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The Conversation: Misted

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The Conversation: Misted


Fic by dkstories


Misting by snowgoose, merv and trans


Characters Misting are, in order of appearance, Tom Riddle, Severus Snape, Lucius Malfoy and Ronald Weasley.







Disclaimer: All characters and the HP world belong to JK Rowling and her publishers/agents.


Riddle: (darkly) Well, duh.

Snape: (singing) Where in the world?

Snape: HP world!

Malfoy: Spice things up a little with HP sauce.

Weasley: (glazed eyes) . . . sauce . . .

Snape: *pokes Ron* Have you been using the Imperius curse on him again, Lucius?

Malfoy: Nope.

Riddle: Don't look at me.


I'm just having a little fun!


Malfoy: And little is the word.

Riddle: Do we even know why we’re doing this?

Snape: I do.

Riddle: You do?

Snape: Yep.

"Malfoy." Harry's voice was just loud enough that the pale blond heard him above the clatter of the train.


Snape: (As Harry) Lucius Malfoy, whatever are you doing on the train?

Malfoy: (As himself) Why, playing with the perverted minds of the readers, of course.

Riddle: Wow, the security sure is lax these days.

Snape: And if you were wondering about the clattering noise, it’s because the engine has broken down and the train is now being pulled by Thestrals.

Malfoy: Or maybe it’s going through Wyrd’s Wizard Sex Emporium and has knocked down a shelf of Clattering Peckers.

Snape: (Listening) Nah Lucius, the sound they make is slightly tinnier than that.

Snape: *blinks*

Riddle: *snickers*

Snape: *glares*


For a moment there was a look of surprise on that pointed face, but it was quickly replaced by the sneer Harry was all so familiar with.


Malfoy: (Happily) You go get ‘em boy!

Snape: (Aside) What he doesn’t yet realise is that this is going to be a Harry/Draco slash fic.

Riddle: *smirks*

Malfoy: *glowers* I did too. (Haughtily) I can smell them.

Snape: (Aside) He can smell other things too.

Malfoy: And what is that supposed to mean?

Snape: Anything you want it to, lover-boy.

Malfoy: *nibbles Sev’s ear*

Riddle: I think there’s something wrong with the Gryffindor. He hasn’t said anything yet.

Weasley: (still glazed) . . . anything . . .

Snape: *pulls Luc onto the floor*

Riddle: *sighs*


The train jostled for a moment and Harry wavered slightly in the doorway to the empty compartment, but he kept his balance as Draco Malfoy turned in the empty passageway and faced him.


Riddle: (With wand) Crucio!

Weasley: *is hit by the spell* Gah! Why’d you do that?

Riddle: Because my second is making out with the potions master on the floor of the cinema and I don’t like being ignored.

Weasley: Oh.

Malfoy: Uh. . . uh . . . uh . . .

Weasley: Um, I am underage for this, you know.

Weasley: Could you guys possibly move out of my immediate line of sight?

Snape: *kills Ron*

Weasley: . . .urk.

Riddle: (To Ron) It’s best not to interrupt when they’re like that.

Snape: (From floor) Too right!

Riddle: (Musing) And we haven’t even made any snide comments about the text yet.

Malfoy: *Brushes himself off* Possibly some play on words on passageway?

Snape: *Pulls Luc back down* I’m not done with you yet, Lucius of the one track mind.

Riddle: That much is obvious.


"What do you want, Potter?" Malfoy's voice was full of contempt, and hatred, all that Harry had expected.


Snape: (As Harry) Sex!

Riddle: I didn’t know that you could multi-task, Severus.

Snape: (Smugly) I wasn’t.

Malfoy: That’s an insult. I demand satisfaction.

Snape: But we just . . .

Riddle: *grins* No dueling in the cinema.

Weasley: Gross.

Snape: Who asked you, Potter fanboy?

Weasley: (Darkly) I am not a Potter fanboy.

Malfoy: (After reading text) That’s a travesty! Potter never expects anything!

Riddle: Not even Weasley?

Weasley: Hey!


"I have a challenge for you Malfoy." Harry responded firmly, swallowing immediately after speaking so the ball of nerves didn't erupt out of his stomach.


Riddle: Ah. An Alien crossover.

Malfoy: (Impressed) Oooh.

Snape: I thought the baby alien erupted from the chest?

Riddle: The author obviously isn’t big on science fiction.

Malfoy: Obviously. Otherwise he would have known that swallowing quickens the growth of the parasite stage.

Snape: *stares at Luc*

Riddle: *stares at Luc*

Weasley: *stares at Luc*

Malfoy: What?

Riddle: (singing) Bof bof bof bof . . .

Weasley: (Also singing) . . . bof bof bof bof . . .

Snape: (Holds a vibrato note) BOFFIN!

Malfoy: So, I happen to like science fiction. So what?

Riddle: *sniggers*

Snape: *cough* muggle-lover *cough*

Malfoy: (sulkily) At least I didn’t betray the death-eaters to Dumbledore.

Snape: I thought we agreed we wouldn’t talk about that here.

Malfoy: I thought we agreed that you wouldn’t call me a boffin.

Riddle: Anyway, it doesn’t matter. I’ve forgiven him.

Malfoy: *Blinks* You have?

Riddle: Yes. I decided that it was all down to the extreme psychological trauma of his childhood.

Weasley: *Sniggers* What, being hung upside down with his pants showing by Harry’s dad?

Malfoy: I’ve heard a lot worse than that. *Cuddles Sev*

Riddle: James Potter was a perv.

Weasley: Quite frankly, I don’t want to know.



"What kind of challenge would you have that would interest me?" Malfoy sneered haughtily, drawing himself even more upright as he looked down at Harry with total disgust.


Snape: Fifty Galleons says it’s a rape fic.

Riddle: Done.

Weasley: You disgust me.

Snape: Wait. How can he look down at Potter when Potter’s taller than him?

Weasley: Dunno. Levitation spell?

Riddle: Very high heels?

Malfoy: (Exasperated) It’s the Malfoy way. Malfoys can look down on anyone.

Riddle: (Dangerously) Oh?

Malfoy: (Quickly) Except you, my greatest and most powerful of dark lords.

Riddle: *Preens*

Snape: Bah.

Weasley: Ptolemy save me. Now.

Malfoy: You’re just jealous.

Weasley: Jealous? Why?

Malfoy: You soo fancy the Dark Lord.

Weasley: Do not.

Snape: You’re blushing, Weasley.

Weasley: Am not.

Riddle: *Preens more*


"Knowledge." Harry answered simply, and he knew he had Malfoy's interest now. Those pale eyebrows rose slightly and the sneer was replaced by a very calculating look.


Malfoy: (As Draco) Hey! Come back with my sneer!

Snape: (Also Draco) Noo! My sneer, my beautiful sneer!

Malfoy: (Proudly) It’s a family heirloom.

Weasley: You don’t say.

Malfoy: *sneers*


"What kind of knowledge would you have that would be of any use to me?" Malfoy retorted, but he turned so that he fully faced Harry now, and leaned against the wall opposite the doorway Harry stood inside.


Snape: Wow. Those are some complex prepositions there.

Riddle: Perhaps the author wishes to draw us a map.

Weasley: (Confused) What’s Harry doing inside a doorway, anyway? I thought he was on the train.

Malfoy: I neither know or care. What I want to know is who has taken all the opium?

Weasley: Er . . . I think that was me.

Riddle: Aha! So that’s why you were so stoned!

Weasley: . . . yeah . . . sure . . . I was stoned on . . . opium.

