The Other Foot - 1. Chapter 1

He slapped me. I couldn’t believe it! What the hell? Who does that?

“You slapped me!” I yelled, unable to get past the shock.

“You’re a goddamn liar!” he accused, his face getting red from the rage.

“I never once lied to you!” I stated firmly, truthfully. I rubbed my stinging cheek.

“A lie by omission is still a lie.”

“Bullshit. You assumed. You saw what you wanted to see.”

“Get out,” he growled.

“Don’t be an ass! I’m sorry. Please, just let me explain.”

“Get out!” he screamed, stepping forward and looking ready to hit me again.

I backed off, more hurt from his words than his slap. “Fine.”

I left his apartment. My head hung and my chest aching, I nearly ploughed right into Dev on my way down the hall.

“Whoa! Killian, what’s up? Why’s your face so red?”

I wiped the last trace of the kiss off my lips. “Ask Sephie.” I coated the moniker with distaste instead of its usual endearment.

I dejectedly stabbed the down button for the elevator. Dev went into his and Sephie’s apartment, looking concerned and confused.

* * *

“I can’t believe Joseph bitch slapped you!” My housemate, Cole, almost doubled over laughing. When he finally calmed down enough to talk, he said, “It serves you right, you know. You should have told him a year ago.”

“How could I? It’s not like it really came up when we were just hanging out in class. Once I started hanging out with him and his friends we got so close so fast… I didn’t realize that it wasn’t obvious until it was too late. It would’ve been so awkward. I never would have fit in with those guys again.”

“Like this is any better?”

I sighed. “I honestly didn’t think he’d get so mad. I guess I put too much stock in the idea that he would accept me, no matter my orientation.”

“Well, I can’t blame the guy for being upset when he first found out. You should have been straight with him before romantic feelings became involved. But if he can’t get over it and holds it against you, then you’re better off without him.”

“Don’t talk like that. He’s one of my best friends! How can he not understand that I can’t help who I fall in love with? We’ll work through this.”

“Hopefully. What’s Vick got to say about all this?”

“I haven’t made that phone call yet.”

“Don’t put it off! This is how you got into this whole mess with Joseph in the first place. Just tell people the truth from the start.”

“Don’t worry, I’ll call Vick.”

I went into my room. I looked at my cell phone. I decided I should catch up on some reading for one of my psych classes first. Otherwise, Vick and I would probably end up talking for so long I wouldn’t have time to get it done. After I’d caught up on both psych classes, I decided I should move on to anthropology since it was no less important. By the time I was done reading, it was pretty late. I’d call Vick tomorrow.

* * *

Sephie sat no where near me in our next class. He refused to speak to me when I approached him at the break. I couldn’t focus the entire lecture. Was he really going to hold this against me? I’d depended on him, more than any of my other friends, to understand me. We were so close, had so much in common, had such a strong connection. He was the last person in the world I thought would treat me this way. I guess I thought wrong.

* * *

I was so hurt and upset that I called Vick and cancelled our next date, blaming a test that I supposedly had to study for. There was no way I could eat and be merry. I knew it was a dick thing to do, but ultimately was the right decision. We’d only officially been a couple for four days. Being miserable and explaining the big drama about me and another guy was probably not a great way to build the relationship. I really wanted that date, but Vick and I would have a much better time when I could focus on us and not Sephie.

* * *

After days of not hearing a word from Sephie or any of our mutual friends, finally Dev sent me a text.

“WTF dude? Ur straight?!”

I texted back, “Yes. Is Sephie still mad?”

“Ya.”

Great, thanks for the details, Dev.

I texted, “I really wanna talk. Can I come over?”

“L8er. When S is gone.”

I really wanted to talk to Sephie directly, but I would take what I could get and talk to Dev first. I would go through Sephie’s housemate and as many of his friends as I had to in order to get the chance to try and work it out face to face.

* * *

“So why did Joseph think you’re gay?” Vick asked.

We were having our make up date. It was going remarkably well. After we’d had a delicious Thai dinner filled with fun, flirty conversation, we came back to my apartment. I’d made her a lifesaver martini – which she loved – and we’d sat down on the couch together, my arm around her shoulders. The relationship was so new I still got shivers of excitement when she laughed in that wholehearted way or squeezed my thigh as we talked.

