Whispers in the Dark - 1. Story

Whispers In The Dark

By: D Writes

“I’ll see you around, okay? You take care.”

Those were the exact words he’d said to me on Christmas Eve, but Christmas turned out to be quite good anyway, even though I’d broken up with him the night before. Four years of unlimited love, passion, and lust all ended in less than a half an hour of my arrival at his apartment. The life I’d lived in those four years was ten times better than the sixteen years that passed by before I came across him at school. But while I was gearing up to surprise him with the notebook computer that he had been dying to buy for two months on Christmas day, he surprises, or rather shocks me, by telling me that he had been secretly 'loving’ someone else behind my back. If this was bad, the worst was that the person whom he had been loving was a girl. I didn’t say anything at that moment because my stomach wanted to suddenly churn out everything that I had eaten earlier.

Goodbye Christmas and New Year celebrations, or so I thought.

On Christmas morning when my parents came in to wish me a Merry Christmas, they didn’t notice the difference. I had mastered the art of putting on a whole new façade whenever I’m with them for all these years. They never knew what was going on in my life...or rather that particular part of my life. Not that they were bad or unconcerned parents. Actually, they were the exact opposite. From a simple homework assignment, to finding the right color of my car, they were there to help me decide and sort out every little piece of my life. They knew everything and everyone that revolved around me. Well, almost.

Just like the joyful and happy times spent with him went unnoticed by my parents, they didn’t come to know what had happened now. I had a veil covered around me that was so thick, that it hid that very part of my life. This veil cloaked a part of the real me from my parents. It shielded them from knowing that I had been crying my heart out the entire night. They thought I was out partying with my friends and came home late last night. I did indeed come home late, not because I was partying, but that I couldn’t think of doing anything logical other than sitting on the city park’s bench for five hours. Doing nothing but just sitting there. Throughout the day, family members, whom I saw only on special family occasions, poured into our house and I was busy with them. It almost seemed normal and I didn’t feel much different, but a tiny part in me knew the real deal. The week went by and New Year’s Eve arrived. In order to not trouble my parents by making them suspicious of the void in my life at present, I decided to go out and not sit at home sulking and blaming my fate.

I’d been invited to three different parties in three different corners of the city. I hadn’t planned on going to any of them, but had to change plans, and so I decided to go to the one which he wasn’t invited to. The only problem was that I would hardly know anyone at that party, other than the host.

Jenny was my lab partner in our Biochemistry class. She turned out to be a very good partner as she was very good in Chemistry, but wasn’t that good at the Biology part. That wasn’t be a huge deal because she could tap in to my somewhat large pool of knowledge in that particular subject. We were almost the perfect couple. The main reason why I was drawn to her was because of her normal and balanced character. She wasn’t the usual dorky geek kind of girl that could be found in large numbers in the Biotechnology Department of the university, nor was she the flamboyant and outrageous kind who had no sense as to what they were doing there. Jenny seemed to have a balance in life, and in thoughts as well, and when I came out to her, she didn’t freak out, or behave like a proud fag hag. If I were into the feminine gender, I swear I would have asked her to marry me on the very first day I met her. Yes, she impressed me that much.

When I reached her house which was near the old warehouse-turned-gym, my mind started thinking the same thoughts that I’d had the hundred or more times I’d come to her place. 'Man, she’s one lucky girl to have a jackpot view of every stud going in and coming out of the gym.’ Yeah, I know I can be a bit perverted, but blame it on my hormones that had refused to calm down even though I’ve gotten past my teenage years. I knocked on her door and some young kid who I had never seen before cocked his head out of the half-open door.

“Yeah? What do you want?” he asked.

“Is Jenny home?” I asked him.

“Who are you, and how do you know Jenny?” he asked me back while raising an eye brow.

I was not in the mood for a game of questions and answers. This person was starting to get on my nerves because not even Jenny’s parents were so inquisitive. They were polite, and after I’d told them who I was, they were very accommodating; and as far I knew, Jenny was their only child, so this person couldn’t be her brother. Besides, Jenny’s, and this boy’s personalities didn’t have any resemblance. As if it was heaven’s turn to intervene, Jenny called from inside the house.