Malfoy: (To himself, rocking back and forth) No more opium . . . no more opium . . .

Snape: I think he’s going into withdrawl.

Riddle: Say. Anyone got any cannabis?

Snape: No.

Weasley: No.

Riddle: Speed?

Snape: No.

Riddle: Lithium?

Snape: No.

Riddle: Mushrooms?

Snape: No.

Weasley: Some potions master you are.

Snape: Be quiet, boy.

Riddle: Cocaine?

Snape: No.

Riddle: Doves?

Snape: No.

Riddle: Horse tranqulisers?

Snape: Horse tranquilisers? No. Why?

Riddle: No reason.


"You've been watched all summer by Aurors." Harry stated casually, leaning against the doorframe and studying his schoolyard rival closely.


Riddle: (As narrator) But what he didn’t notice was Gregory Goyle sneaking up behind him with a gun.

Snape: Gun? Riddle, you muggle!

Riddle: Quiet, minion.

Snape: Yes, allmighty Dark Lord.

Malfoy: (Still rocking) . . . opium. None for us. No opium for Lucius, my precious . . .

Snape: *Musses Luc’s hair* Hush now. . .

Weasley: *Snerk*

Riddle: Oh, for Salazar’s sake! Someone get my second some opium.

Snape: We don’t have any opium.


"Your mother and father have been arrested, tried in secret, and convicted. Your family estates within England are being seized, and the only reason you're not facing Azkaban yourself is that Dumbledore himself spoke on your behalf. You didn't want to go back to school this year, but you were told it was either Hogwarts or Azkaban, and chose school. No one has told you the charges your parents were convicted on, except it was for aiding Voldemort in attacking the Ministry of Magic, and you're losing everything you've ever known in your life without really knowing why. There's been no chance for you to contact your father's friends, so they've been no help to you either. I know the answers to the questions running through your head, Malfoy, and I'll give them to you if you'll answer mine."


Malfoy: Noooooooooo! *cries onto Sev’s shoulder*

Snape: It’s okay, Lucius. It’s only pretend.

Malfoy: *wibbles*

Riddle: Ouch. Traumatic.

Weasley: *blinks* Long, more like.

Riddle: To you, Weasley, the word extended is long.

Snape: The word extended is long.

Riddle: *glowers*

Snape: *flinches* Well, it’s eight letters.

Weasley: He’s right, you know.

Riddle: (Aside) Why do I even bother?


"So you think you can get me to betray the Dark Lord just so I'll know why my parents have been wrongfully charged?" Malfoy sneered, but his eyes told a different story.


Weasley: (Melodramatic) One of passion, jealousy, and betrayal!

Riddle: You could write romance novels if you wanted to, Ron.

Weasley: You think so?

Snape: *Opens his mouth*

Riddle: Don’t even think about it.

Snape: *shuts his mouth*

Riddle: Thank you.

Snape: (singing) Weasley and the Dark Lord. Sitting in a cave. Weasley is the Dark Lord’s kid-bitch-slave!

Weasley: *Blushes*

Riddle: *Glowers*

Malfoy: *Titters*

Riddle: I’ll get you for that one, Severus Snape.

Snape: *cowers* It was worth it, though.

Riddle: *Thwaps Sev*

Malfoy: My beautiful lover! No! *clings*

Weasley: *gags* Beautiful? Snape?

Riddle: Will someone please get him something for that?


"Here's the challenge, Malfoy." Harry said softly. "You and I will take turns asking questions. We will answer any question we are asked with total honesty and as fully as we can. If a question I ask would 'betray' the dark lord's secrets, then you don't have to answer. Likewise, if a question you ask would 'betray' my side, then I don't have to answer. Otherwise, we answer truthfully and completely."


Riddle: *Injects Luc with horse tranquilisers*

Weasley: There is not going to be a rape scene.

Malfoy: There will be. See how stupid my son is? Potter has drugged him, and they will soon be dragged off to Voldemort’s spaceship, where they will be probed by aliens.

Riddle: I don’t have a spaceship.

Snape: Lucius, are you feeling quite alright?

Riddle: I think the horse tranquilisers are getting to his brain.

Malfoy: *faints*

Snape: Horse tranquilisers! You fiend! You rogue!

Weasley: (grossed out) You want to date-rape Lucius Malfoy?

Snape: Enervate!

Malfoy: You could have just asked.

Riddle: But then it wouldn’t be as fun. I am a dark lord, you know. I have a reputation to uphold.

Malfoy: (Recovered) What did I miss?

Snape: Not much. Sex and torture.

Malfoy: (Dejected) Damn.

Weasley: No he didn’t. All there was was Harry and Draco talking.

Riddle: Potter was checking Draco out.

Weasley: What? No he wasn’t! Harry isn’t gay!

Snape: Oh, grow up and face the facts, Weasley. Potter is camper than a completely pink campsite with a bar that serves only drinks with pink fruit in them and plays lame music all the time, and a sign outside saying ‘gay sex here.’


Riddle: Says you, pet.

Weasley: And I am not your pet!

Riddle: Care to bet? *smiles indulgently*

Weasley: *blushes*

Malfoy: That is so hot.

Snape: And so very, very wrong.

Malfoy: *kisses Sev’s neck* Mmm . . . so what about Draco?

Snape: Not much. Yet.

Malfoy: Ah. Shame.

Weasley: GACK! You are SICK, Malfoy! He’s your son!

Malfoy: Says the kid eyeing up the Dark Lord, who is at least three times as old as him.

Weasley: That was an imperius curse! An imperius curse!

Riddle: (Smirking) We’ve heard that one somewhere before.

Malfoy: I didn’t hear any imperius curse.

Snape: Leave it, Lucius. He’s not worth the trouble.

Malfoy: I suppose. Why is he here again?

Snape: *shrugs* Diversity.

Riddle: He’s meant to have morals.

Weasley: Morals?

Snape: Yes. We need someone to go ‘urg’ at our obscene jokes.

Riddle: Well I can’t, obviously. I’m the dark lord.

Malfoy: Didn’t stop Elfric the Unruly.

Riddle: Boffin.

Malfoy: Allmighty lord of death and the night.

Riddle: *grins*

Snape: Hey! Stop flirting with him! He’s mine!

Malfoy: No, I’m not. I’m Narcissa’s, actually.

Snape: Same difference.

Riddle: *yawns*


"You would actually believe me to tell you the truth?" Malfoy sneered contemptuously, but his eyes shone with a barely suppressed hope. Harry had a hard time not smiling in triumph. Ron had said this was stupid, but Hermione had been right.


Weasley: Hey! I got a mention!

Malfoy: Maybe you’ll be in the rape scene too.

Weasley: It’s not going to be a rape fic. Please, no.

Snape: Please, yes.

Malfoy: I feel sick . . .

Weasley: I thought you had no moral code.

Malfoy: Oh, muggles and idiot blood traitors! Get out of my way! *runs to the toilets*

Snape: *Watches him go*

Riddle: Now, with no-one under the influence of mind-bending drugs, we can go back to making wisecracks about the fic.

Weasley: Wisecracks?

Snape: (Aside to Ron) The Dark Lord moves in mysterious ways. Just smile and nod.

Riddle: I heard that.

Weasley: *Smiles and nods*


"When have you ever lied to me, Draco?" Harry said with a tilt of his head. He purposely used Malfoy's first name there, hoping it would establish a connection between them, and he saw that it did.


Riddle: Since when did Potter become a canary! And why wasn’t I informed?

Snape: A magical connection! The rape is soon.

