The Knife that Twists Within - 4. On those cold nights

Three days later Nicholas came downstairs and sat at the kitchen table where Anna had made the breakfast. He sat down and looked at the slices of bread and marmalade. There was nothing more. Nicholas sighed and went to the fridge, opened it and pulled out butter, sausage and orange juice. Anna was a great one for her gargantuan lunches but for breakfast she was stingy like the old man in Dicken's Christmas tale whose name Nicholas had forgotten.

He heard Marcus coming down the stairs with his suitcase which he placed in the hall, and entered the kitchen. Silently he sat at the table and looked at his plate.

"Hungry?" Nicholas asked.

"Hm, not very. I see, Anna was economical again."

"Yes, but I can make you something better."

Marcus looked at the young man and smiled weakly. "You don't have to. It's enough." Listless he took a slice of bread and smeared butter upon in. "When do you have to go to the Academy?"

Nicholas looked at the kitchen watch. "In about an hour."

Marcus took a bite from his slice of bread and looked intently. "Promise me to look after yourself?"

Nicholas looked up. "You mean Frank? Hm, what could happen? He certainly won't rape me on the floor of the class room! And if he tries, I'll scream bloody murder!"

Marcus grinned. "Ok, watch out nevertheless. Always, promise?"

"Yes, if you insist."

Marcus was restless and couldn't sit in his chair. He rose and went into the hall to put on his coat. Nicholas followed. Marcus pulled him into a tight embrace, kissed his mouth and whispered, "I'd much rather stay here, especially now ... but ... don't let yourself seduced by other handsome men." He grinned, opened the door, turned and said, "I'll call you as soon as I arrive." Another long glance and he closed the door.

Nicholas felt a bit forlorn standing there in the large hall. Slowly he entered the kitchen again and began to put the plates into the dish washer.

The phone rang in the hall and Nicholas was startled for a moment. He went into the hall.

"Hi, angel, Marcus still there?" he heard Sebastian's voice.

"No, you've just missed him. Where have you been the last three days?"

"In bed, most of the time..."

"Are you ill?"

"No," Sebastian chuckled, "actually very much alive, Nicki. So Marcus is gone already. What a pity, I thought he'd still be there for a couple of hours. Shall I come to you to play the baby-sitter again?"

"Baby-sitter?" Nicholas frowned but knew instantly Sebastian was joking.

"Yes, please, daddy, I'm feeling very lonely in the big house!"

"Now, seriously, do you want to stay at Marcus?"

"Yes. But now I have to hurry. I've got to register at the academy this morning."

"Do you want me to come with you?"

"No! What's the matter with you? Are YOU lonely?"

"I had company for three days, thank you."

"Kay?" Nicholas said excited.

"Kay. He phoned in sick for work!"

"Ah! Sick, eh? And which of you now needs a little soothing ointment?"

"I was the top, honey."

"Oh, poor Kay and his more poor ass! But shouldn't you actually in Rome?"

"Rome? What's that? Ah, I remember vaguely. Well, actually I wanted to speak with you both, but now it will have to wait until Marcus' return. But whenever you feel lonely call me, ok?"

"Will do. By the way can you give me Kay's number?"

After Nicholas noted the number on the pad he hung up, drank his coffee, had a bite from the slice of bread and left the house.

He used the suburban rail and the tram to reach the old, ivy-covered brick building of the academy of Arts. He stood a moment in silence in front of it and watched the young people going in and out. Marcus had told him not to go to the usual rooms where the registering took place, but into the office where everything would be arranged. Certainly Marcus had used his influence to get him a place but Nicholas didn't mind.

He passed the long queue standing in front of the wooden door with the notice 'register here' and searched for the secretary. He smelled again the familiar and long-missed scent of paints and spirit, glue and floor-wax, passed lads and girls with sketch pads under their arms, in paint-blotched smocks and enjoyed the feeling of being there again. Finally he found the right door, knocked and entered.

Ten minutes later he had filled in his register had learnt that he could start with the new semester beginning next week and felt happy.

"Nick?"

Nicholas lifted his head and tried to focus it at the man who was just came around the corner. He wore a white smock and had some sheets in his hand. He know the piercing light blue eyes very well and it gave him a feeling almost as if he had been punched in the stomach.

"Have you lost your way or can I welcome you again into my working group?"

It was Frank staring at him curiously.

Nicholas cleared his throat. "If the price to be here is to work in your group then I will pay it."

"Indeed you will? The last time I saw you you were running out of my flat! And leaving a very strange present for me at the blankets..."

"You remember this? Must have left a very big impression."

"Of course it did. I saved it as one of my trophies." Franks voice was derisive.

"I hope you have built up an exhibition box for it!" Nicholas spat out. "How many other boys have you given the same treatment? And did they enjoy it as much I enjoyed it? You are certainly sick, man. Now, let me go, I have more important things to do."

"Have you?" Frank's mocking laughter followed Nicholas to the exit.

"Certainly I have. Don't you read the newspaper? Or watch TV? When was the last time YOUR name was in the headlines?" he shouted back.

Once out of the building Nicholas took a deep breath of sharp, cold air. He looked at the cloud-covered sky and smelled snow. "What an asshole", he muttered. Actually he wanted to do a little shopping but the school wasn't far away from his parents' flat, so he took the next tram. By now it was early afternoon and his mother would had returned from work.

How long had it been since his last visit? It was Christmas eve and all had been grey for him but then ... so much was happened to him and he felt for the first time in his life loved and protected and strong enough to face all shitty things which could ever happen to him.

He rang the bell and his mother opened the door, still dressed in her coat. He looked her up and down and it crossed his mind that she needed a new coat and other clothes. His mother was an attractive woman and shouldn't wandering around like a grey mouse. He had Marcus' credit card with him as always and felt for the first time the need to use it.

His mother beamed and dragged him into the small corridor.

"Hi mum. Sorry, I should have brought you something but I've come straight from the academy where I registered and I thought I'd visit you on the way home." He peeled out off his leather jacket which his mother eyed suspiciously.

"You wear expensive clothes, Nicholas. Does your ... friend pay for all this things?"

Nicholas looked at the ceiling. "Mum, you know he does, we've already discussed it."

"I don't like the idea a foreign strange man paying for my boy."

She hustled him into the kitchen. "Your father's still sleeping. Are you hungry? I have some stew from yesterday."

"Yes. It's long time since I had one of your stews."

"What does this Anna cook? Only caviar and lobster?"

Nicholas laughed. "No. Meat rolls in cream sauce and knuckles of pork and sauerbraten but for breakfast we only get bread and marmalade."

"So? How long have you liked knuckles of pork?"

"I don't like it, mum, that's the problem. Have you told father?"

"Have I told him what? Ah, you mean... about our little talk the other day?"

"Hm."

"No, I haven't, you know that you must talk about it on your own."

"But why do I have to tell him?"

Instead of an answer Vera pulled out an old newspaper and shoved it under Nicholas' nose. She tapped her finger on an article. "Read it."

".... known to be homosexual - his newest boyfriend."

Abruptly he lifted his head, looked amazed into his mother's face and then recognised the name of the newspaper. It was a typical gutter press newspaper, which concentrated on scandals, one Marcus didn't read.

"Shit. Did father read it?"

"Of course. And he had a row because in his opinion I seemed to be hiding things from him."

She leaned forward. "And he's right. But I didn't give anything away, and now it's your turn to set the record straight."

Nicholas stared sadly at his picture. The quiet creak of the bedroom door told that his father was coming. Vera put a bowl of steaming soup in front of her son, but Nicholas had lost his appetite.

"Ah, look who's there!" his father exclaimed in a not unfriendly tone although there was something strange in his voice and Nicholas was alarmed immediately.

"Hi, dad." Quickly he closed the newspaper and tried to hide it amongst the others lying on the table.

"I want a few words with you, Nicholas', his father said and sat down at the table. He glanced at the newspapers. "You know I've read this. And I'm happy for you, the exhibition seemed to be a big success. Your mother told me there was a fire?"

Nicholas swallowed a spoonful of soup. "Yes. A defective element or something."

Rudolf Zellner nodded and scratched his head. "Then certainly you've read the section about this ..."

"Marcus Weidenbruch?" Nicholas helped.

"Yes. I know what lies these slobs of journalist sometimes write but is it true?" His eyes were searching.

"Is what true?" Nicholas stirred the soup and fished some carrots out of it.

"That the man is a fairy."

"Fairy, aha." Now he sorted out the peas and made a pattern around the plate on which the bowl was standing. It was an old habit he had had since his childhood and his mother had to suppress a smile.

"And? What's wrong with Marcus?"

"Nicholas," his father looked seriously. "What this ... Weidenbusch IS doesn't mean anything to me. But if he ever tries anything nasty with you, then..."

"What ... then?"

"Good Lord! You know what I mean!"

"Well, I think you have a completely wrong idea of a "fairy", dad."

"Have I?"

"Yes." Nicholas nodded and spooned the carrots back into the soup.

"I want you to listen to me." His father's voice was all of a sudden sharp and Nicholas flinched. The spoon clinked on the bowl.

"Is it true what the newspaper said?" He gazed deep into Nicholas' face and searched for something to tell him that it wasn't true. Apparently he couldn't find what he was looking for.

"Say something! Is it true? Is my son a fucking faggot?"

"Rudolf!" Vera shouted. "Please don't talk like that."

Rudolf threw a threatening glance at his wife. Nicholas stopped eating.

"And if? What then?"

"What then?" His father's face flushed. "Are you telling me that it's true? Oh God!" He leaned back in his chair. "So it is true, yes?" he whispered and took a deep breath.

Nicholas rushed on recklessly. "I've lived in his house since Christmas and I'm going back to the Academy. I just came from registering for the next term. It begins next week. And you will not stop me doing this whatever you think of Art and artists, nor stop me carrying on living in his house." His voice trembled a bit. "Yes it is true. I AM A FUCKING FAGGOT!" he shouted.

He threw the spoon down upon the table, got up, shoved back the chair with his knees and went out of the door. In the hall he hastily pulled on his jacket, went out and slammed the door behind him.

He ran downstairs and out of the house. The sharp wind hit him on his hot face. It was snowing, thick flakes already covering the streets. Nicholas made the snow and the wind responsible for the fact that he wasn't able to see properly as he tried to cross the crowded street with large steps, but it was rather the tears that filled his eyes.

He heard a sharp squealing of brakes and barely avoided a car, slamming his fist upon the bonnet and running blindly on until he reached the traffic island in the middle of the street and the tram stop. With his palm he wiped his wet face.

A tram pulled up, Nicholas stepped in and found an empty seat. After some minutes he pulled himself together and found he could think clearly again. The tram passed Matthias' home and Nicholas decided to make a quick visit. He had to speak to somebody.

Tina brought a cup of hot tea and placed it in front of Nicholas who sat almost submerged in a deep, soft armchair pulling his knees to his chest.

"So your father called you a fucking faggot you say?" she said after a while. Nicholas sniffed and searched for a handkerchief. Matthias gave him a fresh one.

"I'm sorry Nick. But we feared what his reactions would be, didn't we?"

"Yes." Nicholas head dropped. "What a shit."

"And your mother?" Tina asked.

Nicholas shrugged his shoulder. "Maybe she'll be taking the consequences of what I've done."

"Rubbish. You haven't 'done' anything!" Matthias threw in.

"Do you want to stay here tonight?" Tina asked. "This couch makes a good bed."

"Yes! We could open a bottle of wine and you pour your heart out. And tomorrow things will seem so much better." Matthias' eyes sparkled.

Nicholas sniffed again and looked thankfully at his friend.

"May I?"

Matthias smiled.

* * *

Nicholas stamped his feet to shake off the snow from his boots as they entered the "Moonbreaker". Last night he had spent at Matthias and Tina's flat and now they had decided to go to the disco again. Nicholas hoped they would meet Kay. He felt more than forlorn, especially as he had received a worried call from Marcus in the early afternoon, asking where he had spent the last night.

He saw Kay standing behind the bar from a distance and Nicholas pulled out the plugs from his ears. Matthias laughed. "Ah, you and your sensitive ears! Look, Kay's there!"

"Yeah, I've already seen him. Hi sweetie!" he shouted and Kay seemed to be more than pleased to see him. Nicholas looked at Simon's photo who was pinned against the shelves where stood all rows of bottles seemingly every possible alcohol there was. Silently he pointed at it but Kay shook his head in regret.

Tina ordered her usual Bloody Mary and Kay passed both men two glasses of beer.

"I thought you hated this place," he said.

Nicholas leaned over he counter. "Heard from Sebastian?"

"But of course!" Kay beamed. "He wants to pick me up at midnight."

Nicholas was amazed. "He really wants to come here? Now, that's interesting."

He wondered how this elegant man would fit into these surroundings of very young, shrill and sweating people. He watched Kay's lithe movements, how he walked on silent feet behind the bar, filling glasses and shaking cocktails.

"Sebastian said he wanted to speak to Marcus and me."

Kay nodded. "I know. But your beloved Marcus is away now." His grin revealed the little gap between his front teeth. "How are you bearing up?" The golden earring sparkled in the artificial red-blue light. "I would have gladly taken his place, but..." He left the sentence unfinished.

"You are now occupied by Sebastian? Congratulations," Nicholas said.

Again a little stab of jelousy seemed to hurt his stomach. He briefly recalled Sebastian’s' naked torso, undressed in front of him and again he felt the urge to ran his fingers over it, a feeling, Kay certainly had experienced already. "Sebastian is a wonderful lover", Marcus voice hummed in his ears. He still watched Kay as he slowly emptied his glass of beer.

He would have liked to ask Kay about it and he was convinced, Kay would tell him everything. But finally Nicholas shook off the strange thoughts and feelings and instead of Sebastian's creamy marzipan-coloured skin he remembered the soft and smooth darker complexion Marcus had. Inwardly he shook his head. Was he that easily influenced by externals? Wasn't it Marcus' loving affection, his understanding, the care and tender lovemaking which counted more? But if he could get to know Sebastian more he was convinced that he also would had similar qualities, after all he was Marcus' best friend...

In the meantime Matthias and Tina had disappeared onto the dance floor. Kay pulled out from his pocket a handful of pills and opened his palm. Nicholas saw tablets it all conceivable forms and colours. The pink one with the Playboy bunny upon it he had already tried. But there were some bluish ones with the Euro-label, a dove or a apple.

Nicholas grabbed one with the label 'Killer'. "What's this one?" he asked. "Poisoned?"

"No," Kay laughed. "They're mostly all the same. Wanna try?"

"Hm, can I have it for later?"

"Of course, take it when you're in the mood for it."

Nicholas put the pill into his trouser pocket. The big hall was slowly filling until there was scarcely any spare room on the dance floor and as some pleasant music from the 70s and 80s sat in, Nicholas rocked with the time of the music. He had finished his third beer and leaned against the wall.

"How is Sebastian actually?" he asked Kay all of a sudden. But Kay didn't listen because he was busy to fill glasses and taking money. Nicholas sighed and looked over the dancing people. The light changed in quick succession from a bright yellow to a deep prussian blue and a hazy fog swirled around the heads of the dancers.

"Sorry, what did you say?" Kay wiped the metallic surface of the bar.

"Sebastian. How is he?"

"What do you mean? In bed?"

Nicholas turned his gaze to the ceiling. "Yeah .... now, what's he like in bed?"

"Great!"

"Aha. What else. Everybody seems to be 'great' in bed."

Kay looked confused for a moment. "You are not?" He hid a grin.

Nicholas leaned over. "But of course I am, sweetie," he whispered in Kay's ear. "Shall I prove it?"

"Ah, come on, perhaps you shouldn't drink so much."

"But what about your little black present, you remember? Want to see how it fits?"

Kay glanced him up and down. "I'm sure it fits very well", he said finally. "You have a nice arse."

Nicholas burst out in laughter. "Thanks, you too."

He set down his empty beer glass. "Give me another one. It's hot in here."

"The last one, sweetie, or I have to take you home."

Nicholas grabbed the cool glass, frosted with condensation and took a gulp. The foam left a white moustache on his upper lip.

"Feeling very lonely at night?" he heard Kay's voice from a distance. Somehow he seemed to have cotton wool in his ears and his sight was blurred. The colours of the laser lights merged to a huge paint box. "Very," he nodded. "But now I have company," he grinned, "and actually I'm well. Apart from the fact that my father called me a fucking faggot, everything is fine."

Kay raised an eyebrow. "He said that? Coming out, eh?" He nodded. "My parents acted the same way, but now they don't even bother about it. Give him time, he'll get used to it."

"Hmm, I'm not sure about it." He glanced at Simon's impish grin. "So nobody saw him? That's really shit. Oops!" Nicholas had almost spilt his glass and his stomach heaved with a hiccups.

Kay grinned. "Stop drinking, sweetie, it's not good for you."

"Ah, shit. Don't tell me what I should do. I'm fine."

He hiccupped. "When does Sebastian come?"

Kay looked at his watch. "Around twenty minutes."

"All right." Nicholas swayed lightly on his feet and shot forward suddenly, in the direction of the toilets.

"Watch out for the mugger, sweetie!" Kay shouted good-humoured but Nicholas waved.

A mineral water and 25 minutes later Sebastian turned up at the bar after he had shoved his way free from laughing, sweating people. Nicholas still leaned against the wall and had his eyes closed. With one hand he clung to the bar counter to prevent himself from falling.

"What's the matter with him?" Sebastian nodded at Nicholas.

"Drank too fast." Kay smiled. "Perhaps he's love sick."

Sebastian grinned and looked around. "What an awful place! How can you bear the noise? It makes my ears ache!" Still grinning he leaned over and planted a wet kiss on Kay's lips.

"Hi Bastian," Nicholas muttered. Sebastian looked at him and said, "Come on, honey. I'll take you home." And to Kay, "I'll be back soon, wait for me?"

"Of course."

The air was frosty outside and the crusted snow crunched under their footsteps. Sebastian firmly grabbed hold of Nicholas' upper arm and together they walked past young men and women swho had come out from the "Moonbreaker" to get some fresh air.

The sharp cold air hit Nicholas like a slap in the face. His head whirled and he was thankful for Sebastian's firm grip.

"Are you ok? My car isn't that far away, couldn't get any nearer to park unfortunately. Have you heard from Marcus?"

Nicholas didn't really feel like chatting. He felt sick, but the fresh air helped his churning stomach. "Yeah," he began hesitatingly, "he called me this morning asking where I had been the whole night."

Sebastian's face was a question mark. "And where were you? Not at home?"

"No. I was at Matthias flat."

"Felt that lonely?"

Nicholas feet slipped and he would have fallen if Sebastian hadn't got hold of him. "No, not lonely, angry. I registered yesterday at the Academy and met Frank." He looked into Sebastian's face. "You know Frank?"

"I heard all about it, yes. And?"

"Well ..." he sighed, "actually nothing. He made some strange comments but I ignored him."

"Good. But you're going to have to meet him again?"

"I hope not. But if I'm in his working group then I can't do anything about it." He shook his head. "It doesn't matter. Is it far?"

Sebastian looked around and turned the next corner into a small side street. Snow covered cars parked at the curbs and in the distance he could see the dipped headlights of a slowly driving car. "Soon there, just across the street."

"And then I met my father." Nicholas said quietly. His stomach heaved again with nausea. They tried to cross the street, but Nicholas tripped over a stone at the curb and stumbled out into the roadway.

The car, Sebastian had seen in the distance, was suddenly dangerous near. In the yellow light of the headlights he saw how Nicholas stumbled along ahead and the mudguard lightly brushed his jacket.

"Nicki, what you doing," he shouted, "go on. I'm coming."

He stepped into the roadway and heard the car turn with squealing tyres, pick up speed and drive directly at Nicholas, who stood petrified in the middle of the roadway, watching with staring eyes like a rabbit caught in the glare of the headlights. The motor roared as the accelerator was pushed down flat.

"Nicki!" Sebastian shouted. With a jump he flung himself onto the young man, pushed him forward and fell with him into the slush. The car weaved, brakes screaming, stopped and turned again directly towards both men lying on the street.

"He, look at this!" a man shouted from the other side of the street. He ran to them, ignoring the approaching car and bent over Sebastian.

"What's happened?"

Sebastian peered over his shoulder and saw the car avoiding them and racing along the street until it vanished round the corner.

All three coughed from the stench of exhaust fumes.

"Hit-and-run? The car hit you?"

Sebastian lifted his heavy body from Nicholas lying under him. "Nicki, are you ok?"

Nicholas gave a low moan and tried to kneel up. His right wrist gave way and a sharp pain stabbed through his hand.

"Oh shit, something's wrong with my hand."

"Show me," Sebastian took his hand with was scratched, dirty from the muddy slush and bleeding. "Where does it hurt?" Cautiously he tried to move the hand but Nicholas cried out in pain.

"Shall I call the ambulance?" the man asked.

"I'll take him in my car."

"Oh God! What's this? I don't want to spend again a night at that damn hospital. Soon I'll be a regular there!" Nicholas shouted. He suddenly felt completely sober again. He sat on his butt and looked completely dumbfounded at Sebastian. "Did you see that? The car turned and drove straight at us again! Surely it was intentional?"

Sebastian inspected his hands and knees. His trousers had some tears as did Nicholas'. "Look at the state of us. Can you stand?"

Sebastian stood up and pulled Nicholas to his feet. Apparently his hand was the only injury he had got. Holding him around his waist, he walked slowly slowly with him to the other side of the street.

Certainly he had seen the car and the strange behaviour of its driver. He cursed inwardly. Marcus had instructed him that morning to keep a look out for Nicholas and had told him all his worries concerning both incidents and the odd telephone call he had received.

Now there wasn't any doubt that someone was trying to spoil Marcus' and Nicholas' life. He suspected Simon. Who else could it be?

Ten minutes later both men found themselves in the same examination room again as that they had been in on New Years Eve. While Sebastian sat there with trembling hands Nicholas wrist had a X-ray and later got a tape bandage. It wasn't broken but sprained and needed absolutely rest for some days.

"It's really a drag," Nicholas said, as Sebastian unlocked the door to Marcus' house. "It's the second time in two weeks that I come back here straight from the hospital. What's going on?"

Sebastian remained silent, merely leading him into the living room. "Want a hot cup of tea or something?"

Nicholas shook his head.

"Your hand hurts?"

"A little."

"Do you want an aspirin?"

"The doc has already given me some."

"Good, the pain will soon be over then." He watched the young man, curled up in the armchair. How could he explain this to Marcus? He didn't want to call him, he would be too upset.

He went to Nicholas, knelt down beside him and took his uninjured hand.

"I'm sorry about this, Nicki."

"But the car," Nicholas exclaimed. "It tried to kill me! Didn't you see it?"

