Jump to content

Search the Community

Showing results for tags 'life'.

  • Search By Tags

    Type tags separated by commas.
  • Search By Author

Content Type


Forums

  • Gay Authors Community
    • Clubs
    • The Lounge
    • Forum Games and Humor
    • Help
  • Authors and Stories
    • Promoted Author Discussion Forum
    • Stories Discussion Forum
    • Peeks and Prompts
  • Writing Forums
    • Writer's Circle
    • Speculative Fiction
    • Poetry
    • Anthologies
    • Editors
    • Copyrights
    • Writer Clubs
  • Comicality's Shack Clubhouse's Cafe
  • Headstall's Paddock's Topics
  • Mikiesboy's Drop in Centre's Topics
  • C James Fan Club's Topics
  • Mark Arbour Fan Club's Topics
  • Stellar's Fan Club's Topics
  • In Memorium's Topics

Categories

  • Fiction
  • FanFiction
  • Poetry
    • 2023- Exploration -Poetry
    • 2015 Poetry Anthology: Remember
    • 2014 Poetry Anthology: A Storm Is Coming
    • 2013 Poetry Anthology: Whispers in the Dark
    • 2012 Poetry Anthology: Cracks of Time
    • 2011 Poetry Anthology: Into the Unknown
  • Fiction - Gay Authors Anthologies
    • 2024 - Long May You Run
    • 2023 - Leap of Faith
    • 2022 - Anniversary
    • 2021 - Spring - On The Road
    • 2021 - Spring - Potluck 2021
    • 2021 - Fall - A Winding Path
    • 2021 - Fall - An Unconventional Gift
    • 2021 - Fall - Potluck
    • 2020 - Spring - Full Moon
    • 2020 - Spring - The Storm
    • 2020 - Fall - Bridges
    • 2020 - Fall - Shadows
    • 2019 - Spring - Into the Stars
    • 2019 - Spring - Snapped
    • 2019 - Fall - Fall From Grace
    • 2019 - Fall - Raincheck
    • 2018 - Spring - Now or Never
    • 2018 - Spring - Encounters
    • 2018 - Fall - Fight Back
    • 2018 - Fall - Good Intentions
    • 2017 - Spring - Unintended Consequences & Jagged Edges
    • 2017 - Fall - The Fallout and Secret Spaces
    • 2016 - Spring - Crossing the Line
    • 2016 - Summer - Wicked Games
    • 2016 - Fall - Blindsided / The Forgotten
    • 2016 - Winter - Rewind: Pre-2016 Themes
    • 2015 - Spring - Full Circle
    • 2015 - Summer - Road Trip
    • 2015 - Fall - Blurred Edges
    • 2015 - Winter - Blackout
    • 2014 - Spring - Nature's Wrath
    • 2014 - Summer - The Backup Plan
    • 2014 - Fall - Scars
    • 2014 - Winter - Chain Reaction
    • 2013 - Spring - A Night To Remember
    • 2013 - Summer - Roll the Dice
    • 2013 - Fall - Pandora's Box
    • 2013 - Winter - Recipe for Disaster
    • 2012 - Spring - It Wasn't Me
    • 2012 - Summer - Choices
    • 2012 - Fall - Friends & Enemies
    • 2012 - Winter - Desperate Ends
    • 2012 - Special - Mayan Tribute: End of the World
    • 2012 - Anniversary - Secrets Can Kill
    • 2011 - Spring - People Are Strange
    • 2011 - Summer - Walk on the Wild Side
    • 2011 - Fall - Legends
    • 2011 - Winter - Aftermath
    • 2010 - Spring - I'd Never Do That
    • 2010 - Summer - Out of this World
    • 2010 - Fall - No Going Back
    • 2010 - Winter - Haunted
    • 2009 - Spring - Oops
    • 2009 - Summer - Carpe Diem
    • 2009 - Fall - Something Unexpected
    • 2009 - Winter - Deceptions
    • 2008 - Annual - It's Just a Game, Right?
    • 2008 - Spring - Living in the Shadows
    • 2008 - Summer - Escape
    • 2008 - Fall - Anniversary
    • 2008 - Winter - Ghosts
    • 2007 - Annual - The Road Not Taken
    • 2007 - Spring - Fairy Tales
    • 2007 - Summer - Ending and Beginnings
    • 2007 - Fall - The Rainy Day
    • 2007 - Winter - Worth Fighting For
    • 2006 - Winter - Blizzard
    • 2006 - Fall - Halloween
    • 2006 - Summer - Going on Vacation
    • 2006 - Spring - Day of Silence
    • 2004 - Winter - Christmas
  • Fiction - Story Contests
    • 2017- Halloween
    • 2017- April Fool's
    • 2016 - Secret Admirer Short Story
    • 2015 - Secret Santa Short Story
    • 2011 - Novella Contest
    • 2009 - Novella Contest
  • Non-Fiction
    • Writing Tips
  • Letters
  • Screenplays
  • World Building

