A Gathering Gloom - 1. Chapter 1

Beep, beep, beep. With a groan, Nick sleepily silenced the alarm and rolled over. Damn, but 6:15 rolled around way too quickly. Though he had gone to bed early and slept soundly through the night, he didn’t feel at all rested. He didn’t want to get up at all. However, if he stayed in bed he’d have to contend with his aunt and uncle who would sit him down for a long chat. Then, the school counselor and his therapist would be called and he would have to spend time with each of them in turn, listening to their nonsensical drivel. Didn’t any of them understand he didn’t want to talk, that he had nothing to say, that there was nothing to say? Reluctantly, he got up, showered, and dressed, not because he wanted to, but because to go through the motions of a regular day was the path of least resistance. No one bothered him this way.

He headed upstairs to grab a quick bite before heading out. His aunt, uncle, and the twins were still upstairs getting ready for the day. During the week, the only time he saw them, the only time he was expected to see them, was at dinner and that suited him just fine. He deliberately left the house far earlier than he had to just so he wouldn’t have to sit through any forced small talk at the breakfast table, or look at the thinly veiled pity he could always see lurking in their eyes. The high school was two and half miles away, and there was a bus stop a block away, but Nick preferred to walk. It gave him an excuse to leave the house early.

He arrived at school 20 minutes or so before the opening bell. Per his morning ritual, he went straight to his locker, dropped his backpack, and then went to the library to flip through a magazine before it was time to go to homeroom. First thing in the morning, the library was almost always deserted. Most kids hung out by the lockers, talking, joking, and trying to be cool. Nick preferred the quiet, brightly lit library with its slightly musty smell of books.

He picked up a copy of National Geographic from the rack and took his customary spot at the table in front of the window looking out over the courtyard. Outside, the grand, old oak trees flanking the sidewalk were already showing new leaf growth. Spring was coming early this year. Nick began idly leafing through the magazine, and settled on an article about the Hubble telescope.

As his eyes flitted through the article, not really paying attention to what the words were saying, someone came in and sat down in the chair directly facing him. A bubble of annoyance rose up within him. Of all the available, empty seats in the library, why would somebody presume to sit next to him? Nick glanced up to see who the unwelcome intruder was, and instantly froze. It was Ryan. Nick immediately felt his blood pressure rise, his mind rev to full attention, and all his senses come fully to the fore. What was he doing here?

Nick had first noticed Ryan maybe a couple of months after he had started at Forest Grove. They didn’t share any classes, and he was easy to overlook, at least initially. Physically, he wasn’t all that distinctive. He had a medium, athletic build, kept an unkempt, messy, brown mop of hair, and had an understated, yet somehow sophisticated, way of dressing. He seemed to largely keep to himself. He wasn’t an outcast, though. All the other kids made room for him and gladly talked with him whenever he showed up. He had a self-assured way of holding himself and an ease of movement that both captivated Nick and made him nervous all at the same time. He couldn’t quite put his finger on what it was about the guy. He couldn’t care less about any of the other kids, and really didn’t look forward to seeing any of them, but Ryan, somehow Ryan was different. He didn’t catch a glimpse of Ryan every day, but when he did, things just seemed to be a little bit better.

As Nick got a good look at Ryan up close and personal for the first time, he was taken aback by the almost crystalline quality of Ryan’s eyes. They were greenish-brown with flecks of blue and seemed to almost glow with their own inner light. Ryan nodded and smiled. Nick perfunctorily returned the nod and turned back to the magazine, unable to hold that gaze for any length of time. His mind raced. As far as Nick knew, Ryan didn’t even know he existed. Why was he here now? What did he want? Should he say something? But what was there to say?

Caught like a deer in the headlights with nothing to say, he turned his attention back to his magazine and the displayed photograph of the Pillars of Creation. What wonderful texture in the dust cloud, what vibrant color, what … why was Ryan still looking at him? From his peripheral vision, Nick saw that since that initial nod, Ryan had not turned away and continued to look directly at him. He looked up again and caught Ryan’s direct gaze once more. There was a focused awareness to his stare that seemed to pierce to the very heart of Nick’s soul. He felt that with that one glance, Ryan now knew everything there was to know about him, his loss, the bottomless pit of his pain, the utterly lost and hopeless place he currently found himself in.

