Symbiota Sapiens - 9. Chapter 9

Chapter 9

When the computer finally let me out of my weird little coma, I just lay in bed a while. How the hell am I
going to just get up and face Julian now, after everything that just happened? I mean, lets just count them down.
First of all, last night. Julian isn't aware of the fact that I tossed him off in his sleep but I sure as hell still
am. That in itself was bad enough this morning. Now there's the additional fact that he knows about me spying on him
that other night. And also his fresh memory of me vocally getting off in the bathroom. And of me collapsed on the
shower floor, surrounded by spunk, in a post-orgasmic stupor. Fuck.

Add to that the fact that I now have to plot a way to swap spit with him, my own brother, without fucking
things up between us. I mean, bad enough to have to do it at all. But there's also the fact that he's already so
messed up by my pheremones that it's going to be tricky to make him hate it without hating me. Or thinking I'm
gay or something. And how the hell do I manage that?

I groan a bit and sit up in bed. Julian is still working on the laptop...from where I'm sitting it looks like
he's got some schematics for the electronic bug up and is working away at it happily. Ha. He's got the almost-undivided
attention of the most powerful computer he's ever dreamed of, complete with self-aware AI. Who has his personality. And
they're doing a futuristic electronics project together. He'll be entertained for hours.

Julian looked up and cast me a curious look when I let out an involuntary snicker.

"Look at you, like a kid with a new toy."

He looked at the laptop, back up at me, shrugged dismissively and went back to work.

I leaned over and snagged the phone, time to call room service.

"Pizza?"

That got a noncommittal grunt of permission. I know from experience, that's the most I'm going to get out of him
for awhile. I made the order.

Julian ate with one hand, not looking away from the laptop. I sprawled on the bed. Brooding. How the hell am I
going to do this? I consulted the AI.

:Did you tell Julian about the sexual buildup thing?:

::I mentioned it. He was a bit shocked about the incident in the shower, wondered if he'd be having to carry
you to safety every time you got off, for the rest of your life.::

:How much did you tell him?:

::That your sex drive has been massively enhanced, and that you're suffering the effects of buildup as a result
of remaining celibate for so many hours.::

Julian jumped as I let out a bark of laughter.

:For so many hours? Did you really say it like that?:

::Well, yeah. Just like that. Why?::

:It just sounds so ridiculous. Like I'm an old-fashioned watch that has to be wound several times a day.:

::Well...I suppose the analogy isn't far off.::

:Oh. Oh well then, guess that won't work.:

::I didn't really specify whether you needed to actually have sex to solve the problem, if that's what you're
thinking.::

:Really? Um...okay so as far as he can tell, the reason why I blacked out and just had the mother of all
masturbation sessions is because I'm a ticking bomb of sexual frustration. And he doesn't know that the 'shower
incident' took care of that for now?:

::No he doesn't. I let him assume that that was a symptom rather than the remedy.::

:Good then.:

::You plan to assault him, and then use this as an excuse?::

:Jeez, you don't have to make it sound like I'm trying to get into his pants and then lie to cover it up like
some pervert!:

::Not his pants. A kiss will suffice. But you should probably act like you're trying to do more than kiss and
wait for him stop you.::

:Ugh. True. But remember this is your idea, not mine.:

::My memory is quite clear on the matter.::

:Good.:

::So when are you going to do it?::

:I don't know. I can't just jump him while he's working like this. It'd be too random. I'll have to wait for
an opportunity.:

::Perhaps an argument?::

:Spose that could work. Though I really don't want him to be too mad at me for this. If it were at night it'd
be so much easier. Maybe we should wait.:

::The longer you wait, the longer he will be at risk.::

:Yeah. But we're not going out of this room until after tonight anyways. I need to be able to detect when someone
with one of those new implants is around.:

::True. But tonight you go into lockdown to finish that construction. It would seem odd for you to attack him
on accident when you're incapable of moving without special clearance with your AI.::

:Shit. You're right. Okay, so it has to be during the day then. But I'll need the opportunity to work out.:

::I suspect that will never happen if we continue working on the electronics project.::

:Damn right it wont.: I smirk.