Blogs

  • Liukas Soli's World of Words
  • Daddydavek's Blog
  • Escaping for just a little while
  • Myr's Corner
  • Tropical Paradise
  • Fortune and Mens Eyes
  • Wildenberg’s Blog
  • Gay Authors News
  • Incubus Lover
  • harcallard's Blog
  • Memoirs of Forgiveness
  • The Fantastic Mr. Wilde
  • 2010
  • GREEN & CHAZ'S BLOG
  • Daddydavek's other Blog
  • A Demented Blog
  • No longer here
  • Toast
  • but don't forget about my bomb...
  • Pocket Full Of Stars
  • Val's Blog
  • harveybirdman's Blog
  • Wombat Bill's out takes
  • What are you currently reading?
  • Writing Unblocked
  • Daveys Blog
  • A Stone's Throw
  • Stephanie L Danielson's Blog
  • Vic's Blog
  • Grunge - Zen
  • Just a thought
  • seanriter's Blog
  • wildone's other Blog
  • My Daily Bread Crumbs
  • Wry Wrambling of a Rebellious Rimbaud
  • mr.chris' blog
  • Fir Pro Diet
  • Mark Arbour's Pride
  • James Matthews Blog
  • Viv's Blog
  • Qboi's Cogitations On Life
  • Words, Words and Words
  • Joe's Blog
  • Luc Rosen's Blog
  • Editor's Notebook
  • ;; " .MidnightSecret. " ;;
  • Z's Blog
  • mmike1969's Blog
  • scotty94's Blog
  • Mercys writing
  • Read my blog
  • huktaunluv's Blog
  • CF's Ramblings
  • Owls' hoot's
  • Ichthyic Insanity
  • My Only Escape
  • advocatus diaboli's Blog
  • Zuri's Blog
  • Thoughts And Ideas That I'm Happy To Share
  • Rise and Shine
  • Rising towards reinvention
  • Twilight Chronicles
  • thephoenix's Blog
  • Aditus' Road Blog
  • The River Song
  • Personal Blog
  • Bender's blog
  • Daddydavek's Other Other Blog
  • Libby Drew
  • jamessavik's Blog
  • Ron's Random Access
  • Stevie’s In Love
  • HearSay
  • TetRefine's Blog
  • mickey1952's Blog
  • The Bad Dog Chronicles
  • Sagar
  • Thorn's Edibles
  • Thoughts, Oddities and Utter Chaos
  • Insurgency's Blog
  • Blog Archive
  • Thicker Than Water
  • John Doe's Blog
  • paul.b's Blog
  • On The Outside, A Soundtrack
  • Xan's Blog
  • Chronicles of My Life
  • DynoReads' Blog
  • When I'm Stuck
  • Genderqueer Musings
  • Zot spot
  • Little Buddha's Thatched Hut
  • Arizona Legislature: Crazy, Stupid, Misguided...or all of the Above?
  • Caedus' Blog
  • ACEd it!
  • See My Secrets... See My Shame...
  • Caz Pedroso's Blog
  • Nephylim's Blog
  • quokka's Blog
  • Camy's Blog
  • arsimms' Blog
  • PrivateTim's Blog
  • Reset, Reload, Redo
  • Kurt's Corner
  • THIS IS NOT A BLOG
  • Cole Matthews' Dark and Dusty History Corner
  • trackstar195's Blog
  • Wolf At The Keyboard
  • vlista20's Blog
  • Esther Night
  • Life's a Conflagration
  • JohnAR's Blog
  • LouisHarris' Blog
  • I fell in love with my straight best friend & it destroyed our friendship
  • Luc's Dementia
  • Renee's News
  • I fell in love with my straight best friend & it destroyed our friendship
  • My blog
  • Douw's Blog
  • ColumbusGuy's Blog
  • BarricadeBoy's Blog
  • IBEX's Blog
  • Craftingmom's Blog
  • Marc's Blog
  • lostone's Blog
  • Hogan2015's Blog
  • old bob's Blog
  • lilansui's Blog
  • Musings from Valhalla
  • drak's sekrits
  • John B.'s Blog
  • The Wisdom of M
  • Albert Nothlit's Blog
  • Dabeagle's Blog
  • The Life and Times of a High School Dropout
  • Mann's Ramblings
  • Jay's Blog
  • The Jordanation
  • Alex Canton's Blog
  • JustynC's Blog
  • Love that always hurts
  • Drew's Slice of Pi
  • Bolg
  • Meh
  • Riding Thoughts
  • blogage
  • double meh
  • Ducks and Fucks
  • C James' Goatpen
  • wildone's Blog
  • TheBlackDragon's Blog
  • It's knotme
  • My Life - My Views
  • On Call
  • Blog of Cynus the Pan-Ace
  • Ninja Scroll
  • Fixing My Destiny
  • The Alphabet Game
  • skinnydragon's lunch
  • The Talon's Claw
  • peaceofthesouls' Blog
  • Brandon Smiling: The Soundtrack
  • nobody
  • Making of My Stories
  • Melancholy ... the broken staff of life
  • James Hiwatari's Blog
  • Victor's Wavering Weirdness
  • My Feelings
  • North to Alaska
  • TIMID
  • Nymphetamine Abuse
  • Edward's Blog
  • Random Thoughts of an Alpha Female
  • NightOwl88's Blog
  • Writing World
  • Put onto paper...
  • Freddyness' Blog
  • Looking for sense in the chaos of my thoughts
  • jeet01's Blog
  • The Persephone Chronicles
  • General Silliness
  • blog
  • KC's Blog
  • GaryKelly's Blog
  • Snowflake: The Soundtrack
  • RainbowPhoenixWI's Blog
  • MusicalAlchemy's Blog
  • Renee's Recipes
  • MusicalAlchemy's Blog
  • Hunter Thomson's Blog
  • lomax61's Blog
  • Mortal Morphology
  • Ieshwar's Blog
  • Andy's other Blog
  • Chatter from the Chatterbox
  • Cailen's Conclave
  • Cody Waustin's Blog
  • What once was is now lost.
  • In My Own Way
  • News of My World
  • Skywriting
  • hands in the air.
  • The Seashell: Soundtracks and Textures
  • CassieQ's Fractured Thoughts
  • Reflections
  • MHSebastian's Blog
  • Character Galleries
  • jamiiewhiite's Blog
  • Continuous Story
  • A.J.'s Blog
  • JC's Writing Blog
  • Glittery Place
  • Mark92's Blog
  • Mikiesboy's Blog
  • ValentineDavis21's Blog
  • Adagio: Music and Textures
  • V's blog
  • Day in the life of KibaNaru
  • S.L. Lewis Many Thoughts and Updates
  • Strife and Harmony
  • HB's Blog
  • Altimexis' Blog
  • Wayne's Updates
  • Just random entries
  • The Fall of Ast@r0th
  • nordmanni's Blog
  • journals of the poems
  • We're all mad here
  • clo's closet
  • Musings by MacGreg
  • Randomnicity (aka Jay's thoughts)
  • Billy Martin's Blog
  • Dodger the Blogger
  • Eric's Blog
  • This and That
  • The GA Law Blog
  • Nick Buchanan
  • Bloggie Blog Blog
  • D/s BDSM
  • Of Gratitude, Goofing Off, and Good Times
  • 365
  • The DL Diaries
  • Trebs' Blog
  • Labrador's Blog
  • Lit's Blog
  • What Scares You?
  • Claustrophile's Blog
  • Nobody likes you when you're 23.
  • Michael's Playroom
  • hh5's Blog
  • Percy's Blog
  • Mollyhousemouse's Stash
  • Life is worth an entry
  • podiumdavis' Blog
  • sean's scribbles
  • ryan jo's Blog
  • Moggy's Haunts
  • Menace Years
  • Jordan's Blog
  • Raphael Farmer's Blog
  • The CSU Stories
  • Prompt du jour
  • KingdombytheSea's Blog
  • Happy birthday and I'm sorry
  • The Yettie's Blog
  • The Secret Life Of Billy Chase: Music For A Teenage Dream
  • Gone From Daylight: The Music of the Darkness
  • Intellectual Circuit Boy Gone Seriously Crazy in Hollywood
  • Linxe Termoil's Blog
  • Le Musique de le Souvenir
  • Andy's Blog
  • AdamP's Blog
  • Methodwriter85's Blog
  • DragonFire's Cave
  • kjames' Blog
  • Blashi Blog Blog
  • Ravings of a VampireMystic
  • My kingdom by the sea
  • Rompecabezas
  • BB's Blog
  • vEETalk
  • The Saga Continues...
  • Ashi's Blog
  • The new kid in school music collection
  • Do the sins of a parent transfer to the child?
  • Once Upon a Time Prompts
  • According to Puppilull
  • Saint Peter
  • When Life Gives You Lemons Make Beef Stew (PRIVATE CLUB)
  • Dear G A
  • Comments, Musings, Ponderings, Thoughts, 'N' Thangs
  • blogage (PRIVATE)
  • Pride of Lions
  • Simply Sid
  • Loveless - The Jimmy LaPlane Experience
  • Rano's Blog
  • Goodbye my Love.
  • asamvav111's Rainbow Couch
  • Random Thought's
  • Musings From Me
  • joann414's Blog
  • THINK BEFORE YOU WRITE
  • Jesse 101 Soundtrack
  • Thoughts from the Faerie Fool
  • The Triple J Ranch
  • Marty's Musings
  • SimonOhNoes' Blog
  • No Comments
  • layla's Nightwhisperz
  • A Class By Himself: Derrick’s Mixtape
  • Colored in Gray
  • Blog
  • S H E L T ER
  • TheLifeOfRydo
  • In Chandler’s Hands
  • Left Without Words
  • Gabriel Caldwell
  • miker33's Blog
  • rick thoughts
  • A Point of View...
  • Ranting and raving
  • The Great Escape
  • Autumn Dream's Blog
  • Umbereth
  • Dolores Esteban's Blog
  • Stuff from Cia
  • The Occasional rantings and ravings of Anita
  • Bandage's Blog
  • Waiting Outside The Lines
  • Delusions in A minor
  • The Vault of Worlds
  • Spots of Ink
  • My One Truth
  • GA Blogs's GA News Queue
  • GA Blogs's WW Queue
  • GA Engagement's Blog Staging
  • Review Team's Blog Staging
  • Site Archive of Doom's Blogs to Review
  • Site Archive of Doom's Archived Blogs
  • Prompt Team's Prompt Blog Posts