Cole had walked through the living room and stopped to say a quick hi, after which he’d asked if I’d heard anything from Joseph after talking to Dev. No doubt Cole had intended to make Vick curious what we were talking about and nudge me into telling her about Sephie. I’d reluctantly fallen prey to his plan and began filling her in.

“He thought I was gay because I never told him I wasn’t,” I answered. I tried to explain the difficult situation as best I could. “We got along really well as soon as we met. I thought he might be gay, but I wasn’t really sure. When I realized he was and he introduced me to his housemate and close friends and they all were too, I didn’t care.

“My aunt is a lesbian and has been with the same partner for twenty years. Growing up, I was constantly talked to about same sex couples and exposed to a lot a gay culture. I’ve been going to pride parades since I was five. Half of my dad’s cases are connected to fighting for gay rights in one way or another. And I had gay friends in high school. So I guess when I just seamlessly fit in with Sephie and his friends, they all assumed that I must be gay.”

“For a whole year?” Vick questioned. As she leaned into me I noted that she smelled so good, some sort of light, fruity scent. Maybe it was the hair gel in her cute pixie cut, or some kind of body butter.

She continued, “How come you never told them? How did they not find out?”

I gave a small shrug. “I just kinda went with it. Once I realized I’d been accepted into the group under the assumption that I was gay, I was afraid if I told them I wasn’t they would see me differently, treat me differently, that it could break up our friendships. I didn’t want that. I never pretended to date guys or anything. I simply never talked about liking anyone, never talked about dating. They just assumed I was really shy, or had one foot still in the closet, or wasn’t interested.”

“Except Joseph thought you might be interested in him?”

“I honestly didn’t realize his feelings had gotten that strong for me. When you and I started going out, I realized I finally had to tell the guys. I wanted to do Sephie the honour of telling him first, and I thought he’d be the easiest to talk to. I called him and said I wanted to get together, just the two of us, and that I had something important to tell him. I guess he took my phrasing as a sign that I liked him and wanted to confess my feelings. When I went over there, he told me he was in love with me and kissed me.”

“Oh,” Vick said sympathetically. “The poor guy. What did you do?”

“I backed the hell away, until I hit the wall. I told him I was sorry, but I came over to tell him that I was–” I stopped myself just in time, before I admitted that I’d told Sephie I’d fallen in love with Vick at first sight. I wasn’t so stupid that I was going to tell her that after we’d only been dating a week. “–that I’d started dating the girl we’d met at the university’s So You Think You Can Dance competition.” She was an amazing dancer. She was so fluid, so strong, so sexy, I hadn’t been able to keep my eyes off her the whole night. “He slapped me, called me a liar, and kicked me out before I could explain any further.”

“He slapped you? That’s really harsh.” She leaned forward to put her empty martini glass on the coffee table. When she sat back, she folded her bare legs beside her on the couch, carefully tucking her short skirt around her cute bum. “I can understand he was hurt – no one likes rejection – but I don’t think you did anything wrong. Gay guys can stay in the closest around their straight friends for years before coming out, if ever. Your roles are reversed, but this is no different. After having to come out to his own friends and family, you’d think Joseph would have a little more empathy for your situation.”

I smiled and hugged my arm around her tighter. “Exactly what I thought.”

I couldn’t believe she wasn’t mad or completely weirded out. She had reacted perfectly, sympathetic to my friend but clearly on my side. No wonder I was in love with her.

* * *

After talking with Dev a couple of times, I was finally getting some understanding. I met Dev, Nicky, and Luke at our usual breakfast restaurant on Sunday. Sephie had refused to join us.

It was a little awkward at first, saying hi and ordering our breakfasts from the server covered in rainbow flair like there wasn’t this looming topic hovering over our heads. Finally Nicky said, “Okay, we might as well talk about it. So Killian’s straight. Who would’ve thought?”

“Honestly guys, I didn’t mean to hide it at first. When I realized what had happened, I was surprised nobody had picked up on the signs.”

“Because you were so obvious,” Luke said in a light sarcastic tone, not trying to be insulting. “All those girls you chased and dated.”

“I spend most of my free time hanging out with you guys! It’s not exactly a great way to pick up chicks.”

“We have straight girl friends,” Nicky pointed out. “What about Mischa? Or Kate? Or Jaime?”

