Dismantle the Sun - 4. Chapter 4

4.

Melina called after I'd got back from my morning run, but before I'd made much of a start on breakfast.

"Are you busy right now?"

"Well, I just broke open two eggs."

"Oh, pancakes? Can I come over?"

"Eh... Just scrambled eggs, actually, but if you're making pancakes, you can come over."

"Great! I'll be over in ten minutes. Um, that's okay, isn't it? Your mom won't mind?"

"My mom's not here. See you in a bit."

We hung up, and I put the bowl with the eggs in the fridge as I went to take my shower. When I got back, Melina was at the stove, and two pancakes were already in the plate. It'd taken a few months after we got to know each other for me to convince her that she could just let herself in if I wasn't there to get the door, but it was worth it. Melina's pancakes are to die for.

"So I guess you dropped Alec off after us? Where does he live, anyway?"

I grunted. "Next to the plaza."

"Oh, that's not far then." She poured some batter on the pan. "What did he think of the party?"

I shrugged. "He..." I trailed off and listened to Melina flipping a pancake. Then I sighed and sat back, my appetite completely shot. "Melina, I fucked up."

"What?"

I dropped my head in my hands and nearly sloshed milk out of my cup as my elbows hit the table. "I did something stupid."

"What did you do?"

"Nothing."

"Nothing?"

I sighed. I hadn't tried to kiss him, I hadn't tried to stick my hands into his pants or anything. Not that I didn't want to. I hadn't. I'd only suggested it instead in two accidental touches, and either Alec wasn't as gay as I thought, or he was a serious closet case. One way or the other, he was probably going to avoid me for the rest of his life.

"It can't have been that bad?"

"Yeah." I shifted in my seat and decided that this subject had gone on for long enough. It wasn't helping my appetite, at any rate. "So what're you going to do this weekend?"

"Nick-"

"Are you gonna do a big bake-a-thon?"

Melina sighed. "Greg and I are going to watch all of The Sopranos in one go. And there's a performance tonight, of course."

"Yeah. So how's Greg?"

"Greg?" Melina gave me an innocent look, which obviously meant she was hiding something. "He's fine. Why?"

I crossed my arms. "You haven't been talking to him about-me, have you?" Me and Alec, I meant, but I remembered that there wasn't even remotely an "and" between us.

Melina flushed. "Only a bit. Do you mind it?"

"It's not that I mind. It's just not gonna happen."

"I'm sure it wasn't that bad."

I grunted. "So what're you doing today?"

"Uh... Sopranos and the show?"

"Right, you said," I muttered, feeling a bit embarrassed. "Oh yeah. So d'you find out whose house that was?"

"No. Whose?"

"Darius Wigglesworth."

"Darius Wigglesworth! Who told you?"

"Uh..." I realized, suddenly, that I somehow didn't want Melina to know I'd been having a conversation with Darius Wigglesworth. "He did, kind of. It's his second house. His first house has the indoor swimming pool, I bet."

"Indoor swimming pool?"

I frowned. "Yeah, indoor swimming pool."

"Oh! The indoor swimming pool, right."

I felt a bit annoyed, but Melina thankfully decided to start remarking on how pleased she was with the opening show yesterday, but how irritated she'd been that the piccolos were sharp in the second act. In the middle of that and my absent-minded "hmm"s, she said,

"I was kind of surprised by how much pot was at that party-you used to smoke it, didn't you?"

"Yeah."

Melina nodded and went on about piccolos.

I'd found that Melina was matter-of-fact about a lot of things that people would normally get hung up about. Like the fact that I was gay. Or the fact that I'd been a delinquent when we met. It's funny, the thing about friends. You don't miss or need them until after you have then. Nelson had just decided to play hooky on a permanent basis; his dad had ended up in jail for the last time; and I'd just started to shut myself away from the guy who'd been my best friend and only friend. Then Melina had come up, in overalls and with fuzzy pigtails, and asked me if I could please help her record Bluebeard's Castle, if it wasn't too much of a bother. She'd bake me brownies if I did.

"Do you want to watch The Sopranos with us?"

I shook my head. "I've got work today."

"Oh, that's right. When do you get off?"

"Seven."

"Do you want to come over for dinner?"

I hesitated. Melina's mom made superb dinners. I swear I gained five pounds every time I went to her house. I'd make that ten pounds if my stomach could fit it. But I didn't really feel like it, not when the last time I'd talked to my mom had been her birthday, three days ago.

"I dunno. I'll call you if I do."

Melina smiled. "Great. Greg'll be there too."

"Yeah." I stacked the dishes and took them to the sink. "He is gay, isn't he ?"

