Get It - 2. Tortured Something Senseless

Tortured Something Senseless

Dinner felt longer than the damn movie.

Benny chucked some cash onto the table. He was tossing up between the need to retch at having to endure a touchy-feely Heath and Lucy and the desire to race to his friend’s apartment. To, ah, see how his date went. Maybe in the hopes of checking the guy out. Benny grinned. Just who was James smitten for?

“Yeah. I had a great time.” Not. Well, ogling Heath did have some upsides. Still, he wasn’t sure the hollowness that came with the evening was worth it.

He stepped out into the fresh air, Heath right behind him.

“Lucy just went to the ladies room. She’ll be out soon.”

Huh. He gave him a nod like he cared. Heath stepped closer, his arm bumping him as more guests streamed out of the restaurant. This silence was a loaded one, right? But what did it mean?

Heath turned his head and looked at him. Jeesch they were close. Was that on purpose? The people had left now. Still he didn’t move back. Benny’s stomach flipped and he swallowed.

“So,” Heath started, “are you staying here over the summer break?”

He hadn’t thought about it, just assumed he’d fly back home and spend it there working retail or something. “Don’t know. You?”

“Well, yeah. My family’s from here.”

“Nice. Where?”

“Up on Maori Hill.” Oh, so he was a well-off kid.

“So, why do you flat?”

He shrugged. “Experience. Besides, living with the folks? Not happening.”

Benny laughed. “Gottcha.”

“Say, if you are hanging out here over the summer, that’d be great. We can hang and stuff. I’ve a killer entertainment system in my hut at home.”

Was this his way of showing interest in him? Maybe not. But, hey, a lot could happen over a summer. Just as long as he wouldn’t be ‘hanging out’ as a third wheel. “Well, I might be here. Not sure yet. What about Lucy, you lucky enough to have her around for the summer?”

Benny held his breath in anticipation, if it wasn’t so obvious he might’ve gone so far as to cross his fingers. Nah, probably wouldn’t have done that. That was something James did. The doofus always did that type of thing, seemed a fan of the double thumbs up.

A small smile cornered his lips as he thought about it.

“Lucy. No, she already has a job lined up. Might try long distance. Not sure yet. Depends.”

On what? But Lucy came out before he could ask.

Benny said a rushed goodbye and darted down the street in the opposite direction. Actually he would’ve needed to walk back the same way Heath and Lucy had gone. But nope—wasn’t going to happen. He dawdled around the busy streets, peering into windows, biding time before he headed back to his place.

He walked past a Greek restaurant, stopped, and traced back his steps. Okay, the city wasn’t that big, but it wasn’t that small either. Damn, he so did not expect to see James here. Benny shamelessly stared at his friend and his date through the window.

The guy was sort of hot. Not quite his type, but not bad either. Similar build to himself. James liked to go for slightly shorter guys. Something he’d never understand. He liked them taller. And loved ‘em even more if they wore a five o’clock shadow.

Benny swallowed a scowl as the date looked up with smiling eyes into James’s. Jeez, how long were they going to stare at each other? Hello, food’s getting cold.

People were starting to notice him at the window. But he didn’t give. He sort of hoped James would look up and see him.

Hmm, then again, maybe not.

Benny continued down the street, and before long found himself catching a bus back to James’s place. He grabbed the crocodile teapot on the veranda, stole the key, and let himself into the one-person apartment. He crashed on the couch and waited, intently listening for the twist of the lock and squeaking of hinges.

* * *

Benny woke with a start, sunlight streaming on his face from the crack in the curtain. Huh, he’d drifted off? A blanket was draped over him. He rubbed his eyes and stretched out his stiff muscles. Ugh, James needed a bigger couch. Peeling back the blanket, he swung his legs off the side, stood, and flexed his back.

Light snores came from the bedroom, a sound very familiar to him. Why wouldn’t it be? They spent a lot of time together, and James did have a habit of falling asleep during their DVD sessions. In fact, it was a surprise the guy hadn’t conked out during yesterday’s movie.

He peered around the door to check Benny was alone. If not, he was sincerely glad to have blacked out for the night.

Yep, he was by his lonesome.

Benny moved to the bedside and plunked himself next to James. Maybe he should jump up and down till he stirred? He changed his mind looking at his friend’s face, eyelids slightly fluttering, mouth partially opened, a fine wet trail running from it down his jaw. People really weren’t attractive sleepers. But he looked peaceful. He’d let him sleep.

