The Princess Who Danced with Fairies - 1. The Princess Who Danced with Fairies

Once there was a princess who was the perfect age for her father to think she should get married. And there seemed on the face of it to be no reason why Princess Bluze shouldn’t be married: she was beautiful, she was intelligent, she had a sense of humor, she liked men, and King Leonardo was quite willing to offer a substantial dowry of gold and lands.

But one consideration put her suitors off. It was this: she insisted on going out every night to dance with fairies, and told King Leonardo that the man she married must allow her to continue to do so. And to prove his broad-mindedness, her future husband must accompany her to the fairy ballroom for three nights.

Suitor after suitor learned of this requirement and backed away “If you want me to kill a dragon ravaging your countryside, I can handle that,” one prince said. “If you want me to bring you a phoenix from the East or a talking fish from the Marianas Trench or a forty-carat blue diamond from the top of the Glass Mountain, I’m your man. If you want me to fight a two-headed giant or get tickets to a Taylor Swift concert, rely on me. But I’m not going anywhere near a fairy ballroom, no way, no how.”

**************

In this kingdom a noble family had lived. The only surviving descendent, Peter, came back from the funeral of his father to meet with the family lawyer, who informed Peter that he had inherited nothing but debt and a castle (a modest bungalow, actually) with four mortgages. Furthermore, most of the valuables in the bungalow had been promised in his father’s will to the one remaining family servant, Hiram, as payment of back wages. Peter owned nothing but the clothes on his back and in his walk-in closet.

He returned home to find Hiram measuring the windows for new drapes. “Hiram, I am so sorry,” Peter said. “We’re broke.”

“Speak for yourself,” Hiram said. “Your father paid me pretty well as long as he had money, and I invested most of it. At this point, I’m not rich, but I’m comfortable.”

“I’m so ashamed,” Peter moaned. “How am I going to face the other guys at the country club?”

Hiram scoffed. “Dump those pretentious losers. You have more important things to worry about.”

“I don’t even know how I’m going to live.” Peter said.

“Well, Peter, I’m going to be generous. I’m offering you a job working for me.”

Peter groaned. “Working for you? I can’t believe how far I have fallen!”

“No need to turn up your nose quite so much,” Hiram sniffed. “Tell you what. So that you won’t feel our new inequality so sharply, we will always dress identically. We’re the same size, and I’ve been borrowing clothes from your closet for years anyway. Though why you have nothing but twenty identical black suits, twenty identical white shirts, fifteen identical black fedoras, and ten identical pairs of black boots, I have no idea.”

“I hate to make decisions.”

“And it will suit your period of mourning. Let’s be off in our identical outfits, then, and seek our fortune. We can use my horses and carriage. You drive.”

Peter thought to ask, “You are going to pay me, aren’t you?”

“A place to sleep, breakfast, and five florins a week. Take it or leave it.”

Peter took it.

***************

The false nobleman and the ersatz servant set out the very next day. They took with them everything of value they could, as the bungalow was sure to be foreclosed on very soon. Peter took the reins of the carriage, staying in the driver’s seat, exposed to rain and wind. Hiram stayed dry in the passenger’s seat. Most of Peter’s wages went to buying dinner, and he skipped lunch entirely. But Hiram treated him fairly and not cruelly.

They traveled through farmland and woodland, village and wasteland, hill and valley, coastland and riverbank and rocky desert. Hiram taught Peter to care for the horses, giving them rest and food in appropriate measure, keeping them dry when possible, brushing and currying their coats, and checking their hoofs, teeth, and overall condition. Peter, who had always left such matters to stable boys, learned quickly after a few early missteps.

“You’re really good with the horses,” he commented.

Hiram answered, “They are too useful to risk treating badly.”

Peter said, “And me? Am I too useful to treat badly?”

“Such talk,” Hiram laughed.

