Bensiamin

What a great start - a sweet and charming tale getting under way. And from Down Under, no less! I’m already looking forward to Chapter Two.

I’m with Marty on the natural dialogue! Good job, Talo. Aerial certainly comes off as one unable/unwilling to make any type of long term commitment. Has Max spent too much time with him, and the behavior has rubbed off on him too? He certainly won’t only be meeting Nate’s parents at their home - he will have the somewhat precocious younger brother to contend with too! LOL!

Marty: sorry I missed the "tongue planted in cheek" part. My bad!

For the record, boys, there’s nothing sad about getting the details right. Context is everything in making the story and the characters believable. It’s not about worrying about some arsehole weighing in about the details being wrong. It’s about a whole that holds together as the story unfolds. So, here’s to all the details that do, in fact, make it hold together. Bravo!

I’m coming in late, having read the first fifteen chapters in one go. Clearly I was hooked. The set up for Camp Echo is that it is a state of mind rather than a place. In the story we certainly have a main place, the apartment shared by Aeriol and Max, but the story is beyond that, and what the reader needs to find out about. Set in the ‘70s, it’s well described as a cauldron in which sex, drugs and spirituality float around, yet beneath that rough veneer are the characters, most of who are seekers, and that’s the hook in the story. Like most of us, they all have strengths and weaknesses. I appreciate Talo’s comment that “Max is best explained as a boy who falls easily in love with other boys,” and yes, “no one tells you how to choose” who is the one. And that’s part of the charm and the reality in this story. The reader wants to help Max avoid the pitfalls and support him in making the right decisions. The latest is real tension. The relationship with Nate seems too good to be true! Is he in rebound and Max will get burned? Or, is Max taking too much for granted and missing out what may be the most important event in his life so far? Exclusivity has it’s benefits, but it comes at a price!

If I remember correctly from long. long ago in writing class, a successful short story develops the characters and the story narrative in very tight writing that doesn’t ramble. Geron Kees does it well, and Talo certainly succeeds here. The outcome may be dark, but so are parts of life. However, reading this story is thrilling. To work a delightful piece of humor (I’m biblically naked) into an otherwise dark tale not only changes the tone temporarily but takes the edge off!