Depression

[ashessnow]

I wrote an entry for a blog about depression and the comments that I got back were facinating to me. The thrust of it was that it is a depressed person's fault that they are depressed. That everyone has problems, that it is self-pitying and such.

 

So I was wondering...what do you think?

Is depression a form of self-pity? Serious mental illness? Is it the depressed person's fault or not? How does one get out of it?

 

Also, considering how LGBT youth are 4x more likely to kill themselves than their straight contemporaries, does depression have a larger place in LGBT culture? Thoughts?

[Mark92]

I'm deeply depressed even though, I'm slap bang in the middle of my first real birthday. I feel the love from everyone especially my boyfriend.

So why am I depressed?. Because even with everything nice and wonderful, presents and cards I've never had before. Its still the same in the fact that I'm sat here alone. As I was last year, as I've been every year. Is that self pity?

I know how to fix it. I know it sounds so easy to everyone, just walk through the damn gate already!

I want to say this to everyone. Fancy tomorrow morning you walk out of your front door and its all changed its all different, even alien too.

When more than two people is a crowd, When you get to a road the cars at a 30 mph speed limit are going 20 times faster than the tractor you have been driving. That a busy street looks like a road into hell.

All these things scare the shit out of me. Like every phobia you have ever known, have been wrapped in a parcel so huge you will never ever get into it. Is this all self pity? or is it being afraid of the unknown?

Hope this helps anyone out there, who thinks depression is self pity. What I feel is fear. to anyone that wants one .

[TurtleBoy]

It's disturbing to hear that so many people replied with the belief that depression is at the fault of the sufferer. It's scientifically and statistically proven otherwise.

 

There is a difference between self-pity and depression. If you feel sorry for yourself, you're self-absorbed and need to pop that uncomfortable little bubble. It's temporary and will pass. However, depression grows and consumes you. It affects everyone around you. It can be contagious, and it can kill. Depression doesn't start off as a mental illness, but left to brew it can become something much, much worse.

 

And before anyone starts classing me as one of those trolls displayed in another post, I've already chosen my trollness, and I'm not speaking out of professional training. I'm speaking out of experience. I was depressed - not to be confused with a sad or whoa is me - and it grew, and it grew, and then it burst. Not once did I think of suicide, though. I was too afraid of dying at the time. I'm a lot like Mark. *points up* I, too, have a phobia(s). And it's a result of being too proud... or insecure... or afraid... or all three.

 

Any-who! The only way to overcome your depression is to ask for help. You'll feel stupid, ashamed, embarrassed, and angry, but that's the depression talking. Try not to listen to it. Talk to someone, anyone, be it online, over the phone, or in person. The more you talk about it, the less it controls you. But if you wait too long, it will grow, and it will hurt, and you'll end up like me, an agoraphobic, or worse: another statistic on the front page of tomorrow's paper.

 

And to anyone who still thinks that the depression is at the fault of the beholder, that's fine. Eventually we're all touched by it, and then you'll understand, and hopefully without regret.

[Y_B]

This is a gray area and one that touches on some sensitivity. I don't dismiss the fact that depression can be a very scientific psychological disorder that is out of control of the sufferer but there are quite a few 'depressed' individuals who are depressed for completely different causes and reasons who show different symptoms. Now...how do you sort out the ones who really suffer from depression and those who are just bitching so to speak? On the surface, you can't. I try to give the benefit of the doubt and I encourage everyone to seek some sort of counseling to help out regardless of what is the case.

 

Ultimately no matter if it's within the control of depressed individuals or not, I think effort counts for quite a bit. It may or may not make you any happier but the chance is there and it certainly leads to self discovery.

[Zolia Lily]

I used to suffer from depression and was medicated for a few years. Still every now and again I can feel myself heading that way. I have learnt to recognise the signs.

I probably once was one of the people who beleived you can snap out of it, that it's all just in your head, and even when i was depressed sometimes i used to wonder if i wasn't secretly some sort of masochist and enjoying being that way. But it's not like that. It's a chemical imbalance in your brain, and it's a societal illness.There are symptoms and it's clinically diagnosable. If it was easy to get out of, if people could just 'cheer up', then I think they would.

I was too afriad to tell anyone how i was feeling for fear of being told i was imagining things, or that i should just get over it. This meant i went on the way i was for a long time, even knowing something was wrong, too afraid to ask for help.

Recovering from depression can be through a combination of medication and cognitive therapy. There are definitely things which can help. I read about a study recently that said women were less likely to be depressed if they spoke to an old friend for at least one hour each week, and I really do beleive that being social, that reconnecting with friends and making time for them (even when you really don't feel like it) really makes a difference. One of the biggest feelings i had when i was depressed was that i was alone in the world entirely, a really strong feeling of complete isolation.

