Endings and Beginnings - 1. Endings and Beginnings

Part 1
Endings and Beginnings

The subtle vibrations of the paved road had given way to the bumpier terrain five minutes back as the weathered blue pick-up truck turned onto some obscure dirt road Tracey was sure he wouldn’t be able to pick out again if he had to. Somehow, as if that thought wasn’t unsettling enough, the rocky climb up the bluff had him bouncing uncomfortably against the steel door frame, and the occasional jolt that heaved him forward without warning, was starting to make him doubt their safe arrival at Kingsman Bluff. The rugged winding country road didn’t seem to bother Paulette any though, as she navigated through it in a way that told Tracey she had done it countless times over.

Paulette seemed nice enough, Tracey decided, but she sure didn’t have much to say, and when she did, it seemed more to Tracey, that her words were just part of some mental list overflowing into a place where he could hear them. Then again, it wasn’t like she was happy about this arrangement, or him being there. Truth be told, he was only half listening anyway, his thoughts were elsewhere as he recalled the scene back in the courtroom earlier and the way his old man had hung him out to dry. Bastard, he thought, his knuckles turning white as he gripped the door handle tighter, but if it was out of anger or self preservation, he didn’t know.

”You’ll stay in the bunkhouse with Will,”; Paulette said, checking off another item from her mental list.

”Yes Ma’am,”; Tracey mumbled in acknowledgment, as if he had a choice, he thought.

Tracey knew he had been out to Kingsman Bluff before, had to have been, since he caused all that damage to their property, but hell if he could remember it, or how he got there. He shrugged to himself, that didn’t concern him as much as the words that still echoed in his head. You want me to treat you like a man; well you got it, Son. You’re on your own this time.

”What are you saying Mr. Marshall?”; Judge Whitman asked as he looked down at Frank Marshall over his wire-rimmed glasses. “Reparations need to be made to the Kingsman property.”;

”Your Honor, what I am saying, is that it seems that Tracey will have to find another way to make those reparations himself, ‘cause I’m not paying for it anymore,”; Frank Marshall declared adamantly, with a stubborn tug on his jacket lapels, his suspenders showing at his plump waistline.

”Hmmm,”; Judge Whitman mumbled, weighing the remaining options. “It seems that I’m left with no other choice then, but to have this young man make the repairs himself,”; he decided out loud.

”Your Honor, there must be some other way,”; Paulette Kingsman stood insistent, plenty perturbed that things had gone in this direction.

”I’m sorry Mrs. Kingsman, but I don’t see any other way. This young man has no money, and no job, and the only resource he has to make these reparations to you, is himself,”; he concluded.

Tracey sat slouched, unaffected, as he listened to the old judge talk about him like he wasn’t even in the room. He still didn’t see what the big deal was. Then again, he still couldn’t remember exactly what had happened that night either. He knew he was angry, that much he remembered, but Tracey was always angry lately, had been ever since his mom died, but even more so lately. It didn’t help things that his old man had gone and found some pretty young thing to replace his mother, to live in her house, and cook in her kitchen, sleep in her bed.

The thought alone had Tracey angry all over again, wishing he had a good stiff drink to help him forget. Forgetting was good, Tracy thought, at least it helped to keep the urgent need he felt to knock some sense into that old man of his under control. How the man could just go and forget his wife was beyond Tracey. It made him wonder, just like he had countless times before over the last two years.

”Furthermore,”; Judge Whitman continued, because of the sizeable amount of damage that was caused, and the serious nature in which it was caused, I am suspending your driver’s license Mr. Marshall. We can revisit that decision once you have completed the repairs to Mrs. Kingsman’s property.”;

This caught Tracey’s attention, and while he wanted to argue with the man, he knew it would only make things worse. He had been in front of Judge Whitman enough times over the last two years to have learned that complaining meant nothing but more trouble. Luckily, his old man seemed to have been paying attention too.

”Your Honor, if you suspend his driving privileges, how do you expect him to get all the way out to Kingsman Bluff every day? It’s more than ten miles outside of town,”; Frank Marshall pointed out.

Sheriff Grady whispered quietly in the corner to Paulette Kingsman as she repeatedly shook her head in disagreement. Her arms crossed in front of her tenaciously as he tried to convince her, his hand running tiredly over his slightly aging face. At thirty-eight, Jackson Grady still hadn’t married, and while he was a good looking man and had dated a few women around town, he just hadn’t been able to find one that could appreciate what it meant to be the wife of the Sheriff of Emerson.

”Jackson, I just can’t. It’s not right, having that... young man,”; Paulette gritted her teeth as she forced the words out, “stay on Kingsman Bluff. Besides, Casey’ll have a fit, he’s already threatening to go out and skin whoever did this,”; she finished, her arms wrapping around herself in a way that was meant to provide some comfort.

”C’mon Paulette, I’ll talk to Casey... and you need the place fixed. If the kid so much as steps outta line, I’ll have his behind back in the lock up so fast, this will look like a vacation to him,”; Jackson promised, hoping he could help settle this once and for all.

He didn’t like seeing Paulette like this, so upset, so stressed, so... vulnerable. It had been hard on her, raising the twins alone and trying to keep Kingsman Bluff running and profitable, but she had fought, and worked harder than any woman should ever have to, in his opinion, and she had done it. Casey and Catherine had grown up and learned to work hard, but they never did like seeing their mom working like she did, she was always so tired.

”Ahem,”; Judge Whitman cleared his throat, attempting to get control of his courtroom once more. “Mrs. Kingsman, have we come to an understanding?”;

Paulette glanced over at Jackson briefly. The man really had done his best to make this easy on her, and he had never let her down before, she reminded herself. He had always been there for her, ever since Hank died. It wasn’t easy being one of the few single people in town, but he never pushed her, and somehow they had managed to build a friendship. A friendship that the whole town speculated was something much more, but that didn’t bother them none.

