The River - 1. Story

The River

by Tiffani Chin

 

 

“I have a gift for you.”

“What’s the occasion?”

“Your anniversary with Mr. Goldsmith.”

Mary looked down at Jamie, the best friend of her eldest son, and cocked her head in amusement. “I know you’ve been friends with Evan for a long time honey, but you don’t need to get me an anniversary gift, especially when my own kids don’t!” she chuckled. “By the way, have you seen Evan or Porter? I haven’t been able to find them all day.”

“Mrs. Goldsmith, may I come in?” Jamie asked.

The smile she wore faded quickly. Something was wrong; Jamie was speaking too seriously to her. She had known him so long that they were able to chatter almost like friends. His current behavior was unusual. A cold feeling of dread traveled through her stomach.

“Jamie, is something wrong?” she asked, in a soft tone full of fear.

“Mrs. Goldsmith, may I come in?” he repeated.

Swallowing hard, she opened the door wider and nodded for him to walk past her. He didn’t smile, only nodded briefly before stepping inside and heading directly to the kitchen. She trailed slowly after him, her mind racing.

Then growing angry, she demanded to know what was going on. “Jamie, did Evan and Porter do something wrong? Are they hurt?” The anxiety was evident in her voice.

Jamie’s eyes looked sad. “Is Mr. Goldsmith around?”

“Yes, why?” she asked, aware that he hadn’t answered her question.

“Can you ask him to join us?”

“Why?” she breathed.

“He needs to hear this, too,” Jamie replied gently, but firmly.

Mary’s eyes widened and filled with tears even though she had no clue what was going on. She nodded wordlessly and went to get her husband.

Seconds later they returned, with Mary dragging her husband into the kitchen forcefully. The man looked disgruntled.

“Mary, what the hell is going on?” he snapped, wrenching his arm free.

“Jamie has something to tell us. It has to do with Evan and Porter.”

Carl stared at Jamie. “What have those idiots done now?” he asked in exasperation. Mary looked down at her hands when he said that and played with her fingers.

“Evan came to me for help…” Jamie started.

“Help?” Carl interrupted. “Help for what?” Carl swallowed hard.

Jamie stared evenly at Carl even though the man was a good five inches taller. Jamie lifted his chin. “Don’t you already know?” he challenged.

Mary’s head snapped up and she stared curiously at her husband. Carl blanched and blinked in shock, taking a step back. He opened his mouth but not one sound came out.

“What do you know?” Mary asked, moving closer. Carl was still staring hard at Jamie, studying him. She turned to Jamie. “What does he know?” she begged desperately.

“You don’t know anything,” Carl whispered, looking down at Jamie smugly, deciding he had the upper hand. After all, Jamie was just a kid.

Jamie was not deterred. His shoulders squared, he walked towards Carl, his steps slow, precise, and deliberate. His chest puffed out confidently. “I know everything.” His brown eyes drilled defiantly into Carl’s.

“I know everything,” Jamie whispered. He could see the uneasy expression in Carl’s eyes.

“What the fuck is going on?” Mary screamed. “Will someone tell me what’s going on? What happened to my boys?” she shouted. Whipping her head towards Jamie, her eyes softened, although the volume of her voice never changed. “Tell me, Jamie! Right now!”

“Mrs. Goldsmith, Evan and Porter are hurt.”

She gasped and clutched her chest. “What?”

“They’ve been hurting for awhile and didn’t know how to tell you or ask for help. They love you a lot, you see.”

“What happened…” her eyes filled with tears.

“Evan was trying to be strong, but that all changed because of Porter. Evan wanted to get rid of their pain. He wanted them to be healed. He came to me for help,” Jamie said simply.

“I don’t understand,” Mary murmured, the tears falling slowly, trickling down her cheeks and onto her chin.

“Evan didn’t want to hurt you, Mrs. Goldsmith. All he wanted was for you to be happy, but he could only take so much. He was in a lot of pain, for years now. I never knew until now,” Jamie said.

“How was he hurt? How come I didn’t know? It couldn’t have been for years,” she argued. “I would have known. I know my son. I know these things. I’m his mother,” she cried out.

“Cut the shit, Jamie, you’re upsetting Mary. Where are they?” Carl interjected, his fists clenching.

Jamie saw something flash in Carl’s eyes and he smiled. “I saw that.”

Carl frowned. “What?” he and Mary asked at the same time.

