I've spent every available minute since Sunday in his company, musically we used to work together a lot, and if all else fails we've recaptured that, and our creative relationship is better in every way ... which is great, but still not where I want to be.

This week has been intense from every point of view. I haven't wussed as yet, but either my brain freezes as I open my mouth, or he looks at me and asks me if I'm alright. Which mentally I'm not. I'm standing on a small rock floating in space and his rock is the only way to go ... and it's there, and I just can't make the leap.

I want to scream, and I can't. I want to cry in frustration, and can't. I want what seems unobtainable, and it's not, it's there - I just can't ASK. More fool me.

Anyway tomorrow we're driving up to London. Yup, that's it, I'll mention it in the car.

If all else fails I can use the 'fancy a shag then?' line - or not. Why is such a simple thing so damn difficult? It's got to be genetic, or I could blame the cats...

Dunderhead