Nick quickly looked down again, still unable to bear the intensity of Ryan’s scrutiny. His heart beat violently in his chest as his thoughts raced and tumbled in his head. Why was he feeling this way, how did he stop it? Should he get up and leave, should he put in his ear buds, what….

“You’re Nick, right? You’re new here this semester.”

Nick looked back up and awkwardly fumbled for words. “Yeah.” He was about to say more, say how he had been here a few months now, and was settling in nicely, but the words failed to materialize. He could feel sweat slicking his palms and he knew that his face was a bright, beet red.

Ryan smiled, a beautiful, wonderful, somehow positively incandescent smile. He seemed completely unconcerned that Nick couldn’t even get out two coherent words. “Hi, I’m Ryan. Seen you around.”

“Yeah, I…”

“Hey.” Ryan cut him off. He casually asked, “Doing anything after school? Wanna hang out?”

The question caught Nick by surprise. Hang out with Ryan? Nick had no reason not to. Most days as soon as the last bell rang, he was out the door and homeward bound where he slipped quietly down to his room to while away the hours until dinner, listening to music or idly surfing online. If it had been anyone else asking, he would have instantly declined. But this was Ryan, and he was too flustered to refuse.

“Um, sure, I-”

“Great. I’ll meet you by the centennial oak after school. See you then. Gotta run.”

With that, Ryan got up and seemed to float away, leaving Nick to stare blankly out the window, his mind spinning. What had just happened?

##

The seven periods that made up the school day usually inched along, but on this day they proceeded with glacial slowness. From first period history to English and then onto calculus, the morning seemed to last all of an eternity. Nick could imagine entire star systems coming into creation, spinning through their life cycle, and then dying while his life painfully oozed along. For the first time since his mother had passed away, Nick felt within himself a flicker of energy, a sense of life and vitality. He was actually looking forward to something, and it both delighted and confounded him.

Between classes and during lunch, he kept scanning the sea of people for a hint of Ryan. He was starting to think he had imagined the whole library conversation and wanted a confirming word, smile, or some type of acknowledgement from the guy. But Ryan was nowhere to be seen. Why would Ryan suddenly want to hang out? Surely that made no sense. Nick had heard of people who went completely off the deep end, imagining whole conversations and situations that never actually happened. Perhaps he was one of them. He had, after all, just lost his entire immediate family in a very short period of time. It wouldn’t be surprising at all if he was slipping into crazy with a capital C. It would be perfectly understandable, in fact. He was sure if he started talking to people who weren’t there, none of his classmates would even raise an eyebrow. “Oh poor, Nick”, they would say to each other. “After all he’s been through, he’s finally lost it. Surprised it didn’t happen sooner.” Yep, that’s what they’d say.

By the time the closing bell rang, Nick was more than a bit beside himself. As he headed towards the old oak, he questioned whether he should even go to the tree. What if Ryan never showed? What if this was some type of cruel, mean-spirited prank? He almost talked himself out of going, but in the end it was his mother’s voice whispering softly inside his head, “Nothing ventured, nothing gained!” that convinced him to put his insecurities aside, or at least tuck them away as far in the back of his mind as possible. He knew if his mother was still alive, she would have given him a good swift kick in the pants in the form of one inspirational quote after another for still being in such a doom and gloom state. He desperately needed something to help him shake this foul mood. It had been three months since his mother’s passing, after all. He had to give this a chance.

He planted himself under the old oak, rested his back against the rough trunk, and stared up through the branches and canopy at the gloomy, gray sky overhead just as a long, drawn out rumble of thunder echoed across the school yard. Looking a little worriedly at the sky, he glanced around for Ryan. Hopefully it wouldn’t rain. The forecast hadn’t called for the storms to hit until the evening, and he hadn’t brought his umbrella.

His scan showed no sign of the tousled-headed guy, but a figure standing next to the parent’s pick up zone in the parking lot did catch his eye. Tall, blond, and skinny with chiseled features, it was the same man he had seen on multiple occasions while living in West Virginia, starting with the time he had bumped into the guy on the front porch of his house. Through the years, he had seen this man at least a few times a year, mostly just standing in the distance, vaguely looking in Nick’s direction. Living in a small town, Nick had always assumed he was just a local with whom he would randomly cross paths. But what was he doing at Nick’s school in the Pittsburgh area?