"Sssh, yes I saw it." Softly he stroked his hand. "I don't know who it was, I can't explain it." He looked into Nicholas' face. "Do you want me to stay with you?"

Nicholas nodded slowly.

"Come on then, I'll take you to bed." He helped him out of the chair and upstairs with him to the bedroom. There he motioned him to sit on the bed, took off his boots, then went for his belt, opened it, pulled down the zipper of his jeans. Nicholas lifted his buttocks and Sebastian pulled down the torn trousers.

"Give me your pullover and shirt, I'll throw them into the laundry box."

Without a word Nicholas did what he wanted and sat there finally only in his underpants. He watched a bit confused Sebastian wandering around from the bedroom to the bathroom and looked at his torn and dirty trousers.

"You should take off your own jeans. They are ripped as well."

Sebastian looked down. "Sure." Without hesitation he pulled them off and threw them into the bathroom. "What about a hot shower?" he asked.

Nicholas nodded. "But what's about this?" He held his taped hand outstretched. Sebastian thought for a second, disappeared and came back a few minutes later with a plastic bag and some tape. He pulled it over Nicholas' hand and fixed it with the tape.

"Now you are ready for the shower. Go." He gave him a slap on his buttocks.

Nicholas stepped into the shower and closed the glass doors. He pulled down his underpants and let the steam surround him. Slowly he relaxed under the stream of hot water. Nevertheless his body trembled and he wished desperately that Marcus were there to take him into his arms.

Finally he switched off the water, stepped out, grabbing the big towel lying over the rim of the bathtub. Sebastian entered the bathroom. He wore nothing other than a towel around his waist.

"Better now?" he asked.

"Yes. Better." But his face told Sebastian the opposite and he could see his eyes glistened with tears. Quickly he stepped closer and pulled Nicholas into an embrace. Slowly he stroked Nicholas' wet hair and whispered unintelligible words into his ear.

Nicholas body got limp in the man's arms. He smelled the faint aroma of his after shave and some manly scent underneath, buried his face into Sebastian's neck and let out a sob.

Strangely despite all the grieve he still felt a slight arousal in his groin. Wasn't this what he had furtively dreamt of? He felt the fuzz of soft hair against his own smooth chest and allowed his hands to roam over Sebastian's back until they met the towel around his waist. He pulled on it in an effort to remove it.

Sebastian lifted his head, looked into his face and lowered his lips to Nicholas'. His grey-green eyes were near and huge until they narrowed and finally closed.

Nicholas felt a pair of soft lips moving on his own, cautiously, tenderly until they became more urgent, searching for an answer. Nicholas opened his lips and a tongue slipped in, playing with his own.

He sensed how the towel, clamped between their two bodies fell upon the carpet and Sebastian ground his own erection into Nicholas' crotch. Nicholas pushed back, kneaded Sebastian's ass cheeks and felt suddenly lifted from the ground and carried into the bedroom.

Sebastian laid him down on the coverlet, crept on top of him and began to kiss his eyes, cheeks and along his neck. Nicholas purred and whispered, "What are you doing to me?" Sebastian's sole answer was a deep, barely audible laugh and a whispered, "What I dreamt of doing for an age, Nicki, honey. You can't imagine how long."

Nicholas giggled. "Oh sure - and you've known me for years have you?"

"To me it seems so." Sebastian kissed his chest and nibbled on his nipples which caused Nicholas' skin to turn into goose bumps. He wanted to stroke Sebastian's sandy hair he noticed that his hand was still wrapped in the plastic bag. He ripped off the tape and shook it off.

Sebastian's body was heavy on his own. He could feel the light, blond hair on his legs stroking his skin, their cocks entwined and he arched his back in the effort to come even closer. His mind swirled and his body enjoyed the caress of the other man. Then suddenly Sebastian lifted his head and stared at the small trace of saliva his tongue had left on Nicholas' belly. His eyes were vacant and he seemed to be listening.

"What's the matter? Don't stop, Bastian."

"Ssshh. Did you hear something?"

"No, there's nothing." He groped for Sebastian's face and pulled it down to him, but then he heard it too. It was ringing at the door downstairs.

"Shit! Who can it be?"

Both men looked intensely at each other before they exclaimed in unison

"Kay!"

"I'd completely forgotten him!!" Sebastian said, lifted his body and jumped out of the bed.

Again Nicholas felt a sharp punch in his stomach. Without the other body he was cold and he shivered. Speechless, he watched how Sebastian looking for Marcus robe and quickly pulling it on. At the foot of the bed he stopped briefly and watched the young man, outstretched on the bed, very erect, flushed and shivering. A stab of regret filled him. He bent over, kissed Nicholas' lips a last time and ran downstairs.

As he opened the front door a rather sulky-looking Kay stood in front of it, waiting for some explanations.

He dragged him inside and made some hastily concocted excuses.

"We had an accident in the street. There was a car, came directly towards us, Nicki could barely avoid it, but it turned and came once more. So I jumped on top of him and we both landed in the slush of the street. Can you imagine this?"

"A car? It followed you? Wanted to hit you?"

Kay's face was a mixture of disbelief and relief. "Are you hurt?"

He looked him up and down. "But what you doing here? In a robe? Where is Nick?"

"Sleeping finally. I was just about to call you to tell you to come over here." He pulled Kay into his arms. "I'm sorry. But I was very upset."

"I can imagine." Kay said. "But you're sure you're ok now?"

"Yes, we're fine."

"I went to your flat first," Kay continued. "But you didn't answer so I thought you might still be here." He looked a bit suspiciously into Sebastian's face.

Sebastian found it difficult to meet his eyes. "Yes, it took us a bit longer than I thought. I wanted to take a shower right now. Come with me?"

Kay followed gladly but Sebastian didn't know what to think nor what to feel. God! What would he have done if Kay hadn't arrived? He felt sick all of a sudden but tried to hide it from Kay. Not only he had cheated on Marcus, he had completely forgotten Kay! Briefly he wiped his face. You shit! he cursed himself inwardly. He desperately wanted to have a look at Nicholas, but didn't dare.

Instead he stepped with Kay into the shower and tried to enjoy the feeling of the young body. He studied once more the blue, abstract tattoo snaking around Kay's upper arm and felt his hand around his balls, the other one soaping his crack. God damn it! Almost brutally he pressed his lips onto Kay's and heard him giggling. "You are randy tonight, aren't you?"

"Definitely", Sebastian panted between kisses. "Stop teasing me with your hands, sweetie and hurry up into bed."

The LCD of the little alarm clock showed 3:10. Nicholas tossed and turned in bed and looked at the curtains where the soft light of the outdoor lamps painted silhouettes of leafless branches against the windows.

He sighed. His gaze fell upon his painting of Marcus hung on the opposite wall. He only could see it indistinctly but it seemed to him as if Marcus' dark eyes pierced his very being and as if he was able to see through the painting what had happened here, even though if he was thousands of miles away.

Marcus had asked him to resist all seductions and what was he doing? At the first opportunity he had fallen into the arms of Sebastian and if Kay hadn't have arrived the place beside him wouldn't now be empty but filled with Sebastian's warm body and his steady breath, not to mention that his ass would now be filled with other things...

He was cross with himself. Marcus certainly trusted him, although he wasn't sure that Marcus was immune against other temptations... Nicholas still felt Sebastian's long legs entwined with his own, the thick cock stroking his own with every movement he made ... and was convinced Kay was now experiencing the same delights even though he couldn't make out any noise or sound from the guest room, but the walls seemed to be thick enough to swallow every sound. And then, he wasn't sure if he want to hear the noise of two lovers especially if one of these lovers was someone he would like to have in his own bed...

He sighed again, rose abruptly and jumped out of the bed. His hand had began to hurt again. He pulled on his robe, silently opened the door and tiptoed cautiously to the opposite door and listed. He could hear nothing so he went downstairs into the kitchen, opened the fridge and got a bottle of mineral water. He poured a glass, sat at the table and remained there in the dark silence of the house.

He pondered what to do. Should he call Marcus tomorrow? He shook his head. This was out of question. Marcus had certainly called already and was now probably upset again, because nobody had answered the phone. He looked at the watch and began to count. In New York it was shortly after 9 pm, actually time to call him. But what should he say? That some mad car driver wanted to kill him? Again? Nicholas flinched. Why had he thought 'again'? Was there a connection between the attacker with his ether-soaked cloth, the fire in the exhibition hall and now with the car accident? Weren't they all silly coincidences?

He touched his taped hand and thought about the Academy he wanted to visit next week. What now? He wouldn't be able to draw. And he could only hope that there wasn't any lasting damage.

He buried his face into the palms of his hand and felt tears building in his eyes. Why didn't you go with him, you idiot! Missing a few days at the Academy wasn't that big a thing.

Eventually he stood up, taking the glass with him and looked for some aspirin in the bathroom. He found some tablets and swallowed them with the water. Then he went back to bed again. An hour later he fell into a restless sleep.

A humming sound filled his ears, like the buzz of a mosquito or of a bumblebee. He windmilled his arms to scare away the annoying sound, but instead it grew stronger and louder and came nearer. There were flames around him, a cold, golden fire which burnt Marcus' painting to grey ashes in front of his eyes. He stretched out his arms, groped directly into the cold flames but couldn't reach it in time. The buzzing noise grew even louder. Nicholas tried to hide himself in the farthest corner he could find in the large hall, but the sound followed him. He fell onto his back, pulled his knees to his chest and held them with his arms in an effort to cut out all the sounds, the fire, the coldness and the emptiness. But then something broke through the fireball, shot to his direction. He could see a face behind the steering wheel, a pale face with piercing ice-blue eyes and a very wicked grin on pink lips. The driver suddenly turned into a stout woman in a red apron waving a soaked cloth triumphantly.

From the distance he could hear the cheering and exaltations of a cowboy who had just won the cup at the rodeo in Calgary and he knew there wasn't any escape. He had to die now, alone in the cold-burning exhibition hall, either burnt to death or hit by the roaring wheels of the dark car.

He pulled himself upright and closed his eyes, ready for the final hit. The car was near, dangerously near, he could smell petrol, the rubber stench of hot wheels and the sweet scent of chloroform and began to yell ...

Yelling and crying Nicholas found himself sitting upright in his bed, his hair stuck down on his forehead and sweating immensely. Almost at the same time the door opened and Kay rushed into the room, fighting with the sleeve of his robe. He flung himself at Nicholas, sat on the bed and pulled him into his arms.

"What have you dreamt, sweetie?" he heard his soothing voice. "Was it bad? You were yelling all the time." Nicholas lifted his head from Kays neck and saw Sebastian enter the room. He looked sleepy but very concerned and rushed to his side.

Nicholas was embarrassed and would rather he'd been alone. "It was nothing, only a dream." His voice was rasped and cold and he avoided to looking into Sebastian's eyes.

"Do you have often such dreams?" Kay asked and continued to stroke his wet forehead.

"No. It's ... it's ..."

Sebastian gently took Kay's arm and whispered, "Leave us alone for a moment, ok? Go to back to bed, I'll come in a minute."

Kay gave him an odd look but vanished silently through the door. Nicholas pulled the blankets up to his chin and remained silent.

Sebastian stretched out his hand and cautiously stroked Nicholas' cheek.

"You shouldn't be alone this night", he whispered, "but what can I do? I'll be glad when Marcus comes back."

"Ah! You are afraid of being alone with me, right?" Nicholas' voice was still rough. With a firm grip Sebastian wrapped his hands around Nicholas' upperarms.

"Say you don't wanted it! Say it into my face!"

Nicholas broke free. "Of course I wanted it!" he shouted, "but now go to Kay, he's waiting."

Sebastian looked him up and down as if he was an interesting newly-discovered insect and nodded slowly. "If I were Marcus, I'd be standing here, not in America. He knows me; I never was able to resist anybody with trousers." He got up. "We should forget it, right? Try to sleep, Nicki. Tomorrow we'll tell Marcus and perhaps give the police a report. You can't remember the colour and type of the car, I suppose?" He stepped to the door. "Good night, try to sleep." And he was gone.

"Now, what was that?" Nicholas was taken aback. How could he be so ... cold and business-like all of a sudden? He had expected some cuddlings and soothing words, but now Sebastian acted as if all the kisses and touchings had happened only in his imagination. What a strange man, he sighed.

But then, there was Kay, and although Kay had made advances to him, he knew that now he was occupied with Sebastian and Nicholas didn't want to disturb the new relationship. He liked Kay too much for this.

Nicholas stretched out under the blankets. The pain in his wrist was now only a dull ache. 'Try to sleep'! Sebastian could talk! How could HE sleep after all this?

At 6 in the morning he heard the phone ringing in the hall, jumped out of the bed and ran downstairs. "Marcus?" he shouted into the receiver.

"Yes, darling, where have you been?"

Nicholas swallowed but he had to tell him now. "First in the hospital, then at home, trying to sleep but couldn't."

"Jesus, Nicholas, why the hospital again?"

"There was a car, tried to hit us and Sebastian pushed me into the snow and saved my life."

All was silence at the other end of the line. Then he heard, "A car? When was it? Last night? Are you hurt? And Sebastian saved your life?"

"Yes! Ask Sebastian." He paused for a moment. "Yes, I'm hurt, my right wrist is sprained."

He saved my life. Yes. That was the truth, he thought. And now he would be responsible for my future life, as an old saying goes.

"I'm so sorry, darling. You'll have problems at the Academy, what will you do if you can't hold a pencil?"

"Don't know at the moment. That's the least of my problems."

"I can imagine. I'm really sorry about that. And angry. Is Sebastian there? If yes, can I speak to him, please?"

"He's still sleeping. It's 6 am!"

"I know darling. But what are you ding in the middle of the night with Sebastian?"

Nicholas felt a spurt of anger. "I was at the "Moonbreaker" asking about Simon's photo and Sebastian came to pick up Kay."

He sensed that this was all Greek to Marcus.

"Oh, by the way, he wanted to speak to us, but you were already gone."

"Yes, I told him to take care of you."

"Did you? Well, he took care...."

"What do you mean?" Marcus asked. Nicholas bit his lower lip.

"Like I said, he saved my life."

"But you are ok, now? What do you think about the whole business?"

Nicholas didn’t know what to answer. "Well, I'm not sure, but I'm beginning to have a feeling that somebody is doing this on purpose and that it is always the same man ... or woman."

Marcus sighed again. "Yes, I have the feeling, too. I'll try to come home as soon as possible, ok? Now, honey can you please wake up Sebastian?"

Nicholas nodded. "Yes, but can't you come home now? You cannot leave me alone here, I'm afraid that something really bad will happen soon! And I miss you."

"Honey, I will come as soon as it's possible. I cannot at the moment, Sebastian is there to look after you. He will do anything, he has promised me. There are some problems suddenly and I don't want to come home without the screen. Now take care of your hand. I miss you too."

Nicholas anger grew. How could Marcus dismiss him so easily. If he loved him, he would come instantly and nobody or nothing would stop him. Without a word and feeling very disappointed he laid the receiver on the sideboard and went upstairs again to wake Sebastian. He didn't dare to burst into the room straight away but first knocked and then opened the door. Both men lay there, spooned together, sound asleep.

Quietly he shook Sebastian's naked shoulder until he stirred. "Marcus is on the phone. He wants to speak to you."

Sebastian blinked. "Yes, I'm coming." He suppressed a yawn and stretched his body. Then he crept out of the bed and pulled on his robe.

He gave Nicholas a thin smile and asked, "How did you sleep?"

"Hardly at all."

Sebastian stroked his cheek. "I'm sorry. Did your hand hurt?"

Nicholas shook his head. "Go now, Marcus is waiting."

"Hello my dear, what's the time in New York?" Sebastian spoke into the receiver.

"Midnight. Morning, Bastian. What's happened to Nicholas? He told me that a car tried to hit you?"

Sebastian cleared his throat. "Yes, it's true. We came out of the "Moonbreaker", I wanted to take him home because he had drunk a little bit too much and then there was this damn car. I certainly had the impression the driver wanted to kill us."

Marcus sighed heavily at the other end of the line. "So it's true, yes? We weren't wrong in our suspicions? There's somebody out there... Do you think it could be Simon? Could you find anything out about him?"

"No. Nobody has seen him. Marcus, I cannot believe it's Simon. I guess he's got other problems now. Why should he want to do it?"

"Yes, yes, but can you think of anybody else? This Frank perhaps?"

"Frank? The teacher at the Academy? Hm, don't know. I shouldn't think so."

"But Nick is ok? He said his hand was injured?"

"Yes, but apart from this everything is ok. He had a slightly shock as you can imagine. I think you should come home on the next flight. Nicki needs you", - and then I'll be free of this dangerous proximity, he thought. But Marcus fled into excuses.

"There are some problems here. The seller isn't sure all of a sudden if he should sell his precious piece of Art."

"Ah, he only wants to force up the price. But is it so important? More important than your lover? Come back now."

"I cannot, understand me, Bastian. This is a screen I have been after for years! I can't give it up. Your are there, and you have promised me you'll look after him. Probably I can't come back before next Thursday. Would you stay at my house? Oh, by the way, what's this news about sweet Kay?"

Sebastian was reserved. "Big love affair I would say."

"Big love? Are you ill? Well, anyway, if you can't avoid it, then stay with him, but promise me to take care of my little boy? I don't want to hear that he's in the hospital again, understand?"

"Yes, Sir. I understand." His voice was stern. "But still I can't understand your attitude, and I guess Nicki will be cross with you if you don't com home. Think about it, Marcus. I'll call you in the afternoon, ok?"

While Sebastian was on the phone Nicholas has made coffee, taken out the butter of the fridge. Sebastian sat quietly at the table looking unshaven and tired. His eyes were dark with rings. He stared at the coffee percolator and watched the dark fluid dropping into the glass jug beneath it.

"I'm sorry about last night. We shouldn't have done it."

Nicholas said nothing.

"You know I like you, Nicki", Sebastian continued, "but there's Kay and Marcus ... I don't want to hurt them. Let's just say, you needed comfort yesterday, can you be satisfied with this?"

He peered over his shoulder to the young man standing with bent shoulders by the fridge and staring into nothing.

"Yes," he said very low. "It's all right. It will never happen again. Right?"

Sebastian nodded not very convinced. Actually he needed more time to think about it, but he hadn't time, because there was Kay who wanted his full attention and he couldn't simply dissapear back to Rome because he had promised Marcus to look after his boy. What a dilemma! he thought.

"Where is Kay?" Nicholas asked.

"Still sleeping I guess."

"And what have you planned with him? Aren't you actually going back to Rome again? Will you be taking him with you?"

"I haven't a clue at the moment. Yes I must go back sometime, I have some projects running in Rome, but at the moment I have to look after you, Nicki. I don't like the idea of you all alone in this big house."

"Ah, baby-sitting again?" Nicholas' voice was scornful and Sebastian gave him a surprised look. "Listen, I'm doing this for you and for my best friend, because I know he's in love with you, but if you prefer to live alone that say it and I'll disappear."

Nicholas went to the coffee machine to take out the jug. "I didn't mean to say that. Sorry," he said timidly. "I'm confused, that's all."

"It's ok, Nicki. I'm sorry too." He grabbed Nicholas by the waist and pulled him onto his lap. "Forgive me?" he whispered into his ear and Nicholas got goose bumps again. He felt Sebastian's cock at his crack through the thin material of the robe and wriggled his ass a bit. Sebastian giggled. "Stop it, baby or we'll continue where we stopped last night."

"Am I interrupting something?" they heard Kay's voice from the kitchen door.

Nicholas wanted to jump up but Sebastian's grip was firm around his waist. "Oh, I only wanted to examine his hand," Sebastian said innocently.

"And?" Kay said lurking, "how is it?"

Nicholas wriggled free of Sebastian's arms. "It's better, but it hurts if I move my fingers."

"Now that's real shit, sweetie." Kay searched for cups and plates.

"Want to take a shower first, Bastian? You look as if you need one."

Sebastian touched the stubble on his chin and nodded. "Save me some coffee."

He was barely out of the door when Kay spun round to face Nicholas.

"Is there something going on between you and Sebastian? Tell me before I get too involved." He said it calmly but his eyes sparkled with anger.

Nicholas closed his eyes for a moment and leaned against the shelves.

"I don't know if there is something", he said quietly. "And I don't want to think about it right now. There are more important things for me right now. Take Sebastian with you and be happy with him. I don't care. The only thing I want is Marcus but he's in fucking New York and won't come back to me." His blue eyes pierced Kay's. "What would you do if somebody was trying to kill Sebastian and you were far away?"

Kay snorted. "Come back the next minute!"

"You see! But this shitty ... screen is apparently a thousand times more important to him than me!" Nicholas almost shouted and his voice betrayed all his frustration and disappointment. Maybe he had chosen the wrong man. Sebastian cared for him ... at the moment that is. But was his 'care' only selfishness, because he was looking for someone to took care of his cock?

"Oh shit!" Nicholas exclaimed, grabbed the nearest thing from the kitchen table and threw it onto the tiled floor.

The coffee cup shattered into a thousands fragments.

Kay gazed at him in disbelief. "Wow what a outbreak of temperament, sweetie," he said and looked for a brush and dustpan.

"Leave me alone, I'm going home, I've had enough." And with this he ran out of the kitchen upstairs into the bedroom, pulled out his old suitcase and rucksack and stuffed all the clothes he could see into them. With the same speed he ran downstairs again, pulled on his jacket, grabbed the keys and slammed the door behind him.

"What was that noise? Have you been arguing?" Sebastian asked as he came out of the bathroom and entered the kitchen.

"He's gone."

"What? But why didn't you stop him?"

"Travellers shouldn't be stopped."

"Bullshit!" He stepped closer to Kay. "Are you stupid? We cannot leave him alone. He's probably in danger!" Restless he wandered around the kitchen.

"Don't you know where he live?"

Kay shook his head. Sebastian ran out of the house onto the street but Nicholas was already disappeared. He cursed loudly. Marcus hadn't the address either, he was sure. While he went slowly back to the house shivering in his thin shirt he pondered about it. Then his face lit up. "Matthias! He must know the address of Nicki!" Then he stopped abruptly. "You are stupid, Sebastian. What about the telephone book?"

He ran back, rang the bell and when Kay opened the door he rushed to the sideboard in the hall, pulled out the telephone books and leafed through. "Here it is but the address is missing", he exclaimed and wanted to dial.

"Nick's telephone number?" Kay shook indulgently his head. "He can't be there already, Bastian. And who know's if he's going home. Perhaps he's off to Matthias."

Sebastian looked thoughtfully at Kay. "Yes, you are right. I'll give him one hour, then I'll try. But do you know the address of Matthias? Or his surname?"

"No.... but I know where he works."

Relieved Sebastian pulled Kay to his chest and embraced hm.

“But it's Sunday, we'll have to wait till tomorrow."

