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Okay, I have been in physical therapy for two weeks now, and have finally found my first bit of relief. Yesterday, my therapy took a new direction. In addition to the chiropractor , I have begun trigger point therapy. Basically, they insert needles into the muscles of my back and inject something to force the muscles to relax. I hadn't realized how tight the muscles were, but a day later my back is in constant ache mode. I will take that as a success. At work one of the women I really get along with is leaving. Her position is open and I am applying for it. It would mean a set schedule, no closings, and Saturdays off. It would be the closest I come to working a 9 to 5 job while in retail. Wish me luck. Dad is doing okay. My second cousin is up to see the family, her friends, and take care of a few odds and ends before her wedding. With my back an hour is the outer limits of what I can do right now. Traveling down to Western Pennsylvania for her wedding isn't something I can do by next month. So I got to see her today. A friend is going through what can only be a really rough patch in his life. No one should have to deal with the blows he has had recently. My thoughts and prayers are with him and his family. Meanwhile, another friend has graced me with a package. I love and look forward to a card so you know I was like a little kid at Christmas. Thank you Jo Ann. Your thoughtfulness is appreciated. To my friends, well beware started another round of postcards. Stay well and be happy.

So much for a relaxing day off. We're bringing in candidates for a few open faculty positions. Flight for the one leaving today has been delayed / cancelled. Waiting on automatic call-back from the airline to cancel the last two legs, as the candidate has made other arrangements to get back home (weird set of coincidences, but at least they have a way back).

Went tot the performance of Ailey II last night that had originally been C's and my's big night out. Glad friends (IRL and online) encouraged me to go. I did have to leave at 2nd intermission, but that was because of my joints and not my mental state. If you ever get a chance to see them, or the main Alvin Ailey troupe, do so - they're wonderful. Touch & Agree was their second of the three sets. Music was about 2x as loud as it should have been, but overall it was an enjoyable evening -- barring my joints; and the little incident right at the start of the show. Their very first dance segment of their first set used a fog machine; which set off the smoke alarms❕ Took them a few minutes to get the fog cleared out and the alarms turned off (though probably not as long as it felt). I felt bad for the dancers, but they were able to start back up again like they hadn't been interrupted [they finished the first segment before the house lights came back on and the stage cleared]. Touch & Agree was moving in a way that all good art should be. Brought back the sweeter memories of my Boy, and made me smile. 💖 Did have a brief moment of sadness this morning when I woke up alone instead if with my Boy in my arms, but work distracted me from that. Still "candidate season" and the weather caused delays again today for the early morning outbound flight. Flight in tomorrow should be fine, but the return flight on Tuesday -- and the inbound flights for the last candidate -- could be... um... "interesting". They're predicting snow, and the line between a dusting and several inches is way too close to here for comfort.

For Timmy, Emi and Mr. Benus: Incomplete Love All relationships are a work in progress, A building to be finished, an infinite mirror Beneath a starry sky. A battle between belief and reality, A compromise between expectation and evolution Between engagement and understanding. Experience vs. Emotion Broken crumbling pieces of self mixing Into happiness and grief and regrets Creating the mortar of us. Bricks and days And labours of indecisive Apollos' creating The walls of Troy only to be breached By a stupid wooden horse Of momentary weakness, Merrymaking in the filth as snakes slither in Our garden. Yet even then looking up you see The angelic choirs praising The one perfect moment of absolute happiness, One moment in eternity where you and I became Us. The slowly dying flowers in the vase are laughing at the trees outside. 02/10/2016 ©asamvav111