Malfoy: *sits down* Wait up! Rape? Where?

Snape: Future.

Malfoy: Bugger it.

Riddle: Delphi, Lucius, you’re worse than Pettigrew sometimes.

Malfoy: Not worse. Better. *smirks*

Snape: *Nods*

Weasley: *Gags*


"You've called me and my friends names, you've taunted us, and you've threatened us, but I don't remember you ever really lying. A lot of what you've said was just plain wrong, but it wasn't a lie. I'd say you've actually been more honest with me than most of the people I've ever known."


Malfoy: He has lied to him. Potter’s just too dumb to notice.

Snape: Shush! can’t you feel the mounting sexual tension?

Malfoy: Mounting?

Weasley: Not again.

Riddle: (As Harry) I hate you Malfoy. You’re a git. Let’s shaft one another.

Snape: Why is Draco even listening to him? He should be in there with a binding curse.

Malfoy: Bondage. *drools on Sev*

Weasley: How does he manage to make that joke run for that long?

Snape: It’s not a joke, Weasley. It’s a medical condition.

Riddle: Yes. Malfoy was born horny.

Malfoy: You should know, my lord.

Riddle: *nods sagely*

Malfoy: Merlin I’m good.

Weasley: *eyes bug*


"I don't know if I should be complimented or insulted." Malfoy said with a hint of irony, but his lips were quirking in that haughty smile that meant he was thinking he'd achieved an advantage.


Malfoy: You’ve got him cornered, boy. Jump him, quick!

Snape: (As narrator) Finally, he could do what he had waited all those years to do. Kill Harry Potter.

Weasley: You wish.

Snape: Yes, I wish. Leave me with my fantasies.

Weasley: That’s not even remotely funny.

Snape: *shrugs* For Potter haters like me it is. At least I’m trying.

Weasley: *glowers* You’re a git, Snape.

Malfoy: Yes, but he’s my git. *pets Sev*


"Shall we?" Harry asked, standing aside and motioning with his arm into the empty cabin. Malfoy stared for a moment, searching Harry's face as if looking for signs of deception, but finally nodded. He entered like a king, and sat down near the window like he was a king. Harry closed the door, locking it and pulling down the shade for some privacy.


Riddle: (boredly) All hail king Draco I.

Weasley: (freaked) It /is/ a rape fic.

Snape: Calm down, boy. It might just be something totally innocent and platonic. Maybe Potter is going to cry.

Malfoy: *sniggers* Innocent and platonic. With Potter and Draco? Yeah . . . right.

Weasley: For the last time. Harry. Is. Not. Gay.

Malfoy: *rolls eyes*

Riddle: *yawns* Wake me up when something happens.

Malfoy: What like, my Lord?

Riddle: Train crashes, fight, death. Anything really.

Weasley: It’s not that boring! Just because it’s Harry-centric, with no torture.

Malfoy: *grins*

Snape: *grins*

Weasley: Oh, no.

Snape: (sings) He’s just a fanboy, nobody loves him.

Malfoy: (Also singing) He’s just a fanboy with a poor family.

Weasley: Hey!

Riddle: (Dozing) Cut that out. Everybody chill and take some opium.

Malfoy: (Miserably) We don’t have any opium.



"Why, Potter, people are going to wonder what we're doing in here like this." Malfoy said with a leer in his voice and Harry suppressed a nervous giggle.


Snape: (As Harry) No, they won’t. They’ll just think we’re in here fornicating.

Weasley: How can you have a leer in your voice? I thought that leers were like monkeys, and lived in the Galapagos.

Riddle: (Absently) No, that’s lemurs.

Weasley: What’s a leer, then?

Riddle: Like a telephone, but bigger.

Weasley: That still makes no sense.

Riddle: That’s muggles for you.


"Just tell them I'm the worst snogger you've ever met." Harry retorted instead and Malfoy actually had the grace to blush.


Malfoy: (As Draco) You are!

Snape: *sniggers*

Weasley: That’s unfair.

Snape: How would you know, Weasley? Snogged Potter lately?

Weasley: *falls silent*

Riddle: And it’s one for the home team.

Malfoy: Ouch.



"Spare me your puerile interests, Potter, and let's get down to business."


Riddle: With Vibrawand! Screwing on the Hogwarts Express was never so fun!

Malfoy: Magical batteries not included. Terms and conditions apply.

Snape: (As Harry) Malfoy, when I said that you could shove your wand up my ass, I didn’t mean actually up my ass.

Riddle: (As Draco) Oh, Delphi, you’ve got a disease or something, haven’t you? And now my sneer is infected!

Malfoy: (Also Draco) My sneer! My sneer! I loved thee so.

Weasley: This is almost porn. But not quite. We’re not allowed to do porn.

Snape: Pseudo porn.

Malfoy: Is it porn, or is it qorn? No, it’s psuedo porn!

Riddle: We have sunk to new lows.


Malfoy retorted quickly while Harry took a seat directly opposite of him. "What was my father doing in the Ministry of Magic and why did they arrest my mother as well?"


Malfoy: (As Harry) I have the answer to both of those questions, Draco. And they’re in my panties.

Snape: Potter wears panties?

Malfoy: Yep. And a bra.

Weasley: Hey, Snape.

Snape: Yes?

Weasley: I read somewhere that you had a thing for Hermione.

Snape: (flatly) I would rather fornicate with a squirrel.

Malfoy: *sniggers*

Riddle: Now, now, children.



"That's two questions, Malfoy." Harry bit back quickly.


Malfoy: (As Draco) Hey, that hurt! You gave me a hickey!


"One question at a time, and then you answer one of mine. Back and forth, like that."


Riddle: (as Harry) Yeah, Malfoy, you big dumb . . . ah, who am I kidding?

Malfoy: (Also Harry) Just love me!

Snape: Biting? Lucius, are you sure this isn’t a vampire crossover of some kind?

Riddle: What I want to know is why the ball of nerves hasn’t burst out of Harry’s stomach yet.

Malfoy: Now, that I would like to see.


"Fine, why'd they arrest my mother?" Malfoy demanded and Harry felt a slight surge of hope.


Snape: Surge. We’re getting closer.

Malfoy: (chanting) Rape, rape, rape, rape, rape . . .

Snape: If you say that too often, it loses all meaning.

Riddle: Will it never end?

Weasley: *Takes out an opium pipe and sucks on it*

Malfoy: Ronald Weasley! You addict! Give me some!

Weasley: No! It’s my opium pipe!

Malfoy: I need it! For my medical condition!

Weasley: Go hump a wall!

Malfoy: Give me the pipe! *grabs*

Weasley: *Thwacks Luc*

Snape: (Aside to Tom) In answer to your question, no.


Malfoy had always idolized his father so much that Harry had wondered if there was any love for his mother in there. That there was showed some hope for Harry's plan.


Weasley: Malfoy, you neglect your children!

Malfoy: I do not, and I have only one child!

Snape: Despite of what half a million fic writers have written to the contrary.

Malfoy: Give me the pipe!

Riddle: Give him the pipe, Ron.

Weasley: But he’ll get /sneer/ all over it!

Malfoy: I will not.

Weasley: Will too.

Malfoy: Will not!

Riddle: *sighs* Accio opium pipe.

Snape: I’m surprised you didn’t think of that, Lucius.

Malfoy: I was suffering from withdrawl. And horse tranqulisers.

Snape: I suppose.

Malfoy: *Sucks on opium pipe* Ah . . .


