Blue-eyed Miracle - 6. Revelation

Day 15

A smile on my face is the usual when I wake up these days.

Even before I wake up I'm smiling because I know Chris will be by my side, holding me tight. I don't think I ever felt so at peace. The morning light pours through the windshield of my shuttle, forcing me to open my eyes. It's then I realize that Chris is not by my side. I sit on the bed and look at the shuttle's hatch open, and I'm sure he's out taking a leak. So I jump off the bed and walk outside naked.

And that's when I notice he's not outside either.

"Chris?" I call, but there's no reply, "Baby boy?"

I go back inside the shuttle, knowing he will be coming in any time soon. As I head to the bed, I become aware of the fact that the clothing drawer is open. I walk to it and realize Chris' clothes are not there with mine. My heart starts beating faster even when my mind is telling me to calm down. I feel my pulse accelerate as I note that his mother's picture is not around either. So I go on to the bed, pick the pillow up and realize that the metal box which his father gave him years ago is also gone.

For an instant my mind feels numbed. My heart is racing so fast I can feel the blood pumping in my ears. The last thing that comes to mind is getting dressed, so I step outside and start calling for him. But there's no reply.

I start running towards the lagoon as I call his name to the top of my lungs.

After some minutes running, it occurs to me that he might've gone to his derelict ship so I start running back over my tracks, heading for it.

"Chris!" I keep on calling as I run, "Chris!"

As I continue to run and call for him, tears start clouding my vision as they roll down my cheeks. I don't think I've ever felt this desperate in my life, as if a piece of me had been torn apart and I was desperate trying to put myself together.

Little by little, running starts becoming harder and heavier and I let myself fall to the ground. I'm sitting naked and I put my hands to my face as my tears run down. I'm so confused at how I feel that I don't really know what to make of it. A little voice in my mind is telling me to call down, that everything will be fine and that I'm overreacting, but the pain inside my chest is so much bigger that the little voice is overpowered.

I'm sobbing naked, sitting on the ground, when I think I hear Chris call my name in the distance. I look up and pay attention to see if I'm not imagining it. And I'm not, because I hear him call to me again. I immediately react and stand up as if pushed by an invisible force.

"Robbi!" he calls in the distance.

"Chris!" I call back.

I start running in the direction where his voice came from, not even realizing that my feet and legs have been scratched by whatever plants are around. I'm not thinking, all I wanna do is run to him and hold him. So I run following his voice and calling for him until I see him approaching. We both jump into each other's arms and I start sobbing again as I kiss him.

"Robbi," he says, "What's wrong? Why are you crying?"

I can't say anything, I just hold on to him and kiss him, kiss him as if I was never going to kiss him again. I tremble in his arms realizing, for the first time, that my fear of losing him is probably the biggest fear I've experienced in life. And it's such an irrational fear I can't even explain it to myself.

"I thought ...." I manage to say, "I thought you'd ...."

He looks at me and kisses me again.

"What, Robbi? What did you think?"

"I woke up and you ... you weren't there and ...." I manage to say in-between sobs, "and your clothes ... and then when I ...."

"Robbi," he says and kisses me again, "Did you think I'd leave you?"

I can't reply. His deep blue eyes pierce through my soul. My eyes are clouded by the tears welling up and rolling down. I hold him tight and sink my face in his neck. And I completely break down.

"Shhhh ...." he says as I cry, "I'm here, Robbi, I'm here …."

When he says that, I hold him even tighter. When I'm done crying, I look him in the eye.

"I'm sorry," I tell him, "I just ... I love you so much, Chris, I ... the thought of losing you ...."

"You're such a sillyhead," he says as he smiles at me, "Such a sillyhead, Robbi ... I do love you, you know? I don't think you really know what you are for me, Robbi. The Universe knows you are more for me than I am for you ...."

"Baby boy," I tell him as I caress his unruly hair, "You don't really know the extent of my feelings for you. Just now, I went completely crazy when I thought I'd lost you. I love you, baby, and I'm always gonna love you. Now, and forever ...."

We kiss again and as we do, I take his face in my hands, as if I wanted to hold him like that forever. As we hold each other, once again I experience that abnormal fear of losing him. But as he kisses me, I know this is a love that is eternal. I become aware, maybe completely for the first time since we met, that there's no force in the universe that will ever break us apart.

