What's Needed - 1. New and Old

At this current moment in time for myself there are two major milestones in life that seem more prevalent than the others. Point A is the beginning where life is full of that naïve stupidity, where everything seems to be bright colours, fluffy animals and the “joy” of learning. Point B on the other hand is the polar opposite, where our naivety is stripped and where somehow expected to have formed an identity of ourselves and know where we want to be among the crap of the universe, what we want to do and what people expect of us. The thing that pisses me off about it though is how through our childhoods we spend every day being pushed from place to place, told what's right and wrong, told excessively about other peoples ideals and ideas. How are we meant to make an identity out of other peoples lives. I don't know what I want to be, what I want to do. I don't know where I want to be. Well other than not where I'm currently heading at least.

So I sit fidgeting in the car seat like a child, not because it's too stuffy in here or that the seats are uncomfortable, which they are, or that I chose my only pear of skinny jeans that aren't torn to shreds making them probably the worst choice for a two hour long car ride in this heat, but because I'm waiting for those five damn words I've been hearing on repeat for the last hour and a half.

'Just give it a chance.' the voice from the driver seat just had to coo one more time. I glare at her, giving it my best. It's somewhere between seething anger and a touch of childish spite, I think I nailed it quite well. 'I just want this to be a new beginning, and Danny stop pouting your not six.'

'Do we need one? Like really need one, not just want.' She tries to meet my eyes but stops finding herself a little too close to the car in front for her liking, a small red Ford a little too happy on brakes.

'Yes, after the last few years, yes I think we need one. Or I do at least.' she starts grinning 'Couldn't give a shit if you agree or not, it's happening.' I'm pouting. I acknowledge this fact one hundred percent despite probably being a little too old to be acting like this, I'm doing it to emphasise my point; I don't like this. 'Look it's the countryside. Pretty, scenic stuff, you like all of this.'

'Yeah I do but I can come here anytime, you know buses and trains exist?'

'Well there's less of that out here. It's quiet, less hassle, less crime just quiet. Here I won't have to spend every night worrying about you.' It makes her sound tired when she talks like this, fed up and old but I can sympathise with her at least. I know I can't ask her to stop worrying, it won't happen, but she doesn't need to. She does enough for me.

'Your not exactly selling me on the place.'

'I don't have to. If you really hate it then you can get a job and save up, move out, your old enough.'

And there it is, point B, the expectation. The expectation for me to just up and move my entire life to some crap hole in the country, to just leave behind everything I care about. New starts are overrated especially when our current start wasn't exactly bad to begin with. It's not that we had much. We had a place, friends, each other and that was all the family we needed too. It was away from our father, that was all I wanted. It's all I need.

'It's not just for me, I want this to be for the both of us. It'll be good for you.' she chimes up again, she has this pitiful whine to her voice when she's pleading. Honestly I'd been blanking her out for the past couple of minutes of her current motivational speech, I was more interested in the endless fields of green and yellow that passed us by every so often, a glimpse of the ocean just on the horizon that on days like today just seems to blend so seamlessly with the sky, if it hadn't been for the odd couple of boats I'd have had more difficulty telling the two apart.

'Getting a job? Sure, I don't know the first thing about farms.' I moan as a field of cows conveniently arrives into view on my left, It makes me crave burgers purely out of resentment.

'That's why we have this thing called training, dumb ass. Besides there's more to this place than farms, they have shops too you know. Despite whatever backwards stereotypes you have in your head right now, it's not all apple pies and gingham' she stops, manages a weak groan just as we round a corner to a row of tidy cottages 'except that house. The point is sometimes we have to do things we don't want to do and sometimes we do stupid things that we won't plan on doing. I'll always be there to help your stupid ass through it or out of it but at some point I need to settle down be less like a mother and ...'

'More of a sister.' I finish for her and stay silent for a couple minutes and feel myself caving in to her. 'All of the crap that our parents left you with, you do deserve something'.

Between point A and B in my life Hannah had always been the one to look out for me, recalling all of the trouble she's gone through these past ten years all just so that we could stay together brings a pang of guilt. Sickening guilt, I feel it right in my gut and for a moment feel like I might throw up a little.