 

I think one of the worst things for someone who is depressed is being told that they are being self-pitying or that it's their fault. This only reinforces that feeling of isolation and feelings of hopelessness and makes it harder for them to open up. Depression is so common now- it shouldn't still have the stigma attached to it that it does. Being able to talk about it and understand it is really important for depression sharing the image that it has.

 

back, Mark!

[Mark92]

Talking about it and writing it all down in bits is helping me no end. I cant afford to take medication, It's not the cost, but I have animals that rely on me for their welfare. I could'nt do that as a drug induced zombie. I have also tried one councillor. He talked to me like something he had stood in, and besides that I should be in care?

Hello? I run a successful 10 acre farm. My bank balance is very much in the black, my farm is clean, my animals are healthy and happy.

I have recommendations for what I sell, and i'm pretty much self-sufficient.

What is working for me is a sheer bloody mindedness to overcome it all. I joined here in April this year and my progress is evident.

Yeah I get really down, sometimes I feel like I've cried for days. Sometimes I even contemplate the biggy, and yeah real close to that a few times.

What stops me? My boyfriend for one, my animals for another and not letting my friends down. My friends on GA I mean. I know I should be doing it for me. That in itself isnt a strong enough reason. So I will use what works for me.

[Zolia Lily]

Finding what works for you is the hardest part, but once you've got it, you have those methods and plans to fall back on for the rest of your life. Did you know that people that recover from depression without the aid of medication are less likely to relapse?

Also, that councillor should be taken out the back and shot. Or maybe just struck off. lol.

 

It's a hard road, but you're doing awesome

[Mark92]

Finding what works for you is the hardest part, but once you've got it, you have those methods and plans to fall back on for the rest of your life. Did you know that people that recover from depression without the aid of medication are less likely to relapse?

Also, that councillor should be taken out the back and shot. Or maybe just struck off. lol.

 

It's a hard road, but you're doing awesome

 

Thank You Lily it's support like that, works more than anything. I wish some of the other troubled teens would speak out and ask for help from here. It really has made so much difference to me

[Gene Splicer PHD]

I'm a depressed person. How I treat it depends on the season and my activity level. I do my best to treat it naturally, without meds, but there are times (the middle of a Michigan winter or just after the death of my dad) where meds are necessary.

 

Depression is a treatable state. Some call it a chronic disease, like diabetes, or some call it a state of mind, like addiction. The definition doesn't matter, but what does matter is that a depressed person is responsible for their state of mind. Being depressed doesn't absolve or excuse a person's behavior. In fact, it makes you more responsible to do something about it if your behavior or mood is off.

Just like a diabetic is responsible for their sugar level or an addict is responsible to themselves and others to not use <insert addictive substance here>, I am responsible to take my meds or exercise every day. I am responsible for making sure I have full spectrum lighting in my house, that I exercise regularly, that I get up every single day and make my bed and don't go back to it until bedtime (my depression manifests as laziness and lack of motivation - I really have to work at that make-the-bed thing). It's my responsibility to recognize that when these measures don't work, I've got to hie off to the doctor and get the prescriptions refilled.

 

So, no, depression is not your fault. It is, however, your responsibility to deal with it in the best way you can. It's not an excuse, it's a condition. Treat it accordingly.

 

Also, it's my experience that the zombie-state you experience with antidepressants fades over about a two or three week period. Your emotions are muted but still there, I still get mad, I still get happy and I still get sad. I just don't spiral with the emotions when I'm on the meds.

Edited November 1, 2011 by Gene Splicer PHD

[hh5]

So, no, depression is not your fault. It is, however, your responsibility to deal with it in the best way you can. It's not an excuse, it's a condition. Treat it accordingly. Also, it's my experience that the zombie-state you experience with antidepressants fades over about a two or three week period. Your emotions are muted but still there, I still get mad, I still get happy and I still get sad. I just don't spiral with the emotions when I'm on the meds.

Supposedly some therapist expect you to learn on your own about yourself while on meds ... but soon they take you off it after a while.

Some ppl are on it for long periods of times and sometimes their meds are rotated to prevent dependency.

Some argue that they need to live on the meds in order to function.