Not now, and not ever.

***************

The night has already fallen when we're done moving our stuff into the derelict cruiser.

Chris said he didn't want his old cruiser bedroom, so we decided we'd choose one together. Going around the ship we found what must've been the presidential suite and Chris decided on it. So, we're now working on some details here and there, so we can make it feel like home. The first thing he places is his picture, the one in which his mother is carrying him in her arms. He smiles as he puts it on the night table.

We make some trips to his old room so we can get his stuff into our new quarters. There are clothes to bring and knick-knacks he's collected over the years. I don’t have that much stuff; I basically had two changes of clothes and nothing more. He tells me later on we can go through the ship's quarters to see if we can find some clothes that fit me. That's what he did, he says, as he was growing up alone in the cruiser.

He doesn't talk much about it though. I can only imagine how hard it must be to grow from a helpless child into the young man who now stands before me. I can only wonder how it was that he didn't go insane being alone for so long at such a young age. I know I would've probably lost it, but not Chris, no. There's a strength to him, something that makes me see him as much more than the child he should be, a force within him that has made him survive all these years on his own.

Our new quarters are equipped with a long screen right in the middle of the living room/lounge. Chris says he used to go around the ship looking for rooms with screens so he could watch old movies and serials. He also says that there were times when he wanted to find an open Core Network signal, but it never truly worked. The food dispensers could be made to work, he tells me, right before asking if I'd like to watch an old movie with him.

I sit in the living room area, on a rather comfortable love seat. He moves on to the console panels close to the screen and inserts a memory crystal. The screen goes on and Chris comes back to sit next to me.

"Should we dim the lights, Robbi?" he asks.

"If you want, my angel ...." I tell him.

"Dim lights 50 percent," he commands and the room gets darker.

He smiles, kisses me on the cheek, and then snuggles under my arm.

We watch the movie in silence. It's a very touching story about a man who's lost his son and takes solace in his job to help himself go on. Every night, in the movie, our character talks to his son as if he were alive, to end up crying alone in his bedroom. Day after day after day. Until he realizes he has to open his heart and let go of the memory of his son. It makes me cry, but then again, I've always been extremely sensitive. When I turn around, I see my lovely angel sleeping against my side, his lips pouting in that expression I have come to love so much. I gently move him aside and then carry him to bed.

I get undressed and jump under the sheets and hold him.

"Uh?" he says half asleep.

"Shhhh," I say, "Let's get some sleep."

He moves sideways and throws his arm over me.

"I love you, my Robbi ...." he says.

"I love you too, sweetie pie," I tell him.

He stirs and moves his face up so he can kiss me on the cheek.

"You do?" he asks and beams.

"You know I do, Chris. Do you still doubt it?"

He shakes his head, his golden mane moving as he does. He places his hand under the pillow and brings out the tiny metal box his father gave him. He sits on the bed, opens the box and retrieves the little key he showed me before, the one his mother gave him before she passed.

"Robbi?" he says.

"Yes, Chris?"

"Do you remember when I told you about the key?"

"Yes," I tell him, "You said your mom said this key was a symbol to your happiness, and that when you grew up, you would understand ...."

He smiles and nods.

"See," he says, "I want you to have it ...."

"Me?" I ask him, surprised, "Why?"

"Because," he says getting all serious, "because you are my happiness, Robbi. Before you came, I was ... like just living, like a zombie going through the motions ... and then you came, and now ... now I'm alive, you know? I feel like I'm alive again, Robbi."

"You know something, beautiful boy?" I say as I caress his golden hair, "I too started living the day we met ... there's nothing I wouldn't do for you, nothing I wouldn't fight for your love …."

We kiss and then he lies on my chest. I kiss his forehead as I tell him to go on to sleep.

"Robbi?"

"Yes, Chris?"

"Thanks ... for loving me ...."

"Who's the sillyhead now, huh?" I ask him playfully.

"Chris is," he says and grins.

I kiss his forehead and caress his hair. Very soon I feel him drift away. The steady rhythm of his breathing is like music to my ears. I'm not sleepy, I feel afraid of going to sleep and waking in the morning to not find him by my side. I know it's stupid, but I don't ever want to feel again like I felt this morning. It was the most horrible feeling in the world, like a part of me had been ripped apart.