At last they came to the royal palace. Outside the palace was a large sign reading:

ATTENTION ALL UNMARRIED NOBLEMEN OF GOOD CHARACTER

(MINIMUM RANK, COUNT)

THE BEAUTIFUL AND TALENTED

PRINCESS BLUZE

IS AVAILABLE FOR MARRIAGE

TO THE SUITOR WHO MEETS THE CHALLENGE SHE HAS SET
REFERENCES NOT NECESSARY

INQUIRE WITHIN FOR DETAILS

“Doesn’t that sound perfect, Peter?” Hiram asked as they paused before the palace. “It is sure to solve our money problems. Let’s go inside so I can get started claiming my bride.”

“But you’re not really a count. I am,” Peter objected. “I met Princess Bluze at court when we were children. She’s a nice girl, not snooty like so many royals, and she doesn’t deserve to be deceived.”

“We can worry about titles later. I’m sure I’ll be able to buy one if I have a royal dowry in the bank. Come on, let’s get started. And not a word about our real circumstances.”

“I would be too ashamed to admit what happened anyway,” Peter mumbled.

“Excellent.”

With suitable swagger, Hiram presented himself to the chamberlain, adopting a stylish foreign accent. “I am Count Rahim from the Kingdom of Skintistan, and this is my faithful servant Preet. I have come to court the beautiful Princess Bluze, if she will have me, and if the dowry is sufficient.”

“More than sufficient, I think you’ll find,” the chamberlain said, while thinking to himself, If he’s a count, I’m Margaret Dumont. But at this point we’re desperate. That servant Preet, however — I wouldn’t mind seeing more of him around the palace.

King Leonardo and Queen Frederica received Count Rahim and his servant with due ceremony. Princess Bluze herself laid out the challenge: Rahim must accompany her on three successive nights to the fairy ballroom, must stay as long as she chose for them to stay, and must be gracious to the fairies while there.

Count Rahim was visibly taken aback. “The fairy ballroom, you say?”

Tapping the bejeweled fingers of her hands together, the Queen asked, “Any problem with that?”

Hesitating only slightly, Rahim said, “No, no, not at all. Ah — ahem — How is one expected to dress for the ball?”

The Princess said, “It’s a black and white ball, three nights running. What you’re wearing will do fine. It’s also a masked ball, all three nights, and we can help with that.”

“A masked ball? Well, then, I think we can handle that. I mean, I can handle that.”

“Great,” said the King. “We’re finally getting somewhere.”

Princess Bluze said, “Count, your servant looks familiar to me. Has he ever visited our country before?”

“He has one of those faces that people always think they recognize.”

The chamberlain thought, Or that they wish they recognized.

The Princess and Peter looked at each other longer than a princess and a servant should before Peter lowered his eyes. If only I weren’t so poor, I could court her myself, he thought.

“I notice,” said the Queen, leaning forward toward Hiram, “that you and your servant wear the same clothes - modest and plainly styled, but of the finest cloth.”

“Oh yes,” Rahim improvised. “It is the way all men in my country dress, from the humblest to the most exalted. Our laws forbid sumptuous dress.”

“Interesting,” the Queen said, narrowing her eyes.

The King slapped his hands on his knees. “Now that that’s settled, let’s have the Lord Chamberlain lead our guest to the Mask Room to get ready for tonight. Oh, and Count, he’ll also show you and your servant to your quarters.”

**************

As soon as Hiram and Peter were alone in their suite, Hiram said, “Thank Heaven it’s a masked ball. Peter, you’re going in my place.”

“Why? Can’t you do that much to earn the dowry?”

“It’s not that I can’t, but — I’m not a very good dancer. And — fairies — fairies make me nervous.”

Peter rolled his eyes, but the thought of spending the evening with the Princess was tempting, so he agreed. “Fine, but personally, I think you’ll be missing out. Fairies give really good parties.”

With a mask covering his entire face and a hat covering his hair, Peter rode with the Princess to the ball in a royal carriage. He disguised his voice but could not hide his pleasure in the Princess’s company or his attraction to her. They joked and laughed and talked easily.