'Fine I'll give it a try, but you do have to sell me on the place.' This has to be as close to accepting as I'll ever get to this idea, it's not that I have a choice in it but it may be better to go willingly rather than fight her every step of the way. I'm still going to do that anyway though.

'Well it's a lovely -'

'Without using the word village.' I cut her off with a scowl. I feel her gauging me, almost hear the gears in her brain turning.

'Villagey town sort of thing.' she expertly covers 'Babbling brooks, gorgeous fields, farms, cows, horses. A good honest church going community if your into that sort of thing. Beautiful scenery.' Her spiel ends and I'm left still wearing my scowl, with a none too subtle eye roll she adds 'they have a HMV too, damn your difficult to please sometimes.'

'That'll have to do. I won't know a single person here, are you sure this is where you want to live? You could get a job as a nurse in any town or city, at least there'd be more people. I bet we won't even have Wifi, fuck does this place even get electricity?'

'Here's an idea, you could make some new friends, there's people your age here too. Besides your friends can come visit, buses and trains you know?' I hate when she's a smart ass.

Ten or so minutes later we roll into something on the more pleasant end of the scale in regards to suburban landscapes and that's saying something, I've seen some real scummy towns in this country. Despite how intently I'd been staring out of the window on this journey, out of pure necessity of avoiding eye contact with my sister, I''d completely failed to catch the name of the place. Another ten minutes later after what seemed like endless twists and turns of streets and alleys we pull up into a parking spot beside a calm river that cuts through the place.

'This is a pretty strange village, seems a lot more town like if anything.' I say sarcastically, she shoots me a stern look as she pulls her bag out from the back seat.

'Because it's not one dumb ass.' she chucks me my overstuffed backpack that looks like it may burst open at the slightest impact. She'd nagged me constantly for about two days to pack it with a couple changes of clothes and whatever toiletries I needed, I did find it a bit strange. 'Behold mythical Ipswich!' she yells flourishing her free arm with grandeur 'Look! See how they master the ancient art of electricity.'

'Your funny, you know that?' she humbly nods, her eyes and the playful smirk scream “I know” 'We're here why exactly?'

'The house isn't ready yet'

What?

'This is the closest town to the village so we're staying here for two days.' She moves to the wall that blocks us from the river, I give her a shrug and join her taking in the view. Across the river a promenade stretches as far as I can see due to the curve of the river, among it there are large patches of grass, most filled with people enjoying the rare occasion of good weather this country manages and between those patches are several buildings mainly houses and varying shops. It's rather picturesque I think, at a push I could probably happily live here.

I could, I don't want to but still.

'Wait, what do you mean the house isn't ready? What's wrong with it?'

'It's old, and cheap.' she adds. Fantastic, not only are we moving but we're moving into a dump, perfect! 'the interior was pretty bad, liveable but it needed some work. I arranged something with the locals though.'

'So the roof isn't going to come down on us right?' If this had been part of her plan to convince me then I had to say she was doing a terrible job. Then again maybe if the place did fall apart we'd have a reason to move back. I can put that down as plan B in case plan A, whine her to death doesn't work.

'Well not now it won't. Hopefully. Cheer up grumpy, it's a nice town. There's a bus to and from the village so you can come here whenever. That does mean I expect you to hand in some job applications whilst we're here though.' She can't be serious.

'Oh what a shame, I didn't pack any CVs, guess I didn't think I'd need them.' I reply in a matter of fact tone. Like hell I would.

'Well isn't that handy, I brought them for you!' she hands me a thick binder, stuffed full of paper, I groan as I take it out of her hands reluctantly. 'Joking, that's my work stuff. Don't drop it.'

