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    Avangelion
  • Avangelion
  • Author
  • 08/02/2015
  • 690 Words
  • 1,707 Views
  • 5 Comments
Stories posted in this category are works of fiction. Names, places, characters, events, and incidents are created by the authors' imaginations or are used fictitiously. Any resemblances to actual persons (living or dead), organizations, companies, events, or locales are entirely coincidental.
Note: While authors are asked to place warnings on their stories for some moderated content, everyone has different thresholds, and it is your responsibility as a reader to avoid stories or stop reading if something bothers you. 

Heartless - 2. Chapter 2

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The next morning I was stopped in the hall, on my way to class, by a girl from a different class.

“I’m really sorry to disturb you like this when you have class, but I knew it wouldn’t help writing a letter asking you to meet me. But” Jesus Crist, she was blabbering.

“I like you, a lot, so I’d like to ask you if want to go out with me” she was writhing her hands in front of her, and she wouldn’t look at me while talking. Why did she have to ask, so annoying. I recognized Ethan and Alex’s voices behind me and didn’t feel like having them bothering about this, so I just quickly step to the side and walk past the girl without answering her. As soon as I’d pasted her I heard a loud sob but it didn’t make me stop.

The sound of commotion raised and soon after I heard running footsteps.

“HEY!” I knew that voice and I was immediately irritated. Alex grabbed on to my arm and forced me to turn towards him.

“What the hell? Why did you make her cry, she didn’t do anything wrong” I started to turn around but he wouldn’t let go of my arm, he was starting to make me angry, I faced him again.

“Come on, you could at least have given her a prober answer, she deserves at least that much” I could see he was angry, but frankly, I didn’t give a fuck and I’d had enough.

With him still grabbing my arm I turned all the way around, stepped closer, looking down at him I met his gaze not holding back my irritation and he stared back, uncertain.

“What?” come on, did I really have to ask? This guy was really stupid.

“Let go” I said in a low voice without stretching a muscle and as soon as his hand let go of me I turned around and walked away.

“Alex, she’s fine and went to class already” Ethan’s voice reached me, I wasn’t in a hurry so I wasn’t far from them.

“What is that guy’s problem?” Alex was clearly upset.

“Ah, Garret Vega is famous for this stunt, everyone knows this, don’t bother with him” Ethan explained with a laugh.

“Garret Vega?” Oh, sounded like pretty guy finally started to remember something.

“yeah, he’s been like this for 2 years… used to be such a sweet boy, come on let’s go to class as well”

A whole week went by before I snapped. He’d been annoying me nonstop since that incident in the hallway and I couldn’t take it anymore.

“Oi, Garret, since Ethan isn’t here, why don’t I eat lunch with you instead, could be nice” Alex turned his chair around and put his lunchbox down on my table. I looked up from my magazine for a few seconds, just to see his smiling face. I didn’t flinch a muscle, let alone said anything in return before I went back to reading.

“So… there’s something I’d been meaning to ask you for some time now. It’s been bothering me, you used to be such an sweet and innocent kid, what happened?” I lowered my magazine and looked at him for about ten seconds before going back to ignoring him.

“Hey come on, you can’t keep ignoring me like this forever” he pulled the magazine out of my hands and smacked it down on the table.

“Watch me” I replied before quickly gathering my stuff, getting up and leaving the classroom.

“What the hell… don’t you think you should consider how other people feel when you treat them like this?” This made me stop short.

Slowly I turned around and met his gaze.

“Well… I used to, but you taught me that the people I care about gives shit about my feelings so why should I give shit about yours?” while talking I walked closer till I was standing right in his face, waiting for him to give me an answer.

“I thought so. Now leave me alone, you’re fucking annoying” then I turned around and walked away.

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Copyright © 2015 Avangelion; All Rights Reserved.
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Stories posted in this category are works of fiction. Names, places, characters, events, and incidents are created by the authors' imaginations or are used fictitiously. Any resemblances to actual persons (living or dead), organizations, companies, events, or locales are entirely coincidental.
Note: While authors are asked to place warnings on their stories for some moderated content, everyone has different thresholds, and it is your responsibility as a reader to avoid stories or stop reading if something bothers you. 
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Chapter Comments

Cannd

Wow, I feel badly for garret allowed his personality to be so changed by this one lousy response from a crush years ago. I feel badly that his parents saw no change in him? No one tried to be there for him. I guess he had no friends to help him through it and try to stop him from changing so drastically b/c of it? It is very ironic that the person who is taking an interest in him and his changed personality is the one who did it to him. I can't wait to see if he is able to break through the armor that was built up since he did this to Garett.

