Mikiesboy

Well...i'm outta here. You all take care. Hopefully...i'll be back. “As we express our gratitude, we must never forget that the highest appreciation is not to utter words, but to live by them.” —John F. Kennedy (1917-1963) 35th US President

Have a brilliant time! Relax and enjoy your family! xoxxo

so.. Monday is the day, i'm safe for the weekend. The docs are pretty positive things will go well. So, there we are.

Have a good Friday. I have some things to do today. And the meeting about treatment at the hospital. I don't think they will do anything or hospitalize me today, so i hope to be around later. If they do grab me and lock me up, Michael will let you know. Have a wonderful day and remember; “At the end of the day, it's not about what you have or even what you've accomplished… It's about who you've lifted up, who you've made better. It's about what you've given back.” —Denzel Washington (born 1954) Actor, director, and producer

looking forward to more. Taggert reminds me of someone, hopefully he'll be okay. I like that he likes horses, I like them too.

Happy International Tea Day! 🫖 Have a cuppa!

Thank you, Gary. xo Feels like it sometimes, doesn't it. Thank you, chris. xo

I'm glad for you. My doc is wonderful and i trust him. Funnily I wrote a poem/lyrics called The Black Dog Blues... The Black Dog Blues The black dog lingers at my door, A shadow I can't outrun, Paws soft upon the wooden floor, It finds me, even in the sun. Its eyes are pools of molten jet, Dark mirrors of my soul, It weaves its way through every thought, And claims a piece – a toll. It’ll never be forever. The black dog never stays away, It lurks in corners, out of sight, Until it claims its prey. It lays in wait for me at night, And my heart pounds within my chest, Its forbidding presence feeds my fears, And steals all hope of rest. I try to breathe and break the chains But still, it claws my mind, The black dog has no boundaries, It's always close behind. It’ll never be forever, The black dog never stays away, It lurks in corners, out of sight, Until it claims its prey. Yet, some days it grows tired, Lays down, and lets me breathe, During those fleeting moments, I get then, some reprieve. So, I walk with the beast beside me, A silent, shadowed friend, The black dog never truly leaves, And I know it’ll never end And I know it's not forever, The black dog never stays away, It lurks in corners, out of sight, Until it claims its prey.

@Vcs, @chris191070 thanks. i appreciate your thoughts. It helps knowing others that know. @kbois thank you for being there @Reader1810 love you too ... i feel i don't tell you enough @lawfulneutralmage thank you .. You're right, i'm luckier than many @Wayne Gray i'm glad he's doing better now. i was always sorry he had to leave to get what he needed. We have a meeting on Friday with my psychiatrist and the doc who handles the ECT program at the hospital. Because of the process and changes to meds they are talking about in-hospital treatment and a stay of a week at least. There's a danger of seizures. i will go, but i don't want to. We'll talk about other treatments and stuff as well. Yesterday Michael and i went out for dinner, which was nice. I bought some new bakeware so i can make more at one time, rather than baking things singly, then i can freeze things. That was my plan for the day, but i have a headache and feel anxious and stressed so i'm not going to do that today. The weather is so nice and cool after the mini heat wave. i'm just gonna go out and mess around in the garden, and then go walk the dog, and make dinner. Yeah, that's the plan.

“Be a lamp, or a lifeboat, or a ladder. Help someone’s soul heal.” —Jalal ad-Din Rumi (1207-1273) Persian poet, mystic

“Great opportunities to help others seldom come, but small ones surround us every day.” —Sally Koch

It is an interesting form! Thanks so much for sharing it. It's different to read but not in a bad way. I enjoyed it. I hope you're inspired to write more in this form. In addition, it's a lovely poem about spring. It's a quiet noise amid the clatter of the world today. Thanks again, Parker. xo

Yep, i'm here again. ***WARNINGS for suicide and depression*** Last year, before Danny died, I tried to take my own life. Again, 4th attempt. Nearly made it as well, but Dan noticed I was not in bed and found me and a bloody mess on the bathroom floor. He bound the wounds and called 911. Then he woke Michael. I think Michael wrote a blog about this too. Anyway. My (is it mine? i always laugh about this) depression was out of control. It was after recovery from this suicide attempt that i chose to try ECT (electroconvulsive therapy). The drugs weren't helping, and talking wasn't so much. It was scary the first time, but ECT seemed to help. But lately, i've been having a rough time. My shrink has diagnosed me with treatment resistant depression, cuz nothing helped and then ECT's effectiveness doesn't seem to anymore either. When someone with this illness says they are tired, it doesn't mean they want to sleep, or they worked out too hard, it means they are world-weary, that breathing is too much effort and so is pretending that all is well. Don't say.. Hi, how are you? Cuz i'm not going to answer with 'fine' anymore. I'm not fine. I'm tired. So, after seeing the shrink again, he had me do some massive questionnaire which he is going to, along with my mental health history, discuss with other docs to see what may be best going forward. Honestly, i don't care for myself. I'm tired and no one is listening. People say, you'll be okay, just rest, take care of yourself, just take a walk, get fresh air. Presently, i'm struggling to do any of those things. Most days, I plug into YouTube and just watch it. All Day. If Michael is home, He will drag me out for a walk, and i've been walking a friend's dog. My doctor is speaking to other docs, and they may try adjusting the ECT treatments ( i did feel good for a long time after starting these), maybe combined with more in-office CBT or possibly DBT. Drug therapies he is considering are ketamine and some of the older antidepressant drugs, along with ECT. Well, this is a rambling mess of a blog. I'm sorry for that, but not sorry I wrote it. If you're suffering, tell someone, or go to the hospital. Silence isn't a friend.

Ready for more beaver therapy? Here you go...

I have a nice free-range organic chicken in my new Air Fryer.. it's looking lovely. I think i will just buy parts going forward, they just cook faster, but it looks very nice. And in the upper basket i cooked four nice Italian sausages, which my carnivore will have for snacks. It is already helliously (sp) hot, and it's only gonna be worse the next few days. So, meat, green salads and a potato salad.. Tuesday Michael said we are going out to eat somewhere airconditioned. lol