"Oh, yes." Sebastian frowned. "Well, let's hope he goes home today." He sighed. "What shall I say to Marcus when I call him later?"

Kay shrugged. "Tell him he's sleeping."

"Oh man, you have for all the answers, haven't you? But this is not a game", he said insistently. "There were three incidents so far." He counted by his fingers. "One the mugger with the chloroformed cloth at the "Moonbreaker", second the fire in the exhibition hall where his painting was burnt and third this car accident now. Tell me this is pure coincidence and my name is Otto."

"Ok, I will never call you Otto. Do you suspect anyone in particular?"

"Marcus thinks it could be your brother."

Kay raised his eyebrows. "Simon? That's nonsense. He would never do such stupid things."

"Are you sure? When was the last time you saw him?"

"About 10 month now. He rang me shortly after he had his AIDS-test and then...nothing. He left Marcus and disappeared Heaven knows where."

Sebastian put his arm around his shoulders and went with him into the kitchen again. The coffee was cold by now and Sebastian's stomach rumbled. "Ever tried Turkish coffee?" he asked Kay.

"Sure. You want some?"

Sebastian nodded and sat at the table. "Now tell me the reason for you argument."

"We didn't argue." Kay put water into the heater. "I only asked him if there was something between him and you that I should know before I fall head over heals in love with you."

Sebastian peered over his shoulder at the young man. "Think carefully, man. I'm not sure I'm worth it!"

"You didn't answer my question, Bastian. And," he bent down and gave him a quick kiss on the lips, "you are certainly worth it."

Sebastian gave him a weak smile. "You don't know me, Kay", he whispered.

"But I want to know you better. Now, is there something I should know?"

Sebastian was in a tight spot. "You know, Nicki is a sweet guy, but ..." He threw an unsure look at Kay's back. "He's not free."

Kay turned. "So you would rather have Nick as lover than me?" he asked hurt.

Sebastian took a deep breath and raised his hand which almost seemed ot repulse him. "No, Kay, it's, shit, I can't explain it. Some things cannot be explained. At least, I cannot explain it. Understand me. And after all, I have a feeling you weren't so uninterested in him, either."

"Oh," Kay said, and his cheeks reddened briefly. "You noticed? But now you are here", he said.

"Yes. Now you are here. That's the answer." The water boiled and Kay poured it over the coffee in the mugs. He smiled relieved. Sebastian was right, he thought. Now Sebastian was there. A real man he was in love with and one who matched his own conception of life.

He put the steaming mug on the table in front of his lover and smiled. "Now, after we sorted that out, what do we now? Did Nicki tell you about his father?"

"His father?" Sebastian lifted the mug and blew the coffee grounds away. "Well, I remember he was about to tell me something when the car hit us. What's with him?"

"Don't know exactly. Only that he called him a 'fucking faggot'."

"Oh." Sebastian nodded. "Another father who can't get use to the idea that his precious son is a queen. I've met them."

"You have? What about your parents?"

"Run a pharmacy in Berlin."

"Really?"

"Yeah, actually several of them. Parents without time but lots of money. Usual stuff." Sebastian said sternly

Kay shook his head. "Yes, but what did they say when they learned that you were gay?"

Sebastian shrugged. "They didn't care. They never cared much about us children. Gave us money instead of love."

Now Kay nodded. "I know this. You know that Marcus' and my parents were business partners."

"Yes, I know. How did they take it, as Simon disappeared?"

"Terribly. He was always the spoilt baby of the family."

"Baby of the family? How old are you actually?"

"Twenty six. He's four years younger than me."

A sound in the hall made both men turn their heads. Anna Weyler stood in the doorway looking surprised.

"Anna!", said Sebastian. "What you are doing here on a Sunday?"

"Good Morning Mr. Sebastian." Her voice was more than cold. "Wanted to look after Marcus." She eyed the other young man very suspiciously.

"Hi, I'm Kay."

Anna looked back to Sebastian, but he only grinned. "Marcus isn't here as you know certainly, Anna. Off to New York. I'm sure he has told you. So there's no need to spy around."

"Spy around?" If it was possible, Anna's voice grew even more icy. "I think I have a right to be here and to see if everything is all right." Her gaze made clear that she doubted that either Sebastian or Kay were permitted to be here.

"If you are looking for Nicholas, he isn't here either. So it would be nice if you would leave us alone. Do me the favour, yes?"

"But what's about a lunch?"

Sebastian's eyebrows rose in surprise. "You want to cook for us? But, Anna, we can't accept. We are fine on our own. Go now, please. And," he added, "there won't be any need to come around next week. We'll be here to take care of the house, ok?"

"Well," Anna said and stood undecided, but then turned and left the house.

"Who on earth was that?" Kay asked, amused.

"Anna, the good ghost of the house."

"Ah, had a feeling she doesn't like you especially."

"No, she hates me."

"Really? You mean someone actually could hate you?"

Sebastian whispered close to Kay's ear. "More than you can imagine. Think of all my ex-lover around the world!"

Kay flinched back. "How many lovers?"

Sebastian was amused by the concerned look in the young man's face and grinned. "Was a joke, baby. I can look after myself, don't worry. I learnt my lesson from Simon."

"Good. And what we shall do about Marcus? Will you tell him that Nick has vanished without a trace?"

"I have to, I guess. I can't understand why he won't fly back right now. I always had the feeling that he's so in love with Nicki. And I was happy that he'd found somebody after Simon. Somebody he could trust" He gazed at Kay. "Don't get me wrong, honey. But he's so completely different to your brother."

"No need to make excuses, I know what you mean."

Kay's stomach rumbled audibly and Sebastian laughed. "You are very hungry, aren't you? Well what could we do about this? Go out and eat something or shall I cook here?"

"You can cook?" Kay ask surprised.

"But of course. Can't you?"

"No. But I'm too hungry to wait while you cook. Let's go out. And then you call Marcus, perhaps he knows where Nick lives."

Matthias opened the door wearing pyjama shorts and looking very sleepy. Nicholas was embarrassed. He hadn't looked at his watch but Matthias let him in without questions. He took the suitcase from him and put it in the small hall. Silently he motioned him to go into the kitchen and followed.

"Coffee?"

"Where's Tina?"

"Still in bed."

"I'm sorry, pal. I didn't look at the time."

"What's this?" Matthias pointed at his taped hand.

"Little accident", Nicholas answered.

"But it's your right hand. What about working at the Academy?"

Nicholas shrugged. "I don't care. The Academy can get lost."

Matthias looked his friend up and down. He looked terrible, deep shadows under his dull eyes, the shine was completely gone, and his hair was uncombed as if he had come straight from bed.

"What's up, buddy? Watch the water for me, I'll be back in a minute and then I'm all ears. But I desperately need to piss."

He vanished and Nicholas sat alone in the tiny kitchen whose small window looked out onto a square yard which resembled the yard where he used to live. In the centre grew a huge chestnut tree whose branches were still completely leafless.

The kettle whistled and Nicholas jumped but Matthias came in from the bathroom and pulled off the pipe.

Matthias remained in silence during the next half hour while Nicholas told him the events of last night. Now and then he proffered some remarks or questions, and finally shook his head in amazement.

"I cannot belief you are so unimportant to Marcus. All what you told me over the last few weeks ... it sounded so ... happy and all right. And I was glad you had finally found someone. But now, are you sure that he's is the right man for you? I mean, he's someone from a totally foreign and strange environment and upbringing. Perhaps he can't understand your situation. Maybe he just doesn't care about anything else other than himself."

He stretched out his hand.

"I don't want to hurt you, Nick. But if I can help you I must tell the truth, do you understand?" His blue-grey eyes were pleading.

"Of course I understand you, buddy. And I'm really glad I can talk to you about everything. I'm just surprised you understand me so well, I mean..."

"You mean, especially because I'm NOT gay, right?"

Nicholas nodded and Matthias chuckled. "But it was you who told me, what's the difference! I fancy women and you men. But the goal is the same."

"So, what's the goal?" Nicholas asked quietly.

"To be happy?"

"Yeah, to be happy. But I'm afraid, I'm not happy right now." A little half grin appeared around his mouth. "I guess I should go now. I don't want to disturb your Sunday with Tina." He rose. "Thanks for being there for me. But I guess I must sort this out by myself."

Matthias followed him into the hall. "Where are you going now?"

"Home. To my old flat."

"But aren't you afraid of the man who's after you? You have no protection if you are alone. You can stay here if you want."

But Nicholas shook sadly his head. "I don't want to. I must be alone."

* * *

"Do you have to work tonight?" Sebastian lay relaxed in bed and stroked Kay’s hair.

"No. I called while you were in the bath and said I had something better to do this evening." He turned onto his stomach and looked into Sebastian's face.

"So? What is it, this 'something better'?"

"Fucking you until the sun rises! What else?"

Sebastian chuckled. "Ah! Fucking ME! Are you sure?"

"What do you mean: Are you sure? Have you never been fucked before?"

"But of course, sweetheart. But it's a long time ago."

"I will be careful, promise."

Sebastian grinned again and stroked a blond strand from of Kay's face. "What's the real colour of your hair? Like Simon's brown?"

"Yes. You don't like the blond hair?"

"You would look better with your natural colour. It would emphasize your beautiful eyes."

"Do I have beautiful eyes?"

"But yes." Sebastian bent over and brushed the eyes with his lips.

Kay giggled. "If you say so..." His gaze fell upon the little alarm clock on the nightstand. "Didn't you want to call Marcus? It must be now ... 8 in the morning, right?"

"Yes," groaned Sebastian and rose with a sigh. "Why hasn't Marcus an extension next to his bed? I always have to run down into the hall."

But naked as he was he went downstairs, fished the number of Marcus' mobile out of his jacket pocket and dialled. Marcus was instantly on the phone.

"Good news, Bastian?"

"The good news would be if you came home, my friend. Nicholas is gone."

"What - gone? Where?"

"Home, I guess. You don't have his address, do you?"

Again there was an alarmed pause on the phone. "You tell me seriously that Nicholas is gone and you don't know where? God Sebastian! You cannot take care of him for a single day?"

Marcus was shouting and Sebastian held the receiver away from his ear.

"Well, that's another reason to come home," he said finally.

"What have you done with him?"

"Nothing! I told you he would be cross. He feel abandoned, that's all. Now move your ass here, right now."

Again there was silence and Sebastian knew Marcus was fighting with himself.

"Ok. I'm coming. But I don't have his address!"

"Doesn't matter. Kay knows where Matthias works and he will certainly know his address. But we can't ask him until tomorrow."

"Yeah, Sunday, I know. Listen, Bastian. I'll take the next plane to Germany, don't know which one and when I'll arrive. I call you when I'm on the way, ok?"

"Good. So this wasn't such a hard decision, was it?" Sebastian asked ironically. But Marcus had already cut the line.

* * *

His flat greeted him with its familiar disorder. He put down his suitcase upon his small couch which was also his bed and opened the windows. The sound of a loud radio which echoed over the tiny yard, pierced his ears and brought him back to the realization that this had been a very short trip into nonchalance and happiness.

He sat upon the couch and let his head drop. The walls around him seemed bare and cold because they were empty of all his paintings and with a little stab of loss he remembered the mask Marcus had bought for him and which still hung in Marcus' bedroom. He would had given everything to have Marcus come through the door right now, to embrace him, to kiss him, to undress him, to comfort him and a dry sob escaped his throat. Annoyed he wiped his eyes. But why make such a tragedy out of it? Marcus has to work to earn his money, which he also spends on you, you dunderhead, and what are you doing? You reproach him because he isn't there, bawl because you can't live without him! Since when aren't you use to living alone, huh?

He stood up and walked across the room to the kitchen. In the fridge he found a bottle of beer, opened it and drank. But then, what had happened wasn't just a joke. His life had certainly been threatened and Marcus didn't care a fuck about it. What should he do now? Above all there was the Academy of Arts which he was determined to attend whatever happened. His hand would heal soon and he could go on Tuesday to look around, to get to know his classmates and his teacher. Hopefully it wouldn't be Frank. He wasn't sure if he could stand his presence now without the strength Marcus gave him.

Nicholas felt the alcohol circulating warmly through his veins and a certain lightness in his head reminded him that he had eaten nothing that morning.

Frustrated he shuffled to his little, old fridge to find that there was nothing eatable there anymore. The butter was rancid, cheese and bread mouldy. The only thing he found was a tomato, perhaps four weeks old but still red and full like a rubber ball and likewise inedible. Genetically modified crap obviously, Nicholas muttered under his breath.

He searched the shelves for something eatable and found a tin of tomato soup and a torn open box of pasta. Well, better than nothing, he thought, he could thicken the soup to a sauce.

While he stirred the red sauce in the pan, he asked himself how to continue. Give up Marcus because they were too different as Matthias stated? He shook his head. They had got along so well together these last few weeks, there wasn't any sign of class differences. Marcus had never let him sense that Nicholas wasn't good enough for him, too stupid or uneducated. Rather the opposite. And the meeting with Sebastian and Kay had brought so much light into his life; he missed them now so much that he almost felt a physical pain.

Nicholas shoved in the pasta without tasting. The only thing he could think was that he couldn't lose Marcus and had behaved like a little, defiant child. But he would only show up at Marcus' house when he was back, in the meantime Sebastian had called Marcus for sure, but what would he do?

Nicholas pushed away the only half-empty plate. The beer had made him tired. He closed the windows and stretched out on the couch. But the ringing of the telephone made him jerk upright. Quicker than he thought possible, Nicholas jumped to answer it, but there wasn't any sound as he listened. But nevertheless he sensed that there was somebody on the other end of the line and he finally yelled to fuck off, slammed the receiver back and jumped upon the couch again.

He woke up with a jolt, rubbing his eyes and noticed that it was growing dark outside. He rose, went slowly to the window and stared from the first floor, where he lived, over the yard and up to the countless bright, small windows around it. One thing he always had appreciated was that Marcus had no building overlooking his and they could be very uninhibited, doing exactly what they liked without feeling watched.

His wrist began to hurt again but he had forgotten to bring any aspirin with him. Dejectedly he went into the kitchen and pulled out the last bottle of beer of the fridge. Maybe if he got drunk the pain would subside, and not only the pain in his hand.

He heard his neighbour above him stamping with heavy steps through his flat and knew in a few minutes he would switch on the TV and perhaps the VCR to watch some of his stupid porn.

He decided to turn on his own TV and let himself sink into his old armchair. It didn't take long before he was sound asleep. Again he dreamt about a dark shining car with screaming brakes whose headlights dazzled him, tasted the choking petrol in his throat mixed with the sweet scent of chloroform. He wandered alone through unknown deserted streets and felt himself followed by a man in a long coat and a hat pulled low over his forehead.

In the middle of the night he woke up again, turned off the TV, listened and turned back to the couch were he fell asleep again.

*

Sebastian drowsily lifted his left eyelid and moaned very quietly just on the point of shooting load into Kay's ravenous sucking mouth. Kay peered into Sebastian's almost relaxed face and redoubled his exertions to get the prize which was not be long in coming.

"O man," Sebastian panted huskily, "you're like a greedy cat, honey, but I love it." He grinned like the famous Cheshire cat as Kay stretched himself over his body at full length and pressed his semen-flecked lips on Sebastian's.

"Now how do you feel?" Kay whispered, "after this long fuck?" he added.

Sebastian tasted the bitter-sweetness on his tongue.

"Want any more?"

"Heavens, no!" Sebastian shouted and rolled Kay onto his back. "For the present I've definitely had enough, baby, I guess my asshole is loaded with fire now", he said grinning. "But you are good, lover boy, almost as good as Marcus."

"Am I in a sort of an competition?" Kay frowned, "why don't you go and fuck him like crazy if he is THAT good?"

"Oh," Sebastian regretted his words instantly. "You are too sensitive. But I'm sorry. I only wanted to compliment you."

He kissed Kay's nose. "Forgive me?" He felt Kay's hardness between his legs, straining against his belly and began a gently humping, which conjured a smile on Kay's face. Sebastian had fallen in love with this smile but then the thought of Matthias hit him and he remembered that he wanted to go and ask him for the address, so he quickened the hand job until he felt Kay arch his back and his hot white cum flood into and over his hand and belly. Then he lifted the giggling Kay up from the bed and vanished with him in the bathroom.

* * *

This shopping centre was certainly not one of Sebastian's favourite places so he plodded rather grouchily through the departments, looked more or less interested at the displayed products and studied the directions. It took a while until he found the right place, entered the escalator and proceeded upstairs.

It was hot under the shining lamps and he felt dazzled at this early morning hour. Sebastian grinned. It was just after nine am - definitely too early for a man like him. He noticed the back of a young man between several shelves which looked very like Matthias, approached him, cleared his throat and asked innocently, "Excuse me, Sir, do you have bulbs in stock?"

Matthias spun around, stopped short for a moment and then a broad grin spread over his face. "Sebastian!" But instantly he frowned. "Has something happened to Nick?"

Sebastian nodded. "Have you seen him?"

"But yes. Yesterday he was at my house but wanted to go back home."

Sebastian sighed. "Good. We thought he would go to you first, but do you have his address?"

"But of course. Wait a minute." He went to the counter, and scribbled something on the note pad. "Here, have you a clue where this is?"

Sebastian narrowed his eyes and tried to read the address. Then he shook his head.

"No clue, but I have a city map in the car." He smiled at the younger man. "By the way, Marcus is on the way here, could be that he's already at home and waiting for me."

"Indeed?" Matthias beamed. "You persuaded him in the end?"

"Sort of, yes. He's a damn stubborn bugger." He looked at his watch.

"And you?" he asked then, "everything ok? How do you like the work here?"

"Well, I could image something better, but it's ok, yes. But how's Kay? Do you want to take him back with you to Rome?"

Sebastian looked at him as if he said something stupid. "Not a bad idea, my friend." He smiled. "I must go, take care of you. Hope we'll meet again sometime."

*

Nick woke up because he was freezing. His hands and feet were ice cold and he searched in his suitcase for a thick pullover and turned on the old gas heating. Again he looked out of the window to find it was drizzling outside. He yawned. Weather to match his own mood. His stomach felt empty which reminded him to buy something to eat, luckily he still had Marcus' credit card and wouldn't hesitate to use it. After all, it was Marcus who paid for this flat, his telephone- and TV-bills, although he never understood the reason why Nick had insisted to keep his flat. Well now he would know: for cases like these.

While he had a lick and a promise in the bathroom he pondered what he would do first, and the more he thought about Marcus the more he missed him and his mood improved considerably. He turned on the radio, listened to the newest horror news from all over the world and was ready for a hot cup of coffee. He was sure somewhere was a little left. But then the telephone rang again and Nicholas was instantly on the line.

First he heard nothing like the call last night, but then there was a hollow, male voice said, "Are you already prepared for a long journey?"

"Huh?" Nicholas didn't understand what he meant. "What do you mean? Who are you? What journey?"

Silence. Then, "You will see. Soon."

"Hello?" Nicholas shouted into the receiver. But the line was dead.

Confused he stared at the receiver in his hand and jumped as the doorbell rang. Frightened he gazed at the brown painted entrance door and his heartbeat quickened. "You will see," echoed in his mind. "Soon."

Was he there already?

The bell rang again. Nicholas tiptoed to the door and laid his ear against the wood. He cursed that the door didn't have a peephole to look who's there.

Somebody hammered against the wood and Nicholas jumped. "Who," he cleared his throat, "who's there?" he asked.

"It's me, honey, come, open the door."

"Marcus!" Nicholas' trembling hands fumbled with the key, unlocked it finally and tore open the door. It was like a blow to the stomach to see his lover again and with one smooth motion he grabbed him by the arm, dragged him inside and pulled him into a tight embrace.

"What are you doing here?" he murmured close to Marcus' ear. "I thought you'd never come again."

"Nonsense", Marcus said softly, "why are you so mixed up?"

Marcus gently broke free and looked deeply into Nicholas' eyes.

"You don't look good, honey, slept badly?" He looked at the rings under his eyes and ran his fingers through his lover's dishevelled hair.

"But how do you know ... why do you ... are you ..." Nicholas stuttered until Marcus laughed and went with him into the only room of the flat.

"Sebastian got your address from Matthias. He went to the shop this morning."

"Sebastian?" Nicholas asked doubtfully. "He called you?"

"Yes. And he certainly put me straight. Thoroughly."

Marcus sat on the couch and pulled Nicholas beside him. "See, I'm sorry for all." He took his right, bandaged hand into his own.

"But tell me first all about the accident. Sebastian said you had drunk to much and stumbled in the street..."

"So you think I was drunk and therefore the car hit me?" Nicholas said excitedly. "No, Marcus. I wasn't drunk nor was this an accident. The car turned twice to return and came directly to me. If Sebastian hadn't been there I would ... I would..." he left the sentence unfinished.

Marcus blinked and stroked his hand. "Does it still hurt? But, baby what about the Academy, the new term starts tomorrow, what will you do?"

"But that's not important to me at the moment. Understand."

"Yes, yes, it's ok." Marcus leaned back and pulled Nicholas' to his chest. "Now I'm here to take care of you, it will never happen again."

"You will protect me 24 hours a day now?" He peered up into Marcus dark eyes. "That's impossible, and you know it. The only thing I want to know is if all the incidents - the mugger with the cloth, the fire and the car - were the same person and if so, why he's doing it. I doubt you can help me with this, or have you any idea. Sebastian said he wouldn't know about it."

Marcus stroked the blond hair and remained silent. He debated with himself as to whether he should tell him his suspicions concerning Simon or if this would Nicholas frighten furthermore. He decided against it.

"Really, honey. I don't know if there is a connection."

Nicholas broke free from his embrace. "But surely there must be," he exclaimed. "You must be blind not to see it! Why do you take it all so ... calmly?!"

"Sssh, I'm not taking it calmly." Marcus tried to soothe him. "But I don't want to upset you with things which we don't know about. It's only ... suspicious circumstances so far."

"Suspicious circumstances? You have somebody in mind? Who?"

Marcus shook his head.

"But yes! Tell me! And stop treating me like a little child!"

"We think it could be Simon," Marcus said quietly.

Nicholas looked at him in disbelief. "Simon?" he croaked. "That's absurd." Abruptly he remembered the call. "I had a call just before you arrived. Two calls," he correct himself.

"A call? What call?"

"A man, asking me if I was prepared to make a long journey."

Marcus gazed at him. "A long journey? Did he say anything else?"

"Hm, nothing. It was strange, but then you were at the door and I was scared shitless that it could be him." He thought a moment. "But the voice sounded older, it couldn't be the voice of Simon. I'm sure."

Marcus dropped his head and Nicholas wiped a strand of black hair out of his eyes. "But now tell me all about yourself. Are you hungry? Thirsty?" Marcus had come straight from the airport it crossed his mind and he was probably dog tired. "Want to sleep a bit?"