"Your mother was arrested for tampering with the property of another wizard." Harry stated firmly. That charge had been enough for Hermione to send a five page letter to Harry demanding that they get serious about S.P.E.W. again.


Weasley: It was originally ‘Freedom for Elves, Trolls, Imps and Sufficient accomodation for Hobgoblins’ but she didn’t like the acronym.

Snape: No, it wasn’t. You made that up just now.

Malfoy: You just wanted to envision the mudblood saying ‘fetish’

Riddle: The original was a lot ruder. Unprintable, in fact.

Weasley: Hey! How did you know that?

Riddle: *Taps his forehead* Psychic link to Potter, remember?

Weasley: (Nervously) Oh. That.

Malfoy: Does that mean that you know with absolute certainty whether Potter is gay?

Riddle: No, Lucius. No-one knows that.

Snape: It’s one of the supreme mysteries of the universe.

Riddle: I usually turn it off when he masturbates, anyway.

Weasley: *Pales*

Malfoy: It’d probably get boring after the first few hours of him envisioning Weasley.

Riddle: Weasley? Are you kidding?

Weasley: (Quietly) For the last time, Harry is not gay.

Riddle: He’s got a thing for you actually, Severus.

Malfoy: Masochistic, I’d imagine.

Snape: I feel so loved.


"That doesn't really tell me anything, Potter." Malfoy said in an angry tone.


Riddle: (As Draco) So? Are you gay or not?

Malfoy: (Also Draco) And why haven’t you laid your eggs in my face?

Snape: Pass the opium, Lucius.


"Your mother used the Black family house-elf Kreacher to garner information about me and passed that information on to Voldemort." Harry explained further, almost relishing the way Malfoy flinched at the name.


Riddle: It’s not that bad! I like my name! It’s a great name! Better than Potter, anyway!

Snape: (Aside to Luc) Anagrams are so old.

Malfoy: *snerk* So that’s where Narcissa went!

Weasley: She was bonking a house-elf? Kreacher? Yerk!

Malfoy: (Haughtily) Actually, she was just using her position as a member of the Black family to persuade him.

Snape: Unlikely, but true.

Weasley: Sure . . . it is.

Riddle: *rolls eyes* Narcissa hasn’t got a house-elf fetish.

Malfoy: Thank you, Lord.

Riddle: (Smugly) Dark Lords, however . . .

Malfoy: (Riled) That was just to get me back for that time she caught me with Severus!

Riddle: (Deadpan) I’m in no doubt that it was.

Snape: (To Tom) You are obscene.

Riddle: Thank you.


"Voldemort used that information to lure me to the Ministry of Magic. She was also convicted of aiding and abetting Death Eaters, the more serious charge that resulted in her being sent to Azkaban."


Malfoy: Ooh . . . Azkaban. I am so scared.

Riddle: Sarcasm. The lowest form of wit. Oh, joy.

Malfoy: Hypocrite!

Riddle: *Growls*

Malfoy: Severus, hold me!


"Just for telling stuff she got from stupid house elf?" Malfoy fumed and Harry nodded quickly. He'd let that question slide for now.


Weasley: Woah, Draco is really fuming now. Wait till Harry tells him about Mrs Malfoy and Voldemort!

Riddle: How would he know that?

Weasley: Psychic link. Remember?

Malfoy: *Looks at Tom*

Riddle: It’s not as if I could help it.

Malfoy: Potter knows too? Sweet Salazar, the shame!

Snape: Hush now . . .


"Now, my turn." Harry said firmly and Malfoy nodded after taking a deep breath.


Malfoy: The oxygen in the compartment was slowly running out.

Riddle: If Draco passed out, he would have to give him the kiss of life.

Malfoy: (As Draco) Get me out of here! You’re not a qualified first-aider!

Snape: Oh, the humanity.


"What do you want for your life?"


Riddle: (As Draco) I wanna be a real boy!

Snape: (Also Draco) Christmas presents!

Malfoy: (Also Draco) Sex!

Weasley: Is that /all/ he thinks about?

Snape: *shrugs* Pretty much.



"What kind of question is that?" Malfoy snorted in disgust and Harry bit back a quick retort, instead just staring at Malfoy.


Snape: Yeah. Checking to see if he has a hard-on more like.

Malfoy: (Chanting) Rape, rape, rape, rape.

Riddle: (As narrator) Suddenly, he realised that this was not Draco at all, merely me in disguise.

Snape: (As Voldemort) Avarda Kedavra!

Weasley: *Dies*

Malfoy: Yow.

Snape: Meh. It was an accident.

Malfoy: You killed Weasley. That was so sexy.

Snape: You think?

Riddle: Ye gods.



"I…want…to…see…you dead." Malfoy said slowly, looking closely at Harry for a reaction.


Riddle: He knows about the alien in Potter’s chest. It’s gonna burst out any minute now.

Snape: *Hums the jaws theme*

Malfoy: (As Draco) Where’s my wand . . .

Snape: Up Potter’s ass.

Riddle: Someone revive the Gryffindor. We need an ‘urg’ about now.

Weasley: *revives* Urg.

Malfoy: Why did that work? I thought you couldn’t revive people who had been killed by the AK.

Snape: *shrugs* PCD.

Malfoy: What’s a PCD.

Snape: Plot Contrivance Device.

Riddle: There’s a plot? I had no idea.



"Is that all you want?" Harry asked. "What about the rest of your life?"


Snape: (As Draco) Ah, well, not much. Two kids, steady job, chalet in southern France.

Riddle: (As Harry) You know, a wormy guy like me and a slimy git like you could go real far in this crazy world.

Weasley: Harry is not wormy.

Malfoy: *Sniggers* Someone’s a fanboy!

Weasley: I am not a fanboy!

Snape: Say F-A-N-B-O-Y, say F-A-N-B-O-Y.

Weasley: *Growls*

Malfoy: (To Sev) What was that about?

Snape: (To Luc) My horoscope says I’m feeling musical today.

Riddle: (Mildly) You can just feel the positive vibes.


"I have no other life now thanks to you, and that's two more questions." Malfoy sneered.


Malfoy: Yeah, you stupid Potter. Can’t you count?

Snape: The sneer! The sneer! Hurrah for the Malfoy sneer!

Malfoy: Hussar!

Riddle: So now Draco’s infected with the alien spawn too?

Malfoy: Maybe they were in an alien hive, retrieving samples for the ministry of magic, and Harry got them both webbed to a wall near some face-huggers.

Riddle: It’s possible.

Weasley: (Miserably) I hate crossover fics.



"Just wanting a more detailed answer, like you wanted earlier." Harry said with a shrug and then waived his hand to tell Malfoy to ask his next question.


Snape: (As Draco) Have you ever thought of becoming an aid worker? Cause we could sure use you in Baghdad.

Malfoy: Yes, that semi-messiah status of yours would come in /real/ useful there.

Snape: *Imitates machine-gun fire*

Weasley: For purebloods, you people know far too much about muggles.

Riddle: Torturing them is still best.

Snape: *sighs* Hogwarts hasn’t been the same since they started Muggle studies.

Malfoy: Does Flitwick still stay in there all night watching the telly-fission thing?

Snape: Yes. The little bastard.

Malfoy: Poor Sev. *Cuddles*

Snape: Thanks.

Malfoy: *Smirks*

Weasley: *Gags*



"What was the big deal at the Ministry that they had to lure you there?" Malfoy demanded, leaning forward in anticipation of the answer.


Malfoy: What he didn’t realise was that this was just a ploy to get him alone so that Harry could rape him.

Riddle: Hey, Snape?

