Best And Worst of Me - 10. Chapter 10

Quinn sucked in a deep breath and gathered up all of his courage to approach Cameron again on Tuesday. “What did you think of the movie?” Quinn asked, begging for another excuse to talk to Cameron. Quinn hadn’t even paid that much attention in the theater, too aware that Cameron was sitting next to him.

Cameron made it obvious he didn’t like Quinn still talking to him. “It was okay. The girl was annoying, as always.” That earned him a slap from one of his friends.

“It was heartfelt,” she corrected him. Cameron rolled his eyes, trying not to smile at teasing her.

Quinn mingled closely, even if he didn’t talk much with the group. Itwas short lived though, as Lizzie charged out from somewhere and threw her arms around him. “Quinn!” she shrieked and nearly made him fall over with surprise. Her loud entrance silenced a few people and turned some heads, including Cameron’s.

Quinn blushed, feeling both ashamed and… just awkward. He was still dating Lizzie, after all.

“What are you doing out here?” she beganto babble. “I’m supposed to be going to the bathroom, but I figured I would stop and say hi when I saw you.” Her eyes shifted over to the group of Cameron and his friends. “What are you doing over here anyway?”

“Talking.” Quinn answered vaguely and easedher arms off of his waist. Lizzie huffed, not so satisfied with that but let it drop. Lizzie darted back off to the bathroom, and Quinn immediately went back to Cameron.

Cameron rolled his eyes and pointedly ignored Quinn. Shit, Quinn mentally kicked himself. Of course Cameron wasn’t going to look at him if he was still dating someone, and a girl.

Sighing, Quinn shifted away from the group and hung around on his own. Now his chest felt tight again. The smoothness of the worry stone in his pocket eased it a little, but he was still wishing the damned pills would kick in already.

***

Quinn curled up in his bed, restless. Cameron was pissed at him, yet again. Big surprise. Sighing, Quinn turned over in his bed to face the wall. He still had to try. Fuck, he couldn’t just give up like that.

It took him hours to fall asleep, and he hardly felt rested by the time he woke up. Should he take another weekend away? Maybe he could after his session on Saturday with Allen? Or maybe he could just skip one…

He yawned the whole drive to school, and opted to buy coffee on the way. Quinn didn’t really care if he was late; it’s not like it made much of a difference. He bought a coffee and eyed some of the chocolates and pastries on the side. “Can I get one of those?” Quinn pointed through the glass at some small chocolates. “A small bag of them, actually.”

He paid for that and the coffee before heading to school. Quinn tucked the chocolates safely away in his backpack and braved walking into his class late. He got adirty look from his teacher as he sipped on his reason for being late.

Quinn just went to his seat and started to fiddle with his worry stone. It had grown on him, just something to calm his nerves temporarily. Throughout the morning, he listened to hisiPod and tried to find something suiting.

I believe it's time for me to be famous,

And out of place.

I believe it's time for me to move forward,

When I break through.

This time I'll, make you,

Proud to see me over, come on daylight.

Your shelter, your peacefulness.

So this time I'll make you proud.

Proud of, who you raised up.

You know that I will,

Always be here till' the end.

(Of Mice & Men, Second & Sebring)*

Quinn played that over a few times. He would try to make Cameron proud of him, somehow. He scribbled those lyrics down onto a piece of paper and folded it up before slipping it into the bag of chocolates.

He held onto it until lunch before he approached Cameron. Quinn handed it over without a word, and Cameron took it, sending him a suspicious look. He read over the paper and still didn’t reply.

Quinn hesitated nervously before sending Lizzie a text. It wasn’t a minute later she came darting out of a hallway and up to hug him. “You rang?” she asked with a fancy accent. Quinn pushed her away, sending a brief glance at Cameron.

“I want to break up.” Fuck.

Lizzie stalled, smile falling. She looked around at the watching eyes of Cameron and his friends before dragging Quinn off, or at least trying to, but Quinn refused to go. “Why?” she lowered her voice, barely audible over the loud chatter of the commons.

