Undetermined Identity - 3. Chapter 3...Self Understanding...

Do you want me to tell you something really subversive? Love is everything it's cracked up to be. That's why people are so cynical about it. It really is worth fighting for, being brave for, risking everything for. And the trouble is, if you don't risk anything, you risk even more.”

~Erica Jong~

Nick realized he had more work to do then he though, it literally took him most of the afternoon to finish. Lisa ordered them a Veggie pizza along with a two liter of diet coke so that Nick would not have to stop working.

She layed on the chaise longue reading Wicked Prey by John Stanford, which was the book they would be discussing tonight. They ate pizza and conversed, as Nick needed the break from the computer.

He watched Lisa reading totally at peace curled up on the longue, she gently laced her fingers through her long silky hair removing it from her face. Every so often, she would glace up making eye contact with Nick, blushing then go back to reading. Nick felt a guilty feeling over take him, and wished he could be in love with her; she was an awesome person who deserved to be happy.

It was about 7:30 and Lisa was putting on the final changes on her makeup and hair. Tonight she was wearing her hair down; she wore a pair of camouflage cargo pants and a white tank top with wedge heel cream colored sandals, in her ears she wore matte finished gold bangle hoop earrings.

“Hey girl, hurry up we still have to stop by the store to pick up the Veggie tray, juice, and wine.” Nick said standing in the doorway. These get togethers were very causal. Nick had on a pair of faded denim jeans, a royal blue triple striped long sleeve Aeropostale shirt, and a pair of Nikes.

“Right there babe.” She turned off the light walked over to Nick took his hand and followed him down the stairs.

They pulled up to Tyler and Ashley’s garden style condominium a few minutes after eight. Tyler had already started the party without Nick; he was sitting on the steps in a pair of tan shorts and a green plaid shirtsleeve shirt that he wore open exposing his chest covered with soft blond hair smoking a cigar.

“Hey you two, it’s about damn time you got here, hell everyone is starving waiting on you and, man I’ve been craving some cherry tomatoes all day.” He put his hand up to his mouth and chuckled.

“Hey Ty,” Lisa walked over draping her arms around Tyler’s neck. “How’s it going baby?”

“It’s cool Lisa.” Nick walked up carry the tray, juice, and wine.

“Hey man, what you doing out here, the party is inside.” Asked Nick nodding toward the door.

“Hey Ash babe, Lisa and Nick are here…Get out here.” Tyler called over his shoulder putting out the cigar.

“It’s ok we can go in.” Lisa said reaching for the door just as Ashley pushed it open.

“Hey girl.” Ashley threw her arms around Lisa’s neck and kissed her on the cheek.

“Hey, you look great, I loved that top.” Lisa stepped back admiring the Tie Dyed baby doll sleeveless top Ashley wore with white leggings, she wore her dark brown hair in a ponytail.

“Hey come on in everyone is already here,” she motioned Lisa and Nick.

“Hey baby, will you take that stuff from Nick, I want him to sit and have a beer with me first, we got some work stuff to talk about.” He said handing Nick a brown long neck bottle.

“Sure.” Ashley walked over to Nick. “Hey Nick, you better give me a kiss.” She said tilting her cheek up to Nick’s lips before taking the tray.

“Hey Ash.” Nick gave a weak smile feeling a little embarrassed after his conversation with Tyler. Lisa took the bags from his arms and gave him a kiss.

*cough* “Excuse me.” Tyler laughed tilting his cheek up; Nick gave him a weird look shaking his head.

“See you inside guys.” Lisa said walking through door.

“Hey, Marshall and his friend are already here, man is he hot.” They both giggled walking inside. Tyler smiled after them and then turned a wicked grin towards Nick.

“So… did you tell her yet?” He asked.

“You’re kidding, right?” Nick asked. Tyler shrugged.

“So what you got here?” Nick held up the bottle and read the label. “Peak Organic?” He took a sip, “This is beer, its good man where did you get it.”

“Ash brought that it home; she got it from the health food store, can you believe it buying beer from the health food store, what’s the world coming too?” He laughed as he tilted his head up flicked the lighter open and held it under the cigar waving it back and forth igniting the leaves wrapped inside the brown leafy paper. The very distinct smell of dried leaves hit Nick’s nostrils and right away he knew what it was.
Tyler took a long pull held the smoke in until he almost started chocking and blew out a long trail of smoke.

“Here” He coughed a little handing the blunt to Nick.