Product Groups

  • Member Groups
  • Advertising, Story / eBook Promotion
  • Site Promotion Groups

Categories

  • General Site Help
  • Step-By-Step Guides
  • Site Membership
    • Account Questions
    • Profiles
    • Rules and Discipline
  • Author Related Questions
    • Story Archive Author Questions
    • Authors
    • Tips & Tricks
    • Anthology Questions
  • Reader Questions
  • Forums
  • Forum Apps
    • Store
    • Blog
    • Gallery
    • Calendar
  • Advertisers

Calendars


Find results in...

Find results that contain...


Date Created

  • Start

    End


Last Updated

  • Start

    End


Filter by number of...

Joined

  • Start

    End


Group


Favorite Genres


Topic Display Title


Interests


About Me


Website URL

  1. The statement that is the title is an opinion. To determine if a system is flawed, the purpose of the system must first be established. Once it's established, and only then, can the determination be made if it's functioning correctly or not. So, this prompts the question: What is the purpose of the education system? To educate, of course! But the deeper and real question is, to teach what? Currently, the education system roughly works like this: Elementary school teaches you basic English and math skills. There's also basic religion thrown in there, physical education and... nothing else comes to mind from what I can remember. Science, I guess, but even then, nothing ground breaking. Secondary (high) school teaches you the foundation for advanced math, science (atoms, weather, etc then specializes in chemistry, biology and physics), more religion and English. These four subjects are the major aspects of these four years. The anchor subjects, if you will. Post-secondary teaches you (more or less - more on this later) the tools you need to be qualified for your chosen career. Elementary school, fundamentally, from a curriculum perspective, is more or less acceptable. The basics are there: reading, writing, addition/subtraction/multiplication/division - basic things you need to know to function in society. However, the problem with elementary school is that they coddle their students. I'll take my brother, for example. Let's call him John (not his real name, taken after John Doe). John is lazy, and doesn't do homework. John is in absolutely zero danger of failing his grade. The policy is not to fail students, because it 'hurts their feelings' and affects their self-esteem. Intention is good, I don't dispute that, but it's unrealistic. As a result of this policy, My brother's grown up in a bubble; he has no sense of failure, it's not something he's experienced before. If he doesn't hand in an assignment, the teacher will say something like this: "It was due last week, John. You really need to hurry up and get this project in to me." "John, you're late with your assignment. Once you get to high school, this will be unacceptable." There's no real incentive to do anything and there's no real understanding of the consequences of inaction. The words of the teacher fall deaf onto John and his peers. They nod, say okay and they understand, and they think they do, but they don't. They've never fallen before. They've never been told that they've failed something and need to deal with the consequences. They've always been caught before they hit the ground, whether they realize it or not, and are living in a false sense of reality. As I'm sure the readers of this are aware, the world does not catch you. This is setting up young children to have unrealistic expectations of life and is setting them up for catastrophic failure. Secondary school is a disaster, almost a complete waste of time. For anyone over the age of twenty, someone that may rent, have a job, possibly owns a car or even have considering owning a house, I ask you this: What have you learned from high school that helped you with these things? Personally, my four years prepared me for nothing. There was a half-semester of Careers (which, really, was a joke) and a half-semester of Civics. Both, in theory, are life-essential courses, but the curriculum foundation makes them a joke. Half a semester is several weeks, that's not a lot of time. Besides Careers & Civics, what is taught that's essential? Geography is arguable, you have a general sense of the world's politics and a rough idea where all the countries are. Math sets you up for higher-level courses (more on that later). Science gives you a general idea of how atoms work and elements, which is nice, but not something you need to know on a daily basis. World Religion is arguably relevant, but even then, it's falls in the category of Geography, which is "nice to know, but not essential". What is essential in secondary school? I struggle to answer that question. Besides the aforementioned Careers & Civics, I can only think of the Automotive class, which at least teaches you basic vehicle maintenance. That's something that everyone should know. What about English? That course doesn't teach you anything, besides trying to get you to think a certain way. English teachers are notorious for their "my way or the highway" way of thinking in regards to symbolism. If you don't interpret the piece in the way that they feel is correct, then you're wrong. This is so counter productive, it boggles my mind. One of the goals of high school is supposed to be to teach you to think for yourself, but this is accomplishing the exact opposite. On top of that, it's with the topic of symbolism. Symbolism is one of the most opinionated and subjective topics in the entire English subject. Symbolism is open to interpretation, that's the whole point of it. Secondly, in regards to English, the courses fail in the very name. In my post secondary education, there was a mandatory (required) English remedial class. The professor explained that there was so many complaints by other professors as to the state of the assignments being submitted, that this course had to be created and made mandatory. The second half was productive - showing us how to write various types of reports (it was a technical campus, associated with a university), but the first half was basic grammar. Literally, basic grammar and usage. We'd have a week dedicated for each topic and a quiz at the end of the week, to determine if we were proficient enough with the topic to not be required to go to extra seminars. Such topics included: commas, semicolons and when to type out or spell numbers. These are all things that should be taught in secondary or even elementary school. I won't even get into the tuition cause and issues associated with this. Another course that stands out in my mind that I took in post secondary was pre-calculus. The second time I took the course (don't ask), it all became so clear. The random and dis-jointed Math courses in secondary school were all coming together as the foundation to calculus. That made the struggles through those four years seem justified, almost. But, really, how useful is pre-calculus? I can't say that I use it on a daily basis. It's not something that a normal person uses in their day to day lives, besides really cheesy pick-up lines. This, to me, is a sign that the post secondary system is failing at their job: to make us the best possible person we can be in our chosen field. However, it's not really their fault, as they're picking up the slack from secondary schools. Secondary school is where the blame lies, squarely. Not solely, but significantly. The system needs to change, or it will become like the financial system in recent years, it'll crash in on itself. Much like the financial system dramatically affected society, so will this. A generation of young people is being unleashed upon the world that has no idea how to do basic things: buy a car, rent a house, get a job, buy a house. I was planning on including an example of a ridiculous mortgage offer from a bank, to prove that I wouldn't know if it was a ridiculous offer or not, due to the failure of my education system. The sad thing, though, is that it occurred to me that I don't even know enough about how mortgages work (and how to get one) to be able to come up with an example. That's pretty sad, isn't it? Note: My experiences are based primarily on the Ontario provincial education system.
  2. I always end up feeling a little bit on the outside. It's nobody's fault but my own. I don't do well in large groups. I used to be the one who just sat in the corner. I'm better now, I can talk to people and partake in group activities, but I invariably keep everyone a little bit at arm's length. Not that I don't share or discuss, I'm quite open most of the time, just that I keep me, the person I am on the inside, the quirks of my personality, a little bit on the inside. So I keep my distance, emotionally, to everyone but maybe one or two people whom I end up clinging to for dear life. And I always find myself disappointed when it turns out that I'm not as important to them as they are to me, because they have other people in the group, while I don't. Thing is, it always feels, at first, like I've come into a group that's perfect and lovely and where I get along with everyone and everyone's so nice to me and we all love each other. Which is true, as far as it goes. But then some people get to know each other better, and they break off into smaller groups that sometimes overlap, and I just... don't. I stay mostly on the outside, and occasionally I grab hold of a person in one of the groups and drag them out to play with me for a bit, before they wander back into their pack again and I end up wondering, what did I do wrong? Why aren't I part of a pack? When did these groups form, and where was I? Then the bad thoughts come. Maybe they just don't want me to be part of their packs? Maybe they were just pretending, and I don't really belong here and when they're nice to me they're just being, well, nice? Nobody really likes me, they all just pretend so they won't hurt my feelings, and when I leave a room they're happy I'm gone because I was so annoying. I wonder what they say about me when I'm not there. I wonder if they say anything at all. Then I become sad and depressed, I spend more time away from the groups, more time inside myself, digging a hole, trying to figure out where I went wrong, thinking there must be something terribly wrong with me that makes it so people don't like me, even though, rationally, I already know, the answer's right in front of me, clear as day. I should have been there more. But I'm an introvert. That's not the same as shy. I used to be shy. I'm not really shy anymore. Maybe sometimes, a bit, in the beginning, but I get over it quickly. I don't feel anxious about being in the same room with other people, or about getting to know new people or talking to them or anything. In fact, give me a glass of wine and some good background music and nobody would believe I was ever crippled by social anxiety. I'm just an introvert. Which means that when I've spent some time with people I feel really tired and exhausted and want to be somewhere else for a while. I prefer smaller groups, conversation to raucous partying, nights in with a few friends to nights out with lots of them. So, I leave early. I go home, make a cup of tea, watch a movie or do some reading or writing or play the guitar for a bit. On-my-own activities. I even like it when Magpie works night shifts sometimes, because it means that I can have some just-me time where I don't have to pay too much attention to the needs of anyone else. I'm also very empathetic, so being near other people can be very exhausting because I constantly have to care so much. It's in my nature. And that's why I never belong. Because I'm there for a bit and then I sign off, and when I get back things have changed, people have formed packs, groups, clans, families and I'm left wanting to be a part of them with no way inside. I want to belong. I just don't know how...
