A Dozen Black Roses - 1. Act I:

A DOZEN BLACK ROSES

Act One Scene One

An upmarket restaurant.The lighting is dimmed and candles are flickering on the six tables.

It is Maggie's birthday and Caroline has taken her out for the evening.She has just given her some presents.

MAGGIE This necklace is gorgeous,Caroline and..the book as well.You certainly have spent alot of money on me!

CAROLINE You are worth every penny,darling-and much more besides.Look inside the front cover and you'll see that it is not any old book.

Maggie opens the book and gasps.

MAGGIE It is a first edition and.. personally signed.I am impressed!How did you manage that?

CAROLINE Oh,just much negotiation with the publishing company.My original plan was to buy you a copy of that book Billy Connolly wrote about his travels.You know the one about the television series you watched last year?

MAGGIE 'Journey to the Edge of the World'?

CAROLINE Yes,that's the one-but Billy wasn't playing ball,so to speak -so Headline sent me afew brochures listing books that were about to be published.I spotted this one-and my mind was made up!It is about the Glasgow tenements.I remembered you telling me that you had stayed in one when you were first married.The author was more than happy to sign it for you and..there you are!

MAGGIE You are clever,Caroline-but why two presents?

CAROLINE Well,after all the trouble with Billy the publishers gave it to me as a complimentary copy so,as I said to the marketing assistant on the 'phone,'she can have two presents now'!

MAGGIE Well,thank-you once again.Now let us choose something from this menu-I am starving!

CAROLINE I quite fancy the mussels myself as a starter.They do them in all manner of sauces here-quite delicious!Anything grab your fancy?

MAGGIE Well,you know me-I am not exactly the adventurous type.I think I'll have the smoked haddock souffle for starters and the salmon as a main.

The waiter comes to take their order.

Talking about adventure,I don't suppose either of us will forget your taste of extreme caving back in March!

CAROLINE That's what I like about you.You are always so supportive and encouraging over any new projects or challenges that I fancy trying,however daft.If I remember rightly,that weekend up in Sutherland was the first time I mentioned to anyone that I had a girlfriend.It felt really liberating to be honest with people.I was alittle worried when I started my new job about it all but now it feels so natural and..good!Of course,I never mention any names.

MAGGIE This day and age most people are OK with all that.

CAROLINE I am so glad that you were free to come out tonight.I offered to take you out weeks ago but as usual you were only able to confirm at the last minute.

MAGGIE Well,you know me I have never been much good at planning ahead,especially since Mum had her stroke.Mind you,even before then nobody could have accused me of being organised!

CAROLINE That's true.I recall afew months ago you only gave me thirty minutes notice that you were dropping round on the way back from Duncan's!

MAGGIE Well,my life is not exactly simple at the best of times!I don't know why you put up with me sometimes!

CAROLINE Fishing for compliments again,are we?

MAGGIE Well,no..

CAROLINE You have completed transformed my life,Maggie.Remember what I was like at the office?I wouldn't talk to anybody and apart from my two cats at home I did not really have anyone or anything in my life back then.

MAGGIE You were certainly 'in your shell'-but I just opened the door,really.Your parents suppressed you but now you are your true self.The real you!

CAROLINE You opened the door to 'Paradise' more like!I have never been as happy as I am now.Being in love with you is like having a string of lights around my heart-it's wonderful!

She raises her glass.

Happy Birthday,darling!I love you so very much!

MAGGIE Well,you certainly seem alot happier than you did a year ago.

She too raises her glass.

Ah,good here are our starters.Those mussels do look tasty!

Scene Two

Duncan and Grant's living room.Tastefully furnished in a traditional style.Sounds of Mozart can be heard playing.Evening time.

The two men are seated together on the sofa.There are two full glasses and half a bottle of red wine on the table in front of them.

DUNCAN Well,just two weeks to go now to our big day!Exciting,isn't it?

GRANT Absolutely!I cannot wait to marry you and tell the whole world what a lucky fellow I am!

DUNCAN You are sweet!I am looking forward to meeting your sister Clare.She sounds divine!How is her novel coming along?

GRANT Very well,actually.Of course,she has written dozens of non- fiction books but a first novel is always special.Perhaps you could publish it for her?

DUNCAN Well,darling you know me,always happy to oblige- but if it does not have a gay or lesbian theme then the company will not really be interested in it.It is about soldiers in the Falklands War,isn't it?

GRANT Yes,that's right but.. one or two 'come out'!

