Good Girl - 1. Good Girl

Did you hear that, could it be? Calm down girl, just calm down and listen. That is definitely a car engine and I think it's right outside. It's stopped! That was a car door! Oh God, do not run to the door, you've been disappointed too many times. Take it easy, relax, breathe, you haven't a care in the world and you are not bothered if they're coming here or next door, you are Kara Redford and you are above acting this way. That was a key in the door, screw it, it's only polite to be there when the door opens and if I'm running a little too fast down the stairs well I can't help it, I'm a larger lady and momentum is not my friend. Damn it, the doors opening and I'm not stopping, reverse, REVERSE. Great now I'm stuck between the door and the wall, the indignity of it all. David is shouting at me to stay upstairs, it's a bit late for that I want to reply and he shouldn't be making me look a fool in front of company, I'm not out of control I'm enthusiastic.

I feel a hand on my head and then that voice greeting me, I was right, it's him, it's Sam. Sam, Sam, Sam, Sam, Sam. I love Sam. I manage to get myself turned round and look at him, he's smiling and I smile back or I try to, I seem to be ever so slightly out of breath and what I want to be a wide eyed gaze of adoration is more likely a half crazed glare. I am panting and my back end seems to have discovered a life of its own and will not stop swaying. I know this isn't my best of looks but Sam doesn't mind, one of the many reasons why I love him, he is the best human ever, okay maybe second best, loyalty demands that David be my favourite but Sam, he is my secret love.

He shouts for David who hasn't even bothered to come to the top of the stairs. I want to say to Sam look at me, pay attention to me. I'm the one who greeted him after all but I know I need to be patient and play it cool, there is protocol to be followed here and if I'm not careful I'll spoil things. I follow Sam upstairs, trying to stay as close as possible to him which isn't easy when your butt won't stop swishing and you're trying to keep your eyes on him and the stairs at the same time. I mistime my step and stumble, bumping into Sam who laughs and scratches my neck, he gets how much I try to be a good girl.

David is sat at his computer in what was Sam's and my room back in the good days before he went away and I was moved to the basket. There was a short time when they both hid in Davids room at night and I had to push my nose against the closed door to remind them I was there but that didn't last long and Sam moved into the other room with me. We were so happy there, most of the time anyway and when Sam cried I would try and cheer him up even though I could never work out how I'd made him cry. I miss Sam I wish he was here all the time, why can't David just make him stay? They're so busy talking they seem to have forgotten that little me is here crying out for attention. Stop hogging him David, who's he come here to see anyway? I dash to the top of the stairs and back again, no acknowledgement so I do it again. Come on Sam you're supposed to follow me. I do love him but at times it takes him forever to get a hint, I suppose he's only a human but it can get so frustrating. There are times when I think that people should come with an instruction manual I mean there's just no telling them what to do at times. What's so interesting about David and that stupid computer? I should be the centre of attention at all times, it's the natural order of things. Humans are so weird it's infuriating!

Sam's stroking my back which is progress I guess but he's not looking at me. What's a girl to do? I've not mastered a back-flip yet and they don't compliment me on my singing, anyway I shouldn't be reduced to doing tricks for attention, I'm not a toy poodle. I flop to the floor and present my stomach, not my most dignified of poses but it usually draws someone down to my level. It's worked, Sam is scratching me, I do love this but I have to force myself to get up before he loses interest. Come on Sam follow me, there's a good human. I trot casually to the top of the stairs and look back, they're both watching me. I take the first step and look back again, how do I say hurry up in people talk? Don't they understand that gravity is not my friend, I can't stand at this angle forever I either carry on downstairs or I try and reverse, something I've never quite got the hang of. Yes, Sam is following me, success. I take the rest of the stairs in record time and spin round waiting for him to catch up. He's got that stupid harness which try as I might I cannot seem to get the hang of, I try and stick my head through it to help hurry things along but he insists on grabbing my legs and manhandling me. I'll forgive him as it's Sam but I do think it's a bit of a cheek to treat me like this, it's like I'm being hogtied.

