Loving You, Loving Me - 17. Chapter 16: The Love of Christmas

Chapter 16— The Love of Christmas

With locked lips, we stood. In the passion of our kiss, my eyes closed as the world around us started to waver and wane away. Leo’s fingers stroked my chin, with the gentleness and care reserved for the most delicate and precious of things. My body squirmed at first from the suddenness of it all, but eventually, as the tingling vibrations dissipated into my body from his fingers, from the smoothness of his soft, soft lips, I succumbed to the power of his touch. The touch I had been yearning for so very, very much.

“Mistletoe!” he cried out.

“Huh…?”

“You know! That tradition people are supposed to…” he broke off and leaned in again. His lips flightily nibbled before landing down gently on mine. I melted again. He started to giggle, the sound of his light, carefree laughter drifting in the air together with the light, drifting snow.

I looked up, and realised what he meant, even though a kiss never needed any reason or explanation. His eyes glistened beautifully blue, and his red cheeks were decorated with deep adorable dimples. I could not have hoped for a warmer welcome.. “Is this your way of having me over more often?”

“Maybe. Depends if it’s working,” he answered, his hands reaching for my face and giving it a cuddle. Just then, I realised he had glittery green and red tinsel wrapped around his neck and draped down his chest like a sequin scarf. How silly but, at the same time, sweet Leo looked. That explained why it tickled when we… Closer and closer he leaned in again, until the pairs of lips which could not seem to be too far apart from one another for too long met once more. I shivered and swooned.

“Oh, it’s working alright,” I answered, grinning as this light, fluttery feeling floated all over inside, “But then how do I know you don’t give everyone who comes through the door the same treatment?”

“More reason for you to come over so you can be sure, right Dave?” he cleverly replied, his hand reaching for the zip of my coat. Damp droplets of magnificent white sprinkles which clung onto the fabric seemed to instantly melt as his hand drew near. “Come on, let’s get you out of these clothes and into the house!”

With the front door shutting behind, a warm, spacious world opened before me. I glanced around, admiring the beige wallpaper decorated here and there with photographs, wondering what precious moments were captured within those very frames. A pungent odour of sautéed garlic wafted in and around my nostrils. My stomach grumbled and relished in the imaginings of what possible culinary delights were being prepared. Faint, almost ear soothing sizzling and stirring sounds originated from down the corridor.

“Come, Dave. I’ll show you around a bit.” He took me by the hand and led me further, led me deeper into a whole new world. Through a doorless arch we entered the living room. Speckless, bright and spacious were the first words that came to mind. Just in front of the large window pane, black leather sofas crowded snugly together around a low, round wooden table. In the centre of it all, red and golden candle sticks filled the core of a wreath of pines and gilded leaves arranged in the shape of a heart. Against one wall, still smouldering logs in an open fireplace radiated with a dim orangey afterglow and filled the air with the sweet smell of freshly burnt wood. The smell that makes you want to breathe in deeply again and again because it tickled the lungs with such gentle delight. Purple and silver garlands mingling with red and golden tinsel was wrapped on the walls, making the room look like a present waiting to be opened.

“You haven’t seen everything yet,” Leo said, and tugged my arm eagerly into the adjoining dinning room, with his fingers subtly stroking. At first my eyes were caught by the white table cloth elegantly decorated with all sorts of cutleries and two silver candle holders. Reflecting on the polished surface of a spoon was a bright clutter of light, which made me turned.

In the corner, by the window was a magnificent tree, almost as tall as the ceiling, towering above us, in an evergreen delight embellished with ribbons, bright colourful bulbs, silent angels, sweets-filled stockings, glistening tinsels and glittering stars, looking like a creation out of a child’s most imaginative fantasy. Presents big and small, all wrapped up in festive paper, rested at the foot of the tree, “Nice, isn’t it, Dave?”

“It’s… beautiful,” I said, and could say nothing more. For that was the word, the only word, to describe it. As the word softly left my mouth I realised what feeling I so much missed. One I had longed for for a long, long time, but throughout the years almost came to forget. But here, standing in that dining room, standing next to a boy full of grins, full of warmth, that indescribable feeling of hominess seemed to spring from those very walls, linger in the air, before wrapping around me like a soft, soft blanket. My eyes seemed to moisten.

“Are you OK, Dave? You seem a little flustered!” His fingers played with the hair on the back of my neck.

“I’m fine. It’s—it’s just a bit overwhelming at first. That’s all,” I said softly, my eyes resting on a candle flame that seemed to mesmerise my very being with its skipping and dancing.

“Oh... how so? You’re not dreading to meet the in-laws are you?” He poked me in the tummy, making little butterflies, which were resting at first, flutter and fly. My stomach tensed as a reflex.

