friendship no one’s judgement will matter, in fact all that you care about is what your bro thinks. Bro and I had a great Bro-mance, yet there is still a lot more to this story. Some stories will always continue on and with Bro you will need to find the rest. You see when it comes to certain stories we often feel they are better left a secret, but really why do we keep secrets? Secrets, we often feel out of respect you keep them for the people you cherish the most. In the case of Bro I kept our secret, in all reality this is the first time I’m telling the story. So let me make this clear I’m not telling my Bi-Curious stories to expose people more or less to share experiences. You see I have many secrets some I had chosen to keep hidden. Only now, with this story and the next, I felt it was time to let you all see what it’s honestly like to date a bi-curious man. I feel most tales have it all wrong, it’s not all happy endings and falling in love. The secret is they really are just secrets, while with the truth, do you think you will be able to handle it???

What should I do Military Related?

I may be way out on the left field on this one. I don't believe in posting chapters as my story unfolds. I always wait until my whole book is completed before I post any chapters. My reason is that too often I begin reading a good story and then it finishes in mid stream; you have to wait until the author gets around to completing the story. This can take an unknown amount of time, so I usually forget the story and move on to one that has been 'completed'. It's hard to comment on a story that is incomplete.

If you like hysterical, oh, I mean historical romances then you might like something I've been writing. I started writing it last year but got bogged down in too many other things and wanted to finish The Seashell first. With that book finished I was able to add Souvenir back into my writing rotation. The story is a first person narrative in a diary style similar to Brandon Smiling and that's done purposefully. If you follow Brandon then you might enjoy Souvenir all the more for reasons you might catch as you read this memoir of Lord Cedrick Temple, Duke of Buckingham. I've tried to write this as a period piece with the time period covered being just before and during World War I in England. The language may be a little challenging, but hopefully enjoyable. It's a challenge to write but fun too. So, without any further adieu I bring you:

Ask yourself this, what does closure mean to you? As we saw before some questions can be left unanswered while some feelings may be left unspoken. When we part ways with another person, no matter the reasoning we will always be stuck in our heads wondering what we did, or how could this have played out differently, right? In most cases the best thing to do is let it go and move on. Only we have feelings, even if you try to hide them, they are still there. There will come a time we can no longer fight them and soon they all will surface. Why do we as people allow this to happen? Why must we inflict that type of pain or sadness on each other? My guess is it helps you feel like the winner, as if you finally had the last word. But what happens to the one left to deal with all the pain and questioning? I had this friend I just call Mess because every aspect of his life was a mess. Now he was a nice guy not the most handsome, but tried to make up for that with his worked out body. I didn’t know his girlfriend nor did I know how he treated women. I heard through people he was always cheating and making more drama for himself then needed. I won’t get into that, unlike what people say I don’t gossip. I just tell my story as I can. Mess and I hung out often and confided in each other. It was nice having that friend you could talk too, yet was also not connected to any other friends you both had. A few weeks after he and his girl called it quits again he came to me looking for a friend. He was crying harder than I had ever heard another man cry before. All he wanted was to speak to her one last time. He wanted to know all the whys and if he could fix this. She had blocked and deleted him out of her life this time so my guess was she was officially done. Only I wouldn’t be the one to tell him that. Since I too was going through being dropped by someone I was more then welling to be that friend. I knew we both really needed a shoulder. A few days of us complaining over the phone he suggested we try something. Since he felt we both had so much to get out. At this point anything that would help I was welling to try. I, as he wanted to get over the recent events of our love lives. He felt if I pretended to be the ex-girlfriend, he could get his remaining feelings out, then he would be the guy that left me. If we had someone to yell at and ask all the questions maybe then we could help the other deal with the present outcomes. So we decided the next morning we would no longer be the friends we were, but now the exes that needed to understand the reasons for ending our relationships. This probably wasn’t a good idea. The next morning I woke up to a text message from Mess all it said was, “Morning baby, again I’m so sorry can we talk?” Since I was playing the upset girlfriend I didn’t respond. Which only meant an hour later he text me again saying, “Please give me one more chance. I love you and can’t do this if you are not here!” I guess he was taking this very seriously so I figured it was time to get involved. I text him back, “You hurt me more than anyone else ever has. How can I forgive you?” He responded, “Give me a chance to explain. Let’s meet somewhere tonight to talk and I promise you can say whatever you want to me okay?” I didn’t text him back for a few hours. Figured I needed to play this just the way she may. Although if this were actually the guy I was hurting over I’d play this completely differently, but it was Mess and I wasn’t going to beg him to come back. When I felt the time was right I sent a message back denying his request to see me. He