“What’s the occasion?” Nick sat down on the step next to Tyler taking the blunt from his hand and taking a pull. “So what’s up dude?” Nick asked blowing smoke into the air.

“Nick, you’re my boy and I love you like a brother. I’m really glad we talked today and you know I got your back.” Tyler made a fist and tapped his chest twice before reaching for the blunt.

“Yeah, I know that.”

“Well.” Tyler said taking a drag. “Man I was wondering how funny it would be, I mean what are the chances of Danny… right, just walking through the door.”

Nick laughed taking a sip of his beer, “Yeah that would be a trip.”

“Yeah.” Tyler laughed a bit harder passing the blunt back to Nick as he blew out smoke.
Laughing just as hard Nick asked, “If Danny showed up at your place would he be with me?” Both Nick and Tyler are both laughing hysterically now, partly at the potential awkward situation and because they are now feeling a little high.

“Hell Nawh are you kidding me.” Tyler chokes on his beer. “He can’t show up with you because (laughing) because.” Tyler is laughing so hard it becomes contagious and Nick is laughing too but not sure why.

Nick’s still laughing hard. “Because what?”

“Because he shows up here with Marshall, ain’t that some shit?”

Nick takes another sip of his beer as he laughs subsides “Yeah that would be crazy.”

All of a sudden, Nick’s face goes pale and his eyes get big as he realizes what his friend just told him. He looks over to Tyler who has a huge grin plastered across his face smirking behind his hand.

“What a world.” Tyler shakes his head as he puts out the blunt by tapping it lightly against the step.
Nick takes in a huge breath of air and releases it slowly.

“Are you serious?” He asked in a somber tone. Tyler nods toward the large window behind him.

Nick leans over to get a better view, there he was just standing there talking to Ashley, looking gorgeous with one hand in his pocket, and the other holding a drink, he tilts his head back slightly in effort to move his hair from his eyes as he starts laughing. He is dressed rather simple wearing only a pair baggy stone washed jeans and a long sleeve white dress shirt untucked looking like he should be in a Calvin Klein ad, he was stunning.
Nick mouth got dry and his heart skipped beats as he admired the young man of his desire.

Looking over to Tyler Nick asked. “So, he came with Marshall?”

“Yes.”

“Hum, Marshall is his…boyfriend?”

“Nope.”

“How do know?” Nick asked curiously.

“I asked.” Tyler stated as a matter of fact.

“Does he have a boyfriend, I wonder?”

“Nope.”

“How do you know that? Nick asked looking over at his friend.

“I asked him that too.” Tyler answered proudly. “Nick you’re my partner, well not my partner, but you know what I mean. I told you I.Got.Yea.Back.

“Wow.” Nick looked back in the window this time seeing Lisa and Danny laughing together. Tyler looked into the window then back to Nick.

“So Tsangaris what you gonna do man?” Nick rubbed his chin back and forth in thought.

“Well nothing tonight, I mean I don’t even know if he likes me. We just talked briefly today and like I said I only met him yesterday.” Nick said scratching his head.

“Ok that’s great, but I’m not talking so much about Danny, I’m talking about Lisa your wife.”

“Oh.”

“Oh yeah, Nick you admitted to me today that you were gay, and that’s cool I have no problem with that, it does not change who we are.” He said pointed from Nick to himself. “And if you were tripping over some random chick, I would tell you to let that shit go and make your marriage work.
But Nick you’re gay and staying married to Lisa is wrong not only for her, but for you too man, you deserve to be happy with who you are and love who you want, who makes you happy man.

“Damn man what’s in that.” Nick laughed pointing to the blunt trying to lighten the mood.

“I’m spitting some serious shit here Nick you need to listen to me man.”
Nick chewed on the inside of his jaw. “I know.”

“Why did you married that damn girl for anyway man I tried to talk your ass out of it, Even when we were standing there I told you I would knock the Minster over and we could make a run for it.” Tyler laughed.

“I know, I know.” Nick said looking back in the window, this time looking more at Lisa then Danny. He turned away took the last sip of his beer.

“I was scared.” He sighed. “I was scared; I had dated girls all my life. I had my first girlfriend in second grade.” He smiled at the memory. “It was not cool in my family to be gay. You know my dad telling gay jokes, always referring to Adam and Eve not Adam, and Steve.”

“I know man, but did you ever stop to think if you told him you were gay he would have stopped, don’t you think he would love you anyway?”