But I'm tired and very soon I too start drifting.

Day 19

I hear voices in the dark, but I can't make out what they're saying.

There's a very bright light over me and I can't open my eyes. The voices are still around, they echo, like a group of people talking by my side. I'm not sure whether I'm dreaming. I want to open my eyes, but I still can't. There's a pungent smell, something like ... I'm not sure. He's coming around! I suddenly make in the chorus of people. I feel cold. It's so cold. We've got a pulse! We've got a pulse! Another voice says. I feel like I'm floating. And I'm so cold. Why am I so cold?

I then feel like something over my face, but I'm not sure what it is. It feels like plastic. My legs and arms feel numbed, I wanna wake up, but I can't. I love you, my Robbi ... I suddenly make out in the chaos that seems to be dancing around me. It's Chris' voice. My blue-eyed miracle, my cosmic angel. I try to open my eyes again but they feel heavy, so heavy. I feel tired, I don't know why, but I feel so tired. Will you be my Robbi forever ....? I hear Chris' voice again. A new gust of cold washes over my body. Then the whole world goes black again.

Day 20

When I open my eyes, I'm in a bed I don't know.

The light comes in through the sliding crystal door. I'm in a hospital bed that much is clear. There's a nurse taking some notes. She's wearing a sergeant's epaulets on her shoulders, so I immediately know I'm in a military Core hospital. The nurse hasn't realized I'm already awake.

"Excuse me," I say.

"Oh, Sergeant Ni’sugah," she says, "It's good to see you up and about."

"What am I doing here?"

"I know you must be disoriented, but your assigned physician will join you shortly, and he'll explain to you."

"I just want to know ...."

"I imagine you have a lot of questions, Sergeant, but there's nothing I can do for you until your doctor comes to talk to you."

"When will that be?" I ask her feeling impatient.

"His round will begin in an hour," she says and smiles, "please, I know it's a lot to ask right now, but I'm gonna need you to remain calm until your doctor visits you this afternoon."

I nod and she nods too.

She leaves the room leaving me restless. How did I get here? Last thing I remember Chris and I went to bed in the derelict ship. I remember feeling afraid of going to sleep, because I was afraid of losing him. And now I'm here and I just can't understand why. I guess the doctor will shed some light on all of my questions. I assume the only thing I can do is wait.

I close my eyes and breathe deeply. Something must have happened that might have made us lose conscience. I'm wondering whether they've brought Chris too and I'm also wondering whether he's okay.

I doze off.

I open my eyes seconds before my physician comes into the room. There's a nurse with him.

"Hello, Sergeant, I'm Doctor Bor'haley."

"Hello, Doctor," I tell him.

"How are you feeling today, Sergeant?"

"I'm ... confused ...."

"I imagined you'd be," he says, "it's a perfectly normal reaction after a coma, you see ...."

"A coma?" I ask him, "What do you mean a coma?"

"Please, Sergeant, calm down and let me explain ...."

I nod, but I feel my heartbeat racing.

"You and your copilot were en route to Space Station Solaris II when you were hit by enemy fire ...."

"I know that," I say feeling impatient, "I was there! That forced us to emergency land on a nearby planet ...."

"That is correct, Sergeant. We were able to retrieve you and your partner from the shuttle around forty eight hours after the crash ...."

"Wait a second Doctor," I say not in the best of tones, "I was on that planet for around nineteen days ...."

"Sergeant, please, I know this must be confusing ...."

"Stop saying it must be confusing!" I shout at him, "I was stranded on the planet for nineteen days and I found a boy who'd been there from a previous crash, a cruiser of sorts ...."

"Sergeant," the doctor says firmly, "I'm going to ask you to remain calm, or I'll be forced to sedate you."

I nod, but I'm feeling angry.

"You've been in a coma for the past nineteen days since you crashed on that planet. Your co-pilot, Rhabanar Meb'har unfortunately did not make it. You, on the other hand, have been struggling between life and death since we brought you in. Until yesterday noon, when you had a near dead crisis and we managed to bring you back ...."

The truth weights over my head as a thousand tons ... I'm hearing it and I can't believe what I'm hearing.