Snape: Yes?

Malfoy: That’s, yes almighty all-conquering, all knowing sexy dark lord, to you, Sev.

Riddle: *Grins*

Snape: *Shrugs* Yes?

Riddle: Didn’t you say earlier that you knew why we were here?

Snape: Yep.

Riddle: Did you want to tell me?

Snape: Not really, no.

Riddle: (Dangerously) Why not?

Snape: Because this way I get to make out with a Malfoy.

Malfoy: Fair enough.

Snape: Besides, you’ve got money riding on the outcome now.

Riddle: I suppose. But it’s getting tedious.

Malfoy: You should have more sex.




"Trelawney actually made a real prophecy, once, a little more than sixteen years ago." Harry answered, leaning back in his seat and setting himself to watch Malfoy's face closely as he continued.


"That old bat actually made a real prophecy?" Malfoy sneered in surprise.


Snape: (As Harry) No, I’m just making it up to confuse you into making out with me so that I can lay my eggs in your face.

Weasley: I’m sensing a theme to this somewhere.

Riddle: Perhaps Lucius has developed an alien fetish.

Snape: He has. And I’m tending to it.


"That was my reaction as well." Harry said with a shrug. "Dumbledore was interviewing her for the Divination position and was just about to tell her 'no thanks' when she spouted off a real prophecy. A Death Eater heard the first part of the prophecy before being found and thrown out. What he heard was enough to cause Voldemort to hunt down my family and kill them, as well as trying to kill me.”


Riddle: Well, that’s not even true.

Weasley: It’s not?

Riddle: No. I never even heard of the prophecy until Pettigrew happened to tell me.

Weasley: Then why hunt down the Potters?

Malfoy: I would have thought that was obvious.

Weasley: What, that they were dangerous to the Death-Eater cause?

Malfoy: No, that Lily was hot.

Weasley: (To Tom) Is that true?

Snape: *Shrugs* He needed some way of selecting his victims.


“He didn't have all the prophecy though, and he wanted the rest. In the Ministry there's the Department of Mysteries, and a room there where they hold copies of all prophecies. No one can touch the prophecies except the people that the prophecies are about. He didn't want to risk going there himself, so he had to lure me there. Your father and the others were there to take the prophecy from me when I'd found the thing. We fought back, and they'd almost gotten the prophecy when reinforcements arrived, including Dumbledore."


"I'm going to see you dead, Potter." Malfoy said slowly, standing and moving towards the door.


Malfoy: That’s right. Away from the scary wierdo.


"Leaving so soon, Malfoy?" Harry asked in a neutral voice.


Malfoy: (As Harry) Before I’ve raped you?

Snape: (As Draco) That thing . . . in your stomach. It’s ruptured . . . argh!

Malfoy: *sniggers*


"I've got what I wanted to get." Malfoy said, turning slowly. "I have no desire to sit in your presence for one more moment than I have to do so."

"That's too bad." Harry said in that same careful voice. "You have a prime opportunity to find things out about me that no other person on Voldemort's side will ever have. I'm sure when he learns that you turned it down, he's going to be a trifle upset."

"What makes you think I'm on his side?" Malfoy asked.


Malfoy: (As Harry again) The fact that you’re so sugary and cute and sweet and gorgeous.

Riddle: *Looks at Luc* We don’t want another incest scandal. Not after last time.

Malfoy: Well, he is.

Weasley: Ooh! Daddy’s been ‘tutoring’ Draco over the summer!

Malfoy: Shut it, Weasley.


"You both want me dead, for one." Harry answered with a sad smile. "Then there's the fact that your father was in his inner circle, our rivalry in school, and your hatred of mudbloods. You're a perfect fit for his little group."

"That shows just how much you do know." Malfoy snapped back in an irritated tone.


Riddle: Voldemort doesn’t like blonds.

Malfoy: (Sulking) Not even me?

Riddle: You’re my loyal second. You don’t count.

Snape: He prefers redheads.

Weasley: *Hides*


"Then sit down and let's continue, I do believe it's my turn." Harry responded, and Malfoy stayed in front of the door, thinking. "Let's see if we can manage to do this until we reach Hogwarts. I think that alone will be enough to give half the school a heart attack."


Riddle: Hopefully the half containing Dumbledore, the bitch.

Snape: You’re just scared of him.

Riddle: Says the guy who’s so scared of him that he turned himself over to /his side/

Malfoy: Now you’ve done it, Sev. You’ve got the Dark Lord mad.

Riddle: *Stands up, eyes glowing red*

Malfoy: Quick! Worship him!

Snape: No!

Riddle: (Hurt) Why not?

Snape: *Shrugs* Don’t feel like it.

Malfoy: Beg forgiveness, then!

Riddle: Too late. CRUCIO!

Snape: Ah! The pain! The pain!


"I'd say more than half."


Malfoy: (Ignoring Tom, who is torturing Sev.) I wonder if that still includes Dumbledore?

Riddle: It had better.


Malfoy sniggered, sitting back down, but now in a more relaxed pose, his feet actually resting on the empty seat next to Harry. "Your turn, scarhead."


Riddle: Who’s scarhead?

Malfoy: I think he means Potter.

Snape: *Glowers* That hurt, mister Dark Lord.

Malfoy: Well, it was the Crucio curse, Sev.

Snape: Yeah, but he didn’t have to do it so hard.

Riddle: Baby.



"Why did you offer me your friendship in first year?" Harry asked, suppressing the thrill of victory at Malfoy's staying, and at the look of surprise and hurt on the blonde's face from the question.


Malfoy: Because he’s a smart kid really.

Snape: He is? I always thought that he was cruel and bigoted.

Malfoy: Well, yes, but smart too.


"Two reasons." Malfoy answered, sitting back up a little straighter. He raised one, thin, aristocratic finger as he continued.


Riddle: Only to have it severed by Potter’s enchanted, whirling blades.

Malfoy: Sometimes I worry about you, my Lord.

Riddle: Why? Everyone knows that sadistic cruelty coupled with extreme violence is good for the soul.

Snape: I thought that was friends and caring about people.

Riddle: No, definitely cruelty and violence.

Snape: I’m not going to argue with you, because then you’ll just hurt me again.

Riddle: Good for you.


"First was that Father told me to try and befriend you. You were the most famous child of our age, and he knew that Dumbledore would be keeping a close eye on you. Having Harry Potter, the Boy-Who-Lived as a friend of the Malfoys would help Father out when it came to keeping the Ministry under control, and if we could turn you against Dumbledore, it'd be even better. Second, you ARE the most famous kid in our year. I'm a Malfoy, and I don't like having others outshine me. If you were my friend, I'd be able to stay on top."


Snape: Did you really tell him to be friends with that brat?

Malfoy: . . . yes.

Snape: *Looks at Luc*

Riddle: *Looks at Luc*

Malfoy: (Protesting) Look, I didn’t know he would turn out to be a goody two-shoes Dark hater like Dumbledore, did I?

Riddle: I would have thought it would be obvious, Lucius.

Malfoy: You say that about everything, lord.

Riddle: Well, I /did/ kill his parents.


"So you really weren't interested in being my friend?" Harry asked, pushing the rules a little bit. Malfoy just stared at him over the second finger he'd raised and smirked.


Riddle: I’m bored. Do you think it’s possible that the Weasley kid has just upped and left us here?

Weasley: No. I’m stuck here too, remember. And if I left, you would probably hunt me down and kill me like the blood-traitor I am.

Riddle: True enough. Why hide?