“Did you never notice me flirting with them?” I asked.

They paused in thought.

“To be fair, we all flirt with them,” Dev said. “But it’s just friend-flirting. I guess we never thought you were serious.”

“I also never went on a date with a guy. And I never went to clubs with you.”

“We believed you when you said you were studying,” Luke said. “I guess that was naïve. Who does school work on weekend nights?”

“I actually do,” I answered. “I like having the apartment to myself when Cole goes out. It’s nice and quiet. Between my brother and sister and parents, I never got the house to myself at home. I’ve never gone to a club with my straight friends either.”

“You know, now that I think about all the specific activities you join in on and skip out on, this does all kind of make sense,” Nicky mused. “This is really weird, having the shoe on the other foot.”

“I know!” Dev agreed. “It kind of gives you a better understanding of what we put people through, doesn’t it?”

“No kidding,” Luke said. “How does it feel on your side, Killian?”

“I’m just glad you guys are handling it better than Sephie.” I sighed and stared into my coffee. “I have to make things okay with him again. I don’t understand where all his hostility is coming from.”

Dev put a reassuring hand on my shoulder. “Just give him time. He might still come around. He’s acting madder than he is because he’s heartbroken.”

“I didn’t mean to hurt him!” I impressed. “Can you please tell him that?”

“We’ll try,” Dev assured me.

* * *

The moment Sephie finally agreed to talk to me, I ran out the door to get to his apartment as fast as I could. I knocked on his door instead of walking in as I usually would. He opened it wearing a solemn expression.

“Hey, Josephie,” I greeted him gently. “How are you?”

He turned around and walked away from the door.

“Aw, c’mon, don’t be like that.” I walked in and shut the door behind me.

“Just say whatever you came here to say,” Sephie said flatly, turning to face me and crossing his arms.

“I miss you, man. I’ve said I’m sorry and I’ll say it again. I’m sorry, okay? How can we move past this?”

“I don’t think we can.”

“How is that fair?” I asked, stepping closer to him. “You never shut out Luke when you found out about his furry fetish. You never shut out Nicky when you found out he got the clap from that dancer. Why is my secret so much worse than those?”

Sephie threw his hands in the air in exasperation. “Because you kept it for no reason! What kind of sick amusement were you getting? Why would you lead me on?”

“I didn’t mean to lead you on!” I said apologetically. “I thought we were just good friends. And I kept the secret for a damn good reason! I was afraid of this, that you wouldn’t accept me!” I stepped closer and put my hands on his shoulders. “I’m sorry you’re hurt because I rejected you. I’d understand if that’s all it was.” I looked him squarely in the eye. “But you’re unfairly holding everything against me just because I’m straight.”

Sephie scowled and twisted his shoulders out of my grip. “I thought we were good friends too. Apparently, you’re not even close to the person I thought you were.”

I let out a huff of frustration. “You’re such a fucking hypocrite!” I yelled, pacing away from him. I spun around and advanced on him again. “All you ever do is talk about how you want acceptance and how the straight world shouldn’t judge you for your orientation, but when you find out I’m not like you, you shun me! You guys say a lot of bigoted shit about ‘breeders’ doing this and ‘egg packers’ doing that, and I’ve never gotten pissed off or offended about it. Yet you freak when you hear someone jokingly say, ‘Oh that’s so gay.’ Tolerance goes both ways!

“I’m your model-perfect straight guy! I don’t have an ounce of homophobia! I treat you exactly the same as my other friends. You can’t threaten my sexuality! I don’t give a crap about your taste in clothes or movies or career or about sharing a locker room with you. What more could you want from me?”

He shook his head and rubbed his eyes. “You know what I want.”

I closed my eyes and ran my hand through my hair. “Sephie, you know I can’t give that to you.”

He bit his lower lip and looked up to the ceiling, his hands on his hips. “It just doesn’t make any sense! You like musicals! You can cook! You have good style! You wear pink! You colour your hair! You do yoga! You call me ‘Sephie!’”

I stared at him. “You know none of that makes me gay.”

“But I am and I have all the same traits! That’s why we get along so well. Kil, you’ve watched all sorts of guy on guy action in movies with us and never so much as twitched.”