“In-laws? What, are we supposed to be engaged now?” I joked back, though before he drew my attention to the fact I would be meeting his parents any moment now I had forgotten what it was that made me pace back and forth on the doorstep so nervously before ringing the doorbell with a trembling finger. The reminder of his parents seeing me for the first time made me all of a sudden conscious of how I looked, how I was dressed, how to hide my slightly trembling hands and to conceal my perspiring palms. How I had to quickly think of something to say so that I would appear and actually be interesting. The anxieties that before had temporarily ebbed away seemed to all of a sudden flood forcibly back.

“Are we not? I mean we’ve been together all day practically everyday. My parents are starting to wonder whether I’ve actually moved out, and who’s been stealing me away from them.” He smiled, silently communicating to me who the ‘culprit’ was, while his fingers tip-toed on my shoulders.

“They think that? Really?” What he said did not calm my nerves or settle the butterflies now not just flying, but trying to fly away. Though I knew it was a joke. Or at least I hoped it was a joke.

“Ah! You can ask for yourself!” Leo said, as he shifted toward the door leading to the corridor. I was so focused on him and on the muddle of thoughts disturbed by anxiety that I did not even notice that someone had appeared before us.

“So you’re David!” she exclaimed, surprising me with the excitement in her voice, the kind of excitement reserved only for people you have been wanting to meet, but never had the chance. Until now.

My jaw tensed as I nervously stretched out my hand. “I—I’m David. It—it’s a pleasure to meet you, Mrs Herzmann.” I looked blankly at the face in front of me, absolutely petrified to make direct eye contact. For many moments my mind went blank.

Leo’s mum smiled, grabbing my hand and unexpectedly pulling me close to give me a brief but at the same time snug half-hug. I froze stiff in her embrace, but it felt strangely comforting to be held, held like a mother would hold a child. Her arm remained resting around my shoulders, gently patting it like you would to encourage a scared little boy to be less afraid, to be more comfortable with himself.

“It’s so lovely to finally meet you, David! Leonardo’s told us so much about you, haven’t you, Leonardo?” Her voice was soft and pleasant, the kind that would be difficult to imagine could ever be raised. She glanced at Leo standing at my side and gave him a slight wink; a wink that revealed there was something only the two of them, and no one else, knew. And I definitely was not in the know.

“Well, how can I stop talking about Dave?” Leo answered, chuckling while giving me a little nudge on the shoulder.

How embarrassed I was! First, by the unexpected, but warm hug from a complete stranger, one that I had been dreading to meet, then by Leo’s subtly suggestive comment. I did what I did best when embarrassed, smile nervously. Smile, hoping that the smile would cover my slightly shivering body, and calm my churning insides. All the sentences I practised over and over again inside my head on my way here so I would have something interesting to say vanished, leaving my mind with a hollow echo. I smiled a little more, but behind the weak upturned lips my teeth ground.

“Oh David, it’s so nice to have you here! Please don’t feel shy and by all means make yourself at home.” Her hazel eyes shimmered with a pleasant kindness, surrounded by faint, tranquil shades of green that made her gaze all the more welcoming and warm. “I’m pretty sure Leonardo will make you feel more comfortable, right?” Again, she stole a glance at Leo, grinning about something that was shared by the grin starting to appear on Leo’s face again.

“I—I—I really would like to thank you and your family for having me over, Mrs Herzmann,” I managed to stutter out, “I—I really can’t thank you enough.” She listened attentively, her eyes holding onto mine throughout my attempt to make myself heard and make my heart-felt appreciation known.

“Oh, you’re so polite! Please, David, call me Angela,” she said, her hand patting my shoulder blade a couple of times, “And there’s really no need to thank me. We really want you to join us for Christmas. When Leonardo told me how you’d be all alone, having you with us was the first thing that came to my mind. Especially after I realised how close you two are.”

How close we were…? How close were we actually…? My eyes grew wide and wondered how much she knew about ‘us’.

“Hi, dad!” Leo suddenly said cheerfully.

Before I could make out who he was talking to, a middle-aged man started putting one arm around Angela while giving her a quick peck on the cheek. Smiling sympathetically he turned to me and extended his hand. “You must be the much-talked about David. A warm welcome to the family, David, I’m Jan. It’s really great to meet you, and I sure hope Leonardo’s been treating you well!”

“Oh, dad! You know how very nice I can be to people other than you and mum!” Leo joked, “Especially to Dave!” He giggled slightly putting his hands in front of his mouth like an excited boy.

Things were happening so fast, so randomly and so confusingly my head was starting to spin. What were they saying? They seemed to be communicating in a foreign language, with foreign gestures that I did not understand, yet somehow I was the centre of their attention. And I never liked to be the centre of attention. My nervousness showed in the weakness of my hand in Leo’s dad’s firm, but friendly grip, and my words: “I—it’s a pleasure to me—meet you, Mr Herzmann. I—I want to thank you both for having me over. I really hope I—I’m not intruding.”