The only available room sat on the fourth floor and right of the end of the longest corridor there as if the universe was somehow hinting that we both needed more exercise. Thankfully we only had relatively small bags to carry up the never ending flights of stairs because just my luck, the lift was out of order. I'm not great with heights, it's not a huge problem but looking down four flights of stairs made my stomach turn and my legs turn to jelly. I end up leaning against the wall scowling harder than ever before towards Hannah. She'd booked this place a little over a week ago, apparently during a festival it's difficult to book a decent room so what we end up getting is a one person room for the two of us to share. It did however mean that the dead eyed guy at the desk gave us a very funny look when we turned up.

The apartment is ok but a far cry from decent, the view at least is gorgeous not that I want to give this place any credit but If someone were to point a gun to my head, I'd give it some for that. Everything aside from the toilet and shower is in the one room and as for sleeping arrangements there's a small single bed with an even smaller two seater couch that looks rock hard. I think I'll reconsider the gun to the head.

'Ok so we can take it in turns. I'll take the bed tonight and you get the couch, then tomorrow you can take the couch and I'll have the bed.' she's grinning madly and I've already agreed to her plan before I realise that I've been duped. She may be devious but I'm stupid for falling for something so basic, so I can't honestly give her praise for that.

'C'mon' I moan as she splays out on the bed like a starfish 'the sofa is tiny.'

'So are you princess. Man up and suck it up.' before I know it she's faking being asleep.

We unpack, it takes about five minutes to empty our bags, mainly because we just dump it onto the table but also because two days worth of stuff doesn't take up a great deal of space so we find ourselves utterly bored merely a couple of moments later. The one thing we neglected to think of was entertainment. Bored and defeated I sit by the window taking in the view, how the hell would I kill two days in this place?

Before long we take to the streets. Not literally the streets since after a couple of minutes of walking we end up walking through a nearby park. The way that Hannah jumps and runs around like a kid makes me feel a slight bit offended that she says she 'worries' about me, I worry about her, there's no way anyone would actually believe that she's actually in her thirties. If I had to be pushed I'd claim without a doubt that mentally at least she borders on twelve, even that's being generous, people trust her with responsibility at work. More so they trusted her with custody of myself, they must be crazy.

Parks are one of many things I wish that home actually had, proper parks that is, the ones we have back in our tiny little concrete paradise are merely overgrown drug dens, places where the trees and flowers look like they're trying to escape. It's weird how something as simple as grass or the colour green can be taken for granted when everyday you wake up to the dull grey and reds of faded brick and concrete. Despite that fact home would still always be number one for me, it just made trips out of town more enjoyable, it's the flaws that make something special right?

I hoped so. Either way in two days I'll be restarting my life for a second time, I hope in some way that I'll eventually be able to accept this change but there's no way I can just let up and abandon however many years of sentiment that I'd formed back home. It'll take time, lots of it. Friends and the connections we make supposedly don't fade, memories do though and if anything I don't want to test that hypothesis. It always seems that it's the things we want to forget that we can't and the things we hold onto and love we eventually do. I don't think I can live like that. We're circling a large duck filled pond at around lunch time, the place is pretty quiet but it's a weekday, Hannah's walking just slightly behind me, I can hear her humming along to some song that had been on the radio at least three times during the ride, she's a little out of tune but it's bearable.

'Doesn't it scare you at all?' I find myself asking out of nowhere, a big part of me hadn't intended to say anything. 'Just picking up and moving I mean, isn't it a little daunting to you?'

She stops then takes a moment to piece together something. 'No, not really.' is all she replies. 'At my age this kind of thing isn't really a big deal. It's just extra stress and hassle.' she sounds honest enough. I can't really tell when she's lying but I'd like to think she has a good sense of when to be honest with me. It wasn't the response I had been expecting really, although what had I been? 'Are you scared?'

That I had been. I nod. She moves up behind me and links arms, it's times like these I'm thankful we look alike, the same button nose, dusty blonde hair. We could be twins if she didn't have just over ten years on my age. 'Don't be, it's why your big sis is here.'