::Don't worry, I'll make up a delay.::

Julian made an annoyed sound and clacked away at the keyboard a bit before closing the laptop with a sigh.

"Done working?"

"Yeah, the Kid wants to get his hands on the very latest tech, which means breaking into government databases."

"Oh, that'll take long?"

"Best to do at night. When we aren't the only ones accessing at one time."

"Oh. Yeah guess that's smart. So what now?"

"Um...I dunno. See what's on TV?"

"Okay, sounds like a plan."

We both got up and made our way to the bedroom door.

"Hey, um. You didn't have to, you know-" I waved at the floor where he'd been sitting with his laptop, at the
foot of my bed.

"Take care of you?"

"Well, actually, about that...thanks for helping me. And. Um...that was...I was...sorry you had to see that. In
the shower, I mean."

"Don't worry. The Kid explained it to me. You'll be allright, just need to get laid is all." He patted my shoulder
consolingly.

"Uh. Yeah. I really need to get laid."

We sat on the couch in the living room and clicked on the TV. After a few minutes of clicking we came to a conclusion.

"Daytime TV really sucks, you know that?"

"Yeah. 300 channels and they're all crap."

"What about a movie?"

"Cool. And we could nuke some popcorn too." I waved at the courtesy tray loaded with nut mixes, cheeses, crackers,
and two packets of microwave popcorn."

"Alright, you get the popcorn, I'll pick out a movie."

"Brat." I got up and grabbed the popcorn, headed for the other room.

When I got back Julian was sprawled out on the couch, the movie already started. He met my eyes daring me to complain.

"You really are a brat, aren't you." I tossed his bag of popcorn at him and sat next too him, deliberately spreading
myself out to challenge his claim of two thirds of the couch.

I felt the heat coming from his skin as he refused to yield, our shoulders, arms, and legs pressing against each
other as we each made our childish play for belligerence. Fine then. I glued my eyes to the TV set, barely aware of some
geeky sci-fi film playing. Another hit, Julian knows I hate this shit. I set my jaw, grimly refusing to acknowledge this,
and tried to ignore the firm pressure of his toned body pressed against mine. Time went on.

I tend to eat my popcorn one piece at a time, savoring the butter and the crisp crunch of each kernel. Not Julian.
He shovels it into his mouth like a hotdog-eating contest. When, ten minutes into the movie...something about a woman being
made of alien DNA?...Julian crumpled his bag, tossed it on the coffee table, and reached into my lap for mine, I wasn't
quite ready to give it up.

"No." I caught his wrist where it disappeared into the opening of my bag. Not even looking away from the screen.

"Cmon Jer, you've got plenty."

"You've had plenty. This is my bag."

"You never eat a whole bag." And with that his hand tried to dive into the bag again. I held it fast.

"Because you always take half of it before I'm half started with it." I snapped.

"Hey, you're not still mad about the movie, right?" He actually sounded worried.

"No."

"Jer?"

I finally let my eyes release the stupid movie and looked at him. He was still caught leaning towards me, arm
stretched over my chest, wrist caught against my stomach. His face glowed in moving color from the television screen.
His eyes were darkened in the shadows, a liquid sullen glimmer as he looked me in the eye. We both paused.

::Perfect.:: The AI noted triumphantly. I felt an unmistakable surge as my groin seemed to leap to life, there sitting
next to my brother, our faces inches apart.

::There. That should help. Now, quickly. This is the opportunity you were looking for.::

I felt like I was in an altered state as the hand not clutching Julian's wrist reached for his face. But no, don't be
silly. No altered state, I won't lie to myself. The AI isn't doing this, not this time. It was entirely me that was leaning
forward, letting my hand rest on the side of his neck, curling around to pull his face towards me. I'm screaming with guilt
for what I'm about to do. I have reasons, dammit. I'm doing this to save him, for his own good. There's no other way to get
the virus into him. No other way to assure him that this isn't what he really wants.

