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  1. Sue Townsend rightly has the reputation as one of our finest comic novelists. Adrian Mole is one of the great comic characters and Sue Townsend did the most refreshing of things, she allowed him to age naturally. What we often forget is was what a good satirist she was too. This book steals the format from her other creation, Adrian Mole. This is the secret diary of Margaret Hilda Roberts, aged 14¼, living above her father’s grocer's shop in Grantham. This is Margaret Thatcher as a girl, long before she met and married Denis. Here Sue Townsend presents all the character tropes that Thatcher was renowned for – the workaholic, surviving on two hours’ sleep a night, the disdain for the working class, the distrust of the BBC and the inability to see the benefit of art – and she presents them in the character of a fourteen-year-old girl. This makes them seem absurd and very strange. Sue Townsend subtly questions these qualities, are they really positive characteristics? This book is also populated with caricatures of political figures from the same time. They are broad caricatures and often presented as other children in Margaret Hilda Roberts’s life, but the in-joke of recognising the real politicians just adds to the fun. This book is fun too, Sue Townsend’s wonderful sense of humour is plainly on display here and her jokes hit the mark (more than once I laughed out loud). The only problem with this book is that it’s so short and ended too soon. Find it here on Amazon
  2. I had never dreamed of writing a book, let alone writing a series of books. Consequently I had never dreamed of becoming a published writer. That all changed when I sat down at my computer and began to write a story based upon characters I'd developed in order to entertain a former colleague of mine. When I finished writing the book, I still had more ideas. One good book called out for another. By that point I had really gotten the writing bug and I began to craft a series of books based upon my hilariously wayward nun who loves her bourbon and her Marlboros - Sister Mary Olga Fortitude. The question that remained was how I would go about becoming published. I felt like Alice in Wonderland. I had no knowledge whatsoever about the publishing industry. I was about to receive an education. I bought a reference book called The Writer's Market. It's a book that's revised every year. Within it are contained listings of agents and traditional publishers. The book is nicely organized so that its reader can determine which agents or publishers are interested in the genre of an author's book and what an author needs to provide in order to be considered for publication. To begin with, the author needs to submit a query letter which provides basic information about his or her book. The Writer's Market advises authors about how to compose such a letter and gives examples of good and bad query letters. With The Writer's Market in hand, I began to search through the listings of agents and publishers who might be interested in my first book. Many of them were able to be approached via email. That was how I began my search. I began to fire off query letters, sometimes attaching sample chapters in those instances when the listings indicated that the agent or publisher was open to receiving unsolicited material. While I was pleased that I received some very positive feedback, no one offered me a contract. I didn't lose heart. Having a book published via a traditional publisher is very difficult, especially in these tough economic times. I soon learned that there are over 400,000 books published every year. It's a highly competitive business. That's when I decided to consider other options. The beauty is that, if one can write well, it's possible to get published. This is due to the proliferation of publishers that will help an author self-publish a book. In most of these cases, the author retains creative control of his or her book and retains all rights to the book. Even so, there are some self-publishers who will insist on retaining publishing rights for a specified period of time. That was to become the case with the first self-publisher from whom I was offered a contract. That was also one of the reasons why I chose not to go with that publisher. The pitfall to self-publishing is that the author usually has to pay the publisher to publish his or her book. There is also very little if any marketing assistance provided. This means that an author has to be willing to put a lot of time and effort into marketing if the author has any hopes of creating a financially successful book. That would become the task which lay before me. First of all, I had to wade through an array of self-publishers from whom I was given offers. I ended up making my publishing decision on the basis of the recommendation of an author friend named Alan Ray Hoxie. He had already successfully published two books with Outskirts Press with whom he'd enjoyed a very positive experience. I decided to give them a try. I was extremely pleased by the highly positive feedback I was given upon their review of my manuscript, The Misadventures of Sister Mary Olga Fortitude. They immediately offered me a contract and I decided to accept it. That was the beginning of a new adventure. It became a heady time for me. What came next was to work with an editor who formatted my book. After that I needed to review proofs of the book and make the necessary corrections before publication. I also worked with an illustrator who created a marvelous custom cover based upon my conception of several of the book's leading characters. It was a lot of fun! The publishing process didn't take as long as it does with a traditional publisher. My book hit the market about two months after I began the process. It was an exciting day when I received my first copies of the book I had written two years earlier. That was when it became time to become active in marketing my book. Fortunately my publisher provided a marketing coach who provided direction in small doses so that I would not become overwhelmed. Over the course of the next several months, I began to solicit reviewers to review my book and I began to pitch media across the country. I emailed every independent bookstore in the country. I held book signings at the local bookstores that carried my book. The major bookstores didn't want to have anything to do with a self-published writer. That didn't bother me since I had become aware that most books are now sold over the internet. The challenge was for me to create a buzz about my book. I had very limited success with the media. My hometown paper generously ran two articles on my book. I had a podcast interview that was posted on itunes. KISS-FM also aired an interview on all of their radio stations. Furthermore I was fortunate to later receive a glowing spotlight article in Instinct Magazine. Most of my reviews were excellent. My readers loved the book and the professionals who reviewed the book also gave me resounding thumbs up reviews. The vast majority of my reviews were rated at five out of five stars. I had high hopes, but my sales had only started to recoup my initial publishing fee. I decided it was time to make an investment in myself. I decided that I needed the help of a professional. That was when I went shopping for a publicist. I soon became aware that the most important consideration in drawing attention to me and to my book was to permeate the internet. The question was how would I go about selecting a publicist. There was a veritable sea of them out there. Some of them were extremely expensive. As before, personal experience played a role in my decision-making process. Through some informal networking on some book-related sites I developed a few relationships with some fellow authors. One of these authors shared her very positive experience in working with a publicist called Full Circle Administrative Services. She was very enthusiastic about them. I decided to check them out. I looked at this author's blog which had been created by them. I was impressed. I learned about all of the things that they could do to help promote an author and my new friend shared all that they had done for her. I decided to contact Full Circle for a quote. A very personable woman named Mindy immediately responded to my email. Not only did she address my professional concerns, but she responded to me in a such a personal way that it helped relieve my anxiety over making a big decision. It didn't take me long to decide to give them a try. What made it even easier for me had been the endorsement of my new author friend named Jennifer Chase. She's an up and coming author of crime and suspense novels for which she has received rave reviews. I felt a sense of renewed hope that my book would receive the attention which it deserves. As for my blog, I was told that it was most important to create interest in me as a person. It was a secondary priority to create interest in my book. I was told that I needed to be patient. Success doesn't happen overnight. In the meantime, I was once again signed by Outskirts Press to publish my first sequel to Misadventures. It is another deliciously silly satire called Babes in Bucksnort. It should be published sometime within the next couple of months. For now I am excited about seeing the blog which Mindy has nearly completed for me. Within it, I will keep the readers updated about the progress of my series. I will also be writing a number of articles about my own personal and professional experience relating to subjects covered in my books. I will cover topics such as recovery from alcoholism, recovery from sexual addiction, coming to a place of acceptance of being gay, recovery from mental illness, working as a social worker with the disenfranchised members of our society among a number of other interesting topics. I look forward to my readers' comments and I look forward to my continuing publishing adventure.