There we go I'm fully trussed up, the door is open and we're off. I try not to strut but I can't help it, I'm outside and I'm showing off Sam. This is the best thing in the world I could do it all day every day. Just me and Sam taking on the world, we're unstoppable. Sam takes me to my favourite places, I mean I enjoy my walks with David don't get me wrong but it's same old same old, Sam takes me all over and when he gets worn out and tries to take me home I just have to give him my sad eyes and he takes me further. There are times when David is immune to my girlish charms, can you believe it? My most adoring gaze and he thinks it means I know he's the boss and will follow him wherever he wants which technically may be true but still it does wonders for a girls self esteem to be out with someone who obeys you the way that Sam does. Every lady should have a Sam in their life. He just called me a good girl, he knows me so well. I want to tell him that David's not that bad and he should come to live with us again, I'd be the best girl ever if he did.

We wait at the road side, I sit down and look up at Sam. Do you see how good I am being? I'm voluntarily sitting down even though I know we'll be crossing the road in seconds, if that doesn't deserve a pat on the head and a compliment then I don't know what does. Sam is smiling, he gives the leash a shake to let me know he's ready to go and we're off. I'm trying not to run but it's hard to stop myself, I'm always having to slow myself down to let my team mate keep up, that's a lot of effort when you're this excited. Sam's pulling me in the wrong direction, boy he keeps me on my toes. I don't know if I should go faster to find out where we're headed or slow down in case it's a trick and this is a short outing and then home. There's nothing worse than getting geared up for a full circuit of the area only to end up heading back just as you're getting used to the breeze on your face and the grass under your paws. He tricked me, we're going to the park from the opposite side, I play along acting like he's got me fooled and I don't know where we're going but I can see through the trees, you have to humour these people sometimes, let them think they're the boss and you're as stupid as you were the day they first brought you home, it's good for their ego.

We walk and walk, I try not to stop too often as Sam doesn't like it. It's tough dealing with peoples peculiarities, David lets me take as long as I want but Sam is always in a hurry, he doesn't get that I like to investigate anything interesting and okay so maybe to him a patch of grass isn't the most attention grabbing aspect of the universe but I can't help myself. I force myself to keep on going, if I pause too long there's a chance Sam will think we should start to head back and I can't risk that happening, I have to keep up the forward momentum. We are the ultimate team, two best friends out enjoying the evening. We're in the park now which is thankfully deserted, I hate it when there are people around, it's not that I'm not sociable but I don't like sharing Sam and it's demeaning to have animals sniffing around me in public. This is our place and people should not be here without our permission. Sam doesn't like it when I warn them off with a growl, he doesn't understand that I'm only looking out for him. David can look after himself but Sam needs protecting and what if he was to take a shine to one of the dogs that run around the place, I already see too little of him as it is, I can't risk him running off with someone else.

I know that we're headed back now so I am on a go slow in a bid to stretch this journey out for as long as possible, the way I look at it is if we're headed back then there's no harm in my taking as many breaks as I like, it's not like I can be punished by being taken home faster. I've tried my sad face but by the law of diminishing returns that stopped working two detours back so now I'm resigned to my fate.

We're home, I won't say I'm pleased because it most likely means that Sam will be leaving but I am dying for a drink and I would like a little sit down, just for a moment you understand. There is a small part of me that anticipates this moment with excitement because maybe this time I can persuade him to stay, it's happened in the past but I can never work out what is I did that made him hang around, if I could solve that problem then I'd have it made, he could stay forever and we could all be happy again like we were in the old days. Not the really old days mind, I don't want David and him teaming up and excluding me. Off comes the harness, I take off up the stairs to escape before Sam can grapple me with the towel and wipe me down, I don't feel wet but sometimes that doesn't stop him. From my vantage point I wait for the moment when I'll know if he's staying, when he either takes off his shoes or leaves them on. David is now standing behind me and we both look down at Sam. They start to talk and I consider heading back downstairs but I know I'm supposed to wait with David. The choices I have to make, stay loyal to David who looks after me day in and day out even if he bosses me around at times or try to impress Sam who makes me feel special when he visits and pretty much does exactly what I want. It's too late for me to do anything now, Sam's leaving. David heads downstairs and I follow thinking he might be going to bring Sam back but he's just locking the door. I hide my disappointment and walk alongside as David heads to the kitchen and pours me some fresh water, maybe I can get a snack out of him as well.

