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    Vaniley
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Stories posted in this category are works of fiction. Names, places, characters, events, and incidents are created by the authors' imaginations or are used fictitiously. Any resemblances to actual persons (living or dead), organizations, companies, events, or locales are entirely coincidental.
Note: While authors are asked to place warnings on their stories for some moderated content, everyone has different thresholds, and it is your responsibility as a reader to avoid stories or stop reading if something bothers you. 

Until I met Chris - 1. Chapter 1

It all has to start somewhere dont it?

Nathan's POV

And I take a left and lose them all then I turn and throw the ball to Hernandez he keeps a great pace splitting thruogh the air like that then passes tge ball back to me. Jacob runs towards me but I turn right and run for the homerunthere are only 30 seconds on the clock...and I jump and hit the homerun.. Goal! We win 24-19 against South side high. We shake hands and headback to the locker room.Coach follows us and has this weird grin on his face. You rarely see coach smile, he is one of those "I dont take shit from no body" types. He is always lecturing us about teamwork and all the yada yada coaches do for a living.

"Great job out there guys, Gabriel and Jacobs next time pass the ball to other team members as well that was a close call" He says

"Yes coach" we reply

"Okay now head on over to the showers and git" he says patting me on my shoulder

We scatter like ants towards the showers . I walk to my locker and move my clothes and wrap a towel around my waist then take my shower gel and wash cloth and head to the shower. I head to the last shower stol and set my stuff down on the floor and then I here a splitting sound then I jumped up...

"Fucking A, what you do that for, bastard!" I exclaim rubbing my ass.

The bastard whipped me with a wet towel.

"Couldn't resist your ass was just all up in my face" he says laughing

. "I'll get you back for that trust me" I say turning back to my shower to adjust the water

. "You're such a baby, Nate" He says laughing and returning to his shower.

I jumped into the shower and take the quickest shower of my life and I'm done within minutes. I walk to the mirror and start shaving my facial hair. I'm what you would expect a young Tom Cruise to look, with honey brown eyes but with more a Taylor Lautner body build cause of the football. I Finnish up and change back into my dark fated jeans and plain white tshirt with my favorite band on it.

"See ya later dudes" I say

and head on out to the parking lot where my girlfriend Marissa is waiting against my black Audi r8.

"Took you long enough" she says as I head towards her and kiss her on the lips.

then I unlock the car and open the door for her then I head to the driver's side and get in then we take off.

"Should I take you home?" I ask

"Um, sure but I'm gonna be all alone at home, the rents are out on a dinner date, why don't you come keep me company?" she whines

"Sure but I gotta let the folks know where my i'm going" I say and give her my phone.

"dial up the folks and put it on speaker " I tell her.

she dials and hands me the phone.

On the third ring, dad picks up.

"How's it going son?"he asks

"Its okay, just calling to tell I might be late dinner I'm going to Marissa's for a while" I say

"sure I'll let your mom know, do you have protection on you?" he asks

"Geez we aren't doing that kind of stuff" I say as my face flushed with embarrassment.

"Your old man is just looking out for you" he replies and chuckles

"Thanx dad, see you later" I s then hang up.

We continue down the road and turn by the fourth street and drive to the last house on the street. then we stop and get out of the car and she knocks.

"Why are you knocking I thought you said you were alone?" I ask

"Yeah, the folks aren't doing here but well I want you to meet someone" she says biting on her lower lip.

"Who Is it?" I hear from the inside of the house.

"Who else would it be dufus, open up" she demands,

wow I've never seen this side of her, so feisty, big turn on for me. The door knob clicks and the alarm thingy and the door finally opens and there he stands like a fallen angel straight from hell with all the grace only such beings can possess . I can't even begin to describe him, his long dark hair flowed down his pale skin, his sparklely ice blue eyes stared into the depth of my soul bringing forth damned feelings within, my Angel..

"Nathan, Nate, baby,is something the matter?" I heard a distant voice.

then I felt a cold hand on my arm and I was instantly brought back to reality . I shook my head twice

"sorry I must've zones out" I said

with a voice that did not sound like my own.

"I could tell " Marissa replied

And yet this magnificent creature stood staring at me with this majestic smile, oh wow but this is wrong.I can't be thinking about a guy this way.

" Anyway as I was saying Nate this is my foster brother Christopher from Italy, Chris this is Nate my boyfriend the one told you about ?" she said

We shake hands, I feel like I've been shocked into my hand with the feel of his hand.

Thanx for reading ,tell me what you think...mwa*
©Copyright (2013) Vaniley, All Rights Reserved <br />
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Stories posted in this category are works of fiction. Names, places, characters, events, and incidents are created by the authors' imaginations or are used fictitiously. Any resemblances to actual persons (living or dead), organizations, companies, events, or locales are entirely coincidental.
Note: While authors are asked to place warnings on their stories for some moderated content, everyone has different thresholds, and it is your responsibility as a reader to avoid stories or stop reading if something bothers you. 
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Chapter Comments

Hi Vaniley

Ok you have a great hook in the opening chapter. There is this wonderful looking guy that everyone is going to want to know more about, so you left us hanging really well on that one. That is a good way of making sure that readers continue to read.

You also have a good way of introducing the small detail that enhances the quality of the scene you are building as you create the environment for your characters.

If I can, I'd make two suggestions to you. Once you have written a chapter, give yourself a rest period where you go away from the story for a while, then come back and read over what you have written.

There are several reasons for this. Sometimes as you create, your mind is working faster than your fingers can type, so you miss out detail, or rush a sentence. When you look over the chapter again, you can find these gaps and fill them in.

It is also a really good way to spot other simple mistakes like missing or incorrect words. I'd also suggest that you have a chat with the Writing Support Team and ask for someone to work with you to help develop your writing style. This is the start of a really great story, and with the right team behind you, it can be a lot of fun for you and your readers. :)

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Vaniley,

I hope that you find the time to continue this story. It has great promise as does your skill as a writer.

Adam~

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