  3. Today I attended the first funeral I've ever gone to. It was for my sister's father-in-law, who died after a two-year battle with liver cancer at the age of 55. It was a pretty surreal experience, seeing someone I'd talk to lying in a casket, dressed up like he was in life, and made to look like he was just sleeping. That's the first time I've ever gotten that close to a dead body, and man...something about that was just really strange. The memorial service was pretty beautiful, and the slideshow they showed of his life pretty much had me bailing, as well as when his brother and sister went up to talk, especially when the sister, "I'd never thought I'd be standing here so soon." It killed me when they talked about my sister Christine, and how her father-in-law loved her, and treated her as if she were her own. My sister started dating their son about seven years ago, and I just remember how easily and readily they have accepted her into their family, and for many years, my sister finally had the father figure that she didn't get to have growing up. I was grateful to him for proving my sister that. He and his wife were together for a total of 38 years- ever since meeting at University of Delaware party way back when, and you could just feel the tight bond he and his wife had together whenever we met with them. The whole day was long and sad, but I also felt privilieged to be there, celebrating the life of a genial, simple man who led a life full of love, which will be carried within their hearts of his wife, his children, and his grand-children. The best part of the speech was when the speaker joked about how my sister and her husband will have a baby boy someday, and name him after the father. (My sister does plan on giving her future son the middle name of her father-in-law.) Funerals, I've heard, are a day for reflection upon the life of those who have passed, and a day of reflection for your own life. It made me think about how and what I want to remembered for, when it comes for my time to go. I don't think I want to be buried, because I don't think I want my body six feet under, waxed up and made to resemble what I looked like alive. I want to be cremated, and I want my ashes to be spread over the Atlantic, because I think there's nothing that ever made me happier than laughing and dancing around the waves on a warm summer day. (And one cold fall day, back when I was 16.) Instead of a burial, I want a tree to be planted in my memory at a state park, with a plaque stating, "Jeremy Richard Smith. 1985- (Year of Death). Historian, Party Kid, Family Guy, Basketcase, and Good Friend, all rolled into one. We wouldn't have had him any other way." I want lots of laughing and dancing when people remember me. I don't want any crying- I want people to boogying down on the dance floor to songs I'd always loved to dance to, like "(Apache) Jump On It' and "Flashlight" by Parliament. I want silly, crazy stories told by family about the crazy, precocious toddler I was. And I want my high school and college budies to tell the funny, crazy stuff I did as a teenager and a twentysomething, always with a goofy grin on his face. I want to be remembered as a good guy, who was nice and had a big heart. Maybe a bit of an annoying pain-in-the-ass sometimes, but someone you knew had your back if and when you needed it. I want to be remembered as a guy who loved to laugh, who loved to do the Molly Ringwald Breakfast Club dance to 80's music, and who loved the color of the fall leaves and the way the sunset looked over the beach and Atlantic Ocean. Most of all, I just want to be remembered as someone that had a positive impact on you, and someone you were better for having known. I think that's the most any of us can ask for, and that's something I try and work on by doing what I can to treat people how I want to be treated, and just...caring. So those are my thoughts after a funeral. Anyone wanna share theirs?
  4. I just spent the day at my alma matter- we had an Alumni Lunch, catered by Capriottis. (It's a chain sub shop with really good sandwhiches.) It was pretty fun- reliving the good ol' days when I was just a kid and my biggest worries were whether or not I could get away with sneaking out of the boring assemblies without getting caught. After the luncheon I just sorta hung out with a few fellow alumni in the front lobby of the school, singing songs and laughing as we reminisced about times gone by and looking at those high school kids, realizing just how long it's been since we were them. Five years. Five freakin' years. (Okay, four and a half, really, but still.) Still can't believe how fast all those years went by- from auditioning to get into that high school all the way back in January '01 as an 8th grader who just fell in love with that school, to those four precious years of high school that went by much too fast, and all those enusing years since I stepped off of the stage as a newly crowned alumni, 19 years old and thinking that nineteen would be forever. Five years now separate me from that boy. Crazy to think that. Last year, I remarked to one of the teachers, "Did I get old, or are these high school kids getting younger?" She replied, "You got old. That's how it always works." And she's right- it seems every year, those 16-year olds just look more and more like babies to me. But I guess it's just me being a decade away from sixteen. Oh, well. I still have those precious memories of youth, and what it feel like to be a kid with his whole life ahead of him where everything was just full of possiblilites and new experiences. And it's not like it's bad being older- I can legally drink now, my mother can't order me to a curfew, and I don't have those vacilitating, turmultuous moods that come with being an angsty teenager. Still, there's just something about growing up...that isn't half as fun as growing up. Anyways, here's a song for the mood I am in. (The rumination of this post completely justifes me breaking the Monday music rules, I think.) "These are the best days of our lives"...man. In a way, it is true. Because your heart is on your sleeve when you are young...the joys and the triumphs and the laughs...they're all felt so much more deeply, because your emotions are closer to the surface as a teenager. Not that you can't feel joy and all that as you get older...but...it's just not quite the same, I think. That's why I think so many authors write about coming-of-age, because that universial experience that we all go through offer such a rich treasure trove of emotions that can really fuel a story. Is anyone hitting up a reunion anytime soon?
  5. I got the heebie jeebies the other day when I was playing the game Farmville yesterday, and I got a notification that B.P. had done something to help my farm. B.P. died back around August, an apparent suicide. He was only 22. After that, his father took over the page, giving us updates on stuff like the funeral. Then he started sending us stories about Brian. Now he's apparently using his son's facebook page regularly enough that he's playing Farmville under the name of his dead son. I understand the father is grieving, and maybe this is his way of dealing with it, but god, this just creeps me out so much. Am I wrong for feeling like there's something wrong about this? It'd be one thing if the father just left the page up as a memorial, but I've gotten a birthday notification, status updates, and now Farmville help from B.P., who died back during the summer, and it's really unsettling. I'm thinking about deleting him from my profile, but I don't know if that would be a nice thing to do. Still, I just feel really uncomfortable about this. UPDATE: I wound up deleting the profile from my friends page in October. When it had reached over a year, I just couldn't take the weirdness of it anymore. It's not my friend Brian's page anymore- it's his dad's.
  6. And all that jazz. Hope everyone is happy this Christmas Eve day. As for me, I'm doing good. I had my best semester GPA at UD- getting a 2.975- almost a 3.0! I had two As in my 300-level history class, then a B- in geology and a C- in Italian. I'm satisfied with how I did this semester. My 2.975 brings my accumulative GPA from a 2.42 to a 2.53, which makes me feel good to finally have my GPA over the 2.5 line. Now if I can just get it to 2.66, I'll be good because that takes me into the B- range. I'm doing winter session, if I can get the private loan, so let's hope. And then there's my history GPA, which went from a 2.825 to a 3.1. Pretty happy about that- because it now means I'm eligilbe to apply to schools like Salisbury University. I'm also beginning the grad school application process. I'm going to be realistic- I'm not getting into William and Mary with my grades, but there are some schools I could get into. The plan is to go for whatever grad school will take me, do well there, and then go on to a a really good school for the PhD. If I don't get into grad school, I'll change my graduate date to 2011 and take up a political science minor.