“You really don’t have to keep on thanking us, David. It’s really not a problem at all, and you’re definitely not intruding,” Angela said, her arm around my neck tightening a little to reassure me that she was in every way sincere. “Just relax, and enjoy yourself! OK, David?” My nervousness showed. Her wavy, brown locks danced as she nodded in the hope that I would understand.

“Yeah, David, as far as we’re concerned you’re part of family, and Christmas is all about family celebrating what they share together,” Jan said. The sound of his voice resembled a gentle father trying to explain to a naive child who was unsure about the meaning of so many, many things in the world. A father I missed and longed for. “Really, we want you to be comfortable here, to be comfortable with us, and to make this place your home for as many days as you want.” He placed a hand on my shoulder as he finished. The corners of his lips turned up to reveal a sympathetic smile as he gave me a wink. The clear blue eyes that revealed such an earnest welcome were so very similar to the ones I had grown fond of losing myself in. For a moment Leo’s parents embraced me in a homely circle of genuine hospitality. The four of us, standing there together in the bright, warm hallway, were just starting to share. “After all, since Leo’s been mysteriously not coming home for the last couple of days, maybe when you’re here, he won’t disappear as much!”

So what Leo said earlier was true after all. My lips locked themselves together tightly, like the guilty person who dares utter a single word, let alone make a sound. For a few moments it was as if the silence could swallow me whole.

“Leonardo, why don’t you show David around a bit?” Angela asked, turning to Leo, “Your dad and I have to finish cooking, so you boys go busy yourselves.” What a funny way to put it.

Leo looked at me with a playful little grin, as if he was so very pleased and proud about, something he had been waiting so long to show off. “Sure! We’ll be, uh—uh, upstairs…” He covered his mouth, and tried not to laugh, and almost as an afterthought said: “Busy.” With that he quickly grabbed me by the arm and yanked me from where I awkwardly stood wondering what to do besides wrestle with my restless fingers.

I hesitated a bit, and looked at Leo, silently telling him to wait. “D—do you maybe need some help? I—I feel bad not doing anything,” I offered, secretly hoping that maybe I could do something, anything to make myself useful. Being useful was a way I could not be myself.

Angela and Jan both started smiling, and almost simultaneously: “Oh, David!” Angela finished the sentence off: “It’s so kind of you to offer, but we’ll really be fine thanks! Besides, you’re here to relax and enjoy yourself, not to be put to work!” She winked, as her hand lightly ruffled through my hair. Surprised at first, at the unexpected touch, the way her fingers combed through my hair gently brought back pleasant memories…The wink, the glisten in her eyes, and the sound of my hair rubbing together like how grass makes slight hushing sounds as they dance in the gentlest of breezes... Mum used to ruffle my hair when I was little, when I did something sweet. When I did something that made her smile, and she made me feel like I was her special, special boy. Somehow…she suddenly stopped doing that. “You boys run along, OK? We’ll call you when dinner is ready.” The deep dimples adorning her cheeks made clear from whom Leo inherited his trademark.

Before I could answer, Leo impatiently tugged me up a flight of stairs, his giggles and footsteps leading the way. Halfway up, a little burdened by random thoughts and musings, I slowed down a little. “Leo?”

“Hm, Dave?” He stopped running, and hopped down to stand on the same step I was on. His eyes were so close to mine that I could almost feel his lashes brush against my own. “Is something the matter?” It was peculiar, yet comforting that he seemed to always know when something was on my mind.

“Nothing’s wrong. But it’s just… just… Do you think your parents like me?” I asked, though a little embarrassed to do so.

“Like you? They love you!” He spoke with such enthusiasm there was no shred of doubt in his voice, and that reassured me. Almost as an afterthought he quickly blurted out: “And I don’t think they’re the only ones. I mean you’re polite, so kind, and even offered to help around. What’s not to love about you, Dave?” The tip of his nose played a game of rub with mine.

“I just feel a little awkward and nervous. You know how I am. And can be,” I replied. For some reason I felt I needed to make them like me, or at least make a good impression so that they would like me. Though usually that was the way I wanted to make people I meet for the first time feel about me, with them it was because of much more than that. They were the parents of Leo. The parents of the one person I feel so close to, and the one person I lo— like so much.

“I know, but just be yourself! I mean you’re warm and lovable the way you are without having to make any effort.” In his smile and in his voice was that comforting and calming insight which bit by bit has been building up my confidence, and been telling me that I was someone who could be, who could feel and receive deep, deep emotions like any other. And as if he wanted to convince me even more, his hands pulled my face a little closer to his, closing the distance between our moist, but thirsty lips.

“They’re such great parents… So kind, so friendly,” I said, thinking back at the winks and grins that Leo’s mum made, “So accepting. Of—of us.” I thought and wondered whether my mum would be as accepting… whether I could also take Leo home one day and show him to my mum and be as proud and as confident as Leo was right now.

