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We had the internment for my mom yesterday morning -- just my brother and I, our SO's, and my last surviving Aunt. My brother surprised both SP and me by asking if we wanted to go somewhere for lunch. Had a nice meal without any awkward silences, so that was nice. Maybe -- maybe -- he's changing some. But then just a couple of weeks ago when he stopped by to sign mom's life insurance paperwork he never even turned off the car. Doesn't seem like it's been almost 12 month's since SP and I had our first date, sending us down this road of our new relationship. He's said that there are doors opening in his heart he's kept closed for quite some time. Love him so much.

I'm not really a writer - things pop into my heat now and then and demand to be written down, but not good otherwise; and at the moment there's too many competing emotions to make any coherent statement. So I'm going to do what I've done before, and use a selection of song lyrics to express my feelings on this -- both my birthday, today, and the 1-yr anniversary of the loss of my boy at the end of the week. Kind of traces my emotions from the beginning or our relationship, and the hesitancy he had for so long because he'd been hurt so bad, to grief, to (not quite yet) healing: 1 -------------------- Please let me try to I can heal the pain That you're feeling inside Whenever you want me You know that I will be Waiting for the day That you say you'll be mine He must have really hurt you To make you say the things that you do He must have really hurt you To make those pretty eyes look so blue Now you can't see my love is good And that I'm not him 2 -------------------- There's a big old hole in the middle of you 'Cause somebody left you black and blue Yeah we all make promises we can't keep And they're paper thin but cut so deep One day we're together then we're apart Why won't you let me fill up your empty heart 3 -------------------- I never cried the way I cried over you As I put down the telephone and the world it carried on As I watch the sun go down, watching the world fade away All the memories of you come rushing back to me All I want to do is kiss you once goodbye, goodbye 4 ------------------- I don't want to swim the ocean, I don't want to fight the tide, I don't want to swim forever, When it's cold I'd like to die. 5 -------------------- 'Cause I'm gonna be free and I'm gonna be fine (Maybe not tonight) 6. -------------------- When you feel you've had enough From this world that's giving up on you On you... Sometimes we can relax walking through the fire And when it all turns to dust We'll watch the ashes light up and we'll rise We'll rise And we'll be fine (And we'll be, And we'll be) (And we'll be, And we'll be) ================================== Not quite to the point of "being fine", but I know I'll get there - if only because my boy would want me to. 1) Heal the Pain, George Michael; 2) Empty Heart, Grace Potter; 3) For a Friend, The The Communards / Jimmy Somerville; 4) When It's Cold I'd Like to Die, Moby, 5) Delilah, Florence+The Machine, 6) We'll be Fine, Rebecca Ferguson

I’m sure many of you read that this past week my cousin decided to end his own life. As I’ve been struggling with this, crying constantly, and the likes. I’ve found strength that I never knew I had. Over these past twelve months that I’ve been a part of gayauthors, I’m sure you’ve gotten to know me (to some extent) and where I stand on the topic of suicide. On September 27th one of the questions that I posed to our fellow authors/admins/editors, etc, was simple and direct to this fact. “Given the modern climate in our society, constantly hearing of another gay teen committing suicide across our television screens, how would you, given the chance, save someone's life? Yes, the Trevor Project is amazing, as is the It Gets Better movement. So, in as few words as possible, how does it get better and why does it get better?” Here’s the link if you’re interested. Despite the attitude of this being directly correlated as teens committing suicide because of their sexual orientation, is moot at best. Regardless of orientation, anyone doing such an act is tragic and not only hurting the person, but also their entire family. Including me in this instance. Some of you may know my own past and possibly not. But I was suicidal for two years about eleven years ago. That time in my life was hell on earth, but unlike some; I actually had a support system and a logical mind that told me that if I went through with such an act, not only would I no longer be here, but I would crush my family. This was something I didn’t want to do. So in that respect, I know how it feels; I’ve been there. I just wish he knew how much he was loved. During the viewing and funeral, people like myself, couldn’t understand why he’d done such a thing. Everyone was crushed, torn, and left feeling empty. About 300 people showed up to pay their final respects, while many others couldn’t even enter the room. They wanted to remember him like he was; a joyful young man who always had a smile on his face. To say it was a difficult day would be an understatement. But my resolve is the same, I want to help people, and unfortunately I couldn’t be that rock for my own cousin. I know I can’t dwell on the what ifs, and the whys. But I still know that tomorrow will be a better day. Maybe one day, given the chance, I’ll once again try my best to save that one life. That’s always been my goal.

Are there any stories about someone being falsely accused by their loved ones and being casted away from his family? Or someone got brutally punished for his crime and being casted away from his family n friends and then later find hope somewhere and learn to stand strong on his own feet. Or betrayed at first and then found strength and love later?

SPRING ANTHOLOGY 2013 HOLDING ON TO HOPE Summary: Brad finally meets the man of his dreams on the Valentine’s Day. He even loses his virginity to him. But the problem occurs when he wakes up the next morning and realizes he can’t remember anything about the guy – not even remembering what he looks like. His best friend, Leslie, thinks he has imagined it all. But was it a mere imagination? or was there something more dangerous to that story? Read the story HERE You can discuss the story under this thread. Hope you guys like it. Don't forget to leave a review!