The Christmas List - 1. Chapter 1 - A Beacon of Light

I couldn't believe he had done it. I simply could not fathom what he had done; it was so rattling. My stomach still feels weak, even now. He made me feel worthless by doing what he did, especially because he didn't even tell me in person! Well you know what? I was going to do it anyway! I just hadn't expected him to do it first... and how could he do it through a text message?! What kind of heartless piece of trash does that to somebody? My EX-boyfriend, apparently.

I met Nick in July. I suppose it was destined to stay a summer fling; summer relationships don't seem to last anymore, but what relationships really do last very long in your teen and early adult years? A mutual friend had introduced us. He had seen my picture on Facebook and told our friend that he thought I was cute, and so she tried her best to set us up after telling me about him and letting him know I was interested. Eventually, we started dating. Life was rainbows and butterflies to me at the time. I had my first boyfriend, he told me he loved me, he gave me my first kiss, and he seemed to care about me and my life, but it was a delusion. I was an object to him. He was selfish, and he didn't truly care about my life. The real testament to this is the amount of times he tried to get me to have sex with him. I loved him, but after a while, I knew it wasn't right. Then, suddenly, he stopped talking to me as much as he used to. He began to only communicate by text, and once every week or so at that.

The end-all for me, though, was when he forgot my birthday. As it drew nearer towards the end of summer, I had reminded him a few times, and I had told him about the little party I was planning, and how I wanted him to be there. When the day of the party came, Nick was nowhere to be found. He didn't show up, he didn't call, he didn't text – he didn't do anything. He ruined my party simply by not being there. Then, the day of my actual birthday came and went, still with no acknowledgement from Nick. Finally, he texted me the day after my birthday and asked me if I wanted to talk.

“I guess. I just got a new phone, so I'm still trying to figure out how to call people.” I said.

“When'd you get it?”

“On my birthday.” I responded coldly.

“Okay, cool. Want to video chat later?” He texted back. I was appalled. How could he not even acknowledge that at all? I told him directly that it had been my birthday, and he didn't even care.

After a small argument, in which many lame excuses were given on his part, and me still mad at him, he simply texted me back and said that “It's not going to work. I guess we can still be friends, but we probably won't.”

At that point, though, I really didn't have any feelings towards him anymore anyway. I think I was just torn up at the fact that it was the first time I had ever been broken up with, or maybe it was just that I was so upset at how he had treated me. He had made me feel so insignificant.

I licked my wounds and after some time, I didn't feel so empty inside anymore. I told myself that I was worth something, and that one day I would find somebody who would treat me with the respect that I deserved. I just had to have a little faith – a little faith, and a lot of hope. The heavens above must have been feeling merciful, though, because one day my life suddenly seemed a little brighter.

I had seen Andrew around school before – I just had never really taken notice of him besides thinking a “he's so cute” or two. We never really talked though, mainly because he was a freshman. We were just in different social circles; sophomores didn't interact with freshmen all that often. In fact, none of the upperclassmen really associated with freshmen. Of course there was no 'stay away' or 'beware' labeling that they received – it's just that they didn't generally know the school or anyone but other freshmen. Typically the only way freshmen befriended upperclassmen was through extracurricular activities, and that was how I really got to meet Andrew for the first time.

I had been in the drama program at our school for two years. It was a motley group of actors, but together we were able to pull off some incredible shows last year. I had been an actor in many plays in my life, and I knew how the stage worked. I loved acting; it was an outlet for my emotions, and it helped inspire confidence in me as I continued with it, but most importantly, it taught me that the show must go on - which was an invaluable lesson to learn.

The first day of drama was towards the tail end of Autumn. The leaves were already well into their transformation from brilliant green hues to the array of color commonly associated with the seasonal change. I walked through the familiar doors into the theater room, out of the nippy fall air outside, and said a warm hello to my drama teacher and to all of the faces I recognized from the year before. There was a face there I was a little surprised to see though: Andrew's. I smiled politely at him, happy to see a new face in the drama room, and perhaps even secretly excited that I'd get to see such a cute guy every day after school. Then, I turned and found a seat next to my friend Charlotte.

“Hey Charlotte! How are you?” I asked enthusiastically, looking around the room and reminiscing while waiting for her answer. There were some good memories here. I remember the time Mr. Strathy tripped backstage and grabbed onto a leg, tearing it down in the process. It was hysterical! Maybe not to him, but to us it was! Thank God it was only during a dress rehearsal and not during an actual performance!

“Hayden! Hey!” she said. I laughed and she smiled and gave me a hug. “I'm okay. I'm just stressed out about whether or not we'll be able to pull this play off this year. We don't have as many people as we did last year.”

“Well, at least we have some new faces.”

“Yeah, but I don't know if it'll be enough.” she said, sighing slightly.

Mr. Strathy called us all to order, and Charlotte shrugged and sat back to listen quietly. He explained which play we would be performing for our winter show, for those of us that hadn't already known, and when auditions would be held. We would be performing a play called 'The Christmas List,' and I was really looking forward to it! I was planning on auditioning for the part of Jimmy, a boy who writes a letter to Santa asking for only one thing: for his mom, who was diagnosed with cancer, to survive through one more Christmas.

Charlotte stood up after our meeting was over and waited for me to follow her. I gathered all of my things together and started walking towards the door with her, when I realized I had left my jacket on the coatrack backstage.

"Hey Charlotte, I'll catch up with you later! I left my jacket in the back." I said. She nodded and waved as I ran past her and Mr. Strathy to get it.

Once I had gotten my jacket, I started walking out of the theater again as some of the stragglers were leaving. Andrew trotted up next to me and said hello. I suppose he didn't really know anyone else in drama; he maybe had one good friend in our group. He and I weren't really friends, but we were at least acquaintances. We knew each other somewhat from the halls, and he had been just a grade below me in middle school too, and I remember him from then. He smiled and we talked for a few seconds before he saw his friend and ran off to join her. For a freshman, he was.... nice.