“No, mom maybe but not dad." He sighed dejectly while shaking his head. "In my dad’s eyes, a gay man is not a man." He frowned. "Then there’s Lisa, perfect Lisa. She’s smart, funny, beautiful and comes from a very respectable family. She is a good girl, and she was perfect, I thought I would come to love her like a husband loves a wife and control my -according to my dad- unnatural desires, and I did.”

“Until you met him.” Tyler said nodding toward the window, he uncapped another beer handed it to Nick then opened one for himself.
Nick took a big swallow.

“Do you believe in love at first sight?” He asked staring at Danny through the window.

“Hell yeah, that’s Ashley to me, I loved her the moment I laid eyes on her, that’s my heart." He stated affectionately. "You know I see pretty girls all over the place and that’s all they are... pretty faces nothing more, nothing less. Ashley and I will be together forever.” He took a sip of his beer.

“I’m starting to believe.” Nick said looking in the window.

“Then do something about it. Tell Lisa now before things get more complicated, and if you have sex with her use a condom, that’s all you need is a little Tsangaris running around to make things matters worse.” Tyler got up dusting his shorts off. “Come on Casanova, I’m starving. I got the munchies.” He laughed picking up the empty bottles.

Nick and Tyler walked in to the kitchen where everyone had gathered filling their small paper plates with finger foods. The counter was covered with chips and dip, the Veggie tray Nick and Lisa brought. A meat, cheese, and cracker tray and a fruit tray. The beer and juice was located in the refrigerator and the wine was on the counter next to the blender they used for making daiquiris.

“Hey guys.” Ashley said looking up from the bowl of chips. Everyone else said their hellos as well. Lisa walked over handing Nick a beer.

“You know everyone right?” She said looking around the kitchen, that’s when Danny and Marshall walked in from the den. Tyler cleared his throat getting Nick’s attention directing it toward the guys making their way over to the food.

“Marshall… Danny, come here guys I want you to meet my husband Nick.” Lisa said excitedly pointing to Nick. Nick ducked his head trying not to look nervous his palms became moist as the blond and his friend made their way over. Tyler watched from the fruit tray pretending to be busy fixing his plate. Danny had a huge smile on his face as he walked slowly to them.

“Marshall, this is Nick. Nick one of our new members of our book club, Marshall.”

“Um…Hi Marshall it’s nice to meet you.” Nick said shaking Marshall’s hand. Nick and Danny made direct eye contact, looking into Nick’s blue eyes made Danny weak at the knees and his heart flutter. Nick felt butterflies in the stomach as he noticed the sparkle in Danny’s eyes.

“And Nic….” Before Lisa could finish Danny took over the introduction.
Extending his hand Danny said, “Nick, we meet again.” Lisa looked surprised as she turned back from Nick to Danny.

“Indeed, Danny how are you?” Nick bit his bottom lip trying to hold back the smile that wanted to bust forth.

“You two already met?” Lisa asked looking for clarity.

“Yes, I told you I met your husband yesterday at the Coffee House, remember Lisa.” Danny said pressing his lips together smirking at Nick.

“Yeah, he made my coffee yesterday.”

“Cool, small world right.” Lisa said wrapping her arm around Nick’s waist.

“You can say that again.” Tyler laughed walking by. Nick gave him a dirty look and shook his head.
Marshall whispered something in Danny’s ear and he nodded agreeing. Marshall stood about five foot eight, with hazel eyes and light brown curly hair long, enough to pull back in a ponytail, he wore a diamond stud earring in his right ear he was very attractive.

“Hey Lisa, can you help me set things up in the den so we can get started.”

“Sure Ash, on my way. You guys will be alright?” She asked looking at the three guys.”

“I think we will be fine.” Danny answered

“Um yeah.” Nick said sticking his hands in his pocket.

“Ok then.” See you in the den, baby go make you a plate.” Lisa kissed Nick before walking off. Danny gave Marshall a side smile.

“Well, I think I’m going over there and make a plate.” He said looking at Danny.

“Nick.” Marshall nodded

“Marshall, it was cool meeting you.” Nick nodded as Marshall walked to the counter.

“Your wife is charming and beautiful.”

“Thanks.” Nick didn’t know what else to say.

“So how was the game, did you win?” Danny asked smiling into Nick’s eyes.

“I won some, and I lost some.” Nick said taking a sip of his beer.

“Um…How is your paper coming for your class?”

“Great you were actually an inspiration for my story.”

“Oh yeah.” Nick sounded surprised. “How’s that?”

“I’ll have to let you read it someday.” Danny smirked stepping in closer to Nick causing him to step back catching him off guard.

