The Closet - 1. Chapter 1

If you say in the closet, I mean I was in the closet. The door was closed, locked even I didn’t want to go there. Or so I thought.

It was Friday when I went to the sauna. Not a gay sauna just an ordinary local authority sauna in a town in the north of England. I actually enjoy the sauna experience: the heat, the cold, the sense of freedom and of course seeing other guys naked. The thing about the north of England industrial area was that there was much more openness by ordinary working men about getting naked without embarrassment. I don’t know if it’s the coal mining background or not with communal washrooms etc. So as I say I was enjoying the experience. Then suddenly the conversation changed to the “poofter” who had been in there the week before and how they had mocked him. The guy being most critical was in his thirties with a cock that must have been 6 inches completely soft. I had been imagining what it would be like hard when the new conversation had started so I quickly turned my eyes away and left the cabin. Too dangerous. I went to the cold plunge to cool down and then into another Sauna cabin which was much quieter.

The two guys there soon left and I was alone until in walked this guy who must have been bout 25. He was quite short, slim with dirty blond hair. He wasn’t particularly good looking. He sat opposite me, leaning back, relaxed, and sitting on his towel. There between his legs was this beautifully formed dick. It was soft and not very large but I couldn’t keep my eyes of it. There was something so beautifully proportioned about this guy, so innocent, so open, and so vulnerable. I wanted to take his cock in my hands and just kiss it, to make love to this body. Then out of nowhere came this thought I AM GAY! What had happened? Where had that come from? I could feel my dick responding. He wasn’t doing anything, probably not even aware of my existence and probably as straight as they come. That was enough I left and fled full of confusion.

Two days later I had to drive down to London. There was heavy traffic on the M6 straight away so I had only got to Sandbach services when I needed to stop to take a piss. Instead of just standing at the urinal I decided to go into a stall. In there I was amazed to see the amount of graffiti on the walls. In my experience up to then the Motorway services got cleaned pretty regularly and this sort of thing didn’t last, but there sure was loads of it here. Of course I started to read it all. Some of it was hot. I then detected some movement above my head. I realised that some guy was looking over the partition. What he was looking at was the movement of my hand. Whilst reading the walls my hand had moved to my cock and was gently massaging it. I didn’t look up at him but instead I casually leaned back so that he could see more clearly what I was doing. My heart was beating, “What am I doing I thought?” But I just kept on slowly wanking my cock to its full-size. Slowly does it. Ten times slowly then, ten times quickly, one of the techniques I like when I take my time.

I did look up casually and the guy pulled back. I did not know where this would lead or where I wanted it to go, I just kept on wanking. I was being led by my dick not my head. The guy again put his head over the top. Now I could hear movement and he was obviously wanking as well, getting off at the sight of me. This turned me on even more I was getting harder and harder my technique was disappearing I was giving it all I had. I wanted to find out what this guy would do but was afraid both that he would want to do something else and that he wouldn’t. I was scared. All I had done there up to then was have a wank. That didn’t make me gay – but if I did something with this guy then…. So I just kept beating it and the guy was obviously doing the same. I was so far gone that I couldn’t tell when he came but I suppose he did, when I came I just burst out shooting as far as the door of the cubicle. One, two, three, four, five, six … I don’t know how many times. I was weak at the knees. Then the guy’s head disappeared and was obviously fastening up. I did the same. I heard his door open so I left a couple of seconds later. I had only glimpsed the guy but I was pretty sure that I could spot him amongst the other guys washing their hands. He glanced over to me with a kind of scared look and left the washroom. In curiosity I followed and saw him go to a car with a family in it. I smiled to myself and thought he was probably a lot more worried than I was and probably feeling a lot more guilty.

But I was confused. What was I? What did this mean? Was it just chance or did gays attracts gays? I had started on a road that I couldn’t then turn off. Where would it lead?

In fact it led to nowhere very soon. I fought and fought, denied and denied but all along knew that there was something else to me.

Moving on a couple of years when I was living in Brussels. Apart from internet porn and the occasional surreptitious and very unsatisfactory mutual wank in a public toilet, usually cut short by other people arriving, and visits to an ordinary sauna where there was an occasional bit of mutual wanking, that was all.