Snape: He took a dive behind his seat when I mentioned you liked redheads.

Riddle: *Grins*


"Potter, friendships are merely temporary alliances between people." Malfoy's tone was somewhat similar to Snape's when the Potions Master was lecturing on something he felt was utterly obvious. "The concept of friends helping each other for anything beyond their own personal gain is a fairy tale, and no more real. Now, I do believe it's my turn for a question. Are you and the Weasel taking turns boffing the mudblood?"


Weasley: GACK!

Malfoy: *Sniggers* Weasley, Potter and Granger, living in a cave. . .

Snape: Weasley is Granger’s kid-bitch-slave.

Weasley: SHUT UP!


"Ron and her are an item, and she's like a sister to me?" Harry said with a snort of indignation.


Snape: *falls about laughing*

Weasley: *Glares*


"So, have you boffed her or not?" Malfoy asked and Harry glared at him.

"I said she's like a sister to me?"

"So?" Malfoy taunted, a leer on his face. "They say incest is best."


Malfoy: Mmm . . . incest. *Starts to grind on Sev*

Snape: Mmm . . . Lucius.

Riddle: Mmm . . .slash.

Weasley: Pass the opium. I need to stop my nausea.



"Just because Fred and George bugger each other doesn't mean everyone wants to sleep with their relatives." Harry retorted, enjoying the look of horror on Malfoy's face.

"Ugh!" Malfoy spat disgustedly. "I did NOT need that mental image."


Riddle: Neither did we!


"But you don't mind imagining Ron doing it with Hermione?" Harry pressed, smiling at Malfoy's discomfort.


Weasley: Yes, we did! Please, no pictures!

Snape: It’s not as bad as the other one.

Riddle: Oho? What happened to mister ‘rather fornicate with a squirrel’?

Snape: Didn’t say anything about watching.

Malfoy: Just focus on the incest.


"That's just as bad." Malfoy spat angrily, and then chuckled slightly. "Still, I guess it's my fault. I did ask."

"Yes, you did." Harry said with a slight smile, leaning back slightly. This was going even better than he'd hoped, and Malfoy had started taking things into the realm of the personal instead of about Voldemort and the war. "What's your favorite memory of childhood, before you started at Hogwarts?"


Riddle: (As Draco) When I lost my virginity!

Malfoy: *Glowers*

Riddle: What? It’s not as if I can say anything to offend you morally.

Malfoy: It’s not that. I have priority on the dirty jokes due to my condition.

Weasley: Just because he’s in Heat.

Malfoy: *Kills Weasley*

Weasley: . . . urk.

Riddle: *Rolls eyes* Fine. You do it.

Malfoy: (Sulkily) No point now.


"None of your business." Malfoy stated angrily, his earlier mirth evaporated.

"Oh, so it has to do with Voldemort?" Harry pushed on carefully.


Riddle: Not that I remember.


"No, but…oh damn." Malfoy stated softly. He sat there in silence for a few minutes, his eyes glazed over in thought. "It was when I was six, no seven, and we went out on a picnic. It was just father, mother, and I. We didn't even take house-elves with us. The carriage took us down to a river and we ate on the bank of the river. I kept running around, naming the bushes and plants we saw. Both father and mother were smiling and father said I was a smart boy."


Snape: *Begins to play a violin*

Riddle: I knew it! I knew it! It’s a sympathy fic.

Malfoy: What’s wrong with that?

Riddle: *Eyes flash red* I hate sympathy fics.


"That's a nice picture." Harry said honestly and was surprised at the look of scorn on Malfoy's face.


Malfoy: (As Harry) When did you paint it?

Riddle: (As Draco) Just now.

Malfoy: (As Harry) I wub you Draco.

Snape: Voldemort! It’s almost a Mary-Sue!

Riddle: Since when did you use my name to swear by, Snape?

Snape: *Shrugs* Since now?

Riddle: I think that’s kind of flattering.


"Don't make fun of my family, Potter." Malfoy spat in scorn.

"I'm not making fun of that, Malfoy." Harry said earnestly. "It really was nice."

"Oh." Malfoy said softly, a look of mild surprise on his face. "What's your favorite memory?"

"The day I got my Hogwarts letter." Harry replied instantly. "It was the first time I'd ever gotten something that was just for me, and even though I didn't get to open it that time, I still remember the feeling of seeing something just for me."

"What do you mean you didn't get to open it?" Malfoy asked in surprise. "Everyone gets to open their letter."

"Not if their family is full of muggles who want nothing to do with magic." Harry said sourly, and Malfoy actually looked shocked.

"That's…scandalous that muggles would treat any wizard that way!" Malfoy was almost indignant.


Riddle: But nobody cares anymore!

Malfoy: Rape, rape, rape, rape, rape. *Rapes Sev’s knee*

Snape: Hey, that hurts! Go rape Weasley, he’s dead.

Malfoy: Necrophilia, eh? Kinky.

Riddle: *revives Ron*

Weasley: Death is a four letter word.

Snape: No, it’s not. It’s a five letter word.

Riddle: At least I don’t have to watch Lucius raping him.

Weasley: WHAT?

Riddle: Don’t look at me. It was Snape’s idea.

Malfoy: Thus the slash is further convoluted.

Snape: Lucius, we are not a slash fic. You are a slash fic.

Malfoy: *Smirks*


"For once we're in agreement on something, Malfoy." Harry said and smiled as Malfoy's surprise turned to…shock was the closest he could tell. "So, are you and Parkinson really promised to each other?"

"No, and if that pug-faced bitch thinks she's going to get into my pants again, she's got another lesson coming." Malfoy said in a cold, furious tone that almost made Harry laugh. "Is there any girl that's caught the Git-Who-Lived’s eye?”


Malfoy: (Slyly) Boy, you mean.


Snape: Weasley, you do understand that even if you said ‘BEARS DO NOT SHIT IN THE WOODS’ very loudly and repeated it over as a mantra until the end of your days, it wouldn’t make all forest dwelling ursines constipated?

Malfoy: *Sniggers* A very powerful blocking charm, on the other hand.

Riddle: We are verging on toilet humour. Why?

Weasley: I don’t care what you say, you slimy haired git.

Snape: I am so offended by that comment. My hair is greasy, not slimy.

Riddle: How many times have we killed him today?

Snape: Don’t know. Three?

Malfoy: Better leave it at that, really. He might lose his mind.

Snape: Lose it where?

Riddle: Void betwixt life and death.

Snape: So that’s where my earmuffs went.

Malfoy: Give it up, Sev. You can’t do humour.


"None anymore." Harry answered with a shrug. "If I survive Voldemort's next few attempts on my life, I'm not sure I want some bird who just sees the public figure and not the real me."


Malfoy: Yes. I wonder who the /real/ Harry Potter is.

Riddle: Believe me, Lucius. You do not want to know.


"Get used to it, Potter." Malfoy said with a weird smile that was almost conspiratorial. He looked out the window, and a wistful look appeared on his face for a moment.


Snape: Wait, didn’t Potter pull the shutters down?

Weasley: Maybe there’s an interesting shaped stain there that Malfoy’s looking at. Or maybe he doesn’t realise that the shutters are down.

Malfoy: Leave my son alone, Weasley.

Riddle: (Absently) Temper, Lucius.

Malfoy: You’re only saying that because you fancy him.


"Wizards such as you and I have little chance for attachments of the heart. Those are for fairy tales. It's about duty, and honor, and familial obligation."

"Is that all your life is about?" Harry asked in curiosity.

"What else is there, Potter?" Malfoy asked in return.