Jacksonoffered her a wink and a smile with his nod, one much like a parent would give a child on his first day of school, one that says you can do this, I’m right behind you. Paulette returned his smile weakly, not as sure of herself as he seemed to be.

”It seems we have, Judge,”; she answered reluctantly.

”Very well, then I’ll leave Tracey Marshall in your custody for the time being, and until the reparations on Kingsman Bluff have been completed. Now, Mr. Marshall,”; Judge Whitman said, directing his attention to the younger of the two Marshalls in the courtroom that afternoon, “I hope you understand that I am going against my better judgment and making an exception for your... financial situation, and since you will be pretty much confined to Kingsman Bluff until all the reparations have been made satisfactorily, it is the order of this court that you work for your keep as well. Nothing in this life is free young man. That is all”;, Judge Whitman finished, ceremoniously banging his gavel heavily on the walnut bench he sat behind.

“Your Honor, I’d like a word with Mr. Marshall before he begins his service if you are so inclined,”; Sheriff Grady requested, standing with his hat in his hands.

”By all means, Sheriff,”; Judge Whitman agreed.

Tracey almost couldn’t help himself, rolling his eyes in a show of disconcern, that is, until Sheriff Grady yanked him up by his jacket front. Silently, he wondered to himself how long the speech would be this time. He had heard it all before, he had better be respectful, this was his last chance, it was time to grow up and start acting like a man, he was sure he could give the speech better than the Sheriff himself could.

”Right this way Mr. Marshall,”; Sheriff Grady directed him, leading him outside the courtroom to the large empty hallway. Once Sheriff Grady was sure the two of them were alone, he approached Tracey in a show of dominance, causing Tracey to back up against the wall. Here it comes, thought Tracey, but Sheriff Grady just waited, watching Tracey.

Smug little jackass, Jackson decided, this kid has no idea who he’s dealing with. Apparently the silence, and his close proximity to the Sheriff, along with the fact that there wasn’t a soul around to save him, seemed to rile Tracey up a bit. “If you hurt her again... it’ll be me you have to deal with next time,”; Sheriff Grady cautioned and then walked away, leaving the kid to hold up the wall.

The door to the courtroom opened, and Frank Marshall walked out wearing a smug look of approval. It wasn’t the look he was wearing that made Tracey’s stomach turn so much, as the blond woman he was wearing on his arm. Typical, Tracey thought, to throw her in my face while I’m at my lowest, but in the end, not so much as a word was spoken by either of the Marshall men.

Tracey sighed as he let himself slide down the wall until he found a seat on the floor, burying his head in his arms, although it wasn’t enough to bury his shame and embarrassment. What had he gotten himself into this time, he wondered? Living on a ranch wasn’t exactly his style, and he surely wasn’t a carpenter or a wrangler, that much was for certain. Mostly, he just missed his mom, and he knew she would be ashamed of the mess he had gotten himself into, she wouldn’t be grateful for his bravado on her account, and she definitely wouldn’t stand for being his excuse.

The next time the courtroom door opened, a slim, dark haired woman stepped out. She looked tired, Tracey noticed, but as he looked at her from across the hall, he could imagine a time when her smile was full of life and she was beautiful. Not that she wasn’t beautiful now, just... seasoned, he decided, as he chewed absent mindedly on the inside of his lip. Finally, after what seemed like entirely too long to be staring at a stranger in a hallway and not saying something, anything, she took a tentative step toward him, followed by another, until she reached his slumped form.

”I’m Paulette,”; she said as she offered him a hand up.

Tracey looked at it, evaluating the offer as if it were a trick, or somehow tainted, before shaking his head slightly and picking himself up off the floor. He wondered to himself what would be the appropriate thing to say to the woman who was just forced to take you in after you damaged her home and livelihood with one swift tip of a bottle and one joyride.

”You must be Tracey,”; Paulette continued uncomfortably.

After Jackson had escorted Tracey out of the courtroom, and Mr. Marshall had left with his companion, Judge Whitman took a few minutes to assure her that Tracey Marshall was harmless, just a kid dealing with the loss of a parent in a bad way, and of course, that guaranteed him a place in Paulette’s heart whether she liked it or not.

”Yes Ma’am,”; Tracey managed, the shame of what he had done to this woman, and her family, and her home, raining down on him harshly.

”We should get going then,”; Paulette decided. “It’s quite a drive to Kingsman Bluff from here,”; she mentioned before heading out of the courthouse with Tracey staying two steps behind her the entire time.

He knew his old man to be as stubborn and obstinate as an old mule, but he certainly wasn’t a fool. Apparently the joke was on Tracey this time, he huffed, real amusing too, making him work off the damages he had caused. Not only that, but to make matters worse, that old judge, the one who had had ‘just about enough nonsense from this young man’ had gone and suspended his driving privileges too, making it next to impossible for him to get to Kingsman Bluff to make the reparations, and now, he had to face the woman he had hurt, and she would have to see him daily, continuing to punish her for his offenses.

Tracey was pulled from his bitter thoughts as the old blue pickup came to an abrupt halt. Paulette cut the engine and left the two of them sitting there in silence. Uncomfortable, Tracey decided, as he watched the dust settling around them. This guilt was heavy; weighing him down so much that he knew there wasn’t anything that would be able to relieve the pressure in his chest. He longed to apologize to Paulette for causing her even one minute of pain or sadness, but in the end, all he could do was stare at the fancy dress shoes that he had worn in an attempt to make the best impression he could in the courtroom.

”I know it’s not much, probably not as fancy as where you live,” she decided impetuously, “but its home to us,”; Paulette said, smiling proudly at the place she had fought and worked so hard to keep.

That only made the ache in Tracey’s chest tighten, knowing how he must have sliced into that pride she felt, held onto tightly with both hands, as he took a chunk of her happiness along with part of the eastern fence... and the barn. At least, that’s as much has he’d noticed since he’d managed to force himself to pry his eyes off those shiny, black shoes and take brief a look around. That, and the fact that it was clearly going to take him quite a while to make the repairs, assuming he could even figure out how. This was clearly out of his league, he decided. Much more skill would be needed than when he built that small birdhouse when he was twelve.