Then one Saturday I had some free time and I was in a part of the city where I knew there was a gay sauna. I decided to go and walk by it. It was a building very much like all the others in this quiet street with a discreet plaque giving the name “Oasis”. If you did not know about it you wouldn’t have known what it was. That discretion must have given me confidence. I then saw two ordinary looking guys walk in. I don’t know why, but that was the moment, so I went in. Up the stairs to a door which was obviously controlled from the inside, to a cash desk which was at the other side of a bar. At the bar were lined up ordinary looking men wrapped just in towels.

With a little more confidence I paid my money, “Is this your first time?” the man asked, I didn’t run. “Yes” I answered in a rather quiet voice, “You know it’s for men do you?” he said. I suppose that some people must get to that stage without realizing, but they must be more naïve that I am. After telling him that I did realise what the place was, he then proceeded to show me the lockers and explain the layout of the place.

I quickly found my locker, stripped and put on my towel. This was just like the places I had read about on the net. Several floors, a wet area, video rooms, gym, and such fantastic décor; and men! Everywhere, all sizes, shapes, ages all in just towels. I felt so at home, everyone seemed so ordinary. It didn’t take long to see that it wasn’t at all ordinary. Walking round the corridors not everyone had their towels on; in one of the special showers I could see two guys with nothing on, the head of one at the waist height of the other with his head bobbing up and down. Wow! This was not ordinary. As I walked round I saw more action, wanking, blow jobs, even simple cuddling. I walked passed some closed doors trying to imagine what was going on behind them. Then I went into the steam room.

Here most guys were walking round without towels on. Some were just standing around some in pairs. I went a little further, the light was dimmer but I could see that this was a sort of maze and realised that this was probably a centre of action. I put my towel round my shoulders to release my now very interested dick. What to do, where to start, how to start? It was then that I felt somebody gently caress my ass cheek; it was electric. I turned around to see a guy about my age with black hair, a good amount of it on his chest, which I love, leading down to the most fantastic cock which looked almost as interested in events as mine. He put his hand on my cock which responded by getting even harder, and I touched his beautiful uncut member. He put his hands on my chest and touched my nipples and again the electricity shot through me. I didn’t know what to do, yet it all felt so natural. I responded to his every touch. I had read that a guy often does what he would like the other guy to do to him so I just responded in the same way. We explored each other’s bodies in the steamy half-light of this maze, oblivious to the other guys around us. He took my cock and laid his next to mine in his hand, we were so alike in size shape and state of excitement. He gently moved them back and forward. This was incredible, how could such a small movement produce such extreme pleasure. We kissed and explored each other’s bodies. I don’t know how long this lasted, it didn’t matter. Then he slid down my body and started to kiss the head of my cock. Such waves of intense pleasure passed down the whole length of my cock and balls, down my legs and then rose up my whole body. He took the head of my cock in to his mouth, and then removed it to kiss it. He kissed the whole length of my cock and then started to play with my balls in his mouth. First the left then the right; then he climbed back up my raging cock and put it in his mouth. I could feel my pubes touching his mouth, I wasn’t doing anything he was doing it all.

It was then that I became aware again of others around me. Three or four others watching what we were doing; one put his hand out to touch my companion who gently pushed it away. But these guys were wanking watching us. They were getting – off watching me receive a blow job. This was an afternoon of firsts, I learned that I could be attractive to other men, that I might have something they wanted. I now knew for sure that men had something I wanted.

The blow job continued, the feelings got more and more intense I couldn’t wait much longer, “I’m gonna shoot” I said but he continued a little while longer before pulling off. The instant he released me I shot my load, huge intense jets of cum all over. “Fuck that was fantastic man” I said as he took me in his arms and pulled me aside to a little alcove where I could sit down; it was either that or collapse. I felt totally spent. It was as if years of saved up man love had just burst out of my body. I wanted to go on but knew I needed to rest if I were going to repay this guy. Then he kissed the top of my head, said “Thanks” and was gone!

What had happened? What was it all about? I was hit by guilt, fear and I don’t know what other emotions. I left the steam room went back to my locker determined to leave; this wasn’t for me I was going back to that closet. Was it guilt or shame I don’t know?

It could have ended there but perhaps there was something inside drawing me further into this world. I realised that I was both tired and thirsty so I went to the bar for a drink of Coke before leaving. It was then that I decided to lie down instead of leaving straightaway - that was the decisive moment after which I couldn’t again close the door again.

I must have gone to sleep for when I woke up I felt so good and decided that this place wasn’t perhaps so bad after all. I had just had the most unbelievable blow job. I ought to give it a chance; so I went to the video room.