 

I guess just like me ... we need someone that fills the empty part of what causes us to fail to have a functional life

Some of us - people say we don't give up this way of thinking - its not easy - but this saying becomes unfair when they have someone in their life and we don't

 

Perhaps - if we have a more successful life - then perhaps our depression becomes less - but when we're not living life - our frailties attacks us

[sorgbarn]

You have got many wise an insightful answers above, clearly stating that depression is not self-pity, but actually an illness. I completely agree. Depression is an illness that is clinically diagnosable just as Zolia Lily says. I´m on the other side of the fence so to say - I´m living with a person diagnosed with depression since more than a year back, and he´s medicating for it. Before he got his diagnosis we didn´t realize what was happening (a friend pointed us in the right direction and had him seek medical help) and it was destroying his life, of course, but also mine and our children´s. When he started medicating things became slowly, slowly better again.

 

Mark92, you´re saying you don´t want to medicate, and I respect that, and I know there are self-help/coping methods to use, I just want to state: sometimes it´s not enough, sometimes medicines are necessary - and please don´t let anyone make it into a question of one thing being better than the other. My husband has stopped medicating for periods, because they make him emotionally numb (not to mention all the other disadvantages they have) and it works for a short period of time, and them like out of the blue it changes again. It´s quite frightening when I leave for work in the morning saying good bay to the person I love, and when I come home in the evening he´s gone and replaced by some one else, some one I don´t know. So I guess he is in for some long-term medicating, because frankly, without it we can´t live together, and our children will be hurt by his temper outbursts, lack of patience and so on.

 

In hubby´s case I believe it´s at least partly genetically caused, alcoholism (self-medication!?) and diagnosed depression runs in his family on his mother´s side.

 

If you can manage without medication - good for you - if not, it´s not making you a lesser person.

[Mark92]

I guess "cause" has a lot to do with it. My circumstances, my upbringing, (or the lack of it)

My lifestyle is kind of unique. Remote, cut-off, isolated. No schooling, so no interaction there. Also means no socialisation either.

Mine was a mum that hated me, and nobody to protect me from that.(no pity please)

Add that to the remoteness, the isolation, and the lack of interaction with others. You have a pretty fucked up kid yeah?. Well no actually, I'm getting there. I will do it, I will succeed. Not because of medication or some psychotherapist whatever. But because of self-will. I am determined. I am going to do it. I'm a passionate, stubborn, pain in the arse, down to earth, guy. I say what I think, I have no inhibitions. And nothing is going to stop me getting where I want to be.

Yeah I get down, but i'll dust myself off and climb back up again. I hope I inspire others, I hope I can make a difference. If I do then it was all worth it. A huge THANK YOU to all those on GA who have helped me and are continuing to help me.

[Celethiel]

I don't know there are times i go into a depressive phase, then there are times i seem to try beating myself over the head with my own terrors fears and there are times i wallow in self pity. I try to keep myself out of it, and i try to pull myself out of it, which isn't easy.

I have feelings of being alone and isolated, especially if i think about stuff too much and don't have anyone in general to talk to.

 

I have considered Alchehol, or allowing myself to be put back on mood stablizers to cut out the pain of what i have been feeling especially lately, but then i go back to a note were i can think constructively and tell myself neither one will help only action for the good can help.... Which isn't what i can think of when i am in those moods. Though while i am in them Thoughts of ending it all come into my head, THOUGH i wouldn't carry them out, simply because that would require me to take a step even then that i am never ready to go into.

 

Most of this i beleave crops up from the fact i have been multiple times abandoned by my family, since i was a kid and those that took me in never supported me in my life except where it suited them. So i tend to be as someone told me, overly critical of my work, and it is never good enough, doesn't help that i can never finish anything anymore for some reason...oh well strive ever foreward, by the way Mark92 i think you may have helped me in more ways then you know.

[hh5]

Sometimes for me my depression kind of makes my mind blink ... like there was disturbance in the matrix

 

Sometimes its bad or its a change in how I think ... perhaps it depends on how my nerve cancer bothers me ...

my jobless situation, all the band things I endured in my life that really harmed how I developed in life,

 

 

Its really hard to survive during the worst times ... but to add insult to injury\death is because of my internet bf n his family n his former bf

wow too much drama there

 

sure I wouldn't mind for a better bf ... and a better situation but its not easy to get there ...

[Solus Magus]

Depression...I've already experienced being so down. When I was 11, my best friend was accidentally shot

by a stray bullet. It was not how close we are, it was HOW he was taken away from him. I celebrate his

death anniversary every year by being alone all day or watching a movie that he would most definitely watch.

I love him dearly as a friend and owe o lot to him because he taught me how to reach out to people. Otherwise,

I would have a been a geek and a loner all through my life. But since his death was inevitable, I succumbed

to a depression when I was a child. My childish instincts told me to forget the whole thing and play pretend. It

took me three years before I finally cried for him. Imagine the pain that my heart absorbed for three whole years.