Tracey clenched his teeth together, his lips flattening tightly as he winced, seeing the gaping hole in the side of the barn, obviously the spot where his Camaro had crashed through it. His ‘78 Camaro, the one thing he was proud of, and now he couldn’t even drive that. But no, that was selfish too, Tracey reminded himself, and Paulette sure didn’t deserve that. After all, she was going out of her way to let him redeem himself; it couldn’t be easy for her to have him here.

He couldn’t bring himself to look at the barn anymore; feeling like the hole in the side might just swallow him up, so instead, Tracey looked around. This would be where he was staying for a while, might as well make the best of it, he decided, as he tried to shrug away from the reality that Paulette hadn’t exactly wanted him there. Not that he blamed her one bit; he wouldn’t want to be stuck with a selfish, angry kid either.

The pale yellow house was longer than it was wide, and had a long porch that ran the whole length of the front of the house. Tracey decided that he might like to sit on that porch in late afternoons, it seemed peaceful here, and he could use some peace and quiet, he thought. A porch was something Tracey remembered his mom wanting, having mentioned it once or twice when the sun was setting on a perfect summer night as they stood together with her arm comfortably around his shoulders. He couldn’t really do that at home though, since they only had a small stoop out front, not like this porch, with the rocking chairs and the whitewashed railing.

Living in town had its advantages, like never having to go too far for anything. Emerson Feed and Supply was just up the road, and he never had to worry about going into town for a drink, or to see a movie or for a haircut, but, Tracey thought, as his eyes wandered across that porch, getting away from it all might not be so bad. He could trade in his bottle of whiskey for a glass of iced tea on this porch, Tracey almost had himself convinced. Yes, he decided, he was going to like this porch very much, he knew his mom would, and that made it even easier for him.

Paulette sighed, as mad as she was that Tracey had been so selfish and downright reckless, with not just his own safety, but also with her livelihood, she knew he was hurting, lost, trying to figure out how to go on without his mother. She understood the feeling well, having lost Hank, enduring that pain had almost swallowed her. She could just throttle that stuffy old, impetuous Mr. Marshall, too, a grimace crossing her face as she remembered how he acted toward his own son just hours ago. It was beyond her, how anyone could take their own child’s happiness for granted.

Her sigh was enough to make Tracey’s head drop again, searching out his shoes and their laces once more, his visions of afternoons in the warm sun on that porch his mother would have loved, vanishing, shoved out of his mind by his shame. Who was he kidding, thinking he would ever get to enjoy that porch, or his time on Kingsman Bluff? Even if he worked every day, it seemed like it would be forever until Tracey would be able to get out from under the shame and guilt he felt trapped under. It was as if he had looked up one day, only to see the mountainside tumbling down over his head, and it was too late, and falling too quick, for him to escape.

”Tracey,”; Paulette said softly, her hand reaching out to touch his shoulder. It took everything in him not to pull back from the searing sensation of guilt he felt course through him with her confident and comforting touch. He didn’t deserve it, but somehow he needed it, craved it, and so he forced himself not to shrug away. “I know this isn’t how you wanted it to work out, and I know this isn’t your home, but maybe, just for a little while, you could look at it like it was. It’s not so bad here,”; she said decidedly.

”I’d... like that too,”; Tracey managed, even if he couldn’t get himself to look at her yet. That was gonna take some time, maybe after he had dug his way out from under some of that mountain.

Casey had been worried when his mom left for the court hearing that morning. He had been adamant about going to stand along beside her and demand justice for the intrusion, the inconvenience, the downright recklessness, that had been thrust upon their lives, but Paulette was having none of it. She knew her boy better than he knew himself sometimes, as mothers often do, and while his thoughts were noble, his actions would be less than acceptable once he got face to face with whomever it was that had caused the damage to their barn, along with taking out a rather large portion of the eastern fence.

Paulette hated having to pull rank on her kids, they were a team, a family, and it wasn’t as if they were children anymore. Casey and Catherine were nineteen now, and worked as hard as she did herself everyday, if not harder, so Paulette thought it only right to include them in most major decisions. They loved the ranch as much as she did, and had put their sweat into it equally, ever since their dad, Hank, died six years ago.

It hadn’t been easy, but then, ranch work never was. It didn’t matter to them though, this was their way to hold onto what their dad had built, what he had wanted for them. Six years was a long time, and Paulette had thanked her lucky stars more than once, that they had been able to pull it off. It was around then, that Will had shown up looking for work, and whether Paulette had wanted to admit it or not, she needed an extra pair of strong, knowledgeable hands to help out. Sure Casey and Catherine helped out, but they were only thirteen then, and they had their schooling to focus on, so Paulette had hired Will without much fuss or fanfare, and he had been a part of their family, and Kingsman Bluff, ever since.

Casey had taken quite a liking to having an older guy around, especially since his dad was gone now, and it seemed Will appreciated the sense of family and belonging he got from being on Kingsman Bluff. There were small issues, of course, but nothing ever lasted more than a day. Casey never could stay mad at anyone, but this time, Paulette worried, it wouldn’t be so easily forgotten.

It was because of that very fear, that Paulette had put her foot down, and told Casey that he was to stay put. Under no circumstances was he to come down there, and he wasn’t happy with her decision, to put it mildly. Casey didn’t appreciate being told what to do at nineteen years old, but arguing with his mom about this was pointless.

He didn’t get much done around Kingsman Bluff that morning between wondering what was going on in that courtroom, and still being pretty damn perturbed at being treated like a child. Casey’s mood would have been a dead giveaway to Will, if he hadn’t already witnessed the argument first hand at breakfast, so he gave Casey some space, some time to cool off, before he tried talking to him about it.

