Racing Forward - 2. Chapter 2

The first memory I have of my father is of him snorting cocaine off of our dining room table. He was manic, insane when he wasn’t high and when he was high, he was useless. He kept my mother dependent on the drugs to keep her docile until she died and then his cocaine use became heroin became meth became anything he could get him hands on.

I would have been okay. I was scrappy. I could steal and fight and survive but I wasn’t alone when my father started to scratch at the walls or throw things. James was three years younger than me and utterly fucking defenseless. The kid was smart but he lacked any semblance of what it took to make in on the streets.

I was thirteen the first time I drove a car and I nearly killed both of us. Dad was sprawled out, in a drug haze so thick he couldn’t hear James’s cries when he had broken his arm. James had fallen while riding his bike, which had been held together with tape and hope. Back then I didn’t know how to fix metal. I had loaded him into the car and gave it a shot. I was already fast, we made it to the clinic faster than was near legal.

James had healed and I had found driving. We had places to be, Dad wasn’t buying us food anymore so I did until the money ran out and then I resorted to stealing. Stealing wasn’t enough. I couldn’t steal enough to support us. So then, I made the move that James hated. I joined the Jackals.

The Jackals had been infamous in our neighborhood. The purple color reflected back at you in every turn. They had been the unseen terror. James had run from them often. I hadn’t. We knew each other, they didn’t mess with me or James anymore. Turning to them for help wasn’t something I had wanted to do.

James didn’t accept that I was in a gang but I didn’t have a future to ruin. James was the hope for our family, I could barely scrape by in classes and I dropped out before I came close to graduating.

I tried to support him. I had distanced myself from him when I was a Jackal and even after I left I tried to keep the money flowing. He deserved to go to college, the money was good enough for it. I still sent him part of the money. It was sent under the guise a life insurance plan from my mom. I didn’t need anything. I reserved most of my money for him. He deserved a good life.

The prospect of seeing him again was beyond daunting. I sat in the passenger’s seat, Waugh was driving which ordinarily would have driven me nuts. I was the driver always, except if I had been driving there were no guarantees we would make it there alive.

Waugh had smirked when I demanded to see James almost if that was the original plan. I was almost sure that this was a setup, some kidnapping, or hostage experience but James was the only person with my information. I kept the hope and fear alive that I would see him.

The SUV pulled up to what looked like a prison gate. High fences and razor wire made for a forbidding scene—but nothing I wasn’t used to.The gate opened and we continued along a far more picturesque pathway—a sight I was far less used to. The house, if one could call it that, was enormous. It was a cross between a mansion and a fortress. I was escorted through the doors after only a brief scuffle with Waugh’s entourage about getting patted down. It would have been a pointless exercise; Waugh had already seen the knife I had on me.

Then again, maybe I’d be okay with a pat down by Waugh, but only maybe.

My eyes were a blur as I tried to take in the space around me. There was obvious opulence, crystal chandeliers and seemingly expensive paintings but there was an air that this was a façade there was more than met the eye. I tilted my face away from the security camera I clocked in the corner. I was sure there were more but minimization was key. I had hid too well for too long to have my face plastered over CCTV footage.

“Okay. Bring James to me,” I said, stopping in the center of the foyer.

Waugh turned slightly, “It would be more civilized to sit down.”

My bearing changed slightly, legs slightly farther apart, chest tilted outward, arms and shoulders loose. No one mistook what that meant, I would fight to see my brother and I sure as shit wasn’t going further into Waugh’s house. No one looked intimidated. I wouldn’t be able to fight any of them but Waugh’s look of utter impatience was a little insulting.

He went to the wall where there was just a fucking IPad attached and clicked around before speaking, “James, come to the entrance.” Idiotically, I wanted to snap that Waugh should show my little brother some respect. But angering this high-roller over him not saying please wasn’t going to happen.

I must have missed the signal but as one all of Waugh’s body-men disappeared into the house leaving only the two of us waiting in terse silence.

The glossy hardwood couldn’t muffle the sound of approaching feet. My heart kicked into overdrive. I hadn’t seen James in a long time, not since I ran away. Before even seeing him, guilt was heavy in my stomach anything that happened to him was my fault. The fact that he was living at some fortress run by guys who clearly shouldn’t be around my innocent little brother. Hell, I shouldn’t even be around him that’s why we don’t see each other. Well, that and the Jackals.