Benny slid out of his jeans and slipped into the bed. God, that beat the couch for sure. He rolled onto his side facing the wall and was quick to doze off. An arm snaking over his waist woke him up. He shuffled back into James. “Morning, big spoon.”

“Knew you’d sneak into my bed,” James said in a croaky half-awake voice. “And no complaining about the spooning. You enter this bed at your own risk. You know I cuddle anything in my sleep.”

He sure did. Hard to forget the time they’d gone camping and James had woken curled up with a possum. But it seemed to have liked it. Well, it’d made a funny purring noise like it did.

Benny twisted around to face his friend. They stared at each other a moment, then James spoke, “So why did you come here, Benny?”

“Ugh.” He cupped his hands to his mouth and breathed out. Gross. “We both need to brush our teeth, man.”

James rolled his eyes but joined Benny in the bathroom. Benny grabbed the bottle of mouthwash and rinsed. Twice. He hated not brushing before bed. Maybe he should get a spare brush for here.

James spat into the sink and gurgled some water. Both wiped their faces on the hand-towel. “Right, now tell me what’s up?” James said as they made their way to the kitchen.

Benny stalked straight to the fridge. If there were eggs, he could make pancakes. “Oh, I don’t know. Shitty evening. Don’t like that Lucy chica at all.” Too goddamn sweet. She couldn’t be real. “Then I had to see you and your date eye-fucking each other. Do you even remember the food you ordered?”

He scoured the shelves. At least five opened and half-eaten yoghurts. He took one out and held it up to James, who stared at him open-mouthed. What? He shook his head. Inclined to the container. “Damn that’s gross. Why don’t you finish one before starting the next?”

“ Damn you’re annoying.” James whipped it out of his hand, grabbed a spoon and shoveled it into his mouth. “So, you saw us, huh? The guy’s hot, don’t you think?”

“Hmm, maybe.”

“Maybe? That’s all you’ve got for him? Maybe?”

“Well I didn’t see him all that clearly.”

“You saw us close enough to know we were, quote, ‘eye-fucking’ each other.”

Benny shrugged and gave up on his search for eggs. “You need to go shopping.”

“Great. Now you’re changing the topic. Jesus, Benny, why won’t you tell me what you really thought of him?”

Benny snapped back, “I was jealous, okay. I didn’t like seeing you with someone.”

James took a step back. Air whistled between his teeth as he sucked in air. “You were jealous?”

“Well yeah. I guess,” Benny tried to pinpoint what it was that hadn’t felt right, “I just… I want that too, you know? I want Heath to look back at me the same way. I was just jealous that what you had last night, I wanted.”

“Oh. Right.” James grunted a laugh. “You know, I’m still wiped. I’m going to lie back down. If you leave, I’ll see you later, okay?” And he turned before Benny could answer.

* * *

“Ah!” James yelped with a small jump. “You’re still here.”

Benny put down the text book he’d found on James’s coffee table. “Actually, I left and then came back.”

James scrubbed the sleep from his face. “Why?”

Why? He’d never needed a reason to be around him before. “Because I want to be.”

“Not why are you here, dummy. Why’d you leave and then come back?”

Benny’s smile grew. “I owe you a shit load of meals, remember? Thought I’d start tonight.”

“Tonight’s hours away.”

Benny flicked a hand toward the microwave clock.

“What, I slept that long? Why didn’t you kick my arse out of bed? Jeesch. Lucky I didn’t have lectures today.”

Benny’s phone vibrated, and he read the text. He jumped up with a whoop. “Yeah! Gina’s coming to visit. She’s finally back from gallivanting around Europe. This so great.” God, he was so happy—this was awesome. He jumped into James’s arms not caring if he was ready and willing, or not. “You’re going to love my sis.”

James held him steady, a large smile cracking his face, flashing those dimples of his. Wow, they were quite deep up this close.

“What are you looking at?” James let him go and brushed his face, rubbing his top lip over his teeth. “Is it gone?”

“Yes, it is right now. Smile.”

He complied—a cheesy grin. “There they are again.”

“They?” James spun toward the mirror over the old fireplace. Benny smirked, but was too slow out of the way. James slapped his arse. “There’s nothing there you little minx. Go make us some dinner—late lunch. Dunch.”

Benny laughed and headed to the bags of shopping he’d left on the counter. “I’m not that little.” Only a half head shorter than him.