“Yeah, they really are wonderful parents. I’m lucky, I guess. But, come on!” he said, and started to pull me up the stairs again, and into a room in what appeared to be the attic.

“What’s the big rush?” I asked, “You don’t have another one of your surprises for me in your room, do you?”

“Hm, maybe,” he grinned playfully and nonchalantly flung the door shut behind us. He pushed me into the middle of the loft, while his arms closed in around me from behind. “You know, Dave, all I ever need in my life is in this room.” The way his whisper tickled my ear and warm breath played with the hairs on the back of my neck made me blush and smile so much.

Leo’s room was pretty big, and from where I was standing I could see a big white cupboard against one wall, and a large glass desk close to a wide window overlooking snow-laden branches of trees. Next to it was a grand piano, black and slick and reflecting shiningly in the light. The navy blue carpet contrasted with the light tinted wall paper and pale décor of the rest of the room. I breathed in deeply, and the air seemed to be forever saturated with that lovely lingering scent of Leo, the scent I could never get enough of, and of which the more I breathed in it seemed to make me more and more addicted. The double bed, hugged by a soft, warm duvet with black and white stripes, looked enticingly welcoming in the far corner.

I turned, my slim frame brushing and rotating around as if in a romantic slow-dance in the embrace of his long, tender arms, to face him. I gently pulled on the tinsel around his neck, glittering under the soft ceiling light, as my heart smiled. “Well, the way you decorated yourself with tinsel, I’m guessing you’re the surprise!” He was the biggest and best gift of all, all wrapped up and waiting to be opened.

“Well, go ahead then! Open me!” With that Leo closed his eyes, as I begun to unwrap him, my fingers feeling warm and tickly as they fiddled with the splendid sash and occasionally brushing against his smooth cheeks.

At first, it seemed difficult to open up, and there were one or two moments I felt frustrated at how I was so clumsy and new in this whole experience, but with time and practice, the knot was soon undone. I let the strings of tinsel drape on his shoulders and on mine, so that where our bodies were connected and surrounded by the fine, sparkling garland. I leaned in and softly placed my lips on his neck, as my eyes closed as well. Our bodies were much more connected and surrounded than what could be seen and touched. I breathed in, deeply, causing my insides to quiver in delight.

“It’s so romantic like this, don’t you think?” he asked, his voice low and echoing with lust as his hands felt down my back. “You know what I want to do and have been wanting to do ever since we met?”

“Kiss me?”

“Well, yeah!” he replied and gave me a quick playful peck, “But something else too.” With that he led me over to the piano, sat the both of us down, and eagerly opened the cover to reveal a set of polished white and black keys.

“You never told me you played the piano.”

“You never asked, so… surprise! And I know this great song I heard recently. Maybe you know it too,” he said, and threw that mischievous wink of his at me, “I’ll play, and if you know it, then sing along, OK, Dave?”

“Sing? You’ll probably like me less if you hear me sing.”

“I’ll like you no matter what. Because, Dave,” he said, his finger lovingly stroking the corner of my cheek, “You’re still you.” Softly his lashes covered his eyes, and in that second just before his fingers stroked the keyboard, a serene and gentle smile spread across his face. It was like the familiar face of the smooth, full moon in a dark, dark night sky which made all the darkness around it all go away.

Around us, musical notes flew. They floated and flowed like an invisible meandering stream through the room, its motion so delicate and fragile I held my breath and tried to do the same with my heart beat.

“Through the darkness…” Leo began, his voice fragile, tranquil, almost a hushed whisper flowing together with the lyrical music that drifted and drifted in the air, “I can see your light…” His eyes centred on me, capturing mine, adding to what the words in my ears whispered, and whispered still, “And you will always shine, And I can feel your heart in mine…Your face I've memorized…” In the blue hue of his eyes there was a slight shimmer.“I idolize just you…”

“I look up to…” His fingers lightly tapped the keyboard, every single touch seemingly transforming the mood surrounding us, and taking us further and further down the meandering stream, further and further away from the room, into a world of melodious words and poetic music. “Everything you are… In my eyes you do no wrong… I've loved you for so long, And after all is said and done…” He closed his eyes softly, and then opened them again to gently direct them to the object of his song. “You're still you… After all…You're still you…” I felt my body shiver, as my chest warmed and my head swarmed with indescribable feelings…

“You walk past me… I can feel your pain…” I did not know the words, but as soon as they danced and drifted into my ears the words knew me. “Time changes everything… One truth always stays the same,” My heart paced and longed for that beautiful line, so short, so simple, yet so very meaningful, “You're still you… After all…You're still you…”

Leo’s long fingers and hands danced nimbly and freely over the piano on and on. Through the words that soothed and comforted, my shivering arms reached out and caressed his body. The touch between us felt fresh, felt new, felt like the very first time when our fingers so innocently and ever so slightly brushed across each other…

