Luc

I appreciate the thoughtful review. Thank you very much.

I guess I’m tired of hiding from the world. It was bound to happen eventually. The silence in my head was hurting my ears. It is somewhat good to hear a voice again, though I’m not quite certain just yet what voice it is. Might be mine. I realize just how out of touch I am with everyone and everything. I don’t even know if my ‘friends’ are out there anymore. I know some very important ones are not. Wish I could fix that. But you know what they say, “If wishes were horses, beggars would ride.” But I’m going to make a sincere attempt to rejoin the living. This is the only place I can think to do that. So… am now in Georgia instead of New York. Yeah, when I run away, I run FAR away. Georgia I about as far from NY as you can get—geographically and ideologically. it is warmer here. NY was cold. Ok, I slightly miss the snow, especially at Christmas. But it is a small price to pay for not freezing my ass off. My cats prefer it also. Only have 3 now: Meep (my pic), Baby Kitty Beast (long hair black boy) and KK (short for Kitty Kitty—a big fat grey sort-of tiger girl). KK recently moved in. She has no tail and I could not say no to her. My son has graduated from school and has been accepted at SUNY. He will be studying physics. God help the world. I haven’t written anything creatively. Maybe that is gone. Not sure, but will make an attempt to begin again. I do like to hear my own voice-hence this blog. So maybe I will be able to write again. Hope so, I miss it.

An ache filled with longing or regret. A sharp stab to the heart, as filled with anger as it is with agony. An emptiness that threatens to consume your soul. The pain of love takes many forms. Nothing hurts worse than love.

I love you, you know. Will you remember that? Long after my words no longer appear upon your screen? Will you remember how once my words wrapped around your hand like fingers and promised they would never let go? Will you still feel that touch, even after they have broken their promise? Words of beauty should never be forgotten, should always be remembered by someone. Words of beauty and depth, words which hold the soul of the person who can never touc

It’s said no loss is without gain, But not this time, there’s only pain. I can’t keep going on like this, So let me give you one last kiss And hold you close just one more time. I’ll always remember when you were mine Our words once meant so very much. They held our hearts, they were our touch. But now they sound like words alone, Vestigial feelings clinging to dying bones I guess there’s nothing left to do But let my arms let go of you. And if you’ll do the same for me

(a song) When I woke up this morning my head was still filled with the memories of sweet dreams of you and I wanted to tell you, to tell you I love you and how you had haunted my dreams and I wanted to tell you to tell you how much every word that you say means to me So I got up this morning and rushed out to look for the words that you always would leave and I wanted to read them to read them and hear them and feel all the things in your he

When did you become the smile that lights my eyes? When did you become the touch that thrills my senses, the pulse that drives my blood? When did you become the song that soothes my soul, the voice that whispers my words? When did you become the breath that sustains my life? And when will you become the pain that yields my death?

I hear the Siren’s seductive call It calls me to that rocky shore With promises of love and hope And arms to hold me ever more. I cannot steer my ship away From this persistent haunting voice Though reason knows it is my death My soul decrees there is no choice Though Hell awaits still I must go If only for the merest chance My lips might brush yours in a kiss My arms hold you for one brief dance

Time passes so slowly when I can’t sleep. The clock on the wall ticks off the seconds, the only sound in the room. And I find myself counting them as they pass, knowing that 60 ticks will make a minute and 3,600 ticks will make an hour; and if I count to 21,600 ticks, it will be daylight. But there is nothing to look forward to in the sun, nothing that the light of day will bring to me except more time to wait, more time to count the seconds as they tick away

I feel so inadequate. When I need, you are right there, your every word, every gesture a gentle teasing comfort. But when you need, I am lost, my feelings overwhelming me to the point of non-expression. My hand reaches out to you, but my fingers halt just short of a touch, unsure of their welcome, unsure if they will just make it worse. And my hand falls to my side. And my words die on my lips. And the thin membrane of glass between us becomes a wall wor

words from the softest voice are the sharpest cutting into the skin without benefit of a blade without intent innocent words out of context meant to land elsewhere yet slicing no less deeply for their lack of aim the wound bleeds blood unknowing uncaring that it was never meant to flow tears unbidden unintended unrestrained flow from eyes that see only that they have failed you

Your words of love, slice through my flesh into my soul, a surgeon’s scalpel—deadly, precise Releasing the hatred housed there, hatred hot and burning like magma from a volcano It flows from me, a flood of devastation, destroying all it touches, leaving behind a heart as cold as ice How can you speak such sweet syllables, utter such soft sentiments when your mouth is like a serpent’s gape? How can your touch both tantalize and torment when your caress is as ter

