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  1. And I am … weary that is. There are times I just want peace, selfishly for myself. Fighting tim's depression, mood swings and self-loathing, wears me out, it tires me and breaks my heart. And today when I bent to pick up his ART meds, he no longer wants to take … today I wondered why I continue. That scared me, that question, because never before have I asked it. Valentine's Day is the worst day of the year, for him and so for me. It brings memories to my sweet husband, things, time and people that are lost to him. The lack, leaves holes and dark empty spaces no one and nothing can fill. I beg him to take his meds, remind him today is only one day and it will pass … that tomorrow will be a better day. he takes them, but I can see the disappointment in his eyes as that lie passes my lips. And I wonder for how much longer I can do this? How much longer will he bear what he does before he chooses to stop his meds? And I give myself a shake and go to shower. It's Friday and we have an appointment to keep.
  2. Now, I generally highly avoid talk of politics, racism, or religion... HOWEVER... Let's be real here. China and India have MORE than 1 billion people each in their respective countries, dwarfing just about all other countries. English is third, Spanish is second in languages spoken worldwide, and Chinese is FIRST. In the US, Caucasians are becoming the minority. They are being vastly outnumbered by those of Hispanic and African lineage. WHY is that such a scary thing when most of the children are mixed anyway? When we ALL are technically mixed down the line, anyway??? If we weren't, we would all have quite the medical and mental conditions, wouldn't we? I mean, inbreeding's always been a great risk. I just feel so disheartened having worked in this kind of environment for so long. God doesn't see race, politics, or wealth. I grow weary of hypocrites that preach unity when they're the ones in perpetual fear. Yes, the church provides great help to the community. They reach out to the poor, they feed the hungry. But, those in charge are also great cowards. I will do my best for my community for this, my final year here. After that, I seriously have to consider if my Faith and core beliefs are worth putting on a facade of support. ...and find out just how jaded I am at this point.
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