Marcus lifted his head and grinned. "I'm fine, darling." He looked around. "Now, this is your flat." He stood up and went to the window. Then he turned and sized up the room with one look.

"I know it's not exactly the Charlottenburg castle but it's cheap." And noisy and dirty and empty, he added for himself. Suddenly he felt ashamed and avoided Marcus look.

"Hey," Marcus said good-humoured, "it's a great flat. But the walls look a bit empty because all your paintings are now in my ... our house. Don't you want to come with me? Right now? And on the way you can explain me why you ran away so fast and without any good reason."

Nicholas watched the sleeping Marcus lying bent together in the corner of the couch. Sebastian had gone with Kay to his own apartment and had left a note for them. He was thankful that he hadn't had to face the man. While he was looking at his lover he couldn't understand himself anymore. What did Sebastian have that Marcus didn't? Was it only his presence while Marcus searched around the world for a precious screen?

Marcus stirred a bit and his eyelashes fluttered. Nicholas knelt beside him and gave him a little peck on his cheek. "Hey, sleeping beauty", he whispered. Marcus smiled and rose into a sitting position. "What's the time?"

"Past eight."

"Past eight? Man, that late already?" He focused his gaze on Nicholas.

"You must be hungry."

Nicholas shook his head. "Not hungry." He bent over and kissed his lips. "Can we go upstairs?"

Marcus nodded.

In the middle of the bedroom he stood and rummaged in his still-unpacked suitcase for a little box. He handed it to Nicholas.

"What's this?" Nicholas looked at the box wrapped in blue paper.

"Open it."

Nicholas ripped the paper and opened it. Then he looked amazed at a silver coin which had a little hole and through it a very small leather ribbon. The soft light of the lamp mirrored in it and Nicholas could make out an imprinted head.

He looked up into Marcus' smiling face. "What is it? It's beautiful."

"An old Indian coin, sort of a peace medal which scouts used to wear."

"Indian scouts? It's authentic?"

Marcus nodded. "It's a good luck charm. I think you could need it."

He stepped closer, took the small leather band from the box and fastened it around Nicholas' neck. It was short and the medal felt cool upon his skin. He turned Nicholas to face him. "It suits you well." And without any further word he began to undress him and Nicholas let it happened with growing anticipation.

"I have missed you, honey. So much", Marcus murmured into his ears while he continued to undress him, allowed his jeans fall to the carpet, sat him upon the bed, kicked off his shoes, his socks, his pants and began a tender excursion first with his mouth, then with his tongue and finally with his hands.

Nicholas let himself fall back upon the bed and almost lost his mind. The only thing he could feel was the warmth of the mouth and the breath upon his skin and a brief interruption let him know that Marcus had undressed himself until he felt again a heavy, hot body upon his own, licking every inch of his body, beginning with his collarbone and ending in the area of his groin.

Nicholas felt as if he was in a warm bath, graced with warm water, with loving caresses and surrounded by a deep, seductive voice, telling him to turn over onto his stomach where he felt a lithe, wet tongue sneaking into the crack of his ass, searching for his hole, wetting it, pushing lightly inside, making him moan in delight while one hand was rubbing his erect meat, the other was spreading his ass cheeks.

Another interruption and Nicholas knew, Marcus was searching for lube in the drawer, turned again to his back but never opened his eyes. It was a strange feeling to lie there in absolute darkness and to see only with his senses. He felt Marcus' mouth on his cock, sucking lightly, wandering beneath to inhale his balls and as he thought he couldn't stand it any longer he felt his legs lifted and the big, yielding tip of Marcus' penis at his entrance. A cautious push and he slipped inside, stopped and pressed his mouth on Nicholas'. "Are you ok?" he heard his voice and opened his eyes slowly. The gas lamps from outside mirrored into Marcus' black, burning eyes. Slowly and without obstacles his cock sank in and caused Nicholas a moan which came deep from his throat.

He never lost his smile while Marcus made love to him, to mesh his soul with his, to connect their bodies, licking stray tears from the corner of his eyes, to share suppressed cries and finally to fell asleep together.

When Marcus awoke, Nicholas' body was lying almost on top of him, the head heavy on his shoulder, his breath steady and calm. He enjoyed the warm body and asked himself if he ever had such a peaceful feeling. Certainly not with Simon. His eyes found Sebastian's face in the painting. With him? Yes - sometimes. Marcus wouldn't have minded if he and Sebastian had remained together together for a lifetime, but ... his friend couldn't be faithful, he was always searching and never finding and Marcus wondered how long Kay would be able to hold him.

He stroked the soft down on Nicholas' back and pondered about the events, the accident and about all the calls. Someone was following him and his lover, had learnt his name to search for the telephone number to make his frightening calls. "Prepared for a long journey"... This could surely only mean either a kidnapping or ... death.

Marcus' grip tightened around Nicholas' naked shoulder. Whoever he was had obviously tried both. How could he protect him? He thought briefly about reporting to the police but rejected the idea. It would be useless.

He pressed his lips into Nicholas' hair. Now, lying so close to his lover he couldn't understand himself - his stupid eagerness for an old wooden screen. It seemed so ridiculous to him now to put this above the life of Nicholas. But he knew himself; he possessed that same hunting fever that his father and grandfather had, a nose for possibilities and the skill at negotiation which always got what he wanted. He knew certainly that it was exactly this instinct that had scared Simon away from him to search for happiness in other beds and he was well aware that he was the reason for all the things that had happened to his ex-lover.

Nicholas bandaged hand stirred and wandered around Marcus' chest, he sighed deeply and lifted his head to peer into his face.

"Hi, angel," Marcus said.

"Morning, lover." Nicholas yawned sleepily. "Why are you awake so early?"

Marcus chuckled. "Early is good. It's past ten."

"Really?" Then reality hit him and he sat up. "I have to go to the Academy! Shit!" He was about to jump out of the bed, but felt himself held back.

"Stop it, baby. There's no need to rush. You can go in the afternoon."

"Do you think so? Well", he said sighing. "You are right, only introduction events anyway. I don't need them."

He lay back into the pillows and Marcus bent over him and nuzzled his neck.

"The medallion suits you really well, baby." he whispered.

"Oh", Nicholas' fingers embraced the silver medal. "Do you think it will work?"

"What will work?"

"As a good luck charm."

Marcus stared intently into his face. "I'll stay with you until we find the man who is after us, I promise you." he said seriously.

Nicholas lifted his hands and stroked Marcus' hair at the nape of his neck.

"The most terrifying thing is that there is somebody watching me. Someone who knows everything I'm doing, where I'm going to, knows my number, my address. And I have no clue why!"

Marcus bent down his face to kiss his dry lips. "I understand you, darling. I feel the same. Let's think about it - can you remember the car? What colour, type, number plate or anything?"

Nicholas shook his head. "It was night and the car was dark but that's all I know."

"So you really think Simon is out of question? I mean the voice ... he could change it, make it deeper perhaps or there are two persons."

"But the reason, Marcus. As long we don't know the reason we can't sort it out. Simon could be cross with you of course. An abandoned ex-lover, suffering from AIDS." He paused. "Frank. A vicious game he plays. But I don't really see the reason for him to do it. He had me and forgot me. This was his sole intention. He made a fool out of me, and it's long time ago."

He gazed into Marcus eyes. "Alex? A dismissed employee. But why he should after ME? I could understand the fire at the exhibition to harm you, but me? Or do you have any other enemies? Some sick persons who want to destroy you by destroying me?"

Marcus sighed and rolled onto his back again. "Believe me," he said, "I have thought about it again and again, but nobody comes to my mind. I always play fair, there's no one I could imagine I have hurt that much."

He pulled Nicholas into his arms. "How is your hand?" he asked.

"Better. It's stopped hurting. But only as long I don't move it. Doc said I have to go for a check in few days."

"But there will be no after effects?"

"No. I don't think so." Nicholas looked at Marcus' painting at the wall. "I want to paint more portraits of you, you know."

"Do you?"

"Yes. All naked. More exciting."

"Ah!!" Marcus grinned and ruffled his hair. "Tell me about Sebastian and Kay. There's something between them isn't there?"

"Oh yes. Kay came here after the accident and Sebastian brought me home and ..."

"And?"

Nicholas bite his lips. "I mean, we were upset and Sebastian had forgotten Kay was still at the Moonbreaker. But certainly they've reconciled since."

"So he took good care of you, did he?" In Marcus' voice was a strange undertone. "Did he try anything?"

"Huh?"

"You understood me."

"Well, no..."

"Sebastian is after everyone in pants, you know."

Nicholas changed the theme. "He told me Anna hates him."

"Oh, Anna. Well, 'hate' is too strong a term, I'd say. She use to have terrible quarrels with Simon, he was a pretty slut and changed the house during my absence into a cave of robbers, invited suspicious people to parties. And I had to take the consequences when I came back."

While he spoke, his eyes gazed at Simon's picture at the wall. The sparkling, dark eyes, the impish grin, the round butt, peering out of the towel. Briefly he remembered their wild nights on the carpet in the living room, their fucking sessions in the bad tub and on the big table in the dining room or on a summer night in the garden on the bare earth between the sweet smelling grass and flowers. He could still smell the scent of the joints he brought sometimes after which all the colours around them were brighter, all sounds more transparent, all feelings more intense and Marcus felt he could fuck him forever.

"His clothes were spread all over the house." he continued. "I forbade him to enter my little studio under the roof and that was the only order he ever respected."

But last night ... this was not a 'fucking session'. This was ... love.

Marcus head cleared.

"He cannot paint?" Nicholas suddenly asked.

Certainly it was love. Something I've never felt before. God, Marcus

Nicholas nudged him with his knee. "Have you fallen asleep again?"

"Uh, no he couldn't paint. Hey," he bent once again over Nicholas. "The world doesn't consist only of painters, darling." He smiled.

Nicholas smiled back. "But you never told me why she 'hates' Sebastian."

"But I told you she is jealous. I grew up with her, and I know her better than my mother, you understand."

"Wasn't there an incident after you and Sebastian came home for a holiday from Switzerland?"

Marcus narrowed his eyes. "Who told you that? Bastian?"

Nicholas nodded.

"Chatterbox."

"But why? He seems to be a bit sad when he told me about it."

"Sad? Sebastian?" Of course, he thought then. Sebastian had a remarkable talent of hiding his real feelings. They never talked about this incident which seemed a thousand years ago as both were little more than children and had only just begun to express their love for each other. Marcus always had the feeling that this was the real reason for Sebastian's restless character, that he couldn't be faithful, searching for a silent place to rest ... for the man he could settle down with, but was always afraid there could be another Anna...

He sighed. "Yes, Anna told my parents what she had seen and Sebastian was forbidden to enter the house or to see me again. But I fought for him. Did you know that my head is harder than granite?" he grinned.

"I suspected as much. But what finally parted you?"

Marcus shook his head. "I don't know exactly. Circumstances. We lived together."

"Here?"

"No. In Sebastian's flat. The one he still lives in. But we couldn't live together. I can't describe it. He looked for other men and I couldn't bear it... or something."

"But why did he look for other men? I would never..." Nicholas suddenly went silent.

"Yes, you would never." Marcus kissed his lips and smiled. "Do you feel better? Shall we completely scare away the nasty thoughts?"

He rubbed his hardening cock over Nicholas'.

"Every time", Nicholas panted.

*

"Mum? It's me. How are you?" Nicholas patted his full stomach and lounged on the couch.

"Nicholas! I'm so happy you've finally called. I felt very bad after you had he argument with your father. He didn't mean to say what he said, you must believe me."

"I believe you, mum. But said is said. I cannot speak to him seriously. It's useless. He thinks a faggot is a monster or somebody who rapes little children or something."

"Nicholas. Please, don't say that. It's ... I tried to talk about it with him."

"And? Successfully?"

"No." Her voice was low. "But how can I live with this? I don't want to lose you."

"You don't lose me, mum." He thought quickly whether he should tell her about the accident but decided against it. He didn't want to upset her more than necessary.

"This afternoon I'm going to the Academy to start again. I want to get my final exams."

"And how long do you have to go for?"

"Another year I guess."

"A whole year! And how will you live in the meantime? You are certainly out of money!"

"Yes. But I get some support from the Academy. And I have the money for my sold paintings. That's enough."

"It's , Nicholas. Will Marcus pay for you?"

Nicholas sighed. "Yes. You know that, and it's ok."

"You ... you get along well?"

"Yes. Very well." Nicholas grinned. "Bye, mum. I'll call you again."

He put back the receiver and sat there pondering. He didn’t feel good about his father. It hurt more than he wanted to admit. To be called a faggot was one thing - but from his own father it was another. Surely underneath he didn't change, after all he was still his son and he had loved him until he learnt that his son was gay. What had changed then, where was the difference now?

He heard Anna rummaging in the kitchen, stood up, put the telephone back into its place in the hall and went upstairs.

Marcus lay crosswise over the bed and studied a rather thick book. Nicholas sat beside him and peered over his shoulder.

"Still there?" Marcus asked. "I thought you had already gone. Without a kiss good-bye!" He grinned.

"Just called my mother."

"And?"

"Fine."

"What fine?"

Nicholas shrugged. "My father is upset about me."

Marcus face told him he didn't understand.

"I had a row with him. He found out that I'm living with you. And that I'm gay", he added.

Marcus look dismayed. "How did he find out? Somebody told him? Your mother?"

"No, not my mother. He read it in the newspaper."

"Newspaper?" Then his face lit up. "Ah, the report about the exhibition. But I don't quite understand thought."

"There was a report in the tabloids, mentioned your gayness and that I'm your newest conquest."

"Oh."

Marcus sat up and pulled him into an embrace. "I'm sorry," he whispered. "He took it badly, yes?" He kissed his cheek.

"It's all right. You can't help me with this. What you are looking for?" He gestured at the book.

"Screens."

"Screens? Is there a photo of the screen you were after?" Suddenly Nicholas realized that Marcus hadn't said a word about it.

"What about the Burne-Jones screen? You've lost him? For my sake?"

Marcus shook his head. "Not for your sake. Nothing could be more important to me than you."

Nicholas' cheeks reddened briefly. "But the man will sell it to someone else, right?"

"Carlisle, yes. I don't know. Suddenly it seemed he wasn't sure if he should sell it anyway. But I made him an offer he could scarcely refuse and he wanted to think it over."

"But then I interfered and you lost it probably."

"But no, darling." Marcus stroked Nicholas' cheeks. "I don't care about it. It's not important."

"Is it in this book?"

Marcus took it to his knees and leafed through the pages. "Look here." Nicholas saw a folding dark wooden screen whose upper part consisted of painted glass. There were four people, probably two men and two women, he couldn't make out the androgynous forms exactly, in wide flowing gowns apparently busy with home- and field work.

"And Burne-Jones painted this, right?"

"Right. It's the only screen he ever painted."

"And how did it get to America?"

Nicholas looked at his watch. "Oh shit, it's getting late. I have to go. Tell me later all about it, OK?"

He was already out of the room and running upstairs, as Marcus jumped up. "Wait, I'll drive you," he shouted.

Nicholas fastened his seat belt and Marcus started the engine.

"I promised to look after you. It's not a good idea to let you go alone."

Nicholas smiled at him. "Now, tell me about the screen."

"Well, the screen once belonged to a rich Jewish surgeon until the Nazis gassed him and his family in Buchenwald. The screen was confiscated and survived the war in a cave along with some other pieces of Art. There some American soldiers found it and took it home. But now the heirs want to sell it, actually to a museum."

"And you heard about it and made him a better offer, right?" Nicholas asked. "But wouldn't it be better to put it in a museum where everybody could see it? Especially as it's the only screen he ever made?".

Marcus looked at him sideways. "Actually I suppose yes."

"But?"

"My selfishness tells me I want to have it for my own. That's all. It would look marvellous in the bedroom."

"Where only I could see it", Nicholas added. "And perhaps other lovers..." He grinned.

"And other lovers. Right." Marcus gave him a playfully slap on his thigh and then said, 'Have I ever told you that I'm happy with you?" He took Nicholas' left hand and squeezed it.

"No, you haven't," Nicholas said quietly and looked at him. "Did I ever tell you that I'm happy with you?"

Marcus smiled and turned into the next street. They drove in silence until they reached the brick building of the Academy. There weren't too many people around and it gave a rather deserted impression.

"It's now half past one. When shall I pick you up?" Marcus asked.

"Hm, do you really want to?"

"But of course."

"I have no idea when I'll be finished. Perhaps two hours? Can you wait that long? Or do you have other things to do?"

"Actually no. But tell me, you said you used to live around here?"

"Yes. The other side of the street and then the next turning right. Nr. 12. Why?"

Marcus bent over and kissed Nicholas. "Take care of yourself. Good luck."

He watched Nicholas going into the building, started the engine, drove slowly along the street and turned into the next street. Then he parked his car, got out and looked for Nr. 12.

He never had been in this area of the town before, although he had been born here. He looked at the old barrack blocks of flats with their peeled plaster, saw a Turkish merchant selling vegetables and women with scarves around their heads, shoving prams in front of them. Most of the houses were smeared with coloured scribbling, the window sashes were rotten, balconies dilapidated and useless and from the backyards there came the sounds of kids playing.

He stopped at Nr. 12 and looked it up and down. He felt rather out of place in his light brown lambskin jacket and expensive boots, and entered the heavy, dirty door hesitantly. He turned up his nose as the urine stench met him, an old, decayed smell of rotten furniture and something more.

His eyes looked at the mailboxes for the name Zellner and found it. Third floor. Nobody passed him as he climbed up the staircase and stopped in front of the door to Nicholas' parents' flat. He listened for a moment, then determinedly pressed the button. Vera Zellner opened the door but as she saw Marcus she frowned a bit.

"Excuse me, Mrs. Zellner. Do you have a little time for me? But if it's the wrong time..."

"No, no. It is all right. Come in, please." She made room for him to enter the tiny hall. "Actually I thought it was my son."

"Sorry. I took him to the Academy and then I remembered Nicholas told me about his father, so... is he here?"

Vera sighed. "Yes he's here. But he hasn't much time because he has to go to work soon."

"But is it possible to speak to him? To both of you?"

Vera realizing she was impolite to leave him standing there in the hall, motioned him to take off his jacket and to come into the living room.

"He's just changing his clothes, but I'll call him. Can I offer you something to drink? Coffee? Tea?"

"I'd like to have a coffee, please."

Vera disappeared into the kitchen and Marcus stood in the living room and looked around. He felt very uncomfortable. All he could see was ... poverty. Worn out furniture, unfashionable; bulky rubbish in his opinion. But it was carefully cleaned and the curtains in front of the window were freshly washed. Now he could understand Nicholas shyness and aloofness. His house must had hit him like a thunderclap compared to the place where he had grown up.

Vera entered the room again with a tray with three cups and plates, a coffee jug and a cake which she had already cut into slices.

Marcus helped her to arrange it on the table. "Please, sit down Mr. Weidenbruch. I've told my husband and he'll be here in a minute."

"Call me Marcus, please." He took his plate and tasted the yellow cake. "Delicious. Homemade?"

Vera nodded anxiously, darting very brief looks to the young man sitting relaxed in the armchair, holding the plate under his mouth and enjoying the cake.

"My son is well?"

"Oh yes." Marcus was determined not to mention the unpleasantness that had been happening recently. "He's fine. I hope he will enjoy the lessons at the Academy and find some friends."

Vera cleared her throat with a gulp of coffee. "And your friend?" she ask cautiously.

"Friend? Oh, you mean Sebastian. Yes, he's fine too."

"What does he do for a living?"

"Well, he works for me, so to speak. He studied history of Art and keep up with the collectors in Italy."

"Italy?"

"Yes, in Rome."

"Italy." Vera looked down pensively at the faded table cloth.

"Yes. Where lemon- and almond trees are blooming... to quote our Goethe."

He grinned but said then, "I'm sorry. I suppose you've never been to Italy."

Vera shook her head. Then she listened and heard her husband coming from the bedroom. Marcus put down his plate and stood up as Rudolf Zellner entered the room. With a quick glance he sized him up and down and noticed that Nicholas wasn't at all like this small, almost bald-headed man, but the grip of his big hand was very firm.

Vera filled a cup for her husband and pushed a plate with cake in front of him.

"So, Mr. .. er .. er .. Weidenbusch, what brings you here - to us?" Rudolf avoided to look into Marcus' face. He had seen the elegant jacket hanging in the hall and after one look at Marcus black silk shirt Rudolf felt himself unimportant and inferior.

"I want you to get to know me. That's my only motive to come to you. And I wanted to know you both. I'm not quite sure if my name means anything to you but I'm working as promoter of modern- and collector of ancient pieces of Art."

"I know very well who you are," Rudolf threw in. His gaze was unfriendly. "Can you make a living out of that?"

Vera looked doubtfully at her husband but Marcus grinned and showed his white teeth. "Of course I can."

"So my son is now your newest toy as I read in the newspaper", Rudolf spat out contemptuously. "I never realized that he was ... gay."

"Do you have any problems with that? If yes, why?"

Vera looked constantly at Marcus' face and wondered how he could stay so relaxed. Perhaps he had endured many such similar conversations and was very aware what to say and answer.

"Of course I have problems with it, like every NORMAL man."

Marcus snorted. "So you think I'm abnormal, well," he shrugged his shoulders and took another bite from the cake. "I'll have to come to terms with that, right? But I shall tell you that I don't mind what you think about ME, Mr. Zellner." Marcus' eyes were suddenly piercing and almost black. "But it matters a lot to me what do you think about your son. And," he looked at Vera, "I'm sure Nicholas' mother would be unhappy to know that father and son have a row and don't speak together."

His voice was hard. "So, I ask you again. What is the problem?"

Rudolf bent over the table. "The problem is that it is ABNORMAL to ... to fuck with a man." He shot a glance at his wife.

Marcus raised his eyebrows. "Ah! It's abnormal to fuck with a man! Do you see it the same way, Vera? Is it abnormal for you to share your bed with a man?"

"But she's a woman, you..." Rudolf raised his voice.

"So she must know how it is to love a man. Am I right? To me it makes no difference." Marcus emptied his cup. "Well, the only thing I wish is that you try to understand us. I like your son." He shook his head. "More than this. I want to live with him, he is," he searched for words, "very important to me. And I promise you I'll take care of him."

The last words he spoke to Nicholas' mother and looked deep into her eyes. Vera nodded imperceptibly. Marcus rose.

"Ok. Now you have seen me, I guess it was necessary," he said in a conciliatory tone. "I hope you get used to it sometime, Mr. Zellner."

Vera stood up and accompanied Marcus into the hall where he put on his jacket.

"I'm sorry about this, Marcus." She made a helpless motion. Marcus would had liked to pull her into an embrace but didn't dare. Instead he said, "I'll take care of him. He is ... a real sunshine."