There was a pause before Melina responded. "Um, he says he is."

"Yeah," I said. "Just so you don't have a crush on him, or anything."

Melina giggled. "Me? Have a crush on Greg?"

I shrugged. "I'm just making sure. I mean, it's my job to beat up everyone who tries to, uh..."

"Endanger my-virtue?"

"Yeah. Sounds about right. It's my job." I gave the last plate an extra hard scrub and held it to the light coming through the garden window. "Ma-ee duty," I said to my reflection, with my best fake Italian accent.

Melina giggled again. "I already have a dad to do that."

"Yeah, well." I paused. "You do, I guess."

---

Unlike some restaurants, Pinocchio's didn't suddenly get much busier on the weekends. I guess the people who ate there on weekdays finally had time to cook on the weekends, and people who usually cooked chose Saturdays to be lazy. Anyway, I guess it balances out.

Today, though, it just had to happen that someone who could have stayed home decided to come during my shift. It wasn't Alec. I'll be lying if I said I hadn't been hoping-even though I knew it was a pretty stupid thing to hope for-that he'd show up. No, it was Darius Wigglesworth. I sighed.

"Did you overcook?"

"No, no," I said, going up to the counter and thinking that there was no way in hell Giuletta was as deaf as she claimed.

"Can I help you, sir?" I said, when Wigglesworth had finished inching his way to the counter. At least he hadn't come with Landauer, his girlfriend. Otherwise, I might have to change jobs.

"Cheese."

"Regular or Sicilian?"

"Regular."

At least he'd come with a script in mind. "That'll be one sixty, sir."

He paid. I tossed a slice into the oven and glanced at the time. Six fifty-five. Maybe I'd take up Melina's offer after all. I'd gotten pretty used to Melina's mom and dad, and I think they were pretty used to me, too, but eating at someone else's house feels weird, no matter how many times you do it.

I took out the pizza after a minute had passed. "Here you go, sir," I said, but Wigglesworth didn't seem to have noticed. He was frowning at someone who'd just come in. I followed his stare, and nearly dropped the pizza. It was Alec, hesitating half in the doorway, looking ready to back out.

"Alec!" I slid the pizza at Wigglesworth and jogged out from behind the counter. "Hey, what's up, man?"

Alec's eyes seemed determined to focus on anything except at me. But he was there, right in front of me, right after I'd spent the whole day resigning myself to the fact that there was no way in hell I was going to see him again. I wasn't about to ask why. I was probably scaring away Giuletta's business with the way I was grinning, and my heart was pounding like a goldfish that had flopped out of its bowl, and part of me was downright terrified that Alec would step back and mutter that he'd come to the wrong shop. But he didn't. He was here.

"Hi Nick," he said.

"Hey," I said. We kind of stood there for a good while before I realized that people might be wondering why there was a mad grinning loon blocking the doorway. I turned and gestured at the counter. "Want some pizza?"

"Yeah," Alec said, sounding nervous.

I went back behind the stand, and that's why I noticed Wigglesworth sitting at the table farthest away, glaring with his pizza untouched. I had the urge to cheerfully flick him off, but figured that might not be such a good idea in the long run.

"We've got Sicilian and regular if you want pizza, and subs if you want subs. We've got a ton of toppings, too-cheese, pepperoni, sausage, mushroom, peppers, tomato basil, spinach-you name it."

"Uh..."

I chuckled, and he did too. Alec had been looking pretty overwhelmed for a moment. "Well, I dunno. What would you recommend?"

"Sicilian tomato basil. It's great. And if I think it's great-it is." Alec chuckled again. I did too. It was as though I'd just won the world. "I mean, I do this fifteen hours a week, and if I'm not sick of it now, then it's gotta be, you know. Pretty damn good."

"Yeah," Alec said. He'd pulled a five dollar bill from his pocket. "So, I guess, a slice of tomato basil?"

"One tomato basil!" I announced, like one of those guys on ESPN. "For here or to go?"

"Uh-" He paused. I kicked myself. I should've just planted him at table next to the counter without asking.

Then, after noticing that his gaze kept sliding off to one side, I realized why he hesitating so much. Wigglesworth was still glaring at us. I wondered if he thought we were gossiping about him, or something, because he was looking pretty baleful. Then I guess he noticed that I was staring at him, because his eyes flickered up and he picked up his pizza to take a bite. He really hadn't eaten much of it yet.

"I dunno..."

"Here," I blurted out. "I mean, if you're not in a hurry, you can just, like, eat here..."

Alec nodded. "Yeah. I guess that's okay."