Malfoy: (As Harry) Sex!

Riddle: So predictable.

Snape: So mind-numbingly gorgeous.

Weasley: Urg.


"I don't know, Malfoy, but I'm tempted to find out. Aren't you?" Harry said in a breathy voice, finally voicing something he'd been thinking about all summer.


Riddle: What, besides his wand, did Draco keep in his pants?

Malfoy: Yes! Rape, rape, rape, rape.


"Tempted to find out what?" Malfoy asked in a quizzical tone.


Snape: (As Harry) Whether wizards give birth, or reproduce by sporing.

Weasley: Please, let it be the second one.

Malfoy: (Pitying) Poor kid.

Snape: (Mildly) He’s young yet.

Malfoy: *Sighs* I suppose. He’s not as pretty as me, is he though?

Snape: No-one is as pretty as you, possum.

Weasley: Bah.

Malfoy: Homophobe.


"What is there in life besides what everyone expects of us? Harry questioned in that same breathy voice. "You've had all your life mapped out for you by your father. For me it was Dumbledore and some stupid prophecy. It's never been about what I want, what I need, but about what everyone else wants or everyone else needs."


Riddle: (As Draco) Hey, do you have asthma or something?

Malfoy: I heard that was infectious. If Potter gives asthma to my son, I’ll AK him.

Riddle: You can’t do that.

Malfoy: Why not, Lord?

Riddle: Prophecy. Weren’t you listening?

Snape: He wasn’t. He was too busy envisioning slash.

Malfoy: *Leers at Sev*

Snape: Stoppit.


"What is it that you do want?" Malfoy asked in a voice that was lower than normal, and devoid of all haughtiness.


Malfoy: (As Harry) Shaft me now.

Snape: (Also Harry) No, wait, don’t. We’re on a moving train. It could be dangerous.


"I don't know, but I'd like to find out." Harry answered in total honesty, meeting those pale eyes that were studying him in open curiosity. "All my life I've been defined by what others have done, or said. Voldemort attacked me when I was a kid, and I became the bloody Boy-Who-Lived. Dumbledore stuck me with an aunt and uncle who hated anything to do with magic in order to keep me alive, and then brought me back into the wizarding world, expecting me to be eternally grateful. Then he kept information from me that caused me to make stupid mistakes, and people got killed. Now he tells me that it's either Voldemort or me; that I have to kill Voldemort or die. Well, I'm sick of other people deciding my life for me, I'm thinking that I want to be the master of my own destiny."


Riddle: (As Harry) All I need now is an ocarina, a sword, and the five golden bean-babies.

Malfoy: (Aside to Sev) Thank Nostrodamus he hasn’t seen the game.

Snape: (Aside to Luc) We’d never hear the end of it.


"You have to kill the Dark Lord or die?" Malfoy's voice was hoarse as he spoke in surprise, and Harry smiled at him, a smile that did not reach his own eyes.


Malfoy: (As Harry) No, I just have to die.

Riddle: (Smugly) I’ll get him one day.

Snape: Sure you will, Lord.

Riddle: Don’t patronise me.


"That's the secret Voldemort was after in the Department of Mysteries, Draco." Harry said in a confident voice. "That's the secret my godfather died helping to protect, the secret that would anyone a place of honor at Voldemort's side. Voldemort and I are bound in the prophecy, neither of us can be killed except by each other."


Snape: Or falling rocks.

Malfoy: Or drowning at sea.

Riddle: Or getting stabbed, shot, or run over by a bus.

Malfoy: Anything really.

Snape: That has a great potential for merchandising. Invincible boy.

Weasley: Meh. Been done.


"Why did you tell me that?" Malfoy asked in astonishment. Harry could see the calculating look in those eyes. With that piece of information, Malfoy could slip his watchers and earn himself high honors at the Dark Lord's side, and they both knew that.


Riddle: Except that I already know that now. *Evil laugh*

Malfoy: Poor little Draco.


"Tell me, Draco, are you happy with the life your father's planned out for you?" Harry asked instead of answering Malfoy directly. It was a slight victory that he was using the blonde's first name without any protest.

"My happiness has nothing to do with the plans for my life." Malfoy snapped testily, and Harry could hear a slight note of bitterness there. "I'm a Malfoy and Malfoy's have a role to play in society. My very birth as a Malfoy pre-ordained my path in life."

"While a Prophecy pre-ordained mine." Harry countered, and their eyes met. There, for a brief moment there was something that connected them, a sense of kinship.


Malfoy: Slash! At last!

Riddle: This is dull.

Snape: I hope they both get eaten by a dementor.


"I told you once, Potter, that I could help you in life." Malfoy said as he broke their eye connection. "Instead you chose that Weasel."


Malfoy: Weasel. *Waits for a reaction*

Weasley: I no longer care.

Snape: Boy after my own heart.

Weasley: If you’re implying that I’m gay, you have another thing coming.


"Yes, I chose." Harry stated firmly, putting a great deal of emphasis on that last word. Malfoy looked up sharply at that, and his eyes narrowed in a calculating way. "Since I did choose, I can always change that choice. It's called Free Will, Malfoy, and we all have that ability."

"Possessing something does not mean you can always use a thing." Malfoy countered and Harry leaned forward, willing his heart to slow down from the sudden racing it was doing.


Malfoy: What’s it racing with?

Snape: A broom. A raincoat. How the hell should I know?

Malfoy: My, my, someone’s getting tetchy.

Snape: Needs a little calming down, perhaps.

Malfoy: *Kisses Sev passionately* That could be arranged.

Weasley: (Shaking his head) How do they keep that up?

Riddle: Valium. Secret of all Dark Wizards. Well, that and the fact that Lucius is perpetually randy.

Malfoy: Can’t argue with that.

Weasley: Bleh.


"Can not, or will not use a thing?" Harry shot back.


Malfoy: (As Harry) Get it out and show me, Draco you pansy.

Weasley: (Paley) He was talking about free will.

Riddle: I don’t think Lucius cares.


"What difference is there so long as it isn't used?" Malfoy waved a hand at the passing landscape beyond the window. "It might be there, but I for one won't turn my back on everything I was raised to believe in, was even born to be in this world."

"So you let yourself be chained by the ideas of others, cornered, pigeonholed into a path in life that you had no choice in?" Harry challenged, and Malfoy raised an eyebrow.

"What else is there?" Malfoy's voice was an answering challenge. "You want me to side with you and Dumbledore and your precious 'side of light', battling the evil Dark Lord? You want me to throw away my life the way your precious godfather did, or risk my life the way Longbottom and the others did?"

"I doubt you'd fit in with Dumbledore, the Weasleys, and the others." Harry said with a dismissive wave of his own hand.


Snape: His own hand? He keeps other people’s hands?

Malfoy: *Pulls a face* Eew . . . a hand fetish!


"Funny, you don't mention yourself in that group." Malfoy noted, and Harry smiled.


Riddle: (As Harry) That’s because I’m goody two shoes superboy!

Weasley: *Glowers*


"One thing I've never thought of you as was stupid, Malfoy."


Riddle: (Harry again) No, not stupid, just a creep.

Snape: He’s on a roll.

Malfoy: That, or someone has hypnotised him into believing that people will flood the cinema with poisinous gas if he doesn’t make a wisecrack every thirteen words.

Snape: Actually, that’s true.

Malfoy: What?

Snape: It’s why we’re here, rather than going about our normal business, be it as dark lords, or fanboys.

Weasley: I am not a fanboy.

Malfoy: I’ll be damned.

