The Tide Began to Rise - 13. Chapter 13

We sat in front of the house. I was shaking terribly. It was bad enough, that it started hurting my arm and my leg. I kept thinking that when I go into the house, my dad will be there. I had it in my head that the cops never took him to jail, that he is going to be sitting in his chair, smoking a cigarette. Then as I walk through the door, he will rush over to me and start beating me.

“Tyler, are you ok? Are you sure that you want to do this?”

“Yeah, I’m good. Yes I want to do this.”

“OK do you wana go in right now, or do you want to wait until the others get here?”

“Let’s wait”

“Ok”

We sat in the car listening to the radio. We had it on 89.7 “the river.” That is my favorite radio station. It is nothing but rock music. After a little bit, one of my favorite songs came on. The song is “I’m alive by Disturbed. When I heard the song start playing, I started bobbing my head to the beat. I did it out of per instinct. Then the words came, I started singing right along.

Never again will I be dishonored
And never again will I be reminded
Of living within the world of the jaded
They kill inspiration
It's my obligation
To never again, allow this to happen
Where do I begin?
The choices are endless
Denying the sin
My art, my redemption
I carry the torch of my father’s before me

After the 1st verse, I noticed that someone else was singing. I looked over and saw that it was Brent.

The thing I treasure most in life cannot be taken away
There will never be a reason why I will surrender to your advice
To change myself, I'd rather die
Though they will not understand
I won't make the greatest sacrifice
You can't predict where the outcome lies
You'll never take me alive
I'm alive
I'm alive
I'm alive

We were singing the song together. I can’t believe that he likes this music.

Change again, cannot be considered
I rage again, dispelling my anger
Where do I begin?
The choices are endless
My art, my redemption, my only salvation
I carry the gift that I have been blessed with
My soul is adrift in oceans of madness
Repairing the rift that you have created
I am not alone, brothers, give me your arms now

The thing I treasure most in life cannot be taken away
There will never be a reason why I will surrender to your advice
To change myself, I'd rather die
Though they will not understand
I won't make the greatest sacrifice
You can't predict where the outcome lies
You'll never take me alive

I'm no slave
Are you feeling brave?
Or have you gone out of your mind?
No more games
It won't feel the same
If I hold my anger inside
There's no meaning
My soul is bleeding
I've had enough of your kind
One suggestion, use your discretion
Before you label me blind

The thing I treasure most in life cannot be taken away
There will never be a reason why I will surrender to your advice
To change myself, I'd rather die
Though they will not understand
I won't make the greatest sacrifice
You can't predict where the outcome lies
You'll never take me alive
I'm alive
I'm alive
I'm alive
I'm alive
I'm alive
I'm alive
I'm alive
I'm alive

As the song finished, I turned to look at Brent. He did the same.

“I didn’t know that you liked Disturbed. They are my favorite band.” I said.

“Yeah, I don’t know too many of their songs, but I really like that one. I’m not sure why though. One day I heard it and I had to go download it and listen to it over and over again.”

We sat for a little while longer in silence. Brent was looking out the window, and I was staring at him. Eventually he turned back towards me.

“I have been thinking Tyler. You are the first guy I have e had feelings for. This is all new to me. I really like you, but I have been thinking……………. I have been thinking that I never officially asked you to go out with me. So Tyler, will you be my boyfriend?”

I couldn’t find words. I sat there with my jaw dropped. “Hells yes, and of course” were screaming out in my head, but they weren’t coming out of my mouth. All I could do manage to do was nod my head.

“Ok, we are officially dating. The only thing is I’m really not ready for everyone to know. Are you ok with that?”

“Of course I am. Like I told you, Only Brie knows about me.”

As I finished talking, the others pulled up behind us. Brie was driving her parents Chevy suburban. Brent got out of the car and came around to the passenger side to help me get out. For getting up to the house and getting up to my room I had decided that I wouldn’t use the wheelchair, but instead to use crutches.

With the help of my friends, I made it up to my old room. I half expected it to be in ruins. But it wasn’t, everything was just how I remember leaving it. I sat down on the bed. Brent and every else went back down to get boxes.

I looked around the room. I thought of all the good times I had in here. The first time I had a friend sleep over. The long pointless conversations my friends and I shared. I also thought about all the bad times.
The many nights I cried myself to sleep. The beating I got in here because I didn’t answer my dad fast enough.

When everyone got back to the room, I started giving out directions.

“Pack all the clothes and books. Any papers or pictures hand to me and I will go through them.”

Brent went to my book shelf. He started taking everything off the shelves and putting them into boxes. Jennifer was finding me papers and things that I should go through. James and Brie were packing clothes. James was the one packing the things in the dresser, and Brie was getting the things in the closet.

After a bit, Brent found my note book. I looked over and saw that he had it.

“Oh my God don’t read that, Hand it to me.”

“What is it?” He started to open it.

“Please don’t, it’s my note book of thoughts and dreams, and stuff like that.”

“So it’s your journal?”

“Yeah, but I write more then what happened to me that day, There are a few short stories in there, and a poem that I wrote.”

“Oh, can I read the poem?”

“I will read it out loud, so you don’t go snooping through it.”

Brent handed me the note book. I flipped through the pages until I found the poem. I took a deep breath. I know what the poem says by heart. I took the breath because what might happen after I read it.

“When I look back
At where I have been
I see all the pain and fear
The isolation I was in.

There is sorrow in my world.

I wonder when my pain will go
Never to return again
I beg and plead, waiting for the day
The day that I finally die

There is sorrow in my world.

I see his face
My tormentor
I see him everywhere
When will he let me have peace

There is sorrow in my world.

His eyes are like fire
He knows what to do
To cause me fear
He does not tear

There is sorrow in my world.

I thought of standing up
And just being brave
The only thing is
Will that bring me to my grave?

There is sorrow in my world.

So I sit there thinking
I sit thinking of him
The one that will save me
Save me from this life of suffering

There is sorrow in my world.

He’s my hero
He’s my love
He’ will save me,
From the one I dread

There is sorrow in my world.

Until that day comes
I will be waiting right here
Looking to the heavens
Each passing year

Will there be sorrow in my future?”

I closed the note book. I looked up and saw a strange look on everyone’s face. Brent’s was sad but happy. He had tears running down his cheeks. Brie pretty much had the same look, but hers was sadder. Along with the tears, she had sobs. She now knows I have felt for so long. Jennifer was shocked. She
had tears, but had a blank expression. James, I could tell, had been crying. Now he had a shocked, almost angry look.

James threw the clothes that he had in his hands into a box. He walked out of the room. I called after him. When he did come back, I look at Brie. I now had tears in my eyes. I lowered my head.

I dropped the clothes that I had after seeing how Tyler was. I went after James. I ran down stairs. I caught up to him as he was opening the door.

“James stop! What are you doing?”

“I’m leaving.”

“Why? Because you found out that one of your best friends likes guys?”

“Yes, but not because of that, he should have told me.”

“Are you fucking kidding me?”

“No”

“Then you are not a good friend. Who cares if he likes guys? I have known for years. I have tried to help him through it. This was his way of telling you because he couldn’t just come right out and say it He needs us right now for support with everything. If you walk out that door, you better not come back. If you walk out that door, all the respect I have for you will be gone. And I’m sure the same goes for everyone else in that room up there.”

I turned around and headed back up stairs. I left James standing in the door way. I was praying, as I went back to the room, that he would see how stupid he will be if he leaves.

I got back to Tyler’s room. He was crying. I walked over and hugged him. I heard the front door shut. I waited for James to walk through the door. I waited for a while, held Tyler in my arms. My heart started to sink deeper in my chest.