  7. You meet someone and you're awestruck by them. Here's how I think it can go- the first is that you meet the person, and you think they "hang the moon", to use one of Adam's phrases. You're blinded to their faults in that initial rush of attraction, but as you get to know them, you realize that something's off, and they're not as perfect for you as you thought they were. It could turn out they're downright horrible people with an initial charm (aka Neal in ISWB), or it could just turn out they are just not-so-good guys who's faults outweigh their positives, and thus aren't good for you, aka Kevin for John in Frat Memoirs. The second way it can go is that you meet the person, you like them alot, and you get on really good with each other. The initial attraction works well- and you find many good qualities about the person that keeps you into it. But then that spark fades- and you realize you've made a really good friend, but not a lover, aka Bryan in It Started with Brian. Then the third one- everything aligns right...you click with that person on a deep level, and you're aware of their faults but love them anyway- and you feel a passion for them...then that is the sort of real, deep love that can happen from an intitial infatuated attraction, aka Alex and Zach. There's this tv sitcom, How I Met Your Mother, that details the courting game that we all go through during our 20's(although now Ted's in his early 30's). There was this great episode where the protagonist realizes that he dated this one girl on a blind date seven years ago, and they spend the night recreating their past date to figure out why they didn't work out. They have a lot of fun, and think, "Wow, we should've just gotten together then...would have saved us all this dating." But then they realize that while they like each other a lot- it just wouldn't have worked...because she's a cat lover who loves to talk about her cats, and he's a resturant snob who loves to make fun of the menus. And it's those flaws they each admit to possessing- it's those flaws that they want their future partner in life not to just tolerate, but to actually...like. And find endearing. That's something I want for myself. I want a guy who will actually like the random and crazy stuff that I always say- not just roll his eyes and go, "Oh, god, Jeremy's talking about the Eighties again!", but go, "Aww, Jeremy and his crazy fetish for the 80's. How cute." I want a guy who will like me the way I am, and not expect me to change or be "better" for him. To me, and what seemed to be the point of this episode- is that so many people in an effort to "hook" someone censor the less-desirable and somewhat annoying quirks they have wind up in relationships that are wrong for them, because their partner doesn't really know all of them because they hide part of themselves to look more attractive. To be able to love someone- ALL of that someone, flaws and all- is an element of real love, and what separates it from initial infatuation. Because when you're infatuated, as Jack is saying, you're sorta blind to the flaws the other person possesses. But that infatuation can give way and grow into love when you get to know the person, get to know their qualities as well as their flaws...and basically be able to go, "So what? You're still my guy." But that will never happen if you just sit around and pine for the guy from afar, and have him on this pedestal. I've had a lot of crushes in my life, and unfortunately, none of them have turned into a boyfriend for me. I remain hopeful, though. And I've made some good friends along the way as well. I feel like as I keep sight of what I want and need in a relationship...then...when it does happen, I'll be ready and won't screw it up.
  8. This was a really interesting year. Last year, just right before Christmas, I told my sister that she might not have a sister-in-law but a brother-in law... After Christmas I told my Mum as well. Since then the number of people I came out to expanded to nice round 10. These people form sort of my "inner circle", some gyrate closer to me, some further, but they are nevertheless my close friends. How was a year out? I tried to come with one adjective - the most appropriate would be "eye-opening". I slightly touched the local gay "pop-culture", the "meat market", I even spent a night in a hotel owned by gays and I saw their darkroom . I found out that there are many gays in the city, and I got to realize that they are all the same as "straight" people. Maybe more vain. But I can't be so negative. Everyone knows that I met here the love of my life, my SUPERLATIVE boyfriend about whom I tend to brag endlessly, so I have to control myself. Moreover, he's coming over tomorrow and he will be mine for almost two weeks! That's almost an eternity in a long-distance relationship. Apart of my personal life, I also found my first real job, considered quitting my Ph.D. and then reconsidered, met new people and expanded my horizons towards economy and accounting and I already have plans for future development... shortly it was not only one year out, but also one year in the middle of work, school, travel and LOVE I wish all of you who read this blog MERRY CHRISTMAS and a happy, successful, loving and placid new year 2011. Hopefully the new decade will bring us more happiness than the last one.
  9. So I'm five and twenty now. Crazy, huh? When I was seventeen, I used to look at 25-year olds and think of them as wise sages who were so full of life experiences from which I could draw important life lessons from. Now *I'm* the 25-year old, and it just feels weird. I was a guy who thought 19 would be forever, and now I'm halfway through my twenties. This night a year ago, I was getting drunk with my buddy Steve at my favorite bar. Now I'll be spending this birthday pretty much just writing a paper for a class. I'll do the real celebration this weekend plus a family dinner when I get home for Christmas, I think, but still...why the hell did my birthday have to fall on a Tuesday? *pouts* 24 was a pretty good year. I had some great memories....the last semester of senior year had some great memories. The final Skidfest felt like closure for me. Hanging out with Steve at Buffalo Wild Wings, Deer Park, and La Tonaltecca. Then chilling at Dickinson. Vic's graduation party also brought some closure. Italian with Justin. The fun of my public history senior seminar and the internship at Hagley. My seminar with Heyrman. Graduation. My end-of-summer hangout with Steve, Justin, and Tony at Cleveland Ave. Getting into grad school, and starting anew. The new challenges and the new friends and new situations in a new place...not all good, but definitely not all bad. I took a leap of faith after graduation and picked going to this school...and so far, it's worked out pretty well. So now...I just look forward to seeing how 25 rolls out.
  10. I came this article in the News Journal today. It's about the sentencing of a former UD student, who got put in jail for 10 years for his assault on a WVU student named Ryan Diviney. The article focuses on Ryan's dad, Ken, who has devoted his life to taking care of his now-comatose son.Former UD student gets 10 years in VA assualt. I thought I'd post this up and all that because I was just reading it, and I was so incredibly moved by the father. He's put aside his entire life- everything- so he can take care of his vegetative son. Mr. Diviney refuses to give up on him despite all logic dictating that he's fighting a losing battle, because it's his son and that is the power of his love for his son. It's amazing to think how strong the bond between father and son can be, especially if you've never experienced it for yourself. I'm pretty stressed- I'm sure most of us are- being this time of year and all...but reading this article made step back a little and think...don't sweat the small stuff. I'm lucky that I'm alive, I'm lucky that my brain is still functional, and I'm lucky that I'm sitting in my dorm stressing out over how to get the comparative book review done than sleeping in a vegetative state on a hospital bed completely missing out on life.
  11. I'll be working for Habitat for Humanity for spring break '11 in Winter Haven, Florida. We get a pit stop in Atlanta, and we also get that Friday off to go to Daytona Beach. No alcohol, which is a bummer, but overall I'm really excited. And this should go great on my CV. I have never been to Florida in my life, so I'm really excited!
  12. Skidfest, the local charity rock event that has been held every semester in a block of row homes known as Skid Row since 1990, has been denied a permit because of the university bookstore construction going on behind it. I knew this was going to happen as soon as I realized that the construction would take up the two parking lots that surrounded Skid, because it would severely limit access to the event. And you could feel it at the last one that the end was near when the cops closed the event down early because some stupid kid fell off a railing and had to be taken away in an ambulance. This sucks. I went to my first Skidfest when I was a 17-year old reservist townie. I made some great memories there- like when I smoked sage with my buddy Grant while some weird drunken chick kept trying to hit on me, the time I literally got up on a soap box and gave a speech about medicinal marijuana, the time I puked all over my arm because I tried to chug Hurricane, the time I got really drunk and then walked over to the academic building across to Pearson Hall to watch a play...just all those wonderful, precious memories that I owe to this place. The event was more than just a bunch of drunken, stoned kids slobbering over themselves while garage bands played. It was a dedicated charity event in which members of the community-students, alumni, townies- all came together for a cause. It lasted for twenty years, and it became something of an institution not just with the students of University of Delaware, but within the city of Newark. It will be missed, and I hope it can indeed come back in some other kind of fun. The University, in its obsession with obtaining Public Ivy League status, has done whatever they can to kill the party scene over the last 10 years. In doing so they've also killed the local music scene. What they fail to grasp is that it's memories like going to places like , or - those are the kinds of memories that make their average student feel a fondness for the university and turn them into alumni that want to donate. But hey, I guess they're getting what they wanted in shutting down something that was just too great and too wonderful to be allowed to continue.