  3. Part One: Where would we be if we couldn't laugh in this world that is frequently too serious for its own good? One of the greatest gifts I've come to discover is how to laugh at and with myself. I've spent most of my life taking myself and things way too seriously. It's wonderful to have a sensitive heart, but it's so important to shield it from unnecessary pain. That's where a good dose of humor serves the spirit and leads us all to let go through wonderfully releasing belly laughs. One thing is certain. Humor not only helps us, it heals. I've heard it said that children laugh hundreds of time each day. On the other hand, adults only laugh six times a day on average. If you've been like I've been, I bet there have been many days within your lives when you didn't laugh at all. Now, that's no laughing matter! What's been wonderfully healing for me has been to turn my past pain into humor. That's first required doing some work at letting go. That's meant that I've had to deal with resentments and practice forgiveness of myself and others. That's not an easy job; but, trust me, it's worth the effort! By facing myself and my own foibles, and learning not to take myself so seriously, I've learned how to laugh at and with myself over things that I didn't used to find funny at all. This has brought me so much joy and it's released me from toxic things like self-pity. Life's too short to stay locked in a cave of negativity and judgment. Well, my friends. You certainly know that I've been able to use humor in my series of Sister Mary Olga books. I've especially done that by looking at character flaws that I've observed in both myself and others. Then I've exaggerated them for comic effect. Consider the prudish and judgmental Priscilla Bunhead and the proud and manipulative Lula Mae Bunsaplenty. Add an angry bully named Martha Mayhem who has a chip on her shoulder bigger than a dowager's hump. With them I've created a recipe for finding humor in the darkness within people's souls. In my own life, I think back to how I used to laugh so many times – so freely and unselfconsciously. What a relief it was! Guess what, folks? Those days have returned for me and they can for you too. Just lighten up and let go of whatever has bothered you. Face your fears and see them for what they are. Surrender them to the light and let go of the darkness within your souls. If I've been able to do it, anybody can! Part Two: Well, you already know what used to be some of my deepest and darkest secrets. By sharing them with you, I am letting go of my shame. They also can't be used as weapons against me since I've already put them out there. That's putting my secrets into the light. Now, the question is, “How did I manage to find a way to lighten up myself?” That's a good question! I've already talked about taking a self-inventory. That's the fourth step in a twelve-step program - “We took a searching and fearless moral inventory of ourselves.” Once I was able to look at my flaws and my assets of character, I was able to appreciate that I have been simply human. What I now need to do is to be responsible for my life. My number one responsibility is for maintaining my own personal happiness. No one or nothing can do that for me except myself. The same is true for any of us. What's helped me has been to talk to another human being with whom I can trust my conflicts. If they can relate, they can help me put things into perspective. Before long, I feel lighter. Then I'm able to look at something like the fight I may have had with my partner and realize how ridiculous my part in it had been. I had been only getting hung up in my own shit again. Talk about insanity! Think about all of those times when you were convinced that you were right about something. Just remember, depending on who else was involved, there are always that many different perspectives of a given situation. Isn't it more freeing to leave everyone to their own opinions and not always need to be right? That's a form of letting go. It's also a spiritual principle that will help you maintain your joy. How about looking back upon those occasions when you developed a resentment and look at your part in it. Did you feel like a victim and then become angry and self-righteous? God knows how many times I have done that in my past! As I've said in “I am my characters,” my characters are based upon those aspects of light and darkness within myself and what I've observed within others. The problem is that, when I focus on other people's shortcomings, I am making a negative judgment. As I've said before, I am also looking at something with which I need to look at within myself. As I've created my characters and their exaggerated character defects, I am hoping that you will begin to see where you have possessed some of these same attributes yourself. If you can laugh at my characters' antics, you should have the capacity to laugh at your own. That will be your pathway to freedom. It will be your pathway back to your joy. Author Davis Aujourd'hui