My night on the sofa has to rank up there as being one of the most uncomfortable sleeps I've ever head, probably second or third worst. First place goes to the night I spent under a table when I was thirteen after stealing some wine that Hannah had left in the fridge. I'd take huge gulps of the stuff not really knowing what to expect, especially not expecting how strong it had been when it hit my throat like a truck. At that age a hangover is so incredibly easy to acquire, not that it ever entirely put me off the stuff for more than a few years. I awake in the morning at exactly 6:37am to the glare of Hannah's LED travel clock blaring in my face and my back and shoulders screaming with a dull ache that I figured I'd be feeling for days. I feel twisted up like a pretzel, legs hanging over the edge of the couch, arms not entirely sure where to be. With that I vow to myself that somehow I'll get the bed tonight even if it involves drugging my sister and leaving her on the floor. I want more sleep, well I'd like more but I know there's no chance of getting it and to top it off I know without a doubt that Hannah wont be awake for at least another three or four hours, she likes sleeping in. A lot.

There's a brief moment between 7:30 and 8:00, and for a brief moment it feel rather close to eternity where I consider waking her up. It's a choice between absolute boredom and physical pain inflicted by a half awake sister to which I decide the latter is probably the worse choice of the two so I spend the time thinking over it all in my head. The sleep albeit what little I got at least dulled most of the anger I'd felt over the past few days. I still wanted to go home, not that home was my home anymore, it would be in my mind but in a few days a couple would be moving in, making their own mark on the place and removing ours. That thought hit a nerve with me, I didn't want the the years I'd spent in that place just erased like that, not that what I wanted mattered. The downside to being young I guess, most choices are made for you. I'd contemplated getting Chris to keep an eye on the place for me, as if he would spy on the new owners and dig up some dirt. Find out what they're doing to my room, what god awful wallpaper they've put up, something like that. The fact is he probably would do that for me for the sake of having something to do. I'd have to call him sometime soon.

At 8:01 I crack and take the nearest thing to me as a projectile, lucky for Hannah it's a pillow that lands right on her face instead of knocking a nearby table lamp off of the desk. I'd contemplated throwing a cup, It was tempting I had to say but she's a wrestling fan and at least a foot taller than I am, pushing her can be dangerous, especially in the morning since she's not a morning person, neither of us are.

She gives in after a couple of minutes of my nagging, resigning herself to the waking world looking like a mess of frizzy hair and contempt that reminded me of the hamster she'd gotten me when I was ten which makes me giggle. She grumbles something between 'morning' and a threat before hitting the bathroom. I hear the shower turn on not much later. I walk into what counts as the kitchen area of the apartment and flick on the kettle instinctively to make her a strong cup of coffee as a peace offering, it's a few sips later when I drain the mug to about half of its contents I realise that I'm drinking hers so switch the kettle back on again to make another. She steps out of the bathroom looking half as miserable as she had on waking which makes me laugh softly into my mug.

'What are you laughing at ass hole' she mumbles into her own mug, slumping down onto the small table that half our clothes are piled up on using my jacket as a makeshift pillow, why didn't I think of that last night?

'Nothing' I protest 'I was bored, I thought I'd wake you up.' She responds with her typical morning glare, sharp eyes, scowl. I really can't take her seriously first thing on a morning, no it's more that I refuse to. 'Your going to have to keep me entertained today, I'd hate to get even more bored.' It's half a threat half the truth, I don't handle boredom well, it's not that I'd do something stupid the potential is there and God knows I'm more than capable I just hate that feeling of wasting time being unproductive.

'Fat chance' she scoffs draining the last dregs 'you're on your own today. I'm taking a bus back to our old place to bring our stuff down.' Our old place. That hits me hard and I feel my face crawling into a frown. Part of me doesn't want her to see so I bury my face into the mug and pretend to drink.

'I'll come with you then.' Before I finish my sentence I'm already moving towards my shoes knowing full well she's not dressed or anywhere near ready to leave the house, that'll take her at least another hour if I'm lucky but I can't pass up the opportunity to go back home albeit however briefly.

'God no. I'm not doing another two hours of you being a miserable prick, it's hardly entertaining for me. Besides Uncle Paul's van is only a two seater, no room for your grumpy arse.'

