Jonnie

A short piece about a man, his lover, and his lover's brother.

The day was cold and gray, just as the man liked it. He was sitting by himself in the middle of the park on a cold, hard bench. The clouds showed no sign of rain, and for that, the man was glad; no matter how much he loved the cold, he hated the illnesses that came with it. In front of the bench was a bright brown path, and after that the ground soon sloped to meet a large pond. It seemed almost cliché to him, but he didn’t bother to complain. The man did nothing but stare into this p

If I had a better nose, I think I'd actually like how I look.

There is, though: misandry (misos = hatred and andres = man). So they were fair when they made up words like these. And thanks for the misanthropy part; I guess I just don't think through these things enough.

Never thought of that! Thanks for that. I didn't realize that, but I'm not surprised since I try not to think too much about these things because I usually don't get too far or it's too confusing—my reply to Procyon White went through at least 5 drafts! I'm sorry I completely derailed this topic. But, to be on topic, I guess the uniqueness is a good thing, in a way—I said already I was quite unique, and being gay makes me even more unique. So cool.

To Benji: That, or a priest. lesfeuxdemoncoeur: Yeah, I suppose I (kind of) see what you're saying. As for it being a conscious denial, I guess it could be that too—I just want to stress that I don't exactly know what to call it. I just don't see it as something I want for myself, so I'm not going to go for it. I don't really see a cause for alarm. In fact...I don't remember how we got on this subject. D:

...I've got to learn to explain things better. I always find it hard to explain this one right, anyway. I don't have a concious desire for sex. Doesn't mean I don't have a sex drive—I still get horny like any normal teenager. I just choose to ignore it because I see it as nothing special. I really don't know how to explain it, but I've done the best I can. As for Freud, I personally don't trust the words pertaining to sex of any man who would honestly tell me I wanted to have sex with my mother when I was little.

I am sure what it's what I want (for once), thankfully. I realize now that I really didn't explain the misogyny part well enough. For one thing, I don't have to see women as stereotypes to be a mysogynist or to not want to have to deal with women. Little things that women have done or have said around me have either offended me or angered me, and it happens quite a lot, but I do realize that shouldn't make me automatically not want to be around women at all, since there are women around me who have never done that—so part of it is I make a bigger deal out of things that offend or anger me, and I have never been able to help it. The other part, I think, is because I'm gay. I mentioned relationships in my first post. Well, as far as I can tell, getting into a relationship is probably going to be all I want to live for the rest of my life (except for family). So, if I'm gay, and most of what I want out of life is to be in a life-long and meaningful relationship—with a man—I'm going to like men more than women for that, too. Couple all of that with me being a loner and automatically disliking a lot of people, it doesn't bode well for me and my disposition towards women—but, by the way, I do try not to actually be sexist. I don't know if what I think of misogyny is different than what you think, but I don't actually hate women or think of them as lesser, it just dictates which sex I'm more likely to want to interact with. Sorry if I confused, offended, or angered you—that was not my intent. EDIT: I have also now realized that 'dealing with women' was probably way to negative of a way to put it, so that certainly didn't help. Sorry!

I just think sex is highly overrated, something not wouldn't be that great anyway, and just something I don't think I'd ever want. Part of the reason I try not to watch TV or movies anymore is because it's everywhere and it's annoying. There's many a story on eFiction I've stopped reading because it got into some ridiculous sex part that was probably thrown in by some sex-starved virgin. Or something. Just because I'm gay, does it mean I have to consider myself a part of the gay 'community'? I mean, sure, I joined these forums and everything, but I'm talking about in real life. Do I have to care about the progress of gay people as a whole? How is distancing myself from the community impeding my progress? If I'm not mistaken, my progress has nothing to do with the community at large. Unless, of course, I'm mistaken by what exactly you mean by 'progress,' and in which case, I wouldn't be surprised. Also, the fact I've never wanted to have a part in gay culture stems from the fact that any time I've tried, even if it's just learning about it through pictures and TV, I've always been put off by it. I tried watching a gay channel—ever heard of Logo?—and I didn't like it much at all. In fact, it even deepened my distaste for gay culture. I don't believe I have to be an active member in the 'gay culture' to be a happy person in the first place. And regarding the people who you love and care about that are GLBT—I'm not saying I'm gonna hate people because they're gay, because I don't wanna be a hypocrite. I'm just saying I myself will never be an active member in the gay community, will never speak up for gay rights (because I think we have a hell of a lot more than other countries anyway), will never like gay culture ONLY because it is not for me. I will never say it is stupid on the whole—I might say pride parades are stupid, and other certain facets of gay culture I don't like, but never gay culture in and of itself. So, forgive me if it seemed like I thought gay culture was something to be abhored or silly or something, I just said I don't like stereotypes and the gay connotation. I don't remember ever 'deriding' gay culture/the gay experience or gay people themselves. And no, don't worry, I didn't see your post as 'attacking' me, although I am confused because I don't remember commenting against gay culture itself.

I said I'd "think about it." I find the idea of having sex is not appealing to me at all, and so I think that being free of any sexual attraction might be liberating. Might be. Mainly it's just much more likely I'd want to be asexual than straight.

Jeez, if anything, I thought the last line of my post would have sparked a discussion. Graeme, I think you've hit the nail on the head in your post. I'm not ashamed, I just don't fit stereotypes. Which by the way, I never try to not fit them, I don't fit by being myself, because I am a unique—and as I've been told on many an occasion—weird person. So, no shame, just a deep resentment towards gay stereotypes. Actually, I don't fit a lot of stereotypes for being a guy, and I find a lot of them (both gay and guy) to be offensive. So I'm just glad I don't fit them, and I think that too many people think, "Well, he's gay, so he's gotta do such and such a thing," even if it's not so direct. Actually, in effect, I could guess you could say I'm ashamed of gay culture or something like that. But being a homosexual? No.

I've never totally liked being gay. It's not to say I'm ashamed of it, I'm just not proud of it, and don't find it too important. I really don't like the connotation of being gay, and I'm glad don't fit nearly any of the gay stereotypes I've heard (well, I heard listening to classical music was a stereotype, but I think that stereotype has no basis at all: how is that a gay thing?). Anyway, if there's anything I do find good about it, it's the fact I don't have to deal with women unless I absolutely have to. I want meaningful relationships—my idea of a good relationship is any straight, strong-Christian guy's, except with a man. Being gay, I don't have to deal with women on any sort of deep level, and being misogynistic (not a whole lot, mind you, but a lot more than most guys, I think), that aspect of being gay makes me a happy camper. Therefore, if a straight pill were ever made, I would flat-out refuse to take it. But...if there was a pill to make me asexual, I'd probably take it.

Right now I'm tackling the Chronicles of Narnia. My sister's got all seven in this one nifty little (well, huge) book. I haven't gotten very far, but so far it's good.

Thanks everyone for the warm welcome!

Um, yeah. Hello everyone. I actually joined GA a few months ago just as a reader; I didn't even know these forums were here. Then recently, while I was adding my story, I figured out there were the forums, and a few days later I found this topic, so I figured I might as well introduce myself. Even if it is three months late. With that all out of the way, I'm hoping for more good reads (already've had a lot already!) and good feedback. Yay!