Something wasn’t right. This was weird, and more than a little disquieting. He needed to get closer so he could take a discreet picture to use as evidence in case this turned into something sinister. He stood up, preparing to head towards the man when Ryan suddenly rounded the other side of the tree, materializing as if out of nowhere.

“Ready?” Ryan flashed a big, disarming smile. He pointed to the row of houses just past the campus courtyard. “My house is this way, just two blocks over.”

Nick turned and greeted Ryan, his nervousness around Ryan temporarily vanquished by the appearance of the mysterious blond. “Hi. Yeah, in a minute. I just want to check something out first.” Nick rotated back to point at the man, but he was nowhere to be seen. Nick looked vainly about for a few seconds, but the mystery man was gone.

Ryan followed the direction of Nick’s stare. “Check out what? We really need to go if we want to beat the rain.” He looked nonchalantly up at the sky. “We’ll have to run for it as it is.”

“Ah, it’s nothing, I guess.” A few light drops of rain began to issue forth from the clouds, with the promise of many more to come.

“Then let’s go! Come on!”

With that, Ryan began a slow jog, glancing back at Nick to make sure he was following. A quick inspection of the sky convinced Nick they needed to move with haste. The formerly gloomy sky was turning downright black and ominous, and the raindrops had turned thick and heavy, bombarding the school yard with audible splashes. Nick trotted after him.

“We gotta run!” Ryan laughed as the isolated thick drops gave way to a steadier stream of raindrops. Nick picked up his pace and gave chase, matching Ryan stride for stride. They flew across the schoolyard and across the main road, turning down a side street that led to a residential area. The steady rain quickly turned into a deluge, and sheets of water soaked everything in sight. Nick lost himself in the act of running, and forgot about everything except keeping up with Ryan through the drenching downpour. Houses rushed by as indistinct blurs as they splashed their way onward.

Just when Nick thought he couldn’t possibly keep up any longer, Ryan turned up a driveway and came to a crashing halt under a portico with Nick right on his heels. Water poured off of them. They were both soaked to the skin.

“Whoo! That was fun!” Ryan exclaimed as he was catching his breath. He glanced over at a heaving Nick. “Your pack’s waterproof, right?” Nick nodded, still catching his breath. “Good. No harm, no foul then. Come on, we’ll go through the mudroom. I’ll throw our clothes in the dryer. You can wear one of my old robes ‘til they’re done.”

##

Fully dry and clad in an old, too small robe of Ryan’s, Nick sat in the living room and watched the rain continue to pour down outside while Ryan clinked away in the kitchen. It felt odd to be so scantily dressed in a stranger’s house, especially a house as impressive as this one. The house was nice, much nicer than his aunt Sarah’s. Rich hardwood floors, a massive stone fireplace, and exposed wood beams on the ceiling gave the room a grand presence. Impeccable furnishings graced the room and he felt as if he were in the lobby of a grand mountain lodge rather than the living room of a private residence.

Ryan came in from the kitchen bearing a couple of mugs of steaming tea. “This will warm you up.”

Nick sat up straight and took one of the offered cups. “Thanks.” He took a quick sip, but it was still much too hot. He hastily put the cup on the coffee table. “Nice house.”

“Yeah. My parents do like the finer things in life. They’re both big, very important people at a couple of big, very important companies.” Sarcasm oozed in Ryan’s voice. “My mom drives a Benz and my dad a BMW, and not the low end models either. When they bought this house, their first thought, I’m sure, is on whether other people would be impressed by it. They brought in a high priced decorator, and, voila, this is what you got.”

“Impressive,” Nick commented.

Ryan walked over to the bookshelf and retrieved a leather bound book.

“Actually, no. My folks have to be two of the worst parents ever. Straight up, no kidding. They’re quite horrendous, conceited, snobbish people. I can’t stand being around them.” Ryan gestured around the house. “And all this? Pfft. It may impress other people, but not me. The only saving grace was I hardly saw the two of them. Until I was fifteen, I had a live in caretaker, Ami, who raised me. She was awesome. Carefree, spontaneous, fun-loving, an absolutely wonderful person.”