“Who’s there at the door, Sid?”

So this kid’s name was Sid, I thought.

“That’s what I’ve been trying to ask him, but instead of telling me who he is, he’s trying to act smart and keeps on asking questions”, Sid replied back.

I openly rolled my eyes at him. This definitely infuriated him, but before he could say anything, Jenny appeared at the door.

“Oh, hi Aman! C’mon in,” she smiled at me and opened the door wider so I could walk inside.

“Hey Jenny! How’s everything shaping up?” I inquired to get details about the party, but she looked at me in mock surprise, and then looked down at her chest and asked me, “It doesn’t lookthat big, does it?”

“Huh! What?” I blinked as I had no idea what she was talking about. She smacked the back of my head and went into the corridor laughing.

“Where’s your sense of humor today, Aman? Aren’t you the one who’s always there to bring a smile on a drooping face whenever you see one?”

I shrugged, but then realized what she meant earlier and giggled a bit and said, “Naughty girl. Okay, so tell me, where’s the party happening?”

“Down in the basement, Dad’s old workshop, and by the way, that was Sid, my cousin. He lives in Noida and he’s a senior at Mayoor High, trying to be the so-called 'jock’, I guess. Sorry about his cocky behavior, Aman.” Jenny apologized.

“No worries, Jenny.” I tried to assure her. “Besides, I didn’t have an ounce of doubt whether I could handle him or not, Jen, and he’s almost three inches shorter than me, so I think I could’ve handled the situation if anything would have gotten out of hand,” I jokingly added.

“Ha-ha. Now that’s the Aman I know,” she winked at me and beckoned me downstairs. Before going down she hollered to Sid who seemed to have disappeared after our interesting first meeting, “Don’t forget to get the drinks from the chiller, Sid. Or else you’re cleaning the after-party mess...ALONE.”

The party turned out to be fun and I met some new and interesting folks. When I was with him, although I knew what was going on and who were around me, only he seemed to be the object of my consciousness. The masterpiece of God’s own hands. Though I do not deny the important role he played in my life, I realized that I had somewhat missed enjoying my life to the fullest. I didn’t want to get to know the people around me then as much as I wanted to now. Now I came to know who Jenny hung out with because, other than going to her house for school-work, I never got to know her very well. I even got along with Sid after hanging out with him for sometime. I won’t say I severed ties with my old friends, but I was ready for new beginnings. Beginnings where my life wouldn’t start and end on one particular person. Or would it?

But for several nights, the shadows of the past relationship crept up on me on a regular basis. I could feel them whisper those moments that I had spent with him. They were making me feel the numerous kisses we shared. I could hear the shadows say, “Je T’aime, mon amour,” constantly. Simple reminders like that kept me up all night. I was afraid to go to sleep or even switch off the lights fearing the feeling of heartbreak would return and I’d not be able to hold back the tears. I wasn’t exactly shy of shedding some tears, because I knew that if I didn’t, I’d go insane, and I surely didn’t want to go insane just because of the cruel way he’d damaged my life. I could feel the scythe cut my heart into uncountable pieces, and each piece seemed to hurt more than the other and cry out louder. I longed for him but as days went by, I had learned to cope with the loss. I decided that if he could go on and be happy, I could, too. I took on the challenge to take control of the shadows and make them listen this time, that this was it and that I wanted them to listen to my whispers this time. The shadows in my life were worse than the nightmares I had when I was a child. I’ve had enough, and I replied to the shadows that they would never have the best of me. I was more worthy than what they whispered to me. If they wanted to break me down, they’d have to lie and make me feel worse, but I’d told them that I’d had enough. He broke me once and he would never be able to do it over and over again with these shadows of poisoned love. This time was gonna be about me, and not about him anymore.