I resign to my fate of being stuck here alone for the day, she'd taken substantially less time than usual to get ready which left me to the joys of myself a lot sooner than I'd have figured I would be. What the hell am I meant to do in this place by myself for a whole day. That question rings around in my head half an hour after Hannah has dressed and left for her bus. I suppose I could go around and explore for awhile but we got a pretty good idea of the layout last night on our wander. I could, and this was a very big 'could' search around for any places hiring but that one had been pretty much off the cards since it had been suggested yesterday. I'd get a job eventually, I'd rather settle in first, hell I haven't even seen the house yet for fuck sakes. Job searching is on the back burner. I could catch a movie if I could find my wallet buried somewhere inside the various amounts of crap inside my bag but the whole idea of doing that alone seems kind of sad.

My choice comes in the form of mix between the two, I'd just explore around and window shop until I found something to entertain myself. There's a good chance I'll find nothing and spend the day in mind numbing bliss but it's a chance I'm willing to take and It's better than being stuck in this small room for the day until Hannah makes her way back. Besides at some point I'd need to venture out for food and she'd at least left me with some money. The four flights of stairs are a little more daunting to me from the top end, I have to do my best to avoid looking down the stairwell entirely but look enough to not miss a step and break my neck, it'd be an embarrassing way to go. Here lies Danny, he couldn't handle stairs. That'd be genius.

The morning air is pretty chilly. I'm wearing shorts since it seems like there's a fairly decent chance that there might be some sun today. Strangely weather has been relatively warm the past few days which is unusual, especially for summer. I know we British people give this country a lot of flak for it's terrible weather but it's not like we're over-exaggerating all that much. Most days are over-cast and windy, the few times the sun tries to peak out from the clouds it's all too suddenly covered up again. I consider running back up to change into something warmer but can't be bothered with the stairs so instead I decide to man up and head to the streets.

I kill an hour in wandering through the park we found yesterday, I don't have my camera with me but I do have my phone so have to make do with the crappy quality and the quickly draining battery. I decide to leave the picture taking when the battery drops to around half since I expect Hannah to phone a few times to at least keep tabs on what I'm doing. I figure she'd at least get bored at some point during the bus journey to harass me into keeping her entertained. I could indulge her not that I plan to, I intend to make her suffer a little bit after all so I decide I'll be keeping our conversations short.

I manage to kill the next hour walking up and down a decent section of the river, I don't go too far down, it'd be easy to get lost in this place although for reference I note the nearest cafe to memory so on the way back I'll know when I'm near the apartment although the majority of what I see on my stroll are café's and the odd shop which makes the place all the more confusing to me. As I expect Hannah phones up as I pass a couple of people in boats rowing by, we don't talk long but she makes an extra effort to press me for as much information as to where I am and what I'm up to almost as if she doesn't trust me. Go figure.

My stomach is growling not long after, it's reaching midday so I make my way back up to the cafe and make my way back round to the apartment just to centre myself to work out where I am in relation to everything I've seen so far. I noted a few places to eat on my way, of course none of which I fancied at the time so I made my way further towards the centre. Despite being the middle of the week this place is packed, people everywhere makes walking around a pain without bumping into someone or having to dodge around. All of the main restaurants or fast food joints are completely full so I fall back on whatever plans for food and resign to grabbing a sandwich at the nearest shop and parking my ass on the least empty bench I can find preferably in an area with the nicest view. That being said there are very few places here without a pleasant view, in comparison to my home this place was beautiful.

I like people watching. It sounds creepy out of context but I like to an extent the mystery behind every person. You can tell a lot about a person from their gestures or what words they choose to say and the ones they don't. It's not as elaborate as that in my mind, it's just watching lives unfold in the ways that they do. It's not like I'm eavesdropping or stalking, It's just something to do. I end up sat in a round grassy area with a couple of trees for shade and by this point the heat has actually picked up and I'm thankful that I'd chosen to keep the shorts on, phone in hand I idle through a bunch of old text messages from my friends thinking of how difficult it'll be to see them now. There's a brief notion in my mind to phone one of my friends but I end up convincing myself that they're probably busy. It's not until I sit down at a nearby bench and leave my small bubble of reality that I notice the music.