Jamie pointed to Carl’s eyes. “I saw the fear. Things are falling apart now, aren’t they?” he asked calmly. “You won’t get to them, Mr. Goldsmith. You can’t keep them quiet any longer. It is too late.” Jamie smiled faintly. “It is too late for you.” He placed emphasis on the last word.

“Tell us where they are,” Carl hissed, ignoring Jamie’s response.

“Where are they? We can help them,” Mary pleaded. “Take us to them, Jamie. Please.”

“Mrs. Goldsmith, Evan and Porter don’t need your help anymore,” he said gravely. Mary gasped at his words, her heart pounding. “I’ve already helped them,” Jamie said solemnly.

Mary fell to her knees suddenly crying. Her shoulders shook. “Where are my boys?” she sobbed, pounding at the tiles.

Jamie knelt down beside her and touched her back gently. “Don’t cry, Mrs. Goldsmith. I’ve already helped them,” he said in a soothing tone. “They’re in a better place.”

“They’ll never hurt again. I promise,” he whispered. “No more suffering. No more pain.”

“Oh God,” Mary choked out. “Oh my God.” She grabbed the front of Jamie’s shirt. “What did you do? What did you do to them? Where are they? What happened to my babies?” she cried hysterically.

Jamie’s eyes locked with Carl’s. “They’re somewhere special,” he said softly. “Where no one can ever hurt them again,” he paused. “Right Mr. Goldsmith?”

“What is he talking about?” Mary asked, looking back and forth between the two.

Carl shook his head innocently, but his trembling lips betrayed his true emotions. Mary stood up and advanced on her husband, desperate for answers. “Carl, what is he talking about?” she demanded shrilly. “Tell me, tell me now!” She pounded his chest.

“Go ahead,” Jamie ordered. “Tell her everything. Tell her what you’ve done to her children.”

******

Evan massaged the various bruises on his body and grimaced. His body felt tender and sore. He hated that feeling. He wanted to take a hot shower and rub his skin until he felt clean again. He still felt the man’s hands on his body and he couldn’t even bear to look at himself in the mirror.

With shaking hands, he dialed Jamie’s number. He almost cried when he heard the cheerful voice of his best friend. It was comforting and soothing and beautiful. It inflated his heart, but cut at it at the same time.

“Jamie,” he croaked out, trying to sound as normal as possible.

“Hey Evan, what’s up?”

“Can you meet me?” he asked, squeezing his eyes shut hopefully.

“Yeah, sure. When?”

“In ten minutes? At our spot,” Evan said, referring to the giant tree behind the school.

“Is something wrong?” Jamie asked, his friend’s voice sounding odd.

“I’ll see you in ten minutes,” Evan replied, hanging up the phone. He turned to the other bed in the room and saw Porter curled in a ball in his bed. “Porter, I’ll be back soon.”

“Don’t leave me,” came the small voice.

Evan kissed Porter’s forehead. “You’ll be ok. He’s not here.”

“I’m scared.”

“Don’t be. I’ll be right back.”

Porter’s small hand grabbed his wrist. Evan sank into the bed, hugging his younger brother. “Take a nap, baby. Everything will be ok soon. I have a plan.”

“You promise?” Porter asked with wide eyes.

“I promise. I’ll come right back for you,” Evan answered, running his fingers through Porter’s soft hair.

******

“Jamie, can I trust you?” Evan asked.

Jamie flicked his best friend’s ear and grinned. “I’m insulted. Of course you can, you know that.”

But Evan was dead serious and Jamie looked back at him curiously. “This isn’t a secret about some girl or some practical joke. I need to know that I can trust you. Can I trust you, Jamie?”

“Yes, Evan, you can,” Jamie said sincerely. “You can tell me anything and I won’t say a word to anyone.”

Evan took a deep breath. “I need your help.”

“Sure, with that?”

Evan’s hazel eyes glistened. “Jamie, I need your help.”

“Are you in trouble?” Jamie asked.

“Remember Bobby Patterson’s father and his preaching about the river?” Evan asked.

“Yeah?” Jamie asked frowning.

“Do you know how to get there?” Evan asked.

“No, but I have an idea. Bobby talks about it enough. I could get directions from him,” Jamie said. He cocked his head. “Why do you want to go?”

“Reverend Patterson said the river could cure ailments. Could wash away pain. Could take away sins and guide souls to the Kingdom of Heaven,” Evan said in a hopeful tone.