Will had just about gotten Casey calmed down enough to get some real work done, when Sheriff Grady drove up. Casey didn’t think much of it; Jackson visited his mom a lot, he was a friend to her, and Casey appreciated that, but he was pretty sure that if his mom was in court, Jackson would have been there too, not only as her friend, but as the Sheriff of Emerson, so it was with some mixed emotions, that Casey had welcomed him that afternoon.

”Afternoon Casey,”; Jackson greeted the younger man, a weak smile was offered, but Jackson couldn’t muster anything stronger.

”Sheriff,”; Casey nodded, wishing Jackson would get to the reason for his unexpected arrival, just cut to the chase.

Casey never had been one for small talk and idle chit-chat. There was far too much work to get done to waste time fluffing him up, he thought, but today was even worse, being that he hadn’t gotten nearly enough done for the morning, and now the Sheriff was here visiting, and not his mom either.

Jackson’s boot toyed with a rock it had uncovered on the unpaved drive. He was stalling, he decided, and he wasn’t one to run from anything, never had been his style. Besides, Jackson reflected, his daddy always had said that the best way to see things clearly was to face them head on. He hated causing anymore grief to the young man though, but maybe, it wouldn’t be so bad. Jackson had to believe it would all work out for the best, cause, so help him, if Tracey Marshall hurt Paulette, or her family, one more time...

”Something I can do for ya?”; Casey pushed, concerned as to the reason for this impromptu visit.

Jacksonsighed, wondering if there was a good approach he could take in this already nasty situation. “Case,”; Jackson started, causing Casey to glare at him, his dad had called him that. “Casey,”; Jackson corrected himself apologetically, even if he had come to think rather highly of the boy in the past few years. Listening to Paulette recount all kinds of childhood stories, watching her smile with love as she talked of her twins made Jackson think that if he had a son, Casey would be a good representation of what he imagined the kid would be like, maybe he could do with a little less temper though. “I need a favor.”;

Jackson opted for the ‘come around from behind’ offense, and it made him uncomfortable, certainly not something he was accustomed to doing, and it made him uneasy, not being straight with the boy. Casey listened intently, impatiently, his eyes widening slightly, urging Jackson to continue. “Well, you see, Son,”; Casey’s eyes flashed angry momentarily before Jackson continued, “I was hoping you could help me out by taking it easy on your mom. She just had to swallow some news that didn’t taste so good.”;

”What news?”; Casey asked, deciding to ignore the fact that he was being treated like a child for the second time today, and it was only one in the afternoon. This was going to be one hell of a long day, Casey thought grudgingly.

”Judge Whitman, well he decided... you see, what happened was,”; Jackson mumbled out, as if the correct phrase would suddenly come to him to make this all okay.

”Damn it! Just tell me already,”; Casey demanded.

”The guy who wrecked his car into your barn...”; Jackson started.

”You mean, after he plowed through the fence on the east side,”; Casey added through gritted teeth.

”Yeah, him. He’s gonna be arriving here any minute with your mom, and...”; Jackson didn’t get to explain why before Casey interrupted him.

”He’s coming here? With my mom!”; Casey yelled incredulously.

”Yes, the Judge ordered him to make the repairs himself to Kingsman Bluff, right before he suspended his driver’s license,”; Jackson tried to explain.

”Well good,”; Casey sneered. “That’ll just make it all the more easy for me to get my hands on him,”; he realized out loud.

”Now just a minute, Casey,”; Jackson retorted. “I won’t be having any more trouble out here, you get me? Don’t make me lock you up for assault on top of everything else,”; Jackson warned him.

Casey looked appalled at the insinuation. That guy deserved a good ass-kicking, whoever he was. Asking him to welcome the guy with open arms was a just a little over the top, even for the Sheriff. Casey opened his mouth to reply angrily, only to let it snap shut once more, unsure he could reply without incriminating himself.

”Think of your mother, that’s all I’m asking. It’s gonna be hard enough for her having him here, she doesn’t need you in trouble for fighting too,”; Jackson implored, and Casey huffed as he crossed his arms disagreeably.

”You make it sound like it’s a good thing he’s coming here,”; Casey noted angrily.

”Oh, don’t get me wrong. If he so much as steps outta line, his butt is mine,”; Jackson assured him with a tone that said he would love nothing more than to drag Tracey’s butt into the lockup again for all the grief he had caused. “But I need you to not cause any trouble Casey, for your mom, and keep an eye on him for me would ya?”;

Tracey’s head snapped up when he heard the front door slam, and he watched as one very pissed off guy stalked toward the truck looking as though he was in no mood to be patient or polite. In fact, Tracey thought, it was quite surprising he was approaching Paulette’s side of the truck and not his, even if he was staring Tracey down with a look that made him feel as though he was being hunted.

Paulette let out a huff, clearly not happy to have to deal with this guy or his nasty mood as she asked, “Wait here a minute, okay?”;

Tracey nodded silently, never taking his eyes off the guy who was very theatrically telling Paulette just what he thought about this whole arrangement. The permanent frown that had settled on Paulette’s face didn’t do much for Tracey’s guilt either, as he watched her ride out this guy’s outburst. Tracey was fairly certain this guy wasn’t gonna hurt her, which was the only reason he did stay put like Paulette had asked him to. He didn’t care who this guy was, there was no way he was gonna sit by and watch any man hit a woman, even if that woman had been the one who asked him to stay away.

He watched as Paulette tried to reason with him, her shoulders slumped tiredly forward as he continued to argue his case. Tracey took this time to size him up, and decided that, if he didn’t have such an angry scowl on his face, he might just be something to look at with that defined jaw line and the way his brown hair seemed to fall down into his eyes. The way he would occasionally shake his head to the side to reposition it would have been endearing if it didn’t get in the way of those eyes, brown also, but shining with fire, even if at the moment, it was with anger and directed at him. He saw Paulette’s face soften with concern, a sadness creeping in where she had been so careful, so determined, not to let it show.