Bluze confessed, “You know, this afternoon, I didn’t expect to take such a liking to you. I thought you were stiff and artificial. But I suppose it’s just because it was a formal occasion. Now that we’re alone, I realize that I misjudged you.”

“I’m glad that I am making a better impression now, because I like you very much.”

At the fairy ball, Peter hung back a little as the Princess greeted her fairy friends. The music was very loud, the dance floor was very crowded, glitter was flying everywhere, and the lights were dazzling, reflecting off a hundred mirrored spheres hanging from the ceiling. But the fairies were all curious about Peter and asked Bluze, “Hey, doll-face, who’s the new squeeze?”

Peter came forward and met the fairies, greeting them courteously and making sure he got their names right.

“This one’s a keeper,” the fairies said to Bluze. “What does he look like under that mask? And why is he keeping his hat on?”

“I guess he likes a bit of mystery,” she said, shrugging.

The Princess and Peter danced most dances together. “You’re a better dancer than I thought you would be,” the Princess said.

“You make it easy,” Peter said.

They sampled the wine, which was of the highest quality, and the hors d’oeuvres, which were fabulous.

Bluze also danced with the fairies when they all danced a Greek dance in a spiral that filled the room, She was pleased to see that Peter also joined hands and quickly picked up the steps.

As they rode home, she said, “So, dancing with the fairies is not an obstacle for you?”

“I am not afraid of fairies,” Peter said. “Even if I were, why would I let such a trivial concern prevent me from spending the evening in the company of a beautiful lady?”

She blushed. “Same time tomorrow night, then?”

“I look forward to it.”

**************

At the palace, the King and Queen and the chamberlain were waiting up for their daughter and her suitor.

“Did everything go well?” the King inquired.

“Sorry, give me half a sec to talk to my servant,” Peter said, and rushed to the guest suite. Hiram was waiting, fully dressed. Peter pushed the mask and the hat into Hiram’s hands and pulled him out the door, saying “The King and Queen are waiting.”

When they arrived before the King and Queen and Princess, with the chamberlain standing at the King’s side, the Queen said, “Count Rahim, Princess Bluze has been telling us that you two had a marvelous time.”

“Yes, your Majesty,” Hiram said.

“And you really spent the entire evening in the fairy ballroom?”

“Oh, yes, your Majesty.”

“Hm,” the chamberlain said in a tone calculated to catch the King’s attention.

“What is this ‘hm’?” the King asked him.

“Check his pockets,” the chamberlain said.

“Really!” the King said. “I’m not going to insult him by asking to check his pockets.”

“Check his pockets,” the chamberlain insisted.

The King cleared his throat. “Count Rahim, I hope you do not take this amiss, but protocol requires that we check your pockets. Please turn your trouser pockets and jacket pockets inside out.”

Hiram smiled. “I have no idea what your chamberlain may suspect me of, but there is nothing there to see.” He turned all his pockets inside out, and they were all perfectly empty.

The King said to the chamberlain, “There’s nothing there.”

The chamberlain said, “Exactly.”

The King shook his head. “Why do I put up with your nonsense?” To Hiram he said, “Count Rahim, our apologies. We look forward to an equally successful second night.”

“As do I, your Majesty,” Hiram said, bowing and backing away.

The Queen narrowed her eyes as she followed his exit.

*****************

The second night was much like the first. Peter wore his mask and his hat, disguised his voice, and fell more in love with Princess Bluze. The fairies said to her, “We are dying to get a look at his face. But we can already tell that you two are perfect for each other.”

When Peter and the Princess returned to the palace, Peter once again hurried to the guest suite to give Hiram the hat and mask before they met with the King and Queen. The chamberlain again insisted on checking Count Rahim’s pockets, with the same negative result.

As Hiram and Peter prepared to leave the royal family, the chamberlain walked up close behind Peter and said, “Excuse me, on your shoulder, you’ve got a little —” He brushed Peter’s shoulder. “Hm, something — almost sparkly. Sorry to detain you. We should all be in bed.”