“But you don’t believe any of that do you?” Jamie smiled. “It’s a bunch of mumbo jumbo. It’s a river for heaven’s sake, not some time space portal or whatever.”

Evan’s lips turned up briefly before he looked up at his friend. “I didn’t believe any of it at first, but I do now. I want to go there.”

“Why now?” Jamie asked, leaning forward.

Evan rested his face in his hands and sighed loudly. Jamie patiently waited until he heard a small squeak and noticed tremors run through Evan’s body. Jamie realized his best friend was crying.

“Evan, are you ok?” Jamie asked with concern. “What’s wrong man?”

“I’ve been hurting for six years!” Evan exploded looking up, his face red, wet with tears. “Six fucking years! And now Porter. Now he’s started on Porter.”

“Dude, what are you talking about?” Jamie asked feeling worried.

“It hurt so much, Jamie. Every time, it hurt so much,” Evan whispered. “Each time it got worse and worse. It hurt so much, but it was ok, as long as Porter was safe and Mom was happy,” he murmured to himself. “But last night, Porter told me what happened, what’s been happening. I can’t let it happen to him. He’s a baby. I can’t let him go through what I did,” he rambled. “I had no idea. It wasn’t supposed to happen to him. It wasn’t supposed to be this way.”

“I don’t understand,” Jamie’s brow was knitted in confusion.

“Carl hurts us,” Evan gasped as if he had trouble breathing.

Jamie’s eyes widened in shock. “What?”

“He’s hurt me since I was little.”

“What…when…how?” was all Jamie could ask.

“Whenever we were alone. At night,” Evan whispered. “He made me do things,” Evan said slumping. “It hurt.” He looked at Jamie with tears. “Now Porter. Now him.”

“No more. It ends now,” Evan said with determination. “He hurt me, but I won’t let him get near Porter anymore. Carl won’t touch him ever again.”

“Help me, Jamie. Help me,” Evan begged.

“How?”

“The river can heal us, can take away our pain. I want to go there. Me and Porter need to get there, and we won’t hurt anymore,” Evan said. “I know it. Help me get there. Help me, ok? Help me please. Please Jamie,” his shoulders began shaking again with sobs. He fell into Jamie’s chest. “You’re my best friend. If I can’t rely on you…”

Jamie wrapped his arms around his friend and hugged him tightly. Evan cried harder. “Shh. It’s ok. Don’t cry. I will help you. I’ll take you to the river as soon as I can. But first, tell me. Tell me everything.”

“The things he did, the things he made me do, it hurt so bad. And now Porter,” Evan wailed. “Porter is so small. He can’t take it! I won’t let him hurt Porter.”

“Shh,” Jamie said in a soothing tone although his body felt tense and he felt an intense wave of sadness wash over him. He never noticed anything wrong with Evan. Had Evan hidden it that well, or was Jamie just unaware and too self-involved? He suddenly felt ashamed and angry with himself. Some best friend he was.

“Shh,” Jamie whispered. “It will be ok, Evan. I will help you.”

“But first, tell me everything. I will help you, I promise. Tell me everything, Evan.”

Evan choked and nodded against Jamie’s chest.

******

“Please don’t do this,” Jamie pleaded.

“You know I have to,” Evan whispered. “You know the truth now. This is the only way.”

“No, you don’t. Tell your Mom. She will help you. She’s your mother.”

“He’ll deny everything and no one will believe me,” Evan said. “I’m just a kid. They never believe us.”

“She would. Your Mom would.”

“You promised to help me,” Evan’s lips trembled, his eyes hardened. “Are you backing out of your promise?”

“Evan…”

“I’ll never forgive you,” Evan said quietly. Their eyes met. “I need this.”

“What about Porter? Are you going to give him a choice in the matter? This kind of concerns him, too,” Jamie said, growing angry. “It’s his life we’re talking about!”

“I’m doing what’s best for him,” Evan said. “Porter won’t have to go through what I did. We’ll be happy in the Kingdom of Heaven.”

Jamie’s head snapped back. “You’ve been talking to Bobby’s Dad,” he accused.

“He believes,” Evan replied shrugging.

“Did you tell him what happened?”

“He said the river will help us,” Evan said, not answering Jamie’s question. “He supports us.”