Riddle: Considering the number of people who believe that your real name is Lucifer, I wouldn’t be surprised.

Malfoy: I’m Lucius.

Weasley: We know.


Harry allowed with that same smile and Malfoy snorted. "Some of your little tricks over the years have really been quite ingenious. That dementor bit, and the 'Weasley is our King' badges, not to mention the 'Potter Stinks' from fourth year. The only problem is that they always backfired, because you never thought things through. That's your weakness, Malfoy, and the weakness of your father and his precious Dark Lord. You are all so used to predestined paths and everyone walking down the road that's planned for them that you rarely plan for people not doing exactly what's planned."

"Like your side does any better." Malfoy countered with a hint of anger in his voice. He squirmed in his seat slightly as well.

"Oh Dumbledore has much the same problem, and I don't plan nearly enough." Harry admitted casually, and he was pleased to see how that threw Malfoy off. "The only thing we have going for us is that we can usually think on our feet and throw off the carefully laid plans of others."

"Who is we?" Malfoy asked.


Malfoy: No, who is on first. Pass the opium.

Weasley: That joke is so tired.

Snape: As am I. Who trapped us here in the first place, and why?

Riddle: I am sure that all will be revealed in good time.

Snape: Well, I’m not.

Malfoy: Cynic.

Snape: Boffin.

Riddle: Oh, yes, do kill each other. Killing will make it all better.

Malfoy: Thank you, Lord, for your sarcasm.

Riddle: I was being enthusiastic.

Snape: Damned sadist.

Malfoy: Just love me, Sev.


"Me, and whoever I'm with, usually." Harry said softly

"Why did you really bring me in here?" Malfoy finally asked the question Harry had been asking for.

"Tell me, Malfoy, have you ever wondered what it was like to have sex with a boy?" Harry asked, finally taking the last leap he'd planned. Malfoy reacted by coughing and looking at Harry with wide eyes.

"I'm a Malfoy, and Malfoy's don't sleep with boys."


Malfoy: No! We sleep with MEN!

Weasley: *Coughs*

Snape: *Pulls Luc onto the floor.*

Malfoy: *Starts making out with Sev*

Riddle: I hate you, Ronald.

Weasley: Me too. *Sighs*


Malfoy finally said when he'd gotten his coughing under control."Nice, but you still haven't answered my question, Draco." Harry said, and he moved quickly. Malfoy stiffened as Harry moved across the space between them. He crouched over the stiff, but still sitting Malfoy. His arms were placed so that his hands rested on the seat beside Malfoy's thighs. Harry's own torso was between Malfoy's legs, and their crotches were touching just enough to send tingles through Harry. Their faces were now so close that Harry could see little else but those pale pools Malfoy called eyes. They were wide now, and when Malfoy drew in a deep breath, he practically pulled Harry's own breath out of his lungs. "Can you honestly say you've never wondered what it would be like, to touch another boy, to feel his hardness against yours, to feel his mouth on yours?"


Riddle: Hah! Slash! Not rape! Snape owes me fifty galleons.

Snape: *From floor* Unfair. You knew that before.


"What…what ever happened to being shy?" Malfoy countered in a small voice, and he tried to pull his head back, but made no other move to resist. Harry could feel something growing where their crotches met, and he nearly shouted with joy that Hermione had been right yet again.


Malfoy: Call me your bitch! Call me your bitch!

Riddle: Snape, Lucius is not your bitch! He’s my damn follower! Crucio!



"I've decided that I'm tired of being the Harry Potter everyone's always expecting me to be." Harry said softly, still smiling slightly. "I'm going to kill Voldemort, because I want to live, but that's the only reason why I'm going to do that. After that, I'm going to lead my life the way I want, be who I want to be. I'm one of the most powerful wizards of our generation, Draco, and I'm going to live my life for me. Join me, Draco. Your father's done nothing but bring the Malfoy name to ruin. His following Voldemort has led you to nothing but to the situation you are in now. Voldemort couldn't kill me when I was a baby, he couldn't do it when I was a first year, he couldn't do it when I was a fourth year, and he didn't do it a few months ago. I'm going to beat him, Draco, and when I finally do kill him, everyone connected to him is going to end up dead or in prison as well. You said you were born to carry on the Malfoy family name, Draco, but if you continue on the path your father is on, all you'll do is complete its ruin."

"You want me to join you?" Draco's voice was soft, but he moved slightly so that the hardness in his lower regions pressed against Harry. Those pale pools that were Malfoy's eyes were full of something new, something Harry was fairly certain was desire.

"I want you to join me, and a few others of the best in our generation." Harry said softly, and moved closer so that their chests were now connecting and their lips mere millimeters apart.


Snape: Uh . . . uh . . . uh . . .

Weasley: Cover my eyes. Dear Merlin, cover my eyes.

Riddle: *Blindfolds Ron*

Weasley: Gah!

Malfoy: *Looks up* *Snerks*

Weasley: I didn’t mean literally.

Riddle: Calm down. It’ll all be over soon.

Weasley: Unless there’s a sequel.

Snape: *Spasms*


"We'll get rid of Voldemort, and then we'll strike out on our own for a few years. Go to University, work, spend a few on the Riviera, whatever we damn feel like doing. Then, when we're ready, we'll make sure no one else ever controls our lives again. You, me, and just a few others that we trust, that are strong enough, smart enough, to work with us, we'll make sure that no one ever controls our futures again."


Malfoy: (Scandalized) University? When would a Malfoy consent to going to a muggle university? What is this, Weasley’s opium-addled dream?

Weasley: I wish. My opium addled dreams are a lot nicer than this, thankt

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this, thank you.

Snape: *Gnaws on Luc’s foot*


"You and me." Draco said, that something Harry was sure as desire bloomed in those eyes, becoming almost a fire.

"Us, together." Harry said, lowering his lips just enough so that they touched Draco's. He tasted sweet, with just a hint of spices. Harry moved so that he gathered those pale lips between his teeth and bit slightly. Draco groaned aloud at that moment, and his body arched against Harry's. Draco's arms were trembling now, and Harry knew he had him. Those lips moved so that they covered Harry's, and when Harry's tongue entered Draco's mouth, another moan filled the train's compartment. When Draco started trembling a few moments later, his body giving way to spasms as he came in his pants, Harry knew the conquering of Draco Malfoy was complete.


Malfoy: Hah! I knew it! Potter is gay! Though he probably gave Draco a disease of some kind.

Weasley: Harry is not gay!

Snape: What have I told you about saying that? You’re not allowed to say that.

Malfoy: (Chanting) Potter is ga-ay, Potter is ga-ay.

Weasley: Oh, oh yeah? Lucius and Severus, sitting in a cave! Lucius is Severus’s kid-bitch-slave!

Snape: *Looks at Luc*

Malfoy: *Grins back*

Weasley: Oh, screw the both of you.

Riddle: I don’t think they’d like that.


Outside the compartment, Hermione and Ron stood careful guard to make sure what was happening inside was not interrupted. When they heard the unmistakable groans of a certain blond inside Ron muttered a few curses silently before pulling out a Knut and handing it to Hermione. Hermione just grinned.


The first battle of the sixth year had been won.


Riddle: (Happily) It’s over!

Malfoy: That fic was a breeze.

Snape: You didn’t have to be fully conscious through the whole of it, though.

Malfoy: And you did?

Weasley: He never is.

Snape: Shut your mouth, boy.

Riddle: Gentlemen, I suggest that we quit with the fussing and the feuding. Who’s for brutally murdering some mudblood scum?

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