His cell phone vibrated again. Another text. Sweet, it was from Heath, replying to the message Benny’d left earlier. Why had he left the message? It just happened—it was an itch, and he’d scratched. “All right then.”

“All right, what?” James read the text over his shoulder. “Sure. Let’s hang Thursday after class. ”

Benny could’ve sung. “This is turning out to be the best day. Gina. Heath—who by the way isn’t totally sure about Lucy.” Things really weren’t so bad.

He took out some tomatoes from the bag and started making dinner, Heath at the forefront of his mind.

“Just don’t drool into the sauce,” James muttered and left the room.

* * *

“The coffee wasn’t so bad there,” Heath said as they left the small café and stepped into drizzly rain. The last three weeks he’d taken Heath to a different place after their lectures. “Still, by far the best was at Maitbate.”

“No way. The froth was too airy.”

“The froth was too airy?” Heath gave a light-hearted snigger, and punched Benny in the arm. “Okay then, which place had the best, ah, froth?”

Benny shook his head, but he was enjoying himself. Though he was getting a bit wet here. “Urbans hands down.” He grinned. “And you really enjoyed it too, judging by the way you devoured that hot chocolate.”

Heath squinted his eyes as if trying to remember. “Oh right. But the marshmallows were really soft and the pink ones tasted like—He stopped—“now it’s your turn to laugh at me, huh?”

“Just a little.” He sighed inwardly; there was a connection here. Heath’s gaze lingered on his own a moment as if to confirm it. Oh yeah.

“Wish I didn’t have to work right now. This was fun.” They were already at Heath’s car, how did that happen?

“How long are you working?” Benny asked. Heath had told him he cleaned a woman’s-only gym every weekday evening. His parents matched whatever he earned himself.

“About an hour.”

“Well, we could, ah, go throw some darts or something after, if you like.” Not that he was any good at it. That was James’s forte—dang what the hell was he good at? One nighters. And monopoly. Not exactly impressive skills. Monopoly maybe, but he usually only won because everyone else gave up. Well, guess he could say he was determined, focused.

Heath unlocked the car. “That sounds like fun. Yeah. Sure. Should I meet you somewhere, or…?”

Benny patted his bag. “Have a whole heap of reading to do. If you don’t mind, I can do it in the car while you work?”

“Sure.”

They jumped in and drove up a couple of blocks. Benny’s gaze kept falling to Heath’s hands on the steering wheel. He drummed a beat with his thumbs. Something that James did that made him immediately relax. His friend was always tapping to some rhythm—mostly ones in his head. It was such a James thing. The fact Heath did it just added to the hot side of his ‘hot and not’ list.

A couple of minutes later, Benny was alone and not reading political philosophy in La Bella’s gym parking lot. How a guy got a job here, he wasn’t sure. Unless hiring a man was supposed to be some sort of statement. Whatever. He liked the idea that Heath cleaned. With his eyes glued to the gym front windows, he mentally willed Heath to come past. After a half hour boredom set in. He rang James, who picked up on the third ring.

“Let me get this right,” James said, “You are sitting in the guy’s car, and waiting for him to finish work? Jeez, Benny, I want to shake you. What are you doing?”

Benny groaned. Hearing James repeat his own story back to him made him cringe. Yeah, just what the hell was he doing? He should just leave. “Shit, this is bad, James. This is so not me. Why the hell am I pursuing him so bad?”

The last bit was said more to himself, but James didn’t seem to mind answering. “Because you’re head over heels, my friend. And this unrequited thing is going to torture you something senseless.”

“So what do I do?”

“I wish I had an answer for you. There’s no magical solution. If there was . . . You just have to move on. Maybe learn to say no to yourself and what you really want.”

For a moment, neither of them spoke. Benny hit his head back against the headrest. “You said this has happened to you before. Man, I don’t know how you got through it.” James didn’t respond. Benny sighed, wishing he were with his friend right now and not in this stuffy car with a twitchy leg, threatening cramp. “Can I come to your place later?” He’d never asked before, the words came foreign off his tongue. Felt right, somehow though.

James hesitated. What was that on about? Oh, maybe he wanted to invite Shaun over. “Yep. But if I’m already in bed, don’t wake me. I have a sociology test tomorrow. I’m just going to the grocery store now, so I’ll get a tub of ice cream for the freezer. Sounds like you’re going to need it.”