oooooooooooooooooooooooooooo

There's someone at the door. I didn't hear a car, damn my dozing. David is beating me down the stairs, how is this happening? The tortoise is ahead of the hare. I'm so shocked I've stalled halfway and now the door is being opened and it is.....Ian. I hold my position. Now don't get me wrong I don't mind Ian that much, he's nice enough to me but when he's here he gets all of Davids attention and the last time he was here Sam came to see me and didn't stay long enough, he didn't even have time to take me out, I can't help but blame Ian. He's grabbed hold of David. I'm not having this, there is physical interaction going on and it doesn't involve me or my belly, how rude. I take the final few stairs and push myself into the tangle of legs. I will not be ignored, pay attention to me and get your hands off my David who seems to have lost his senses, he's practically licking the face of that Ian, you don't know where he's been I want to shout. Pushing against them doesn't seem to be working, maybe if I jump up. It isn't my most dignified of moves what with my shall we say ever so slight weight issues but one thing's for sure they won't miss me.

Success, they've separated. That's it look at me. Uh Oh David doesn't seem impressed. This is typical of you Kara, you never think before you jump and now he's staring at you like you're the bad guy. Quick, do something cute. Too late, he's said the most dreaded words in the human language. Get in your basket. I pretend I didn't hear him, it sometimes works. If I stand really still he might forget I'm here. Damn it tail will you stay still we are trying to be invisible here. He's said it again and this time he's pointing at the basket. Oh the shame, I can feel myself blush to the end of my fur, told off in front of company it is so mortifying. Sam wouldn't stand for this, he'd take my side and make David see sense but not Ian, I'll bet he's thrilled that I'm being exiled. This is all his fault and I hate him.

I look over my shoulder to see if they're still watching, maybe if I walk really slowly they'll have time to change their mind and realise it's impossible to be mad at me. They're not looking, instead they're all over each other again, they can't even give me wrong properly, this is so unfair. If I'm to be banished to the basket they should at least follow me to it and make sure I stay there. Well fine, if they're going to be like that then I won't go I'll just stand here and watch them do whatever the hell it is they're doing which at the minute seems to be some kind of wrestling fight against the wall, maybe I should join in and help David. He'd probably forgive me for jumping up if I helped him show Ian who was boss although at the minute he seems to be doing a pretty good job of it on his own. I'm not sure why their mouths seem to be all over each others faces but it looks like something I could give a go. Stupid flaming tail, it's started up again and whacked the wall, Davids realised I'm not in my basket and now he's pointing again. This thing is my curse and I'm sick of getting into trouble because of it, they should try walking round with a motorised whip stuck to their butts, it has a life of it's own.

I finish making my slow journey to the basket and collapse into it with an exaggerated sigh which doesn't catch their attention so I shuffle round and do it again. Still no acknowledgement! I am looking pitiful here, give me sympathy, forgive me! Sam would have been sat next to me by now scratching the sweet spot behind my left ear with David tagging along behind him. Look at me now, see what I've been reduced to, I hate being ignored I would sit and sulk but there's nobody watching me do it. David has just called him beautiful, my ears pricked up straight away and I thought this was it my moment of redemption but he wasn't talking to me. I am in a state of shock, he called Ian beautiful when it is a well known fact that I'm the beautiful one. I have it on very good authority, everyone who sees me when I'm out walking David says so and okay so some of them may call me a beautiful boy but I am rather broad shouldered for a lady so the compliment should still stand. I cannot believe this awful turn of events, here I am alone and neglected in the Siberia that is this basket while that Ian soaks up the all attention and compliments that are mine by rights. I have a good mind to pee on the carpet, that would teach them.