“I look up to… Everything you are...” Music can move, and in those moments the music moved me. The music captured in and around us those emotions so difficult to put into words. The angelic music and shy words met and mingled like fate had destined them to be. Of so many notes, of the countless words, it was as if under Leo’s graceful fingers and through his delicate lips the perfect match magically coupled together. “In my eyes you do no wrong… And I believe in you, Although you never asked me to, I will remember you, And what life put you through…” I closed my eyes and felt the stream flow through them… felt the emotions, the memories flow through them, flow down the tranquil meandering stream and gather in the notes that flew and floated in the air…

“And in this cruel and lonely world… I found one love—e—e—” Leo’s voice gently wavered in that last, long word. A word perhaps difficult to say, but so easily sung. His head affectionately leaned toward me, his closed eyes opening slowly and slowly as they drew closer to my own. “You're still you…” In his pupils I could see the soothing reflection of the shimmering in my eyes. “After all…You're still you…”

The music stopped. The air was still. A fragile silence after the mesmerising moments before that was treasured in order to collect together the words that were lost because of the breathtaking beauty and magic of the whole experience.

“So…” Leo began shyly, his eyes locked onto mine.

A tiny tear ebbed from the corner of my eye. “Oh, Leo…”

“It was so bad it made you cry?” he joked as his finger lightly wiped the tear away, tracing down my cheek and eventually landed on his bottom lip, across which he tenderly dabbed the moisture.

“No…” I did not know how else to tell him how his song made me feel, except through the gentle cuddle of my lips on his. I could taste the subtle saltiness of my own tear. After that song, even the kiss felt like our first… that first subtle, gentle brush which sent me adrift, dreaming and drowning…

“Hmmmmm,” he muffled, “I really should start singing to you more!”

“That was amazing. So sweet. So meaningful.”

“Are you talking about the song or the kiss now?”

“The song and the kiss it led to,” I answered gleefully. “Thank you—Thank you… It was like you were singing to me. As if that song was for me.” My fingers ran through his hair and seemingly became numb in that soft silky sensation.

“Well, it was, Dave. There was no one else around!” He chuckled and tickled me around the arms, “Don’t thank me, thank Josh Groban. When I heard it the other day, I thought it would be the perfect gift for you. And the words are a lot of what I want to say to you.” He paused, looked sideways a bit, and looked back at me again. “And more.”

“Leo?”

“Hm, Dave?” He raised his eyebrows, as if in anticipation.

“I—I want to say something to you, but…” But I was afraid.

“Oh, if there’s anything you want to say, just go ahead.” As if it was that easy to say.

“It’s just that…” Just that he had no idea what he made me feel. My hands ventured boldly to caress his cheeks.

“What, Dave?” He frowned a little, but the calm look on his face never left.

“Well, I—I—” I did not know what came over me, but pressing my lips against his seemed like the natural thing to do. Seemed like the easiest thing to do.

“Hmmmm. You know, you really don’t need to hesitate to kiss me, Dave!” He was grinning widely, though I wondered whether he would still be grinning after I told him what I wanted to say.

“I—I just wanted to say…” I swallowed, hoping that would force the word up, though realised by swallowing it probably forced the feeling down into my stomach. “I wanted to say that I…” I caressed his cheeks and looked into the soft blue of his eyes. We were so close, so very, very close. I was so very close to saying it. “That I—”

The door creaked. “Oh, my! How embarrassing. Oh…”

We both turned toward the door, our hands still holding one another’s bodies, while the tinsel continued to wrap around us.

“Oh, I didn’t know you were…” Long blond hair swayed loosely around her shoulders. The girl… in the canteen… outside the door in History class… the one Leo was so into, the one he was flirting with… the one who ruffled his hair with her hands, and made Leo blush… She stood in the doorway, an expression of utter shock on her face. Her gaping mouth seemed to let out an inaudible scream. I could hear it. I could feel it.

Leo’s hands stayed where they were, but mine shyly retreated, hoping she did not notice the way it was playing with his hair the moment she barged in on us and caught us… “Marianne! You know there’s such a thing as knocking,” Leo said, much to my surprise, in his usual calm voice and posture. He was not angry, did not seem the least embarrassed. Unlike me, sitting there shivering next to him, and hoping, most likely in vain, that the blushing would not show.

“Oh, I’m soooo sorry. I just wanted to say that dinner is ready. I’d better go—” she nervously said, one hand covering her mouth, and the other one tugging at the long hair over her shoulders. Who… who was she?

“Well, since you’re here, might as well meet Dave,” Leo said, standing up with his arm still around my shoulders, “Dave, this is Marianne, my…” In that split second before the next word rolled out of his mouth, my thumping heart was in my throat, as a million words and countless questions raced in my mind. Girlfriend…? Lover…? Mistress…?

“…sister.” A grin flashed across his face as he looked at mine which showed the opposite of a grin.

