Eyes - 1. Chapter 1

Maybe I should start by telling you what I look like, but that wouldn’t be much fun, now would it? I mean, most others don’t really know what I look like, except they probably only catch a blurred glimpse of me; and you don’t really think I’m going to let you be more privileged than them, do you? I’ll let you know just what I think they see. That way I can keep it fair.

Let’s see, I think most people would notice the paleness of my face under the moons light, and I’m thinking in the dark my eyes will probably look like bottomless pits. I kind of love eyes actually. I mean, there is nothing more perfect in the human body than eyes. You can tell so much about a person by staring into them, and you can watch their life flicker away. But even after death, eyes still hold my attention. For me it’s like I’m always caught in another’s gaze and I just can’t break the spell they have over me. . but I’m kind of getting sidetracked right now.

Alright I was talking about my appearance I think. So, we’ve gone through I’m pale, I guess that’s the result of spending most of my time indoors. That and I really only walk around at night, when I can’t see people’s eyes and be so tempted. As for my hair, I like to keep it cut kinda short, because I don’t ever want to neaten or style it, but at the same time, I don’t want to look crazy. I mean, truth be told, I’m kind of lonely and would love to get a partner, so I just try to look decent. My body is just average; no muscle, but also no fat.. actually I really hate muscular people. They are always just so large and dominant, they kinda freak me out. I prefer guys smaller than me. The ones that I know I can control. But I think I’m already telling you too much.. I guess I am actually starting to trust you though. Well, it’s not like we know each other, but just being able to talk to someone, even if it is the little voice inside my head as I write this out, helps me. So I think we’re going to be friends now. Right? Friends.

So now that I can trust you, I guess I should tell you a little more about me. Firstly I’m like 20 I think. I kind of gave up with counting my birthdays after my parents passed on, but I think I’m around there. I still live in the house I grew up in. After my parents were killed, I just couldn’t bring myself to leave. I feel so close to them here, so I just ended up staying. As for income I’m still living on the money they left me, and when that runs out I’m hoping to have a partner to rely on..

But anyways, aside from that, I don’t do a hell of a lot. I never watch TV, because just the eyes on the screen drive me crazy. How I can see them and never get to them, it makes my insides just knot up and freeze over; it’s such torture. Mainly I just use online chat rooms, because they seem to fulfill my social needs and at the same time I don’t run the risk of losing my grip on sanity. There are a few people who I call my friends. Like there’s Bill231 and Callie555, but I have never met them. I have never even seen pictures of them, because I’m scared that if I see their face, I won’t be able to stop thinking about their eyes.

Now that I think about it, I don’t really know anything about the two, but I message them whenever I’m bored and they message back. The conversations are mainly dry though, but they keep me moving through the days.

But you friend, I think you are different from them, right? Because we are having a very long conversation right now. I think we are going to be very good friends, maybe someday we will meet. Oh, I really wonder how your eyes look. Are they blue? I love blue so much. Alex’s eyes are blue.

Oh friend! I should probably tell you who Alex is. He’s my boyfriend. Well.. kind of. Two weeks ago, exactly, I was going down the street to a grocery store so I could stock up for the week. It was about 10pm at the time, and I always walk with my head down, just so I don’t get tempted, but when I was going to cash out, I saw him in the reflection of the darkened windows. He was also looking out and I could see the blue reflection of his eyes next mine in the window. I couldn’t help myself. I just had to see them clearly, so I turned and stared at him. They were the same shade of blue that the ocean gets on a hot summer’s evening. So deep and so perfect I was forever transfixed in them. So, I did something that I never do, and I walked up to him.

“Hey..” I nearly whispered as I stared into those orbs. I watched them spark to life as my words jolted him into consciousness.

“Can I help you?” he asked and his eyes started flickering slightly. I loved seeing the curiosity and perhaps slight fright filling them.

“You look so stunning..” I really had no idea what to say so I just drew out my words as I tried to think.

“What?” his eyes sparked up and I could see the defense building behind them.

“Uh, well what I meant to say is.. Actually.. Do you go for guys?” I was getting a little nervous, as you can probably tell.

“You mean gay? I don’t know about that.. I like to keep an open mind.. but I don’t know.” He started to narrow those blue orbs at me.

“Okay, I’m sorry.. I have just never done this and, well, after my parents passed away, I’ve been so lonely” Normally I would lower my gaze at this point, but with his eyes, I just couldn’t look away. Immediately I saw them go from their slanted defense into soft pools.