DUNCAN Oh,I see..well,in that case let me have a look at the draft and I will see what I can do.Who else are you planning to invite?

GRANT Well,there are several people from work-one or two of my fellow consultants and many of the nurses on Darwin are practically queuing up for an invite!No-one else from the family-David does not exactly approve of me being gay,as you know.

By the way,have you chosen the music for the ceremony and our reception yet?I thought it was a lovely idea of yours to hire a pianist to play in the registrary office and then to have that saxophonist for the evening.

DUNCAN I am glad that you approve!You boldly informed me that 'money was no object' and I can't imagine that I shall ever be doing this again,so I thought we might as well 'splash the cash'!As to my choice of music,well,you will just have to wait and see as long as you promise me the first dance!Let me pop that melody onto the CD player now just so I can make sure that you won't show me up by your lack of skills!

GRANT Cheeky!I bet that I have attended many more formal functions in the past where my natural talents were required than you have had hot dinners!Go and put the song on then and I'll show you just how twinkle-toed I am!

Duncan goes over to the stereo and changes the compact disc.The sound of Bryan Adams' '(Everything I Do) I Do It For You' can be heard.Duncan walks back to the sofa and offers his hand to Grant.

DUNCAN May I,kind sir?

GRANT I don't mind if I do!

DUNCAN (slightly breathless) Now where were we?Oh,yes-we were talking about your loyal fan club! It does sound like you have practically a harem at the hospital.You will be telling me that you have a foot in both camps next!

GRANT You must be joking!The very thought of all those breasts and squeaky voices.I did sleep with a woman once but then I acquired more sophisticated tastes.When I think back to all those lazy evenings I spent at 'Steamworks'....

DUNCAN Does anything ever go on in those establishments?

GRANT By 'go on',do you mean sex?!

DUNCAN Well,yes.

GRANT Most of the time one just sits around chatting-with or without a towel tied around one's waist- but on the odd occasion,I did lock eyes with someone and we discreetly retired to one of the cubicles the management so kindly provide!I met one chap there who I just could not get out of my mind.We saw each other afew times before he had an attack of the conscience and tottered back to his wife!

DUNCAN Oh,so he was bisexual then?Did you love him?

GRANT Yes,he did bat for both sides.So many married men do even if they do not admit it to themselves.Give me a man who has not gazed over at another chap's member whilst standing at a urinal or who has not let his gaze drop whilst showering after a rugby match!

DUNCAN That may be so but-did you fall for him?

GRANT Yes,I did-but since meeting you I realise that my feelings for him were mere infatuations,not the deep love that I thought I felt for him at the time.

DUNCAN What do you mean by that?

GRANT Well,the love I have for you-and the overwhelming pride that I feel when I think or refer to you as 'my boyfriend'-overshadows and dwarfs any feelings that I had for him-or anyone else for that matter.I love you so very much,Duncan!

DUNCAN (teasingly) And what is it about me that you love so much?

GRANT Well,it is not your dress sense for starters!If those jeans had any more holes in them we could sell them as fishing nets!

DUNCAN I caught you in them so they cannot be all that bad!But seriously,what is it about me that you find so terribly attractive?I know I am a fantastic lover-but,asides from that..

GRANT Modest,as always!

Duncan's hand slides towards Grant's crotch and lingers over the obvious bulge.

GRANT (in mock horror) What are you upto?

DUNCAN Well,you know what they say,'actions speak louder than words'!

He slowly unbuttons Grant's flies and slides his hand inside. Grant sighs and takes Duncan into his arms,kissing him deeply. He pulls back slightly.

GRANT (heavy with emotion) Now I know why I love you so much!

Duncan teases Grant's penis from its lair and runs his hand up and down the shaft afew times.It becomes fully erect and Grant gasps as Duncan slides off the sofa onto his knees and teasingly licks the head. He takes it into his mouth and slides his lips down to the shaft,slowly picking up the tempo.This continues for several delicious minutes.

GRANT (gasping) Of all the men I have had,you certainly give the best head!

DUNCAN (coming up for air) Watch it,sweetheart,you know I am the of the jealous persuasion and..you are in a very vulnerable position at the moment!

He squeezes the shaft tightly.

GRANT Ouch,I get the message! Why don't you climb back up here and I will relief the pressure that seems to be building up in your jeans?

Duncan stands up and unbuttons his jeans,sliding them down his thighs.The fabric of his underpants are straining at the crotch just at Grant's eyelevel. Grant stares hungrily and quickly the pants join the jeans around Duncan's ankles. Duncan's penis is almost touching his umbilicus.Grant begins to suck on him with a terrible passion.