  13. I had a bit of a faux-paus today where I cracked some joke that I wouldn't let up on, and the professor took me aside and told me that I might not be picking up on the social cues that I was ticking off some of the kids in the class. I felt pretty embarrassed, although it reiterated to me what a great professor I have. It just reminded me that social cues and graces just are never going to be second-nature to me, and that I really have to remember when I should let my guard down and just free-flow or when I should perhaps think about what I'm saying before I say it. She also reminded me that I'm in a different area, and that some things that might be joked about casually where I'm from aren't taken so nonchalantly here. The other dimension to this is that I've been feeling tension with some of the people in my department, and it has been bothering me. There's this dude. I'll call him "Eric". Eric is this arrogant ass who, on the account of the fact that he's somewhat cute and cocky, has several of the girls in our department hanging on to his every word. He doesn't like me, and I've been feeling tension with the guy since week 1. He's got this wingmen, this girl who never leaves his side and likes to snub me right along with him. And they, and to a lesser extent their developing clique, have just made me feel very uncomfortable. I've been snubbed many times before, but experiencing this as a 24-year in the grad school setting just has me flabbergasted. I wasn't expecting to run into that kind of mentality here, and it's left me a little disjointed. I think this, combined with the gentle lashing I got from the professor, really got me down. So tonight after class I just sorta went out with my lone friend there, got drunk, and sang LFO's "Summer Girls" to forget about life for awhile. (As fate would have it, my job is shifting around hours and I don't have the Tuesday shift I thought I had.) I won't make a habit out of Monday Night Drinking, but it really helped to talk my friend and to talk to my roommate. They both basically just said to me, "Don't let the assholes bother you, just continue being you but take a second to think about whether a joke you might crack might rub people the wrong way." Justin, my roomate, was basically like, "JR, you're fine. You're doing your work. You're getting assignments done. You've balancing in your 9-hour job, and you've got the resident hall stuff you're doing. You're making friends. Don't let the few assholes get you down." He's definitely right. It was good to just talk this all out, though- one of the things I learned from life is that not talking about my problems and letting things build- that causes bigger problems in the end. I will take up my advisor/professor's invitation to talk at some point, and just...keep on keeping on, I guess.
  14. So Sister #3 told Sister #1 that I got money from our mother. I got an extremely nasty voicemail from my sister about how I need to stop accepting money from Mom, because I'm too old to do so and I need to support myself. You would think she would have a point, except 1.) the only reason I need money from Mom at all is because my mom used my credit cards for things like keeping on the utilities- nearly everything on my card comes from that, it's why I have to pay 300 dollars a month, and that is why my mom sends me money to pay for it, and 2.) my sister who sent me that nasty voicemail was living with us for very little money when she was bouncing between jobs at the age of 24 to 26. She has no room to speak at all. Sister #3 complains about the power being cut off at the house, but that sure didn't seem to stop her from going on multiple trips to Syracuse, Washington State, and the Outerbanks while not giving any kind of rent money to Mom. And it's somehow my fault that the power got cut off at the house, because of 75 dollars my mom sent to me. Right. I am starting to think that getting away from home for grad school instead of staying close by is the best decision I've made in my life.
  15. Sometimes the best thing to do is face your fear head-on. I've been reading online a bit, about people who are or have failed out of graduate school. What I realize is that I'm not alone at all about feeling scared about failing, or realizing that I went into this process completely blind and uncomprehending about the pitfalls and troubles I could face. There's this interesting site by a woman who left her PhD program four years in. I thought it was pretty interesting: Straight Talk About Graduate School It's good for me to read about a woman who lived through my greatest fear- not succeeding in graduate school- and got through to the other side. This woman was a model student in college- she graduated with a 3.97, and well-loved by faculty. If she could fail, it can happen to anyone- and on the flip side...I remember reading about a guy who graduated college with a 2-something like I did and wound up a tenured faculty member. It really does seem like it's a combination of the individual and the environment they end up in. From her story and from a bit of others....here's what I'm taking to heart, and will keep reminding myself as I go through this experience, for however long it may be. It could be less than one semester or it could be seven years...and I'll keep this all in mind. 1. If I fail, that means that I'm not suited for an academic life. It does not mean I'm stupid or I'm not a talented person. It means I wasn't a right fit. I want a 4.0, and I'll go after it the best I can. If I wind up with a C in all my classes and am kicked out, I will not take that as a mark of me being unable to hold an intelligent conversation or that I have nothing to offer the world because I didn't make it in the academic one. 2. I will not let myself get entirely consumed by academia. I will work my hardest, but I won't make it my entire life. I will try to balance other interests I have- having friends, bonding with family, doing activities like acting, and maybe even occasionally having a beer at the bar. I will not let myself feel isolated, or feel that if I fail this M.A. attempt, I don't have anything else in my life. That could lead to a very dark road with some very dark consequences, and I refuse to go down that. 3. I will continually engage myself into activities that remind me why I fell in love with history, such as going to living history museums and watching re-enactments. I will read or watch something about periods of history that I'm not covering in class for my own personal enjoyment when I have time to spare. There's a Jimmy Stewart museum here, and I'm definitely going to visit it when I get the chance. 4. I will accept that sometimes life takes you in other directions, and what I want at the age of 24 might be entirely different in two years. 5. I will create an escape plan for myself if graduate school does not work out. I'll audit some computer classes, maybe learn about how to temp and work in an office. If I flunk out, I will take community college courses back home and learn some different kinds of trade. Here's a quote from the site above that explains why you need a back-up plan, and it was pretty enlightening: [*]Feeling that you can't leave makes you an easy target for abuse, because the consequences of standing up for yourself could be being forced out.[*]Feeling trapped robs you of perspective on your situation, leaving you with an all-or-nothing, total-success-or-total-failure mindset that is unhealthy and unsound.[*]Feeling trapped adds stress to every decision you make, because when you feel you have nowhere to go, you don't dare make a decision that could force you to leave or get you kicked out. Even relatively minor decisions can carry heavy costs
  16. Okay, so I'm starting school over in western PA at this school called IUP, which is 5 hours away from home. It's pretty far out. I'm not taking my car, so it's not going to be the easiest thing to get a ride to and back. I recently found out that close to my hometown, and at my undergrad school, UD, there are plans to have Jason Mraz perform on September 28th, which is Tuesday. If I skip out on Monday and Tuesday classes, I could prolly swing going to the concert. So herein lies the dilemna. I REALLY want to see Jason Mraz. Like, I love that guy's music. But I also realize that if I'm serious about grad school, it might not be in my best interest to miss two days of school. Do you think if I notified my professors ahead of time that I was going to be back down home, and got the assignments and made sure I did them...it would make everything okay for me to miss school for a truly rewarding, one-in-lifetime cultural experience? *looks at Mark Arbour and Sharon with a hopeful puppy dog face* Hey, I bet you two would think this is a great idea, right? Mark, you would totally encourage me to go, right?
  17. My whole family is bitching at me right now because I'm applying to this school called Millersville Univeristy, which is, at an hour and a half away, 'too far' for me to go, and 'isn't a good school'. They keep bitching at me to apply to a closer school in the area, and look at closer area schools, which I have! They are either too good for me to get into, or they don't have my program. Then they bitch about me about how I need to take educational courses if I'm going to be a community college professor- which isn't even true, because I've asked professors time and time again. They tell me I should apply to my undergad school, like there's a chance in hell I'm going to get in with a 2.64 GPA. They don't seem to understand that I don't have a whole hell lot of options. Ugh, ugh, and ugh.