“Oh, well, I’ll tell you what. How about we start as friends. My name’s Alex.” I think he extended his hand to me, but I couldn’t be bothered to look down. It’s like hooking a fish. Once you have the hook in, you need to set and, and my hook wasn’t set yet.

“But I already have friends, and after a while they all leave.. I miss feeling loved. I miss how it feels to be hugged. You know, my mother hugged me every night..” I watched as his eyes started to grow with shock.

“Okay, okay, I think we shouldn’t have this conversation in the middle of a store,” his shining oceans started to dart back and forth, ”uh.. how about I take you out to dinner?”

“Really? But, I can actually cook quite well.” Alright, truth be told friend, that was a major lie, but I didn’t want to go somewhere public with my catch.

“Well..” his orbs were equal mixes of intrigue, fright, and discontent, “Alright.”

And so that was how I got him, friend. Pretty well played, don’t you think? Actually we talked a little more, like he asked me my name and stuff, but no one can no my name friend. I’m sorry, it’s just policy. I mean, under the circumstances, I told Alex my name, and a few others, but that’s just because I chose them.

So friend, Alex and I decided that he would come over to my house, three days from then, and I would cook him a nice dinner. I knew he really didn’t want to, I could sense it in his eyes. That’s the funny thing about them, they basically scream everyone’s feelings, but most people are too nervous to make eye-contact, so they never notice. I knew he would decide to go with me though, because most people can’t overcome the urge to help others. All you have to do is bait a hook for sympathy and you will never run out of people.

And friend, that day did come; the day Alex and I agreed to share. I’ll be honest with you friend, I actually just ordered a pizza from a nearby store, and decided I would tell Alex that my stove stopped working. I even went as far as unplugging the stove just in case he tried to test my lie.

So he came in and again I could see the tides roaring with fear in his oceans, but still he stayed. I didn’t do anything to threaten him though, and so I think that’s why he stayed, but I still wonder why he and all the others still stayed when their oceans roar.

You see friend, just like the others Alex sat down in the old wooden chair across from mine. He stayed in the room that still hung with the pictures of me as a child and of my parent’s wedding night. He feasted from a chipped plate that my mother received as an anniversary present, and his nervous fingers traced the worn red tablecloth, which I still have never washed. My Alex breathed in that stale, unmoving air and he willingly stayed in the house where time was frozen to the day before my parents’ death. Just like the others he stayed. Just like the others, he cared enough about me to stay. But I knew he wouldn’t be like the others. I knew he wouldn’t leave me like they did.

The others, they always left me. After we would eat, and I would convince them to come into my bedroom, then they would leave. But they never left the room friend, they just left my life. You see, friend, I would always have the intention of just cuddling with them, and feeling their love, but it just didn’t work out that way. Their eyes always ruined it.

I was so sure that Alex would be different; I was so sure that he was the right one for me and that his eyes wouldn’t push me, but I was so wrong friend. So wrong. I convinced him to come to my room, I convinced him to lie on my bed. But friend, when I shut the door and turned around, those eyes were looking up at me. They were so large, so bright with fear, so irresistible. I lost him friend.

Those orbs took a hold of my heart and they ripped at it until my sanity tore. I lunged at him, just like with the others, and I clamped my moist hands around his pulsing neck. But friend, it’s okay, because he wasn’t right for me anyways. If he was right, this wouldn’t have happened at all, so, well, it’s not that bad. It’s just nature’s way of preparing me for a relationship.

So friend, really don’t be shocked or anything. I mean this always happens so it’s not a big deal. They always leave me and I’m left to clean up their mess. So, with Alex, I just did the same as the others. I buried his body in the crawlspace of my house, but first I took out those eyes.

You see friend, I need the eyes. I took them out and I put them in a jar of formaldehyde. Then I labeled that jar with the date, time, and ‘Alex,’ and I put them in the box next to the other’s eyes and my parents’.

So then it was over friend. I’m still a little shaken after this one, because his eyes were just so powerful, but I think I will be able to get through it. I thought writing might help me out, but I’m not sure if it has. I still have you though friend, right? Please don’t be upset with me. I promise that I won’t collect your eyes as well. I would never do it, because I know you are the right one friend. And please don’t judge me friend.

Everyone has their secrets.