  4. Each of you has a book in yourself. After all, you all have your life stories. That is a starting point; at least it was for me. I wrote my memoirs about recovery from multiple addictions and mental illness. It helped me to heal and to learn how to put my thoughts down on paper. You can do that too. Each of you is creative energy. You may not realize it. Just let yourself sit with that thought for awhile. Then try putting a pen to paper when the inspiration comes. You will be amazed at what can come out for you. It is your creative energy expressing itself. Maybe you will express yourself through writing a poem. Perhaps it will be an anecdote from your life. Perhaps you will find the creative impulse to write a short story. Okay, that's a beginning. Try to keep going. You do have a book in you. Use your imagination. Let it flow as you put your pen to paper or run your fingers over your keyboard. Believe in yourself and you will create. If it's meant to be, it will be. Whatever you can dream, you can also realize. Don't allow any negative thoughts or excuses stand in your way. Affirm to yourself, I am writing a book. Practice every day or so. You don't have to write much. Just keep at it and you will find yourself moving in a forward direction. Before you know it, you will be on your way to writing that book. Okay, now the book is written. The question is, how can you publish it? That's easy these days. While the traditional publishing industry is very hard to break into, there are many self-publishers. Just google that and you will come up with many. Check them out. Many of them will charge you very little to publish your book. You may not have a best-seller, but you can publish your book if you truly want to do it. That's what I did. While I didn't publish my memoirs, I have written several books about a wayward nun named Sister Mary Olga Fortitude. She loves her bourbon and her Marlboros. That always gets her into trouble with her Reverend Mother who is a reformed prostitute. The zany characters don't stop there. I just let my imagination continue to create my zany characters and hilarious situations. Once my first bookwas published, I just kept on going. My next book was soon out. I'd never had more fun in my life and I was off on an adventure! That's when my challenges began. After all, I was embarking on a new career and I wanted to make a success of it. Now, it was time to promote my book and I realized I needed help. I hired a wonderful publicist.. She created a marvelous blog for me and I began to write articles such as this one. She began to post them all over the internet. Then I began to get radio interviews. It was an exciting time to revel in my experience as I shared it with my listening audience. After all, it's no good unless you give it away. While I wanted to make a success of my book, I also want to inspire my listeners to be all that they could be too. If you have ever dreamed of becoming an author, I encourage you to take these simple steps. You can do it. Dream a little while. Then take some action. Dreams do come true. Author Davis Aujourd'hui
  5. Surely you've heard it said that laughter is the best medicine. Yet, sometimes, taking a look at yourself isn't so funny. You may discover some characteristics that seem less than laughable. That doesn't have to be the case. I am an author of a series of books designed to help their readers not take life so seriously. I have done this by creating memorably and delightfully dysfunctional characters to whom we can all relate. Just as is the case with all of us, we each have our light and our dark sides. The challenge is to come to a place of acceptance by embracing all that we are. As we do so, we can nurture those characteristics that we wish to possess and to let go of those which no longer serve us. My characters face the same challenges that many of us face in this modern world. I have heard it said that to be human is to be addicted. We tend to attach ourselves to things in this life that will make us feel better about ourselves. Unfortunately, the only true happiness there is comes from within. When you fill yourself from the outside with things like relationships, alcohol, overeating, gambling, compulsive buying, and sex to name just a few, you only numb yourself to this greater truth. You also beat yourself up in the process. The good news is that you don't have to do that to yourself. There is a better way. The important thing is to be gentle with yourself. You can do this by learning to laugh at your personal foibles as you come to a place of acceptance. By using the spiritual approach of unconditional love, you will be on the pathway to a happier and healthier life. It isn't easy! Getting honest with yourself is a challenge and you cannot do it alone. That's why it is important to surround yourself with others who can help guide you on your journey in a loving manner. I have created a series of satires with a spiritual message. That primary message is to practice love. My main character maintains that, if only we followed the Golden Rule – do unto others as you would have them do unto you – you wouldn't need the Ten Commandments. One of the pitfalls of being human is that we all judge. This is how we come to new understandings as we follow our lifetime pathways to greater illumination. What we need to do is to keep an open mind so that we can be receptive to the wisdom that comes from experience. When we focus on our defects or the defects of others, we are not being loving. Just be careful with your judgments. This is where the task of self-examination comes into play. Anytime you find something disagreeable within another or in any situation, it's time to take a look at what that's all about. Oftentimes, you will come to discover that you possess those very characteristics that you are judging. Go ahead and have a good laugh. Then take time to consider how you can practice awareness in your life. Whenever you want to react to something or someone, it's time to take a look in the mirror to see what you can do to change yourself. That takes work. The good news is that you've got an entire lifetime to do that. Davis Aujourd'hui is the creator of the Sister Mary Olga Fortitude series of religious and social satires. His most recent book is entitled Babes in Bucksnort. As will be the case with Sister Mary Olga in his next book, he is a recovering alcoholic. He also happens to be gay as are several of the endearing and humorous characters within his novels. He speaks from his own experience. He has possessed all of the foibles of his cast of characters, including those naughty, nasty, and nice. He is socially-minded and spirituality is the most important ingredient for him to maintain a happy and successful life.
