All These Years - 1. Chapter 1

All These Years

Chapter One: A Memory

He was beneath my notice. Too young. Too cocky. Too beautiful. A golden boy. Everything came to him. Everything turned to gold. His touch was all it took. Too easy. So happy. So confident. So smug. Cock crazy and pussy stupid. A deadly combo. Why did he choose to challenge me? Why did he smile at me? Why did he start something. Maybe because I let him.

Then the most wonderful thing happened. We fell in love. Then the worst possible thing happened. He left me.

He was afraid of me. Maybe more afraid of himself. My love terrified him. His love terrified him. He would avoid me. He would storm when I cornered him. Then unexpected, he would come to me. Almost yielding to me in our passion. When he was near. When there was touch. I was aching. I was breaking. He made my eye a predator. Each hair on his head. The slightest curve of lip. I could smell his blush. I could swallow his scent. My nostrils would flair. He would ruffle impatient. He would snift indignant. My ears were cocked. And I would spy. And I would conspire. And I would inquire. He would wound me defiant. He would caress me compliant. All these years. All these years. And still I desire. Still I desire.

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He turned his back on me in anger. Then leaned back in sudden ease. My arms would move if I let them. My arms would embrace if I let them. My arms would possess if I let them. My hands would take and grasp and pinch and squeeze and hold and adore, if I let them. My tears would fall if I let them.

He sighed against me. His back singular comfort for my burning chest. He rested his head on my shoulder. My cheek would meet his if I let them. My lips would nibble his ear if I let them. My tongue would lick his neck. My mouth would suck his pulse. If I would let them. My words would curse him if I let them.

He bends forward at the waist, a white lily offering to my godless totem. And he presses for my body. He sways his head. He flips his hair. He moans. He murmurs. He whispers my name. He is mine for the taking. But not for the keeping. Mine for the moment. But not for all time. Not even all night. My passions would run wild if I let them.

He drops to the floor. He spins and kneels and bows all the way down. He lingers with his tongue across my feet. He rests his forehead on my instep and begs. Beloved. Heart. Love. My feet could reject him if I let them.

He rises up and hugs my legs. His face in anguish against my thigh. Tiny hot kisses run down my leg and turn to ice. He will leave me. He will banish me from his sight. He will exile us both. He will rip and tear and rage my name. He will take me to despair. He will drop me to my death. And I cradle his head and press him to my groin. The viper, my lover. The sting, my soul. The cut, my blood. The bite, my hunger.

He has me now. And all I can think. All I can want. All I can feel. Is him. Him. Him. Again. I have him again. Please make this time last. Don’t stop this time. Don’t go away. Stay. Stay with me. With me. What is it you want? What is it you need? Why? Why I am not enough? Why are you afraid? You love me. I know. I know this. And you run. Still you run. You will run again.

He licks me. He laves and brushes with his tongue. He teases and tickles. He plays his fingers and palm for my delight. And his mouth takes me on that journey. That climb to the peak. To that view of heaven. And I want him there with me. I can not bare to remember this alone. Alone. I will be left alone, again.

He is dragging me to the edge. I am fighting. Jump. Jump now. I will hold back. I will not give. He sucks me into the void. He can not have what he will not keep. I will not give what he will not accept. Is this love of ours a war of contest? I will prove my love and take it from you. You shall have my love and never, ever know it.

Thundering violent waves. Upheaving brutal pulsing. Falling, Crashing, Lighting. Gushing. Spilling. Spewing.

Never just pleasure. Never just pain. With him it is always more and more. I pour my being into his being. I live in him. I know him. And he possesses me. And he commands me. My heart leaves its prison. I release my soul from its trap. In joy they race. Their moment of climax. Their dancing orgasmic.

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I am sorry. I know I hurt you. I know I wound you. This is my thank you. This is my acknowledgement of our love. But I can not. I will not. This is my goodbye. My final gift.

And our first kiss on this final night. I wont stop him. So I let him.

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I doubt you want to hear this. I doubt you want to know. When you shut the door and drove away. I must of fainted. Because I woke on the floor. I lay there for hours. I didn't cry but I couldn't move.