Undetermined Identity - 12. Chapter 12...Letting Go

There are things that we never want to let go of, people we never want to leave behind. But keep in mind that letting go isn’t the end of the world, it’s the beginning of a new life.”

~Joseph Campbell~

~*~*~Chapter 12

Lisa opened the door to a welcomed surprise.

“Hey mom!”

“Hello baby”. Mrs. Taylor greeted, stepping inside. “I figured I should come and see you, since I can’t get you to come by and see your parents.” She said with a warm smile.

“Hey I was about to make some lunch. Would you like some?” Lisa asked, walking back into the kitchen.

“No, I just had lunch with your father. I have a nail appointment down the street and decided to drop by.” Mrs. Taylor explained, looking around the quiet house that seemed to reflect gloom.

“So.” Mrs. Taylor said as she sat at the table. “ Nick hasn't come home yet?” She watched Lisa’s body tense up to the question, as she continued to make a sandwich.

“No, not yet.” Lisa replied, sighing heavily hoping that her mother would not ask any more questions.

Lisa started spreading mayonnaise on a slice of bread for her sandwich. Her mother, Mary, eyed her carefully. Her talk with Nick really helped her figure some things out. She knew how stubborn her daughter was - after all, she had raised her. Mary knew what to expect, but she didn’t know she could feel so disappointed in her daughter. So, as they both sat there, making quick glances at each other, she decided to talk some since into Lisa.

“Lisa, dear, put the sandwich down and come talk to your mother.” Mary insisted. Lisa kept spreading the mayo, stubbornly. Mary bit her lip and looked at her daughter. “I just want to talk,”

Lisa sighed, and reluctantly sat the sandwich down on the plate. She took a seat next to her mother and turned to face her. “What do you want to talk about?” She questioned, as if she didn't know.

Mary shrugged. “How was the appointment?” She asked.

“It went…well, I suppose. Nick showed up.” Lisa commented.

“Well, he’s the father, he’s supposed to be there, right?” Mary asked, concerned for Lisa’s feelings.

Lisa looked down at the table and drummed her fingers on it. Was a father supposed to be there for his child even though he left the mother? Better yet, didn't leaving the mother forfeit his right to her child? Lisa was torn.

“I had dinner with Nick the other night.” Mary said. Lisa looked up at her mother in shock.

“Why?” She asked.

“Well, he is my son-in-law. I think I can have dinner with him when I want to.”

“Wait, did he initiate it or did you?” Lisa asked.

“Does it matter?” Mary responded.

“What did you talk about?” Lisa asked.

“You know, if we keep answering each other’s questions with more questions, we’re not going to get anywhere, now are we?”

“Mom, really, what's the point of this? Are you here to interrogate me?”

“Maybe I’m here to see my daughter.”

“Well, your daughter is very busy at the moment, so -"

“Making a sandwich? Lisa, do you even hear yourself?” Mary asked, exasperated. Lisa looked her mother in the eye but didn’t say a word. “You’re upset, I can tell.” Her mother continued.

“Well, I’m hungry, and you won’t let me eat my sandwich.” Lisa said carefully. She was upset, but she still needed to be respectful towards her mother.

“No one’s stopping you from eating, hun.” Her mother said.

Lisa immediately stood up and went to her sandwich. She placed the bread together, with the lettuce, tomato and turkey in between, and took a bite. A drip of mayonnaise fell onto her shirt and she clenched her jaw.

“Ugh, stupid sandwich!” She shouted and started to remove the condiment.

“That sandwich is really evil isn’t it?” Mary joked. Lisa glared at her.

“Well, mom, how would you feel if dad told you he was gay. Would you be happy, jumping for joy? Or would you be pissed that you wasted what should have been the most precious years of your life?”

“Well, for one, this isn’t about the sandwich.” Mary pointed out. Lisa sighed and sat down. “Two, you’ve only been married for two years.”

“It’s enough time.” Lisa said.

“Is it really? You know, there are many people who could be married for years and still not know everything about their spouse. I’m surprised Lisa, do you really feel like you’ve wasted two years of your life?”

“Well, yeah, I mean, I wanted a healthy marriage and a family. When Nick and I were married, that’s what we promised each other.”

“If I do recall, your vows said nothing about children.” Mary said.

“Well, when you get married, that’s how it’s supposed to be right? Get married, honeymoon, have a good job, have kids and raise them well. I mean, it’s a packaged deal.” Lisa retorted.

“But Lisa, did Nick want kids?”

“I wanted kids.” Lisa argued.