  6. I offer avid readers with a sense of humor to take a hilarious getaway to a fantasyland that will make you forget your troubles. You can do so with the gift of unending laughter. Here's a little tempter to tantalize your humorous taste buds. "Babes in Bucksnort" is the first sequel to the highly praised "The Misadventures of Sister Mary Olga Fortitude". Once again the unconventional bourbon-swilling, chain-smoking nun will spin outrageously funny new tales about the residents of Bucksnort, Wisconsin while she tests the will of a reformed prostitute who just happens to be her Reverend Mother. Unfortunately there's trouble brewing in the Snortlands. The nasty and notorious town busybody, Priscilla Bunhead, goes on a crusade to stamp out what she calls the gay menace. That's when she convinces her millionaire friend, Mildred Mayflower, to give away her fortune in order to bring the Reverend Billy-Bob Blunthead and his Born Again or Burn Forever Disciples for Jesus to town to do the job. It will be an uphill climb for them when the closet doors of many gay people in the Snortlands burst open. Billy-Bob and his wife, Pinky Poo, will have another battle on their hands when Dimples Dufus, the heiress to the Mayflower fortune, arrives on the scene to reclaim her fortune. You'll also meet the hilariously bumbling, pothead psychiatrist, Doctor Wally Wacky-Wacko, who creates havoc for one of Sister Mary Olga's favorite fellow nuns. Along with Mildred Mayflower, they become victims of his multi-colored pills that only turn them into zombies. The handsome and virile gay cowboy chef, Randy Cowboy, makes an important self-discovery about his never-ending sexual pursuits when he joins a twelve-step program called Sex Maniacs Notorious. The irascible Martha Mayhem settles down into comfortable domesticity with her new life partner who happens to be her sister-in law. Martha still manages to sti r up trouble on Dinkledorf Drive with her fellow enemies and neighbors, the prudish Priscilla Bunhead and the voluptuous Lula Mae Bunsaplenty. The question that remains is whether Lula Mae's paramour, Jules Jesslike Pappas will put up with her continuing manipulative feminine wiles. In between the laughs, Sister Mary Olga continues to dispense nuggets of spiritual wisdom during her classes in Beginner's and Advanced Holiness. Just don't take seats near the flatulent child named Fartley Dinkledorf or his lecherous one-hundred five year-old grandfather, Poopsy. The bottom line is that everyone is welcome in Sister Mary Olga's classes. Join the diverse cast of zany characters for a joy ride that will tickle your funny bone until it aches. Author Davis Aujourd'hui
  7. Winter got you down? Feeling a case of those seasonal depressive blues? I've got the antidote for you. I'll have you laughing and your spirits shining within the first five pages of either of my books. Take a joy ride to Bucksnort with the naughty nun who likes her booze and her Marlboros – Sister Mary Olga . "The Misadventures of Sister Mary Olga Fortitude" is a hilarious narrative dispensed by the irreverent nun who isn't an advocate for the pope. She's got her own brand of spirituality and will sprinkle nuggets of wisdom amidst a multitude of zany scenarios. You'll be introduced to the cast of diverse and deliciously dysfunctional characters of Bucksnort, Wisconsin as you enter a wonderland filled with people you'll grow to love and love to hate. The Reverend Mother is a former prostitute and a continual thorn in Sister Mary Olga's habits. Gay chef, Randy Cowboy, is one of the gay and lesbian characters who take a ride on the wild side along with some of their more straight-laced townspeople. There is nothing joyful about the town prude, Priscilla Bunhead. Her specialty is digging in the dirt and there's plenty of that to be found in Bucksnort. I like to season my book with spice like the cowboy chef seasons his food and sex life. "Babes in Bucksnort" will take you on a continuing adventure which will introduce you to characters like the pothead zombie psychiatrist, Dr. Wally Wacky-Wacko. Dr. Wally doesn't exactly have a thriving practice, but he likes to practice his profession upon the unsuspecting who don't necessarily fare for the better from his pretty colored pills. You'll meet a nun with a secret beneath her habit, a young heiress with a botched facelift which gives her a perpetual look of amazement, and a haughty African-American queen who gives her elderly paramour, Jules Jesllike Pappas, a run for his money. You'll meet Priscilla Bunhead's newest neighbor and impressionable convert, Lilliliver Lipstick. The little girl in a woman's body doesn't know the first thing about grooming or makeup. She paints clown-like circles on her pasty face and wears bright red lipstick while coloring her hair an unappealing shade of dishwater blond. Priscilla soon has Lilliliver wearing her hair in a tight little bun. This only serves to constrict her already closed mind. The two of them become alarmed as more gay people come out of the closet. That's when they seek help from the charismatic and arch conservative Reverend Billy-Bob Blunthead and his Born Again or Burn Forever Disciples for Jesus. Their bumbling and misguided efforts only serve to heighten the consciousness of people who are ready to open their minds and embrace the diversity of humanity. Just don't think that I keep a serious tone to my books for long. My specialty is to continue to tickle your funny bone so that you'll be jumping out of your seats with whoops of laughter. My books are a cross between the humor of Armistead Maupin, Carl Hiassen, and Garrison Keillor. At this point in the season, you may think that winter will never end. I offer you two joy-filled gifts that will help move the time more quickly when you think another gray day will never end. Be prepared to be royally entertained. Order both books from Amazon.com and receive free shipping and handling. You won't be disappointed for long when you're through because there are many more chronicles from Bucksnort yet to come. Hope You all enjoy, looks like a long winter ahead of us!Author Davis Aujourd'hui
  8. Babes in Bucksnort is where the journey continues following the highly praised "The Misadventures of Sister Mary Olga Fortitude". Once again the unconventional bourbon-swilling, chain-smoking nun will spin outrageously funny new tales about the residents of Bucksnort, Wisconsin while she tests the will of a reformed prostitute who just happens to be her Reverend Mother. Unfortunately there's trouble brewing in the Snortlands. The nasty and notorious town busybody, Priscilla Bunhead, goes on a crusade to stamp out what she calls the gay menace. That's when she convinces her millionaire friend, Mildred Mayflower, to give away her fortune in order to bring the Reverend Billy-Bob Blunthead and his Born Again or Burn Forever Disciples for Jesus to town to do the job. It will be an uphill climb for them when the closet doors of many gay people in the Snortlands burst open. Billy-Bob and his wife, Pinky Poo, will have another battle on their hands when Dimples Dufus, the heiress to the Mayflower fortune, arrives on the scene to reclaim her fortune. You'll also meet the hilariously bumbling, pothead psychiatrist, Doctor Wally Wacky-Wacko, who creates havoc for one of Sister Mary Olga's favorite fellow nuns. Along with Mildred Mayflower, they become victims of his multi-colored pills that only turn them into zombies. The handsome and virile gay cowboy chef, Randy Cowboy, makes an important self-discovery about his never-ending sexual pursuits when he joins a twelve-step program called Sex Maniacs Notorious. The irascible Martha Mayhem settles down into comfortable domesticity with her new life partner who happens to be her sister-in law. Martha still manages to stir up trouble on Dinkledorf Drive with her fellow enemies and neighbors, the prudish Priscilla Bunhead and the voluptuous Lula Mae Bunsaplenty. The question that remains is whether Lula Mae's paramour, Jules Jesslike Pappas will put up with her continuing manipulative feminine wiles. In between the laughs, Sister Mary Olga continues to dispense nuggets of spiritual wisdom during her classes in Beginner's and Advanced Holiness. Just don't take seats near the flatulent child named Fartley Dinkledorf or his lecherous one-hundred five year-old grandfather, Poopsy. The bottom line is that everyone is welcome in Sister Mary Olga's classes. Join the diverse cast of zany characters for a joy ride that will tickle your funny bone until it aches.