I walk alone lost in a world I no longer know the mists of darkness surround me and I try to see the forest but I cannot see past the trees and I listen for your voice but the silence of the night deafens me and I reach out to touch you but I find only empty air the path I tread is hidden from me but the ground beneath my feet is soft and yielding and I fear I must surely sink beneath its surface and when my breath is consumed by the cold, moist earth

I know you are always with me. I can feel your arms holding me close even though we have never touched. I know you would never leave me. I can hear the sincerity in your words even though I have never heard your voice. But I don’t know if I can make it through this just knowing these things when I need to feel you so much. And it is beyond pathetic that I need to cling to you from thousands of miles away, but you are half of me and my heart doesn’t beat

I will hold you in my heart for the distance between us is too great for my arms to span. I will see you in my dreams, for your face is far away, too far for my eyes to see. Even now, though you’re but inches away, a cool stream for my thirsting soul the inches turn to miles. I fear that it will always be thus, Ever near, yet ever far, For the space of time itself. I pray eternity is not too long.

My friend, quietly in the background-- never quite by my side, but always at my elbow when I found myself alone. My lover, quietly at my side-- your arms always around me, holding me together when I was falling apart. My friend slipping quietly back into your role-- releasing me from your arms, but holding me in your heart. When will you finally let me go?

Your words cut like a scalpel through my exposed soul, leaving a thick line of pain, hot and twisting. Did you spend time, did you dwell with the words, tasting their bitterness, sampling their savagery before serving your departing dish? Did you plan to pain, wish to wound, desire to destroy? You whom I would have died for… would have killed for… would have lived for… When did the pendulum swing from loving to loathing, from holding to hating? Now I w

If I should close my eyes and never open them again, will you still see me? Will the darkness that surrounds me take away your light? Will you still feel my arms around you, still feel my fingers laced with yours? Will my breath still be warm against your lips? Or will the cold of the night pass between us? If you should close your eyes and never open them again, will you still see me? Will the darkness that surrounds you take away my light? Will you

“I’m not quite what you need, am I?” And I just looked at him. “And I know you love me, and you know I love you-- but I’m just not the one, am I?” And I just looked away. Is love enough? Is the underlying friendship enough to fill in the blanks, the holes, the missing pieces? Is it enough to want someone? Is it enough to need someone if all that you need is more than they can give? Is it wrong to hold on when your head tells you to let go but y

Bittersweet thoughts Memories of words spoken of moments shared They seduce me with their sweetness meandering through my mind like a gently winding stream. They damn me with their clarity rushing through my head like a ruthless raging river. They torment me with their truth. forcing me to suspect the hoplessness of the dreams that still linger within them. But I’m awakened as the silence shatters. The expected word at last spoken aloud as sharp and

I look outside my window and watch the snow as it falls. The light from the streetlight touches the snowflakes and they sparkle like falling diamonds. And I see a lone set of footprints on the sidewalk, and my eyes follow them as they pause outside my door then continue down the street, vanishing in the distance. And I look up at the sky and see that the snow continues to fall, its progress to the earth as inexorable as the progress of time.

distance I swore would never be has grown between us like a chasm growing wider every day filled with insecurities and silence the silence is the hardest thing conversing as strangers acquaintances with few words to share, polite, questions answered, talk small the feeling of loss is overwhelming like a void within my soul a black hole empty yet still filled with the incredible, unbearable absence of you but if I were to extend

As I look for you, the lightning flashes and my eyes melt, hot little rivers running down my cheeks and the rain turns to fire, burning my skin, charring my flesh until it falls from my bones. And a cold wind whips through my eye sockets, blowing through my skull, whispering as it passes “Yours no more.” And I stand for a moment, the last vestiges of my life, and of my love holding my bones erect for just one more moment clinging

you said you would always be there to light my way when my world is dark to warm me heart when my soul is cold to grasp my hand when I feel I’m falling to find me when I am lost you said you were mine forever your heart belonged to me your soul belonged to me your hand was mine until the end of time you said you would never leave me no matter what happened no matter how hard things got nothing would take you from me not even death alway

(a song) I can’t feel you when I close my eyes But I can hear your voice The way you say my name And the way you laugh And I hurt much more than I can stand Cuts so deep they cannot bleed Each syllable of every word Like shards of glass And there’s this knot in my stomach That just will not go away ‘cause I don’t know where you are And I don’t know if you’re ok And you said you’d never leave me But you really have this time And you know