Vera smiled.

* * *

Nicholas stood in front of a huge glass framed notice board hanging in the white painted hall and studied the register lists. There were surprisingly many names and he pondered briefly how Marcus had managed to get him a place too. On top of the names of the students and the number of working groups were written the names of the teachers.

Nicholas looked for Frank's name but couldn't find it the first time. Just as he was about to breathe a sigh of relief he found his own name and looked through the others to see whether he could find a familiar name but failed. Then he searched for the name of the teacher and cursed loudly.

"Something wrong?" he heard a voice behind him. A young man was coming along the hall and had stopped beside him. Nicholas looked into a pair of hazelnut brown eyes covered by thin, black spectacle frames. His lips were full and red and he was slightly unshaven. His long jet black hair was tied together into a ponytail.

"Are you new too?" Nicholas asked.

"No." The young man came closer. "Any problems in finding your name?"

"No, no. I got it, I just found out the teacher."

The hazelnut eyes looked questioning.

"So who is it?"

"Frank Neumann."

The face of the other lad lit up. "Frank? That's great. Then we are in the same group. But I thought you were new?"

"Yes, no. Not actually. I interrupted my lessons and want to continue where I stopped."

"I see. And what's wrong with Frank?"

"I had him before."

The other lad came closer. "I'm Ben. Benedikt actually."

"Nick. Nicholas actually." Both grinned.

Ben motioned with his head to one of the class rooms. "Want to come with me? The lesson has just began. You are late."

"I know. Overslept." He grinned again.

Few moments later they entered the high room and Nicholas smelled again the familiar scent of colours, of solvent and floor-wax. About fifteen people were gathered in the room in a circle. They held their sketch books on their knees or on supports and drew in silence a still-life of a plate full of fruit, arranged on a little table.

Frank walked between the students with his arms held behind his back, watching them and now and then giving them advice. He looked up as the door opened and recognized Nicholas. On his face appeared a broad grin.

Ben went straight to him and whispered, "That's Nick. He said he was in your group before."

Frank grinned condescendingly. "That's true. Welcome back, Nick."

Nicholas gazed into his pale eyes but said nothing.

"Where are your working utensils? Forgotten them?"

"No. I only wanted to see who's my teacher." His voice was icy.

"Big surprise, isn't it?" Frank's gaze fell upon Nicholas' taped right hand.

"But what's happened to your hand?"

"Little accident, but it will be ok in few days."

Ben didn't know what was going on, but he could feel the tension between the two men. Confused, his look scurried back and forth.

"When does the lesson begins tomorrow?"

"I'll give you a plan, wait a minute."

Frank went to his desk in the corner, pulled out some sheets and handed them to Nicholas. "So with your hand you won't be able to draw but I think you can listen and watch. And don't be late, my friend. See you tomorrow at 9 am."

Nicholas nodded briefly and gave Ben a smile. "See you", he said and left the room.

Outside the building he took a deep breath. All his fears had came true and he clenched his fists in his pockets. But then, so what? He didn't care a fuck about Frank and he wouldn't be able to destroy the fun he certainly would have at the drawing lessons. He thought about Ben and found he liked him. He seemed to be a nice lad.

At the curb he recognized Marcus' black Mercedes, peered into it but he wasn't there. He looked up and down the street but couldn't see him at first, then he saw him coming out of a book shop. He had a heavy parcel under his arm and another one in his hand. He smiled as he saw Nicholas and quickened his pace.

"Now, how was it?" he asked, unlocked the car, got in and opened the door for Nicholas.

"Exciting. Guess who's my teacher?"

Marcus glanced at him. "Frank?"

"Right."

"Shit."

Nicholas waved it off. "Doesn't matter." He climbed into the car and closed the door.

"You saw him?"

"Yes. That damn grin again."

"I guess there was a time when you loved that grin." Marcus said.

"Did I? Well, perhaps you're right."

Marcus stowed the parcels away on the backseat. "What does he look like actually?"

"Not half as good as you."

"Wow," Marcus rolled his eyes. "What a compliment! Now I can see him clearly!" He laughed but waited for an answer.

"Very blond. Very blue eyes. Very thin lips."

"So? That's the absolute opposite to me. And yet you fancied him?"

"Are you fixed on a certain type?"

Marcus thought briefly. "No. Probably not. But I melt whenever I see blue eyes!" He bent over, "especially when I see YOUR eyes."

His kiss was lingering. As he broke the kiss, Nicholas said, "There was also a very likeable lad named Ben."

"So?" Marcus frowned. "Also very blond and very blue eyed?"

"No. Come Marcus. Don't pull my leg. Tell me instead what's in the parcels you bought."

"Books." Marcus turned the key and drove away.

"Ah, books! I never have guessed. Which books?"

"It's such a long time ago since I was in a book shop, darling. I bought everything I liked."

Nicholas sighed. "It's great to have so much money to buy everything you like," he muttered.

Marcus gave him a quick glance.

"I went to see your parents," he said then.

"You were - where?" Nicholas exclaimed.

"Your parents, calm down, honey. I thought I had to talk to your father."

"And was he there?"

"Yes. We had a cup of coffee and a slice of the wonderful cake your mother made."

Nicholas stared at Marcus' calm face. "And then?" he asked impatiently.

"Nothing. He told me it's abnormal to fuck with a man."

"Ha!" Nicholas almost yelled. "He said that? Those were his words?"

"Exactly."

"Great." Nicholas ran his fingers through his hair. "So you saw where I used to live. And probably didn't like it."

Again Marcus took Nicholas' hand into his own, and pressed his lips on it. "It's ok, honey. I think I understand you better now."

Nicholas nodded slightly. "And mother? What did she have to say?"

"She seemed to enjoy my visit, I think." Then he looked seriously. "You'll have to sort it out with your father some day. Otherwise it will be a constant pain."

"Yes," Nicholas said and sighed. "Some day."

Nicholas put down the heavy parcel on the sideboard in the hall, took off his jacket and hung it in the wardrobe. From the living room he heard voices and entered it curiously. He found Sebastian sitting on the couch in a tight embrace with Kay and both seemed to be enjoying themselves.

He cleared his throat. Both heads swung around. "Hey sweetie, how's it going?" Kay exclaimed.

"What are you doing here?"

"Sorry we used the keys, but we have to talk to both of you." Sebastian said and straightened his pullover. He looked at Marcus as he entered the room. "Sorry Marcus. You don't mind our being here?"

"It's ok. So, what's up?" he looked at the empty wine glasses standing at the table. "I see you've helped yourself already. But I need a drink too." He turned to Nicholas. "What's about you?"

Nicholas nodded.

"Beer?"

"Yes, please."

Marcus disappeared into the kitchen.

"How's your hand?" Sebastian asked.

"Better, thank you." He sank into an armchair. "I've just come from the Academy."

"Academy?" Kay asked.

"Academy of Arts. I registered there to continue my studies."

"But why on earth do you want to go back to school again? I was happy enough to leave it behind!" Kay said.

"But I enjoy it. It's important to learn more."

Sebastian was amused by the talk of the two lads until Marcus appeared with two bottles and and looked for glasses.

"I have no beer glasses!" he said then. "Never noticed it before."

"Because you never drink beer." Sebastian said.

Finally Marcus took some other ones and opened the bottles. Nicholas took them away from him, "Let me. If you pour in like that you'll only have foam in your glass. Do it like this."

Marcus grinned at Sebastian.

"He's already taken over, eh?"

"Apparently!" Marcus burst out in laughter. "Now, tell me, what's so important that you both broke into my house, hm?"

Sebastian took the wine bottle and poured himself and Kay a glass.

"The matter is this: Somebody saw Simon at a club the other day and recognized him from Nicki's photo in the "Moonbreaker"."

"Yes!?" Nicholas and Marcus exclaimed together.

"Yes. We want to look for him tonight. Do you want to join us?"

"Tonight?" Nicholas looked at his lover. "I have to get up early tomorrow."

Marcus blinked. So he was still alive he thought relieved. But he wasn't sure if he wanted to face him again.

"It's up to both you guys", he heard Sebastian's voice. "But we have to go by all means. And there's something more." He paused and looked at Kay.

"Yeah," Kay took a deep breath and looked at Marcus. "You remember of course Simon told you about his brother, but you never actually saw him, right?"

"Right. But what..."

Kay lifted his hand. "Let me speak. I'm his brother. I was always amazed you never recognized the resemblance between me and Simon."

It took a time till the message sank into Marcus' mind. Then he looked at all three men in disbelief and finally his gaze was struck by Kay's brown eyes. He took in the body, the movements, the hair the lips, the smile. Was there any resemblance? Not at first sight. There was a tense silence in the room and all gazes were fixed on Marcus. He grabbed his glass and took a long gulp and wiped his mouth.

"Why didn't you tell me?" he asked quietly.

Kay's eyes searched the ivory carpet for bits of fluff.

"I don't know." He looked up again. "I'm sorry, Marcus. I didn't think it was so important. Here." He pulled out a letter from his pocket and handed it Marcus. "It's the last letter I got from Simon."

Marcus hands trembled a bit as he took the letter and read it.

"Did you go there?"

"Of course. But he wasn't there anymore. And since then I've been searching for him." He looked at Nicholas.

"And then you came with the picture and I thought it was a good idea to display it at the Moonbreaker. I want to apologize for it." His eyes were pleading.

Still Marcus stared at Simon's letter. "He's broke", he whispered. "How long have you had it?" He waved the sheet of paper.

"Since October."

Marcus gave the letter Nicholas to read.

"Come Marcus, say something. I said, I was sorry", Kay's voice was abashed.

"It's OK, Kay. Apology accepted." He tried a weak smile. "Now it's important to find him. Heaven knows where he's living and ..."

What he looks like now, Nicholas finished the sentence for himself. He couldn't believe it. But now there was hope, if somebody has seen him. Suddenly he was eager to go with both men to the club that night.

"Shall we go with them, Marcus?" he asked.

"Shall we?"

"I guess it's better you stayed here if you have to get up early tomorrow, Nicki." Sebastian said. "Perhaps we won't find him and it will all have been in vain. We'll ring you tomorrow, ok?"

Nicholas nodded. All he wanted to do now was to embrace Marcus and to comfort him and he wished the others would go. Sebastian rose and took Kay's hand.

"We'll leave you alone, now." He stepped closer to Marcus and ran his fingers through his hair. "I'm glad you're back, darling." he whispered so that only his friend could hear. "Take care of the boy, will you. Any other incidents so far?"

"Two mysterious calls, said Nicholas."

"Calls? But who could have his name and phone number? That's pretty odd. It must be somebody who knows him well or has engaged a private detective."

Amazed Marcus lifted his head.

"Bye now. Have a nice evening. And an even better night," he winked.

They were barely gone before Nicholas stepped up to Marcus and embraced him. "Do you want to see him again?" he asked.

"I'm not sure."

"Do you still like him?"

Marcus looked into Nicholas face. "Of course I still like him, but not the way you mean. I want to know how he's living now. If I can help. But I don't love him." He stroked Nicholas' hair out of his eyes. "Believe me?"

"Of course. I really hope they will find him."

Marcus gently broke free and began to carry the empty bottles and glasses into the kitchen. "What are we doing now with the rest of the afternoon?" he asked.

"You are not mad with Kay?"

"No. I don't know. I know nothing." He fell into a chair, propped his elbows on the table and buried his face in the palms of his hands. Nicholas sat next to him. "I can't understand it either, Marcus. But as he said, it's not important anymore." He stroked his hands. "Can you find any resemblance to Simon?"

"No. Well, a bit if I think about it. But it would never have crossed my mind..."

"No, never. What do you think, has the disease has already broken out?"

Marcus shrugged his shoulders. "I guess it takes longer. But I can't stand the idea of him living on the streets without money. Simon! Without money! That's an image which is over the top. Nor can I understand why he never came to his brother to ask for help, or to me..."

"Maybe he was too ashamed."

"God! Simon and ashamed!" Marcus laughed bitterly. "That's a strange thought."

"He was completely different to me, yes?"

"Yes. Completely."

Marcus put his hands down on the table and Nicholas grabbed them.

"Do you want to show me your books?" he asked softly.

*

It was half past seven and bright enough to turn off the light. Nicholas had listened to the news on the radio and the weather forecast which had promised rain again and now waited impatiently for Sebastian's call. Maybe he was still busy doing more exciting things with Kay and had simply forgotten.

He sat down again at the table and emptied his mug of coffee but was too excited to eat. He decided he had got up much too early. It had been a fitful night for both of them; Marcus was very confused and Simon's picture on the wall hadn't helped to calm down the situation. Nicholas sensed for the first time that his lover's mind was far away and not with him and there was little he could do against it.

Nicholas sighed and looked for the 10th time in two minutes at his watch. Then he opened the book beside him. It dealt with the Brotherhood of the Pre-Raphaelites to which Edward Burne-Jones had belonged. He looked into the face of a beautiful woman with long red hair and admired the bright colours. To bad, Rossetti wasn't gay, the men he painted then, would had been wonderful.

The telephone rang in the hall. Nicholas jumped up startled and almost knocked over his mug.

"Yes", he said breathlessly.

"Sweetie?" Kay asked.

"Yes, good news?"

"No, I'm sorry. We waited the whole night until the club was closed, but he didn't show up. But there were several boys who knew him, and told us other places. All gay-clubs."

Nicholas nodded disappointed.

"Sweetie? You still there?"

"Yes, sorry. That's a shame." He saw Marcus coming downstairs, dressed only in his faded jeans and with bare feet. He looked questioningly at him, and Nicholas shook his head. Marcus grimaced and disappeared into the kitchen.

"We didn't like the hangout Nicki, it was a grunge-club and I guess a favourite place for dealer. I only hope Simon isn't into it deep, but then, as long as I can remember, Simon was always in deep shit. The time he and Marcus were together was the only time he seemed to be happy." He interrupted himself. "I'm chattering too much. How's Marcus?"

"Not too good. We had a disturbed night."

"I'm sorry about that. Is he mad with me?"

"No, I don't think so. He worries about Simon."

"Can you get him on the phone? Bastian wants to speak with him. Are you going to the Academy now? Good luck."

"Thanks. For everything."

There was a pause on the line until he heard Sebastian's deep, sexy voice. "Nicki? Still there?"

"Yes."

"Marcus up?"

"I'll call him. Bye, Bastian."

"Nicki," Sebastian shouted into the receiver, "Wait. Is everything ok with you two?"

"Why do you ask?"

"You know why I'm asking."

"It's all ok, Sebastian. Really."

He put the receiver down beside the phone and called Marcus who rushed out of the kitchen and picked up the receiver. Nicholas wanted to go but he held him tight around the waist and pulled him to his chest, pressed his lips on Nicholas' and said then "Yeah, Bastian. What's up?"

Nicholas hands roamed over Marcus' naked, silky skin, down to the round globes of his ass and gave it a light pinch. Involuntary Marcus twitched a bit and grinned. Nicholas gave him a quick kiss and went away.

"What did you say?" he asked.

"Hey, otherwise occupied at the moment?" Sebastian teased.

"No, no. Tell me all about it."

"There isn't much to tell. Evil establishment, as Kay would say. But we have some addresses we'll visit in the next days. Perhaps the weekend will be a better time."

"Too bad. Listen, I'm not cross with Kay, tell him that. It hasn't changed anything, if I had know it or not. It's only a bit strange to realize that they both are brothers and I can't quite understand the reason he never told me. I mean I often went to the shop and there have been many possibilities to tell me."

"Yes, I can't understand it either. I guess it was sort of a quirk, so better forget it."

"Is it going to be serious with both of you?"

It was quite on the line for a moment. "Maybe. He's a good boy." Then he snorted. "Jesus, I sound like my own grandfather. He's only three years younger than me!"

Marcus joined in with his laughter. "I'm happy for you. What about Rome? Or do you want to stay here for the summer?"

"Haven't figured it out yet. Kay doesn't want to stop his foolish work because he enjoys it, so ..."

"You have to wait until his holidays? My, if I were you I'd kidnap him and take him away by force!"

"Ha! That's an idea. Must stop now. Call you tomorrow, ok?"

Marcus found Nicholas in the kitchen, still leafing through the book. He embraced him from behind and nibbled at his earlobe. "Like Rossetti?"

"Yes, I wish he'd painted young men though. Have you seen the originals?"

Marcus nodded. "Yes, but they are spread all over, London, Birmingham, Manchester..."

Nicholas leaned his cheek against Marcus'. "I would like to visit your working hall again, meet Johannes."

"Good, I want to go there anyway. Come when you have finished your lesson." He stopped. "Oh, I guess, that not a good idea. Where's your timetable? Of course I'll pick you up."

"But no, you don't have to. I can take care of myself."

"Can you?"

Nicholas knew it was meant seriously. "I'm finished at 2 pm. You can pick me up in front of it, ok?" He grabbed Marcus' hand and whispered, "I wish I didn't have to go right now."

"Me, too, angel. But it's good for you, you know."

Nicholas' sighed. Of course he would enjoy the atmosphere of the Academy again, but now... He thought about Frank and the grin at his face. Certainly now that he had managed to join his working group, he wouldn't want to change and make trouble; he had to face it.

Aloud he said, "If you want to drive me I guess it's better you get dressed or do you want to go half naked?"

Marcus grinned. Nicholas watched him go out and his fingers were itching to grab a pen and capture the figure of his lover on paper.

One hour later Nicholas stepped out of the car and entered the red brick building. He found the high working room easily where most of all students had gathered and were unpacking their utensils.

He gave them a slight smile and his face lit up as he saw Ben entering the room. Ben went instantly to him and smiled. "Hi, Nick. How's your hand?"

"Better every day. Have to go to the doc in two days but I guess it will be ok. It's only sprained."

"You should take better care of your hands if you want to become a great artist, my friend. Frank showed me some of your paintings. There are really good."

Nicholas looked amazed. "Did he indeed? They are still there?"

"Yes. In his flat and look, here!" He pointed at the back wall of the room where several sketches and complete paintings were displayed.

But Nicholas didn't see them because the phrase 'in his flat' still reverberated in his ears. He shot a sharp glance at Ben's innocent face. The thick, black hair was combed from his forehead. A thin, dark ribbon held it at his neck and his black glass framed spectacles suited him very well. He could easily imagine that Frank was after him.

"Are you dreaming?" Ben's voice brought him back to reality.

"Yes, I see, they are still hanging there. I'm only surprised after such a long time." He turned to face Ben. "You were at his flat?"

"But yes. What's wrong with that?"

"Nothing", he said shortly. "Have […] a girlfriend?"

"Huh?" Ben's ears reddened briefly and Nicholas bite his tongue. What a jerk! he thought. Now it must be obvious for Ben that he - Nick - was interested in him. So he tried a harmless smile and added "I mean, if you are interested, I have a friend who has lately broken with her boyfriend, so I thought it could be a good idea to meet after school or at the weekend, what do you think?" Nicholas wondered about himself how easily these lies came to his lips.

"Um, well," Ben struggled for words. Nicholas patted his shoulder.

"Think about it, you don't have to."

Frank entered the room in his usual stark white smock. He looked around, and beckoned Nicholas to him. As all went quiet he said, "I want to introduce a new student. Nicholas has attended this working group already but broke up because of ... family problems some month ago. Now he will be continuing where he stopped. And," he gave Nicholas a very bright smile, "I'm happy about it, kids. If you turn round you can see some of his work on the wall."

All heads turned as if on a secret command and then back to the slightly embarrassed young lad. Frank had put his arm around his shoulder and the touch was burning like fire through his T-Shirt. He croaked a "Hi" to the students and tottered weakly to a free place next to Ben.

"Until now we have learnt to know water colour in its purest form. But today we are going to start with gouache colour, it's a mixture of covering and also white pigments."

Frank's voice scarcely reached Nicholas' ears. He was aware of Ben's closeness and his thoughts raced through his mind. What could it mean, that Ben had obviously visited Frank at home. Was he another 'best student' Frank picked out to show around his paintings? Or was there more behind it?

"Gouache is more thicker than the transparent watercolour and has a high degree of saturation. A big advantage is the possibility to achieving every form of colouring with an addition of white and to paint with gouache like with oil paint; covering other colours which is of course impossible with water colours."

He watched Ben's profile from aside. He had taken off his glasses, twisting the ear pieces between two fingers and seemed all ears. To ask him about a girlfriend was a very weak idea Nicholas thought, and a stupid one, too. He looked at Frank, polite and likeable as ever, standing in front of the students who gave his lectures relaxed and casually and apparently without any effort. Now and again his look met Nicholas and then he could see how a spark twinkled in his eyes.

Nicholas' anger grew. Frank's touch on his shoulder seemed to have burnt into his flesh and he wondered, if anybody else around here was able to look behind Frank's mask. Outwardly he was always the good friendly, comradely teacher, but were was the other being Nicholas had certainly experienced.

He tried to concentrate at Frank words but failed most of the time. All he could do was listen anyway, but as the students opened their colour- and brush boxes he watched Ben intensily at his first attempts to mix two colours together and then three as Frank suggested. Together with Ben he looked at the result and found it good and almost as it was instructed. Ben smiled at him.

"I'll make two of these attempts, one is for you to have a look at home, ok?"

Nicholas smiled back. "Thanks. Would be very useful for me."

He still looked at Ben who had put on his glasses again and met his gaze. "Is there something wrong?" he asked.

"No. It's ... I'm trying to figure out..." He bit his lower lip. "How well do you know Frank?"

"Oh, he gives me private lessons because he thinks I'm good enough to."

Nicholas nodded.

"Problems?" he heard Frank's voice behind his back. Without turning he said a short "no".

"Have you bought everything you need?"

"Not yet."

Nicholas wished he would go away and leave him alone, but he felt the heat his body was radiating behind him. But then Frank bent down to Ben and whispered "I have to speak with you, can you come to the office during the break?" Ben nodded pleased.

It wasn't difficult for Nicholas to find his way again in the large canteen, there had nothing changed and it resembled the one in his shopping centre. The same smells, the same noise. With his plate he searched for a free seat and recognized some of his class and sat with them. Actually he wanted to speak to Ben but he was nowhere to be seen, so he sighing dived into his soup.

"Why did you break up your studies?" Nicholas looked into the face of a sturdy, short lad with curious pale green eyes.

"Family problems. But they are solved now."

Unsatisfied with the answer the young man persisted. "I saw you in the news paper."

Nicholas choked, the soup going the wrong way and suppressed a cough.

"News paper?" he managed to say then.

"Yeah, together with Weidenbruch. The next day the press commented, that there was a fire the following night."

"Yes!" a girl joined in. "You were standing in front of your painting, some yellow-haired lad. Was it burnt?"

"No. It was sold and we had taken it into another hall with the other sold ones."

Nicholas felt slightly uncomfortably.