  9. Need an enjoyable escape? You need look no further. Take a journey to Joyland when you travel to the fantastic and fictional town of Bucksnort, Wisconsin. Check out The Misadventures of Sister Mary Olga Fortitude on Amazon.com and you'll want to continue the journey in Babes in Bucksnort. With a good snort of bourbon and a puff on her Marlboro, Sister Mary Olga dishes up the delightful dirt on the zany characters in the Snortlands of Wisconsin. You'll meet the despicable Priscilla Bunhead who eventually champions the arch conservative Reverend Billy-Bob Blunthead and his Born Again or Burn Forever Disciples for Jesus. The two of them embark on a campaign to eliminate what they call perversion in the Snortlands. The gay people of Bucksnort don't take it lying down. Their hero is the convent's gay cowboy chef, Randy, who enlists the aid of anyone who is brave enough to take a stand against prejudice. It's all done with outrageous humor that eventually backfires on the small-minded folks like Priscilla, Lilliliver Lipstick, Billy-Bob and his wife, Pinky Poo Blunthead. The reformed prostitute who happens to be the Reverend Mother doesn't agree with Sister Mary Olga going out on the limb for a cause that the pope wouldn't embrace. Sister Mary Olga couldn't give a hoot. She's an unorthodox liberal with a mission to enlighten lost souls. She has her work cut out for her. While I like to wake people up to their own shortcomings, I do it with hilarious humor. You'll meet the bumbling Father Cowberries and the celebrity radio chef, Amanda Ann Adult, who also love their liquor. Sister Mary Olga spends plenty of time in the confessional with the parish priest where they swap tales in between nips of bourbon. You'll meet the elderly suave half African-American, Jules Jesslike Pappas. His simple-minded mother named him. When the nurse held up the baby with a substantial endowment and asked her what she wanted to name the child, Mae I. Doomutch declared, “Jewels just like papa's!” Jules has his own challenges with the haughty Lula Mae Bunsaplenty. She's an African-American queen with an attitude who Jules soon discovers is just out for his money. When she dishes out a dose of attitude to her neighbors, she gets on the bad side of Priscilla Bunhead and Martha Mayhem. That's when the adults on Dinkledorf Drive begin to behave more like babes. Both of my books are page turners that will keep you laughing from the beginning to end. My mission is to engender joy within my readers. Take a joyride and come back for more. You won't want to miss the next of the continuing books in the series!
  10. Take a hilarious trip in my book, Babes in Bucksnort, and you'll meet a dastardly trio who are out to stamp out what they call perversion among people who are different from themselves. Aren't all of us, after all! Life would be boring if we were all the same. Tell that to Priscilla Bunhead, Lilliliver Lipstick, and the Reverend Billy-Bob Blunthead and his Born Again or Burn Forever Disciples for Jesus. Priscilla Bunhead is a shrewish prude who is always digging up dirt on her fellow residents on Dinkledorf Drive in the fictional town of Bucksnort, Wisconsin. She's an old maid who wears her stringy hair in a tight little bun at the back of her head. It's so tight that she has no room whatsoever to open her closed little mind. She convinces her timid neighbor, Lilliliver Lipstick, to follow in her self-righteous ways. Lilliliver is a prime candidate. She is someone who likes to have somebody else do her thinking for her. Lilliliver is a pale-faced, dishwater blond who adopts the same unbecoming hair fashion as Priscilla. Lillilver paints her pasty cheeks with circles of rouge and she wears bright red lipstick. Not only does she look like a clown, she acts like one too. As soon as Priscilla discovers that several of her neighbors are gay, she calls upon the arch conservative Billy-Bob to begin a crusade to drive out gay people from the Snortlands. Fortunately, and with great humor, their campaign turns into a big farce. Billy-Bob and his wife, Pinky Poo, are masters of grand theater. With her blazing fuschia hair, Pinky Poo stands on the sidelines and wails a stream of tears as Billy-Bob seeks to instill the fear of God in his faithful followers. They are other lost lambs, looking for someone to help them sort out right from wrong. Unfortunately for them, they are sheep following a wolf in sheep's clothing. My bourbon-swilling nun, Sister Mary Olga Fortitude, rallies support for her gay friends. Going against her Reverend Mother's instructions, she takes a stand for the righteous. It will be an uphill battle, but good triumphs over the bumbling and dastardly trio in the end. Along the way, you'll meet a host of colorful characters and outrageously zany situations that will tickle your funny bone. This book is a satirical farce for people who love to laugh. Climb on the joy wagon and get ready for the fun.