"Cool. Uh, do you want to drink anything? There's drinks there, and water's free."

"Uh, water's fine."

"Sure."

There was a pause. "So, uh... How's your weekend so far?"

"Pretty good."

"Yeah." Another pause. "D'you have any plans for tonight?"

"Plans? No, not really."

I was distracted for a moment. Wigglesworth had stood up and was wiping his hands with his napkin.

"Do you wanna watch a movie or something?"

"Uh..." Alec smiled. "Yeah, I guess... why not?"

"Cool, I get off-now, actually." I pointed at the clock, noticing that Wigglesworth had dumped his pizza, which he'd hardly touched, and stalked out the door. From the direction Alec was looking, he'd noticed it too. The day was certainly turning up. "We can go to the plaza theatre and watch something."

"Now?"

"Yeah," I said, pulling off my work apron. "Unless you're busy tonight? I heard they're playing something good."

"Oh, yeah."

We sat down at one of the tables close to the counter. Giuletta was well in the back, and the restaurant was empty. Just the two of us.

"So what do you say?"

Alec shrugged. "Yeah, I mean... I'll give my dad a call, I think he'll be okay with it."

"Awesome." The grin was still on my face. I swear I must've looked as happy as a piece of cheese, for all I was smiling. I had no idea what had happened between last night and today, but I wasn't about to question it. Here was Alec, eating a tomato basil Sicilian and glancing up between bites with a smile that was real.

The door opened. I was halfway out of my seat before I remembered that my shift was over. Giuletta began taking orders with her thick Italian accent, and I watched the newcomers pick out a regular and a spinach. Alec was nearly done. He'd stopped glancing up at me, but that was okay. I could pretend that we were only two normal guys at a pizzeria. For now, at least.

---

We ended up watching one of those cheesy kung-fu comedies. I think Alec enjoyed it, which was good, but I'd been hoping that the theatre wouldn't be so packed. I'd have liked us to be somewhat alone, but I guess you can't have everything.

It hit me, after the first big action piece passed, that this was my first date ever. I spent a whole minute wondering how big of a deal it was. I mean, I guess it's like the first time you get high, or the first time you get drunk. But the fact that it was with Alec made it seem important. I couldn't tell if he was thinking anything along those lines. Unlike me, I think he was actually paying attention to the movie.

It was dark when we got out. Cold, too. I had to rub my arms to keep from shivering.

"How'd you like it?"

Alec shrugged. "It was pretty funny. I liked that stunt in the end."

"Yeah, that was cool," I said, vaguely remembering something involving a four-storey drop. "Uh, d'you want to go do something?"

He hesitated, again. But it didn't seem to take as long this time. "It's kind of late, but I can call my dad."

"If it's okay, we can hang out at my house." Hang out, watch some TV, make food. I hoped Alec wouldn't mind if I cooked. I hadn't had anything since lunch, and I was really starting to feel it.

"Yeah, I'd better ask my dad first."

"Yeah, sure."

I drifted towards my car. Alec followed, cell phone at his ear. "Hello, Dad? Yeah, it's me. We watched a movie. Um... Rush Hour, I think? It was an action comedy. An action comedy. Yeah. Dad, can I hang out at Nick's house for a while?" A pause, and then he turned to me. "How long, d'you think?"

I shrugged. The whole night, but I decided not to suggest that. "Till eleven? Twelve? And I can give you a ride back."

"Um, till eleven o'clock? And Nick says-Nick says he can give me a ride back."

We waited.

"Yeah, okay. I know, Dad. I know. Bye." Alec looked up. "He said yeah."

"Great," I said. We got into my car, and it was almost like last night. There was the same darkness outside, the same quietness between us. But it was different, too, in the way he glanced at me with a smile that I had to make sure, during the stop signs and pauses in traffic, wasn't just the street lights.

It was half past nine when we pulled up in my driveway, which I'd noticed was empty even before we turned down the block. "Hmm. I guess my mom isn't home yet."

"Does she usually work this late?"

I shook my head and turned the key in the lock. "She's probably at her boyfriend's place." I switched on the lights. We'd reached the kitchen before I added, "I don't think she'll be back tonight. Did you have dinner before the movie?"

"Yeah."

"Mind if I make something really quick?"

"Oh, go ahead," said Alec. "I didn't know you haven't had dinner yet." He added, a moment later, "Can I watch?"

"Yeah, of course."

I was making sure I was cracking open my eggs over the bowl and not the floor, but I could see Alec from the corner of my eyes. I didn't need to look up to know that he was watching me.

"I'm just making a few omelets," I said, snapping on the stove. "D'you want one?"