began to call me over and over to the point I had to turn my phone off just so I could relax. Sure we were playing a part for each other only we should have set boundaries. Once I felt it was okay I turned my phone on to find a voicemail of Mess crying and just saying please a few times. So the next morning I text him and said, “Tonight we can talk, but that’s it.” He responded quickly stating he would pick a place for us to meet at. That night I met him at a bar not far from my apartment. The moment I walked in he was smiling and treating me as if I were his girl. He apologized multiple times while offering explanations to every bad thing he had done. And let me tell you as he spoke I saw why she had left him. In all reality I wouldn’t even take him back. Now I wasn’t going to be mean and treat him the way she had been. He had come to me for help and I would do my best to help as I could. Once he was done he allowed me to speak. I went off on the things that had hurt me while doing my best to act as if what he had done was the root of my problems. It felt so good to get everything out and by the way people were looking at us I could tell they believed us. It was beginning to feel as if Mess really had been my boyfriend and everything bad the others had done was all from him. I did all I could to play the victim to his games. He walked me home and that was where he hugged me tight whispering in my ear that he loved me a few times. I knew that was because of his girl, but I couldn’t lie it felt nice to hear. We parted ways and I was feeling like I had helped a friend accomplish the closure they had needed. Until the next morning when Mess text me saying, “Thank you for letting me see you last night. I love you more than my own life. I think we can make this work just please let me try again.” I smiled and didn’t text back. A few hours later he called and when I answered he was crying. He kept calling me baby and again was begging me to take him back. I played it all off as I were her while saying the things I thought she would. Now I didn’t want to stroke my own ego, but I was doing a good job. For a moment there I was starting to feel this was all real. So when he asked me to let him take me out I of course said yes. Don’t ask me why. We went out that night for dinner then we went to a few bars after. He walked me home only this time when we were at my front door Mess kissed me, yes that he did. It wasn’t just a regular one it was a hard kiss of wanting. One where hands were all over the other and your tongues danced. The funny thing was neither of us fought back in fact we kissed for a good five minutes. Something must have snapped in his head because he pushed me back leaving me standing in my building alone. This is where our friendship took a turn from what it was. Yes it had started out helping the other deal with issues from a current breakup, yet now I was starting to feel as if we were dating. We began to go out every other night. Not to mention talking on the phone every night before bed and a wake up text from him. We began to use our real names and no longer called the other the name of whom hurt us. It felt odd when we both felt we had to check in with the other, along with asking for permission to go out. From this little thing we played we ironically became boyfriends. Mess began to send me sweet messages throughout the days and took me to fancy restaurants for dinner. Then after every date ended with us standing in the hallway of my building kissing for a few minutes. As the weeks passed he sent me flowers and little gifts, which of course made me happy. I felt he had actually transformed his feelings from his ex-girlfriend to me. It was nice being treated like this. Only I knew it wasn’t a good idea. That feeling I should have listened too. One night we went out and he kept the drinks coming. Mess told me about a trip he wanted us to go on and how he wanted to take care of me. It was when he started asking to move in with me I felt if we didn’t stop this now someone would get hurt. The entire point of this was to help the other heal not to get wrapped up in someone else. I had decided that after this date I would tell him we needed to end this. I mean what straight man wanted to be doing this any ways? The dates and gifts where one thing it was the kissing that took us to a completely different realm of friendship. I should have told him sooner because we both ended up getting really drunk and somehow I invited him up. Nothing was said he pulled me to him and our kissing began only this time it was more intense. Part of me didn’t want it to stop after all we had been doing my body just felt sex was next, but I didn’t want to cross that line with him. I could tell he had been expecting something because soon his clothes started to came off and as he pulled at mine I stopped him. I asked if he really thought we were dating or if he just needed to get something out of his system. Mess became angry and got dressed while accusing me of cheating and that was when I reminded him I wasn’t her. He laughed and told me he knew that then he left. I didn’t hear from Mess for a few days and when I did all he said was, “Thanks for helping me out man. I think I’m good. We’ll chill later.” So I apparently had helped him out in his time of need and for that I was glad I could be there for a friend. So the best thing for me to do was to let him go and be himself. Since it was all supposed to be a game I too would be good with the fact we had gotten things out. Only a few days later he called me crying again and this time he said if he didn’t see me he would do something to hurt himself. I know he was playing a part but at the same time after everything that had happened I figured it would be better if we hung out. Now we did hang out once more only for that piece of this story you will have to wait and see what happens. When it comes to friends we always do what ever we can for them, so ask yourself how far would you go for your friends? Every story is different and every bi-curious man will take you on a different adventure. I know Mess and I didn’t actually date, in a way there was dating involved. But I couldn’t give you all of the juicy details right up front.…