A guy around my age maybe a little older is sat on the bench across from me, guitar in hand he strums out a couple of lazy chords of a song I vaguely recognise before his voice picks up and kicks into the next song. It surprised me that his voice was actually good, it was a little raw here and there but you could feel the passion in his voice with each note. Quite a crowd gathers as he sings, mainly girls around our age that sit between the two of us on a small patch of grass around a big oak tree. I lose myself in it all and find the time slipping away, it's not until the wind picks up and I feel the strong chill against my cheek that I come back to my senses. Typical English weather, it always turns south when the day starts getting interesting but despite the potential of rain I find myself not wanting to return back to the crappy apartment. Nobody moves when the rain starts, although in all fairness it's a light drizzle more than anything else, the guy keeps on singing.

It's a couple of songs later when it hits me, it's like a tremor through my wrist that goes all the way up my arm that makes me jump. The jump itself is a bad enough as I make a pathetic squeal like a school girl from the shock but moments later I find my phone spiralling through the air in acrobatic turns as the vibration ends and the ring tone starts up. It skitters across the pavement landing near my feet thankfully it looks relatively unscathed if not for a few scratches across the back. The day seems to be shaping up to somewhere between a bad day at school and one of those dreams where you leave the house without putting on any clothes, except this is real and thankfully I'm not naked.

The singing doesn't stop, I honestly expect it to and for the guy to be looking over at me like I'm the worlds biggest dumb ass, he doesn't though and instead over his singing I hear numerous insults and jokes from the various groups of people around me. It takes a few attempts to pick up my phone, each attempt seems to send it sliding away from me as if the phone itself had grown some form of sentience and was determined to make me look like an even bigger idiot. Finally I get a good grasp on its casing and manage relatively quickly to silence the awful tune emanating from it. At the very least now I have new plans for the rest of the day all of which involve running away from here back to the apartment and burying my head underneath a pillow for the rest of the day perhaps the rest of my life, either work. I look up and flash a sympathetic smile, it's not much but I usher a couple of small apologies to no-one in particular before I look up towards the guy playing the guitar.

For a brief second I see something like a small flash across his face, I find it weirdly intoxicating especially when our eyes meet and I end up drawn into a set of dark brown eyes that I can only just make out between the few strands of black hair hanging down his face beneath his baseball cap. Like his music his eyes are drawing me in, I find myself losing a grasp on reality again. Something washes over me a little like anxiety, it's not just the embarrassment or the tension in the air, it's the butterflies in my stomach that make my mind run wild with questions. My face reddens as I feel the heat rise to it, it could be the embarrassment but part of it is anger in all honesty I can't tell the difference. His smile falters for just a moment as I think he realises the way we're staring at each other, there's a dip in the music as he forgets a line but he quickly recovers hiding his mistake with a cough. As I watch his lips curl and the grin fade it makes me feel terrible for a small moment like I've unnerved him or freaked him out. Maybe I have, how could I tell? He shakes his head, the motion moves the few strands away that seem to be aggravating his eyes and quickly the smile returns and widens bigger than before. He's laughing which causes small dimples to form in his cheeks. Laughing at me.

I try to pocket my phone, it hits the fabric of my shorts but doesn't quite make it in but by then I've already started running off into a random direction trying to keep my face from turning several more shades of crimson. Behind me I can almost hear the sound of plastic colliding with the floor yet again. I make it a few turns around a couple of roads I don't recognise from the way here, not that I thought I would, my memory is ok but it's nothing special. Either way I end up nestled at some section of the river I'd been walking earlier that didn't look familiar and what was worth, I didn't have my phone. I thumbed my pocket out of habit and a little from the panic.

Shit.