It was a painful mistake and left me damaged permanently. I was having awful mood-swings and I think that I think

'differently' between the two 'moods.' Do you think it's a personality disorder? I'm not sure. My views in life drastically

changed from one mood to another. One is a happy-go-lucky mood while the other is a serious mood where in I take

all of things seriously. It's pretty confusing, I'm still not over yet. All I'm hoping for is a way of this.

[Celethiel]

Depression...I've already experienced being so down. When I was 11, my best friend was accidentally shot

by a stray bullet. It was not how close we are, it was HOW he was taken away from him. I celebrate his

death anniversary every year by being alone all day or watching a movie that he would most definitely watch.

I love him dearly as a friend and owe o lot to him because he taught me how to reach out to people. Otherwise,

I would have a been a geek and a loner all through my life. But since his death was inevitable, I succumbed

to a depression when I was a child. My childish instincts told me to forget the whole thing and play pretend. It

took me three years before I finally cried for him. Imagine the pain that my heart absorbed for three whole years.

It was a painful mistake and left me damaged permanently. I was having awful mood-swings and I think that I think

'differently' between the two 'moods.' Do you think it's a personality disorder? I'm not sure. My views in life drastically

changed from one mood to another. One is a happy-go-lucky mood while the other is a serious mood where in I take

all of things seriously. It's pretty confusing, I'm still not over yet. All I'm hoping for is a way of this.

 

It is considered a mental disease by therapists and doctors, especially if it shows up and does not go away.

hh5 by the way when i get in a seriously depressed mood i start doing things that I look at when i am feeling better and ask myself Why the heck did i do this, and sometimes things i don't even remember afterwards. Usually those who commit suicide have Manic depression which is different because they have the will to actually do things where as others just do not feel like doing anything at all... (which I am of the second class)

I have been known to go on spending sprees when depressed, and seriously there are thoughts that go through my head when depressed that kind of scare me when i am feeling even a bit better. Suicide, alcheholism, thoughts of how to get rid of my ability to actually think.

[Mark92]

What I do when really low is, I hear every bad name my mum called me. Then its, "well they must be true."

Thank you for coming forward LannisterEX, and I hope these guys can help you. As much as they have all helped me. I still have a long way to go. Would be good to have a depression discussion group here. as a regular post. It would maybe help the younger ones with their issues.

My friends boy, has just broke up with his girlfriend after two years. He's 17 and a sensitive guy. Anyway, he totally turned it round and said he was crying for his grandad who had died months before, and who he'd hardly seen. It seems we all have our defence mechanisms.

I've found here, that most dont judge, or are shocked by anything said. Thats a good thing. To know I can come here and talk to someone and just be told. Its Ok you'll get there. Thats enough to keep me going until the next time I get low.

My boyfriend, most of you know who he is. He puts up with so much from me. Last month was bad, and I thought getting through it would be the end of it, but its changing to something new. Now I fear the outside. I dont mean outside my front door I mean the world I have been cut off from. Its been a year since I went through the gate. But on top of that I've never been through it alone. Always with some farmer or other. The track after the gate is over 2 miles, there is that to overcome. Then its just a major road in the middle of nowhere. There is no bus, train, or public transport. I can drive and drive really well but after a year off the main roads would I be safe? Am I making excuses? I dont know. Do I fear it? Oh hell yeah!

I'm now doing some basic maths,online. I feel even more a total dufus when I get stuck on sums I should have been doing about 9 years ago. But I didnt go too school. I learned to read and write, that was the only schooling I had. But I will keep on improving myself. I have to, if I want a life.

[hh5]

What I do when really low is, I hear every bad name my mum called me. Then its, "well they must be true."

Thank you for coming forward LannisterEX, and I hope these guys can help you. As much as they have all helped me. I still have a long way to go. Would be good to have a depression discussion group here. as a regular post. It would maybe help the younger ones with their issues.

My friends boy, has just broke up with his girlfriend after two years. He's 17 and a sensitive guy. Anyway, he totally turned it round and said he was crying for his grandad who had died months before, and who he'd hardly seen. It seems we all have our defence mechanisms.

I've found here, that most dont judge, or are shocked by anything said. Thats a good thing. To know I can come here and talk to someone and just be told. Its Ok you'll get there. Thats enough to keep me going until the next time I get low.

My boyfriend, most of you know who he is. He puts up with so much from me. Last month was bad, and I thought getting through it would be the end of it, but its changing to something new. Now I fear the outside. I dont mean outside my front door I mean the world I have been cut off from. Its been a year since I went through the gate. But on top of that I've never been through it alone. Always with some farmer or other. The track after the gate is over 2 miles, there is that to overcome. Then its just a major road in the middle of nowhere. There is no bus, train, or public transport. I can drive and drive really well but after a year off the main roads would I be safe? Am I making excuses? I dont know. Do I fear it? Oh hell yeah!