Nick ventured another sip of his tea. It was a bit cooler now, and he slurped a bit down. “It doesn’t sound like that bad of a deal. You got a nice place to live, and a great person to raise you. My mom and dad, they were, they were…” Nick trailed off, not quite ready to discuss his own background. Any discussion of the good times of his younger days would inevitably lead to the complete and utter tragedy of his current life. He didn’t want to go there.

Ryan took a seat next to Nick, turning sideways to look directly at him. He delicately reached out and squeezed Nick’s shoulder. “I know, I heard. It’s rough. I’m sorry. Shit happens all the time, but when it happens to you, nothing can ease the pain.” Ryan regarded Nick with a piercing look as a smile played gently on his lips. “Nothing, that is, except for this.”

With that declaration, Ryan lifted the book that was resting in his lap and held it up to Nick. Nick regarded Ryan quizzically. “Oliver Twist?” he asked, a little baffled by the weird turn in conversation.

“Ah, I hear your skepticism, my dear man. Undoubtedly, you’ve read this volume before and in your prior readings I’m sure you were, much like myself, quite put off by the whole story. That is if you ever managed to finish it. Damn, but it bogs down in the middle.” Ryan tilted his head to the side and gently inquired, “Have you ever read it?”

Nick continued to regard Ryan with some bewilderment. Was Ryan mocking his pain? He felt his defenses begin to rise. “Yeah, I read it. Some damned orphan kid got off to a rough start, but in the end justice is served and he lives happily ever after.” Nick felt anger and a hint of betrayal filling his voice. “Are you saying, I should just get over the fact that my family is gone, that everything will be all right?”

Some of the twinkling confidence that had filled Ryan’s eyes up to that point began to ebb, and he quickly interjected, his words tumbling one after another, “No. Not at all. Argh, I’m sorry, I fucked that up. I didn’t mean to offend. I hated the book and never even finished it. You say Oliver lived happily ever after? I’ll have to take your word on that, and I apologize again as I didn’t know.” Ryan paused to collect himself before going on. “No, when I refer to the miraculous healing ability of this book, I refer not to the traditional contents of Oliver Twist, but to the contents of this particular copy of that famed classic.” With that, he placed the book squarely in Nick’s lap. “But don’t take my word for it, open it and see for yourself.”

Nick, still feeling a little peeved, flipped the book open. A retort forming on his tongue instantly died away as he saw the whole inside of the book had been hollowed out. Inside, a few baggies stuffed full of weed lay nestled around a pipe, lighter, and a number of pre-rolled joints.

Ryan smiled broadly. “As you can see, the contents of this copy of Oliver Twist are a bit unconventional, and are nothing like the original. You smoke?”

“No. Never have.” Nick felt more than a little chagrined. Ryan was not the enemy. “I was always curious, though.” Nick took a quick look around the empty house. “Won’t your folks be back soon?”

“No, my mom has a conference in Paris and my dad went with her to take advantage of the free hotel and to rub elbows with other hoity-toity folk. They won’t be back ‘til next week.”

##

A half hour later, Nick handed the nub of what was left of the joint back to Ryan, doing his best to hold his breath. He successfully fought off one urge to cough, then a second, but the third was uncontainable and plumes of smoke poured from between his lips. Ryan took one last, smooth drag and put the roach down.

Nick leaned back on the couch and put his arms behind his head. “Wow,” he said, or thought he said. His mind was flitting from one random thing to the next, never staying put in one place for very long. Swirling galaxies, barren moonscapes, lush tropical forests, cascading waterfalls – a whole series of random images formed and swam before his eyes momentarily before fading into the next one.

Ryan lay down next to him, nestling in full, side body contact. “Nick,” he croaked, dreamy contentment oozing through in his voice. A lifetime or two, or none at all, passed before Ryan continued. “How are you doing?”

Nick inhaled and exhaled slowly, feeling a soft pulse and tingle along the entire length of his body. “Good. So good.” He blanked out for a few seconds, then resumed. “I feel like I’m swimming and floating, and at once everywhere and nowhere all at the same time. All in a great big pool of calm and serenity.” He started chuckling and the chuckle became a full blown laugh that he just couldn’t stop, and nor did he want to. Ryan joined in, and their peals of laughter went on for some time before eventually trailing off. Nick rested comfortably, watching the ceiling fan spin round and round. It was fascinating.

