Right Up Until The Very End - 1. Right Up Until The Very End

I opened the door to the cabin and it was dark since no lights were on. Then again, why should there be? This cabin was no longer being used. It used to be a small chalet where skiers would stop to warm up, however, it had gone unused after the renovation of the ski lifts a few years back. I had been here a few times when I was younger with my family, and for that I was grateful. Had I not remembered about this cabin’s location, James would certainly have frozen to death.

We were already feeling cold from the unforgiving blizzard. It came in strong, and it was clear it would not relent. The blizzard made it impossible to clearly see, let alone know where we were truly going. We were confused as a result, and almost certainly were in the wrong direction from where we were trying to go. We didn’t know where we were headed. All we knew was that the best thing we could do was head down the hill.

We were already tired from a full day of skiing, and sunset was now upon us. At least I think the sun was setting; we couldn’t be certain considering the current weather. It was then that James had the fortune of also taking an unrequested swim in a stream that had yet to properly freeze over. He was soaked from head to toe, and with the temperature well below the freezing level, it wouldn’t be much longer before James went into hypothermia.

I had done something similar when I was about five, although back then the sky was clear and I had my parents with me. I remember how cold I felt from being soaked. My father led us to the nearest building to warm up and get me out of my wet clothing. When James fell into that stream, it was practically in the same spot where I did all those years ago. It was because of that, that it dawned on me how far away from shelter we really were.

I helped James towards the far side of the room and placed him down near the fireplace. I knew I would have to go back out into the elements and collect some of the fire logs that I had seen buried by the building in order to get a fire going, but first, I knew I had to remove James’ wet clothing.

“Hold on James,” I pleaded as I whispered softly.

“Adam… s-s-o… cold,” James managed to utter with a clearly faint voice.

By now he was already entering hypothermia. He was cold to touch and his words were getting harder to understand. I began removing James’ wet clothing, one item at a time. His coat was the first to go, and then his ski pants. I removed his sweater, and then his top, before moving to the lower articles of his body.

I would be lying if I didn’t admit that less honorable thoughts entered my mind. I can also honestly say that I shoved them aside as quickly as they entered. I unbuttoned his pants and slipped them off while taking away his socks in the process, until only his underwear remained. I pondered leaving them on out of respect towards James, but knew because they were also wet, that they too would have to be removed.

“Sorry to do this, but I must,” I whispered as I curled my finders under the elastic at the side of his hips. As I glided his wet underwear down, I could have sworn James arched himself up to help me remove them, and although my hands were working on removing his underpants, my eyes completely vandalized the site of his organ that was clearly out on display now, thanks to me.

I couldn’t help but study his body, it had developed more since the last time I saw it. We were kids then, and we were learning about our bodies. It was a time when things were a lot less complex in life, the emotional aspect of seeing someone else naked wasn’t a factor yet.

As much as I wanted to run down memory lane, I shook those thoughts away as my main focus was clearly fading. That sent a panic throughout my body as James, my best friend, was freezing to death, and I was his only chance at survival. I removed my coat and placed it around his upper body. It wouldn’t offer much, but until got the fireplace started it would be better then him being openly naked.

I couldn’t really see in here as night was clearly setting in. What little light I did have actually came from the reflection of the snow from the windows. I went to the cupboards that were located on the right when you first entered the building.

I searched the cupboards and to my disappointment, I did not find any candles. I did manage to find a flashlight that had batteries still in it. I tried turning on the flashlight and found that it did still work, if only with a light that made it clear that the batteries wouldn’t last long.

I didn’t waste any time searching the rest of the building. I found a closet with two heavy blankets and only three matches. I didn’t even know if they would, work but for James’ sake, I prayed they would.

I rushed back to James’ side, immediately placing a blanket on the ground before rolling him onto it. His teeth were chattering to no end, and I could now tell by what little light I had from the flashlight, that his lips were already tuning blue. I placed the second blanket on him hoping it would stop his temperature from declining any further.

“Just hang on,” I begged as tears started to well up in my eyes. Fear had begun to envelope me. Fear of losing the one person I love more than life itself. Sure he had no clue as to how deep my feeling ran for him, but I already knew his heart belonged to the ladies, so there was no point in ruining our friendship by telling him otherwise. I shook my fears aside just long enough to remember that I hadn’t started the fireplace yet.

“I'll be right back James, I have to get wood to start a fire,” I whispered to him, which I received a reply that pained me to even dare leave him.