Our lips touch, softly. Harder now, I crash my lips onto his, my whole body lurching, my weight on him to push him
backwards into the couch and my hand forces his jaw so his lips open and my tongue moving forward to slide between them,
into his mouth, past his teeth and touching his tongue too. I clench my hands, sinking my fingers in to bruise the fragile
skin of his upper arms and I'm still plundering the inside of his mouth, hot, wet, slithering tongue against my own and
weak, soft lips being pulverized by my harsh mouth and teeth. I lift him up by his arms even as I drive him back into the
cushions with my chest on his chest, I can feel his heart pounding under mine, his whole body shaking with quiet sobs.

Sobs?

I pull back quickly and I'm horrified to see what I've done. Julian's eyes are closed, his face screwed up with hurt,
tears bathing his cheeks. Hands clutch compulsively at each other on his chest as my little brother quietly weeps as if his
heart is broken.

"Oh my god. Julian?" I reach out a tentative hand to wipe his wet cheek but he flinches from my touch, a gasp escaping
him as his eyes spring open. A world of hurt in those eyes, staring at me, accusing me.

"Julian. I'm...I'm sorry. I shouldn't have...done that."

How the hell do you apologize for kissing, no, for fucking mauling your own brother? He's sobbing more openly now,
mouth opening and closing as if trying to start to say something but hindered by his own sobs.

"I...you...kissed...Jer...don't."

I stared at him, hands shaking. I want to hug him, touch him, offer him some kind of physical reassurance but given
the circumstances that'd probably be a really bad idea just about now. I felt desperate and out of control.

"Shh. I'm sorry Julian, I really didn't mean to do that. Just...these damn hormones are so fucking out of control,
now I've gone and...and...fucking KISSED you. You! Julian, I would NEVER! I mean, anyone but you! You've got to believe
me Julian!"

::Is this sort of reaction normal? He isn't really severely injured. Just some extensive bruising on the arms, and
his lips are quite-::

:Oh my god! I forgot I'm so much stronger!:

I looked anxiously at the injuries the AI mentioned. Sure enough, fresh bruises were starting to appear on his
arms. Not only the skin but the muscles had taken damage from my squeezing fingers. And his lips were - going to be
sore for a while.

:Oh fuck, I really hurt him!:

::I don't think the physical injuries are anything he isn't used to.::

That was right. I'd seen him sprain his ankle and barely break a sweat. This was barely worth mention to Julian.
Why the tears then? I felt the deep weight of guilt settling on my chest. So, it wasn't that part. It was because I'd
kissed him at all. Damn. His own brother. He must feel so betrayed.

::So this is an emotional reaction. Still, I don't see why he should feel betrayed of all things. Your memories
show you've fought physically many times before, with more impressive results. No betrayal here. Perhaps it's something
else?::

:What the fuck would you know?!? You stupid AI. I just fucking kissed him! I practically mauled him into the ground
and raped him for Christ's sake! No betrayal?!? You don't have the first clue about human emotions so do us all a favor
and keep your stupid face out of them!:

::Very well.:: The AI was quiet for a moment.

::Well, I'm quite sure the transmission was successful. You transferred quite a bit of saliva.::

:YOU! Shut the FUCK up!: I practically screamed at the AI in my head. He did.

I turned my attention back to Julian. He'd gotten control of himself now and had obviously been watching the play of
emotions across my face as I conversed with the AI in my head. Drawing back at the fury that must have showed in that last
exchange.

I closed my eyes for a moment to calm down.

"Julian? Please, I know you're probably scared of me now. Oh God. How could I do that to you?"

He was watching me, warily. He opened his mouth, hesitated, then talked in a voice hoarse from his crying.

"I. Jeremey. It's okay. I'm not scared of you. Well, a little."