“Huh?” I stood up, looked at both of them in the face and gasped. Shocked, I was, perhaps as shocked as her expression when she walked through the door and caught us… My fears, my uncertainties answered by one simple revelation.

“You seem surprised, Dave. Who did you think she was?”

She inched timidly closer to where we were, head hanging a little low, the redness on her cheeks still showing. “Well, I—I thought she was your girlfrie—” I stuttered, and to be honest was very embarrassed.

“GIRLFRIEND?!” They cried out, one after the other, nonetheless both equally amazed by what I did not manage to finish. They looked at one another, with cheeky smiles spreading across their faces which turned soon into suppressed chuckles.

“What? What’s so funny?” I naively asked, my mouth contorted sideways.

“I guess it’s just funny how you got that impression,” Marianne answered, still smiling, and sharing the deep dimples also seen on Leo’s cheeks. There indeed were resemblances between the two, not just in the way they smiled, but also in the glaze in their eyes, their full pouty lips, and fine hair.

“Well—well, it’s the times I’ve seen you two around school,” I said, “And I—I guess I was a little afraid that Leo would be—you know…” Perhaps not just afraid, but jealous too.

“And just to be clear, Dave,” Leo began, but just before finishing off his face suddenly turned serious, while he wagged his finger in front of me, “I did not have sexual relations with this woman.”

I coyly covered my mouth to muffle the uncontrollable bursts of laughter caused by having just witnessed a very realistic re-enactment of one of the biggest lies ever told. The laughter, and the fact that I now knew who Marianne was, eased my unease.

“LEO!” Marianne shouted, and tried to strike a punch on his shoulder, before turning to me and saying: “How can you put up with his terrible sense of humour?”

Leo duck away and playfully hid behind me. “You see what I’ve got to put up with at home? So violent!”

“Maybe I can hit him for you,” I said, and lightly elbowed Leo behind me. Remembering the lyrics of the soulful song he just sang, I turned around to stick my tongue out at him, teasing him: “And you thought I could do no wrong!”

“That’s it! Get him,” Marianne said excitedly, “Hm, I’m liking you already, Dave. And I guess I can see why Leo does too.”

“You—you know about—us?” I asked, though even I was still somewhat hesitating about what ‘us’ meant.

“Sure I do! I mean just walking in on you two lovebirds here didn’t really leave much to the imagination,” she replied, her voice soft and cheerful, and a stark contrast to the first few moments when we were so unexpectedly and forcedly ‘introduced’. Though, that did not stop the blush and surge of embarrassed warmth take over my cheeks at the word she used to describe ‘us’. “Besides, Leo’s been going on about you for like weeks now! The way you look, the way you talk, all the things you do together. Well, everything except the ‘juicy’ bits!”

I looked at Leo, and saw him blushing too. Grinning, he shook his head, as if trying to deny what Marianne had just revealed, but it just seemed to make his face go even redder. I smiled, because my mind danced remembering the ‘juicy bits’. Smiled, because it felt so refreshing and uplifting to know that someone has been talking positively about… about me. And about…us. “And am I anything like what he said?”

“Yeah, but in person it’s much different,” she said, and reached over to grab me by the arm. Very unexpectedly she leapt over and caught me completely off guard with a quick bear hug. “Oh, Dave! You don’t know how happy I am to see my big brother so happy and so in looooooove!”

“NO, I’m NOT!” Leo immediately protested and pouted his lips. He quickly turned to me, his face the expression of someone who had just been out-ed unwillingly, and frantically tried to apologetically explain: “She—she just likes to gossip and spread rumours, Dave. So—so—so don’t pay attention to what she says.”

At first, I winced from the abruptness of her touch but, remembering Angela’s hug before, told myself such showing of affection perhaps ran in the family. Soon enough, being in the middle of this sibling tit-for-tat, it became quite amusing.

“Oh, don’t you deny it, Leo!” Marianne said, pointed at her brother, “Look how red your face is! And look at that grin on your face!”

“You!” But his cheeks were blushing still, and even more. “You just get your hands off my Dave!” And he was grinning, grinning like he knew there was some truth in the accusations, but was too embarrassed to admit it.

“Uh, I guess…” I said, “I guess there’s enough of me to go around!” We broke out in laughter, light, free laughter, rejoicing in the spirit of new-found friendship and newly-discovered traces of, dare I use the word, love.

It was an awkward word, not just to say, or sing about, or write down, but also to capture and to feel. Perhaps because I did not fully understand it, or what it meant, what it really meant. But I was, in the past few days, numbed numerous times by these sudden strange urges to wonder whether the light, free sensation, or the warm, fuzzy feeling, or the bursts of shared intimacy, or the breath-taking silent stares into one another’s eyes…whether those, and many more magical moments were moments of… of love. I did not know.