I gave him a dismissive look. “Like you’ve never watched straight people hook up in movies! Guy on guy stuff doesn’t bother me because it’s not new or shocking. You know what my home life was like, growing up with gay friends and family members.”

He shook his head and looked away from me, not willing to accept my testimony.

I racked my brain for anything helpful to say. “If it makes you feel any better, why don’t we just say I’m gay in theory but not in practice?” I forced myself to smile, trying to get him to show me any positive emotion.

“Are you sure?” Sephie questioned, searching my eyes. “Have you ever opened your mind to the possibility that the reason why you accept gay culture so easily is because you belong in it?”

Why was this so hard for him to let go?

“I’m sorry, Sephie,” I said as straightforwardly and honestly as I could. “I like girls.” I put a reassuring hand on his arm. “I love you, but I’m in love with Vick.”

Even that wasn’t enough.

He scoffed. “Vick. As if she isn’t just a substitute for a guy!”

“Hey!” I snapped, feeling a twinge of anger for the first time in the conversation.

“Look at her!” Sephie implored. “Short hair, flat chest. She barely even wears make-up.”

I glared at him. “Uh, yeah, she also wears skirts ninety percent of the time, has killer legs and a killer ass, and – oh yeah – she has a vagina!”

“It’s denial, Killian! Ever heard of it?”

“Jesus!” I spun away from him again, pulling at my hair. I turned back and gestured with my fingers tensed into hooks. “What can I do to convince you? What proof do you need that I’m not into guys?”

Sephie looked straight at me and considered my question.

Finally, he answered, “Kiss me.”

“What?” I asked sharply.

“Kiss me! There’s no way you’ll be able to say you hate it.”

I pursed my brows in disbelief. “No! I have a girlfriend! I’ve already let you kiss me once!”

“You never tried kissing me back.” He stepped forward and put his hand on the side of my neck, brushing his thumb over my jaw. He said gently, “What we have between us, it’ll spark. You’ll feel it. I know.”

I searched his expression, taking in the utter conviction with which he spoke. He truly believed this would work.

I sighed deeply, knowing this was a bad idea.

“There’s absolutely no other way?” I asked.

He slowly shook his head. He looked at me with wide, puppy dog eyes and I just couldn’t say no.

“Fine. One kiss. And you have to accept what I say about it after.”

“Okay,” Sephie promised.

We stood still and silent for a minute, not exactly sure what indicated the start of the kissing moment. I figured he was waiting for me to make the first move, so I stepped closer. His hand was still on the side of my jaw and he moved it down to the curve of my shoulder and neck, then kept completely still. I tilted my head just a bit and hovered with our mouths only inches apart, staring into his eyes and feeling his shallow breaths on my lips.

This was so weird. I’d never imagined myself kissing another guy to prove I wasn’t gay. He was too tall. I was used to bending over to kiss girls. Anxiety was making my palms sweat. I finally mustered the courage to close my eyes and that final little gap between our lips.

Yeah, okay, so just still lips pressed against still lips wasn’t much more than what had happened before. I forced myself to engage in the kiss a little more. I could feel the day old stubble around his mouth, which was really weird. As soon as I started to open my mouth, Sephie took it as permission to begin kissing me back with more enthusiasm.

Whoa, that was definitely guy tongue in my mouth. I instinctively tensed but forced myself not to pull away from him. If I broke the kiss too soon, I knew he would accuse me of not giving him a proper chance. I tried to force myself to relax. It was awkward the way we were standing, my arms hung limply at my sides. After a couple moments, I had to concede that guy tongue really wasn’t all that different from girl tongue.

As the kiss progressed, it began to feel a less awkward. We established a bit of a cadence. Sephie put his free hand on my lower back and began gently kneading my skin with his fingers. I held my hands out at my sides, not entirely sure how to respond. I gradually relaxed again and placed one hand on his shoulder, the other on his side. He tightened his grip, pulling us closer together.

It felt more natural to kiss him with our bodies pressed together, but the hardness and broadness of his torso felt decidedly unnatural. All that muscle pressed up against me was definitely not what I was used to. Sephie kissed me deeper, really putting some passion into it now. Oh God – his muscles were not the only thing hard and pressing against me.