“I just can’t.” Quinn forced a sympathetic smile. He wasn’t ready to come out and tell her the whole reason why. Lizzie scowled deeply and stormed off to her class without a word.

Quinn finally looked back over at Cameron. Cameron averted his eyes quickly, cheeks a little bit colored as he glared down into the bag of chocolates. He still didn’t say anything. Quinn would accept that.

Quinn nodded briefly at Cameron before leaving andbuying himself lunch. He didn't feel like eating, out of nervousness, but he made himself. He had practice after school, and then… Allen. Quinn almost felt giddy about having broken up with Lizzie. It had been the right thing to do, and Allen would secondthat.

It was short lived.

“You broke up with Lizzie?” Zach inquired during seventh period. Quinn just shrugged, hoping he would go away. “Man, I thought things were fine between you two?” Zach continued.

“She was too stuck up,” Quinn said. It was true, either way, but if he had reallyliked her it wouldn’t have mattered. So it all narrowed down to that one thing. He didn’t like Lizzie.

Zach started off on some rant, and Quinn just tuned it out. Finally the coach came in and interrupted it by taking his place as Quinn’s partner. “I want to talk to you after class today,” the coach said halfway through the class.

Once the class was over, Quinn waited until everyone else had left before joining the coach in his little office. “Yeah?”

“I said you weren’t playing in this next upcoming game,” the coach began, frowning at the wall. Quinn dipped his head forward.

“Yeah, I know. It’s fine.” He understood that he wasn’t allowed to play. Zach wasn’t either, and he was pissed.

“I’m going to let you play anyway,” the coach stated and switched his eyes over to Quinn. “You’ve been having a hard enough time as it is. This is a one-time thing. Go bragging around about it and you won’t play the next two.”

“Coach?” Quinn questioned. “I’m willing to sit out. I don’t have a problem with it.” It’s not like Lizzie would be cheering him on anymore anyway.

“Exactly.” The coach pointed a finger at Quinn. “You know what you did wrong. You handled it better than anyone else.” Zach. “You’re being mature about it. Maturitydoes good things for you. I’m letting you play in Friday’s game.”

Quinn was a little stunned to hear that, but he didn’t protest. Hearing the word “mature” out of an adult’s mouth was something rare for him. Attacking Cameron in the locker room all those times—before the sexual encounter even—those hadn’t been mature.

“Coach—“

“Out.” The coach waved a dismissive hand. Quinn balked for a moment before leaving the office and returning to the locker room. He changed into clothes for practice and waited around, not wanting to brave the commons and Zach and Lizzie.

Quinn pulled out his worry stone again and cradled it in his hands. He heard his phone go off with a text message, oddly enough being from Cameron.

Dick.

Quinn decided not to take it seriously. He chuckled to himself and replied, asking why, but never got an answer before practice started.

Zach seemed to target Quinn—bumping into him or being more forceful than wasneeded. Quinn ignored it, and eventuallythe coach called Zach out of the practice.

After practice, Quinn showered at home and ate dinner with his family. Things were still obviously tense between his mother and father, but he let it be. The conversations revolved mostly around his sister, without his parents speaking directly to each other.

He was glad to drive to Allen’s office. Quinn had to wait a few minutes and started late because of the session before his.

“How’ve you been?” Allen asked.

“Cameron and I went out to the movies on Monday, just to hang out for a little while. He made it very clear that it was not a date. And my mom figured out that I like Cameron, too,” Quinn admitted. “I have… his page dog-eared in the yearbook from last year, and she’s caught me looking at it a few times. Figured it out.”

“And how didthat go?”

“Uh, she supports me… I guess. I asked her not to tell Dad or anyone though.” Quinn looked down guiltily, knowing he could have done better. Allen just nodded.

“And I broke up with Lizzie today, and I’m going to start perusing Cameron seriously now.” Quinn added and looked to find approval from Allen.

