[Altimexis] Broad Ripple Blues by Altimexis

[C James]

Discuss Altimexis's story "Broad Ripple Blues", in this thread.

 

 

 

Spoilers below!!!

 

 

 

 

 

Spoilers below!!!

 

 

 

 

 

Spoilers below!!!

[Graeme]

*sigh* How I wish I could be allergic to grass and allergic to mornings, like David....

 

Getting back on topic, this is a great coming out/first relationship short story. The lead characters are a pair of young boys at the cusp of growing into young men.

 

Jeremy is your classic rich kid -- the sort whose parents try to buy themselves out of guilt because they are never around when he needs them. It's a stereotype, but it's also not uncommon.

 

At first, I thought the way David kept making slips of the tongue was hard to believe, but then I realised that because he had suspicions about Jeremy, because he was attracted to the other boy, that his guard had slipped. It is all too possible, in hindsight.

 

There are splashes of humour throughout the story. One of my favourites is the "who's the biggest loser" game. It fits so well with the low self-esteem both of them were experiencing. I'm hopeful, though, that their self-esteem will be a lot higher in the times that follow -- having someone love you does wonders to your self-image.

 

Having said all of that, I still want to know what happened to Jeremy at school...

[BeaStKid]

I really enjoyed the story. I especially liked the part where David had the epiphany. What he said was so true. Some time back, I too had these walls around me to keep me deep inside the closet. Nobody could get passed that wall. But then I decided to topple a few feet from the top. And now, while I'm still in the closet, its not that deep.

 

Nice story, great plot...would love to see it develop more and to see where Dave's and Jer's life leads them.

 

The BeaStKid

[Lugh]

Sighs... got to love mothers and little brothers...

 

good story though.

 

Happy Writing,

 

Lugh

[C James]

I loved it!

 

I loved the first meeting, the nervousness and tension.

Riding in the storm was very well done, I kept wondering if they were going to make it.

Thanks Altimexis!

[Bondwriter]

It seems Altimexis is becoming the master of the happy get-to-know-each-other, come-out-to-the-acceptant family genre. In my opinion, much more realistic than inl Love In A Chair, (which was pretty good already). Entertaining, well-paced, feel good all the way! And another mother who wants her kid to know the facts of life,

[NickolasJames8]

Beautiful story, Altimexis. I thought it was funny how David didn't even remember Jeremy at first, and when he finally did, he had to backpeddle because of the way he remembered him. So sweet

[wildone]

Great Story Altimexis

 

After getting over the lightning, I really enjoyed the story.

 

In a way, your characters probably did a personal ten year journey in about one day. It would be really great if everyone could be sure things would work out and be honest with each others, instead of worrying about the worst possible outcome.

 

I liked the way both Jeremy's Mom and David's Dad and brother knew before they made any announcements. Isn't that usually the case with teens that know their gay.

 

And from the attitude of Jer's mom, and both boys sleeping in separate rooms at Dav's, I imagine the sleepovers at the mansion will be more exciting .

 

Steve

[Ieshwar]

That was soo sweet and cool! I loved it! My favourite scene is the last scenes where both boys realise that their family are very supportive.

 

What really caught my interest in the story is the luck the guys have! Families who accept them, GSA and supportive attitude at the school, and of course, meeting each other. I think you forgot to mention the great guardian angel looking upon them. (allergy to morning and grass is cool too )

 

Great story

 

Ieshwar

[Altimexis]

I'm in the process of removing my stories from eFiction to make way for new authors, particularly the new promising authors, to gain recognition without having to compete with the stories left behind by the hosted authors. I'm therefore moving the reviews of my stories from eFiction to my forum so they won't be lost, in deference to the original posters. The following reviews were left for my frist Naptown Tale, Broad Ripple Blues:

 

A perfect happy ending

 

A great tale and I want to read more. No, it's not want it's I need to read more. Have pity on me.

 

Your wish is my command. Please check out my other stories in the Naptown Tales series, including Back to School Jitters, A Dance to Remember and Educating My Parents. Also soon to come are Halloween Hero, My First Thanksgiving and The UnChristmas.

 

good yarn ant seqiel?

 

I'm working on a sequel right now

 

is there a follow-up??

 

btw nice story

 

Possibly in a future GA Anthology short story, but not yet.

 

well, this is adorable. To be honest, it isn't really realistic, but adorable anyhow. You just gotta love the story line.

 

Aw, this was adorable!! Keep it up, I'm looking forward to more!

 

Again, I want to thank everyone who took the time to write a review!

[David McLeod]

Altimexis,

 

Before this forum disappears into the bit bucket, I want to thank you for "Broad Ripple Blues," which was the first of your stories I discovered...too late, I'm afraid, to leave a review. But what a story!

[Will Hawkins]

I was a little overwhelmed by the rapidity with which this story moved, but then I remembered it was a short story. Ithad to move rapidly to get all the emotions and reactions into the limited space. Excellent characterization and a sweet plot, congratulations.
Mister Will