“He’s a fucking loon,” Jamie muttered under his breath. “Evan, please don’t do this. I didn’t know what you wanted to do. If I did, I never would have agreed to help you. Please don’t do this. There are other ways. Talk to your mother…”

“There is only one way to heal us! There is only one way to get rid of our pain!” Evan screamed. “This has to be done! I can’t take the pain anymore. It’s everywhere. On my body, in my mind, in my heart. I can’t take it anymore. I have to do this!”

Jamie hunched over and cried into his chest. “Please Evan, don’t.”

“I want you to drive away once we get in the river. I don’t want you to watch,” Evan said blankly.

Jamie shook his head. “No, Evan.”

Ignoring Jamie, Evan walked to the backseat of Jamie’s car and took Porter’s little hand. “Come on baby,” Evan said gently. He lifted the child into his arms.

“Evan, tell someone! Don’t do this to yourself and Porter! He has his whole life ahead of him!”

Porter’s eyes were wide and his chestnut curls bounced around his forehead as he looked back and forth curiously.

“Porter, do you want to go to the Kingdom of Heaven?” Evan asked softly, bouncing the little boy in his arms.

“What’s that?”

“It’s a special place.”

“Carl?” Porter asked fearfully. He clutched Evan’s sleeve. “Will he be there, too?”

“Carl can’t come there. You’ll be safe.”

“Will Daddy be there?” Porter asked excitedly. Porter didn’t remember their father because he had been only a baby when their father had walked out.

Evan smiled, but it didn’t reach his eyes. “I don’t know, sweetheart. When we get there, we can find out.” But the truth was he had long given up on their real father. The man was never coming back for them.

“Is there ice cream there?” Porter asked bouncing. “I love ice cream!”

Evan smiled, the back of his eyes stinging and he fought back a sniffle. “Yeah little baby, there’s ice cream there. Every single flavor in the world is there. And you can have as much as you want.”

Porter’s eyes lit up. “Is there mint chocolate chip?”

“Yup.”

“The green kind?” Porter frowned. “I only like the green mint ice cream. The white one is ugly.” He wrinkled his little button nose.

“They have the white and green kind, but I’ll make sure you only get the green kind,” Evan promised.

“Chocolate? Strawberry? Peanut butter?” Porter went on enthusiastically.

Evan smiled. “Yes, yes, and yes.”

“What about puppies?” Porter always wanted a dog.

“Everyone gets a puppy in the Kingdom of Heaven. More if they’re really good,” Evan smiled. Porter cheered, pumping his little fists in the air.

Jamie watched the exchange, stunned and horrified.

Suddenly Porter’s happy smile faltered. “Evan?” he asked in a small voice.

“Yeah baby?”

“I’m scared to go.”

“Don’t be. You’re going to a better place,” Evan assured. “You will be safe and happy.”

“Will you go with me? Will you be with me? I won’t be scared if you’re with me,” Porter said, looking down shyly, as if embarrassed that he still needed his older brother.

Evan kissed Porter’s soft cheek. “I’ll never leave you, Porter. I’m coming with you. I’ll protect you always. I may not have done such a good job so far, but I will never let anyone hurt you again. We’ll be together forever and I’ll protect you, ok?”

Porter grinned widely. “Ok!”

Jamie was horrified as he watched the exchange between the brothers. “This is sick. You know this isn’t right,” he whispered.

Evan ignored his friend and gripped Porter tighter in his arms. “Go now, Jamie,” he said.

“No, Evan.”

“Leave now, Jamie.”

“No, Evan, please.”

“Porter, say bye to Jamie. He’s leaving now,” Evan said, his eyes hardening once again. Jamie had never seen this side of Evan. He seemed so cold.

“Evan,” Jamie said imploringly.

Evan’s eyes softened. “We’re going now. Jamie, umm,” his voice got caught in his throat. “You’re a great best friend. I love you, ok? Don’t forget that. This is just something we have to do. Thank you. Thank you for bringing us here,” Evan said. He turned, but his steps faltered.

Not moving, Evan said one last thing. “I’m sorry. Please understand.”

Jamie didn’t know what to do. He was frozen as he watched Evan walk slowly on the gravel leading to the mouth of the river. He wanted to get help, but the river was a good twenty miles from their town and the surrounding area was deserted and rural. Houses were spaced apart for miles. It would take him forever to get someone. His eyes darted around nervously, desperately.

Evan was waist deep in the water by now. Porter didn’t know how to swim yet and was clinging tightly against his body. Jamie wasn’t close enough to hear, but he knew that Evan was reassuring Porter.