"Everybody knows that Weidenbruch is a fairy." The pale green eyes were staring at him.

"Oh yes." said Nicholas.

"By the way, my name is Karl-Heinz but everybody calls me Kalle."

Suddenly he smiled and stretched out his stout hand across the table. Nicholas grabbed and squeezed it.

"Welcome to the club."

"Which club?" another voice piped up, "the fairy-club?"

Kalle shot a sinister look to the end of the table where a large, thin young man with very thin brown hair was sitting.

"Shut up, stupid. Everybody knows that you are only here because your old man is supporting the Academy." He turned again to Nicholas. "His uncle works in the ministry for culture." Kalle winked at Nicholas. "His name is Walter-Udo," he whispered "but he prefers us to call him 'Walt' because he's mad about Walt Disney films."

Nicholas grinned. In the doorway he saw Ben entering the canteen and he tried to attract his attention. Ben saw him and came over to the table.

"Another one of the fairies", Nicholas heard 'Walt' muttering under his breath but decided to ignore it. But his heartbeat quickened. So his intuition had been right and he sighed inwardly.

"Hey, Benny, got some more of those private lessons from Frank?" Walt shouted.

"I told you already to shut up you homophobic asshole" Kalle shouted back. But Ben smiled. "It's ok, Kalle. I can stand up for myself. Just ignore it."

He gave a glance at Nicholas and said in a low voice "I saw you with Marcus Weidenbruch. You're on our side?"

Nicholas nodded and Ben's face lit up. "Great. Now I'm not alone any more." With his head he gestured at Walt sitting there and seeming to rule the whole table. "He's like a sponger, a drone, only because his uncle provides his place although he can paint like a mole."

"And Frank? How he can tolerate this?"

Ben shrugged his shoulders. "The Academy gets extra money from the Ministry of Culture because his uncle is rather a big shot there."

"Yeah, Kalle told me that. But does it make sense?"

"Not at all. Have seen his paintings? Terrible!"

Ben was slurping his soup.

"Sorry about the girlfriend this morning," Nicholas said after a while.

Ben smiled a very heart-warming smile. "It's ok. But tell me, what's this Marcus Weidenbruch like in private? Um, I'm just curious, you don't have to tell me."

"All right, Ben. What do you want to hear?"

Ben grinned. "Anything you want to give away."

Nicholas looked around and whispered, "'I'm his newest conquest' to quote the yellow press."

Ben laughed and spilled some soup onto the table. "Congratulations! He's a very handsome man."

"He is, indeed." Nicholas eyes sparkled. "May I also ask you a question?"

"Please, do."

"Are you Frank's newest conquest?"

Ben gave him an amazed look. "How do you know?"

"I have eyes to see."

"Ah, well, I don't know."

"But you know that Frank is gay."

"Yes. It's well-known."

Nicholas was relieved to a certain extend. It meant that nothing had happened between them. For now. But then, maybe the incident with Nick could have been a slip in Frank's behaviour because he was very keen on himself - Nick - and it didn't have to happen twice. Nicholas shook his head. Rubbish. Look into Frank's eyes and see his nasty grin there you have the answer. It was not a slip. But how could he prevent Ben having the same experience?

Shortly before 2 pm he and his colleagues left the Academy and Nicholas looked forward to the following day. He certainly liked Ben and Kalle and hoped he could make some new friends. Then he saw the familiar sight of Marcus' Mercedes waiting at the curb, went straight to it and slipped inside. Marcus had dropped off to sleep and for a brief moment Nick marvelled at his relaxed face. Then he gave him a light kiss at his cheek and Marcus opened his eyes.

"Hi lover. So the night was that bad?"

Marcus smiled. "Seemed so. But nothing to do with you." He pulled him closer and kissed his lips. "How was your day?"

"Good. I told you I met a guy named Ben."

"Yes?"

Marcus started the motor.

"He's gay too."

"Ah! The guy with the not very blue eyes, you told me about. And? Have you fallen in love with him right from the start?"

Nicholas poked him into his rips. "Monster. I rather fear that he has fallen in love with Frank."

Marcus raised his eyebrows. "That's a problem indeed. And what are you going to do? Tell him what a shithead Frank is?"

"I have no clue what to do."

"It's not your problem, honey. He must figure it out for himself. All advise from you would be useless and unwelcome, believe me."

"But I can't just stand aside and watch him running into his own mishap."

Marcus sighed. "Oh, man. You aren't Mother Theresa. Watch him and if it gets too intense you can take steps. Ok?"

"He has already been at his flat."

"Has he? One more reason to watch out."

They arrived at the work shop and a few minutes later, Nicholas was greeting Johannes again. He seemed to be genuinely pleased to see him.

"Look what we have done, Nick." He pointed to the marble bust of Trajan. "I gathered together every little splinter from the ground I could find. Some pieces are missing, but I can repair it with gypsum."

Nicholas was amazed. The bust looked like a new one. "Now he's repaired twice, I only can hope this time it was the last." His eyes were laughing behind the round glasses he had shoved to the tip of his nose.

"You are a magician, Johannes! But the bronze sculptures are lost, aren't they?"

"Yes. Unfortunately. But there are still the moulds and can be found again."

Nicholas nodded. "And what's this?"

"This", Marcus said mysteriously, "is the most precious thing we have ever had here. It came this morning from Venice. Sort of a late Christmas present from Sebastian. He finally managed to get it."

Nicholas looked at another marble bust which showed the face of a young man. An almost perfect, young face with a long, straight nose and vulnerable, somewhat empty facial expression. And with a pair of lips, Nicholas would gladly kiss. Very cautiously he stretched out a finger and touched gently the cool surface of cheeks, lips and nose, along the small chin and back.

"It's a young Augustus."

"THE Augustus?"

Marcus nodded. "It was thought for a long, long time as antique, but then it was identified as a work from Antonio Canova's workshop. The Correr Museum in Venice wanted to sell it by auction and Sebastian got it. At the highest price. He didn't tell me and I was very happy about the surprise." His eyes sparkled and infected Nicholas' as well as Johannes'.

"But why is it here? It's perfect and doesn't need any repairs surely?"

"No, it's perfect. We'll take it home with us."

Nicholas marvelled again at the fine and delicate feature of the bust.

"Do you think this is really Augustus?"

"It could be easily," Johannes said. "All sculptures of the emperor have a strong similarity to this bust. All with the same vulnerability expression on a small face. And that this isn't an original doesn't lessen it's beauty. After all it could be an original by Canova."

"In the 18th century a forger made a marble head of Julius Caesar," Marcus said, "who was bought by the British Museum in London in 1818. They believed it was genuine."

"Indeed?" Nicholas remembered the spider brooch of Marie-Antoinette.

"Oh, before I forget it," Johannes said, "Sebastian called and asked me to tell you that he's out again tonight. He said you'd know what he meant."

Marcus nodded. "Thanks. Now, honey. Get us out of here. I'm hungry."

But Nicholas was standing absorbed in front of Michelangelo's drawing of the young men or young women. Who knew exactly? The only thing he would ever know was that this face was the most wonderful he would ever see. Marcus stepped to him and clasped his hand. "You love it, don't you?"

Nicholas nodded.

"Want to take it home?"

"No, no. Others want to have a look at it too, I guess." He smiled at Johannes and he winked.

"Now, let's see what good old Anna has cooked for us." Marcus opened the fridge and pulled out a casserole and a pot. As he opened it Nicholas turned up his nose. "Cabbage-rolls! I hate them and she knows it."

Marcus lifted the sheet laying on the table and read

"Mr. Sebastian called. The potatoes are already peeled and need to be cooked. Twenty minutes on a low flame. Then pour out the water and set the pot again on the gas to get rid of the water. Love, Anna."

Marcus moaned. "How many times has she told me this!" He looked at Nicholas. "How old I am actually? Ten?"

He screwed up the sheet and threw it into the trash bin. Nicholas laughed. "Do you really want to eat that? I have a better idea. We'll make fried potatoes and some Prague sausages."

"Prague sausages? What's that?"

Nicholas pulled out Frankfurter's, parted them and cut them with a knife crosswise at the ends. Then he put them into a hot pan. "You'll see soon. In the meantime you can cut the potatoes in slices."

"Aye, chef." Marcus was amused how Nicholas had changed since their first meeting. It was only a short time when he thought about it, but it was amazing. Instead of cutting the potatoes he embraced Nicholas tightly from behind. "You really are a darling", he whispered.

"Can you say that again?" Nicholas struggled free and turned.

Marcus grinned. "Watch out for the sausages."

"I would rather watch a different sausage."

Marcus burst out in laughter. "Later, honey. Otherwise I'll collapse off the stool with hunger. Hey, look."

The sausages had opened like a rose at the carved ends.

"Looks good."

"True. Now get your hands busy if you want to have some fried potatoes."

* * *

"If we want to go to the club we'll have to hurry, baby." Kay panted between little yelps.

He stood in front of Sebastian who was sitting in a chair and licked the last remains of white cum from his lips.

"That late already?" He tenderly kneaded Kay's ass cheeks.

"Again such a attack while I'm dressing and I'm worn out."

"Worn out?" Sebastian ask smiling. "Which of us is the younger boy, eh?"

"But I never had so much sex as with you." Kay pulled his pants up and kissed Sebastian's lips. "You are insatiable, my dear."

"You must be the reason sweetie."

"Ah, big compliment! Now come on. Let us go."

This night they had chosen the Nightfactory, a club which opened at 11 pm and didn't close until dawn. Sebastian couldn't exactly say that he liked to be with all these young things dancing around in mindless ecstasy, but at least it was a gay club and he could let wander his eyes as he always did, no matter who was his company.

Soon he noticed some nice looking guys who already pulled off their sweaty shirts.

"Hey," Kay shouted, "you see them?" He pointed at the same young men, Sebastian had already stared at.

After a while one of them came to the bar and ordered a beer. Sebastian could feel and smell the sweating body near to him. But Kay was faster. He pulled out the copy of Simon's picture and held it under the young lad's nose.

"Seen that boy?"

"Huh?" The sweating guy looked at the picture. "Yes. Simon. Often here." He turned to look at the dance floor. "But hasn't show up yet. It's too early for him." He had a pleasant voice and his eyes sparkled with joy.

"Looking for some stuff?" he asked then.

"What stuff?" Sebastian asked.

The young man wiped a damp curl from his forehead.

"Cocaine, ecstasy, anything you want." He looked Sebastian up and down and smiled at him. "Wanna dance?"

"Why not?"

And soon they disappeared onto the overcrowded dance floor. Kay sighed and turned to the barman. The music was more likeable as at the 'Moonbreaker' he found. They were playing some German hits from the eighties and the whole crowd sang along with them.

Kay grinned at the barman. He was a tall black guy with short, tiny curls and long, almond eyes.

"Want a drink?"

"Sure."

"Something special?" He spoke perfect German and Kay knew he must have been born here. He nodded his head.

"Anything you want."

The black guy mixed him a Cuba Libre and put it in front of him. The ice cubes clinked pleasingly in the tall glass as Kay lifted it.

"This club is going well?" he asked then. "I work occasionally at the Moonbreaker."

The guy frowned. "Moonbreaker? Isn't a gay club."

"Yeah. And not as half as nice as here, I'm afraid."

"My name is Alfred." said the keeper.

"Alfred?" Kay had to laugh. "How do you get a name like that?"

"My parents are from Namibia and they still speak German."

Kay's face was a question mark but vaguely he could remember that Namibia used to be a German colony before the war.

"Nice name, Alfred. I'm Kay." Again he pulled out Simon's picture and showed it to Alfred.

"Simon. One of his favourite hang-outs."

"When was the last time he was here?"

Alfred thought a moment. "I guess Sunday. He sells stuff furtively. Everybody know it."

"Stuff. Great. And he looks the same?"

"Yes. A bit more skinny I'd say, but still good. Why do you ask?"

Kay shrugged his shoulder. "I'm looking for him."

"With that hot man you came in with?"

"Yes. With that hot man who's disappeared somewhere on the dance floor." ... and probably fucking around in the toilet, he finished the sentence in his mind.

The fast beat of the music changed abruptly into a soft one and Kay felt himself grabbed from behind and dragged onto the floor.

"Hey sweetie," Sebastian said, "stop flirting with that beautiful black guy. I'm still here." He pulled him into a tight embrace and ground his lower body into Kay's abdomen and groin. Kay could feel his hard erection through the fabric of his trousers and he began to giggle. "Must have been an exciting guy you danced with."

"Sure he was. Like you."

The light was dim enough for Kay to let his hand slip between their bodies and to jerk off Sebastian slowly. The moans would be swallowed by the music and Kay was sure that other pairs were doing the same. With a loud gasp Sebastian froze and came into his pants, spraying his semen all over Kay's hand. He wiped it on Sebastian's pants and licked off the remainder.

"Simon deals with drugs, Bastian. Have you heard it?"

"Yeah, I've heard it." His breath was still a bit irregular. "He had no money, perhaps that was the only thing he could do."

"But that's shit!"

"Ah, joined a moral crusade all of a sudden? More important is to find him, baby." He ran his fingers through Kay's hair.

"Your hair is getting slowly back to its origin colour, have you noticed?"

"I've noticed. Do you like it?"

"Of course."

Time was trickling away but by the time the club closed Simon still hadn't show up. Sebastian was more than tired as they reeled out of darkness of the club's into the morning light. Fog had spread all over the city and it was cold and damp. Sebastian shivered, not just from the coolness but rather for the lack of sleep. He yawned as they slipped into his car and drove home. Kay had fallen asleep on his shoulder as they arrived at his flat and he shook him gently. "You're lucky you have to go late to work this week," he said, as he unlocked the door to his flat.

Without any words they undressed, slipped together under the covers and fell asleep, until Kay awoke hours later with a jolt and looked at the watch. He noticed he still had some more time before he had to go to work he fell back into the pillows. With open eyes he lay there, heard Sebastian's steady breath and felt sheltered.

His eyes wandered around in the large room with the spacious bed and most erotic pictures at the grey-lilac wallpaper. The floor was covered with a scarlet coloured carpet. It had a gloomy effect at the first sight, but Kay found, it was exactly the colours within which Sebastian's mysterious passion lived. It was like a dark grotto in which they could make love for hours between the blue silky pillows.

He turned on his side and looked at his new-found lover. Slowly he began an examination of his body with his fingertips, outlining the heaving chest, along his stomach, belly and into the curly hairs of his pubic area. Cautiously he played with the flaccid cock and felt Sebastian stirring a bit. A fleeting smile appeared on Kay's face. He wasn't sure if Sebastian intended to stay with him or if he was just a short intermezzo in a life which was apparently full of passing sex encounters without any depth. Like his own he realized. But he felt this could be more than an encounter and he wished desperately Sebastian would feel the same about him.

Nicholas' [small], open face appeared before his inner eye. There was certainly something going on between the young man and Sebastian he couldn't fathom. It was a tension he felt whenever he saw both together. He remembered briefly the night he had followed Sebastian and Nick to Marcus' house. The night of the car accident when Sebastian had opened the door naked under the robe and he couldn't get rid of the feeling that something had happened more than Sebastian would admit.

Still he played with the soft cock, traced his forefinger along it and felt a little jerk in it. Kay wasn't ready to give up his lover easily. He would fight for him, and he was all but convinced, that he could hold Sebastian.

He bent over the sleeping face and lightly kissed one of his closed eyes. Then he slipped silently out of the warm bed and went into the bathroom.

After a long, hot shower he went to the kitchen to have a cup of coffee. Then he took the telephone and dialled Marcus' number, but nobody answered the phone. Slowly he went with his mug into the living room and sat in one of the old-fashioned, heavy armchairs. His eyes looked around and for the first time he had a closer look at the furniture and all the precious things gathered here.

There was a little metal tree from whose branches hung fifteen different coloured gems. It looked beautiful but Kay hadn't any clue what it was used for. On a sideboard was gathered a collection of soup bowls, some were made from silver with relief depictions and beside them were arranged some snuff boxes - little oval enamelled things decorated with coloured stones, painted with landscapes or portraits.

Just as Kay decided it was time to go he heard Sebastian coming from the bedroom and called his name.

"Here, lover. Living room," Kay shouted.

Sebastian appeared fully dressed, shaved, combed and with a relieved grin on his face. "I thought you'd gone already."

He stepped closer to him. "The next time you want to get up, wake me before. I'd like to have a little farewell present from you." He bent over Kay and gave him a resounding kiss on the lips. "If you would stop going to that boring shop you could stay with me, sweetie", he said in a low voice.

"But I like to work, Bastian. I can't sit here and count the flies on the wall."

"Who says you should count the flies? You could do more exciting things with me ... for instance."

Kay frowned a bit. "You have no other exciting things in your mind?"

"What do you mean?"

"You could tell me for instance about all the funny things you have collected in this room. I like to listen to long stories."

Sebastian gave him a surprised look. "Do you?" He knelt down beside the armchair Kay was sitting in. "So where shall I start?"

"I haven't any time to listen, lover. I must go now." He stood up. "Want to pick me up at 7:30 pm?"

"Of course. Have you something in mind afterwards?"

Kay shook his head. "I've have enough for now. Can we go into the next club at the weekend? I guess I need a little rest."

Sebastian nodded. "As you like, Kay. Now, go. I'll count the hours until..." He grinned at him.

After Kay had gone to work he made himself a cup of coffee and sat down at the kitchen table. What had happened with the young man all of a sudden? Since when did he want to talk instead of have sex? Sebastian narrowed his eyes and listened to his inward voice. Probably he was now too old to keep hopping from one bed to another and it was time to settle down. Almost thirty years of different love-affairs had made him somewhat tired. Tired of the shallowness... Superficiality was the only thing he ever got from other men, except from Marcus of course. It seemed him that his oldest friend was his oldest love too and sometimes he yearned for his arms, for his warmth, for his understanding. Could Kay ever be the same for him? Or Nicholas? Were they too young to give him what he needed? But what exactly was it that he needed? Sebastian wiped his face. Somehow everything was useless. He led a useless life between a big amount of 'precious things' as Kay once had described them but then? Kay at least enjoyed his work as sales clerk, meeting different people, being there for them.

Sebastian shrugged his shoulders. He wasn't exactly sitting on his arse and letting the sun roast his belly. He too had a job, but the people he was with were mostly decadent, snobbish and as useless as himself. Was this the reason he was so fond of Nick who seemed to come from a complete different world?

He rose and rinsed his mug. He decided to clear his mind, do some grocery shopping and to prepare something wonderful to eat when Kay came back from work. But first he had to call Marcus of course.

In the meantime Nicholas sat with Ben in a little cafe across the street from the Academy. They had finished their lessons for today and were enjoying the warmth of the afternoon. The fog had vanished and the sun enveloped the city with a soft spring glow. They sat by the big street windows, watching the people going by and slurping their tea.

"Did you make a lot of money with your paintings at the last exhibition?" Ben asked.

"Well, yes. For me it was a lot of money. For Marcus only peanuts I guess. You know, there were some strange people. Very funny. But from them I got the money."

"What strange people?" Ben asked.

"Well, strange ... I can't describe it clearly. You must have seen them. Complete different from us." He looked at Ben's hazel eyes. "Do you have brothers or sisters?" he asked.

"Yes, one of each."

"And your parents?"

"I live with my mother. They are divorced."

"Oh, I'm sorry about this. How long ago?"

"Nine years now."

Nicholas raised his eyebrows. "Then your mother had a hard job, right?"

"Yes." Ben sighed.

"And she knows that you love men?"

Ben nodded. "She can accept it."

"Good for you."

Ben peered into Nicholas' face. "And yours?"

"Well, mother yes, but my father is rather... can't accept."

"I see. Have you broken with him?"

"I don't know. Not really. I have to talk to him."

"Yes. You must. Does he know Marcus Weidenbruch?"

"He called on him lately. But it was an unhappy encounter."

Ben looked down at his tea cup. "How did you two meet actually?" Ben asked then. "I mean, Marcus is a man who is somewhat out of reach for someone like us." He looked up again. "Do you understand what I mean?"

"But yes." Nicholas grinned. "He picked me up from the street."

"Did he indeed?" Ben was surprised.

"Not what you think. I was a pavement artist some month ago. I left the Academy and worked as a sales clerk at a shopping centre but in my spare time I painted in the streets."

"But that's wasted talent, Nick!"

Nicholas snorted, "That's what he said too! And it was raining and he took me to the nearest cafe. So it started."

"Lucky man." Ben sounded suddenly depressed and Nicholas put his hand above Ben's.

"Sad? You haven't found anybody yet?"

"No."

"But you ... you made it, yes?"

"Yes. But nothing serious. I wished I could get to know somebody like Marcus. Someone who'll take care of me." Ben took off his glasses and put them down on the table. Now his face looked very vulnerable and Nicholas felt sad for him. And now he's falling in love with that shit Frank, he thought. But could he tell him this?

But Ben looked into his face again and all sadness seemed to vanish. "You must be thinking I'm a total wimp, don't you?" He smiled. "I've met some great guys but couldn't held on. Perhaps I'm looking for something different. A strong man who can take control over me."

"Control over you. I see." Maybe then Frank was exactly what Ben needed he thought, and all worries were in vain. He remembered Marcus' words, that all advise would be unnecessary and unwelcome and decided he was right. He looked at his watch and peered out of the window to the other side of the street. He saw Marcus' car pulling up.

"Marcus is here to pick me up. Want to come and meet him?"

"Gladly."

They paid and left the little cafe.

Marcus had just got out of the car as both men arrived. He smiled at them.

"This is Ben," Nicholas introduced him and Marcus stretched out his hand.

"Hi, Ben. I've heard a lot about you."

Ben's ears began to glow. "Indeed? What terrible things he has told you about me?" he grinned.

"All good, Ben. Can we give you a lift somewhere?"

Ben shook his head. "No, no, it's not necessary. It's been a pleasure for me, Mr. Weidenbruch." And to Nicholas, "See you tomorrow, Nick. Have fun. Bye."

He waved briefly and walked slowly away.

Marcus watched him go. "He's a nice lad, honey, you are right." He turned to Nicholas. "Try not to fall in love with him, promised?"

Nicholas laughed. "I promise."

* * *

"Sebastian called", Marcus said, "Simon didn't turn up yesterday, but he seemed to be well-known in the club." He took Nicholas' bundle and put it into the car. "But there's something else. He deals with drugs."

"Drugs? Shit. Which drugs?"

"Ecstasy and cocaine. Perhaps harder drugs, too."

Marcus looked a little depressed, and Nicholas briefly touched his hair. "We'll find him some day. Don't you think so?" he said. "But then what do we do? Take him home with us? Perhaps he's addicted too."

"Don't know right now. Let's think about it when we've found him, ok?" Marcus smiled at Nick. "Now, what exciting things have you learned today?"