Curiosity killed the cat they use to say, but what about everything else? Maybe as humans we are left to wonder as to how far we’d let curiosity take us. Growing up we often just went with the flow yet as adults we stop and think of the consequences. This usually helped to make a decision. Then there’s that time in your life when you always gave into curiosity and figured you’d deal with the outcome later. That always makes me think about life and the things we would do. If you knew you would question it later why do it? Being people we are subjected to emotions and having that feeling of fulfillment. Sometimes it’s another person that brings you happiness while at times it can be the little things. What if what you thought would bring you happiness didn’t quite give you that feeling of satisfaction? What would you do? Would you stick with what you knew or would you give into that curiosity to see what could it bring? I met this guy while working at a mall in Portland. He was around my age and stylish, one thing I remember is he always wore some type of glasses that went with his outfit. So let’s call him G. G was a very nice guy and always seemed interested in getting to know me. In the beginning our time together was spent on a quick lunch or a fast smoke break. Which most times never gave us much of a chance to really chat. Until one day he finally asked me out, yes he asked me out on a date. Saying “Let’s just go out on a date and see what happens.” He did make it clear he had thought of dating another man before only now was willing to try. Date one: Dinner We decided to grab dinner one night at a nice Italian spot not far from where we worked. The moment we sat down we both were having a great time. I told him about my country upbringing and he filled me in on growing up in a big city. He always made it a point to give me his full attention and I did as well. Hours passed and the conversation only got better and I was beginning to see G in a different light. He now was a sweet interesting man I needed to l get to know. He showed me a little affection like touching my hand, resting his hand on my thigh, or giving me a flirty half smile. It did seem like a real date and at this point of my life a great one. The night ended and we both went our separate ways. Only he made sure to plan a second date which made me excited for the days to come. Date two: Movies A few days later we met up at the movies. He picked the movie which thankfully it was a horror film, my favorite. We sat in the back of the theater both a little nervous and unsure what to do. The movie started so that kept most of our attention. As the movie went on he finally made a move placing his hand on mine. We smiled to each other as our hands gripped to other then went back to the movie. When the movie got to its scary point G’s arm found its way around my shoulders. So I rested my head on him as my hand held tight to his thigh. We stayed like that tell the end of the movie. He walked me to my car and gave me a nice tight hug. I watched as he went to his car and we both left. Two days later he called me to see if I wanted to grab dinner again that coming Friday. I agreed and we set the tone for our third date. Date three: Dinner We met after work one day and he drove us downtown where we went to some little bistro he knew of. The place had a romantic setting and the food was amazing. Each time he looked to me I saw his eyes light up. When he smiled I couldn’t help but feel excitement dance inside of me. I was really starting to feel a little something for him and be the way he acted showed me he did as well. We shared a desert and then went for a walk. It was a perfect night for that and us being 19 there wasn’t much else to do. He suggested we drive around and really get to see all sides of Portland. So that’s what we did for the next few hours. It turned out to be fun and it gave us time to get into those more personal conversations. He told me about his ex-girlfriends and I told him about the guys I had dated. That was when the feeling between us changed. He began to act more closed off to me. The talking started to slow down as we let the music take over. I sat there looking out of the window wondering what had changed his attitude. It was a very basic goodbye which left me to think this was probably done. Only G called me a few days later to see if I wanted to meet up that coming weekend. I figured he just needed a few days to get over whatever he had in his head so I agreed to meet him. Date four: Drinks He called me the day we were going out to tell me he had gotten some vodka and wanted us to have drinks at his place. I went over early that evening and he seemed more than excited to see me. He had drinks made for us and music playing. It was a small two bedroom apartment which I guess his roommate was out. There was only one couch to sit on so we sat and caught up on the week. As the drinking continued he was starting to open up more with me, not to mention becoming very touchy. I was actually starting to think he did like me. When we got to the three drink point and let me tell you he was making them strong. He went on to tell me how he had never thought about being with a man until recently. Apparently he started having random gay fantasies and begin to see men more attractive. His curiosity started to take over and he was now unsure if he liked men or just wanted to fool around with them. He claimed he had been having a great time with me and he was surprised he was able to actually date me. He just wasn’t sure if this would be something he could take any further. Once the forth drink was done we both sat there looking at each other smiling until he finally made a move. G leaned in kissing me so hard that his tongue danced everywhere. He was a sloppy kisser then again we were both young. We