"No, I'm good."

His voice almost made me pause. It wasn't only quieter than it usually was. It also sounded softer. The eggs were getting really nicely even now, and the only noise between us was the sound of the egg whisk. I tried to think of something to say, but my brain seemed to have stopped functioning a while ago.

I heard Alec get up. When I looked, he was peering at the cabinets, moving down the counter, closer to where I was standing.

"So," I said, "uh... Do you cook at home, Alec?"

He kind of smiled at the question, which I guess was pretty silly. "Cook? The only thing I've ever cooked are TV dinners."

"Serious! Aw, that doesn't count."

He shrugged. There was about two feet's distance between us now. One foot. "My dad doesn't think it's something guys should do, I guess."

"Oh-so your mom doesn't cook?"

"My mom's actually... not divorced, but they're separated, my parents. She lives on the other side of town. I see her every so often."

"Oh." I felt my face go a bit red. There was no way of killing a mood like asking an awkward question. I shifted where I stood, but I noticed, suddenly, that Alec hadn't moved away. He'd gotten, if anything, even closer.

I turned. Then I had to turn again and step as quickly as I could to the stove. I'd probably have dropped the eggs all over Alec's feet if I hadn't. He was so close I could count each eyelash. I felt like I'd swallowed a hot pepper that'd gone straight to the pit of my stomach. It didn't help that Alec was still standing there, only inches away, and I could smell the soap he used, feel-

The thought hit me just as I let the eggs splash, sizzling, over the pan. Was Alec coming on to me? Suddenly, everything and nothing was making perfect sense and nonsense all at once. Wasn't he the one who'd balked last night, who'd brushed me off? Wasn't he the one who scurried out of my car without saying goodbye? But right now, he was standing so close that the hairs on my arm were standing on end. Normal guy friends don't stand this close. Or this quietly, this long.

I grabbed the cheese from the fridge. "This one's almost done," I announced, and slid a plate on the counter.

"Yeah."

I'd planned on making at least two omelets, or three, but I wasn't so hungry anymore. And I kind of wanted to just swallow the omelet I had in one gulp so that we could get out of the kitchen and to whatever it was that we were going to do. I shivered.

"Are you sure you don't want any?"

"Yeah, I'm fine."

I sat at the counter. Alec sat next to me. I fumbled with my fork on the first mouthful. I swear, I wasn't usually this clumsy.

"So, uh... Do you have any hobbies, stuff you do for fun?"

"Hobbies?" Alec shrugged. He did that a lot, I noticed. "Warcraft, basically. I should go out more and do more sports and stuff, but..." Another shrug. "I never got into that."

"That's cool. Warcraft, I mean. I've played only one computer game in my life."

"What's that?"

"Mother Goose."

"What?"

I snorted. "It was this game my dad got for me. It was really stupid. You had all these nursery rhyme characters who lost nursery rhyme items, and you had to help get them find it. You got a big hug from Mother Goose if you won."

"Wow."

"That's why I know every single nursery rhyme that's ever existed. Totally useless shit."

"Yeah..."

"Well, I thought it was great when I played it." I finished scraping the last bits of egg and cheese from my plate, and stood. "My dad liked me to sing along with the nursery rhymes when they played. He was weird like that."

"Yeah."

I sponged the plate twice and washed off the soap suds, then put it on the plate rack to dry. I could see Alec looking at me in the reflection in the garden window. He looked pale and thin, the way you'd look if you turned into a ghost. I turned and went back to the seat next to him. His shoulders were hunched and he was frowning, as if he was trying to get something out, but was afraid of it.

"Do you miss him, kind of?"

I shrugged. "I did, when I was little. Now I'm used to it." What I said wasn't untrue-I was used to it now, and, really, I didn't miss my dad all that much. But I'd never talked about this to anyone, and doing so was making it come back. The day he left, the times when he was still here, his presence in this kitchen, under the same uneven light.

I shifted in my seat. "Don't you miss your mom?" I asked.

"Yeah, kind of." He paused, considering. "I still see her a bit, though, and I was never really close to her. I was much closer to my dad."

"Yeah."

Was closer. I nodded, and stared at the wall for a moment. "Do you wanna... check out my room?"

"Yeah." A smile crept back to Alec's face. "Sure."

I slid off the chair and led the way down the hall. I don't know why I did it, but I kept the lights off. I also don't know why I stopped at the end of the hall and pointed, not at my door, but the one opposite.

"My dad left a whole bunch of stuff in the garage when he left. That's why we don't park in there anymore." I paused. "It's still there, all of it."