  18. Over at Adam Phillip's Yahoo group, I made a comment about how I felt a bit dirty for having sexual thoughts about Taylor Lautner, because he's all of 18 and that feels wrong to me somehow. Adam said that there's absolutely nothing wrong with having those kinds of thoughts about a young dude, because it's not actually a child I'm lusting over- it's a young man who's in terrific shape, and I shouldn't feel like there's anything about having salacious thoughts about the guy just because he's a good deal younger than I am. And he's got a point, and I was wondering why it had been bothering me so much whenever I looked at an 18-year old guy, thought he was hot, and then felt, "God, you are such a dirty old man, Jeremy!" And I came to this conclusion- it's weird for me, because 18-year olds remind me that I'm no spring chicken anymore, and it makes me question if I'm reacting that way to them because I want to re-live my youth. It used to be that I could look at a cute 18-year old boy, and think, "Maybe I should ask him out", because at the time, I was 18 or 19 years old, and I was age-appropriate. Nowaways, as I'm moving in my mid-20's, I generally find that most of the guys that I'm really attracted to are in their early 20's or mid-20's, because most 19-year old boys look just like that to me- boys, not men. But occasionally, such as in the case of Taylor Lautner, I just think, "Wow, he's really hot and gorgeous!", and then there comes that, "Oh wait, I shouldn't hit on the dude, because I'm way too freaking old for him." It's strange how life moves so fast- one day I was in high school homeroom talking about the merits of the O.C., and now I'm facing the end of college and I'm no longer really and truly young anymore. My youth is almost behind me, and it's a disconcerting thought. Am I mourning my youth? I guess I am, but in another way, I'm really not. I loved certain aspects of my youth- I loved driving around with friends late at night while we searched for post-drinking food, I loved the wild excitement of going to the first college parties with a set of eyes full of innocent, wide-eyed wonder at all these new experiences, and I loved the quiet, heart-to-heart moments I had with friends as we searched our way through post-adolescence. I have all these memories, and I lived through it, and those memories can't be taken away from me. I don't know if it's really that I would go back and re-live my youth...I guess it's just...I don't know what it'll be like to finally be out of that stage of my life. I've prolonged my days of college youth much longer than I should have. Now that it's finally here- the end is finally here- I'm hestitating before I make that finally plunge into that other stage of life- adulthood. My friend Steve has been getting on me about how I need to stop being so obsessed with youth- and he's right about that. I think it's just that I've seen my youth as being the one and only thing I've ever had going for me...that now that it's gone, I don't know what I have anymore. But I think I can find it. I hope I can find it. What I do know for sure is that I can't just wallow around and mourn my lost youth- because no amount of that is going to bring it back. And to be honest, I'm not really sure I want to go back to my youth again, either. What I do need is to just become more comfortable within a new role that's developing for me as I leave my youth behind. I just hope I get there. I know I'll get there.
  19. Last week was pure hell. Anyone who has ever lost a beloved furbaby you have my sincerest condolences. I lost my little girl last Tuesday and I miss her terribly. She was over 18, had end stage kidney disease, and a couple new health items that cropped up. We did all we could to save her, but it was too late. She awaits us over Rainbow Bridge now. Luckily, I have a tuxedo kitty too and he is not quite 14 yet. Diabetic, but in good health otherwise. He's been my love and light. He loves to cuddle and purr as soon as I touch him. Cats are definitely one of the three greatest loves of my world. After such a loss, I took a few days to recoup and regroup and cope with how quiet the house is, and it feels emptier without my six-lb calico always vying for attention. I luckily, found solace in writing again. Anyone who's a regular sees that I've been posting a LOT more and trying really to get involved. I have no day job, and hubby works a lot, so it's just me and tux baby all day. My love for words, men in love (or falling) and trying to be social are winning out over the choice to be a hermit or grieve forever. I have dealt with the fact girl kitty is gone, but I still kiss her urn and picture every morning and night. She's never really gone...just waiting.
  20. Wow...I cannot believe my last entry was eons ago! My life has taken some serious twists n turns...I got out of a loooooooong marriage in 2015, found love and married again just last October I moved to a new state, new home, with my new man, lost my job (twice) and am once again on God's good humor. LOL The one huge plus is that my stress level (not over jobs) but everything else is greatly diminished...so I can focus on life again and writing. So...a question! You know you love questions...right? Do you want to see more of stuff I wrote as a teenager (and converting it to a lil more modern) OR new stuff that I create in my lil head? Great to be back here again, I loved this site and the fabulous readers, authors, and helpful advice I get every single day.
  21. in life, there are unintended consequences. today was full of those for me. getting ready to leave the house just before noon, i asked Phil if He'd like to go to the store with me, as i had to go to WalMart for this week's shopping, and i know He enjoys wandering around there. miracle of miracles, He said yes. He normally passes as the meandering, slow crowds try His patience. unintended consequence number one, had to go to a pawn shop to look at a thing, some kind of tool. unintended consequence number two, He had His own agenda. a trip to Costco to take advantage of a new benefit from the city. now, our town is too small for a Costco, so we had to go 15 miles up the highway to get there. so, we got there, listened to the spiel, got the cards, looked around liked what we saw, and grabbed a bite at the snack bar. unintended consequence three, we weren't done! ran back to Georgetown to pick up Number One from work, then back across town to the Costco to shop, then back to our town to get Number 2 and Daughter from the library. unintended consequence number four, with the Christmas Stroll yesterday and today's adventures, none of the laundry got done. so while dinner is being cooked, laundry has been started. on the positive side of this whole adventure, since Phil was there, and i was not in charge (as i usually am when shopping keeping in mind the given budget) i was able to conquer my anxiety regarding the crowds and the final total at the cash register. i was talking to a friend who has anxiety in just shopping for two. he said that shopping for 5 (my little army) would give him palpitations! i admitted that oftentimes, i do get those. so, i made it. i did very well, received a "Good Girl" for my efforts, and just now a thank you and a kiss. i'm pooped, but i am a happy girl.
  22. This has been a long, weird week. Am i glad it's over? Well that's a loaded question. Last Monday the process of getting new flooring started. See, the landlady is having tile floors installed. Phil & the boys were shifting furniture around the house each day. It's an enormous mess & stressful for me to be in such a chaotic environment. i have an online class i'm taking & with the mess at home i've had to find other places to do that. Luckily, we have a great coffee shop in town that has fast WiFi. At work, there is more change. Two of my favorite co-workers are leaving. One is retiring. i am so happy for him, but dread losing him as a teammate. The other one was poached by one of my best clients. He's been with us since he graduated from University. He was a manager and we have no one internally who can take on that role. We'll manage of course, but he was a big part of our recent successes. So, Friday was emotional to say the least. The tiling crew, two guys, finished late Saturday afternoon. We worked until 8 or 9 putting things away. For the first time since Monday night, everyone was in their own beds. Today, i went thru a box of Swiffer dusters cleaning. There is dust everywhere! i have swept the floors and lightly mopped them to get grout residue off them. We are grateful to have the landlady we do, & the floors look nice. But it took a toll on all of us. Yesterday would have been my nephew's 21st birthday. i called my brother to tell him they were in my thoughts. it was a hard conversation. What do you say in those situations? Lastly, today is the anniversary of my mom's passing. i have missed her. much more than i thought i would. i talked to my dad & my sister today. They both sounded rough. For the first time in a long time, i wanted to be with my sister. So, yeah. A weird week. As for being glad it's over, i think i am. thanks for reading
  23. Wow, how the time flies. It's hard to believe that Baby J is just under 2 months shy of celebrating his first birthday! He is so active and is crawling, pulling himself up, and walking along the couch (or anywhere else as long as he has something or someone to hold onto!) We have baby gates all over the house, and so far they seem to be keeping the little guy mostly contained. And we now adapt whatever we're having for meals so that the little man can eat it too, with his 4 little teeth! Being a new mom is more than I ever expected, and so worth it. Especially when he gives me his big grin, or like the other night when I wasn't feeling good and Baby J just snuggled with me. Or he says mama or dada (the very occasional mommy and daddy). Of course, he has his grumpy boy moments, but they're usually only when he's tired or not feeling well. Luckily major meltdowns are few and far between. He's even been on his first major roadtrip. 17 Hour drive (one way) to meet his uncle, aunt, and cousins (we broke it up into 3 shorter days rather than 2 long ones to make it easier on him). Of course, everyone loved him, but Baby J really took to my brother. If my brother was home, Baby J was on his lap, or otherwise in the very near vicinity. As you can probably tell, life has been busy. We're lucky that Baby J hasnt really been sick much, primarily only having the flu at one point and a short lasting stomach bug another one. I've been sick a little more, but D has been great about helping out around the house, especially when I'm not at my best. We may have finally got a few answers to everything that has been going on with me. Vitamin D deficiency counts for a lot of my issues, and most of what isnt caused by that are most likely caused by a stomach/esophagus sphincter hernia. Which basically means that the above named sphincter, that connects the esophogus and stomach, is loose and allows for reocurring reflux. Not great news, but it's mostly controllable with diet and reflux meds (though I'm not on a daily med for it at this point). Surgery isnt suggested to fix the issue unless it gets much worse than it is, as it would require a major surgery. So that's what's been going on here. Not much writing going on, as I simply cant seem to find the time and or ambition, but hopefully that will return in time. There have definitely been some ups and downs, but overall I cant complain too much. Hopefully I'll be able to return to GA on a more full time basis in the near future (is that a little optimistic considering Baby J is nearly a toddler?) But I have a great team to help with my GA duties, and I owe a huge thank you to all of them! Not going to name names, just in case I forget one, but Thank you, all of the help is greatly appreciated! Until next time! Cheers Renee
  24. Mikiesboy