Okay, so approximately two and half months ago my part of the world shut down. Public transport became empty, restaurants shut down, doctor offices closed, and life as we knew it came to a standstill. My job also closed but I was lucky, the pay kept rolling in. Then a month and a half in the company furloughed all part-timers and 20% of the full timers. However, once again I was lucky and the pay keeps coming in. They decided last week to reopen. We are paid for 36 hours and any hours we actually work we get an addition $2 an hour for. I am not complaining. After three years of health issues, I have been blessed not to catch this. Unfortunately, that doesn't mean everything has been great. Back in November my dad began to complain about his sense of smell. He was going to see his doctor and a lung specialist. He had been put on a nebulizer and figure that might be the issue. February rolls around and he heads to see the vein doctor and again is having issues and mentions it. The vein doctor suggests dad go see a nose, throat, and ear specialist. Enter Covid 19 and the close down. The second to last week of May, dad wakes me at one am. He is in deep pain, in his eyes. I call his eye doctor, who calls back before two am and has us meet her at her office. She states dad has an infection in his eyes, prescribes meds, is grateful that we listened and didn't take a chance to expose dad to covid by going to the hospital. Woman is a saint of a doctor. We feel things are looking up. The last week of May he finally gets to see the doctor for the nose. He finds my dad's nose has a lot of growths and has basically sealed the left nostril and part of the right. He doesn't do that surgery any more. He sends Dad for tests and an associate who works 30 minutes away, towards the city. The second Doctor sees the growths but also believes he spots a tumor and wants us to see a brain surgeon and go for better testing. The test was last Wednesday. There is a tumor growing behind the nasal passage, warping the bone between the nasal passage and the eye socket. However the brain surgeon is in Great Neck, minutes from NYC and has my dad panicked. He wrote the first doctor back begging him to do the surgery. He stated he doesn't handle that. He agreed to find him another doctor to handle the growths, not the tumor, and he is going to have them removed this Thursday. He wants to cancel the consultation with the brain surgeon on Friday. Meanwhile I am now stressed out, eating things I should not, and trying hard to just keep myself going. I was lucky to have two beautiful people help with a story I'd written for the Anthology but never managed to get fixed in time. I'll get it up when I can. Just didn't want things to crash and burn but they did. Wish me luck. At 81 my Dad is stubborn and a trip into NYC probably isn't going to happen.