kissed for a while then he pulled back looking at me a little nervous so I offered to make us another drink. I went into the kitchen and hadn’t noticed G followed me. The moment I turned around he grabbed me kissing me again only this time his kisses were less wet and more passionate. Maybe he just needed to get over his nerves. Somehow we found our way to his room and to his bed. We lay there he on top of me as the kissing continued. This time our hands began to explore the others body which caused excited to grow throughout my body. The way he was reacting I figured he was feeling the same until out of nowhere he jumped off me and stood at the side of the bed. He looked to me then left the room I followed behind but he locked himself in the bathroom. I waited a few minutes yet he never came out. I went to the door and knocked he didn’t answer. So I left. The next day I called him and he didn’t answer so I decided to just leave it alone. I saw him around the mall a few times that week but he would just look away. Now I didn’t see any reason to worry or reach out to him anymore. One day a few weeks later I noticed I had a voicemail from him so I listened to it. He apologized at least three times then went on to say he had gotten scared and wasn’t sure if he could have gone through with sex. He said he was still curious about dating a man but just really needed to take things very slow. I didn’t call him back and whenever I saw him around I just smiled then went on with my day. It was sad that he didn’t even think he could actually talk to me about his feelings or fears with this for that matter. I tried to make it known I was more than willing to be there for him and help him feel out his curiosity. Not once was there any pressure to do anything because I had always waited for him to make the first move. Of course I expected him to need to figure his own feelings out and I knew he may need some time. I just wasn’t sure if the place he was at was one I would be able to go through. Not that I was wanting the sexual side I just wanted to be able to talk more about his feelings so we could both understand the pace needed. Some men just don’t like to share their emotions. G and I never spoke again and made no attempts too. It’s funny how some things work out here G was curious about being with a man only it seemed to scare him. For some men it was probably like this having a thought in the back of their mind only they may never really know what it’s about. I had gone out on a few dates with G and it was a lot of fun so for that I can still smile about our short time. Apparently curiosity killed more than just the cat, it killed whatever friendship we could of had. You can never tell what the future might hold when dating a bi-curious man. Sometimes the relationship can develop into something real or just sex. So I wonder what would happen when curiosity leads you further and there’s some unfinished business that needs true closure??? For other stories check out The DL Diaries available at Amazon and Kindle. Coming soon volume two of DL Diaries series DL in the City…

Hey everyone! I'm posting here to hopefully try to generate some more interaction between myself and people about my story. I'm a very inexperienced writer, and any honest advice is appreciated (but that's not why I'm posting this). I'm hoping to spark up a conversation about how you feel so far about Muscle Memory. As a writer, my readers' thoughts and feelings are a big part of what fuels me to continue this story. Feel free to share anything, whether it's relating to a certain character or their experiences, how you feel about a certain situation, or just if you want to ask me anything about Muscle Memory specifically or even my writing general. So, to try and get the ball rolling, here is some random thoughts I've compiled about how this all came about: Muscle Memory is my very first attempt at writing fiction. Like, ever. Besides some poetry a few years back, I've never sat down and just written anything more than a few paragraphs, so starting this book was a bit daunting. Especially since I was just out of freshman year of highschool. I started the first chapter not really having any idea where it was going, but soon, a story started to take shape in my mind. Very quickly, I realized how much I loved characters. At times, I worry that there are so many in my book that they seem flat, or that there are too many for my readers to keep track of. It was definitely a risk going into my first writing experience with like 20 characters to juggle with, not to mention that I've basically made each character have something they are struggling with. Again, I worry that I'm losing depth by having so many different story arcs intertwining in my mind, but I also kind of love it. It's what I like in books. Another thing I wanted to mention is that somehow, I unexpectedly fell in love with the villain of my story. I love writing her, and I had lost hope for this story after, say, chapter 6, until one quiet night in late December, around 11 or 12, I was walking down this road and the song DNA by Lia Marie Johnson started playing through my earbuds. The song resonated deeply with me, and I also felt it tugging at something that I had put towards the back of my mind for 5 or so months. I realized that it was a newfound inspiration to give my character Alexa more depth. To do this, I felt as if she needed her own POV, which wasn't planned whatsoever. I've gotten pretty much only negative feedback on this, which saddens me, but now she is very important to the story as a whole. I've had people complain that it takes away too much from Wes and Ethan's story, which I disagree with. This is more than a romance to me. It's deeper. I feel that people who skip the Alexa chapters are missing an integral part of Muscle Memory. So regardless of how my readers feel, I still have a few more POV chapters planned. Anyway, I could go on for days about this, and that's enough rambling for now. Now it's your turn. What are your thoughts?