  11. Surely you've heard it said that laughter is the best medicine. Yet, sometimes, taking a look at yourself isn't so funny. You may discover some characteristics that seem less than laughable. That doesn't have to be the case. I am an author of a series of books designed to help their readers not take life so seriously. I have done this by creating memorably and delightfully dysfunctional characters to whom we can all relate. Just as is the case with all of us, we each have our light and our dark sides. The challenge is to come to a place of acceptance by embracing all that we are. As we do so, we can nurture those characteristics that we wish to possess and to let go of those which no longer serve us. The important thing is to be gentle with ourselves. We can do this by learning to laugh at our personal foibles as we come to a place of acceptance. By using the spiritual approach of unconditional love, we will be on the pathway to a happier and healthier life. It isn't easy! Getting honest with yourself is a challenge and you cannot do it alone. That's why it is important to surround ourselves with others who can help guide us on our journey in a loving manner. I have created a series of satires with a spiritual message. They are about a wayward nun named Sister Mary Olga Fortitude who loves her bourbon and her Marlboros. Amidst a sea of her own dysfunction, she dispenses spiritual nuggets of wisdom and plenty of laughs as she introduces you to characters like her Reverend Mother (a reformed prostitute), the convent's chef (a gay cowboy), and the town prude and busybody, Priscilla Bunhead. Priscilla is a nasty woman who doesn't have a nice thing to say about anyone who thinks differently from herself. She also manages to bring out the dark sides of characters such as the irascible Martha Mayhem and the haughty Lula Mae Bunsaplenty. Your journey to the fictional town of Bucksnort, Wisconsin will introduce you to many other deliciously zany characters who you will come to love and hate. Just be careful with your judgments. This is where the task of self-examination comes into play. Anytime you find something disagreeable within another, it's time to take a look at what that is all about. Oftentimes, you will come to discover that you possess those very characteristics that you are judging. That's when it's time to laugh at the characters and yourself. You'll have plenty of opportunities to do this in The Misadventures of Sister Mary Olga Fortitude and Babes in Bucksnort. Go ahead and have a good laugh. Then take time to consider how you can practice awareness in your life. Whenever you want to react to something or someone, it's time to take a look in the mirror to see what you can do to change yourself. That takes work. The good news is that you've got an entire lifetime to do that. The other good news is that the side-splitting laughs don't end with my first two books. Many more books in the series are in the works. Treat yourself to a joyride that will also provide you with some food for thought. You will laugh from the first page until the last. Enjoy your journey to Bucksnort and the more important journeys of your own lives. Author Davis Aujourd'hui
  12. TOS: Kitty porn is strictly prohibited! Mellow Yellow Hi My name is Boo and I live in Mississippi. I'm a 10 year old male yellow tabby. I like cat nip, long naps, music, birdwatching and hissing at other cats that get too close to my dinner dish. I dislike noisy humans, strangers, pedigreed cats that think they are better than everyone else and smart-assed squirrels. My perfect mate likes to sleep as much as I do. I'm really mellow and don't like to fight. Home Kitty I'm Blackie! I am a year old Tom from Mississippi. I like playing with fireflies and my brother, hunting, slapping around other Toms that invade my territory and eating blue-jays. I dislike dogs, cars, possums, mosquitoes and old ladies with brooms. I really like my human. I had to look long and hard for a good one and then convince him that he was my human. I like one night stands. Don't call me in the morning. I'll be sleeping.
  13. Hi, I'm taking my lead from Carlos and expanding on his idea. I have decided to combine all my Unison Island stories into one forum topic to aid readers in finding the stories and to help me in keeping up with comments to the stories. Stories in order are: Book 1 - Welcome to Unison Island - An introduction to the world I created. Book 2 - Jamie and Andrew Book 3 - Adam and Ben - Author Note - This is also available to FREE download in the eBook section. Book 4 - Buried Treasure - Author Note: This story was my first attempt at writing in the first person and I am in the process of rewriting it to fill in some gaping holes. Book 5 - The Mouse that Roared - Unison Island Spin offs. Book 1 - Thane, Harry and Eddy - Christmas special Book 2 - Let Me In - Prompt Shorts: Prompt 313 - You're not listening - Set after Book 3 of Unison Island Prompt 307 - Please Dear - Set after book 3 of Unison Island Prompt 315 - Marry Me - Deleted scene from Book 5 of Unison Island Prompt 318 - Fayres Fair - Part of Chapter 9 of Book 2 of Unison Island Prompt 321 - I'm not staying there - Set between Books 3&4 of Unison Island Prompt 323 - Pictures v Actions - Deleted scene from Book 5 of Unison Island Prompt 325 - Love in the woods - Additional scene for Book 3 of Unison Island Prompt 332 - Birth or Torture - Additional scene for Book 3 of Unison Island Prompt 336 - Tea Anyone??? - Set after Book 5 of Unison Island Prompt 372 - Babysitting, the cat way - Set after Book 5 of Unison Island Prompt 376 - She said what!!! - Set after Book 5 of Unison Island All comments are welcomed. Be they suggestions, corrections or just general. Thank you for taking an interest in this topic. Caz
  14. "There's your boat! Go left! Go left!" "OMG! This controller's so gross, why is this controller so gross?" "That's me seven times a day in my car." "He's got a life expectancy of eight seconds." "Who needs Wade? Has he contributed anything so far? Toothless meth tweaker." "How do we get to the strip club?" "It just looks like she's having some sort of insulin shock seizure." "You know what, my erection broke my fall." "Wait I just got shot and I went to the hospital? This is sort of a pro-Obama Care message. He just got shot and went to the crappiest-looking hospital in the world and an hour later he's walking around." "Kick me out of the strip club and I come back with a missile-firing chopper."
  15. My hometown is hosting gymnastics try-out for Olympics. Today is men's final. Though I couldn't afford a ticket ($100+, if you want a good seat), but I still went to HP Pavilion with my camera. It turned out there were some event hosting at the park next to it as a pre-show event. Many people went. For some reason, some religion people with their picket signs showed up. You know, the kind that tells you you're going to h*ll unless you believe in Jesus Christ. And of course, the hate sign.... I think it had the words fornication and homosexual on it. Of all days, they picked the men's gymnastics final to do their protest.... For crying out loud, there were lots of kids in that event. Shame on them for corrupting our youth. OMG.... Where is the family value? (in case you haven't noticed..., I am being sarcastic) Fortunately, I didn't wear my purple t-shirt, because there was another guy wore the same one.... That would be TRULY embarrassing. Instead, I wore an orange ringer that says Lake Tahoe or Bust. That probably made me look borderline straight, or at least confusing, so I wasn't attacked by Jesus-loving haters. On the other side of the fornication sign, it said, "I love to forgive." Cool, because I love to forgive, too. Most of the time.... Honestly, if there weren't so many kids and police around, I would go up and ask them if they would forgive people like me. I really would love to see their faces. I hope I didn't look too straight to them. I think my camera had some magical power. When I pointed my camera at them, one of them felt shameful and his picket sign went flaccid. Round One: Camera 1, Picket fence 0. Next time I should use a Holga (mine is the version with monkey sticker on it), then I'll really teach them the power of Homo Lomo. On the brighter side. I think men's gymnastics pulled a lot of guys out of their closets Silicon Valley computer desks. I really didn't expect so many guys to show up. Many wore shorts so they showed their nice gymnasts look-alike calves. Fortunately I hike a lot so my own calves didn't embarrass me. I know.... so vane.... There were two guys went together, and wore the same t-shirt. Don't know what it said in the front, but the back said, "the hardest sport in the world" with the word "hardest" in red print.... I don't know..., but I think they might be fornicators in the eyes of Jesus.... I know... I am rambling..., please forgive me. But I am so excited because it's my first gay pride parade.... Wait..., it's men's gymnastics final.... Oops.