They've gone into the other room to sit on my sofa. I can hardly see anything from here and I need to know what's going on because at some point they'll have to forgive me and I need to be ready for that moment. I edge forward and as nobody shouts I risk shuffling a little way out of the basket, technically I'm still in it, at least my back half is, well some of it. Okay if you're being pedantic then all that's now touching the basket is half a hind leg, fine half a paw but it's still touching which is what counts. Still no cries for me to return to purgatory so I slide a little further forward stretching out to my full length, front paws ahead of me, my yoga pose. I can see their heads above the top of the sofa, their faces are still so locked together that they haven't noticed I've moved so I risk standing and inching forward until I'm stood in the doorway. Ian pulls away from David and I freeze convinced that I've been spotted but I'm safe, he's just pulling off his jumper. He throws it behind him and it lands on my nose before dropping to the ground, the cheek of it slapping me in the face like that, I feel like chewing up the damn thing but I doubt that would go down well and I've got to try and be a good girl at the minute, at least until I'm out of Davids bad books. Now Davids top is off and flying through the air, I dodge that missile and take another step into the room. I have every right to move forward with this aerial bombardment going on, I'd be a sitting duck back there. A few more steps and I'm peeking round the side of the chair. Now take a deep breath and wait Kara, look innocent when they spot you. Let bygones be bygones, you've forgiven them for punishing you and everything can get back to normal just as soon as they stop mauling each other and pay you some attention. David has noticed me, this is the moment of truth. I wait for him to order me away but he doesn't he just turns back to Ian, now if that isn't an invitation to get on the sofa with them I don't know what is.

David has shouted at me and I'm now back in my basket! Okay so maybe I mistimed my jump onto the sofa and I may have slightly misjudged the available space but Ian doesn't look that big, who knew he would take up so much room. Anyway it's half my sofa, they should be the ones moving. I cannot believe that I have been made an outcast in my own home and nobody is looking at me no matter how much I sigh and shuffle around, this is so unfair. Now look they've got me so worked up I've missed the front door opening. It's Sam! He'll put this injustice right! I'm dying to run and meet him but I'm not supposed to leave this basket and anyway he needs to see what I've been reduced to. David is pulling on his top and Ian looks embarrassed. Ha! They should look embarrassed after the way I've been treated, serves them right. Sam's apologising, I hate to say it but he's useless at times, he should be kicking off and giving me a cuddle. Won't someone look at me and my plight. He's turning to leave, I'm not having this. Hey, I'm over here come and see me, take me out.

I race to the door, to hell with being in trouble, I'll deal with the rule breaking later. Sam wait for me! I try and squeeze past Davids legs but he's too big and I'm not built for stealth, the man is an oaf at times, surely he realises that if anyone is going to change Sam's mind it's me if he would just let me get to him, my powers of persuasion only work face to face. A breakthrough, of sorts, I've managed to poke my head between leg and door frame, I may look like a mounted trophy but if I can catch Sam's eye I should be able to work some magic, look sad Kara, look sad. Damn tongue, what part of looking sad involves panting. Never mind the tongue, it's worked he's coming back and with a bag which if I'm lucky will contain a treat for me. I'm not saying one treat will make up for the way this evening has gone but it's a start. He hands David the bag and kneels down in front of me, that's it look into my eyes, my big brown ever so sad eyes, I wish I could flutter my eyelashes. He places a hand either side of my face and shakes my cheeks, not something I usually enjoy but if it makes him happy I'm willing to go along with it. If only David would shift over so I could greet Sam properly. No, he's standing up again, promising he'll be back another time. I don't want him to see me later, I want him to see me now, why can't these humans understand that patience is not a virtue I was blessed with.

