Jumping Off - 1. Chapter 1

Jumping Off

Jason sat on a large boulder over a scene that could easily have graced the pages of a child's storybook. A few feet from where he sat, a small creak fed a waterfall. The water was perfectly clear. It cascaded down a wall of stone so tall and straight it look artificial. A thin mist perpetually hung around the bottom scattering the sunlight into a swirling rainbow of brilliant colors. The water poured into a small lake that despite the turbulence seemed deep and calm. For Jason the water was full of memories.

He watched children play in the water and remembered his own childhood. He was only five when he first saw these enchanted waters. His older cousin had taken him there. They had walked to the end of their quiet street and entered what looked like a forest. The pine trees seemed to reach the sky and filled the air with their wonderful fragrance. When they reached the little lake it was as if they had stepped into a fantasy. Anything was possible and there were no adults around. It was a place for those whose minds and hearts were young and free.

For many years he spent the hot days of summer playing there with his friends. They floated toy boats and built rafts. The lake became an ocean to them and they became pirates. They lived out their fantasies until dinnertime when the shadows grew long and the real world began to miss them.

There were plenty of stories about the lake and the small pine forest. Most of them were invented around campfires or diner tables and soon forgotten but one had survived for generations. It was about a boy who had jumped off the top of the waterfall into the lake. No one really knew if he existed at all and his fate depended largely on the storyteller. Some said he broke his neck and died. Others said that he dissolved into the swirling mist. Jason's favorite ending was one in which the boy fell so far that he reach the bottom of the bottomless lake. When he emerged form the water he found himself in a different and better world.

Jason was not so lucky. One night when he was eleven he and his friends had stayed out later than usual. When they finally noticed the sun nearing the horizon they split up, each taking the shortest path home. As Jason ran between the pine trees he hoped that his parents would not be angry. As he neared the paved road he saw some older children. He ignored them at first but then he noticed that they were watching him. He tried to be friendly but they threw him to the ground calling him a freak. Even then there seemed to be something different about him. He was like the one speckled bird in the flock who would eventually be pecked to death. He was kicked and punched repeatedly.

The first blow was to his face. Then someone kicked his back. They sought out the most vulnerable spots on his body. Punches fell mercilessly on his face. One older boy kept hitting his temple and calling him names that he did not understand. Another boy punched him in the stomach. A girl put out a stolen cigarette on his face. When they were satisfied with the blood they had drawn someone kicked him in the groin for good measure. Then they walked away as if nothing happened. He lay on the ground for what seemed like hours and then slowly walked home.

After that day he stayed away from the lake and the forest where he had once felt safe. The bruises healed in a few days but the incident left him much more self-conscious. He used to enjoy being unique. It had been the source of his popularity, but now it had become a liability. Afraid, he tried hard to fit in. He had once enjoyed being the center of attention but now he refused to stand out. He mimicked his peers flawlessly. Denying any measure of individuality, he got lost in the crowd. All through high school his friends effectively chose what he wore, what he liked to do, and even whom he dated.

As he grew into adulthood his memory of the lake faded. He had mastered the art of being normal and was rewarded with a well paying job. He rented a small house near his childhood home. It seemed that he had outgrown his troubles. Confident that he had nothing to fear, Jason began to relax and enjoy life again. Then someone began spreading nasty rumors about him at work. No one came to beat him or kick him but they talked about him in whispers and gave him strange looks. The sudden change made him nervous.

The stress followed him home. He began to go for long walks after work to distract himself and soon found his old childhood haunt. The lake that had been a symbol of fear for so long now became a sanctuary again. As a child he had run straight for the water but now he preferred to sit on a large boulder in the shadow of a tree. There seemed to be an invisible barrier between him and the realm of happy children. Only the occasional carefree parent dared to cross it.

Jason spent more time by the waterfall as the weather became warmer and the gossip uglier. At work the careful whispering had given way to open conversation. He finally learned that some one had started a rumor that he liked some of his male coworkers a little too much. Under the professional veneer, their workplace was run by medieval superstition. He denied the accusation but no one listened to him. The situation was becoming more of a witch-hunt every day. Jason found comfort in the soothing sound of the water and the happy laughter. He was safe in his little hiding place by the waterfall. He sat in the shadows of the big fragrant pines where no one could see him and he could watch the children in peace. In this quiet spot he could vicariously share in their joy until they all ran home. Even after everyone was gone Jason sat memorized by the deep blue water.