  16. Years ago when I first started to paid with real money (not the monopoly money I had been getting), I discovered that I owed Uncle Sam $1100 on tax day. My boss was being a raging bitch. Three printers and the main router decided to go tits up all at once. My order for laser printer toner cartridges came back, again, because it wasn't formatted properly. I had 10 minutes to deal with my bank to get the money for Uncle Sam. It took 40 minutes. Bankers are like that. About 3:30 in the afternoon I get the beginnings of a cold. At four we have a thunderstorm that strikes one of our buildings rendering it deaf, dumb and blind. To make matters worse, my truck started making that noise that costs $600 to fix now or $1400 to fix later. When I finally get home after 10:00, I sit down in my chair and my cat Booger hops in my lap. I say, "Booger old pal, I had one hellva day." He sat listening to me complain with the kind of interest that cats show when humans are babbling about something that the human thinks is important. I make the mistake of ending my monologue with, "Oh crap, what else could go wrong?" Booger made a dreadful sound, "HU-RUFF" and hurled a monster hairball in my lap. Now I know. Ever since then I have made a point to never asked what else could go wrong. Trust me on this. You don't want to know.
  17. I saw this floating around social media today and thought it would be a humorous exercise for GA authors to participate in. http://www.boredpanda.com/and-murders-began-first-line-book/?page_numb=1 "The opening line of a book is extremely important, as it has to be intriguing and powerful enough to capture the reader's imagination. Then, the second line has to intensify the intrigue. Coming up with these lines can be pretty difficult, yet one writer came up with a second line that would almost always heighten the intrigue to its peak, and the Internet is going crazy. "And then the murders began" - that's the clever line Marc Laidlaw came up with. Add it to almost any opening line and you've got yourself a hell of an intriguing book opening." So here's the exercise for you: In the comments, write the first sentence of one of your GA stories or poems, followed by the second line of "And then the murders began." I'll start with my own contribution, from 'Backstage Tryst': "I rubbed nervous palms across my denim-covered thighs, trying once more to exhale the breath which remained stuck in my throat, unable to escape. And then the murders began." I look forward to seeing yours!
  18. As you might imagine, those of us that live here in the South have a rather unique way of saying things. I decided to save some authentic 70s Southern Slang with the assistance of the good folks at the urban dictionary. I'm doing my part to perserve a rich but vanishing heiratage that most yuppies have forgotten now because they were too f**ked up at the time to remember them. You know- the same retarded hypocritical assholes who declared war on drugs and probably still have bong tar stains on their old albums. Without further comment, A 70s Flashback organ-spasm 15 thumbs up, 6 thumbs down A mind-blowing, earth-shaking orgasm so intense that you never forget it. It must be something of a religious experience as most people shout, "Oh God, Oh God, Oh God!". Holy crap Jessie can give great head. That was an organ-spasm I'll never forget. try-sexual 20 thumbs up, 11 thumbs down A young guy that is such a horn dog that he will try most anything sexual. My buddy Shawn is a try-sexual: he f**ked his girlfrind Mandy and her fag-hag buddy Travis. leg hound 17 thumbs up, 1 thumbs down 1. a male dog the humps your leg 2. a young man with a powerful sex drive that will f**K anybody, anything, anytime, anywhere. 1. What could be more awkward than meeting your girlfriends parents with their damned leg hound humping and nutting on your shin. 2. Jesus Shawn! I can understand f**king a fag-hag like Jamie but did you have to f**K her buddy Travis too? lunker 19 thumbs up, 3 thumbs down An enormous turd left in an unflushed toilet. Oh my Gawd Shawn? Did you leave this lunker in the toilet? It's got to be at least 17 inches. mall troll 14 thumbs up 0 thumbs down Fat 40ish closet queens, possibly a republican congressman or TV evangalist, who hang out in malls trying to pick up boys and young men. In a vice sweep last week, the police arrested a dozen mall trolls including a preacher, city councleman and a man waiting while his family bought back to school clothes at Sears hobby homo 13 thumbs up 0 thumbs down A man who is not gay per see and is apparently heterosexual for all intents and purposes but occassionally enjoys sex with other men. Sam is a hobby homo. He likes pussy but says that gay guys give much better head. queer as a football bat 11 up, 1 down Describes a flamboyant homosexuals manner and dress. Origin: 70's slang, South Eastern US. Oh Jeff is queer as a football bat but he's so nice most people don't care. Brought to you by the Seventies Preservation Society. If you were at the party, you probably can't remember it but you still have the herpes to remind you.
  19. Q: What was the last thing to go through Pakistani oppisition leader Benazir Bhutto's mind when she was killed by a suicide bomber? A: Her hubcaps. A man was riding in the back of his limousine when he saw a man eating grass by the roadside. He ordered his driver to stop and he got out to investigate. "Why are you eating grass?" he asked the man. "I don't have any money for food," the poor man replied. "Oh, please come to my house!" "But sir, I have a wife and four children..." "Bring them along!" the rich man said. They all climbed into the limo. Once underway, the poor fellow said, "Sir, you are too kind. Thank you for taking all of us in." The rich man replied, "No, you don't understand. The grass at my house is over three feet tall!" Two frat boys on a weekend fishing cruise are blown way out to sea and their boat is crippled. They are stuck out there for days and run out of food and water. After a week of being stranded out there, a friendly Genie comes by and grants the two frat brothers 1 wish. Instantly one of the guys said, "I wish this ocean was really beer." POOF. Done. The Genie disapeers. His frat brother looks at him in disgust and says, "I guess you know that now we're going to have to piss in the boat."