I squeezed my eyes shut tighter and forced myself to endure, focusing back on the kiss and not on his body. He was a very confident kisser and probably more skilled than me. Actually, the kiss on its own really wasn’t that bad. That was the realization that made me tone down my contribution, pulling back just the slightest bit to let him know I was ready for the kiss to end.

He gripped my back tighter for just a moment before pulling back too. The kiss slowed in rhythm and we retracted our tongues, ending with a final, long, slow press of our lips together. Sephie shifted his weight to one side and hugged me tightly, putting his chin over my shoulder. I hugged him back, glad for the still silence to think of what I was going to tell him.

“Well?” he finally asked, not moving.

I started to let my arms drop away from him and step back, but he continued to cling to me. He lifted his chin and then rested his forehead on top of my shoulder.

“I’m afraid to look at you,” he said, sounding embarrassed. “Just tell me.”

I put a hand on his back. I took in a shaky breath. He’d been right.

“I didn’t hate it.”

* * *

I told Vick what had happened.

“I can’t believe him!” she exclaimed. “He has some nerve kissing someone else’s boyfriend, twice!”

“I’m sorry. I know it’s technically cheating and–”

She cut me off, still mad at Sephie, not me. “Is he trying to force me to fight to keep you? As if he could win!”

“I don’t think that’s–”

She didn’t let me finish again. She grabbed me by the shirt, dragged me into my bedroom, and shoved me down on the bed. She pulled her shirt off and straddled me, her skirt pooling out over my hips, looking incredibly sexy in a little black lacy bra.

I stopped resisting or trying to contradict her.

She leaned forward and kissed me, her hands roaming over my body, pulling at my clothing. Soon I was naked and she was wearing nothing but the knee length plaid skirt. She was so hot, so sexy, so warm and wet around my fingers, so sweet tasting in my mouth. As Vick sat atop me, riding me hard, my hands and lips roaming over her smooth skin, her soft curves, her petite body, I realized something vital.

The kiss with Sephie, yes, I hadn’t hated it. It hadn’t been awful and as awkward as I’d been expecting. It also hadn’t been amazing. The spark, the heat, the passion that he felt, it just hadn’t been there for me. I’d been expecting to absolutely hate kissing another guy because for me, that was just wrong. In truth, because Sephie was my friend and I was comfortable with him, the kiss had been neutral. I should have expected that, not gotten freaked out about it, wondering whether it meant that if I gave it a few more chances I’d end up liking it.

I guess I shouldn’t have been so high and mighty about being model-perfect after all. It turned out my sexuality could be threatened just like any other straight guy. It could also be reaffirmed. As I lay there spooned up against Vick’s back, loving the way her petite body fit into mine, I knew for certain that she was the one who ignited my spark, my heat, my undying passion.

* * *

I’d seen that look on Sephie’s face before. Now I knew what it meant. He was in love.

When we got a moment alone I asked him, “So who’s the new guy?”

“What new guy?” he asked.

“The one who’s making your face light up every time you think about him.”

Sephie grinned. “How could you tell?”

“I know you, man. So who is it?”

“Oh, Kil, it’s been like a freaking fairy tale! I met him at Pride.”

“So that’s where you disappeared to!” We had all gone to the parade a couple weeks before, Dev, Luke, Nicky, Sephie, Vick, and I, all wearing a different coloured t-shirt so when we stood together we made a rainbow.

“It’s not like you think. We didn’t hook up. We just talked and hung out a bit. His name’s Kyle. He’s so cool, and so hot. We’ve gotten together for a few dates since then and talked almost every night.”

“That’s so awesome, Sephie!” I gave him a big hug. “I’m so happy for you!”

“Yeah, I want to introduce him to all you guys. What are you and Vick doing this weekend? Do you have time for a double date?”

“Just the four of us?”

“Yeah. I want to ease him into the group slowly. Sometimes being introduced into a whole crowd at once can be overwhelming.”

“That’s true. Of course we’re available.”

Sephie grinned again. “Yay! I really wanted him to meet you two first.”

“Really? Thanks, Seph. I’m honoured.”

“Well, you are my best friend. And now that Vick’s actually got you going out on weekends, you’re a pretty fun couple to hang out with.”

I hugged him again and he kissed my cheek. I ruffled his hair before releasing him.

“C’mon, let’s tell everyone else your big news.”