I'm now doing some basic maths,online. I feel even more a total dufus when I get stuck on sums I should have been doing about 9 years ago. But I didnt go too school. I learned to read and write, that was the only schooling I had. But I will keep on improving myself. I have to, if I want a life.

 

I can relate to the rough voices and the treatment ... yeah its a battle ... but soon enough they do go away ... its a matter pay no mind

Its only hard when it mixes itself with what your doing ... that's where its so tricky

 

Find a use for the math in what you do ... like inventory, baking, etc math is everywhere ... its always useful

Make it a game ... my dad would play this game ... it if I can keep track of the total cost of the groceries ... and not be off by one dollar then I gets to keep the loose change.

 

I see you grown your talent to write that's cool and the art icon is very good,.

 

Perhaps ... when you do venture beyond the gates ... your BF can go with you ... get reacquainted with the people out there.

Its not like a big city .., so really u don't have to worry about crime ... and little by little u can make a friend ... or get to know your neighbors

 

Yaa I hear ya ... I too don't go out very much ... but the issue is that we make ourselves a bit un-use to people ... we sort of become a hermit

 

As for yelling at the bf ... lol ... mine deserves it because of what he did to me ... but perhaps when my situation changes ... perhaps he may be dumped ... but he does deserve a bunch of trouble when I leave lol ... same goes with his x-bf(s)

[Mark92]

Thank you Celethiel, for saying I helped, however you took it on board.

There are so many out there with problems and on GA too. Ever since I joined I've felt I could turn to so many of you for help.

I thought of having like a panel, of some of the more experienced sufferers of the various depressions and anxieties might be cool to have here.

I would gladly point out who's the best one to go to for help on the various subjects. Here we can be totally at home in saying what is troubling us. We dont get judged, we can be accepted here, for whatever reason we felt the need to join. Not only to read and write, but to seek the company of people who are open minded enough to listen and to care. And maybe help themselves by helping others. Who knows unless we try?

[Tiger]

Talking about it and writing it all down in bits is helping me no end. I cant afford to take medication, It's not the cost, but I have animals that rely on me for their welfare. I could'nt do that as a drug induced zombie.

Most anti-depressants don't have that effect, at least not in my own experience. Anti-psychotics are the ones that can turn you into a zombie. A physician can help you find the anti-depressant that best suits your needs and helps you deal with some of the symptoms.

[Mark92]

Mine is an old guy in his 70's and very old school, and he visits me. Out here in the country you get what you're given, unless you really want to pay for it.

If I can do it without the medication I will. But it will be a last resort for me. I agree it might help some and therapy might help others.

I just thought that here I feel like i'm not alone, that almost everyone here has some problems or other. Why not make it more than just a place to come and read and write. Its my second home, and extended family. Why not make it more?

[Benji]

You are not alone, I could write pages of my depression dating back decades ago, recently worsened in 1997 and in full force since 2009. I'll not bore you, but up til 11/2008 I was able to cope with it, after that I was grasping at straws and have only a month or two to deal with a new reality laid out for me if I do not find another place to rent. To say I don't know depression, well lets just say I have been living it longer then you have been alive

[Mark92]

Awwwww Benji, I'm good at researching stuff so if you need any help looking via the internet I will do all I can. Just PM me your details and i'll spend an hour or two looking. Good Luck

[Bumblebee]

Being around horses helps, gives me a reason to wake up most mornings.

[DragonMando]

People that try to tell me my depression is my own fault tend to get slapped with a nice backhand. My family on both sides has three generations plus of documented chronic depression and it *is* genetically passed down. I couldn't escape it if I wanted to, I can only make the best of it and point fingers at the airheads that never stop smiling and say they're worse. I quite honestly believe that without my depression making me harder and more cynical I wouldn't be alive because I wouldn't be able to buckle down when the road gets rough. It's entirely because I've had to become nastier to fight the depression that I have the ability to eat plain rice for weeks at a time because that's all that's there and be able to not care well enough I don't get sick--or the cold "it's me or you" attitude when it comes to animals and other people. I see a pigeon in my back yard and I'm hungry? Guess what, I'm eating pigeon with no remorse.

 

Of course, it also makes me a miserable person to be around because I carry that attitude over to people to: if I don't enjoy a person's company immensely, I'll leave. I don't stick around if someone's making me feel even worse than I was already.