"Yeah."

I wanted to ask him if he wanted to see it. I wanted him to say that he wanted to see it. Only, there was no reason why he would.

"There's a lot of stuff in there," I said. "Old stuff. My dad liked to collect things."

"That's cool."

"Yeah. We could... take a look, if you want."

"Yeah," Alec said, "Sure."

The garage was cooler than the rest of the house. I turned the switch, and the long line of light bulbs, dangling from the ceiling, flickered on at once.

"Wow."

"Cool, isn't it?"

I led him to the couch at the back. It was ugly and green and the most comfortable thing in the world. According to my dad, he'd slept in it more than anywhere else, though he'd never said why. I wonder if that'd changed now.

"Is this a record player?"

"Yeah. Ancient, I know." I pointed at the bookcase next to it. "That's where the records are."

"Wow." Alec peered at the labels. "Opera?"

I nodded. "My dad is Italian, you know. Raimondi."

"Yeah, but opera?"

"Some of it's good, actually." I got up and stood next to him at the bookshelf. The hairs on my arms were starting to stand up again. "This one's good."

"Norma?"

"Yeah. It's about this druid priestess who gets betrayed by her Roman lover. She wants to kill her children, but decides not to, and in the end kills herself with good-fashioned immolation." I took the record out of its cover, which had a large picture of big-nosed soprano on it, and then slipped off the white paper lining.

"I don't listen to it a lot anymore. I used to, for a while. Opera, I mean."

"Yeah," said Alec, as I set the spindle at the right point and waited.

We got up and sat on the couch. The flute solo started, and that became the only sound in the room, except the strings, which were going up and down like someone's breathing. You could hear the crackle from the record, a bit like the crinkling of wrapping paper. It'd been a while since I'd last been here. A week and a half. Not quite two. When I'd shown this place to Nelson, he'd been pretty impressed with the records, but I hadn't played him any. I wondered if Melina would like them, since she was into theatre, but Melina didn't know this place existed. Only Nelson, and now, Alec.

"So what do you do?"

"Uh..." I trailed off. Alec's voice had gotten soft again. "What?"

"Like, in your spare time. Since you don't do any of the sports teams anymore."

"How do you know I don't do the sports teams?"

He'd gotten even closer. "My dad talks to Mr. Burns, the coach. They play pool every Saturday night."

"Oh, really? I didn't know." Burns was a fiercely bearded man who wore sunglasses all the time. The only time I'd seen him without them was when he'd called me to his office, demanding why I wasn't on the track team. I'd said I had to work. He'd asked to see my dad, to get him to talk to sense into me. I had to tell him I hadn't seen my dad in five years. "I guess I spend a lot of time working at Pinocchio's."

"Yeah. Mr. Burns is pretty bummed you aren't doing any of the athletic stuff."

"Yeah, well..." I shrugged.

"My dad approves of you." Alec paused. I looked at him. "He likes boys who do sports and can fix things. I've never fixed anything in my life. I told him that you did the sound recording."

"Yeah? What else did you tell your dad about me?"

Alec shrugged. "Nothing."

He was turned halfway towards me, his eyes lowered and hands cupped in the space between us. I'd stopped wondering by now if it was only my imagination. Normal friends don't stare at each other for extended periods of time. Friends who wanted to be more than friends did. And I was sure, now, that Alec was waiting for me to lean forward and put my lips against his.

But being sure of something and actually doing it were two very different things. Another few bars of music passed. Alec shifted, moving even closer. Damn it! If this wasn't my chance, then what was?

I bent forward a bit, jerkily. It happened almost too quickly. One moment, I was still staring at Alec's lips, and the next, they were against mine, while the music in the background was slipping through the chromatic passages-my father's favorite part. I drew back slightly to get air, and Alec leaned forward, following.

"Wow," I whispered. I was trembling.

"Have you done this before?"

I shook my head. Alec frowned and sat back.

"Are you okay?"

I tried to answer, but my voice caught in my throat. I was shaking, my entire body quivering like a leaf. "Yeah..." I managed at last. "It's just-" My voice sounded choked, small, as though I was scared to death of something.

"Shh." Alec was stroking me, touching my shoulder and tracing a finger down my arm. "It's okay."

I know, I tried to whisper, but my voice was caught in my throat. I tried to muster a grin, because Alec was starting to look a bit worried. I probably looked more like I was snarling, but after a moment, I did manage a quiet, "I'm okay."

"You sure?"

I nodded. And then lurched forward with a noise somewhere between a bark of laughter and a yell, and started kissing Alec in earnest on the ugly green couch my dad had left behind.