Birth- A love story? - 1. The Pink Butterfly

The vast, blank ceiling welcomed her unwilling eyes. Her body ached unbearably. She clutched her head in pain as she remembered. The previous night had been a void. They had torn at each other’s flesh, gnawed away without remorse or restraint until the exhausting quiver sent them off into a perturbed slumber. “I wonder who it is this time?” she thought as she removed the naked, white sheets. He was sleeping like a child. Maybe everyone looked like that when they slept peacefully. It was a repulsive sight. Strangely, in those flailing shadows and dark lights, those eyes had transfixed her momentarily. It all begun differently but ended the same way after all. She sighed as a certain thought crossed her mind. Her fingertips nervously grazed down her navel. She traced all her secret places and realized the dried wetness on her thighs. She muffled a cry as disgust welled up in her throat.

Carelessness had always been a dear emotion nonetheless. The rustling of the sheets startled her. A warm body snuggled closer. She felt cold and wanted to bathe. She quietly tore away and walked towards the bathroom covered in her nudity. Incoherently, she gripped the hard, square basin and stared at the reflection. The person was a broken stranger and would never leave. The hot water stung hard against the sore flesh. The stains wouldn’t go away. She wondered if the bruises would ever leave her. They looked ugly- black and purple, as if someone had violated her repeatedly without mercy. The tears had stopped long ago before she realized. The opening of the bathroom door caught her attention and she watched him critically. He looked awful and wondered why she had agreed again in the first place. A shiver ran down her wet spine as she realized the way his large and rough hands must have touched her. Ironically, she hardly remembered a thing.

“Hey, I have to use the bathroom if you don’t mind. I am in a bit of a hurry today actually. Is that fine?” he asked matter-of-factly.

“Yes,” she hated him immediately. She despised each of them the morning later.

She walked out the bathroom dripping wet and the droplets fell down her wet black hair. It didn’t matter. The carpet felt warm against her feet. He looked startled.

“Why don’t you dry up a bit?” he protested.

“Its fine,” she replied casually.

She grabbed a towel and began to dry herself vigorously. The stains wouldn’t go away. The groan was muffled at the sight of her reflection in the mirror again. She turned away and began to put on some clothes. The nudity didn’t bother her anymore but the stains still did. Somehow she felt dirty each time this happened. The drawer was opened. Pandora’s Box was opened and the solution to every foolishness lay there. It wasn’t a normal thing really. The sight of the pink butterfly on the pill made her laugh. It felt nauseously ironical.

“I am done,” he said and wrapped his arms around her.

The fresh scream was stifled but the goose bumps relented nonetheless. The bird was struggling against the cage and breaking its wings in the process. He buried his nose in the nape of her smooth neck and sighed. Those rough hands began to trail down her body again and she wanted to push him away. The ringing of the phone proved to be a form of salvation. She tore away from him in relief. He sighed knowingly. The end was always the same.

+++++

Things had never been too comforting. The news of Tanya’s wedding that morning had left her devastated beyond measure. She picked up a cigarette and lit it calmly. He was still there and this left her annoyed. She walked towards him reluctantly and crossed an arm around herself.

“I think it’s enough for today. I have work. I will call you,” she said.

“Whatever,” he rolled his eyes and gave her one last glance before leaving the apartment.

The room was a mess. There was dirty laundry strewn all over the place. The light green carpet looked dirty. She hated that stupid carpet. It was a nuisance but her mother had loved it. Tanya had also gone with them that day to help them with the shopping. She collapsed on her bed and stared at the ceiling. There was nothing there. What was she trying to imagine anyway? A part of her had been so grateful at the idea of leaving home and running to the city. It had been a very blissfully painful prospect. There had been too many good memories after all. This was supposed to be her new world in the end but it still felt new after so many years of living.

The initial months had been the worst. She stood out like a sore in that perfectly detached and glamorous world. Everyone had fast paced and boisterous ideas and moves. After all, even the dead weren’t allowed to sleep in the city. Everything that defined her had been ridiculed in front of her and behind her back. It was perfect. She threw away most of her thoughts and old things. The laughter came out in loud, fake bursts now and refused to go away. The short boyish black hair grew longer and lady-like. Her eyes gained a mysterious appeal along with her words. Every act had an ulterior motive now. There was no time to be foolish or sentimental. Carefreeness took longer to take to her. The first it happened was when she went to a New Year party with the office co-workers. The dizzying lights and alcohol worked their magic on her senses. She moved with the crowd and became one with their roughness. It was difficult to keep count of the number of men or women she must have grinded against unknowingly. Her colleagues watched her in bemusement and one of them walked up to her for a dance.

Next morning, she woke up next to him. There was nothing worth mentioning. He patted her kindly like an indulgent father and promised her about absolute secrecy. She tried not to cringe in self-loathing. He was a decade older and had a wife. The tears flew freely that morning after he left with a satisfied look. She lay on the warm carpet and smelled the newer scents that got mixed into it. Loneliness overtook her that night. It was a calm night. The hot coffee wouldn’t stop the trembling feeling. She finally called up some friends after months. Among the few who actually picked up, most left her feeling worse. She couldn’t stand their questions about the new lives after college. Calling up home was out of the question. Her elder sister hated her for some reason. Mother would give her a sermon on getting married and father would be indifferent as usual. Why was it always like that? She ate nothing that night and woke up with a start when her phone buzzed noisily.

"Shit," she said as she saw the new message..Seriously, what was God's problem with her?

Hope to update soon...please review! i wanna give this story my best