Relationships, what really defies one? When you meet someone you both decide to form a union between the two of you. It is a commitment that no one else will come between, but when two friends of the same sex create this what does it really mean? While growing up we are brain washed to believe it will have to be between a man and a woman, but what if those men secretly like men? You know the down low or bi-curious men. Can they truly have a relationship with another man? Maybe seeing it as a bromance makes it a little easier for them to go through with it. However you chose to look at it, it’s still dating. I had this friend I’ll just call X. X was someone I counted on for a lot, as did he did with me. In the beginning the motions were ones of just a friendship, yet as time went on we learned it could be more. If he needed someone to vent to, I was there. If I needed a shoulder to cry on he would hold me. For the first few years of our friendship we build this bond that most men didn’t have with another man, with me being gay and he straight that was a given. The first night I realized things with X were different was when he had been badly blown off by a girl. That night we drank until he couldn’t drink anymore then we crashed. I held him all night as he held onto me. X was a good guy, an attractive one too, but for some reason he picked the wrong girls. Makes you think right? Every girl he dated seemed to want nothing more than just sex from him. Ironically for a man his heart was always on his shoulder, or maybe he was really looking for something a woman couldn’t give him? Let’s fast forward to three months later. X was trying to be a man all about the girls. You know those types. Strip clubs, random hook ups, and getting girls to cheat on their man with you. I felt as though he was now taking a new path to find a girl, only this night that didn’t work. We ended up going back to his place where the night lead to hours of amazing, mind blowing sex. The kind of sex you’ve only heard about. So X never said he liked men nor did he ever say his sexuality, but I knew, he was bi-curious. The sex between us was way more than just a random thing, it felt as though it was a buildup of a strong connection between us that no one would admit. Although the sex didn’t happen as often as I had wanted, X made sure to treat me better than most men had before. He would take me out for drinks, dinner, sometimes even the movies. The nights we spent in he made sure to listen and still be that man I needed to count on, as I did for him. Our friendship seemed to advance to a new level, sadly that didn’t last long. Like most bi-curious men X would go back to women. Once that happened I was out of the picture and sometimes for a while. Only when the girl was gone X would come crawling back to me, the one person that would always be there. I never minded being that person for X it made me feel more fulfilled. The friendship we had was one that was much needed in life and one you would do anything for. We all have those friends that we call ride or die and X was the one man I learned I could truly count on, well at most times. X never wanted to admit what we had was something real nor could he ever admit to having actual feelings for another man. One time when he was drunk he confessed his love for me and how he felt I was the one. He went on to explain that he never looked at a man the way he saw me. The truth was somehow he had fallen for me and I knew he was scared. Since I had first met X he always had the women, there was never a girl he couldn’t get. When out, I’d see girls throw themselves at him along with his phone always going off. Some girl begging him to take her back or one needing him to satisfy her. We believe women view sex differently than men while being X’s friend I learned some use men more. Sadly for X he was the type of guy that you had to have at least once, okay maybe twice. The thing was I never treated X as some dick that could make me scream. He was always more to me and that I knew he felt. When we would be together he made sure I was always his main one, I was always the one he went to. Only for some reason once a girl showed any kind of interest he threw me out like the trash. The part that killed me the most was he even had the nerve to disappear and ignore me. As if I would expose him or ruin his current fling, but that always ended and he found his way back to me. When that happened the dating and the nights of amazing sex would continue. He always made sure to spoil me and make me feel as if I was the one person he wanted to spend his life with. I was always the first person he called in the morning and the last one he would text before bed. It was funny that a man who considered himself straight treated me better than a man that was openly gay. X really did know how to make his other half someone that was more than just special, I was his