January passed by with those shadows tormenting me, and February rolled in. The chilly winter weather started to warm up a little. The flowers were just ready to spring out to complete beautiful blossoms and the mango trees were in their full golden bloom. It seemed that this would be a particularly good season for the mango farmers. The young chicks in the nests were chirping happily as the brilliant sun rays cut through the thick boroughs. Squirrels were hurrying up and down the tree trunks like they do every single day of the year, except the cold winter months. Spring had officially arrived, and so was the spring semester for the schools and colleges in Delhi.

I rushed though my morning necessities and got ready for school. It would not look good to be late for class on the first day of the new semester, would it? Jenny and I signed in for the same classes so there was no doubt that we’d be together for our classes. Just to make sure, I called her on her cell phone as I came rushing down the flight of stairs of my bedroom to the kitchen to grab something for breakfast. I listened to Celine Dion croon her hit 'Taking Chances’ on Jenny’s caller tune and I thought how apt this song was to start a new day with. A smile crept up my face as Celine sang of not being sure what lay ahead, but that shw was ready to take chances. Just as the song’s clip was about to end, Jenny all but screamed on the phone,

“Where the hell are you?! Classes start in ten minutes and you’re not in sight.”

“I’ll be there in five minutes, Jenny,” I told her as I munched through some toasts.

She heard me munching my breakfast and freaked out, “Oh my God! You’re just eating your breakfast NOW! Oh God...Oh God... Hurry up, slow poke.”

When it comes to getting overtly nervous, Jenny would be the last one to freak out, but this time was an exception. Maybe because she had something genuine to freak out about this time and she was right about it. If I didn’t leave for school soon I would be so late that I’d have to skip my first class which I totally didn’t want to because something exciting happens every semester in the first class, but I just didn’t know if I was ready for that 'excitement’ this time. I shrugged off my thoughts and tried to calm Jenny down a bit before I hung up the phone.

“I’m just about to grab my car keys and be with you in a few minutes, okay? So just meet me near the fountain. See ya.” I didn’t wait for her to respond and hung up.

The ride to school was short and fast as I lived very near the college campus. I usually didn’t take my car to school, but I had to take it with me this time as I had to go to work at the music store after classes. The traffic in Delhi can be labeled amongst the worst man-made disasters in history, and with the construction of the Delhi Metro going on in full swing, a five minute distance would take up to an hour. Thankfully it was still quite early for the office goers to be on the road and I crossed the Birla Temple in less than two minutes which meant that I had covered more than half the distance to my school. As I drove along, I just prayed that there wouldn’t be any traffic at the Metro intersection because if there was, then I was surely going to be late. Fortunately, my prayers were answered and there wasn’t any significant amount of traffic and I cleared the signal and I could see the walls covering the lush lawns of my college in no time. As I neared the main entrance, the college’s mascot – the golden peacock perched on top of wrought iron gate seemed to be welcoming for a new semester, but something about the mascot intrigued me every single time I saw it. Sure, there were cyan ones, and the almost purple ones, but a golden one. I cringed at the thought of who could be that person who came up with the color choice. I parked my car at the student parking lot and hurried myself towards the designated fountain where Jenny and I always used to meet before and after school. I sighed a sigh of relief when I saw her standing there giving me cruel look. I raised both my hands as a sign of surrender. She softened a bit and then burst out laughing.

“You know something, Aman? You’re just too cute to be angry with,” she said and hugged me.

I returned her hug and added to one of her usual jokes, “Well, at least there’s one person on this earth who thinks I am worthy for something.”

“C’mon, let’s hurry or we’re gonna be late for the Genetics class. You know how grumpy Miss Rathore can be. Who better to ask about her than you, right Aman?” she nudged me.

I rolled my eyes and replied, “I seriously don’t know what’s up with her. I mean isn’t there anyone else to be her object of ridicule in her every single class? And couldn’t we have had someone else for the first class? Besides, I can’t help if the world moves faster than my body’s biological clock.”

We didn’t say anything further and hurried to Miss Rathore’s over-dramatic, yet interesting Genetics class.