DUNCAN Be careful,big boy. I shall be needing that on my wedding night!

GRANT (stopping what he is doing for the moment,growls) I'm not going to bite it off,for God's sake!

He increases his rhythm-and after a minute or two Duncan lets out a yell of pleasure. Grant hastily pulls a handkerchief out of his trouser pocket and catches the stream of semen in it.He places the item gingerly on the carpet to the side of the sofa. Duncan,his penis still quivering,laughs.

DUNCAN You and your precious furniture!

GRANT (looking sheepish) Sorry but I can’t help it! You have shot your load,so to speak.Blimey,I sound just like you! Look at my poor member throbbing like..

DUNCAN (turning away from Grant,having kicked away his clothes and shoes) My cute little bottom could sort that out,no problem!

He lowers himself down to the floor and on all fours presents his posterior to Grant. Still fully dressed with just his penis sticking semi-erect out of his flies,Grant kneels down behind his fiance,pulls at his member a couple of times and then places his tongue over Duncan’s already puckering anus. He licks around the orifice whilst his right hand stretches round to cup Duncan’s testicles.He runs his hand down his shaft. Duncan moans loudly.

DUNCAN God,you’ll have be coming again before you’ve even started! Take me,baby.I want to fill that gorgeous prick of yours deep inside me!

Grant grins and concentrates.He straightens and places the tip of his penis at the entry of Duncan’s rectum.

DUNCAN Take me to Nirvana,darling!

Grant steels himself and pushes his penis forcefully home.He pulls back slightly and then his full shaft is buried deeply within Duncan.

DUNCAN (between breaths) Let me feel your balls banging against my arse!

Grant,reddening in the face continues to drive his member in and out of Duncan’s bottom,his testicles indeed slapping against his fiance’s buttocks.

DUNCAN Don’t pull out,come inside me. God,I think I’m coming too!

Grant thrusts one more time and collapses over Duncan,breathing heavily. Duncan shudders too and as Grant’s now flagging member slips out of his bottom he turns and takes him in his arms.They kiss for a long time and then settle on the floor resting against the front of the sofa leaning against each other.

GRANT Blimey,that’s my exercise done for afew days.

Duncan grins at him and places a tender kiss on his forehead.

GRANT (looking down at Duncan’s penis which is still semi-erect) I thought you said you were going to come-or is that you up and ready again?!

DUNCAN (stroking his member gently) I did come but not in that way.I was reading online the other day about prostatic orgasms and..well,I think I just had one! I feel wonderful-so peaceful.You certainly did the trick!

GRANT I am so pleased,darling.I love you,sweetheart.

They both stand up and adjust their clothing and settle back onto the sofa.

Now where were we?

Pause

Oh,yes.You were asking me what I found so attractive about you. Well,sometimes it is just the chemistry between two people.I look around at our works dos at my colleagues' husbands or wives and often wonder how so-and-so actually got together.Look at your friend Maggie,for example.How did she ever become invovled with Andrew?They seem so unsuited!

DUNCAN I really could not comment on that,seeing as I have never met him.He is always away checking out some new business venture or other on the odd occasion that I go up to Stirling to see Maggie.You met them both at the estate agency when we were completing the paperwork on this place,didn't you?

GRANT Yes,that's right.You were tied up at work if I remember rightly.Andrew popped into the office to give Maggie a lift home seeing as how her car was out of action at the garage.

DUNCAN What was he like?

GRANT Andrew?

DUNCAN Well,yes.

GRANT Interesting face.I did not really look any closer,seeing as I only had eyes for you at the time!We had just decided to move in together so I was not likely to be ogling other men,was I?

DUNCAN I suppose not.

GRANT It should be me questioning you over your choice of 'husband',really.You have had many more partners than me.You must be one of Gaydar's best customers!

DUNCAN Maybe once.You know how much I used to hate just dropping into a gay bar in the hope of scoring for the night.Sometimes I did see a guy I fancied but I got so tongue tied and nervous by the time I had plucked up the courage to ask him out he had moved onto another target!

GRANT I can quite imagine!

DUNCAN Cruising along by that canal up by the industrial estate at the far side of town was not much better.I spotted a man there once who did look rather promising.All his muscles were in the right places-if you get my meaning!I sidled up to him and discreetly suggested he might like to join me for a stroll-there were some toilets open afew hundred yards from there back then-but instead of an eager grin I felt an enormous fist in my face!