Mary was becoming irritated with her daughter. “Lisa, listen to me. When you’re married you drop the ‘I’s for ‘We’s. It’s not just what you want. Lisa, you're being selfish.” Mary said. Lisa was about to protest, but was interrupted. “No, no, no, I know you, Lisa. You’re forgetting who raised you. But, don’t take it personally, because in reality, humans are selfish creatures. There’s that sense of self-preservation within all of us.”

“Mom, what’s the point of this conversation?” Lisa sighed.

“The point is that you jumped into a marriage with the mind set that things were going to go exactly how you planned. You can’t do that, because that’s not how life works. And don’t tell me that you wasted two years of your life; you’re only twenty-five.”

“ Nick lied to me, mom!" Lisa argued.

“ Nick is a good man, Lisa. He’s taken care of you. You both have great jobs and a beautiful house, what more could you asks for? Honey, I want you to understand that what you’re doing right now is wrong. You can’t keep Nick from his child.”

“Well, he doesn’t want to be with me.”

“Then go find you a man that does!” Mary shouted. Lisa was shocked silent. “But, don’t take it out on Nick, or on his friends.”

Lisa was crying now. “He hurt me, mom. He hurt me s-s-so b-bad.” She choked. “I loved him, I still do. I want a family, I want happiness.”

“And you think Nick doesn’t?”

“Well, he sure said he didn’t want kids. So why should he even be around?"

“He should because it takes two parents to raise a happy and healthy child.” Mary said, wrapping her arms around her daughter. She rubbed her back gently. “ Nick is a good man, and he wants to be there for the both of you because he loves you. And maybe he's not 'in love' with you, but to be loved is still a blessing.”

“Love hurts,” Lisa commented, resting her head on her mother’s shoulder.

“‘To love and to be hurt often, and to love again – this is the brave and happy life.’” Mary stated, quoting J.E. Buckrose. Lisa bit her lip. “Give Nick a chance, and stop this foolishness. Or you really would be wasting your life.” Mary warned. “Let him be happy, and try to find your own happiness.”

Lisa knew her mother was right. Her mother was always right. What was she doing with herself? Wasting her time trying to win back a man who had never loved her? And, the two years with Nick weren’t bad at all. To be honest, she had enjoyed them.

Lisa wiped her eyes and nodded. “Okay, I’ll try to do better.” Mary kissed her head.

“Starting with apologizing,” Her mom smiled.

“I know what I have to do mom, don’t worry.” Lisa said. She hugged her mother tightly before releasing her. “Thank-you, and I love you.”

“I love you too, dear.” Mary said. Lisa smiled and went back to her sandwich. All of this time, she was acting irrationally. Manically, even. She loved Nick, and honestly she didn’t want to hurt him. She hoped he didn’t want to hurt her either. Lisa placed a gentle hand on her stomach and smiled. She wanted what was best for her child, and having a father is one the most important things in a child’s life.

~*~*~*Later, that evening at Nick’s new place.

"Danny, you're going to suffocate under there!" Nick laughed as he held up the covers peeping in.

"Are you ticklish here?" Danny asked, kissing Nick on his inner thigh. He moved to the other leg and nibbled on it gently, pulling the soft hairs on the inside of Nick's leg ”Here, how about... here?"

"Yes...YES!” Nick laughed again, squirming around under the covers in a desperate attempt to avoid Danny's vicious attack.

"Ouch, ouch...Danny, shit! That hurt, get your ass up here.” Nick said between laughs. Danny continued sucking, biting, and kissing; making his way to the swollen erection he had been attacking without mercy and kissed it once more.

Danny crawled under the covers up to Nick. "Aww, come on baby, let’s go for a record." He said placing kisses all over Nick's face and neck.

"Okay, okay." Nick laughed, "But, go easy."

"Okay." Danny got one more kiss before diving underneath the covers again. "Ahhh." Nick threw his head back on the pillow as he felt Danny's soft tongue lick the head of his cock which was slick with pre-cum. Nick was on his fourth round; his body was rendered almost useless. It was Danny's plan to get him off just one more time, what better way to christen Nick’s new bed, which had arrived earlier in the day?

“Ooohhh Danny, that feels good.” Nick licked his lips, slowly wetting them to intensify the feelings throughout his body. Danny moaned with satisfaction at the pleasure he was giving his lover. He let his hot breath ghost over the thick head of Nick’s swollen cock, lightly stroking the slick shaft with his hands while kissing the head, licking his tongue in the slit and tasting the sweet cum that brimmed the top. Nick was soring to a state of sheer ecstasy.