"This ...." I tell the doctor, "This isn't possible ... I was there on the planet ... I know ... I was there and I met this boy ...."

"Sergeant Ni’sugah," the Doctor says, "You weren't. It is very likely, though, that in your coma you've hallucinated the experience you describe. It is not uncommon for comatose patients to ...."

"No, no, no!" I shout, "I couldn't have ... I couldn't have hallucinated, I ... I was there, I ...."

I try to stand up and the doctor immediately pushes a panic button.

"I have to go back!" I yell as I stand from the bed and pull the intravenous from my arm, "I have to go back to the planet and save him!"

I start making my way to the door when the doctor calls again.

"Sergeant, go back to bed, and that is an order!"

"You don't understand!" I shout back, "I have to go back!"

A couple of orderlies come into the bedroom and the doctor commands them to restrain me. I'm strong. I've always been strong, what with all the military training. But I feel like I'm breaking inside. The doctor has to be lying, I could not have been in a coma for nineteen days. I was there, on the planet. I rescued Chris when he broke his ankle. I brought him to my shuttle and healed him. I hunted and cooked for him. I shared my story with him and he shared his with me.

We fell in love. I can clearly feel the fresh smell of his breath in my mouth as we kissed. I remember the first time we bathed in the lagoon, and then the first time we made love. I can feel his golden hair in my fingers. I can feel his soft skin under my palms, the sweet scent he emanates and the sweet flavor of every inch of his beautiful body. His eyes, his beautiful intense blue eyes, unlike anything I've seen before.

The orderlies have taken me now, and I can't react, I feel tears welling up in my eyes.

"He's hyperventilating!" one of the orderlies shouts, as I am placed back on the bed.

"Sedate him!" the Doctor shouts through the chaos, "Nurse! 5 cc's of chlorodiazom now!"

I feel the needle pushed against my neck as the doctor injects the sedative. Little by little, the orderlies start relaxing their grip on my arms. The doctor comes close to the bed and stands next to me.

"I'm sorry, Sergeant," he says, "I've sedated you with a strong soporific drug just now. I know you're disoriented and confused, and that might be the result of the toxic gases you inhaled as you were down on the planet. This drug will help you sleep for some hours. I expect that when we talk again, you'll be feeling much better ...."

He keeps on talking, but don’t understanding any word he says anymore, and I'm sure it's the drug. I start feeling like I'm falling, falling into a deep and dark abyss.

I was there on the planet, was I not? My subconscious speaks to me as I drift. I need to go back. I need to save Chris. He's there and he needs me. Or isn't he? Was I hallucinating my experience with him? No ... I couldn't have ... I couldn't have ... hallucinated ... I ... My blue-eyed miracle ... my cosmic angel ... Chris ... I will be ... I will be your Robbi ... your Robbi forever ....

I kind of open my eyes, but I'm not sure I'm awaken. The door slides open and a shape approaches my bed. I can't see. I can't see who it is. But I feel a warmth in my chest.

The figure sits next to me, and I see it's Chris.

"My Robbi," he says, "Are you alright?"

"Baby boy?" I ask incredulously, "Is it you? Is it really you?"

"Yes, Robbi," he says, "it's really me ...."

"They said, they said ...."

"I know what they said," he tells me, "the question is, Robbi, do you believe them?"

"I can't ..." I say, feeling the tears as they start running down my cheeks, "I can't believe them ... I ...."

"Shhhhh," he says and leans down to kiss me on the lips, "Remember what I told you the last time we saw each other, my Robbi?"

"You said I was your happiness ... you said ... Before I came, you were ... like just living, like a zombie going through the motions ... and when I came ... you were alive ...."

He smiles looking at me, his blue intense eyes deeply piercing through my soul.

"You are the key to my happiness, my Robbi ..." he says, and kisses me on the lips again.

***************

I open my eyes.

I can still feel Chris' lips on mine, his sweet breath lingering on me. But he isn't here. I'm alone in the room, and I'm sure I've dreamt of him. Tears start rolling down my eyes as I realize the doctor must be right, and everything I lived in the planet I must have hallucinated. I can't deal with the deep feeling of loss I'm experiencing right now.