---

I see the phone hitting the floor before it actually happens, I figured it would, I didn't know the guy but I could tell his luck was pretty sour. I'm halfway through a song but I take it to the end of the chorus before I fake a fit of coughing and start to pack up my stuff. Looking into the case I'd made a grand total of three pounds. Fucking fantastic, cheap ass holes. I pocket the money, it'll get me some food for the way home at least. Every time I come here to play at least one of these horny girls manages to get in my way when I leave, this time the moment my guitar case is zipped shut I break into a run except I stop just for a moment to pick up the phone on the floor. I don't stop to inspect it, instead I take off in the direction he'd been heading hoping to at least catch a glimpse of him between the crowds. He was heading in the opposite direction to my bus home and at this rate I'd miss the next one and be waiting around at least another half hour for the next, I'd considered leaving him for a second but I couldn't. I'd feel guilty all night if I took his phone with me I just hoped I'd find him soon.

Shit, since when did I start feeling guilt?

I round another corner onto a road full of clothing stores and catch sight of blonde hair at the other end towards the river. Breaking into a jog I make it past a slowly waddling old couple getting way too lovey dovey before my guitar case clips another guy on the back but I've broken into a run long before he sees me.

The crowds picked up considerably since I'd arrived this morning yet by the river seemed relatively free of people a little further in. It doesn't take long to find him leaning against the railings looking paler than the damn moon itself, if I knew any better I'd say he looked about ready for a nervous breakdown either that or he was going to be sick. Maybe both. I try to slow down before I get to him, I've been told by my mother of all people probably a thousand times that 6ft 4 looks awful scary when it's charging towards you.

I'm a little out of breath when I make it to just behind him so I pull out his phone and give it a quick go over, if I knew any better I'd say my face was turning blue from the lack of oxygen but hey, we could both join together to make a fantastic shade of purple. There's a little crack on the screen right at the bottom but it's nothing major, barely noticeable at least in comparison to half fractured glass on mine. That thing has seen more stairs than I'd like to claim. I reach down to place a hand on his shoulder when another message appears on the screen, I think I jump as much as he does. I don't mean to but I catch a small glimpse of the text that it shows revealing what seems to be half a tirade of profanity and threats along with an alert showing he'd had five missed calls.

'Holy shit!' I say aloud accidentally reading the line of text, before I know it he's staring up at me wide eyed and half panicked. I double take, embarrassed and can feel my face blushing. 'Sorry, I didn't mean to read it.' I push the phone into his hand, he's got a face a little like a person who's just had their cat run over, I'd done that once before except it had been followed pretty much instantly by crying and an attempt to punch me in the face. I sure as hell hoped he didn't try that. 'Seriously man, who the hell did you piss off?'.

He thanks me, he says it quietly like he's real nervous then takes a moment to scroll through the texts before he rolls his eyes. 'It's just my sister.' he starts sounding a little fed up 'she's the paranoid type.' he says holding the phone to his ear as he listens to the latest voice mail, wincing as the voice raises into a shout down the phone.

'So does she actually uh.' I motion amputating my leg forgetting the guitar case strapped to my back that almost sends me toppling over, I grab the rail before I do thankfully.

'Well I still have both mine.' he motions down with a little nervous laugh that I can't help find slightly cute, he still looked a little shaken up.

'Hey' I start weakly not entirely sure what to say 'you ok? The phones a little scuffed up but …' I lose my train of thought so resort to smiling instead, trying my best to make it as corny as possible, it works when he smiles at least. Thank fuck, that was my one of my best icebreakers. 'Well I just wanted to return it, couldn't let you leave that behind.' The guy eyes me up, I figure he's trying to judge whether I'm legit being considerate so I give him another smile, wave and go on my way.

I wish I got his name but does it really matter? I've never seen him round here before and I'll probably never see him again. He doesn't say anything and I'm halfway to the road I need to go down before he calls after me and I feel the clasp of a strong clammy hand on my arm.

'Wait!' The voice is quiet or maybe it's the impending crowd of people I'm about to walk into that blur it into the background noise but I do hear it, so I stop and turn to face him. He's playing with his blonde curls like a nervous child when I meet his eyes forcing him to look down, it takes a few moments for him to say anything. 'I'm a little lost' he begins and manages to meet my eyes again shooting me a look like a little lost puppy 'can you help?'