With the new semester, I wanted to start a new chapter in my life as well. The shadows of my past relationship needed to delve out of my life so as to fully let me be the person I once was, the person I was before I met him. Even though these shadows reminded me of some of the most memorable moments I had spent with him, I had to let it all disappear. I had to try to shine the light of a new and bright future and put these shadows at the other end of the horizon. As long as I held on to these, I couldn’t have seen or experienced the new beginning that invited me to ponder over my life, a life with no strings attached, and a life with no more shadows. I was more than ready to put away the skeletons of my past relationship in the deepest corners of my closet so that it wouldn’t creep up on me and remind me why I couldn’t have chosen someone who would have been there for eternity. Maybe I did choose the right person, and maybe the bright flame of the relationship just burned out and cast my life into utter darkness. This darkness distilled the fear of breaking up, because I was more than broken up inside, I was shattered. Like everything else, this experience left me to be better man and made me ready for anything that might come into one’s life out of nowhere. This made me see the fact that when enough light is shone around, the shadows tend to disappear, and until that light burns in the same constant luminosity, no shadows would appear. Yes, I was ready to take on the world.

After class, I hugged Jenny and told her that I’d see her tomorrow. I got into the car, checked if my files for work were there or not and then, put on the car stereo and headed off to work. Norah Jones’ music had a calming effect over me and helped me focus on the work that lay ahead. Traffic was as bad as it could have been, especially near the Safdarjung Hospital. After moving at a snail’s pace, I reached the Connaught Place and took a right turn off of Indira Chowk. Anyone who’s ever been to Delhi would be quite amazed by the number of shops and business establishments this concentric shopping complex contained. It was the centre of Delhi and from it roads that cut off at right angles converged and diverged, depending upon how you looked at it. The commercial area boasted of a range of shops, offices, and other such establishments on the ground level, while the underground area was used as one of the many parking lots and it housed the famous Palika Bazar where you could get almost everything imaginable – from electronic gadgets, to clothes, to jewelry, to pirated music, movies, and computer software, to the numerous eating joints. I always marveled at the architectural brilliance of this part of Delhi. Yes, there were the numerous Mughal monuments and architectural masterpieces in and around Delhi, but this particular area caught my attention to the max. Who would have imagined twenty years ago, that a place so despised by the original Delhites would be one of the main centers of commerce in the Delhi of today? With three stories of shopping complexes underground, a world class metro rail network running beside it, the 'basement’ of a bustling city centre above it, it wasn’t hard for anyone to figure out the complexity contained in this area, yet for some unknown reason it happened to be one of the most popular places in Delhi.

I didn’t have to go underground as I worked in one of the stores above. I parked my car in the parking lot in the first avenue within the inner circle. The parking charges were higher here, but the chances of the car being stolen were minimal. I took out a few music CDs and the files containing the lists of new albums that were released in the past week. I shut the door of the car, but then I realized that I had forgotten my cell phone. I unlocked the door and dived in to grab the phone from the dashboard. While ducking out, I had a feeling someone was watching me. While getting out slowly, I turned around, but no one was there except the gate-keeper of the avenue. I turned around to lock the car, but even then I had felt the same feeling. I shrugged the feeling off thinking that I was just being paranoid about nothing, but this time, I saw someone else standing at the other end of the avenue. I could just make out his yellow t-shirt as he was too far away to recognize. I just let it go and turned to head for the store as I was already late for work.

I strode off to the brick building where Music World was. I pushed open the glass door and Ravi, the door man, wished me a good afternoon. I wished him the same, and headed towards the back of the store to get to my office in the inner part of the store. The store DJ was playing a mix of trance and Indian music and it was kind of erotic to listen to. That kid sure had some magic in his fingers while twirling out the turn-tables playing the vinyls. I turned the knob to the door of the small hallway leading towards the inner rooms where only staffs were allowed to enter. I opened the varnished door of the third room from the entrance of the hallway. I closed it slowly and the DJ’s music couldn’t be heard anymore. I gently put the files and CDs on the table and then slowly removed my jacket and put it on the chair. I picked up the air-conditioner remote control and keyed in the temperature I preferred. I barely sat down and fired-up the computer when there was a slight knock on the door.

“Come in, Shruti,” I answered to the knock.