Jamie knew he couldn’t wrestle Evan on his own, since Evan was the larger of the two. Jamie had height but was very skinny.

There was a slim to none chance, but Jamie had to try. Maybe someone would be passing on the long road. Maybe today there would be a miracle. Maybe today God would intervene.

Jamie looked around, seized with panic as he tried to figure out the fastest route to the main road. Sweat dripped down his forehead and he felt hot. He looked up and saw the small clearing of trees atop a small hill. His mind raced. He had taken a long winding dirt path to get to the river, but if he made it over the hill and through the woods, he would connect directly to the main road.

He ran. His legs burned from the exertion.

******

“It’s cold,” Porter whined, his legs climbing up Evan’s chest in an effort to avoid the water.

“I know, just hold on to me,” Evan said softly, wading further in, his feet feeling out the muddy bottom slowly and cautiously.

The mud clung to the bottom of his sneakers and suddenly he fell forward, the icy water splashing over Porter’s head. Porter sputtered and let out a cry, his arms tightening around Evan’s neck.

“It’s ok, Porter. I got you,” Evan said, backing up to where the ground was higher. The water lapped at them and for a split second he felt a moment of doubt about his plan. Then he felt the pull of the river and knew that it led somewhere. He had faith that it would lead to a better place, just like Reverend Patterson had said.

“I don’t want to go!” Porter shrieked. “It’s cold!”

“Porter.”

“It’s cold! I want to go home! I want Mommy! And I want ice cream,” Porter cried. “I’m hungry.” He started wiggling and squirming.

“Porter, stop.”

“I want to go home!” Porter went on.

“Porter, stop!” Evan yelled. “Shut up! Just shut up, Porter!”

Porter went silent and his eyes widened, welling instantly with tears.

“I’m doing this for you, for us. Do you want Carl to hurt you again?” Evan asked, pressing his face close his brother’s. “Do you want him to hold you down while you cry and beg? Do you want the darkness to cave in until you can no longer breathe?” Evan hissed.

Porter silently shook his head and Evan sighed. “I’m sorry I yelled,” Evan said apologetically. “I love you, Porter. Do you trust me?”

Porter nodded.

“I’m going to keep you safe, but I need you to be a good boy.”

“Where is the Kingdom of Heaven?” Porter asked, looking into the water. “I don’t see it.”

“The river will lead us to it.”

“How far is it?”

“It’s far, but the river will do all the work. It will take us as far as we need to go,” Evan promised.

“The water is so cold,” Porter murmured. “We have to travel a long way in the cold.”

“I’ll try to keep you warm,” Evan said, squeezing his arms tighter. “Alright cutie pie?”

Porter didn’t look convinced, but nodded anyway.

Evan took a deep breath. “Ok Porter. Hold onto me. And take a breath.”

Porter did as he was told. Taking another breath, Evan nudged them forward until they were submerged. He waded further in. Nothing happened.

Running out of oxygen, Evan and Porter popped back out of the water. Porter was gasping for air, looking terrified. He whimpered, burying his face in the crook of Evan’s neck.

Evan was getting frustrated that nothing was happening. Why wasn’t the river taking them? “Another breath,” he ordered with determination.

“Evan,” Porter whined.

“Another breath,” Evan said gruffly. “This has to work. This river has to work. Reverend Patterson said it would. It will take away our pain and suffering.” Water was flying out of his mouth, combined with his spit. “Another breath!”

When their second attempt didn’t work, Evan started kicking his legs angrily, angry at the river, angry that no one wanted to help them, not even fucking nature. Nothing was working for him and his brother.

“Why aren’t you helping us?” Evan screamed. Porter flinched in his arms. “Why won’t you accept us? Are we not good enough? Are we not damaged enough! Are we too damaged? Why won’t you help us? We need to get away. Help us!” His face was cold and the only warmth came from his tears. He kicked his legs.

“I believe! I believe! Do you hear me? Fucking take us, you piece of shit river!” he shouted. He was so angry and busy hitting the water, demanding to know why they were not being taken away that he didn’t hear the cries and screams behind him.

Furiously, Evan plunged deep into the river, surging forward, forgetting to remind Porter to take a breath. Porter struggled, but Evan gripped him harder.

This time, he felt a gentle current grip them, and in an instant they were swept forward. Swiftly they moved and rode along the contours of the river.

Evan couldn’t help smiling. They were on their way. Things would be ok from now on.

“No!” Jamie screamed, diving into the river. The man he had managed to flag down on the deserted road hollered something, but Jamie paid him no mind.