Ryan turned on his side, bringing one knee across Nick’s legs and resting his hand on Nick’s chest. “It’s good to see you laugh.”

Nick reached over and grabbed Ryan’s hand. It felt so warm, so alive. He shifted his gaze off the enthralling ceiling fan to Ryan looking down on him. Ryan’s face positively seemed to glow with its own internal light, and his bright, multi-colored eyes sparkled with an otherworldy radiance. He had never seen anything so breathtaking. Overcome with the transcendental beauty of the moment, his words shook as he half laughed, half cried. “Oh, god, it’s good to laugh. Ha, I thought I had forgotten how.”

Ryan gently massaged Nick’s hand. “It’ll get better, but before it does, we have Oliver Twist to make things a little easier from time to time.”

As they lay there in silence, visions of his mom and dad blossomed in Nick’s mind. For the first time since tragedy struck, he was able to recall his mother and father - the nights spent under the stars, the hikes through the woods, the cozy times at home - and not immediately sink under a tidal wave of sadness and grief.

Ryan smiled serenely as he stared into Nick’s eyes. He released Nick’s hand and moved his hand up to slowly begin stroking the side of Nick’s face. “I’ve been watching you, you know.”

“You’ve been watching me, when?” Nick murmured as a delightful sense of peace and closure washed over him. At that moment, he could have sworn his mom and dad were standing over him, smiling down at him, fully blessing what they seeing, sending all their love along. He finally understood that it was all going to be okay. Love never died, it just got recycled. Nick smiled back at Ryan.

“From the first day you started here. Kylie’s mom knows your aunt, so we all knew your story, though we all agreed not to mention anything about it and to let you be.”

“Hmmm.” Nick murmured. “I don’t remember seeing you around for the first couple of months.”

“Oh, I was there, and I saw you. You just always had your head down and kept pretty much to yourself. You were so sad. I wanted to talk to you that first day, but I was afraid I’d just scare you. It broke my heart to see you that way.”

Nick nodded. “My folks were good people, you know? They didn’t deserve to die.”

“I know they didn’t. The good ones never do.”

“I think they would have liked you.”

“I wish I could have met them.”

Ryan lowered his head to rest on Nick’s shoulder, slipped his hand under Nick’s robe, and began rubbing Nick’s chest. Nick began gently squeezing Ryan’s arm. Time blinked by.

“I like you Nick, I mean really like you,” Ryan whispered. “Even though I don’t really know you, I feel something with you I’ve never felt around anybody else.” Nick grunted softly, reposing languidly in an idyllic haze. He liked what he was hearing.

Ryan continued. “I don’t know what it is. Even though you were mostly down and out, just another member of the walking dead, occasionally you would, I don’t know how to describe it, you’d just flash with a burst of intensity and excitement. I remember one time between classes, Mr. Jenkins said something to you about an upcoming star party, and for one brief, precious instant, the veil lifted and I saw the real you shine through. It was if the sun finally had a chance to break through those clouds of doom you constantly had circling you. I want to get to know that Nick.” Ryan’s fingertips found Nick’s nipple, and he softly traced a circle around it. Nick moaned.

With that, Ryan hauled himself up, swung his leg to the other side of Nick’s body and plopped himself down decisively on top of him. Ryan grabbed both of Nick’s arms and pinned them behind his head. He lowered his face until they were eye-to-eye, nose-to-nose, mouth-to-mouth. Nick could feel the warmth of Ryan’s breath on his own face and lips. Looking up into that beautiful, wonderful face, Nick hungered to taste those lush, full lips, but each time Nick reached for contact, Ryan pulled back, keeping himself just out of reach. Nick laughed, and Ryan joined in.

A moment later, Ryan leaned in and their lips touched. An electric current jolted through his body. Nick gasped, his body arching in an involuntary spasm as Ryan launched into a full blown kiss, tongues fully intertwining. As the current surging within him ebbed, Nick felt his body loosen and he willingly surrendered to Ryan’s lead. Ryan released his grip on Nick’s arms and Nick wrapped his arms firmly around Ryan’s body, running his hands through Ryan’s hair and down his back. He hoped the moment would go on forever.