I put my coat on and went to the door. I looked back towards James and he actually looked peaceful. An illusion I knew, but it only made my heart race again when I knew timing was not on his side. I exited the building and turned to my left. I had seen the logs against the building on our way in, and that was helpful since I wouldn’t have to waste time searching for them. I picked up an arm full, and made my way back inside. I placed the logs by the fireplace before making two more quick rounds. Once I was content with the quantity I had, I filled the fireplace up.

I grabbed the matches which I found in the cupboard and used the brickwork to scrape the end of the match to light it. The first one broke on me which upset me to no end. I couldn’t afford to make mistakes, for if I made another one James would be the one to pay the price.

The second one lit without fail, and I placed it in the fireplace to start the fire. There was only one major flaw. The bark was damp from the snow and I did not have any kindling to start the fire. The match ran out and once again I was out done.

My heart started racing and my mind began to panic. I didn’t know what to do at this point. I began searching for options, I even considered burning one of the blankets to start the fire. What I settled on, was using my own clothing that wasn’t wet. I began to strip down taking off each article, practically ripping them in the process.

I shoved my t-shirt and underwear into the fireplace to use them to start the fire. I now only had to hope I didn’t break the third and final match. I crossed my fingers on my left hand and struck the match with my right. It didn’t work, nor did it break. So I rolled it over and tried the other side. This time, the match lit and I wasted no time lighting my clothing on fire.

I couldn’t help but find humor in burning my own clothing, especially the articles that were closest to my body. It was only then that it dawned on me that I was now naked. It was that moment that modesty took over me and I was about to dress myself when it dawned on me that this wasn’t the first time I was without clothes on around James, nor was he even aware that I was naked right now.

I remembered the first time James and I changed together, it was when I was starting to discover that my interest in James went beyond the level of friendship. It was rather embarrassing, we were swimming and decided that we had had enough. We went to get changed, and dropped our bathing suits to the ground. Normally neither one of us would pay much heed to the other as we were used to changing in front of each other often enough.

This time though, James decided to point out that he had reached the age where he was developing pubic hair. Of course he was so proud of it, that he decided to make certain to show me his new body hairs that were growing. I think he was more proud that he had reached this that stage of life before me, even if I wasn’t very far behind him.

“So what does pubic hair feel like,” I had the nerve to ask him.

“It feels great Adam, like I’m a man now. I’m sure you will be joining me soon enough, so don’t worry too much about it. Say, want to feel them?”

I didn’t say a word; I just reached out and rubbed my finger across the top of where his pubic hairs were. It wasn’t like we hadn’t compared our penis sizes before. I knew others who had done it before, and James and I were no different.

This time however, it caused my penis to begin to swell up. That was because, for the first time in my life, I wasn’t comparing James to myself. I was enjoying James, and what he had to offer me. That was the moment it became clear to me that I wasn’t as interested in girls as much as I perhaps should have been.

The wood in the fireplace brought me back to my senses at that point when one of the logs snapped and alerted me that the fire was raging now. I knew from what I read that the fire would not be warm enough to save James. I knew I had to do more. He would require body heat, and so I did what I was told to do if ever I found myself in this situation. I climbed under the blankets with him.

I think it was instinct that took over at that moment, for without thought, I wrapped my body around James, holding him with his back pressed into my stomach. He was shivering and cold. When I felt how cold his body was I nearly jumped. Not because of the initial shock of a cold touch, but rather because when we had a sleepover, I was always the one with the cold feet. That made me latch onto him even more. I wrapped one leg over his legs and started rubbing his chest with my left hand to try to add to his body warmth.

His reaction surprised me. He shoved his hips into me in an attempt to absorb the heat I was providing him. It caused me to jump as it placed my organ right between his cheeks, causing a totally unprovoked swelling to occur. Panic actually overwhelmed me then, but fear kept me from moving. For a moment I allowed myself to pretend that we belonged together.

That caused me to frown as I realized what I was doing. I became disgusted with myself and for just cause. My best friend needed me now, and here I was getting all aroused and practically taking advantage of the situation. It certainly wasn’t the first time I had impure thoughts about my best friend when he was hurt. I guess it was because James was barely conscious and was completely vulnerable to me right now, and that is what made me feel disgusted.

I remember the last time James got hurt. It was nothing like this time though. We were out goofing around when he slipped and sprained his ankle. I held him in an embrace to help keep him steady, but I got a little frustrated with how long it was taking us to get to his place. It wasn’t far, but he wasn’t in any position to allow any pressure to be placed on his ankle, so I did the only thing I could do. I picked him up and carried him in my arms.

“Do you have any idea how embarrassing this is,” he stated.