Yet, throughout the evening with Leo’s family I was exposed to even more instances of warmth and cosiness and affection that were hard to put into words. I was still somewhat reserved, and perhaps overly polite, at the dinner table, but soon enough Marianne and Leo’s joking around and mock bickering lightened my discomfort. Between easy conversation about everything and anything, Angela and Jan kept on offering more food and drinks and told me I needed to “eat, eat, eat!” Somehow they decided to set themselves the goal of “beefing me up” over the next few days. Only in the way the scented candle sticks crowned with a flame swayed at the slightest movements in the air was there any signal of the unexpected and swift passage of time.

After the delightful dining and wining, we shifted to the living room and sat down around the open fire. Little sparkling dust and stars decorated the flat surfaces around the living room, transforming the place into a little marvellous heaven. Our faces glowed magnificently orange, yet ever so gently from the bright flames of the blazing fire, as we sat huddled close together and enjoyed one another’s pleasant company over slow, still sips of warm, warm tea. We talked, we bonded and we shared, in precious moments decorated with the wonderful gift of laughter and unfading, natural smiles, accompanied with the chorus of Christmas carols and bells chiming softly in the background. The sweet, sublime scent of pines mingling together with the aroma of fresh wood cracking from the depths of the fire that freely swayed and tossed its head, filled the room and our lungs with bliss. Dried acorns rested cosily, nestling snugly with fragrant chestnuts and colourfully decorated sweets in little baskets here and there. It was in the details, the carefully thought out and decorated details down to the last sprays of artificial snow on the pine cones and branches. The whole atmosphere felt so…cosy, so… warm…so full of…of the very feelings and moments that I had been having difficulty describing.

“Just before we call it a night,” Jan said, “There’s a tradition in our family at Christmas, and that’s to remember something that you’re thankful for in the past year, and to wish for something you want for the coming year.”

“Aw! Not that again. It’s embarrassing!” Leo complaint and frowned like a kid in protest.

“Well, since you love it so much, why don’t you start, Leonardo,” his mum said and nudged him to go ahead.

“Hmmm, I’m thankful for everything I’ve been given and wish for what I’m going to get!” Leo grinned, as if gleeful of his clever pun.

“Oh, I’m thankful for having such wonderful loving parents, and I wish everyone a happy and healthy year!” Marianne said.

“That’s so sweet, Marianne,” Angela said, “And I’m thankful for the kindness of so many strangers I’ve met at work this year and wish grandma’s health will improve.”

“And I’m thankful for having a supportive wife and two naughty children, and wish this family all the best of everything in the world” Jan made his wish, and sympathetically turned to me. “It’s your turn now, David. You’re part of family too!”

“Oh, wow, thanks,” I said, genuinely touched that I have been so warmly welcomed into their lives, into their home, and into their hearts. “I—I’m thankful,” I began and paused slightly before having the courage to finish, “…for a special someone who came into my life, and wish that this person will be forever filled with happiness and love.” I glanced in Leo’s direction, and saw him look at me, look at me deeply.

“Aw, David, this must be a very special someone,” Angela said and winked, “How lucky this person must be!”

“Alright kids, it’s way past your bedtime, so better get going!” Jan joked as he stood up, and signalling us all to get upstairs.

Marianne went first, to be greeted with hugs from the parents who were standing at the bottom of the stairwell. Leo walked toward them, and I followed closely behind.

“Well, son, merry Christmas,” Jan said as he gave Leo a quick hug and two pats on the back. His mum joined in, but held onto him more tightly, and much longer. I stood behind them, admiring and awed by the snug hugs cuddled with the warm intimacies between them.

“You too, David,” Angela suddenly said, her head resting over Leo’s shoulder turning to me, “Come here.” She beckoned me over with her hand on Leo’s back. “We can’t keep you out of this!”

I took small steps toward Leo and his mum, but as I drew closer, Angela’s arm suddenly swept me in, sweeping me forward and my face to come between the snug space between her and Leo’s cheeks. Our faces caressed one another comfortably, as I felt multiple arms wrap around my thin, slightly shivering body. I was overwhelmed by the touch, and the feelings that they seemed to secretly solicit from deep down inside.

“Boys, having you two together just made this Christmas even more special,” Angela whispered, the delicateness of her breathing and words warmly flowing over my face.

“Thanks, Mum. Thanks for being so understanding and accepting,” Leo said, “I love you, Mum.” The last words, words I have not often had the chance to say, made my eyes moist.

“Thank you, Angela. Thank you, Jan,” I said, swallowing back some outpouring of emotions that if not held back could very well burst, “Thank you for making me feel so welcome and so much like a part of your family. Thank you so much…” I trailed off. I knew not what other words than those two simple words, which were so short and easy, but conveyed a whole lot more.

“Oh, Dave, you don’t need to keep on thanking us. We love having you with us, and you’re welcome to come here whenever you want. This is your home too,” Angela said, and those words made me realise that... that the home I have been looking and longing for is not just where you live, but where you are loved.