GRANT He was not gay,I guess!

DUNCAN No,just a bodybuilder out for some fresh air.How was I to know?He looked queer!

GRANT I have always blessed my parents-God rest their souls!-for endowing me with conventional looks.I could be standing in a room full of so-called straight guys and no-one would ever suspect I prefer gentlemen rather than ladies whereas as yourself,well..

DUNCAN (in a falsetto voice) Whatever do you mean?

GRANT Well,nobody could ever accuse you of being macho,darling!

DUNCAN You would not have me any other way!

GRANT Very true!Come on,it is getting late!I have an early start in the morning and Maggie is coming over at nine to take you and Oliver to that blasted cat show.

DUNCAN Good job you reminded me,darling.What with everything going on,I had quite forgotten about the club show.It is fortunate that like me Oliver always looks his best!

GRANT If you say so!Just remember to mention Clare's book when you drop into the office after it is all over.Just think what an impression you will make as her future brother-in-law if your boss argrees to publish it.

DUNCAN I will do my best.Now,let's go to bed and you can tell me again how wonderful I am!!

They both exit .

SCENE THREE

Maggie and Andrew's kitchen.Alittle untidy but clean.Early evening the following day.The faint sounds of 'Queen' can be heard in the background.

DUNCAN Well,Oliver seems content.I can hear him purring from here!

MAGGIE That is what winning 'best cat in show' does for you.It is a good job I got to your place early this morning and cast a critical eye over you both-as well as a brush!

DUNCAN(laughing) Thank-you for that-and for looking after him while I was at work this afternoon.It seemed silly for us to drive all the way back to Edinburgh when you were cooking supper for us here tonight.If it wasn't for Grant working at the Royal Infirmary we would probably have bought a house nearer to Stirling.I could have come over to see you more often then rather than you always having to drive to Edinburgh.Travelling all that way by bus can be so demoralizing!

A cat is curled up on a chair in the corner of the room,gently purring.

Maggie is preparing supper for herself and Duncan,chopping vegetables on the worktop to the right of the stove.

Duncan is perched at the breakfast bar to the right of the stage,sipping his Gin and Tonic.

He joins Duncan and they dance in a close embrace until the music stops.Both resume their places on the sofa.

I will never understand why you don't show your two gorgeous felines.Their pedigrees are almost as perfect as Oliver's.

MAGGIE Not that 'old chestnut'!Olivia and Archie just prefer to curl up on my lap-they can't be doing with all that kerfuffle,any more than I can.

DUNCAN Andrew is away so much nowadays you need something to cuddle up with.Where is he this evening?

MAGGIE Oh,I think he is 'down south' somewhere.Celtic Ceramics is always looking to increase its retail outlets in England.

DUNCAN I hope you will both be free a week Saturday.Something rather fabulous will be happening at a certain registry office in town.

MAGGIE How could I forget?You have been talking about little else ever since Grant asked you to marry him!

DUNCAN You must be fed up hearing about it.So,what have you been upto since we last met?

MAGGIE Just a minute,Duncan.Let me pop this casserole into the oven and then we will have afew minutes for us to talk properly before I need to make a start on the desert.

DUNCAN What are we having?

MAGGIE Well,I thought I would make one of my trademark chocolate souffles,seeing as that is your favourite.How does that sound?

DUNCAN My mouth is watering already.You do seem alittle on edge this evening.I thought perhaps something was not quite right.

MAGGIE(sitting down across from Duncan) Everything is fine,really.I am probably worrying over nothing but..

DUNCAN Go on,do tell!

MAGGIE I hope you don't think that I am losing the plot-but a friend of mine reckons she has fallen in love with me!

DUNCAN Wow,so you are joining the queer club with me then after all!!

MAGGIE This is no laughing matter,Duncan.She refers to me as 'her girlfriend' and seems absolutely besotted with me!

DUNCAN Oh,right.So,where did you meet this person?What is her name?Strange that you have never mentioned her before.

MAGGIE I wanted to tell you but I had to sort my own feelings out first.The problem is that I think I might be falling for her too!

To answer your questions,her name is Caroline.She used to work at the estate agency,sitting at the desk opposite mine but she left there last year to join a mortgage firm in town.She only stays two miles away from here and we used to go out for a drink together on a Friday.

DUNCAN What's she like then?Older or younger than you?

MAGGIE She's just turned fifty.I suppose you would describe her as alittle old fashioned but conversely she is also into extreme sports!She went caving up in Sutherland this March and is always up to something new.