I just laughed at him, it didn’t take much to figure out what he meant. As we approached his front door, I decided to make a smart-assed remark as I suckered him into opening the door without me putting him down.

“Well honey, it’s official. I’m carrying you over the threshhold. Can we maybe consummate our marriage now?”

“Not until I see a ring on my finger, you dork,” James rolled his eyes at me by this point.

“I think that can be arranged,” I joked as I entered his room and placed him gently on his bed.

“Hey I’m not being the bitch in this relationship. Besides, I think you would make a much better woman Adam.”

He was taunting me and it worked. I grabbed his pillow and smacked his face with it. We both started laughing. That made me smile for a moment remembering that point in our lives.

“Who’s being the woman now?” I jokingly whispered as if James was alert and sharing the memory with me.

It was in that moment that it hit me like a like a ton of bricks. James was no longer moving, no longer trembling, and his body was still quite cold.

“James… James?” I cried out trying to stir his movements. “Don’t leave me James. I can’t bear losing you,” I begged him as tears started streaming down my face.

My pleading went of course unanswered and despite how cold he was I pulled him in the tightest of embraces that I could. I didn’t care if our bodies were pressed together and naked. All that mattered was I needed James to be alright. I began to rub his belly and chest to try to create a light friction to develop warmth.

The fireplace was clearly warming up the room and other then the crackling sounds coming from the fireplace, my whimpers were the only sounds that could be heard. I knew that very shortly I needed to add more logs to the fireplace to keep it going through out the night, but it pained me very much to move from the spot I was currently in.

I did manage to break myself away from James for a whole minute while I shoved as many logs as I could to keep a good fire going for sometime. When I returned to James, he was laying on his back. I once again lay on his left side, away from the fireplace so that the heat would hit him before me, adding extra warmth.

I once again wrapped myself around him making certain the blankets were tightly around us. I wrapped my left leg over his thigh and my arm tucked under the right side of his shoulder. That was of course, before I made certain his right arm was placed on my back insulating him holding onto me.

“I’m in love you James,” I whispered as I leaned over him at that moment and gently kissed his lips. I don’t know why I said it, or what compelled me to kiss him at that moment, but rather then dwelling on it, I placed my head on his chest so that I could hear his heart beat.

Hearing his heart beating calmed me down in a way I never thought would. It suddenly dawned on me that I had always fantasized about what it would be like to lay naked in an embrace with James. I didn’t know what would happen in the morning or if James was truly going to be alright, but for the moment, nature seemed to be working it’s magic to calm me down.

I calmed down enough that I dozsed off and started dreaming about James and me, older and living in a house together. We were both happy and of course, we were in love. Perhaps it was being so close to James that provided a few intense and very erotic dreams.

Dreams can really draw out very intense emotions from you. As the dreams played out, one moment had James and me talking. He was a bit distant though, and I wasn’t certain at that moment why.

“I have to go now Adam,” he stated, almost as if his heart had broken.

“No, you can’t,” I blurted out understanding that he was leaving me here alone. ”I need you here with me.”

“It’s my time Adam, I have to.”

“Please don’t go,” I cried out as I desperately, trying to grab onto him. Of course by now, he was gone, and I collapsed to my knees.

“Don’t worry Adam, I’ll be watching over you, right up until the very end,” a voice said distantly, as James was speaking to me in the dark.

It was enough to jolt me awake and as I opened my eyes, I saw James staring back at me. It was as if he was trying to figure out a puzzle that he was determined to solve. I was so upset thinking that I almost had to say goodbye and would never see him again, that I wrapped my arms around him and squeezed him as tight as I could. I only released my grasp when I realized he was gasping for air.

“Don’t you ever leave me,” is what blurted out of my mouth in a desperate desire to express my emotions.

“I love you too, silly,” James replied, still trying to regaining his breath.

“You do?” I found myself blurting out in disbelief.

“Of course I do, you’re my best friend. After all, do you really think I would let any other guy get as close to me as you have?” he stated more as a comment, then a question.

A puzzled expression appeared upon my face at that moment as I was uncertain what he meant by that. James however, cleared up my confusion once he saw that I didn’t understand what he meant.

“Just don’t let it get to your head, like you did last night buddy,” he softly spoke as he leaned in and placed a soft kiss upon my lips before forcing himself up.

I don’t know how long I remained there, frozen in time like I did; I was totally taken aback, replaying the recent events that had just taken place before me. In the end though, one thing became crystal clear to me. That was, of course, the realization that whatever happened in our lives, I was certain that James and I would always be there for each other, right up until the very end.

© 2006 Bardeara