Steadfast, resolute in the fact that she was not going to cry, Paulette decided to let Casey blow off some steam, knowing that anything she tried to say right now would just fall on deaf ears. Once he had gotten it out of his system, she would just explain that she hadn’t been given a choice, that they had to get the fence, and the barn, repaired. Besides, she remembered Jackson’s words, his promises to help keep the kid in line, and maybe she had only spent a couple of hours in an uncomfortable, and almost wordless, silence with Tracey, but she knew he wasn’t going to be causing anymore harm.

Tracey watched as the guy, who seemed to be about his own age, stalked off again, this time to the barn. Maybe he was seeking solace, maybe, Tracey wondered, if all his anger was a way to ignore the sadness and loss he felt for something much bigger, at least, for Tracey, it was. This was the guy’s home after all, and Tracey reasoned that someone putting a gaping hole into it could put an equivalent hole in someone’s existence, leaving them to feel vulnerable, exposed, and by all rights, angry.

Once the guy had disappeared into the barn, Tracey’s eyes wandered back to Paulette. He found her struggling between watching this guy stalk off into the barn, and the striking girl that stood on her porch. Funny that Tracey hadn’t noticed her before, then again, he had been steadily watching the guy and his interaction with Paulette so fiercely, that he wouldn’t have noticed a plane crash into the mountainside right next to him.

She was beautiful, looking just like he had imagined Paulette would have looked ten or fifteen years ago. This was probably her daughter, Tracey reasoned, noticing the obvious resemblance, even from his vantage point in the truck. Her hair was woven in two braids that hung forward over her shoulders and she would have a great smile, Tracey imagined, if she didn’t look so worried at the moment.

Not only did she resemble Paulette, but she was a softer, gentler version of the guy he had just seen with the defined jaw and the fire in his eyes. Her brother, Tracey figured, which would make him Paulette’s son, and Tracey wondered how many more of them there were going to be that he would have to face every day. Hopefully, not too many, if they were all gonna react like he had.

Paulette offered a wary smile to the tall, auburn haired girl on the porch in an attempt to allay the girl’s fears, or perhaps, her own. The girl chewed hesitantly on her lip, her eyes searching back and forth between her mother’s and the space her brother had disappeared into, before offering a smile to her mother and heading off in the other direction after her brother. Paulette nodded in understanding, smiling at her, even if the smile didn’t reach her eyes, before turning and heading back to the truck where Tracey waited for her, just as she had asked him to.

When Paulette opened the door to the truck, it was as if the tiny protective bubble Tracey had around him burst, and the reality of this situation was hitting him full force. Instead of just telling Tracey that he could get out of the truck now and get on with it, she just climbed back in with him, seeking out some of the sanctuary Tracey seemed to feel there. Silence grew between them, and at first Tracey was thankful for it, but as time went on he grew uncomfortable, frustrated.

”I don’t know what to say,”; Tracey admitted, and it was the truth. Sure there were a hundred good things he could say, should say, to Paulette, but in the end that was what came out.

”I’m afraid I don’t either,”; Paulette agreed hesitantly.

”Those were your kids,”; Tracey suggested, not really as a question, but as something he had decided.

”Yes,”; Paulette answered, thankful that they were finally talking, and at least it was about something she understood; her kids. “Casey and Catherine, they’re twins,”; she said.

”She’s beautiful, looks like you,”; Tracey managed, and Paulette’s cheeks colored only slightly.

”That she is,”; Paulette agreed, “but don’t let Casey hear you say that,”; she warned with a smile on her face. Talking about her kids was good for Paulette, Tracey noted, the smile on Paulette’s face, the first genuine one he’d seen all day. “He’s a real spitfire when it comes to his baby sister,”; Paulette told him.

”Baby? I thought you said they were twins?”; Tracey asked confused.

”Well, yes honey, but Catherine was born first and Casey, six minutes later, making her the oldest,”; Paulette explained as she smiled inwardly at the way Catherine would remind Casey of that fact every time he got a little too big for his own britches.

”Oh, I guess so,”; Tracey agreed. “So I guess he’s pretty pissed I’m here huh?”; Tracey made the apparent observation.

”You could say that,”; Paulette agreed hesitantly. “It’s just gonna take him some time, all of us I think, to get used to the idea. It’ll work out,”; she said determinedly.

”Okay,”; Tracey said, hoping more than anything that when he stepped foot outside of the safety of the old blue pick-up truck, Paulette would be right. “I guess we’ll find out soon enough,”; Tracey commented before he opened the door and tentatively took his first step away from the safety he had felt sitting in the truck.

Paulette silently admired his determination, his realistic approach to the situation, even if she said nothing, instead, climbing out of the truck along with him. Swallowing your pride, owning up to the mistakes you have made and the people you have wronged, facing your fears, none of those are easy things to do, Paulette reminded herself, even as every step he took on her land brought her more anxiety.

Tracey stopped when he realized he didn’t know where he was going and looked over at Paulette, hoping for some direction. Her smile was hesitant, but it was enough to motivate Tracey to respond in kind, a gentle, humble smile turning the corners of his mouth upward. His appreciation for the chance she had given him to redeem himself, to absolve himself from the weight of the guilt he carried, shone clearly in his eyes as he looked at her.

Casey was angry. It was no surprise that he didn’t approve of this arrangement, that he believed being open-minded in this circumstance was clearly not warranted, but his mother had made it clear that she hadn’t had a choice in the matter, and so, neither did he. That didn’t make it any easier to swallow, Casey decided, as he stood up to take a walk. Maybe Caty would walk with him, even if he didn’t want to have to ask for her company.

He stood and headed for the large doorway, glancing back over his shoulder at his sister, before she stood up and followed him loyally. She had just caught up to him, his long casual saunter easy enough to fall in step with, until he stopped quick, and with a jolt tried to protectively shove her behind him. She didn’t need protecting, she decided, nor did she appreciate being treated as such, but her insistence earned her a heated glare from her brother until his eyes found the real target for his disposition.