One day he sat watching the empty lake hypnotized by the rhythmic ripples that bounced off its shores. He remembered the legend of the boy who jumped from the waterfall. Despite the repetition of the story there was no record of any one ever jumping from the rocks. It was assumed that such an adventure would be lethal. Jason wondered if it really was. Just past the waterfall was the deepest part of the lake. As a child he had tried to reach the bottom but he never even got close enough to see it.

His thoughts were interrupted by a disturbance in the regular ripples. Jason scanned the lake wondering if one of the children had returned. His eyes soon fixed on a figure in the water. The swimmer was too tall to be one of the children, yet he swam with a grace that few adults possessed. His slim body moved through the water in gentle strokes that hardly disturbed the calm lake. He seemed more mermaid than man. Jason watched him until he returned to the land and disappeared into the woods.

As Jason walked home he listened to the crickets and frogs. Sleepy birds cooed to each other as they settled in for the night. Fireflies zipped through the trees flashing as they searched for their mates. It was a beautiful night but Jason was haunted by the memory of the beating. It was like a nightmare that he could not make himself forget. He wondered if he had really stood out or if he was just in the wrong place at the wrong time.

The next day after work he returned to his usual spot. He watched the children and thought of his attackers again. He remembered the names they had called him that night. Even the bottomless lake was not deep enough to drown the hateful words. They were surfacing again at work. There were no physical injuries this time but the pain was the same. He was called "pretty boy" to his face and much worse things not quite behind his back.

As he watched the children start to leave he felt like an outcast and a failure. With no one around the lake seemed deeper than before and lonely. Jason wished he could throw all his problems in and watch them sink to the bottom. The lake still held some magic for him. The water seemed capable of washing away even the worst memories. He watched the shore letting his eyes follow the undulating boundary between water and land. Then he saw the swimmer form the previous day appear out of the pines like a nymph. Jason watched the young man take of his sandals and t-shirt exposing a slender boyish figure. In the afternoon light his skin looked soft and golden. It was almost unreal.

Jason was captivated by the swimmer's rhythmic movements. As he glided through the water, blue waves swept over him. He seemed to change color as he swam towards the waterfall. For a moment all of Jason's worries seemed to disappear in the presence of this strange otherworldly beauty. Then he remembered the gossip at work. He had been accused of staring at other men. He had denied it at the time but now he had caught himself red-handed. His heart sank and he hated himself but his eyes refused to leave the water. Finally he bit his own hand hard enough to draw blood. The pain brought him out of the trance and he walked home.

He avoided the lake for the next few days determined not to let himself become the hated shameful creature that everyone said he was. He missed the smell of the pines and the deep soothing water, but he feared the power they held over him. He had worked harder than anyone could imagine just to seem normal. He had almost succeeded but his world had no mercy on him. That Friday he was fired. The manager had mumbled something about cut backs and poor sales but they both knew the truth.

That afternoon Jason returned to the lake and sat on the rock. He had nothing to loose. He watched the children play and then he watched them leave. Finally he was all alone. The lake seemed to call to him from its infinite blue depths. He walked to the top of the waterfall. He took off his shoes feeling the texture of the rocks under his feet. He wondered if that rough warm surface was the last thing the boy in the legend had felt before he jumped. Looking out over the lake Jason took in the view. In the distance he could see the mysterious young man preparing for his daily swim. He saw Jason standing on the rocks and their eyes met. Jason could not deny the feelings he had for the stranger. He took a step back from the edge. Then with one powerful leap he dove off the rocks.

He could feel the rainbow mist rushing past him with ever greater speed. With his eye closed he plunged into the deep water. At first he seemed to fall as quickly through water as he had through the air but eventually he slowed down. He opened his eyes and saw himself descending in a vast expanse of blue. Above him he could see nothing but water. Below him he could feel sand. He had reached the bottom and it was real and solid. He pushed himself off and swam to the surface.

The upward journey seemed too long. He closed his eyes and struggled to hold his breath. At last he broke through the surface and inhaled the fresh air. For a moment he felt like a child again and he believed that anything was possible. Remembering the legend he opened his eyes. He expected to see the lake, the waterfall, and the forest. Instead he found himself looking into the other man's deep blue eyes.