DUNCAN You said you might be falling for her.I always thought you were strictly 'hetero',Maggie.It comes as quite a shock, all this!

MAGGIE I can imagine!I don't know,really.I guess she just makes me feel appreciated and special.

DUNCAN Has she kissed you yet?

MAGGIE Not exactly.When we say hello or goodbye to each other,if you see what I mean I make a point of turning my head to one side so her lips always land up on the edge of my mouth.I must be getting better as once upon a time my cheek were their usual destination!

DUNCAN Do you reckon she would kiss you properly if you allowed her to?

MAGGIE Probably-but I guess it is me who has the hang-ups.

DUNCAN What do you mean?Do you know for sure if she is actually lesbian or bisexual?Perhaps she just regards you as a close friend-and does not fancy you at all.Mine you,if ladies floated my boat I would have you under that duvet before you could say,'Hurrah for Oscar Wilde'!

MAGGIE I can tell that is not your first gin and tonic of the evening!To be honest,I am not a hundred per cent sure.I know she has been married in the past and was dating guys up until last Christmas but she informed me months ago that now that she has me in her life there is no need for that anymore.I am pretty certain that if we met up as often now as when we were working together then our relationship would have passed the platonic stage-but as I said I am not sure.

DUNCAN It sounds to me,Maggie that you are just scared of finding out.Why not let her kiss you and just see what happens?You might discover your true self!

MAGGIE As usual,Duncan you are probably right.I often find myself thinking about Caroline when I am in the house on my own which nowadays is quite often.She compliments me on how I look and is always inquiring after the family.She has been so supportive since Mum had her stroke and really seems to understand about my domestic situation.I just feel guilty that I am even contemplating a physical relationship with her.I am happily married,after all!

DUNCAN I am aware that you have been with Andrew for fifteen years-which is more than you would get for murder nowadays-but can you really stand-or should I say 'perch' there-and tell me in all honesty that you are still in a state of marital bliss?

MAGGIE Well,we have our moments but- our lovelife is not what it was!

DUNCAN Can't the old man get it up anymore then?Mind you compared to my Grant any guy would feel inadequate in that department!

MAGGIE You are awlful,Duncan but once again you have hit the proverbial nail on its head.He comes across as very loving at first but by the time we reach the bedroom his thoughts seem to be elsewhere.Maybe he just does not fancy me anymore.

DUNCAN If I was in your shoes,darling-but I leave all that to the gender benders!-I would give Caroline a chance.She obviously loves you very much and I was always lead to believe that if someone tells you that they are 'in' love with you then that means that ultimately they want to take you to bed.Myself,I could not do without an erect member or two to tantalize my tastebuds-but I have heard that despite the obvious lack of phallus lesbian sex can be very satisfying.I bet Caroline makes a much better job of sucking your nipples than Andrew does!!

MAGGIE Duncan,you are outrageous-but I get your point.I really ought to find more time to see her,anyway.It was eleven weeks last time-and I think Caroline found our long separation very difficult-as did I if I am honest with myself.Let us get your long awaited wedding out of the way, then I shall invite her over for supper one evening.I had better make sure that it is a night that Andrew is away just in case we do end up in bed together,doing rather more than just sucking nipples!

DUNCAN See,you do fancy her!I shall wait with bated breath for news of any developments.

MAGGIE(going over to the worktop) Damn,I have forgotten to make that souffle after all that chat.Would you be happy with some ice-cream out of the freezer instead?Otherwise it will be midnight before we sit down to eat and that casserole will be only be fit for Oliver's supper!

DUNCAN Ice-cream will be fine but Maggie,come and sit back down a minute.You are not the only one with something to confess.

MAGGIE Oh,so that is why you have been knocking back those G and Ts like water.What have you been upto now?

DUNCAN I don't know where to start,really.There's you all in a bother about fancying your friend Caroline and frantically trying to resist temptation whilst I have already succumbed to my lusty urges!

MAGGIE Blimey!Surely you have not been unfaithful to Grant?You are always going on about his prowess as a lover so I presumed that all your ‘lusty urges’ were well and truly taken care of!

DUNCAN Usually they are-but six months ago I had a blazing argument with him and I started sleeping in the spare room.He just threw himself even more into his work and refused to speak to me...

MAGGIE Go on.

DUNCAN(taking a large gulp of his drink) One evening he was at that damn hospital again and I just cracked.You know before I met him I used to surf the gay sites if I was in the need of some gentlemanly attention,so to speak?