Paulette was glad Tracey was trying, even if it meant that he had to be on Kingsman Bluff, even if it meant they would all have to learn to get along somehow for the next few months. She was glad she could see that her generosity had been recognized as she looked at Tracey; until she watched the muscles in his face tighten. She wondered, as she tried to read the changes that played across his face, what could cause such a change so quickly, before she spun around to find Casey and Catherine standing together at the entrance to the barn.

Catherine looked worried, her chestnut eyes darting back and forth between her brother’s angry face, and Tracey’s stone face, before settling on her mother’s worried expression, one that seemed to match her own, though that offered her little solace. If things were going to continue on like this, Catherine wondered how much more she could take. Her brother was hurting, angry, and his connection to her made it all the more difficult for her to try and talk him out of it, especially this time. She felt the same anguish he did, but added to that, was the pain she felt watching him fighting himself.

The sound of rapid galloping turning up the earth seemed to tear everyone’s attention away from the impending confrontation as Will rode up. Without so much as a hello to Paulette, or any of the three people that seemed to be in her accompaniment, Will breathed out, “Case, we gotta go. The herd is moving east again, and I don’t know how much longer that makeshift fence is gonna hold ‘em.”;

When Casey didn’t make any move for his horse, almost as if he hadn’t heard Will at all, things seemed to slow down just enough for Will took take a swift look around before adding, “I don’t know about you, but I don’t really want to be spending all night out there chasing cattle,”; the slight irritability could be heard on the tail end of his words.

”Fine,”; Casey uttered before turning back into the barn, and before anyone had time to wonder what would happen next, or ask any questions, Casey rode out of the barn in a flash, leaving Will to watch after him in confusion before taking off behind him.

”Catherine, would you please show Tracey here to the bunkhouse. He’ll be staying in there with Will,”; Paulette asked her daughter as she moved off in the direction of the barn. Then, as if an afterthought, added, “Oh, and be sure to tell Janie to set an extra place from now on.”;

Tracey and Catherine were still standing there silently observing the other when Paulette rode off on a horse in a way that made her seem much less fragile somehow. When he couldn’t see her anymore and was left feeling like the one person who could possibly accept that he was here, if not understand him just a little bit was gone, he turned back to Catherine feeling ever so lonely.

Her eyes seemed charged, compelled to be angry, and he wouldn’t blame her one bit if she was, but she battled with herself not to feel sorry for the guy at the same time. Finally, not left with any options she let out a sigh, her shoulders slumping momentarily before she said, “Come on, it’s this way.”;

Tracey followed her silently until she slowed her pace just enough that he had no choice but to walk beside her. “Tracey, right?”; she asked. He only nodded in agreement, not trusting himself to say anything. “Well, I’m Catherine, ‘near everyone calls me Caty, ‘cept Mom, of course. She always said it sounded too much like Casey, and if she was yellin’, the right one of us better come runnin’.”; She laughed gently at the memory, and her laugh had just enough contentment in it to make him curious as to what she would sound like if she was really laughing, uninhibited.

She pushed the door open to the bunkhouse as if it were familiar territory to her, and walked inside unannounced. A couple sets of bunks lined the walls in the larger room they had just walked into, leaving two doors to fill in the spaces in between.

”That’s Will’s room,”; she pointed at the door to the left. “And that’s the little boys room,”; she said about the other door. “Guess you can have whichever bunk you want since nobody else is staying right now.”;

”Thanks,”; Tracey nodded, surveying the room before deciding to take a seat on the bottom bunk near Will’s door. Caty opted for the bunk across the room, where she found a seat for herself, before studying Tracey as he looked around.

His eyes wandered up and down the walls, stopping to study anything that stood out, before they settled on her. She offered a weak smile, one that showed how uneasy she was with the whole situation. It could be that she felt stifled, like she owed it to her brother to be hurt and angry with him, Tracey thought, as he studied her face, then again, if it was his home, he’d likely not be as nice as she was being.

”Well, dinner’s at six, on the dot, and don’t even think about being late, or Janie’ll have your hide,”; Caty offered, figuring at least that was a safe subject.

”Okay, I’ll remember that,”; Tracey said with a small laugh.

”You didn’t bring any bags with you,”; Caty noted, “or did you leave ‘em in the truck?”;

”No, this is all I got, I came straight from the court...”; Tracey’s sentence broke off as he realized that if he continued, they would end up in the place they had both been avoiding.

”Well that won’t do,”; Caty decided as she stood up and headed for Will’s room in search of something to keep her busy, as much as for clothes. “You’re about Will’s size, maybe a bit thinner though,”; she smirked, “but I bet we can find you something to wear that ain’t so... fancy,”; she finally decided on.

Tracey watched as she rummaged through the small chest of drawers that was up against the wall, wondering how Will would feel about her giving his stuff out to some stranger. “It is sorta stuffy,”; Tracey agreed as he watched Caty’s face thoughtfully. If Tracey didn’t know better, he would swear that this girl had one heck of a crush on Will. Seems her heart was his, Tracey decided, as he watched her silently smell one of Will’s shirts before hanging it back in the small cutout closet and choosing a different one.

”Here, these oughtta do,”; she decided, tossing the clothes down onto the bed next to Tracey. “Guess you’ll just have to wear your own shoes for now though.”;

”Thanks Caty,”; Tracey offered. “I really appreciate it, but you’re sure Will won’t mind? I mean, I know I ain’t exactly the most welcomed guest you guys have had ‘round here.”;

”Nah, I’ll talk to him,”; she said assuredly. “Will’s a great guy,”; she finished, just as Will came walking into the bunkhouse.

”Why thank ya’ darlin’,”; Will teased as he dropped his hat on a hook next to the door and Caty blushed with vigor, suddenly finding her own boots fascinating. “What did I do this time?”; he asked her playfully.