“Oh, could you grab me a toothbrush while you’re at it? Saves me going back to my place for mine. Oh, and make sure to get eggs.”

With a hearty—perhaps too hearty?—laugh, James hung up. That was a ‘yes’, right?

Benny ignored the slight feeling he was missing something, and sunk into the seat, back to watching the windows.

* * *

Benny was just getting up when James came back from his sociology exam. He came out to the lounge, reaching above his head and grunting as he stretched.

“Good day to you too,” James said slapping a cold hand to his midriff.

“Nahuaahh.” He hit James’s hands away. “Mitts off. How cold is it out there? It’s supposed to be nearly summer.” He slumped onto the couch, lay down again, and locked his hands behind his head.

“What? Not even going to ask me how my test went?”

Benny bounced back up from the couch. “James, darling, sweetie pie, how did your test go?”

James poked his tongue out. “Don’t need to be like that about it.”

He coughed. “No, seriously, sorry. How’d it go?”

Double thumbs up. The dork. God, he loved him. “I’m making us pancakes. If you bought eggs like I asked.”

* * *

Benny watched James put away the last of the dishes. His t-shirt slid up as he slipped a mug onto the top shelf. The guy was toned. Not over the top much, either. Just a nice hint. Outside, wind and rain slashed against the window. He sure hoped the summer would be better than this prelude. “I want you to stay for the summer.” The words spilled out of his mouth—he had no idea where they came from.

“What? Have you decided not to go home?”

Benny nodded.

James shut the cupboard, turned around, and leaned on the counter. “You’re staying because of him, right?”

“Maybe. I know, I know. Don’t say it. Just—well, you’ve said nothing about a summer job and you always complain about going back to the parental units. It’d be nice” normal, too “if you stayed. And since I have to move flats for next semester anyway, I can crash here with you.”

“No.”

“No? What?”

James took a deep breath. “I mean. You can stay here in the flat, but I’m not going to be here.”

Huh. He was confused. “Why not?”

“Look, I don’t want to hang around watching you moon after anoth—a guy. You want me here as a constant wingman, and I’m sorry, but even if you made all my meals for the entire summer, I’m not going to do it.”

Benny felt his heart pick up. The conversation, the tone of it, was new. And freaking him out a bit. “I’m sorry. Didn’t realize how much you hated doing it. I thought it was fun.” He loved the laughs they had together.

A sudden crack of thunder rolled around them. Benny jumped, his heart rate skipping erratically. Oh, damn it. “Need some water.”

James immediately clicked, flying into action as he moved out of the room.

Where was his bag? Shit.

James hurried past him and grabbed the bag from behind the sofa. In a few seconds, he was fumbling with the bottle cap. He pressed two pills into his hand. Benny picked up the water he’d slammed onto the coffee table.

James jumped behind him on the couch, a leg either side, and shuffled Benny into a comfortable and relaxing position. “Hmmm, thanks James,” he murmured. This heart thing was so annoying at times. His friend brushed back his hair, fingers nicely massaging his scalp. “Keep doing that and I’m going to fall asleep.”

James continued, his fingers had just the right amount of pressure. “Then fall asleep, Benny.”

* * *

Heath put down the controls, and picked up his fourth beer from Benny’s nightstand. “You’re getting better. Since you’re staying for the summer, I might actually have competition at the end of it.”

Benny drained the last of his first beer—he was a careful drinker because of his heart issues. Hadn’t ever been so drunk he’d suffered a hangover, which, judging by how James had looked some days, he was quite glad about.

Heath ruffled his hair so it spiked up. The guy was so hot. Too hot. Benny grabbed his cell phone and took a picture.

“Photogenic?” Heath asked raising a brow.

Oh yeah. “Not bad.” Damn, he was so hard—always was around Heath—but things were rubbing the wrong way. He excused himself to the bathroom. Just about to grip himself and get some much needed release, his cell phone vibrated loudly against the ceramic bench where he’d dropped it. James’s name flashed on the screen. He left it. James would ring back if it were important.

He took himself in hand, working up and down. Seriously, it’d been months now since he’d had sex. His right hand was starting to become a much too good a friend. Almost like he was a teen again.

Benny pictured Heath naked doing the same thing to himself. Just nearing the end, his fantasy changed and at the suddenness and surprise, he came.

That was . . . That was just weird.

He shook his head as he picked up the cell phone, and headed back out to Heath.