“No, no, no!” He threw himself into the water, opening his eyes, feeling the sting from the water. He searched endlessly, wading and stumbling on the mud as far as he could go before the current could claim him too.

When Jamie felt himself dragged forward, he stood and started propelling his feet backwards, anchoring them in the muddy embankment. Jamie tried again and again, splashing wildly, trying to keep his footing whenever his head sunk under. Occasionally standing, he would stare down the river as far as he could see.

The result was the same.

He rose out of the water empty-handed, his shoulders hunched in defeat.

******

“You let them drown?” Mary screamed. “You let them drown? How could you, Jamie? How could you! Why didn’t you do anything?”

“Because my best friend was in pain and that was his wish. I couldn’t deny him that,” Jamie said wiping his eyes.

“You allowed Evan to kill himself? And Porter?” she was enraged. “What is wrong with you?” she screeched in disbelief.

“What about you?” Jamie yelled back. “You didn’t even know what he was doing to them!” Jamie pointed at Carl accusingly.

Mary’s eyes widened and her crying and shouting ceased. “I didn’t…I couldn’t…no one ever said…” she sputtered.

“He was afraid to come to you! He knew how much you loved Mr. Goldsmith and how unhappy you’ve been ever since their Dad left you!” Jamie shouted. “He put you first. He put you before himself. But when Carl started hurting Porter, Evan said he couldn’t allow it to go on any longer. Evan would not let Porter suffer the way he did.”

“Is it true?” Mary asked, whipping around to face Carl. Her face was wet and her hair was sticking to her face. “Is what he said true? Did you hurt my babies?”

Carl was pale and he looked like he wanted to run.

“Did you hurt my children?” she hissed, her eyes crazed and wild looking. “Did you do those horrible things to them? To my Evan? To my Porter?”

“Mary, they’re children...”

“What does that mean?” she seethed. “Is that a yes or no? Did you hurt my children?” she growled the last word dangerously.

“They misinterpreted, I mean, I was trying to get close to them and show affection to…” he didn’t get a chance to finish as Mary started swinging her fists at his head.

“You fucker!” she howled, backing him into a corner. She kept hitting and swinging, pounding at him until she grew tired. Once that happened, once she was exhausted, she started grabbing mugs, dishes, utensils, mail, books, anything in sight.

When she ran out of things, she stood in front of him breathing hard. The kitchen was silent except for her ragged gasps and pants.

Whirling to look at Jamie, she asked, “Where are they? Can I see them? I need to see my babies.” Her face was pale and sweating. “Please, Jamie. Where are they?”

“The river swept them…” Carl started to say.

“Shut up,” she screamed, kicking a chair towards Carl. “Jamie,” she begged, walking over to him, taking his hand.

“I walked the length of the river,” Jamie swallowed hard. “I found them.” His hands shook and he blinked rapidly, sniffling. “I’m so sorry, Mrs. Goldsmith,” he whispered.

She squeezed her eyes shut and fell to the floor in a silent wail, clutching her stomach.

She started mumbling under her breath.

Jamie realized she was saying a prayer. Looking over his shoulder, he saw Carl slumped on the kitchen floor, leaning against the cabinets. His face was ashen and he was holding his chest.

“Mrs. Goldsmith, about my gift, I have something to give you. Evan wanted me to give it to you,” Jamie began. “I want you to wait here while I go get it, ok?” he said gently. She nodded slowly, her eyes dazed and red, snot dripping out of her nose. “I’ll be right back,” he said softly. Patting her shoulder, he ran down the steps.

Her hand went to her mouth; she cried silently. Her stomach churned with regret and anger and sadness. Her body caved inward, her face in her own lap. She then hugged herself, her mouth open in despair, quiet gasps emitting from her throat as her emotion was unable to be contained within her body. She felt her saliva dripping out of her mouth.

Mary had no idea how long she remained that way. She had no idea how long she sat there mourning the loss of her two children. Her mind raced, filtering over the past seven years of her marriage to Carl. She searched desperately for clues, for signs, for hints of the abuse her husband had inflicted on her innocent babies.

She smacked her head, as if trying to make herself remember, to make herself realize. Or maybe she was punishing herself for ignoring the obvious; Evan had not been happy for awhile and was quiet, sullen and moody. She just assumed he was like any other teenager growing up. Outwardly, Carl and Evan had always gotten along, at least to the best of her memory.