"You should be!" I said fiercely, hating myself. "I'm a fucking monster! I...I was completely out of control and
I hurt you."

"No you didn't! Not much!" He protested. "Jeremey, it's not that! We fight all the time and that's nothing, you
know."

"I know but...but..." I lowered my voice to a horrified whisper. "I kissed you!"

"Yeah. Um. Not bad, you know." He tried a grin. It came out kind of shaky. He was trying to make me feel better. Of
all things.

"I'm so, so sorry."

"Jeremey." He put a hand on my arm.

"It's okay. The...the AI told me. About your condition. Um. He said sometimes you might not act quite like yourself.
Because you're horny and need to get laid. Like, literally NEED to. I understand."

"Yeah but. God. It shouldn't have been you, though."

"Maybe not." He lowered his eyes. "But it happened. So let's not let it fuck up our lives any more than we already
are, okay?"

"Uh, yeah. Um. But I'm really sorry for hurting you. I mean, even though you knew what was going on. I mean I almost,
I practically raped you." I said softly.

"Well, no I wouldn't go that far." he said uncomfortably.

"Julian. Please. If we're going to get past this we've got to talk about it. I was there, I saw you crying, don't try
to spare my feelings by saying you didn't feel hurt when I did that."

"Look. Jeremey. It wasn't that. I mean, it's not that I'm trying to spare your feelings. It's just embarrassing is
all."

"I know. I mean, jeez. We're both guys. I'm embarrassed too. But...you weren't exactly consensual. And I was a bit
out of my mind with lust and you happened to be in the wrong place, wrong time. So...yeah it's embarrassing but nothing
to feel insecure about, right?"

"Well, no maybe not. But...Jeremey, it's not quite that simple, really."

"I know. I still kissed you. Consensual or not, it happened. And it's going to be hard to forget and all. I totally
understand if...you're going to be a bit nervous with me. Or not want to dress in the same room or...or...share a bed or
anything. It would be awkward. And maybe...maybe dangerous."

"Jeremey, will you just shut it? I...I...you don't get it at all!"

"Get what? And no, I do! I get it! Just...Julian, please try not to...to hate me or anything. Or to be scared of me.
I mean, you're really important to me and I love you and I don't want you to be scared of me!"

"JEREMEY just SHUT UP!" Julian bellowed.

I gaped at him.

"I'm trying to tell you something." He said more softly. I just nodded.

"It's not that I feel betrayed or anything, anything like that. But...well, I don't know how to really say this but
that was kind of...my first kiss. Um...yeah."

I just gaped at him. Well, there's the answer to my question before. He really was a virgin. More than a virgin, my
god, that was his first- My face burned with shame. His first kiss was me. His brother, taking advantage of him. His first
kiss is his brother practically raping him in a mindless sexual frenzy. A guy. Fuck.

"Oh god. Julian. You've never even...kissed a girl before? But why?"

"Never really...wanted to, I guess." He wouldn't meet my eyes.

"Julian. But, you could have...said something. I know lots of girls, I could have hooked you up! You're a really
impressive guy you know. Any girl would love you. Hell, if I were a girl I'd be head over heels in love with you right
now, you're such a stud!" I grinned, hoping he'd crack a smile. Nothing, he was still looking down.

"Hey. It doesn't mean anything. That your first kiss was a...I mean, that it was me. You didn't ask for it, it was
just...stupid. It doesn't mean anything."

More confident, this time, I put my hand on his chin, raised it so he'd meet my eyes. Gentle.

"Hey. It doesn't mean anything. It's not your real first kiss. Okay? It doesn't count."

His eyes filled with tears.

"But it does. Because...because...Jer. It was...I mean..." He trailed off, eyes widening with fear.

"Hey, it's okay." I soothed him. "You're my brother. I love you. Okay? I'd never hurt you. Not for anything."

He swallowed.

"I'm...gay." He whispered.

Then he started to cry again.