everything. We never called each other boyfriends, just best friends. It was funny though when we were together he made it very clear I couldn’t see or have sex with anyone else. In fact he made sure I got everything I needed from a man. We took care of each other sexually, mentally, and honestly financially. We never wanted or needed a thing when together. Everyday we did all we could to keep each other happy. It was better than any relationship either of us had been in, at the time. Even though he could never admit he was bi-curious, or that we were dating, X really was a good boyfriend. Only when it came to women he still couldn’t say no. I felt X wanted us to work out only on his terms. For him he wanted to be able to go off and be with a woman when he needed. Then to have me there waiting for him when he wanted me back. For four years this went on. I dated X and no matter what he thought, he had a boyfriend. Bi-curious men sometime have a different idea of what it is to date or be with another man. Maybe I didn’t know what it was to date a bi-curious man, yet. X and I finally ended it all when he met a girl and they got married. That was it. For at least ten months we no longer spoke until one day he text me. We talked debating if we should try and be friends or work on us. Of course this lead to us hanging out and then he would be nothing but apologetic. X made sure I understood the why behind his hiding and that he would make me happy again. He would build up new promises and make plans for us. This time I knew to stay away but when he told me he loved me and needed me, I had to go back. If I had listened more closely I would have heard that drunk in his voice. X only admitted any feelings to me when he was drunk. So we would meet up for drinks and as the drinking got heavier X would begin to talk about how much he needed me. Then once we got into his truck he started to cry and tell me that he doesn’t know why he keeps pushing me away. Crying that I am the only person that has ever truly been there for him. We’d hung and he’d hold me begging me to forgive him and how he never wants me to leave again. Then we would go back to his place and we would have some of the best sex, I swear his neighbors had to have heard us a few times. Every time we had sex I felt as though we grew closer together and what we had became stronger. The feeling I’d get when he touched me or I felt him deep inside showed me we were more then just friends. But there’s only so much that moment of passion can give you until it’s over. The moment we would finish X did seem a little distant only it was always the next day he started to wonder about us. This time he called me the next day trying to make an excuse as to why he told me all he did. He would always make sure to end the conversation with telling me I was his best friend, yeah I was more than that. After a few days had passed we would be back to normal. He usually only acted a little nervous after anal sex, as if that was going too far. Yet he wouldn’t feel bad to ask for oral sex every time I saw him. That was like most guys though for them to get head was a must, not that I am complaining. X just didn’t seem to understand what was truly between us. Part of me felt he wanted a boyfriend yet was too afraid to give into his feeling for me. It seemed every time we got one step closer to actually being a couple he’d find a girl. Then he was gone and that’s exactly what happened again. X met a girl and he seemed to believe this was the “one”. We spent weeks talking and arguing about the situation. I couldn’t help but feel used, which I had no idea why he felt the same way. We both realized there was no reason to talk about this. Whatever X and I had was truly over. We did have a different relationship honestly one we could never explain. Our story may never have a happy ending, but it ended. We both just stopped talking to each other and went on with our new lives. Bi-curious men sometimes come with a lot of baggage. Very few know how to put it in the back of their minds while others continue to follow their paths. Each man sees a relationship with another man differently and soon we may not be able to tell what we really are. Then there are the men that truly are just curious maybe not ready for the physical side of the relationship. When it comes to dating, every guy is different. I wonder how far they would let their curiosity take them???

Ah... I forgot I was supposed to start a topic for this story so people can ask questions or discuss things I'm writing. I try to inform my writing in this piece with canon from the comic books, even though it is set in the Movie-verse. Or, at least, one possible permutation of it. I guess it is somewhat AU now because of DoFP, but if we subscribe to an infinite universes cosmology, then perhaps this is just another future of the original timeline. [sharedmedia=stories:stories:5304]