Feet came around the corner, converse sneakers. Surely different from the last time but it could have been him at 16: the same black high-top look. There was no denying it. It was James but now he was a man. We had always looked alike, the same generally lean build. The years had highlighted our differences. My arms were covered in ink while his were the same lightly tanned skin. His hair was still dark brown and cropped close while mine was nearly silver. Our eyes used to be the same, in a face that was almost my mirror. But my eyes were untrusting now while his still held most of the innocence he used to have.

He faltered for a moment and then was running. His arms caught around my neck and I staggered a little bit to keep us upright. I brought my arms around him breathing out a sigh of relief that he seemed whole. The years in between us had been torturous, of not knowing if he was in trouble and even if he wasn’t, not having any way to help him.

James released me and I noticed a wetness around his eyes, “Hey Roman.” It actually hurt my heart to hear my little brother call me by that name.

“It’s okay James, Waugh’s already called me Alec.” It seemed impotent but I couldn’t help but ask, “How are you?”

“I’m fine.”

An awkward silence filled the room. I had so many questions that I wanted to ask him but none in front of Waugh, “Can you leave us alone?”

He turned away from me to look at James giving him a reassuring look, “Feel free to sit in the main living room.” He paused and looked back to me before addressing James again, “Don’t hesitate to yell if you need something.” James smiled, his winning smile not seeming to pick up the warning that was being given to me. I prickled that Waugh thought I would hurt James though I let the slight go.

Waugh gave me a warning look before walking down a long hallway.

“I can’t believe you’re here.” James said, his voice low like a whisper.

“Me? I can’t believe you’re here. What the fuck, James? You’re supposed to be in college and you’re living in some thug’s house? What happened to the kid who hated crime?” It came out harsh, my irritation and fear for James bubbling up.

I felt like a dick when he ducked his head, “It was my only option.” He tilted his head back up, fixing me with what might have been the beginnings of anger. “Did you really think the Jackals would just be fine with you leaving?”

Suddenly murderous, “What did they do?”

“Came looking for you, of course.” James had been in college back then, just starting out but no where near their sphere of influence. My knees felt a little weak, I should have known they would look for James. I had been the source of a lot of income for the gang.

I felt fingers close around my arm and James leading me to a sitting area. “What did they do?” My fingers clenched in fists getting ready for his answer.

“Tried to get me to tell them where you were.” Such an evasion, he knew I got pissed when people fucked with him. He was a stubborn little shit “Look. It was bad, Alec. But I got out. Rodriguez and Mr. Waugh found me and got me out. I work for them now and yeah I told them about you.”

“You shouldn’t have done that.”

James scowled, “You shouldn’t have joined the Jackals and you shouldn’t be drag racing. Look, this is a good job where you’ll be safe. Come and work for Waugh.”

“How is this any different from the Jackals? Gangs and organized crime, James, they go hand in hand.”

“They take care of their own. You don’t have to trust them, trust me.”

My stomach churned. My autonomy was everything to me. But the only thing that could trump my need for agency was James. Hadn’t I said I would protect him? That I would do anything for him? Two deep breaths and I was still panicked. It was almost a question, “Fine.”

James looked giddy, “Really? That’s amazing. Really, really great.” He paused and screamed, “Mr. WAUGH!”

Seeming as if they had been around the corner the whole time three of the entourage including the apelike Rodriguez appeared. Waugh was on their toes.

He assessed the situation for a fraction of a second relaxing a fraction, “You called, James?

“Alec agreed to work for you.”

I groaned at the use of my name being used in front of the others. Waugh knowing was already compromising.

Waugh turned to his crew, “We will be addressing him as Roman and you will not tell anyone else Roman’s real name.” They all nodded slightly while James nodded like a bobble head. Waugh dismissed the men and turned to me, “Why are you called Roman?”

“Umm. My first drag race someone didn’t pay their debts to me and so I blew up their car with a Roman Candle dipped in kerosene.” I didn’t add that first I had gutted the car for parts. That was unnecessary.

James hadn’t heard that story, his face blanching while Waugh let out a laugh that shook me with its bass. It was full and joyful.

“Well, great. So we’ll also consult you for any arson jobs. Let me show you the space.”

I followed behind Waugh feeling like I had sold my soul to the devil.