  20. What makes a good Systems Administrator? -------------------------------------------------------------------------------- A deep streak of Masochism, very little life and the ability to wake up nice and cheery at 2am to a panicked phone call from an idiot user who has just done something stupid that is going to cost you two weeks work. At least a BS in Computer Science. With all the BS in this game, you'll need at least that much. Experience. Of course you can't get a job until you've got experience so the mere existence of systems administrators is a logical impossibility since the first one has never been hired. The patience of Job (for eventually you will wish to curse God and die). A good sense of humor - Lest the job should drive you into the SERIAL KILLER business. Good Communications Skills - So that you can tell a user tactfully and diplomatically that if he (or she) ever does anything as stupid as that again, that you are personally going to choke the living shit out of them. Good Vendor Interaction Skills - So that you can bribe your service vendors technicians so that they will actually do/perform services as advertised, on time. Good Networking Skills - So that you actually know that your multi-million dollar network is down and the users aren't just complaining because they haven't got the skills, training or a clue as to how to USE it. Salesmanship - So that you can get management to actually support your installation with needed capital for necessary training, software, hardware and diagnostic tools rather than tell you : THAT IS WHAT WE PAY YOU TO DO. A Severe Mental Disorder - So that you do not immediately recognize that the position of Systems Administrator is roughly equilvalent to wearing a "KICK ME, I'm Stupid" T-Shirt. A Secondary Job Skill - So that when you eventually BURN OUT, you won't starve. You want extra pickle on that? -------------------------------------------------------------------------------- As an experienced Systems Administrator, I consider these eleven attributes to essential to a competent SA. But since SA's are only a theoretical possibility (see Above), I myself can not possibly exist, nor can this news group, its corresponding members nor the Internet itself. So this entire discussion is a delusion -a logical paradox which can only exist in the Twilight Zone. NURSE! GET MY MEDICATION.... I'm having another one of those DAMNED FITS..
  21. The Four Cats of the Apocalypse are on the lose! Catastrophe Cataclysm Catty-whumpus Catatonic Unlike the four horsemen, these guys might pass you by for some milk, tuna, yarn or a nice spot to nap.
  22. In the well well known Keyhole Nebula (NGC 3372) surrounding the super-star Eta Carinae is an interesting feature that some astronomers have labeled the "Rude Gesture Nebula". Since it is several hundred light years away, it is huge- light-years across. It is a gas and dust cloud in which new stars are forming. The odd shapes were created by the hot solar winds and radiation pressures created by the massive young stars in this stellar nursery. Super-stars like Eta Carinae, or stars with a mass 100 times that of the sun, are quite rare. They account for less than 1% of all stars but 60% of all luminosity in the universe. They live very short lives in astronomical terms, 10s of millions of years, before they explode and enrich the surrounding cosmos with dust and gas for the next generation of stars. Most stars are much more mundane. They are even smaller than our own sun but what they give up in mass, they gain in longevity. Main sequence stars like our Sun and smaller are quite stable and last for billions of years. The smallest known stars are about 1/10 of our own sun's mass. This is also about the same size as some of the larger "brown dwarfs" or Jupiter like gas giants or "pre-stars". This begs an interesting question which vexes astronomers and physicist: what causes some brown dwarfs to ignite and become true stars and what causes others to just sit there?
  23. some forwarded mail is just too amusing not to pass on .... 1 Sometimes I'll look down at my watch 3 consecutive times and still not know what time it is. 2. Nothing sucks more than that moment during an argument when you realize you're wrong. 3. I totally take back all those times I didn't want to nap when I was younger. 4. There is great need for a sarcasm font. 5. How the heck are you supposed to fold a fitted sheet? 6. Was learning cursive really necessary? 7. Map Quest really needs to start their directions on # 5. I'm pretty sure I know how to get out of my neighborhood. 8. Obituaries would be a lot more interesting if they told you how the person died. 9. I can't remember the last time I wasn't at least kind-of tired. 10. Bad decisions make good stories. 11. You never know when it will strike, but there comes a moment at work when you know that you just aren't going to do anything productive for the rest of the day. 12. Can we all just agree to ignore whatever comes after Blue Ray? I don't want to have to restart my collection...again. 13. I'm always slightly terrified when I exit out of Word and it asks me if I want to save any changes to my ten-page technical report that I swear I did not make any changes to. 14. I keep some people's phone numbers in my phone just so I know not to answer when they call. 15. I think the freezer deserves a light as well. 16. I disagree with Kay Jewelers. I would bet on any given Friday or Saturday night more kisses begin with Miller Light than Kay. 17. I wish Google Maps had an "Avoid Ghetto" routing option. 18. I have a hard time deciphering the fine line between boredom and hunger. 19. How many times is it appropriate to say "What?" before you just nod and smile because you still didn't hear or understand a word they said? 20. I love the sense of camaraderie when an entire line of cars team up to prevent a jerk from cutting in at the front. Stay strong, brothers and sisters! 21. Shirts get dirty. Underwear gets dirty. Pants? Pants never get dirty, and you can wear them forever. 22. Even under ideal conditions people have trouble locating their car keys in a pocket, finding their cell phone, and Pinning the Tail on the Donkey - but I'd bet everyone can find and push the snooze button from 3 feet away, in about 1.7 seconds, eyes closed, first time, every time. 23. The first testicular guard, the "Cup," was used in Hockey in 1874 and the first helmet was used in 1974. That means it only took 100 years for men to realize that their brain is also important. Ladies.....Quit Laughing.
  24. Hehe, well I thought it would be fun to start an lolcats thread, hehe. Besides, it's fun to comment and the comments on the site are in cat laguage hehe. So, I don't know, I guess post your lolcats favs So here!
  25. I'll take the ribs but not the coleslaw. The person below me prefers Canadian bacon over pepporoni.
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