"Oh, we went on a trip to the Schinkel museum along with the architecture students to have a look at his sculptures."

"Indeed? It's like a school-outing, isn't it? And Frank?"

"I tried to find out something, but it seems as if nothing happened up till now between them. Then Ben told me something strange about how he's looking for a strong man to take control of him. What could he mean?"

Marcus didn't answer.

"Do you think he meant it sexually? Rough sex?" Nicholas waited for an answer.

Marcus shrugged his shoulders. "Could be." He grabbed Nicholas' hand. "What would you like to do now?"

"You don't have to work?"

"It's all done. I have to prepare the next exhibition, but it's a bit difficult for me because of the recent fire, you know."

He began to walk with Nicholas along the street stopping several times in front of shop windows.

"Do you mean all the guys won't display their paintings with you because of the fire? But I think, the attacks concerns me rather than you!"

Marcus smiled at Nicholas' face in the shop window. "But I have some paintings from several young guys in my workshop. Do you want to have a look at them? Or choose the best for me?"

Nicholas' face lit up. "Of course. I'd like that."

Marcus squeezed his hand. "And I'm sure between my bookshelves we can find some books about Schinkel. I love him, too."

He pointed at the glassware on show. "What do you think about the beer glasses? If you're going to share my house in future we'll need some glasses for you." Marcus winked. "Come."

Ten minutes later both came out loaded with parcels and walked back towards the car.

"Did I ever tell you that I attended the same school?" Marcus asked.

"No, you didn't!" Nicholas suddenly stopped and stared at the imposing portal of the Academy. "Look, there's Frank," he said in a low voice. Marcus spun around.

"Where?" He looked across to where a medium-sized, slender, good looking man with straight and very fair hair was coming down the steps.

Marcus narrowed his eyes to small slits.

"And there is Ben."

Frank. So this was the man who had caused Nicholas so much hurt and pain. Hate boiled up in Marcus' guts and he quickened his steps. He felt the urge to confront the man face to face.

"Marcus, stop it." Somehow Nicholas voice reached his ears from the distance. He appeared at his side and firmly grasped his upper arm. "What are you going to do?

"I want to say a few words to that asshole."

Ben had noticed that Marcus was coming up to them and stopped. Frank's and Marcus' eyes met and their looks were icy like crossing blades. Frank sized Marcus up speculatively and decided to come closer. He put one arm around Ben's shoulder and dragged him along with him. Nick saw that Ben would have liked to vanish into thin air and he felt the same but it was too late to flee.

"Hi, Ben," Marcus said quietly, "now I see why you preferred to stay here." His eyes wandered to Frank's grinning face. "I'd be a bit more careful, if I were you in your choice of friends", he said slowly. "I guess the public prosecutor would like to know what you are doing with dependants."

"What do you mean? I am of age." Ben said.

"This may be, Ben, but it doesn't alter the fact that you and this man are pupil and teacher."

Ben's face all of a sudden looked full of hatred at Marcus and Frank let out a husky laugh.

"Thanks for the advice. I know what I'm doing. Nevertheless thanks for the tip."

His grin was relaxed and Marcus wondered briefly if Frank was either very stupid or had some influential backing from someone.

"You are welcome with the tip," he said his gaze never leaving Frank's light blue eyes. "Still keen on hard core sex?"

Nicholas almost squashed Marcus' hand.

"I only hope you know what you're doing, Ben. But, after all as you say, you are of age."

Marcus left both men alone and, still holding Nicholas' hand, dragged him to his car and got in. Without a word they drove away.

But Ben stood petrified and watched the black car disappear.

"I didn't realized that it could be dangerous to be with you," he croaked. His mouth felt dry.

"I don't know what you mean." Frank's voice was as calm as ever. "It isn't forbidden to visit your teacher's home."

"But to have sex with him, right?" Ben's eyes sparkled with anger behind his thin glasses. "Do you know Marcus Weidenbruch?" he continued, "And what did he mean about "hard core sex"?"

Frank shrugged and began to walk over to his car. "I have no clue why Nick told him. Listen, Ben. This Nick once was very much in love with me and tried to get into a love affair with me. But as Weidenbruch said rightly - I could lose my job having sex with a pupil - no matter if female or male - so he tried to blackmail me, saying I had seduced him if I wouldn't be willing to fuck him. But I have some family connections with the ministry which would protect me from any false accusation, so eventually Nick gave up and left the Academy."

He smiled at Ben. "So do you want to come with me?"

Ben was more than confused. He tried to think clearly, remembering the day he had met Nick in the hall, heard Nick saying he had had Frank as his teacher before, and the way he said this: stern, with disdain in his voice. Now, which was true and which wrong? Nick in love with Frank? Hard to believe. And more the mention of hard core sex struck him.

Quickly he said, "Sorry Frank. I forgot, I have to deal with something. See you tomorrow." He turned to go.

"Hey," Frank called after him. "Don't let them make you feel unsure of yourself, do you hear me?"

Ben smiled weakly and went away.

Marcus calmed down slowly. "I don't think that was a good idea", he said. He looked quickly at Nicholas' reserved face. "I know I told you not to interfere, but I had to go to him. I would have choked otherwise."

"It's OK."

"Now it's obvious Ben is interested in Frank and it seems vice versa."

"Hmm. Did you mean that seriously? You'd bring a charge against Frank?"

"Not normally. Of course not. Only if he did nasty things to Ben, like with you." He sighed. "It was stupid. I only want to give him a fright, but I guess I failed completely."

Nicholas said nothing and Marcus was alarmed.

"I'm sorry, baby. I guess you'll have a row with Ben tomorrow."

"It's OK." Nicholas said once more.

"That guy is as slippery as an eel," Marcus said then.

"You mean you don't understand how I could fall in love with him, right? Well, I guess Ben at the moment can see the side of Frank I saw back then, the friendly, endearing side. But I can't stop him from making his own mistakes."

"True. Oh shit!" Marcus slammed the brakes. He had almost driven through a red traffic light. Nicholas touched the silver coin around his neck.

"Do you think it works?"

"What?"

"That." Marcus looked at the ribbon and the shining medal.

"Perhaps. You mean because we haven't had any more mysterious calls or other accidents happened?

Nicholas nodded.

"Knock on wood!" Marcus tapped his head and Nicholas grinned. He leaned over and whispered "Forget about that shit Frank. It's over. I like Ben, but..."

"But?"

"I don't want to think about it any more today. You said I could choose the paintings for your next exhibition?"

Marcus nodded.

"Then let's go to the workshop."

* * *

Kay pushed away his empty plate and patted his full belly.

"You should cook more often," he said then and emptied his glass of wine.

"If I did you'd become fat as a doughnut and me too. Come eat some more of the pineapples." Sebastian hold out the filled spoon. Kay opened his mouth, took it and chewed.

"I think I'm going to burst!"

Sebastian leaned back in his chair. "So you wanted to talk with me before you went to work. What was it about? I remember vaguely that you reproached me for only having sex on my mind, wasn't it?" His green eyes pierced Kay's brown ones.

"Yes. Something like that."

"Well, I thought you liked it."

"Who doesn't?"

"Wrong answer, sweetie." Sebastian still gazed into Kay's eyes. "I wanted to know if you like sex with me."

Kay began to grin and lightly pinched the bridge of his nose.

"Do you want me to show you how much I like it?" He leaned over the table and dipped a finger into the pot of cream. He held it under Sebastian's nose "Can you think of any use for this?"

Sebastian's eyes began to glisten.

"Sure." He licked the finger clean and rose from the table.

"Show me, baby. And don't forget the cream!"

"What about a holiday?"

"Holiday?" Kay still panted and wrapped his legs around Sebastian's waist. He didn't want to lose his cock so soon. He noticed a little trace of white cream in his sandy hair and wiped it away.

"Yes, holiday," Sebastian repeated. "Or do you think I can stay here forever? My home is in Rome."

"Oh." Kay seemed to be disappointed. "Does this mean you are inviting me on a trip to Rome?"

"Yes."

"Great! Of course I can have holidays. But not right now, you understand, they must find a replacement."

He wriggled under Sebastian's heavy body. "But what's about Simon? Do you want to give up the search?"

Sebastian frowned. For a moment he had completely forgotten Simon.

"OK, give it a try this weekend. But I cannot play Miss Marple for ever. Sure I want to help Marcus but ... I have to care for my job. I have some projects going on there."

Sebastian shifted a bit and his cock slipped out and Kay felt emptiness. Of course he wanted to spend his time with his lover and to do it in Rome would be most exciting, but he too had a job to do and he would be disappointed to give up the search for his brother. He couldn't. Not now.

He felt Sebastian's hot breath at his ear and realized he had said something but hadn't heard. Quickly he asked "You wanted to tell me something about the funny things standing downstairs. What's that strange little tree with the gems hanging from the branches?"

Sebastian looked for a moment confused. "Oh, you mean the poison-tree. They were used in the middle ages. The stones had the task to track down the poison what was probably mixed in the dishes or to neutralise them. The gems would be taken one after another from the tree and plunged into the dishes or wine of kings and noble men. They believed the stones would began to sweat or to change their colour as soon they came in touch with poison."

"Indeed? Now, that's most odd. Hadn't they something like a food taster?"

Sebastian nodded. "That in addition." He grinned. "Any more questions?"

"Yes. Can I stay here?"

"Of course. As long as you want to. Tell you what. Tomorrow I'll buy myself some leather gear to keep me warm on your motorcycle. I'll freeze my ass off if I ride with you another time."

"Old man."

* * *

The next morning Marcus shuffled into the kitchen to clean the table. He had taken Nicholas to the Academy and was just returned. He smiled at the memory of last evening when Nicholas had so easily chosen the right paintings and drawings for the next exhibition. The lad really had the most marvellous taste.

Just as he finished clearing away the plates and cups and putting them into the dish washer he heard Anna unlocking the door from outside.

The next minute she stood reproachfully in front of him and looked at the empty and clean table.

"You shouldn't do that, Marcus. It's my job."

"Good Morning to you too, Anna." He watched Anna taking off her coat and slipping into her apron. "You know I am old enough to do some cleaning by myself," he continued.

Anna didn't answer.

"Ah, come on, Anna. Stop sulking." Marcus said in a good-humoured tone, "see what I've left for you: the whole house. You can mop up, clean the windows, make the bed, do the laundry, iron the shirts, go shopping for some grocery. Have I forgotten anything?"

Anna couldn't help but smile. She was never able to be cross with Marcus. To her he was still her big child and sometimes she was amazed to find him a tall and handsome man. "Will Mr. Sebastian be coming again? With his boyfriend?"

She spoke slowly as if she had to sort out the words in her mind. For fifteen years she had known that Marcus was gay but she couldn't quite get used to it. She would much more enjoy the house if it was full of children and a wife she could spoil. But this would apparently never happen. She sighed and opened the fridge.

"Here," Marcus held out a sheet. "I have made a list of what we need. And by the way, if Sebastian comes or not shouldn't bother you. I know you cannot forgive him in "making me gay", right, Anna?"

His look was serious and Anna flinched a bit. She protested, "I never thought, ..."

"It's OK. I know, you only did your job."

Anna bit her lips. He would never forgive her for this. She recalled briefly the morning fifteen years ago as she stepped into Marcus' room to wake him up and found him and ... this Sebastian in an embrace she never wanted to see again. And shocked as she was she had to run to his parents to tell them her new discovery. All these years it had stood unspoken between both of them - Marcus and her - and that he mentioned it now all of a sudden made her feel slightly dizzy. Unsteadily she grabbed for the sheet of paper.

"Iceberg lettuce, tinned tomatoes, spaghetti, oregano, rosemary, Parma ham, asparagus, smoked salmon?" she read out loud.

"What shall I do with all these things?"

"Nothing, Anna. Just buy it. And don't buy the wrapped salmon, pick some fresh from the fish shop."

Anna looked confused at Marcus. From the fridge she pulled out the casserole with the stuffed cabbage leaves from two days before and held it accusingly under Marcus' nose. "Our little Nick is pretty spoilt, isn't he? Since when you don't like my cabbage leaves?"

"Of course I like it, but he had other things in mind."

Unnerved he sat at the kitchen table. "Come on, Anna, I don't want to have an argument with you. After all, you are here to serve me, and if I say I want tinned tomatoes then just do me the favour, OK?"

"Yes." Anna took the cabbage leaves, wrapped them in old paper and threw them into the trash bin. "If that's what you want. So what am I going to cook today?"

"Nothing. Just do the chores, please. I have to make some calls and be out of the house soon."

Nicholas saw Ben coming down the hall and waited until he was near enough. "Morning, Ben. I want to apologize for yesterday afternoon."

Ben didn't even give him a glance as he swept by. Nicholas was confused and then a bit angry. "Hey, I'm talking to you!" he called after him. Ben turned and came back. "So what do you want to say? Say it and then let me go."

His hazel eyes were almost black and the glasses mirrored dangerously the light from the hall windows.

"Of course it wasn't right of Marcus to ask you such things, I mean,"

"You mean about rough sex? Indeed, I don't understand what he meant by it. I am not keen on Sado-Masochism or something if that's what he meant." He came even closer. "And Frank told me some interesting things about you."

Nicholas stepped back. "What things?" His voice trembled a bit.

"You know very well what I'm talking about."

Nicholas ran his fingers through is hair. "Tell me," he said.

Ben was amazed. "You want to hear it? You have forgotten all about the blackmail attempt and that was the reason you left the Academy?"

Nicholas thought he had missed something.

"Blackmail?" He raised his left eyebrow. But then he had to laugh. "That's absurd!" He shook his head in disbelief. This Frank was incalculable and ... baffling in his fantasy.

"Ok, Ben," he said more calmly. "Tell me all about the blackmail." He grabbed Ben's arm and dragged him into a corner of the hall. "I would hate to lose you as a friend on account of Frank."

"Nick. I can understand you were in love with Frank. I am too. But it's not right to blackmail somebody you love actually to get love from him. That's absurd, as you said rightly."

"So I have blackmailed him, aha. And why should I have done it? What was the reason?"

"Of course you wanted to complain to the police. Intercourse with students."

Slowly it dawned on Nicholas. That bitch Frank!

"OK," he said loudly. "Now, what you are going to do? Go and visit Frank at his flat and get fucked by him? I wish you great pleasure." He lifted his hands as if to repulse him. "No, no, don't worry, I won't tell anybody and Marcus won't either. Have fun."

He stepped closer again. "One thing: he's not what he seems to be, you are blinded by love, let me tell you this. I like you very much. But if you think I could do such a stupid things as to try to blackmail Frank I'm sorry for you. Now if you wish you can begin a hot love affair with your teacher, right?" He paused a moment and peered intently into Ben's eyes. "Stop wishing, Ben. It could come true." And with this he left Ben and went into the work room.

For the next two hours Ben didn't say a word. He followed Frank's instructions but did no more then was demanded. Nicholas left Ben alone and spent more time with Kalle and his struggles with the right implementation of the coloured circle. He gave him tips how he could smudge out a strong and wrong coloured line and the result was enlightening for Kalle.

Of course Frank didn't understand the strange behaviour of both young men and wondered what was going on. During the break he approached Ben and asked him to come after the lessons to his flat. Ben agreed.

Five hours later Ben stood in front of Nicholas' paintings. He knew he would never be able to draw lines so freely, to fill them with the correct colours and it seemed to him as if Frank's ice-blue eyes pierced him from the wall.

"Our Nick has a great talent. Am I right?" he heard Frank's voice behind him.

"Yes, you are right." He sensed Frank's body-heat behind him and smelled his aftershave. "I believe you've had a row with your friend, haven't you?" He put one hand on Ben's shoulder.

"Come, turn around."

Ben did and gazed into Frank's blue eyes. "I guess he told you I'm a liar and everything I said was my own invention, right?"

Ben nodded and Frank grinned. "But I swear he was in love with me, perhaps still is and is only jealous because now you are with me."

Ben swallowed. "At least he promised me he wouldn't tell anybody about you and me. About us."

Frank stepped even closer. "So what is between you and me, Ben?"

"I don't know," Ben dropped his head. But then he looked up again. "What's between you and me, Frank? I don't know how you feel, but I..." He lifted his hands to Frank's shoulders, outlined the upper arms and let them rest at his waist, just above the belt of his trousers. His fingers weren't trembling as if he was no longer afraid, but firmly gripped the body and fumbled with the belt, unfastened it and pulled down the zipper of Frank's dark blue jeans.

Frank's eyes widened. He didn't like it when somebody else took the initiative over him, so he pushed Ben's hands away.

"Is that what you want, you little slut?" he hissed.

"Yeah," Ben answered with the same voice. "Do it."

Frank took him by the arm and pulled him away to his bedroom. Ben was amazed when he saw the pictures filling the walls, pictures of strong men in heavy leather gear, unzipped trousers, showing their erect, large cocks, jerking off with distorted, extreme facial expressions, but the longer he looked at them, the more excited he got. He pulled at Frank's T-Shirt, ripping it as he did so, and struggled to get rid of his own jeans. Frank tore down his pants, took off his glasses and his grip on Ben's balls was painful.

He sat on the unmade bed and with one long and deep rush he sucked his penis into his mouth and Ben cried out in pain because Frank’s fingers were squeezing his balls, creeping further to find his hole and trying to pierce it. He struggled to escape but the sucking mouth sent so much pleasure through his body that he couldn't scarcely move and tried to spread his legs to avoid the burning pain as Frank shoved his finger into his arse hole.

But then something flushed through his mind and he dove his fingers into Frank's shoulders and pushed him away. Frank's teeth grazed the sensitive skin of his penis and once more he suppressed a cry. Frank fell backwards onto the sheets. Naked and somewhat vulnerable he laid there, his legs spread and ready for Ben.

Before Frank could think clearly, Ben was over him at full length, spreading his legs even further and pushing a spit-wetted finger into Frank's hole which caused Frank to give a sharp gasp and he shouted, "Stop it, man! I'm not the one who gets fucked!"

He tried to escape but Ben's finger pushed deeper and the pain increased. "You never get fucked?" Ben's face was flushed and he was hardly aware of what he was doing or saying. He only felt the wriggling, fighting body under him and he felt such a desperate urge to shove his cock deep into Frank's bowels that he almost lost his mind.

Almost.

With a jolt he rose and released his grip on Frank's body who used the opportunity to creep higher until he reached the top of the bed where he sat with his knees pulled to his chin and stared panting and full of hate at Ben's swinging, erect cock between his legs.

Ben slowly regained consciousness. His face turned bright red, then he jumped from the bed, gathered his clothes and disappeared into the living room. After two minutes Frank heard the door slamming.

Ben ran aimlessly through the overcrowded streets, hardly aware where he went, but occasionally registering the odd looks of people who stared into his tear-stained face. He wiped them away and stopped suddenly. One deep sniff and he cleared his nose. What had actually happened? Why had he stopped and fled? What was wrong with the encounter? Wrong in that he was willing to fuck Frank but he didn't like it? He had to think about this, perhaps talk to someone about it. Ben had always thought of himself as a bottom but suddenly the urge to lie on top of the strong-minded Frank with his complacent grin and to feel him helpless beneath him had turned him on so much that he had almost exploded. Slowly he walked on, past rushing people on their way back home, doing shopping, looking forward to meeting their families.

The setting sun was hidden behind thin veils of clouds.

But had he ever wished that sex could be so ... rough? More than just passion? Nicholas' words flooded through his mind ... "he's not what he seems to be"... how could he have known?

But then all was clear to Ben. He dabbed at his forehead, wiping away the sweat which had built up there. Nick must have been through the same experience. Of course he was in love with Frank, that might be true. But the rest was surely wrong, Frank was lying. He hadn't tried to blackmail him, but Frank had obviously lost his control and the fuck had been painful - more than painful. So painful indeed, that Nick had left the Academy to be as far away as he could from his abuser.

Marcus was certainly the complete opposite; he radiated warmth and his smile was open and genuine. "What a jerk I am!" he shouted out loud. People looked at him uncomprehending but he grinned and bared his teeth. Now he was in the mood to turn back to Frank's flat and shout into his face what an arsehole he was.

* * *

"Nick? Are you here?" Marcus had just unlocked the door to his house. Because he heard nothing he ran upstairs taking two steps at once. He found Nicholas kneeling in front of the fireplace with the marble bust of Augustus between his knees and outlining with his fingers the delicate carved, young face. Marcus stood in the doorway and stared at him. "Don't do this again, Nicholas! I was scared shitless as I waited and waited and you didn't show up!" His voice had a mixture of relief and anger.

But then he knelt beside him. "Is something wrong?"

Nicholas looked up and shook his head. "I'm only confused."

Slowly it began to dawn on him that he had upset Marcus and his face became pale. "Shit, Marcus. I forgot that you always pick me up. I'm so sorry." His eyes were dark with unspoken pleading.

Marcus let his breath out in an audible sigh. "Ok, honey. But promise me you won't ever do it again. I had almost a heart attack! I saw you under a car or in the ambulance or kidnapped!"

Marcus had to laugh and Nicholas joined him for a while, but then his face became sad again.

"So why are you so confused, tell me."

"It's Ben. I told you that we had a row yesterday and I haven't spoken to him for almost the entire day. And then he disappeared and I guess he went to Frank's place. Frank didn't show up today. Called in sick."

"Sick?"

Nicholas nodded.

"But what's about Ben? Still not talking to him?"

"But yes. I pestered him to tell me what's going on, but he wouldn't give me an answer!"

"Hm." Marcus' hand stroked over the cool and smooth surface of the marble bust.

"And then I called my mother," Nicholas words came to his ears.

Marcus waited for Nicholas to continue, but he remained silent.

"What about your mother?" he asked softly.

"She's unhappy because of me."

A little moan escaped Marcus throat. "Darling, it's not your fault." He grabbed Nicholas and pulled him into his arms. "Your parents quarrel because of you, right?"

Nicholas' sniffed a bit. "Why can't he accept me for what I am? I do no harm to anybody I just ... I just love a man, that's all."

"Shh," Marcus stroked Nicholas' hair. "I know how you feel. I know it. I had the same fight with my parents years ago."

He lifted Nicholas' chin and looked deep into his blue, blurred eyes. "It will be all right some day, believe me. Of course you aren't doing any harm. It's just ... it's ... society which demands couples of a different gender. But this shouldn't bother us. It is as it is. And I'm very happy as it is."

He wiped a tear from the corner of Nicholas' eye. "Better? I'm with you and there's nothing to be afraid of. Some day your father will see that you haven't changed, that you are still the little boy he always loved. And perhaps then he will like me too."

"But it isn't only that you are gay, Marcus. You don't fit with us. Fit him. His upbringing. He thinks rich people are useless."

Marcus laughed. "Well, some of them are indeed useless. But many spend their money doing useful things. I give a good part of it to the Academy you're attending."

