Starting Over - 1. Chapter 1

To be told you’re worthless hundreds of times,
you begin to believe it’s true.

The un-certainty of every choice grips my heart
always asking permission…
maybe they’ll stay away today.

Have I done good today?
Have I done enough to keep them happy?
I’ll find out soon enough!

Hiding from the world is easy enough,
making myself invisible;
yet wanting to be noticed,

trapped inside my own head,
bounding inside full with energy,
with a cool calm face.

Words floating around;
trying to grasp onto the real concept behind them,
not understanding why they’re being shouted.
How can such malice and spite be behind such simple words?
I can’t understand how they could say that to a child!

after you broke me,
you left…

Being the only one grounded,
I picked up the pieces falling around me,
the person who was told all the problems
I was meant to fix their worlds,
when mine was slowly slipping away from my grasp.

It started again,
except you had left.
I don’t understand…

They made me swallow the pain,
bury it deep inside;
to never let anyone in,
no!
I could hurt them if that happened.

My head became the only safe place again,
away from this cruel world…
behind an happy body
was an emotionless mind;
filled with panic and anger
racing with thoughts,
yet blank.

I pushed everyone away
It’s my fault no one will love me;
that no one wants to know me,
They made sure that I knew this
before I was deemed healthy.

I started a new life,
they stayed with me though.
They are my safety blanket,
I’ve learnt my lesson.

Just as I catch my breath,
fall into a new life;
you want to be near me again,
this time I’m in control
and I won’t let you hurt me again.