”Oh, umm, I was just tellin’ Tracey here, that you wouldn’t mind none if he borrowed some clothes, least till we can get his for him,”; Caty answered resolutely.

”Oh, is that all?”; Will responded smiling. “Not a problem,”; he decided. “I think I’ll just get washed up for dinner,”; he said as he walked into his room.

”Excuse me,”; Tracey said quietly, gathering up the clothes Caty had tossed on the bed next to him, and making his way into the bathroom to change.

Will and Caty both watched as their new visitor made his way across the room and closed the door behind him, before Caty walked over to Will’s door, never crossing over the threshold though. Will was handsome, strong, a man, Caty thought, and she couldn’t help but notice just how strong he looked as he pulled off his shirt, dirty from the day’s work, and dropped it on the pile of laundry before kicking off his boots.

”Where’s Mom?”; Caty wondered aloud.

”She’s with Case,”; he told her. “Wanted to talk some, I reckon, before he does something stupid.”;

”Oh,”; Caty answered, knowing her brother was mad as a bull. “Janie’ll have a fit if he causes trouble during dinner, especially after what happened at breakfast this morning,”; she thought out loud.

”Mmhmm,”; Will agreed. “’Sides, he was all riled up knowing you was back here with him all alone, so I volunteered to come and check on you and give them some time to talk,”; Will explained and Caty smiled at the thought.

”I was fine. I ain’t a kid anymore ya know,”; Caty pointed out, but Will wasn’t listening anymore, busy in his own bathroom with the water running.

Tracey reappeared from the bathroom, dressed in Will’s jeans and plaid shirt, looking slightly uncomfortable, but it was much more fitting attire, Caty thought, as she smiled approvingly, even if the clothes did look much better on Will.

”Looks good,”; Caty announced as Tracey took a seat again. “Oh! I almost forgot. I have to tell Janie to set an extra place. Will can show you the way to dinner,”; she said as she ran out the door leaving Tracey to wait uncomfortably for Will.

Tracey lay back on the pillow provided, his arm covering his eyes, seeking some solitude, a moment to think, or maybe just to stop thinking for a minute. Lord knows there had been plenty running through his mind the last few hours that he’d rather not remember. He was tired, he realized, not long after his head hit that soft pillow, and had he not been off in another world, he might have heard Will walk into the room.

Will took a seat on a plump cushioned chair, one that was rarely used unless they had visitors, and just watched Tracey. Young kid, he thought. What’s he doing getting himself into so much trouble so early on? Sure Will had done his fair share of shit, but nothing like this. Seemed nice enough, not that Will had said more than ten words to the guy, but he had a way about him, seemed to know if someone was being genuine or not.

Tracey was hard to read, but he was in an unfamiliar place, scared maybe, Will thought. Will certainly wouldn’t like to be in his shoes, he decided, especially not if he had to deal with Casey and his temper. Will had been on the wrong end of that enough times to know he never wanted to be again. It seemed though, that Tracey here wasn’t gonna get the choice though, since Casey had a burr in his butt, and was looking for a fight. Will decided it’d be best if he just stayed out of it and let the two of them work it out. Casey could be reasonable, given the time to calm down some and actually think about things.

Will glanced over at the clock on the wall where it hung over his door, a slice of wood cut out from the center of an old Hickory tree and polished till it shone. It was less than ten minutes till Janie would be bringing out her biscuits, fresh from the oven, and lighter and fluffier than you have ever tasted, and Will didn’t want to be late for that, anymore than he wanted to hear Janie muttering just loud enough for him to hear it the whole meal.

Will walked over to where Tracey was napping, tapping his boot against the wooden frame just enough to rouse Tracey. Tracey looked tiredly up at Will, wondering if he was in a precarious position. “Come on tenderfoot, don’t wanna get Janie’s feathers all ruffled on your first day here,”; Will smiled before backing up just enough to give Tracey some space to maneuver.

”Thanks,”; Tracey almost groaned, wishing he wasn’t as hungry as he was. Then again, hiding out forever wasn’t gonna solve anything either, Tracey reminded himself as he stood, determined to do his best to prove to them he wanted to make things right again.

Tracey followed Will out of the bunkhouse and over to the main house that Paulette had parked in front of when they had first arrived. He walked up the steps of that porch, wondering if he might feel some comfort if he lingered there. Perhaps that was an excuse to keep Tracey from following Will right in the screen door, but it didn’t offer him any this time.

”Coming tenderfoot?”; Will grinned knowingly.

Tracey nodded, walking past Will as he held the door open. The smell that waited for him tugged him in further, his stomach betraying his mind and its very rational reasons to hesitate.

”Smells good don’t it?”; Will said as though he knew exactly what Tracey was thinking, and that seemed troublesome too.

Tracey followed Will further into the house, his eyes catching the warm peach walls and the cream colored lace curtains that would allow just enough sunlight in. A large brick fireplace took up one wall, and he could smell a hint of cinnamon floating on the air that made it seem all that more inviting. A large collection of straw hats hung on a wall, different styles, some with large ribbons tied around them, others with flowers woven into them, and some with feathers or beads, much like the Indians who had probably preceded them on these lands would have worn.

They wandered into the dining room, and as Will kissed Janie on the cheek while trying to steal a biscuit from the bowl she was carrying, Tracey saw the two empty seats left at the large pine table. One was next to Caty, and the other, next to Casey. Out of self preservation, he quickly chose the one next to Caty, as Janie smacked Will’s hand and said, “Sit down Willy! You know better,”; even if she was smiling.

Will took the seat next to Casey without any fuss, and patted Casey on the shoulder. “Smells terrific, Janie,”; Will grinned. “Janie’s the best cook with in a hundred miles of here,”; Will told Tracey. Janie blushed a bit, but hushed him as she handed him the bowl of biscuits. Will was right, Tracey decided, one bite into the best pot roast he had ever tasted.