Unable to stay still, she began rocking. Minutes passed; she suddenly went still as she gazed out the window, watching the trees sway. A thought came to her. There had been that one time when she questioned Evan. His response had been casual, so when she noticed the same thing a few weeks later, she didn’t bother to ask.

Now she realized how stupid she had been. How wrong she had been. How careless she had been. Now she was paying the price with her children.

“I’m so sorry, Evan. I’m so sorry, Porter. What have I done? I’ve killed my own children. My beautiful children,” she whispered. Her crying started all over again.

“Mrs. Goldsmith?”

She didn’t look up.

“Mrs. Goldsmith. I have your gift. Please look up.” Jamie’s voice was gentle.

Swallowing a choke, Mary looked up, her vision blurry, her eyes puffy.

Her eyes widened. She reached forward, her fingers grasping at air, as if trying to see whether or not it was a hallucination. “What,” she breathed. “Is it real?” She looked at Jamie. “Is this real?” She stood up and swayed.

Jamie reached for her and wrapped his arm around her waist. He guided her down the steps. “Here is my gift to you, Mrs. Goldsmith.”

She walked forward, her steps as uncertain as a newborn child, her arms stretched out, as if walking in the dark. “Is it true? Is it true?” she mumbled in disbelief.

Mary's eyes welled with tears once again as she met the hazel eyes of her eldest son. “Evan,” she whispered.

Evan remained still, a blanket wrapped around his shoulders. Porter was cradled in Evan’s arms, his face snuggled into Evan’s chest, sleeping soundly. Evan was silent, his eyes glassy.

“Evan, oh God, Evan, my baby,” she breathed, tripping over her feet as she moved closer. Once within reach, she grabbed Evan by the shoulders and slammed into him, hugging him tightly.

Porter stirred from the impact and started mumbling. His head bobbed and he blinked, taking in his surroundings. “Mommy!”

“Oh baby!” Mary gasped in relief, tears trickling down her face. Tears of joy; tears for a second chance. “My baby.” She showered kisses on Porter’s face.

Porter cried, hugging his mother’s neck. “Mommy, Mommy.”

She took him from Evan’s grasp and they hugged, with Porter’s small legs wrapping around her. Evan remained standing, his arms falling to his sides.

“Evan, I didn’t know,” she whispered. “I’m so sorry. I had no idea.”

“I couldn’t tell you.”

“Yes you could.”

“Would you have believed me?” Evan asked, shaking. His eyes were shining with hope. He needed to hear her say it.

“Yes. Of course yes!”

Evan’s lips trembled. “Are you sure? You love Carl. He makes you happy.”

Mary broke down. “I love you and Porter more! There’s nothing I wouldn’t do for you and Porter. I would do anything for you. I didn’t know. I just…I just didn’t know.”

With that Evan rushed forward and hugged her, Porter squished between their bodies. Jamie watched as the family cried together in joy, as they laughed together in relief.

Looking up, Jamie spied Carl peeking out the door. Shock and wonder covered Carl’s face. Their eyes met.

Jamie smiled. “I found them down the river, holding onto a boulder,” Jamie said. “Evan’s plan wasn’t meant to be.”

“The river didn’t take away their pain, didn’t heal them, and didn’t save them. But the river did give them strength. Evan realized what he had to do to make you understand. To make you realize. To make you see the truth.” This was directed at Mrs. Goldsmith.

Mary’s eyes were dark with emotion. Jamie couldn’t tell if she was angry, sad, happy, or all of the above.

“Why, Evan? Why did you do this?” she whispered, although she already knew the answer.

“I just wanted it to stop,” Evan bawled as he clung to his mother, his head hanging off her shoulder. “I just wanted the pain to stop.”

Mary’s eyes filled with tears. “I’m so sorry, baby. It’s ok. Everything will be ok.” She kissed Evan’s temple.

“Happy anniversary, Mrs. Goldsmith,” Jamie said quietly.

She looked up at him. “I didn’t know,” she pleaded. “How was I supposed to know?” she implored, looking desperately at Jamie.

“You know now,” Jamie said simply. “You know the truth now.”

“The question is,” he paused, staring hard at her. “What will you do with it?”

She fell to the ground, taking Porter and Evan along with her. She coughed and gasped into the shoulders of her two sons while staring at her husband with hatred.

“What will you do with it, Mrs. Goldsmith?”

 

© 2008 Tiffani Chin

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