The clock facing my bed says 1930 hours, local time.

I sit on the bed trying to make sense of what's happened over the last few hours of my life, when the bedroom door slides open. A man, probably in his forties crosses the threshold and approaches me.

"Sergeant Ni’sugah?" he asks.

I nod.

"I'm sorry to disturb you, sir. I'm the head psychologist Major O'barst ...."

"Come in, Major." I say.

"I heard you just woke from a coma this morning, and that you were, say, having some issues adjusting …." he says matter-of-factly.

I nod again.

"It is tough," he says, "coming back after some days. I heard you mentioned a derelict cruiser crashed on the planet, is that right?"

I nod once more.

"Is it this ship, by any chance?" he asks extending a padnic,

I take the little 8 inch screen and look at the picture of the ship.

"It is," I tell him as I hand him the padnic back.

"It's the Paradisian Cruiser Messiah. It crashed on the planet five years ago. No survivors were reported."

"But, Major, I ...."

"I know," he says, "the boy."

He scrolls on the padnic and gives it to me again. "Is this him?"

I nod as I look at Chris' picture, a picture in which he must have been twelve years old.

"Christopher William Donahue," the psychologist says, "he was a passenger on the cruiser along with his mother. The crew and what few passengers had remained on board at the moment of the crash, perished."

I feel tears running down my cheeks once again.

"The cruiser's story and the passenger manifesto were loaded in one of your shuttle's terminals. It is my belief that you must've spotted the derelict ship and thus tried to find out about it. Then, some of those elements were kept in your memory and you incorporated them into your very vivid dream during the coma."

"I see ...."

"I need you to come to terms with what you've experienced these past days, Sergeant," he says, "so I can sign your release from hospital custody."

"I understand, Major," I tell him, "I know I overreacted, but you know, I was ...."

"I understand Sergeant. I'll let you to rest now. I'll be seeing you in the morning to talk about your release. Sleep tight."

And having said so, he starts walking towards the door.

"Major?"

"Yes, Sergeant?" he asks turning on his heels.

"My personal effects?"

"Oh, that!" he says and approaches me once again, "Those will be given to you once you've been released."

"Thank you, Major." I tell him.

"My pleasure, Sergeant," he says and walks away.

It is then that I let myself break down. I start crying experiencing the deepest sorrow I have ever experienced in life. I can't still believe that everything I went through with Chris simply never happened. I feel dead inside, as if a big part of me had just been ripped apart and I couldn't cope with it.

I cry like a baby remembering Chris and all the beautiful moments we shared. I cry and cry and cry until I think there's no tears left for me to shed. And then, exhausted, I fall completely asleep.

Day 21

I'm standing at the check-out desk in the Core Hospital waiting for a nurse to bring my personal effects.

The man comes back from a little office behind carrying a metal box the size of a shoe box. He scrolls on his padnic and smiles as he does so.

"There wasn't much," he says placing my stuff on the counter, "Your burned down uniform, which we disposed of for starters. Then a hunting knife, a laser hand weapon, and a tiny metal box. Oh! And a plasleather briefcase!"

When the tiny metal box is placed before my eyes I go silent. I don't wanna say anything, feel anything. The carvings of the metal box … `Athruvian, yes'. I extend my hand to take it, but the nurse stops.

"No, no!" he says, "Your signature first."

I nod and sign the electronic delivery form. I hand it to him and then go back to the metal box. I place everything inside the briefcase and start walking out.

"Thank you," I tell him.

I make my way to the exit with the tiny Athruvian box in my hands. I step outside the complex and breathe deeply. I open the box and there, before my eyes, there's Chris' key, the one he gave me the last time we were together in my vivid dream.

It can't be a dream.

Now I know it can't, for in my hands I have the proof that everything that happened I didn't dream, I lived it. Tears start rolling down my cheeks as I hold the key in my hands.

"Sir?" a good looking man asks, "Are you alright, sir?"

"Yes, I ...." I manage to say, "Thanks, I am. I've never been better ...."

And I start walking away. I'm going to find out, I'm going to find where this key leads to, because now I know, it's the key to Chris' happiness ... and my own ...

My own words echo in my mind, `there's nothing I wouldn't do for you, nothing I wouldn't fight for your love ....'