Shruti walked in as elegantly as she always did and welcomed me with a complete smile. Shruti was the store’s manager. She was the typical boss – an MBA graduate from one of the premier business schools in India, stern outlook on the store’s whereabouts, but inside it all, she was a beautiful person. Clad in her usual beige colored pant-suit and high heels, she was one of the most beautiful girls around. Dark hair, flawless skin, perfect physique, one would imagine her to be one of the models walking down the ramp. I even questioned her myself once as to why she preferred to be here instead of letting her body accentuate the beautiful creations of the various designers. All she replied with was a simple smile, and that was it. She didn’t say anything more, but I think I got my reply. I never asked anything about it. Even though she was the boss of the store, she was one of the most polished employees, too. She would always knock before entering any of the staff offices, and was the last person to leave the store after checking if everything was in order or not. No wonder the entire staff loved and respected her a lot.

“Aman, did you get the quotations from the music company I asked you about the other day?” she asked. I nodded and looked for the particular file and handed it to her. She gave it one look and winked at me and said, “Perfect.” That was one of the trademark words of Shruti. If she was happy with the work, it would be her mono-syllable reply but if she wasn’t pleased with the work, she’d sit down with you and gave some inputs as to how it could be done in a better manner. I loved my job. Even though it was a part-time job, I wouldn’t have minded a bit if I could work here permanently. It’s been over three years that I’ve been working here, and this feels to be my main job instead of my interest to get a degree in genetic engineering.

She turned to leave for her own office, but before she closed the door, she turned around and said, “Oh, and by the way, we have a new employee and he’ll be working under you. I’m sure you’ll make him feel comfortable here so I entrusted him under your care. His name is Sahil. Graduated high school last year but both his parents were killed in a train accident last year, so he couldn’t join college. He’d like to join one after he makes money, so he applied for the sales representative job that was open. I did a little background research on him and liked him, good grades, no objections whatsoever from a single teacher during his entire school year... and yeah, he’s very cute, too.” I could see the blush creep up Shruti’s cheeks. I smiled at her and told her that it would be fun to teach him the basics, and that he’d be able to work on his own in no time. She smiled and left.

I was working on the sales charts and weekly updates when there was a soft knock on my door. “Come in”, I said.

Shruti was definitely not kidding when she told me that the new guy was 'cute’. He really was very cute indeed. Blood rushed right up and I could feel my cheeks were on fire. I pointed to the chair as words betrayed my lips. I kicked myself under the table in order to regain my composure. He stretched out his hand to shake, but I just stared at it like an idiot. I mentally screamed at myself for behaving like a dumbass. After an awkward moment, I took hold of his hand and gave it a gentle squeeze and shake. I swear he felt me tremble slightly with the touch.

I cleared my throat and said to him, “Hello, Sahil. Welcome here, and I hope you’ll be comfortable working under me cause I’m not that hard with the new employees.”

Shit! What was I saying? That sounded so wrong...so very wrong. “I mean to say...” and before I could finish my sentence, he cut me off.

“It’ll be a pleasure, Sir. And I’m sure you’re great with your employees or else Shruti Ma’am wouldn’t have put me under your care. She tells me that you’re one the best in the store to learn stuff from.”

This time he blushed and I couldn’t understand the reason behind it. I shrugged it off and gave him a new file and in it was the list of 'dos and don’ts' in the store.

“Shruti is always very generous with her employees and I’m sure you’ll learn more from her, as well. This is a list which I want you to check out later. So how about I give you a tour of the store and show you your locker?” He smiled and nodded. Another flaming cheek for me, at least the other parts of my body weren’t as active as my cheeks.