i have a "Grateful Jar" and it's been a little lonely lately. i'm finding being grateful is a little harder these days, with so much “taken away.” i thought about that tonight while i re-read some blogs, poems and stories here. Looking back at what people have written, stories about hardship, blogs about overcoming obstacles. i heard the kids hanging out together while Phil and i were on the couch. It was a combination that had me thinking about what i have, what makes me happy. i am grateful for my Husband He has been calm and steady through this whole “thing.” He’s had His own issues to be sure. He wasn’t able to bring His large monitors home. Not that we have room for them, but having to figure out how He’s going to do His job when He can’t see everything on a small laptop screen was just the first obstacle. He is always there with an encouraging word, or glance. He’s running all those errands to the store when we can’t get a timely pickup, to the pharmacy so i don’t have to. i am grateful for my family Though our house is small, and noisy, there is a genuine feeling here that we all like each other. Several times recently i’ve almost been in tears hearing the laughter, whispered conversations, and the not so whispered conversations, between the kids. We’ve been making it a point to eat together as much as possible. With work schedules being what they are, that’s usually just lunch. But when we’re all home for dinner, we eat together. It brings me great joy to fix meals that everyone loves so much, there are no leftovers. i am grateful for my job My 5 year anniversary is Tuesday, and the people i work with, and for, are pretty great. Our CEO has been holding regular “all hands” meetings to keep us in the loop as to what’s going on with our parent company in Brussels. We found out this past week that the entire upper management level has taken pay cuts so that those of us below won’t need to make bigger sacrifices than we already have. i know that i am lucky, many people have lost jobs, or have taken significant cuts to their income. My team, 14 when we’re all in the office, is having weekly virtual happy hours. The “Fun and Games Committee” has planned a rotating get together next week to say farewell to one of our guys who is being deployed to North Africa. There’s been a great pulling together to cover tasks that are “usually” done by others. i am grateful for technology This thing called the internet has it’s problems. Cyberstalking, the ability to hide behind the keyboard and be snarky, and mean. But, it has allowed us all to connect in so many different ways. We can send pictures almost instantaneously, no need to wait for a week, or even one hour for photos to be developed. Then you’d have to mail them to someone to share. i can hear my sister say she’s fine, but through video chat i can see dark circles under her eyes. We can work from the safety (and comfort) of our homes. No need to wait for a bus, or fight through rush hour traffic. Also, working in yoga pants is pretty great! i am grateful for my friends, local and online Throughout this whole time, there’s been a lot of contact. Instant messaging, texting, emails, phone calls. One night, there was even a driveway/tailgate happy hour. Messages of support, offers to run errands. Quick text messages, “I got a pick up time at the grocery store for tomorrow. Need anything right away?” One friend is a retired nurse, she made everyone masks. It helps, you know, to know that other people are having the same problems with isolation. It’s good to know that you aren’t the only human feeling this way. My online friends have shared news, interesting, fascinating articles with hints on handling the emotional aspect of isolation. They’ve been here to listen to rants, and raves. We’ve shared recipes, physical and mental health issues. i am grateful for online shopping i had been doing the weekly groceries online for some time before “all this” and it was very convenient. It became a little less so with everyone else using the system, pickup times went a week out, some of our favorite items were now “out of stock” or “limited to XX number per order. (We can only get five fresh meat items with any order still). That’s eased a little now. For example, i placed the grocery order Saturday, before 10:00 AM and the earliest pick up was 5:30 PM Sunday. There are still limits, and there is a chance that what i've ordered i won't get. But i don't have to go into the store, packed in with everyone else. i am grateful for my dogs Now that they’ve calmed down with everyone hanging out at home all the time, they’ve been great. Our Border Collie, Bella, stays by me most of the day, she sleeps under the table while i’m working. Rubin, the lab mix, well he’s busted into a couple of Phil’s team meetings. Jumping up on the couch for a cuddle while the meeting’s going on. It’s so funny to hear everyone going on about the dog, and the meeting being derailed. They’re always there for a cuddle, or a laugh. i am grateful for comfy sheets Sleeping has not been as easy as it once was. i’m thinking it’s the increased stress. But we’ve been keeping the comfy flannel sheets on the bed. i make the bed up every morning because i like the way it feels sliding into a crisply made up bed. Also, because of this. There are mornings when those comfy sheets try to coerce me into staying in bed a little longer. i am grateful for long drives in the country What a boredom buster those have been! Just to get out from within these four walls. No destination, just a direction! Sunshine, fresh air, music and talk. Nothing big or heavy, just … talk. There are still an abundance of wildflowers on the roadsides. There are sheep, goats, cows, and their babies. Occasionally we’ve seen small herds of deer back in the trees. The hawks and buzzards are soaring in the sky. We’ve driven through small towns with restaurants we might want to come back to, when we’re able. i guess finding things to be grateful for just took a little thought. And now, if y’all will excuse me, i think i’ll go drop these things into my Grateful Jar.

Alright, so it's the new semester. I have a job on campus at the student dining hall. Work is work, but this time around I'm getting more hours. And to be honest, I really don't like two of the shifts I have- I don't like the pace, and while I know I could get used to the duties over the semester, I just don't feel like $7.25 an hour is worth getting aggravated trying to get used to something when I've got two other shifts with job duties I'm used to having. This week I'm working somewhere close to 20 hours, and I'm just feeling like it's too much for me. I'm considering dropping back down to about ten, getting rid of the two shifts I really don't like having, while being open to "sub" in for other shifts. I totally thought I could work about 12 to 15 hours, and I don't know if I can really do it. On one hand, I really like making extra money, with spring break coming up and everything. On the other hand, I'm starting to feel like I'm getting stretched thin- not there yet, but when the academic workload really starts coming in I don't know how I'm going to feel. I feel like the hours are already cutting into my study time. I hate feeling like a quitter, but I really don't know if I can carry this kind of job workload all semester. My gut feeling is telling me to cut back on my hours, but I'm worried about how that will make me look, as well as lost money opportunities. What do you think?