*****************

By the third night, the Princess had warmed considerably to the thought of marrying Count Rahim. “This is the third night, so I suppose our wedding will follow in short order, if you still wish to marry me.”

Peter’s heart broke at the thought of Bluze marrying Hiram. “I don’t want to think any farther than tonight,” he said. “Let’s dance and be happy, just tonight.”

This answer puzzled the Princess, who wondered if she had misread his feelings for her.

Once again, the King and Queen and chamberlain greeted them when they arrived at the palace. Once again, Peter excused himself quickly to the guest suite and thrust the mask and hat at Hiram, who rushed back to greet the royal family, Peter trailing behind.

The King was looking very pleased. The Queen was looking dubious.

Once again, the chamberlain urged the King to check Count Rahim’s pockets.

The King was annoyed at this point. “What is this obsession you have with his pockets?”

“Just check them,” the chamberlain said.

Once again, Hiram’s pockets were empty.

“See?” the King said, “There’s nothing there.”

“Exactly,” the chamberlain said.

The King had lost his patience. “Is there some point you are trying to make?”

The chamberlain kept his mild demeanor. “Now check his servant’s pockets.”

“Oh, so now you think the servant is stealing.”

“Just check them.”

Hiram smiled appeasingly. “Your Majesty, I have no objection to Preet emptying his pockets.”

“Let him do it, then,” the Queen said.

The King grumbled and sat back.

“Go ahead,” Hiram said to Peter.

So Peter turned his pockets inside out, and out fell spray after spray of glitter.

“As I suspected, Your Majesty,” the chamberlain said. “If a man sets foot in the fairy ballroom, he can never get all the glitter out of his clothes. Count Rahim’s pockets are impossibly devoid of glitter. He is not the one who accompanied the Princess to the fairy ballroom. It was his servant, if servant he truly is.”

“What are you implying?” Hiram said.

“And you, sir, are no count.”

“They’re onto us, Hiram,” Peter said. “Might as well confess.”

“Easy for you to say. You’re confessing to being a nobleman instead of a servant. I’m confessing to fraud.”

The King was furious. “These two shall be thrown into the dungeon for the rest of their lives. I’ve never heard of such a deceit being perpetrated.”

“Wait, dear,” the Queen said. To Peter she said, “Who are you, really?”

“My name is Peter, not Preet. I am a count, but I am penniless. My family squandered our fortune. This man whom you know as Count Rahim was my servant Hiram, and it is thanks to him that I am here today.”

“And you are the one who went to the fairy ball with our daughter?”

“Yes, I am.”

“Well, then,” the Queen concluded, “you are the one who fulfilled the challenge, and you have the rank of count, so it is you who have won the Princess’s hand in marriage. Do you wish to marry her?”

“With all my heart.”

“And you, Bluze, will you accept this penniless count as your husband?”

“I will,” the Princess said. “And maybe you and Daddy could up the dowry a little bit.”

“Don’t push it,” the King said. “I’m still mad about this.”

The Queen turned to him. “Well then, dear, what do you propose to do with this false Count Rahim?”

“Dungeon,” the King snarled.

“If it please Your Majesty, don’t be harsh with him,” Peter said. “His commitment to telling the truth leaves something to be desired, but he’s really not such a bad fellow, never mean or cruel, and he’s very good with animals.”

“I can’t believe this,” the King said. “Very well, he can work in the stables.”

“Ah well, that’s life,” Hiram said. “Up one day, down the next.”

“And Hiram,” Count Peter said, “I’d be honored if you would be my best man at the wedding.”

“Outrageous,” the King muttered.

Quietly, Peter said to the chamberlain, “I am deep in your debt. How do you know so much about the fairies?”

“Oh, in my position, one hears things,” the chamberlain said.

“Mm-hm,” Peter said.

“My, just look at the time! Goodnight, sir,” the chamberlain said, and hurried off to bed.