“And how did that go?” Allen didn’t really show any emotion about it.

“Okay, I guess. I gave him some chocolates and lyrics from a song, and then broke up with Lizzie in front of him. He texted me later calling me a dick, but I think that’s just him being playful.” Quinn smiled faintly. It was kind of pathetic probably to do such a girly thing to get Cameron’s attention, but it was better than some of the things he had done.

“And so what areyou going to do tomorrow?” Allen asked.

“I don’t know. Something similar. Maybe not chocolates and I’ll find some different lyrics to give to him. He seems to be pretty smart about those kinds of things, to get the meaning and all and how to apply them. It takes me a while to figure out what would be good to use.” Quinn paused. “And mycoach is letting me play in Friday’s game. I’m not supposed to, after the silly string incident, but he said I was being mature about taking my punishment. I don’t know if I want to though.”

“Why wouldn't you want to?” Allen pressed. “You like to play, don’t you?”

“It’s… fun. But some people are really competitive. I’m not that obbsessed with it. And besides, I was trying to take all of the punishment in stride and… now it just feels like I didn’t take it all like I was supposed to for what I did to Cameron.”

Allen nodded, falling silent for a few moments. “Would you play football if you didn’t have to?”

“I don’t have to already.” Quinn pointed out.

“But what would your dad say?” So they were back to that, again. Quinn frowned. Out of all the good stuff that had happened or he had done, Allen had to go and focus on that.

“I don’t know. He would probably ask why, and come up with all these reasons why I should play. Build character, work as a team, stuff like that.” Quinn shrugged his shoulders, already trying to find some song in his head to use for the next day with Cameron. What should Quinn get him?

“You seem to be on a streak of changing some things. Are you going to tell your dad about your orientation?” Allen wasn’t letting the subject drop.

Quinn frowned, trying not to give away his frustration. “No. He doesn’t like the idea that I’m seeing you, or that I’m on medication now. Says I’m fine and I don’t need to be.”

“But you want, or… at least feel you need the help,” Allen pointed out. “Since last time you were complaining that you wanted the pills to work faster.”

“So?” Quinn furrowed his brow.

“Why don’t you try explaining to him that you need it, and it would help if he would support it?” Allen offered.

“It makes no difference if he supports it. I’m here, aren't I?” Quinn scowled.

“But you refuse to admit that you’re depressed because of his views.”

“I’m not—“ Quinn stopped himself before saying exactly what Allen was talking about. “It doesn’t matter if I try to get him to understand. That’s what my mom has been trying to do, and they’ve hardly been talking since the weekend.”

“And what happened then?” Allen raised an eyebrow.

“That was when my mom found out I liked Cameron… then Lizzie showed up, and my mom made up an excuse for me. Plus he tried to say I didn’t need the anti-depressants. Said I had no reason to need them, so my mom got mad at him for it,” Quinn mumbled.

Allen nodded and glanced down at the clipboard on his lap. “Well, how do you think your dad would take your orientation?”

“He wouldn’t like it.” Quinn shrugged.

“Have you ever heard him talk bad about it?” Allen pressed.

“Well, no, but he always is talking about how a real man should be… but not what I shouldn’t be. It’s just obvious what I shouldn’t be.” Quinn explained slowly, realizing that he wasn’t so much defending his fatheras he was incriminating him. He was putting down expectations.

Quinn fell silent for a while after that, and Allen didn’t speak up either. Then the session was over, and Quinn sat out in his car and put on his iPod. He left the office lot, not wanting to look strange, and instead drove around without any place in mind to go. He didn’t want togo home, not yet.

Yeah,there were the expectations of his father, but Zach and everyone else too. Quinn parked and pulled out his cell phone, starting to set up a text to Cameron but he stopped half way through. He wouldn’t complain or drag Cameron into any of this. Quinn had to figure this out on his own, be strong enough so maybe he would have more of a chance with Cameron.

Quinn put his phone away and headed for home.