“Well, boys,” Jan said as we slowly released one another from the embrace, “Time to get to bed. David, you could take the guest room, or if you’d like to stay in the loft with Leo, there’s an extra mattress in—”

“Uh, honey,” Angela interrupted, “I think they’ll be fine figuring out where and how to position themselves, won’t you boys?” Again, that mischievous grin and wink.

“Yeah, sure, Mum!” Leo said hastily and grabbed me by the arm and pulled me up the stairs. “Good night!”

I could not contain my laughter at the suddenness of it all, but managed to turn around and walk backwards a few steps, while managing to shout down to his parents: “Good night! Have a good sleep!”

In his room again, it felt a little chilly. “Brrrr, it’s cold!” Leo said as he began to strip off his jumper and trousers, so that he was standing there in his boxer shorts and cotton T-shirt. His chest showed through the thin snow-white fabric, and the little hairs on his thighs glistened in the light. The front of his shorts protruded outward a bit. I felt myself become excited at the sight of this beautiful boy before me. “It’s soooo cold! Come on, let’s get into bed!”

“Where do I sleep?” I asked, though I knew where already. Or at least knew where I wanted to. I carefully stripped down to my boxers and T-Shirt. I could feel his eyes follow my every move, feel his eyes trace every contour and curve of my slender figure.

“You take the right side,” he answered, pointing, “And I’ll take the left.”

“Oh…” I said, trying to sound disappointed as I climbed onto my side while lifting the duvet, “And the blanket? Do I get my own?”

He had already hopped under the duvet, and was grinning. “Heh! This isn’t a luxury hotel. You’re going to have to share. And just to let you know I take up a lot of blanket.”

“Oh…” I said, “Well, that much I know.” I climbed under the duvet, only to feel it tugged away from me, leaving part of my body exposed, and shivering. I swear that with his back turned toward me I could hear his muffled giggles.

The lights dimmed, and it was almost completely dark, save for a little night-light glowing in a soothing, low tone above the bed. He lay on the far side of his side, tugged on the duvet a little, and giggled a little more. “Hm, I’m going to catch a cold like this.”

“Well, tough!” His body heaved slightly under the duvet, sniggering.

“What, so there’s no goodnight?” I asked, sniffing, trying to sound upset.

With his back still turned to me, “Goodnight!” He was certainly in a funny mood, and I was amused, laughing with him, feeling for him deep inside, and longing to close that empty space between us.

“Oh…” I simply said, but I inched a little closer toward him, my arm exploring the way toward his strong back. “Goodnight then…not exactly the goodnight I expected, but…” My fingers inched closer and closer, until they could feel the soft fabric of his T-Shirt and trace the outline of his body. My heart and lips pulsated with slow, mounting eroticism.

He slowly turned around, until eventually he lay on his side, with his face facing me. He said nothing, but there was nothing to be said, for the desires and longing were written in the air, and spelled out in the soft glaze of his pupils. My body shifted, inching even close, my hands reaching forward, reaching for his hands, reaching for his hair.

“You’re not supposed to cross the middle line!” he barked, “You’re on my bed space now!” He gently licked his lips.

Ignoring his warning, and trespassing his bed space, I inched closer, and closer, until our bodies were separated by a thin sliver. Our fingers played with one another, as our feet wrestled romantically under the soft sheath of the bedcloth.

“I’m warning you!” He moistened his lips. “I’ll have to take counter-measures to deter this invasion into my bed space!” He winked. In anticipation.

“I’ve been warned,” I softly replied, as my arms approached and soft-landed around his body. Pulling him close, I longed for his lips.

“That’s it! Enough warnings,” he blurted out. And the retaliatory measures began, first with an ambush on my lips, with a grappling intensely as if trying to unleash all the energies and longings that have been building up, and could no longer be prolonged. Our noses gently collided, sighing with pleasure and gratification as our tongues touched, tasted and tamed one another in long, powerful bursts of passion. Our bodies rolled under the blanket, twisting and turning as I closed my eyes, and let my heart and feelings roam wild and free. Our hands fondled one another’s bodies, conducting thorough surveys of each and every single inch of the skin surface that beckoned to be conquered, if only temporarily with the soft and soothing caress of our finger tips.

I was drunk, drunk with emotions, drunk with sensations spurred on and multiplied by the foregoing warmth and cosiness that radiated in the family and warmed and cosied me. Yet, it felt so clear in my mind, as if it was refreshed, and replenished with feelings I had not felt for a long time… or perhaps never felt before.

I lay on top of him, hoisted up my upper body and confidence with my elbow so that I could look at him, look at him deeply, closely, and intensely into his loving eyes. “Leo…?”

As if caught in my mesmerising gaze, he intimately looked back and answered: “Hm, Dave?”

“I—I love you.”