Then just like that he's gone, I'm pushed back inside and the door is closed. It is official, I have the worst boss in the world, not only does he make me sleep in a basket when I know there is a perfectly good bed in his room but now he's scaring off my friends. David can hunt around in that bag all he wants, there can't be anything in there that will make me feel any better. Fine, I'll take this bone, but only out of politeness and because I like to comfort eat when I'm depressed. I don't care if David says Sam will be back tomorrow, that's forever away. We had him here now and let him get away and that is totally Davids fault, David and that Ian. Surely he can see the pattern here, Ian is scaring visitors away. He must have some kind of mystical powers when his top is off and I'm the only one immune to it's effect. Snap out of it David, come to your senses and get my Sam to come back. I heard a car outside, maybe he's come back. I drop the bone and rush to the door, I think I may be barking which I know I'm not supposed to do but I can't help it, nervous disposition on my mothers side I think.

David is saying something to me but it won't be good news, probably more orders so I ignore him and jump up against the door. Sam's returning, I know he is, it's just taking him a really long time to get to the door. Maybe if I shout a little louder he'll hurry up. Now David has raised his voice, that's it join in, the more noise we make the better, let's give Sam a real fanfare. The silly man is getting it all wrong, he's supposed to be shouting Sam not Kara. Oh now I get it, he's shouting at me not with me, how embarrassing, doesn't he realise that Sam could be out there right this minute, just waiting for us to open the door for him. Now Ian's headed towards us, that's really going to help the situation isn't it, hide him David,get rid of him. I circle around as I bark, just in case David gets any smart ideas about trying to shift me, a moving target is so much harder to catch. David's getting my leash, this is more like it, he's taken the hint finally. I am trying to let him get my collar on but he's so clumsy and I'm so desperate to get out after Sam, not a good combination.

Outside, finally. No sign of Sam but there is a car there, I can't remember if it's his or not. I look up at David to see if he knows but he's too busy looking at Ian who seems to have invited himself along, I'm not going to object because I'm outside and that's the most important thing but it is a bit of a cheek to just tag along like that. We ignore the car and set off on the route David usually takes with me. I don't know if this is just a walk or if we're supposed to be on the trail of Sam but either way I'll take the trip out and enjoy it, or I'll try to, these two are so slow, they're like dead weight I'm having to drag. We cross the road which is unusual for one of Davids trips and set off down the lane. I don't dare stop to sniff anything, the second I do they both freeze and it takes them forever to get going again, we are walking here people not standing still and staring at each other.

What is the hold up? Come on people we have distance to cover. They are torturing me, stood there propped up against each other when I just know that there is going to be something great right around the corner. Can you please leave each other alone and let's get to it. Who put these two in charge, they are useless. Maybe they need a hint, yes maybe that's it, just a little tug on the leash to remind them that I am here.

Yes it worked, we are off, well I'm off anyway and that's what counts. I'm actually moving pretty fast and not being tugged back, I could get used to this. I'm running, this is more like it. The leash hitting my back is a little annoying but you can't have everything. They're shouting my name, encouraging me to go faster I think, cheering me on so I give them what they want and keep on running.

Okay maybe I was a little bit mistaken about the cheering thing, now that I think about it there seems to be less cheering and more shouting, lots of mention of coming here and staying. I possibly misheard them and now when I glance back to check I get a shock as I realise that they're not there with me, they're way back. How did that happen? Boy they're slow, David is way off in the distance, I'm embarrassed for him. Ian's faring a little better, in fact he's pretty speedy, he's really making up ground, I'm impressed. I wait until he's a few yards from me then turn and take off again, this is fun, I like this game. Maybe I'll take them to the park seeing as how I'm in charge now, I can show them what a real walk is like. We could even find Sam, yes let's find Sam. I take a sharp left and squeeze through a gap in the hedge, Ian's following but no sign of David, I can't see Sam either but he could be hiding. I dash back through the bushes for no other reason than I can and Ian can't, at least not easily. I can see David now, he does not look happy, but then neither would I if I was moving that slow. I should probably run back and encourage him but Ian's here and I like showing him he can't catch up with me, I'm too good. Back into the park again, Ian is stuck in the bush, come on, if I can fit surely you can. I bark and start to run again as he finally crashes out of the greenery, surely he realises how much easier it would be if he was down on my level but these humans insist on tottering about on their back legs. I decide to go for one last dash out into the lane, just to see what's keeping David but once outside I think to myself why not head over the road and try a new direction.