    Doors

    ******* WARNING ******* Do not read if you are offended or triggered by references to suicide. I know I am dreaming as I lay in this fog. Sounds fade in and out, echoing as I drift away to other places and lands. I know also time is fleeting and there is very little future ahead of me. This I know to be true. Some truths are self-evident. This is one of those truths. We can deny it, pretend otherwise, wish, rail, scream and beg, but time does not wait. It marches forward and we can think we slow it, but that’s a fool’s errand. Life. We say each is worth living. But is that a truth? No. For many it is not. For too many, life is a slog, a drag to live in poverty and misery. Or if not, perhaps in the hell only mental illness can make. It can be a place of such horror and pain, suicide is a welcoming door. That door has tempted me in the past and still does today. Doctors offer treatment in the form of pills and talk. Often it works for short periods. But lately … lately the pull of that door has become stronger. Lately, I’ve found my hand upon the doorknob. The desire to turn it and step over the threshold is strong and getting stronger. I don’t feel this always. There are times when life is good. Where I see worth in the day and in others. There are projects to finish and to start. But I wonder why? Why do this? What does it matter? The sands of time will cover all and my time here will mean nothing. Sooner than later there will be nothing left of me and those who knew me will disappear also. And yet we strive. I can only suppose it keeps us from thinking about what is to come. While I appreciate you deciding to read this, but there is no need to comment on it.
  25. SP and I have had several conversations, and a couple have circled back to becoming partners but maintaining our individuality. Just ran across this quote from Kahil Gibran from The Prophet [if you've never read this, do so]:
×
×
  • Create New...

Important Information

Our Privacy Policy can be found here: Privacy Policy. We have placed cookies on your device to help make this website better. You can adjust your cookie settings, otherwise we'll assume you're okay to continue..