“Uhhh… ahhh… shit Nick was moaning uncontrollably, clutching the sheets until his knuckles turned white. “Shit, shit….shit, Danny stop…stop, I can’t take it anymore, it's too much.” Nick spoke in a husky voice which was filled with intense passion. Danny rubbed the hard cock against his cheek, running his tongue along the sides kissing it lightly.

Nick arched his back, pushing his hips up and down. Danny took this moment to slick his finger with Nick’s pre-cum and his saliva; reaching under Nick’s ass, Danny rimmed the entrance of Nick’s tight muscle with his finger. “Ahhh...” Nick cried out as Danny gently fingered him, sending Nick to go over the edge once more releasing white hot cum down Danny’s throat. “Ahhh… yes... that’s it Nick, cum for me baby, give it all to me.” Danny pleaded, swiping his tongue to catch every drop of cum that Nick shot into his mouth.

“Uhmmm… uhmm… ahhh..." The arch in Nick’s body slowly started to come down to the bed along with his high. His breathing was shallow, his mouth was dry. His body was trembling; Nick didn't know how much more his body could take.

“Danny…Duh... Danny, damn baby will you marry me?” Nick laughed, running his fingers through his damp hair. Danny crawled up Nick's body underneath the covers until he emerged at the top of the bed. Nick held the covers up, allowing Danny to poke his wet head out the top. He laid his sweaty hair on Nick’s chest.

“I hate to break it to you baby, but you are already married.” Danny said, slightly out of breath.

“Oh really, you usually sleep with married men, huh?” Nick asked teasingly.

“Only gay men who are married to women.” Danny retorted back.

Looking into Danny’s face Nick asked with concern, “Are you alright? You look a little flushed.” Nick asked, caressing Danny’s peaked cheeks.

“I’m fine; hey! It was hot under there.” Danny grinned. "By the way, how was the appointment with the doctor today?”

“Oh, Lisa was pissed! If looks could kill I would be dead now, but I got this…hold on.” Nick reached in his portfolio that was on the floor and pulled out the ultrasound picture.

“Hey, let me see it!” Danny demanded, reaching for the photo. Nick handed it to him, watching Danny as he turned the photo upside down, left to right, and then upright again.

“Where's the head?” Danny finally asked looking confused as he continued to try to figure out the top from the bottom.

“Right here, see?” Nick pointed at the picture.

“That’s the head? He looks like an alien.” Danny laughed.

“He, you said he.” Nick laughed. “I told them it was a boy, and I agree; he does look like an alien.” They both laughed.

Danny lovingly gazed into Nick crystal blue eyes before touching Nick's chin and saying, “My Nick is going to be a father."

Nick reached for Danny’s hand. “Your Nick... I like the way that sounds. Um… am I your Nick, Danny?” He asked, wanting Danny to say yes so badly it almost hurt.

“Yes, well, mine and Lisa’s” Danny sighed, only half-joking.

Nick reached his hand under Danny’s chin, bringing them face-to-face. Nick took a deep breath before speaking. He licked his lips, biting the inside of his jaw.

“Danny, I’m sorry about all of this, but I’m not letting you go." Nick stressed. "I will take care of the legal paper work, I promise; I just want to give Lisa time to adjust to things - that’s all."

“I know Nick, and I get that you’ve got to be careful. She is carrying your child, and she is stressing herself out enough as it is.”

"I’ve never been hers Danny, she has never had my heart, but you do…I’m yours Danny, that is if you want me... if you can deal with my mess.” Nick ducked his head. “If not, I will come looking for you when everything is resolved, because it’s you I want.

“ Nick, I know some people - okay, a lot of people - might think I’m crazy, but baby I’m here, and I’m not going anywhere.” Danny leaned his face into Nick’s and their lips met softly.

The ringing of Nick’s phone startled them out of their kiss. Nick reached for the phone, recognizing the number immediately.

“It’s Lisa,” He mouthed to Danny. Danny sat up with the covers pulled up to his chest, “Answer it.” Danny said with a nod.

“Hello.”

“Hello Nick.”

“Lisa, is everything okay? What’s going on?”

“I’m okay, but Nick, we really need to talk. Are you free tomorrow?”

“I’m sure I have some free time during the morning, can I call you with more of a definite time?”

“Sure, I’ll wait to hear from you. Goodnight Nick.” Lisa sighed, trying to stop her tears from falling.

“Okay, tomorrow then.” Nick hung up the phone, he gave Danny a surprised look.

“Is everything okay?" Danny asked, looking concerned as he reached for Nick’s hand.

“She wants to meet me tomorrow; she said we need to talk." Nick kissed Danny’s hand, letting his mind drifted, wondering what Lisa had to say.

~*~*~*~*