I showed him all the necessary stuff and told him that he’d be dealing mainly with the customers and helping them out with certain general questions like the names of the albums, and maybe a few questions about the artists themselves. I showed him the list of the best-selling albums and artists in the store and then, introduced him to all the staff there. After that, I went in to my office in the inner part of the store and left Sahil at the outer part to handle the customers. I checked out some websites and music blogs to find out something new about the underground music scene. Billboard Magazine’s website caught my eye as there was a new artist and they were giving props to her for her novel singing style and amazing song-writing ability. I bookmarked the artist’s webpage and started doing some paper work after that. Around seven pm, Jenny called me to check where I was. I told her I was still at work and won’t be home for another two hours. She said she’d call me when I get home because she had to ask about some school work, but I told her I’d call her when I got home and she was fine by it. Nothing happened after that, and my eyes were very tired after writing and reading the various files along with the glare from the computer screen. It was five minutes before nine, and I closed everything to leave for the night. The store usually closed at ten pm, so customers would be there in the main part of the store. I had to give some files to Shruti, so after closing my office, I headed for hers. Her office was two doors down the hallway and I reached there in no time. I knocked on her door and I didn’t get any reply from her side. I slowly opened the door and found that she wasn’t in her office. “Most probably in the main part of the store,” I thought. I left the files on her table and turned around to leave the office. That’s when I saw Sahil standing there at the door with a smile on his face. I smiled back and asked, “How was your day, Sahil?”

“Good. No, actually, great! I love it here and it feels very good to help the customers make a choice with the albums and to tell them which artists have come out with new albums and which of the albums are good. It’s...it’s just awesome, Sir,” he replied.

“Good that you like it here, Sahil. And for the record, address me as 'Sir’ only when I’m in the outer section, and not back here, okay? Call me 'Aman' everywhere else,” I told him.

“Okay,” he said and then blushed. Damn, that blush.

“So are you waiting on Shruti?” I asked him. He gave me a nod and I continued, “Okay then, I’m off for the night and I’ll see you tomorrow. Goodnight.”

“Goodnight, Sir...uhh...Aman,” he softly added.

I was walking past him and our hands touched ever so slightly but that was more than enough to give me shivers that ran down my spine. That is just when the lights went out. Another Delhi power cut. I couldn’t understand why the backup power wasn’t on, must be some fault with it.

“Aman...” Sahil whispered.

I thought I was imagining things so I didn’t reply.

“Aman...” Sahil whispered again but this time a little louder. So I came to know I wasn’t imagining that.

“Yeah...” I whispered back.

“Can you spare ten minutes?” he asked.

“Why?”

“Just... I mean, how about some coffee at Barista?”

“Cool. When do you get off of work?"

“Now. So what do you say, Aman?”

I don’t know what was going on and I really couldn’t understand why we were whispering, but whatever it was it was exhilarating.

That’s when the lights came back on, and with thatt, I shut my past life away entirely as the light gave rise to new shadows, but these shadows were on my side now. I had taken control of them and they would whisper only that which I wanted to hear. The shadows ignited another spark in me which had been dormant for a while. I just hope I wasn’t thinking things too fast. If this was heading where I thought it was heading, I had better be careful. Rushing through things didn’t help the last time, and those shadows haunted me for several nights. I could feel that these whispers in the dark were heading somewhere else. It was as if the shadows were whispering into my ears with new meanings and I was more than inclined to listen to the shadows this time, than I was the last time. Before, they filled me with fear and horror, but this time, they filled me with hope. A hope for new beginnings, and old endings. Feelings awakened again, but it wasn’t the same feeling that I had for him. Maybe it was the prolonged time I shared with him that made me feel different this time, but as the song that I heard today, I was ready to take chances and maybe even dive in without knowing what was underneath me. If there wasn’t any solid ground this time, I’d want it to be the deep dark waters then. Waters that would drown me and not let me live so that I could go through the pain all over again. I didn’t want to end up where I had begun. If that was where I would end up, I’d prefer not be where I started. I’d be where I was without anything spicy happening in my life. A boring life would be bad, but a happening life with constant pain and heartbreaks, no thanks; I’d love to skip that any damn day.

But this wasn’t about taking risks. It was more about me being ready to accept what had happened and able to acknowledge what would happen in the future. Sometimes it’s best to listen to the shadows and just move along in the direction they are pointing, and from what I could decipher, they were telling me to take the dive. So I just closed my eyes, not anticipating anything, or maybe I was...and took the plunge into it.

“Okay,” and I accepted his offer.