”So Tracey,”; Paulette started, “Caty tells me you don’t have any clothes with you. How ‘bout tomorrow morning she can drive you into town and you can get your stuff since I know you weren’t expecting to be stayin’ here.”;

Casey snorted as Paulette shot him a look of warning, his boot tapping angrily against the floor. Course he wants to go with her, just look how quickly he snuggled right up next to her during dinner, how she didn’t seem to even mind that he was sitting at our table, eating our food, Casey thought. It didn’t occur to him though, that, when given the choice between the safety and the business end of a bull, only an idiot chooses incorrectly.

”How ‘bout it Tracey?”; Caty prodded. “I was goin’ anyway. Got some supplies to pick up at the Feed and Supply.”;’

”I guess I’d appreciate it then,”; Tracey accepted hesitantly and Casey threw down his fork with a loud clatter.

Everyone looked at him expectantly, Paulette’s eyes almost pleading, as Casey stood up, his chair sliding out behind him. “I can’t believe you’re just gonna let him go with her all alone,”; Casey all but shouted incredulously.

Caty rolled her eyes at his unnecessary over protectiveness. What did he think was gonna happen anyway? Just goes to show what he really thought of her, Caty thought, as she crossed her arms angrily over her chest. He must take her for a fool, a naive little girl.

Will stood slowly, his hand finding Casey’s shoulder in a friendly, supportive gesture. “C’mon Case, let’s just finish dinner,”; he suggested. “No need to hurt Janie’s feelings,”; he added using any available excuse he had.

”Not you too?”; Casey retorted. “What’s wrong with y’all? How can you sit here and act like nothing’s wrong?”; he demanded, searching their faces for a reply. When he found none, he snorted, “Forget it, I’m finished anyway.”;

”Casey Kingsman, you sit down this instant!”; Paulette admonished, frowning in disappointment. “Since when do we yell at this table? And twice in one day is pushing it.”;

Casey looked at her disbelievingly. After all this guy had done to him, to his family, to his home, and his own mother was taking up for him now. It was all just too much for him to deal with.

”I’ll go,”; Tracey said quietly, wiping his mouth discreetly with his napkin before placing on the table next to his practically full plate. “Tell Janie I appreciate it. Her pot roast was fantastic.”;

”Nonsense,”; Paulette demanded. “You will both sit here and eat like the grown men you are, am I clear?”; she asked pointedly, and while Tracey was quick to nod his assent, Casey was not as easily swayed, but eventually he sat again along with Will.

Not much more was said throughout the rest of dinner, or even through Janie’s delectable blueberry cobbler, but Paulette supposed silence was preferential to the yelling from earlier. She finally excused herself as Caty helped Janie clear the dishes. It had been a long day, and Paulette was exhausted, emotionally and physically, as she wished her children a good night and excused herself.

Tracey sat quietly next to Will as Casey seemed to bore holes through him with his eyes. Caty came out from the kitchen and paused momentarily at the sight of these three sitting as though, at any moment, Will was gonna have to wrestle her crazed brother off of Tracey for fear of some major damage happening. She offered Will a sympathetic smile, knowing her presence would only make things worse, before she walked past Casey and dropped a kiss on his cheek.

”Night baby brother,”; she winked before she headed up the stairs to her room.

”Yeah, it’s late,”; Will agreed, grasping onto the well laid excuse with all his might, stretching in a show of sleepiness. “What do ya say, Tracey? Can you find your way back alone?”;

”I’ll manage,”; Tracey answered, appreciative of the easy out he had been given, deciding that he had an ally in Will, if for no other reason than he seemed determined to keep Casey from getting to him. “Night,”; he offered before finding his way out onto that porch once more.

The sky was clear, black, and not at all obstructed by the lights from the town like it usually was when he looked up at it. So many stars, Tracey thought, as he searched the night sky, maybe even further, secretly, to the heavens. Maybe his mom was looking down on him as he stood underneath that big ol’ sky. She had him looking up, even when he was falling down. Maybe, Tracey hoped, she would be smiling down on him soon.

He smiled momentarily as he remembered her smile, she really was beautiful, Tracey recalled. He missed her so, not that the last two years had held much that she would have been proud of, been smiling about, but he aimed to change that if she would just watch over him a little bit longer. He wouldn’t have wanted her to see him like that anyhow. His smile vanished as he heard the creak of the screen door and looked over to see Will walk out onto the porch.

”Pretty ain’t it?”; Will spoke, not really looking for a reply. Tracey nodded, but didn’t offer so much as a sound. “Gonna rain soon though, I can smell it,”; Will told him inhaling the fresh clean air deep into his lungs.

”Thanks Will,”; Tracey said after a moment as he stepped off the porch, heading for the bunkhouse.

Will took a seat in one of the rocking chairs, searching the stars silently, absent-mindedly really. It was a distraction from the stress the day had held for him. He hoped tomorrow would be easier, although he knew from experience that hoping didn’t make it so. He had learned that a long time ago.

Casey sighed as he walked out onto the porch, earning him Will’s attention. “I thought you said you were going to bed,”; Casey questioned.

”Got sidetracked,”; Will shrugged as Casey took the seat next to him, mostly for comfort, Will decided knowingly. Will’s hand landed firmly on Casey’s knee, giving it a squeeze of affection.

”Can it be tomorrow yet?”; Casey asked to no one in particular in his first moment of weakness all day, and only once he knew it was safe to do so.

”Can’t fight everyone Case, especially when you keep fighting yourself,”; Will said cryptically as he patted Casey’s knee once more before he stood and headed for bed. “Night Case,”; Will said, his words pecking at Casey’s defenses until his head dropped into his hands.

Casey wondered how he would get any rest tonight, and if he could even imagine a tomorrow that wouldn’t be a total train wreck like today had been. Hopefully something would come to him in his sleep, some answer he hadn’t yet been able to see, Casey hoped, as the scent of rain danced around him soothingly. Maybe the rain would wash all his troubles away... maybe it would refresh his spirits.

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