 

Overall, this story should be interesting. I'd also like to know what made Alex change. He seems to not only be more considerate but wants to go as far as to champion those who are treated the way he treated Garrett. Does he remember doing that to him? Did he just not recognize him b/c of the physical changes? Did he regret that as he got older and that made him more aware of how he treated people and how others acted? So was he as affected by the event that changed Garrett, but in a better way? Will he apologize and will it be enough? I look forward to seeing where you take it. And then of course is he gay and will they develop a friendship or more? has promise. i'd love to see a longer chapter.

 

 

 

I'd like to just point out one small grammar issue I see. You seem to forget to put a comma at the end of a quote as in:
"Get away from me," I said. Unless there is a ? or ! which you then leave in place of the comma. An editor could help you with it or grammar check should pick it up too.

Avangelion
On 08/03/2015 12:05 PM, Cannd said:

Wow, I feel badly for garret allowed his personality to be so changed by this one lousy response from a crush years ago. I feel badly that his parents saw no change in him? No one tried to be there for him. I guess he had no friends to help him through it and try to stop him from changing so drastically b/c of it? It is very ironic that the person who is taking an interest in him and his changed personality is the one who did it to him. I can't wait to see if he is able to break through the armor that was built up since he did this to Garett.

 

Overall, this story should be interesting. I'd also like to know what made Alex change. He seems to not only be more considerate but wants to go as far as to champion those who are treated the way he treated Garrett. Does he remember doing that to him? Did he just not recognize him b/c of the physical changes? Did he regret that as he got older and that made him more aware of how he treated people and how others acted? So was he as affected by the event that changed Garrett, but in a better way? Will he apologize and will it be enough? I look forward to seeing where you take it. And then of course is he gay and will they develop a friendship or more? has promise. i'd love to see a longer chapter.

 

 

 

I'd like to just point out one small grammar issue I see. You seem to forget to put a comma at the end of a quote as in:

"Get away from me," I said. Unless there is a ? or ! which you then leave in place of the comma. An editor could help you with it or grammar check should pick it up too.

wow... I just discovered that I love to read long reviews:D

 

Your review got me thinking a lot about what to do with this story, so thank you very much.

 

I was thinking about getting someone to help me read it over before posting, but I wanted to see the response to the story before putting in some more serious work on it.

 

And since I'm not originally english speaking my gramma sucks... sorry about that, might happen again:D hehe

 

Originally this story was a writing exercise for myself "write a whole chapter each time you write, and then post it straight after". hence the reason for the short chapters:) but I'll work on longer ones:)

 

But now I will go back to work, make it better and write some more:)

 

thanks again:)

Robert Rex

Nicely done start to the story--you've got some interesting characters, and, as Cannd mentioned, there are all sorts of directions you can take to explain how/why Alex changed. It'd also be interesting to see the responses of those in school around him (his buddy...Josh?) and how they dealt with the bitterness Garrett developed; I'm certain that didn't happen overnight.
By the way, you'd mentioned your idea of getting beta-readers (or maybe an editor) as a part of your development of the story. You may not know there there's a section under "forums" for writers, and if you need help with reviews, Gay Authors will help you find someone! (Yeah, it's a GREAT resource!) Check it out if you're still pursuing that.
All in all, a good start--I'll be looking forward to seeing where you take this!

Avangelion
On 08/05/2015 03:14 AM, Robert Rex said:

Nicely done start to the story--you've got some interesting characters, and, as Cannd mentioned, there are all sorts of directions you can take to explain how/why Alex changed. It'd also be interesting to see the responses of those in school around him (his buddy...Josh?) and how they dealt with the bitterness Garrett developed; I'm certain that didn't happen overnight.

By the way, you'd mentioned your idea of getting beta-readers (or maybe an editor) as a part of your development of the story. You may not know there there's a section under "forums" for writers, and if you need help with reviews, Gay Authors will help you find someone! (Yeah, it's a GREAT resource!) Check it out if you're still pursuing that.

All in all, a good start--I'll be looking forward to seeing where you take this!

Thank you:) I love reading chapter reviews:) it's still a story in progress but i'm really glad you liked it, makes the effort worth it:) I'll work hard:D

 

Yeah I heard about it, but already got one helping, but thanks though:)

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