Nick laughed nervously as Danny leaned in closer almost touching him, which caused Nick’s breath to hitch, he couldn’t move feeling the room sway just a little, he closed his eyes as if he was waiting to feel Danny’s lips on his. Danny breathed in slowly, enjoying the intoxicating, masculine scent coming from the brunette. Danny’s warm breath waved across Nick’s neck. Breaking the spell that rendered them captive Danny spoke.

“Nick, you bad boy you’ve been getting high, haven’t you?” He laughed.

Coming out of the daze, Nick pinched the corner of his shirt, pulled it up to his nose, and sniffed. “Damn’ I’m busted.” He laughed.

“Um…Yeah, come on let’s go get something to eat.” Danny instinctively reached for Nick’s hand then remembered and placed his hands in his pocket with Nick following him over to the counter.

“Everything looks good.” Nick said pilling chips and dip on his plate while popping cherry tomatoes in his mouth.

“Um...hum.” Danny replied taking a bit of cheese, watching Nick’s profile. As he watched him, a warm smile came across his face as he wondered what it would be like to see that profile first thing in the morning, every morning. He noticed the fine hairs that layed ever so softly against his neck, the soft black curls that gently hugged his ear. He felt a connection between them, and not just friendship, something far deeper than that.

Nick felt Danny’s stare, he stopped making his plate “What?” he asked smiling, meeting Danny’s alluring brown eyes.

Danny ducked his head down, his cheeks redden at getting caught, “Nothing.” he answered softly.

“Ok,” Nick nibbled on his bottom lip and returned to making his food, but not before getting one more look at Danny. “You sure.” His asked raising his brows.

“Yeah, it’s cool.”

“Hey Danny come on man we’re waiting on you.” Marshall yelled from the doorway that leads to the den.

“Ok, ok.” Danny laughed. “I’m coming.” Looking at Nick Danny asked, “You coming?”

“No, you go head, I going to keep an eye on the food.” He winked

“Oh yeah I forgot the munchie monster,” making the gesture with his hand, “Hey we do take a break so don’t eat it all.” Danny laughed walking away.

Nick watched Danny walk away feeling a strong attachment to the blond as his eyes gazed at Danny’s butt Nick bit his bottom lip wondering what being with him… kissing him would be like, he gently touched his bottom lip imaging their lips touching and sighed.

“So how’s it going man?” Tyler wrapped his arms around Nick’s shoulder bringing him out of his thought.

“Um...It’s great man.” sounding at bit startled.

“Soooo.” Tyler wiggled his brows together, “How is he?”

Moving Tyler’s hand from his shoulder Nick asked, “What do you mean how is he?”

“Oh come on man did you think it was by accident you two had some alone time?” Tyler winked.

“You did that?” Nick looked shocked it his friends insinuation

“Well it all depends.” Tyler said walking over to the fridge. With Nick following close behind.

“On what?” Nick asked

“On if you’re mad or not.” Tyler answered shrugging his shoulders while handing Nick a beer.

Nick popped the cap and took at drink trying to process the information he just received.

“Well are you mad?”

“I guess not, BUT I’m not sure I like you meddling in my personal life.”

“I understand, but that was Ash’s idea.” Tyler took a sip of beer, wiping his mouth with the back of his hand he lowered his head and said, “But I challenged Marshall and Danny to a game of one on one, or in this case two on two.”

What, when?” Nick asked almost choking on his beer.

“Basketball, on the courts next Saturday a week from now.”

“And he said yes?”

“He said he was sure Danny would go for it, so it’s a date, well for you it’s the closest thing you will get to a date…for now anyway.”

“Wow.”

“Yes, I told Ash about it, and she is pretty excited. She likes Lisa, so do I, but Nick we just want to see you happy for once and not just existing, living the way you feel people want you to live.

“And you think I would be happy with Danny?” Nick asked lowering his voice.

“Well, If not Danny some guy, not Lisa. Ash is kind of excited, she likes Danny it’s something about these straight girls and gay guys, it’s beyond me.” Tyler said scratching his head and laughing.

Nick walked over to the door and leaned on the doorframe looking into the den at everyone laughing and discussing the book and sharing thoughts. He watched Lisa and Danny, a smile came over his face as he wondered what it would be like to be here as Danny’s date instead.

“Hey, you coming.” Tyler asked holding the rest of the blunt and two beers. Nick looked over his shoulder at Tyler, then back to the group.

“Yeah, sure.” Nick smiled at the blond that was slowing stealing his heart and walked out the door with Tyler ………