MAGGIE Yes,I was always worried when you told me that you were going off to meet your latest contact.I suppose you found someone that evening,did you?

DUNCAN I feel most ashamed to admit it but yes,I found this guy who said he was away from home on business and was looking for a younger man to spend the night with.We exchanged a couple of e-mails and then I arranged to meet him the following evening at his hotel.

MAGGIE What was he like then?I must admit I am still reeling from this.I know you used to ‘play the field’,so to speak but I can hardly believe that just because you weren’t sleeping with Grant you had to go and find someone else.I always find that masturbation works for me,especially now that I have Caroline as well as Andrew to fantastise about!By God,perhaps I really am turning into a lesbian-well,a bisexual at least!

DUNCAN I think you probably are,Maggie-but funny you mention ‘bisexual’-Gavin informed me he was of that persuasion afew minutes after we met.

MAGGIE Do you think that was his real name then?Was he about to get married too?

DUNCAN OK,no need for sarcasm.I feel bad enough already.We did not talk very much,seeing as neither of us was just out for a chat..

MAGGIE Quite!

DUNCAN He just told me he was unattached,that he had had a brief experience in a public toilet several years ago which he now considered to be rather sordid but that he was just unable to forget the thrill of it all.He said he was surfing the ‘net’ one evening and came across Gaydar and was kind of pulled in.

MAGGIE Right-so did you satisfy his cravings then.Hell,that sounds bad!I assume from your guilty look that you both achieved what you were looking for.

DUNCAN I hate to say this this,Maggie and not wishing to offend your sensibilities but he was red hot!He could not keep his hands off me and although he was obviously inexperienced he even wanted to try anal and..boy,did he come or did he come?!

MAGGIE OK,that is more than enough information!Did you see him again after your ‘glorious night of passion’?

DUNCAN At the time I made it very clear to him-or so I thought-that it was to be a ‘one-off’ but daft as I am I had already given him my mobile number and he rang me the next day.We met up again several times when he was in Edinburgh,always in hotels.God,he was insatiable.I have always regarded myself as having alot of stamina but for a man in his fifties he could certainly beat me every time!

MAGGIE He didn’t,did he?

DUNCAN What?

MAGGIE Beat you?

DUNCAN Good God,no!I might be cheap but I am not into all that sado-masochistic stuff.No,we just had good old fashioned gay sex which was fantastic at the time-but Maggie,I felt so bad afterwards!At home Grant was being so sweet,apologising for getting angry with me even though it was ninety per cent my fault,anyway.I was scared that he would smell him on me even though I was always careful to shower afterwards.I just had to tell Gavin it was over.

MAGGIE And how did the ‘stud’ take it?

DUNCAN I never realised you could be so sarcastic,Maggie.I have really disgusted you,haven’t I?

MAGGIE Like I said before I am in a state of shock.I presume you have never told Grant about this?

DUNCAN Gavin took my news surprisingly well.He said he just regarded me as a sex object and he was sure that he would find some other young man to satisfy his needs!

MAGGIE Nice.

DUNCAN Grant doesn’t know but the guilt is eating me up.How the hell can I stand side by side with him next week in front of the registrar,knowing that but afew weeks before I was allowing another man to take advantage of me?

MAGGIE Advantage of you?I did not realise how weak you were before now.You must tell Grant tomorrow.Anyone can tell how besotted he is with you-not that you deserve him-but maybe if you play it carefully he might forgive you.He always seemed a very generous man to me.Promise me you will tell him!God,if I even suspected that Andrew was ever playing around with another woman- or a man- I would be devastated.He might not be the most attentive of husbands-but he is mine!

DUNCAN(close to tears) Thank-you for listening,Maggie and yes,I will sit him down tomorrow after work and confess my guilty secret.It will be one hell of a weight off my mind,I can tell you.I have been such a fool to risk everything just because I could not keep my fly zipped up.Next time I shall take your advice and buy one of those top shelf magazines instead!

MAGGIE OK.Look, I am sorry if I was too harsh with you.It certainly has been a night of confessions,as it not?Let’s sit and eat-if that casserole is not completely ruined.Relationships are so damn difficult at times but I suppose life would be alot duller without them!

Maggie goes over to the oven and carries their supper to the breakfast bar.They both settle down to their meal.

Good luck with tomorrow,Duncan.I am sure everything will be fine in the end.

DUNCAN(raising his glass) To Love and Friendship-and future Nipple Licking!

MAGGIE God,you are awlful,Duncan!

Lights fade out.