Ryan abruptly pulled back and stood up. Nick moved to get up as well, but Ryan motioned for him to stop. “Oh, Nick, this is better than I ever thought it’d be.” A passionate gleam burned in his eyes and he said, “Let’s lose these robes.” He loosened his sash, dropped his robe, and leaned in to help Nick remove his own.

Ryan stood back and gave Nick a long, considering look, scanning his body up and down and back again. “Oh, fuck yeah,” he murmured, and moved back into a full body-on-body embrace.

##

Hours, days, or lifetimes later, he wasn’t sure which, Nick awoke from a pleasant snooze to find himself lying on the lush rug on the floor in front of a roaring fire, wrapped in a cozy, warm embrace. Nick could hear the rain still falling outside, but he couldn’t see anything through the windows. Night had fallen. He started to doze back off when all at once he started, and moved to stand up. “Oh shit! My aunt! I need to get home!”

Ryan squeezed Nick gently, and held him firmly in place. He planted a few kisses on Nick’s cheek, nibbled a bit on his earlobe, and said, “No you don’t. You’re spending the night with me.”

“But my aunt! She’ll be so worried! What time is it?”

Nick struggled to get up, but again Ryan held him tight and wouldn’t let him up. He kissed Nick a bit more. “Oh, my beautiful Nick. No worries, okay? Do you trust me?”

“But my aunt…”

“Do you trust me?”

Nick relaxed, entwined his fingers with Ryan’s, and pulled Ryan’s hand up to his mouth for a quick kiss. “Yes.”

“Good. Then don’t worry about your aunt.” Ryan paused, and Nick knew he was waiting to see if he would protest anymore. Nick held his tongue. When Nick remained silent, Ryan disengaged from him, stood up, and nonchalantly announced, “You know, I’m starving. You up for a pizza?”

Nick sat up. He was ravenous. “A pizza sounds good. Supreme? Large? Extra large?”

Ryan laughed. “A large will do. There’s plenty of other food in the fridge if we want more after that. My folks see that I don’t go hungry while they’re away.” Ryan looked at Nick with a considering, measuring look. “Anything else on your mind?”

Nick smiled evilly. “After the pizza, I think I want you for dessert.”

Ryan burst out laughing. “You’re absolutely amazing.” He sat down on the couch, still regarding Nick. “No longer worried about your aunt?”

“Nope. I trust you.” Oddly, Nick meant it. Though he had just met Ryan today, he felt a connection with the guy as though they had known each other for years. Compared to that, his aunt meant nothing to him, not really. She was just someone he was staying with for the moment. Ryan, though, with Ryan he sensed something so much more, a friend, a comrade, a lover, a confidant. The man of his dreams. Someone he could spend a lifetime with.

“Here.” Ryan tapped the couch between his legs, and Nick got up from in front of the fireplace and plopped himself in the designated spot to once again be snuggled in Ryan’s strong, firm grip.

“Okay, here’s what’s going on. Kylie’s mom called your aunt and told her that you got caught by the rain, ducked into Kylie’s, and decided to just crash there for the night.”

Nick shook his head. “But why would I do that? I’ve never been anywhere but my aunt’s since I got here. To suddenly sleep over at a girl’s house I hardly even know just makes no sense. My aunt will know something’s up.”

“No she won’t. Kylie’s mom told her that there’s been a budding romance between the two of you for some time, and that an impromptu sleepover is just what you need to lift you out of the funk you’ve been in. Your aunt has been very worried about you. She’s willing to grasp at anything that might help you get better. And she and Kylie’s mom have known each other for decades. She won’t question anything she says.”

Nick was puzzled. “But why do that for me?”

Ryan hugged Nick close. “We’ve all been worried about you. And a budding romance is just the thing to get you back on your feet again. Just with me, not Kylie. I asked about letting your aunt know the whole truth, but apparently she’s big at her church and doesn’t take to any expressions of love that are not explicitly blessed by the church elders. And Kylie and I, we go way back and, well, there was an unfortunate incident between me and her brother last year. Never mind the details, but the whole sordid mess did endear me to the entire family. They’re all more than willing to help out, anytime, anyplace.”

“But…” Nick was flabbergasted. “How long have you been planning this?”

“Ever since I first laid eyes on you.” Ryan gave Nick an extended squeeze. “Let me get that pizza ordered.”