The wind in my fur, my tongue lolling to the side, this is the life for me. All I need is a fence to jump and I could be advertising dog food. This is the best walk ever. Glancing back I can't see David or Ian so I slow slightly to give them a chance to catch up with me, I forget how slow people are at times. They're really taking their time so I pause to enjoy the sights and smells. I'm not entirely sure where I am, I think I was too caught up in the journey to worry about the destination. What's keeping those two? I can't see them anywhere and I can't even hear David now, please tell me they're not lost. I'd better keep going until I find something I recognise then I can focus on rounding them up.

It seems to have got dark, I was so busy trying to find David that I didn't notice it happen. I'll admit to being slightly worried now, anything could have happened to him. I refuse to accept responsibility for this, if they had kept up we would still be in the middle of an enjoyable jog, instead I'm alone in the cold and the dark and they're who knows where. I've been abandoned, I'm like the littlest hobo, I'll have to turn tricks for biscuits, oh god I'm starting to panic. David where are you, come find me. I start to run again, I have no idea where I'm headed but I figure if I run far enough I have to find my way back eventually, I mean how big can this place be? The answer to that seems to be pretty big, I still have no idea where I am, I've been shouted at by a mean old woman, had a car sound its horn at me when it got in my way and been growled at by some huge monster of a hound. This is a nightmare, somebody save me, please. I want to curl up in my basket and never leave it again or lie next to David on the sofa, yes that would be perfect, right about now I wouldn't even care if Ian was on there with us.

I've come to another road, my rule is if you don't know the way then go straight on but that hasn't done me much good so far and this road is busy, at the back of my mind are human voices telling me to wait. I know that there are some kind of rules for crossing these things, it generally goes stand by the nearest human and pause until they move, what am I supposed to do without a human? I wasn't trained for situations like this but if I don't know what to do then all I have are my instincts and they tell me to carry straight on which hasn't done me any good so far, you see I am trapped in a vicious circle. I step out into the road and jump back as a car zooms past. I obviously need to go faster so I shuffle backwards and ready myself for the dash forward. I'm halfway across before the sounds of the cars register with me, they're all around me and I'm frozen to the spot, which way do I go to get away from them? The lights are dazzling me and confusing me, I don't know what to do and there's so much noise I can't concentrate Why can't Sam be in one of the cars? Maybe he is, maybe I just need to get closer to them so he can see me. If they would just stop for a minute I could try and recognise Sam's car and then I'd get off their precious road and they could stop scaring me. They've got me shaking, I can't stop it. I know I need to go somewhere but where and how, there are cars everywhere now and I can't see a way out, I can't even remember which way I came from.

Then I hear it, above all the noise, my name, someone is calling my name. I'm so relieved I cry out. I spin around to face the direction of the voice, it's Ian. No sign of David but I don't care, any recognisable face is the answer to my prayers. He's telling me to stay but I want to get away from this place and be with someone I know, I should just run to him. He's walking slowly towards me, hand out in front of him with the palm open, I think that means stop. Cars are still rushing past but I'm more excited than scared now. I'm dying to run but maybe I'll get in trouble, knowing the way humans are he'll think it's my fault that we're here in the first place. Now he's slapping his knees and calling for me to come, I don't need telling twice, I bound towards him and leap up as he kneels down. All is forgiven, he found me. He takes hold of my leash and we set off together, he seems to know where he's going so I let him lead hoping that he will find David. He is making such a fuss of me, I should really tell him to calm down but he seems so thrilled to see me he's making even me seem subdued. I wonder if we can do that again, maybe it could be Ian's thing, taking me for runs. I just won't go so fast next time, I'll remind myself of human limitations and jog instead of sprinting. There's David! The team is reunited! He doesn't look happy but it's not our fault he's slow. Ian's calming him down, for a moment there I thought I might be in trouble. Maybe Ian isn't so bad after all.

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