"Do you?" Nicholas was surprised. "You didn't mention that before."

Marcus laughed quietly. "I don't belong to those rich people who show their charity on a large label around their necks, or deduct from the taxes what they have done. I do it because I enjoy it."

Nicholas smiled. "That's a good thing. I'm happy about it." Marcus stood up and massaged his aching knees.

"Well, there's nothing we can do for the moment for Ben, so you'll see him on Monday. I guess it'll all clear up, don't you think." He pulled Nicholas to his feet. "Do you think he slept with Frank?" he asked then.

Nicholas shrugged and looked unhappy. Marcus planted a quick kiss at his lips. "Come, let me see a happy face again. We are invited to Sebastian's this evening."

"Sebastian?" Nicholas' voice sounded a bit shrill.

"Not in the mood?" Marcus frowned a bit. "He'll soon be going back to Rome and taking Kay with him for holiday or so he told me on the phone."

"And Simon?"

"Well, he promised he'd make a last try this weekend, but then he's off."

"And Kay will give up, too? I can't believe it."

"Honey. Kay will return and in the meantime we can search around a bit. If you want to, that is."

"Of course."

Marcus smiled. "Now what shall we do until then?"

He bent down to lift the Augustus bust and put it back on the mantelpiece. "How's your hand actually?"

Nicholas stretched and closed his hand. "All right. Almost like new."

"Good! Then show me what you have learned today."

"Ah come on, don't play teacher, Marcus. I've had enough of it today."

He embraced Marcus and began to kiss his lips, pushing him into the bathroom and saying half laughing, "We have to prepare for the big dinner, darling."

Kay, in Sebastian's well-equipped kitchen, eyed the ingredients for the dinner. It was almost 7:30 pm; Nick and Marcus would arrive at any minute. Curiously he lifted the plate what covered a bowl and found dark green plants, resembling Schachtelhalm.

"Hands off!" Sebastian called from the door. He stuffed his pale green shirt into his tight trousers and embraced Kay from behind.

"Are we going to eat THIS?" Kay asked, "I'm not a rabbit, you know."

Sebastian laughed. "I doubt that rabbits would eat this."

He chewed at his earlobe with the golden ring. "What sort of replacement has the shop found for you? Cute as you?"

Kay laughed. "Perhaps! Haven't seen him."

The bell rang at the front door and Sebastian rushed to answer it.

Nicholas couldn't decide if he was pleased to see Sebastian again, but as he stood in front of him and sensed the erotic feeling his body was oozing, he felt slightly weak in his legs, but Kay's cheerful greeting made him forget this.

Kay dragged him into the kitchen and looked at his hand. "Where's the bandage?"

"Gone. It's almost ok. I can draw and write again."

"Good news." Kay beamed and looked him up and down. "You have put on a bit of weight, sweetie."

Nicholas frowned. "Is it bad?"

Kay laughed. "No, no. It looks good. Very sexy!" He gave him a light tap on his tight buttocks and Nicholas squealed a bit.

"Look what we are supposed to eat." Kay lifted the plate again and held a green Schachtelhalm in front of Nicholas' eyes.

"Heavens, Kay! Put it back and get back into the living room," Sebastian shouted grinning. "Ask Marcus what he wants to drink."

Kay disappeared and Sebastian turned to look into Nicholas' embarrassed face. Sebastian stepped closer. "How are you?" he asked softly. "How's your hand?"

"Good. All is well."

"I'm sure Marcus told you we are off to Rome next week?"

"Yes." Nicholas threw a shy look to the other man. "And what about Simon? Marcus said we could both look for him until Kay returns .... he will return, yes?"

"Would you miss him?"

"Sure I would." Nicholas wanted to go badly but Sebastian's broad back blocked the entrance. Sebastian sensed that Nicholas was uncomfortable and asked, "I hope you will tell us all about the Academy, Nicki, will you?"

Nicholas nodded and was relieved when Kay showed up again and asked what he wanted to drink.

"And what do we do with these?" Kay asked as soon as Nicholas had gone.

"You can go and bring me Marcus while you amuse Nicki." He held back Kay at his belt. "It doesn't mean I want to find both of you on the carpet doing naughty things, understand?"

Kay burst out in laughter and rushed away.

While the water boiled, Sebastian took the very thin veal fillets and covered them with a slice of Parma ham and basil. Marcus put spaghetti into water and watched Sebastian's skilful hands.

"Nicki seems to be a bit confused, have you noticed?" Sebastian asked while he put the shrimps into the hot garlic-oil to roast.

"Yes, I know. It's because of Frank and all that shit."

Sebastian looked at him. "Oh yes, you mentioned it. So how does the story of Ben and Frank continue?"

"We don't know. This morning Frank was off sick and Ben wouldn't speak to Nicholas. But he too was very confused as it seems."

Sebastian shook his head. "Must be a real arsehole this Frank. I can't understand how a man could fall in love with him."

"Think what you're saying," Marcus said, "Nicholas was in love with him too, have you forgotten? I guess he wears something like a mask. He's agreeable to everybody but only if you know him better you can see what's behind that mask."

"I understand. And you believe that Ben has had a look behind it, yes?"

"Yes."

Sebastian pulled out the shrimps, took the strange, green stems and threw them into the oil, shoved them back and forth while Marcus poured out the spaghetti.

"Put it in the big bowl, please. It's finished already."

"Now explain to us please what this is," Kay said eyeing the dishes standing on the round table in the living room.

Sebastian filled his plate full of spaghetti, added the green stems and covered it all with shrimps.

"Have a taste."

Kay picked it up cautiously and chewed at the crispy consistency. Then his face lit up. "It's salty and fishy, but great!"

Marcus and Sebastian laughed, "Now you, Nicki."

Nicholas found it very strange but tasty. "What is it?"

"Passepierre algae, looks indeed like thick Schachtelhalm."

"Algae?"

"Yes, algae. You can mix it with sweet carrots too, it's delicious!"

Kay munched at his spaghetti and his plate was empty in no time.

Sebastian wiped his mouth, drank a bit from his wine and asked, "Now, Nicki, tell us a bit of your lessons. Learned a lot?"

"Um, yes. It's all right."

"That doesn't sound too delightful." He exchanged a look with Marcus.

"You know about Frank, yes? Well, it's not pleasant to work with him again, as you can imagine."

Kay stared at him with pity in his eyes. "Has he molested you again?"

"No. It's .... can I have some more of this algae, please?"

Sebastian put some on his almost empty plate. "It's ok, Nicki, you don't have to talk about it, if you don't want to. I only want to know if you are enjoying the lessons, no matter who the teacher is. What about your classmates?"

"Ok. Some of them recognized me from the exhibition."

Kay raised his eyebrows. "So they know you are gay?"

Nicholas nodded.

"Is that a problem?"

"No. Absolutely not. There's a guy "Walt", actually Walter-Udo, who is the nephew of the senator for culture. But he can't draw at all."

Kay laughed, amused. "So? And what does he do if he can't draw at all?"

Nicholas shrugged his shoulders. "As long as he gets preferential treatment from his uncle and he supports the Academy nobody can do anything about him."

Sebastian rolled his eyes. "Everywhere's the same. If you have the right connections you can do what you want. Nobody can touch you."

Marcus nodded.

"But what's about you? You support the Academy too," Sebastian said, "can't you use your influence to dismiss this Frank?"

"How can I do that? I'm not the headmaster of the school. And anyway I don't like doing such things. They must solve their problems for themselves."

Nicholas stared at Marcus. "But that's an idea, Marcus. If he did bad things to Ben then you could give him the sack."

Marcus looked uneasy. "Let's wait and see what happens, honey. We can think about it later, ok?"

"Any new strange incidents happened in the meantime?" Sebastian asked.

"No", Nicholas answered. "Fortunately they seem to have stopped. Perhaps it was all stupid coincidences, don't you think so?"

"Certainly I hope so." He emptied his glass. "Now, everybody ready for the second course?"

"Phew, so soon?" Kay patted his stomach. "I'll have to wait until there's some more room for the next course."

Nicholas drank his lightly sweet and fruity tasting Californian wine and slowly felt himself relax. He looked at Sebastian who had combed back his glossy, sandy hair and rolled up the long sleeves of his pale green shirt. He still remembered the feel of his body, the soft fine hair of his chest and legs stroking his own skin and felt a stir in his groin. His cheeks coloured briefly and he looked away, but Sebastian had sensed the look and looked questioningly into Nicholas turned face.

Each time he was confused at his nearness and he asked himself if he would rather have Nicki as his companion to Rome or Kay. Kay was so different from Nick, so cheerful and without that sense of sadness, but Nicholas' melancholy had something touching. He knew very well that Nicki could be thoroughly happy and carefree but there was something in his upbringing and environment that had made him sad, serious and in a way more adult than Kay perhaps ever would be.

Sebastian poured himself more wine and drank before he got up and went into the kitchen to look for the veal. There he threw all his scruples to the wind and just decided he wanted to enjoy the evening. A relaxed evening amongst friends.

He heated the pan with some butter and oil and put the fillets in, took out of the fridge the already cooked spinach and warmed it a bit in a saucepan. It didn't take long before everything was ready and he carried the plates into the living room.

* * *

The evening was cold and a nasty wind was blowing which drove clouds across the sky as Frank went upstairs from the underground to the day-bright illuminated railway station, Zoo. Large walls full of neon signs dazzled both him and the tourists on their way to several restaurants, Irish pubs and peep shows. Briefly a big yellow bus disturbed his gaze at the big Zoo- Palace cinema where young people stood in a queue to watch the announced film, "Shakespeare in Love" as Frank read narrowing his eyes. He passed sex-cinemas, an Asian food shop, a Turkish Kebab-seller and the stench of garlic followed him until the next corner where he crossed the street to get into the large, grimy station hall. It had been recently freshly renovated, but it still couldn't hide what it was: the most famous prostitution centre for whores and male hustlers, heroin junkies and dealers.

Frank cautiously touched the long, red scratch across his left cheek - a nice keepsake from Ben last night. Frank laughed grimly to himself. Ben! He had returned after the failed pass and as Frank looked into his angry face he knew that he hadn't returned to get fucked by him, but to argue.

He never had been so randy for someone like Ben in the past months and Nicholas had been the last of his pupils he had fucked. But Ben was something special, apparently innocent outwardly but he could be steel hard if he was crossed. And he had let Frank feel it. He wasn't sure how much Nicholas had told him, but Ben certainly knew something that only Nicholas could know or he had simply guessed correctly.

Frank turned right to the toilets and entered the long passage which was soiled with filth, paper towels, a pair of old shoes, a torn umbrella and he smelled the sharp stench of urine covered by the citrus smell of the air freshener.

Ben had asked him bluntly if he had done the same with Nick as he wanted apparently to do with himself ... rough sex without mercy and if he would get his satisfaction from this.

Frank giggled. If he only knew! If somebody knew that he fucked Walter-Udo's uncle, the big shot in the ministry! And that certainly without mercy but with whips and leather masks ...

Frank sighed suddenly. But this was becoming less now, Herbert, Walt's uncle, was afraid for his job and his reputation so Frank had to find another guy with whom he could indulge his fantasies.

Ben had insisted on an answer and when Frank had admitted he had had fun with Nick, Ben had flipped. He had attacked him all of a sudden and the results were bruised ribs, where Ben's foot had hit him and the long scratch in his face. But after the first pain had subsided, Frank was got up from the ground with a very hard cock but it was too late to throw Ben onto the bed and to fuck him like mad, because he had already slammed the door behind him.

Frank passed several hustlers standing in small groups in front of the door to the toilets. He eyed them but nobody seemed to catch his interest. He entered a lavatory, had a piss and washed his hands as his look in the mirror fell on a single guy standing in the corner and seeming to be watching him carefully.

Frank began to grin and the guy reciprocated. He sized him up and down and saw he was dressed neatly in jeans and a T-shirt under a thin wind cheater although he seemed to be cold. His brown, curly hair hung over his eyes and when he smiled, two deep dimples appeared in his cheeks. Frank turned and stepped closer to the boy.

"You want stuff or a fuck?" the lad asked, his small face suddenly serious.

"What stuff?"

"Anything you want."

"What about cocaine?"

"What about both? Stuff and a fuck?" the lad said. "Two hundred."

"Whoa, boy. Are you sure you are worth it?"

"Depends on what you want me to do. I do anything."

Frank began to tremble and the erection in his trousers grew.

"Anything?" he echoed. "Give me the stuff first."

The boy pulled out a little plastic bag full of white powder and handed it to Frank. He opened the bag carefully, dipped his finger in and tasted. "Good." Then he gazed deeply into the lad's brown, a bit dark ringed eyes. "Want to come with me?"

"Where?"

"My home."

The boy looked him up and down. Everybody had warned him never to go with a stranger but this didn't matter to him. He had nothing to lose anymore.

"Full night? Three hundred."

"Ok."

Both went along the dirty corridor, passed neglected young girls with hair all colours of the paint box, sleeping curled together with their big dogs or sitting on the floor and inhaling their pot.

"Simon!"

The young lad turned to another boy. "Where are you going?"

"Be back tomorrow. Don't worry. Hope you find somebody soon." He waved and carried on.

"So your name is Simon. I'm Frank."

"Hi Frank."

Frank's mind was clear as a bright summer meadow, he could see the colours changing their brightness, glowing in the darkness of his mind and exploding into fantastic formations. This time he had certainly taken too much of this damn cocaine; he could scarcely manage to think as he lay outstretched on the dishevelled blankets of his bed. He tried to figure out what the time was, certainly shortly before dawn. He peered at the other side of the bed to find Simon lying there, in a rather contorted position he knew he was alright, only tired after their long night. He felt a slightly twitch in his penis as he touched it. Certainly over-taxed. Frank grinned. But this boy was insatiable. His cock rose again and Frank didn't pay attention the little pain it caused. He heaved his body up and rolled onto his side, watching the uncovered, small body next to him, crept over him, lifted his legs apart and shoved his cock in one smooth motion and without care or thought deep into Simon's bowels.

Simon woke and gave a sharp gasp but since he still was filled enough with semen and lube it didn't hurt too much. He lay there and watched Frank's red, sweating face, the ice blue eyes closed, heard him grunting, felt him moving frantically in and out and suddenly Simon felt nausea. He almost threw up all over his body and the blankets. Frank didn't notice, he shoved his cock deeply into Simon's body and with a loud cry he came, frozen for a moment and pulling out his cock a moment later. He lifted his body from Simon's without a look or word, stood up and went with tottering legs into the bathroom.

Simon slowly got some peace. He felt cum dribbling out of his abused, sore anus and the nausea increased. His head was still swimming with pot and cocaine. Suddenly he jumped up and rushed into the bathroom where he vomited into the toilet. He heard the water splashing from the shower, rinsed his mouth and then tried to clean his crack a bit. Then he shuffled back into the bedroom and discovered Frank's wallet, lying at a sideboard. He took the money, counted it, dressed and left the flat.

Marcus awoke in the arms of Nicholas' who had him tightly pressed around his body from behind. He felt his body warmth and was happy that every morning he could wake up with his young lover. Carefully he turned on his back and held one of Nicholas' hand in his. He began to think about Kay and Sebastian and knew that both of them were getting on well together. Marcus decided his friend was more happy than he had been for ages. He was glad about this. Very glad. Kay was a charming lad and in love with Sebastian it seemed. Certainly both would have a great time in Rome. Marcus was even a bit envious. He too would have liked to have had a short holiday with Nicholas, no matter where, the main thing just to be alone with him, without annoying Anna, who always put her nose into every matter she thought was her concern. Well at least for the weekend they were free from her presence and he knew that Nicholas was looking forward to this time.

He felt Nicholas stirring and murmuring quietly words he didn't understand. Marcus squeezed the hand he was still holding and whispered, "Morning, angel. Have you anything special in mind for today?"

He peered at the pulled curtains and could see some tiny sunbeams seeping through the blinds. "It seems as if the sun is shining. What do you say to a little trip outside the city?"

"Huh?" Nicholas muttered sleepily and stretched his body. "Ask me again when I'm awake."

Marcus smiled. "Ok, sunshine. While you are deciding whether to get up or not I'll make us coffee, all right?"

He planted a kiss on Nicholas' forehead and stood up.

* * *

The sweat ran down his back and made his new white T-shirt sticky. The mood in the 'Nightfactory' was at its height and Simon had already done good business. Together with the contents of Frank's wallet he had earned a small fortune.

He leaned against the damp wall in the farthest corner of the room and watched the dancing men, most of them had already taken off their shirts and vests and Simon asked himself how many of them were available for a one-night stand. Real couples seldom came to this club - the same as in every club where Simon sold his stuff and ass. At the memory the pain returned. He didn't think that he would sell his ass tonight - or tomorrow night. The mere thought of Frank's insatiable cock made him sick, but the rustling notes, well hidden in his belt, were compensation enough.

He smiled as familiar faces passed by but wasn't in the mood to follow them. At the moment he felt depressed. How had he ever thought that this life he was now leading could him make forget his own death warrant he had black on white. It was only a matter of time before the disease would break out and then Simon wanted to be prepared. He hadn't the intention to languish until he died. Never. He couldn't forget his sorrow by becoming a hustler and dealer and the encounters with all the strange men had only added to his sorrow. In a few months time he had seen all, men in their middle age, stroking with trembling hands over his buttocks and penis, sucking him off fervently and leaving more money than he had demanded. Young, dashing managers or business men coming for a short fuck between two conferences or during their lunch break. It all depended on which place he took up his position. He always had chances, so long he looked good, his clothes were clean, the hair glossy and his complexion healthy. With the money from his deals he was able to rent a little flat and he played with the thought of advertising in the newspaper to welcome his clients at home.

Simon sipped at his Coke. This Frank must have been insane. He had fucked him without a condom - over and over again. Perhaps the stuff was responsible, perhaps not. Anyway. Simon didn't care. Everybody was responsible for his own life. Probably he would never see him again.

Simon narrowed his eyes and tried to focus on someone who looked familiar. He peered over the backs of the dancing men to the bar, saw him talking to Alfred, the barkeeper. The flickering light shone on his sandy hair. He had his arm around another young man's waist and Simon made an almost instinctive step forward to get closer until it was clear to him. It was Kristian, his brother, he was pretty sure. If it were possible, Simon became more hot and he suddenly felt a lump in his throat. And the other man was Sebastian... Simon wondered briefly how both had came together.

But then the memory of Marcus was so overwhelming that he had to turn his face. Without hesitation he left the club.

"Where, did you say?" Sebastian concentrated his gaze over the heads of the dancers into the darkness of the opposite walls.

"Come, let's go. He's certainly somewhere there." Kay dragged him with him, first across the dance floor, along the wall and then to the toilets. They disturbed couples in tight embraces but Simon wasn't there. Kay once more pulled out his picture, but was told Simon had been there until a few minutes ago but now nobody knew his whereabouts. They parted and searched for another twenty minutes, occasionally turning back to Alfred, but Simon seemed to be gone for the night.

*

Nicholas was lost in memories of the weekend as he walked slowly towards the entrance of the Academy. Saturday he and Marcus had spent in a forest on the outskirts of the town, enjoying the surprising warmth of the sun and yesterday Nick hadn't wanted to move from the bed, so Marcus had joined him and both had spent a very delightful day full of passion and tenderness.

In the evening they got a call from Sebastian saying goodbye. Nicholas hadn't any clue when and if he would ever see him again and he wasn't quite sure if he was relieved about it or not.

Someone patted him on his shoulder.

"Hi, Nick."

Nicholas looked into Ben's smiling face.

"Ah, so you're talking to me again?"

Ben looked guilty. "I'm sorry mate. You know, I had problems to work out."

"Do you want to tell me about them?"

"Frank." Ben squeezed his bag which he held firmly under his arm. "I had to sort things out on Friday, I couldn't tell you before."

Nicholas peered into his eyes. "And now you've sorted them out? And what has it got to do with Frank? You've been to see him again at his flat, I assume?"

Ben nodded. "Yes. And I see what you meant when you said I should 'stop dreaming because dreams can come true'. I 'd say a nightmare came true."

Nicholas looked perplexed. "What do you mean? Did he ... did he ... has he hurt you?"

"Well, he tried." Ben seemed to smile. Nicholas gave him a friendly shove with his shoulder. "So talk, man!"

"Marcus was right too in asking Frank if he was still keen on rough sex. I know now. He tried the same with me, although I'm not quite sure about it all." He gave Nicholas an odd sideways glance. "I mean, I wanted it too, you know what I mean, right? But then he seemed to get out of control ... or something. And I was out of control too." He shook his head. "I don't know exactly what happened to me. Suddenly I tried to force things, his fingers were hurting me, his teeth, all of him was fiery and I wanted to take control of the situation but then he fled and I was ..."

Nicholas stopped and put a hand around Ben's shoulder. "I know roughly what you mean. You wanted to pay him back, right? And he was a sissy all of a sudden." He laughed unhappily. "And then?"

"I ran out of his flat! But then I returned. I wanted to make things clear, but he began to shout at me, trying to make me small and gave me a punch on the ear and then we fought." He paused briefly. "I had lessons in karate, you know."

"Ah! karate. And now he's sitting there with a broken rib?"

Ben shrugged. "No idea. I don't think so. I guess it's more his wounded pride. You know, I'm so confused. After all I liked him, perhaps more than 'liked' I assume. And now everything is shattered." He looked straight into Nicholas' eyes. "He did the same to you, didn't he?"

"Yes." Nicholas' voice was low. "But I didn't have your strength. I couldn't run away."

Ben's eyes widened. "You mean he ... raped you?"

Nicholas didn't answer.

"What a shame I didn't break all of his ribs then!" Ben spat out.

"No, it's ok. You mustn't give tit for tat. I'm done with Frank. He can't hurt me anymore, you understand."

"But it's stupid to hold out the other cheek. He must be punished!"

"Oh well," Nicholas sighed. "Would it change anything? It happened and can't be undone. My healing was Marcus. He's the best thing that's ever happened to me."

Ben smiled at him. "Of course. But where's MY healing?"

Frank looked the same when they found him standing amongst a group of students and gladly answering all their questions. Except for the long, livid scratch on his cheek he looked as relaxed as ever, only as he noticed Ben and Nicholas entering the classroom a little spark appeared in his eyes. After all Ben was a witness to his weakness. The weakness that he was afraid of being fucked and losing his control by lying helplessly under another heavy, male body and obeying its wishes and desires. He couldn't stand that thought.

And he wasn't willing to give up Ben so easily; Ben would have to obey HIS wishes someday, to redeem the humiliation. The little fuck on Saturday with the hustler wasn't any comparison; he after all had got paid for it, overpaid since he'd stolen his wallet.

But it was definitely good for his ego to have a body next to him he could use like a puppet. He grinned his complacent grin again.